Е. Духонина. Из моих воспоминаний об отце Иоанне Кронштадтском

Being outraged by the tendentious reports distributed in liberal Jewish newspapers about Father John Ilyich Sergiev, this deeply revered and respected pastor and prayer book, I decided to write what happened through his prayers to me and my loved ones. I am writing the absolute truth. How this lamp saved my life, led me off the wrong path, on which I could have completely died, having become terribly carried away by spiritualism, how it took me under its leadership, like a spiritual daughter, and, putting me on the real path, made me a sincere Christian. Now I will only briefly outline what had a particularly strong influence on strengthening my feeling of prayer; Later, I intend to publish my diary more fully, because in the last four years, living at the St. Petersburg Convent of St. Petersburg, founded by the priest, I saw many other cases showing that this is truly a great prayer book and a great shepherd of the Church of Christ. The first time I heard about Father John Ilyich Sergiev was in 1888, in the city of Vyborg, under the following circumstances: my husband served in the Finnish district, took the place of the Vyborg commandant, and for him, as a sincere Russian patriot, this service was terribly difficult, because he constantly had to deal with the Swedes and Finns, opponents of everything Russian, and when he began to ask for his transfer to Russia and from the two offered to him Division, on my advice, chose the worst, upset one, instead of the other, brilliant one, which caused surprise in his comrades that he did not know how to take advantage of circumstances and seemed to be ruining his career - he began to worry and despondency, and began to blame me for giving the wrong advice. I fell into despair and began to think that life was not worth living. My friend, seeing me in such a mood, advised me to resort to the prayerful help of Father John of Kronstadt. I wrote him a letter in Kronstadt, asking him to pray for us. And when I received a telegram from him - “I pray, the Lord is merciful, he will calm and comfort you,” I was resurrected in soul and ran with the telegram to my husband; and he, without yet seeing her, said: You know, a change has happened to me, I have completely calmed down and am convinced that I did the right thing. Why listen to people, because it is not they, but the Lord who arranges everything. When he read the telegram, he said: that’s why such a change has happened to me, the Lord heard the prayers of this righteous man! Now he and I went to church and served a thanksgiving service and prayed for our dear priest. In 1890, while in Orel, I again had to turn to Father John Ilyich Sergiev, and through his prayer I again received consolation. My twelve-year-old nephew fell ill: measles was complicated by pneumonia; The doctors sentenced him to death, which was expected from hour to hour. I sent a reply telegram to the priest, asking him to pray, and before the answer had yet arrived, the boy suddenly fell asleep in a good, restful sleep, his face perked up, his deathly pallor disappeared, the doctor who was with him was amazed and told me: look, what good signs, he’ll probably get better; Then they sent a telegram from the priest with the following content: God is merciful - he will send healing. And from that moment the recovery began. I met dear Father John Ilyich in Moscow in 1892, when my husband held the position of chief of staff of the Moscow district. Having met S.Ya. Burkhart by chance at the cavalry lady V.E. Chertkova and having learned that she was traveling with her father, my husband and I begged her to bring her to us, if she wished, on February 19th. And on this day we had the good fortune to host this lamp and prayer book. From that day on, I completely got rid of the terrible migraines that I had been subjected to every two weeks since the end of the Turkish war. We arranged a solemn meeting for the priest, placed a wonderful choir of singers on the stairs, the entire staff gathered to receive a blessing, and when he arrived, my husband and I ran out into the street, the priest blessed us and, going up the stairs, kept his hands on my sore head the whole time; the singers greeted him with singing. Entering the hall, he greeted everyone, blessed, talked with my husband and another general, went into the living room, where everything was prepared for the prayer service; During the prayer service, I somehow prayed especially wonderfully, and we were in a prayerful mood and something special was happening to our souls, and the singers sang with extraordinary enthusiasm. Having blessed the water, he allowed everyone to venerate the cross; at my request, he sprinkled the entire apartment with holy water; then I went to the dining room, where tea and a snack were prepared, the priest prayed, blessed me and spoke to my husband, asking about the service and treating him unusually kindly. He asked me what I was doing, and, having learned that I was completely absorbed in spiritualism, he said that this activity is harmful, your nerves will be completely upset! And in response to my statement that this is so exciting that I can know the future not only of myself, but also of others, he said: this is an activity not pleasing to the Lord, because unkind spirits are speaking to you; I would advise you to quit these classes. I said that I just can’t part with this, I’ll die of melancholy, because I don’t like light, all worldly pleasures are disgusting to me; that my long-standing desire is to enter a monastery! Father suddenly, unexpectedly for everyone, said: well, at the end of your life, perhaps you will be in a monastery, but now, nevertheless, engage in spiritualism less. After talking with my husband about politics, I expressed my pleasure to him that I had met him, blessed us all so well, and kissed my husband; I kissed S. Ya. B. with all my heart because she brought us such happiness. We accompanied the priest to the carriage, getting into which, he blessed me again and again put his hand on my head. The singers sang the concert. After seeing off the priest, my husband and I were blissful