Глава II

The beginning of spiritual activity, when it is undertaken with a specific purpose and becomes predominant, in order to then become completely exclusive or the main and essential activity of life, is usually accompanied by an internal battle of thoughts and passionate feelings. This warfare at a young age, who with fresh strength and complete zeal embarks on a new unknown path of spiritual asceticism, can be so strong that there is no way to resist it with one’s own efforts - outside help is certainly needed. A young man, in an ascetic-religious mood, with spiritual actions clearly revealed to him, is involuntarily encouraged to seek like-minded society, so that he can reveal his state of mind to someone, test himself to some extent from the experience of another, hear an encouraging word, or receive instruction from experience. The essence of such spiritual activity consists mainly in prayer, which is done internally, attentively and constantly, or, if possible, often. Such prayer, forming an inner monk, adjusts all of a person’s mental activity according to itself, but such prayer must be properly taught, which is the subject of monastic spiritual activity. It is against this spiritual activity that all the warfare of thoughts and heartfelt sensations, which is secretly raised by the spirits of malice, is directed; they notice their fighter from afar and do not sleep, rushing at him in all hordes, as soon as he decides to free himself from the dominion of passions with the decisive intention of taking up the work of salvation, they arouse in the soul the anxiety of hitherto unknown passions. The onslaught of thoughts can be so strong that it often goes beyond the mental realm and is accompanied by sensory actions, such as ghostly ideas, unusual bodily illnesses, etc., acting like a momentary mental frenzy. Meanwhile, the very faces of the mental enemies remain invisible, their actions are incomprehensible, and the young warrior of the invisible battle is constantly in danger of being deceived and seduced. Prayer abundantly endows its doer with bright thoughts and good feelings and thus inexpressibly attracts him to himself; but this is where strict discernment and extreme caution are needed, so that under the guise of good feelings you do not accept mental thieves, do not enjoy imaginary spiritual states, behind which special access to all charms opens up. Experiencing such a state, sometimes joyful, sometimes very painful, the young ascetic feels the full burden of his loneliness among the human desert of the laity in which he wanders: for him, one push, one small impulse is enough to completely reckon with the vanity of the world and rush into the refuge of the monastery. Here is a weak image of the state that Dimitri Alexandrovich may have experienced when, walking in a military uniform, he felt the need to reveal his thoughts. He practiced mental prayer and practiced it so diligently that it happened spontaneously for him. “It used to be in the evening,” he later said about himself, “you would lie in bed and, raising your head from the pillow, begin to read a prayer, and so, without changing your position, without interrupting your prayers, you would get up in the morning to go to services, to classes.” Being a monk at heart and already in the 16th year of his life having experienced the grace-filled effect of prayer, he, however, had no apparent reason to resort to confession to a monastic person, because he was not yet fully aware of the peculiarities of his spiritual state, according to which complete frankness before a worldly clergy person could rather harm than benefit. Experience taught him this truth. The devout young man was not content with a year-long approach to the sacrament of Holy Communion, but needed more frequent reinforcement of himself with this spiritual food, which is why, to satisfy his desire, he turned to the school’s teacher of the law, the archpriest, the rector of the Church of the Engineering Castle - Alexy Ivanovich Malov - a student of the St. Petersburg Theological Academy and a Master of Theology 37 . This unfortunate choice had the most tragic consequences. The confessor told the confessor that he was struggling with many sinful thoughts. The confessor, having understood the confession in his own way, suspected the pupil of criminal political plans and considered himself obliged to bring this to the attention of the head of the school, Lieutenant General Count Sivers. A Lutheran by faith, the count, together with the school inspector, Major General Baron Elsner, who did not understand the Russian language at all, called Brianchaninov and subjected him to strict interrogation: what exactly were his plans, which he himself recognized as criminal or sinful. It took a lot of work to explain to the Lutheran Germans the difference between criminal intentions and sinful thoughts, but ascetic concepts were not intelligible to the Lutherans, and a shadow of suspicion was cast on the young ascetic. They began to follow Brianchaninov. The unsuccessful choice of a confessor had extremely unfavorable consequences: the young man fell ill, according to Fr. Mikhail Chikhachev, never recovered after that. After this very difficult confession, Brianchaninov’s spiritual mood became clearer, which is why he began to look for another confessor, one more in keeping with his mood. He turned to the monks of the Valaam metochion 38, began to go there every Saturday and Sunday for confession and Holy