all day. Then the priest visited us in Moscow several times; but the last time he saw my husband was in 1895, when we asked the priest to consult with him and receive his blessing for a new life and to move to Minsk to command the 4th Army Corps, formerly Skobelevsky, and to thank him that through his holy prayers I was completely cured of migraines. Father came, so gracious and cheerful, served a prayer service, during which we prayed with tears, allowing us to venerate the cross, and sprinkled us abundantly with holy water. And then, coming to the dining room, he asked me if I was still practicing spiritualism, I said that I was continuing; he shook his head and said: oh, this is not a good activity, not at all pleasing to the Lord; You will completely ruin your health! Then my husband said: dear father, she doesn’t want to go to Minsk at all, and I wouldn’t mind staying and living in Moscow; Would you bless me to refuse the appointment offered to me? Father looked especially kindly at my husband, hugged him and said: you know, Your Excellency, that everything is done according to the will of God - which means that the Lord destined you for this post, and my advice to you is to take the offered place. The Lord knows what you need and is useful for your salvation, and that’s what he sends. However, forgive me for expressing my opinion to you this way, you are more experienced than me and you yourself know better what to do. The husband was deeply touched by the priest’s cordiality, bowed at his feet and thanked him from the bottom of his heart for his advice; here I bowed at his feet and asked him to accept my deep gratitude for curing my headaches. Father began to say that it was not he who cured, but the Lord who healed me out of my deep faith. Then my husband said: and so bless me, dear father, for the change in my life and for our move to Minsk. Father blessed him and kissed him deeply, like a loving father; but I noticed that the priest’s face became sad, as if he was looking at him for the last time. Then, after talking about Skobelev and current affairs, the priest blessed us again and left. December 22, 1895 Yesterday I buried my priceless husband, with whom I lived happily for thirty-five years, being loved as only one can love in this life. He died suddenly on December 17 and not at home, in Minsk, but in Moscow, in the Patchwork Hotel, both at the moment of the best life and in anticipation of an even higher appointment in the service. How I endured this grief, only the Lord knows, the priest’s prayers helped me here too. S. Ya. B., having learned about the grief that befell me, took a lively part in me and at the same hour asked the priest by telegram to pray for the deceased and for me. And she didn’t leave me until she was completely satisfied with me. Father came today, treated me kindly, consoled me, served a requiem mass, and blessed me with the icon of the Iveron Mother of God. Then he confessed me; I told him my whole life and expressed my desire to go to a monastery. But he was even stricter than Bishop Tikhon, who lowered my husband’s coffin into the grave, and ordered me not to change my lifestyle and not think about the monastery; He told her not to dare to think about it, but to continue to live as she lived, without even depriving herself of some comforts and habits, he blessed her to go to Minsk, arrange everything there and move to live in Moscow, he didn’t even order her to sell the horses, but for now to hold them too. I only ask and even beg you - quit your studies in spiritualism from today, so that you no longer talk to your husband, or to anyone else. This I forbid you, and I ask you not to read anything you have written, and best of all, burn all your writings. This was such a blow for me that I can’t even say it, because I had already started conversations with my husband and they fascinated me terribly. And when I said, how can I refuse this, when these conversations only support me, he said so sternly: this is not support, but destruction, pray to the Lord more diligently, He will support you and draw you to Himself, and if you do not leave, then see that the Lord does not turn away from you. I said that I would try not to write, but just let me not destroy the notebooks, but take it and see how well it is written there. He took the notebook, blessed it affectionately and said, “I’ll read it, but I still won’t give permission to study.” I promise you that I will pray to the Lord for you, so that he will support you and give you strength to endure this grief well. And he left. I felt light and calm. September 16, 1897, Moscow Oh, happiness! My prayer has been heard! Father John visited me today; After serving a prayer service with the blessing of water, he blessed my entire apartment, which he really liked. Today I begged the priest to take me as his spiritual daughter. When I approached him with this request, he looked at me very graciously and asked: – Will you always obey me in everything? - Father, you know me, it’s been two years since, on your orders, I quit practicing spiritualism. - Yes! Yes! I know! - and thought about it. Then I got down on my knees and began to beg him with the following words: “Take it, dear father, order me to do something, if I’m guilty of anything, impose penance - I’ll do everything with joy.” Father, smiling tenderly, said: “Look, you’re so quick,” he then added very seriously, “I’m taking you as my spiritual daughter, but about life... and in general, all this is too serious, let me think.” And, having kissed my head, he went into the dining room, where I begged him to take a knitted blanket from me as a souvenir of my work. Father accepted, saying: - What a needlewoman you are, thank you, thank you. I gave the priest the telegram I received from the abbess of the Oryol Vvedensky Monastery, in which she expresses deep gratitude to the priest for her healing. – Thank God, when I was in Orel, they told me that she was very ill; I served in the cathedral and sent her to tell her not to dare to get sick, but I asked the Lord about this with all my heart, and here He, the Merciful, heard my prayer. Then the priest blessed me and left.