Communion and, taught by experience, tried to do this secretly from the school authorities. In this holy task, he was joined by his schoolmate Chikhachev, one of the nobles of the Pskov province, who entered the school at the same time with him and was very beloved by Emperor Nikolai Pavlovich. Dimitri Aleksandrovich became attached to Chikhachev with the most sincere friendship, despite the dissimilarity of their characters: the first was serious, thoughtful, focused on himself, the other was a merry fellow, a talker, with his soul wide open. Chikhachev devoted himself to Brianchaninov more like a son to his father than like a brother to his brother: such was the influence of Dimitri Alexandrovich on his comrade. The very first acquaintance of these two young comrades is full of tenderness and a truly Christian character. Once, in friendly conversations, Dimitri Alexandrovich, interrupting Chikhachev’s cheerful chatter, said to him: “Be a Christian!” “I have never been a Tatar,” his comrade objected to him. “So,” said the first, “yes, you need to fulfill this word with deeds and delve more diligently into it.” From that time on, both of them went to the monks in the courtyard, confessed and received communion, prayed, were edified by soul-saving conversations, labored. This is how Chikhachev himself describes these walks in his notes, where he openly says what effect they had on him action: “One Saturday I hear an invitation from my friend to go to the priest. “Why?” “Yes, it is my custom to confess and on Sunday partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ. Watch and don't fall behind." My poor little head was then in amazement and great confusion. Fear and horror: what and how, I’m not ready, I can’t! “It’s not your business, but your confessor’s,” the comrade answers bravely and draws you along with him with his love. Once it’s done, and on the next Saturday the same invitation comes again. Although this was apparently done easily, my entire inner being was shaken. Youth and health, and all the external circumstances, and the whole situation, and besides, the internal strong uprising of passions and habits, enraged by opposition to them, terribly worried the soul, and could it have resisted its weakness if there had not been an invisible force that supported it from above? And with all this, if I had not had such a friend, who admonished me with his prudence, and always laid down his life for me, and shared every grief with me, I would not have survived in this field - the field of voluntary martyrdom and confession.” The monks of the Valaam metochion lovingly received young people, because they saw in them a sincere desire for God and a desire for the path of salvation, but they, as people without a scientific education, primarily limited to external feats, could not fully satisfy their spiritual needs, which is why they advised the young people to turn to the monks of the Nevsky Lavra for spiritual edification 39 . Some disciples of the elders Fr. were staying there at that time. Theodora 40 and Fr. Leonidas 41, men experienced in spiritual life who received monastic education: the first from the famous elder Paisius Velichkovsky, archimandrite of the Moldavian Nyametsky monastery, and the second from his disciples. Such were Hieromonk Aaron, monks Chariton, Ioannikis and others 42. Young people began to go to these monks. Through them they met the Lavra confessor, Fr. Athanasius, who with his truly fatherly, loving behavior made them forget the unpleasant impression made by the inexperience of the first confessor. The young people rejoiced when they found true mentors who fully understood their spiritual needs and could use them abundantly. They intensified their zeal for the deeds of piety, increased their visits to the monks, and enjoyed the Lavra’s divine services, which made a greater impression on them because it was more majestic and longer than in the courtyard. They conferred with the monks as spiritual fathers about everything related to internal monastic work, confessed their thoughts, learned how to protect themselves from passions, sinful habits and stumbling blocks, how to be guided by books from the writings of St. fathers, etc. Good monks, especially Fr. Ioannikiy and confessor Fr. Athanasius, shared with the monk-loving and wise-minded young men everything that was the property of their many years of spiritual experience. Dimitri Alexandrovich often surprised them with his questions, which concerned aspects of spiritual life that indicate a fairly mature spiritual age. Such close friendship with the monks had a corresponding effect. Dimitri Alexandrovich became a complete ascetic in his soul, surrounded himself with the works of St. fathers, mostly of ascetic content, which, rereading with greed, he deepened even more deeply into self-contemplation and apparently lost interest in secular society. In his Lamentations he says this about himself: “Before the eyes of the mind there were already the boundaries of human knowledge in the highest definitive sciences. Having come to the limits of this, I asked the sciences: what do you give as property to a person? Man is eternal, and his property must be eternal. Show me this eternal property, this sure wealth, which I could take with me beyond the grave! The sciences were silent. For a satisfactory answer, for an answer that is essential and vital, I turn to faith. But where are you hiding, true and holy faith? I could not recognize you in fanaticism, which was not imprinted with evangelical meekness, it breathed with fervor and exaltation! I could not recognize you as a self-willed teaching, separating from the Church, forming its own new system, vainly and arrogantly proclaiming the acquisition of a new true Christian faith eighteen centuries after the incarnation of God the Word. Oh! In what painful bewilderment my soul floated!.. And I began often, with tears, to beg God so that He would not give me up as a sacrifice to error, so that He would show me the right path along which I could direct an invisible procession to Him with my mind and heart. Suddenly a thought appears to me... my heart is drawn to her, as if into the arms of a friend. This thought inspired us to study faith in the sources - in the writings of the holy fathers. “Their holiness,” she told me, “vouches for their loyalty: elect them as your leaders.” I obey. I find a way to receive the works of the holy saints of God, with thirst I begin to read them and study them deeply. Having read some, I take on others, read, re-read, study. What first of all struck me in the writings of the fathers of the Orthodox Church? - This is their agreement, a wonderful, majestic agreement... What teaching do I find in them, by the way? – I find a teaching repeated by all the fathers: the teaching that the only path to salvation is unwavering adherence to the instructions of the holy fathers. “Have you seen,” they say, “anyone, seduced by false teaching, who died from the wrong choice of exploits? “Know: he followed himself, his reason, his opinions, and not the teaching of the fathers,” from which the dogmatic and moral tradition of the Church is compiled. This thought was for me my first refuge in the land of truth. Here my soul found rest from the excitement and winds. A good, saving thought! Thought is a priceless gift from the all-good God, who wants all people to be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth! This thought became the main stone for the spiritual creation of my soul! This thought became my guiding star! She began to constantly illuminate for me the difficult and sorrowful, narrow, invisible path of mind and heart to God. Such are the blessings with which my God has granted me! Such is the incorruptible treasure, guiding me into a blessed eternity, sent down to me from above from the heavenly throne of Divine mercy and wisdom. God, God Himself, with a good thought, has already separated me from the vain world. I lived in the middle of the world, but was not on the common wide, angular path. A good thought led me along a separate path to living cool springs of water, through fruitful countries, through picturesque terrain, but often wild, dangerous, crossed by abysses, extremely secluded. A traveler rarely travels along it. Reading the Fathers convinced me with complete clarity that salvation in the depths of the Russian Church is undeniable, something that the religions of Western Europe are deprived of because they have not preserved intact either the dogmatic or moral teachings of the primal Church of Christ. It revealed to me what Christ did for humanity, what the fall of man consists of, why a Redeemer is necessary, what is the salvation delivered and delivered by the Redeemer. It kept telling me: I must develop, feel, see salvation in myself, without which faith in Christ is dead, and Christianity is a word and a name without its implementation! It taught me to look at eternity as eternity, before which even a thousand-year earthly life is insignificant, not only ours, measured by some half-century. It taught me that earthly life should be spent in preparation for eternity, just as one prepares on the threshold to enter the magnificent royal palaces. It showed me that all earthly activities, pleasures, honors, advantages are empty toys with which adult children play and lose the bliss of eternity.” 43 Malov A.I. (1787–1855) - famous preacher, confessor of the Decembrists. The first Valaam courtyard in St. Petersburg with a church in the name of St. Sergius and Herman opened the monastery in 1820 on Myasnaya Street in Malaya Kolomna. It is interesting that the utensils and iconostasis were donated by Emperor Alexander I, who loved to visit the courtyard. Alexander Nevsky Holy Trinity Lavra - founded in 1710 on the left bank of the Neva, at the confluence of the Black River. It was the center of church life in the capital and the residence of St. Petersburg metropolitans. Schemamonk Theodore (1756–1822) - having received spiritual direction in the Nyametsky monastery from St. Paisius, became one of the renewers of internal monastic work in Russia; lived in many monasteries, died in the Alexander-Svirsky Monastery. His first life was compiled by novice Dimitri Brianchaninov in 1829. Venerable Leo (L.D. Nagolkin, 1768–1841) - tonsured into the mantle with the name Leonid in 1801, in the schema Leo, founder of the Optina eldership, canonized in 2000, commemorated October 11/24. His correspondence with St. Ignatius published in the book: Ignatius (Brianchaninov). Journey to the gates of eternity: Correspondence with the Optina elders and P. P. Yakovlev, clerk of St. Ignatius. M., 2001. pp. 125–148. Publ. and note. O. Shafranova. Archimandrite Aaron (A.D. Petrov) - since 1821, hieromonk of the Alexander Nevsky Lavra, in 1826 appointed builder of the Novgorod Perekom Monastery, since 1842, Archimandrite Aaron - viceroy of the Lavra. Died on April 18. 1844 T. 1. Ascetic. experiments. pp. 554–560.