Священник Иоанн Попов. Поездка в Кронштадт к отцу Иоанну

How good you feel when you are renewed in spirit. And if it were not for everyday prudence, and sometimes direct need, one should make a pilgrimage every year at least to the nearest shrine. In another world, my soul soared and felt indescribably, inexplicably miraculously blissful... What an edifying impression is made on the soul - especially on the soul of a rural man in the street, especially on a soul that has been previously cleansed by confession - the performance of Divine services “according to the order” and the external splendor of the church of God!.. The Lord honors the pilgrim with such unearthly happiness. Thanks be to God! I was also a pilgrim. I was happy: for a small material deprivation I received spiritual wealth from the Lord. This is what I want to share with the readers. 1892, January 21 (evening), 22, 23 and 24 (morning) I was in Kronstadt, with Father John. Everyone knows his name and his deeds. Much has been written about him. But I think that my simply stated lines will not be devoid of at least a small amount of edification and interest. I am making extracts from the diary I kept during my trip to Kronstadt. After spending the night in St. Petersburg, I rush to Kronstadt. For thirty-three kopecks I traveled by rail to Oranienbaum; here I hired a cab driver for forty kopecks. What a solemn train it was to Kronstadt by sea! The road on the ice is smooth and straight, with pillars, with booths, and along this line, in single file, from Oranienbaum itself to Kronstadt, for eight miles, almost continuously stretched carts of cabs with passengers: they ride in one horse, they ride in pairs, in threes, sleighs of all kinds, as well as the cabbies themselves - Russians, Chukhons, as well as the horses themselves - Russian and Chukhon breeds. Hundreds of carts go to Kronstadt, overtake each other and all “to the priest.” Occasionally they go back and forth: here comes a frisky pair of horses with a sled, and in them sits a military man and next to him a woman, and the latter covers her face with a handkerchief: “she must be crying,” I thought. The closer I got to Kronstadt, the more and more a joyful feeling came over me. Here is Kronstadt: the surface of the land on which the city is located is almost even with the surface of the sea; a whole forest of masts of wintering ships and chimneys of factories are visible. At the very entrance to the city, helpful apartment owners greet guests, “Come to us, come to us: the priest comes to us every day,” even the cab driver offers the same kind of service, but I, having previously stocked up on the address of the deceased apartment, strictly order the cab driver to take me to Andreevskaya Street, to the apartment opposite the gate of Father John. Here is St. Andrew's Cathedral... Thank God! Here is the house of Father John! What a joy it is to see with your own eyes what you have read so much about!.. Spiritual greatness is modestly presented in appearance. Here is the gate to the courtyard, where the inscription reads: “Church house of St. Andrew’s Cathedral”: on both sides of the gate there is something like a large front garden behind a high wooden lattice; in the courtyard you can see a two-story stone house with an iron roof and in it, on the second floor, in several rooms, lives “he”, of interest to thousands of Christians - Father John. I enter the apartment: the hostess greets me cordially and offers me a room for an inexpensive price. Inspecting the new temporary home. Everything speaks of dear father: in all the rooms, except for the icons with burning lamps, large portraits of Father John with his own handwritten inscriptions hang on the walls, in good frames; on the tables, under the icons, there are porcelain vases with water - for the water-blessing prayer. Visitors arrive and are accommodated, some in a common room, some in special ones. The nature of the life together between the visitors is purely family, even with a religious and pious connotation: everyone is united by one thought, one desire to see their dear priest as soon as possible, to pray, to talk with him... About four o'clock in the evening. It's time for Vespers. Let's go to the cathedral; about half a mile away from our apartment and the house of Father John; and I remembered what I had read in the biography of Father John that he could not walk this half-mile, but he absolutely had to go so as not to be delayed by the crowd. I approach the cathedral: on its fence there is a so-called “street” library: framed, behind glass, on one side of the cathedral there are “Trinity Leaves”, and on the other - information about the “Society for Rescue on the Waters”. I enter the cathedral: clean, spacious, bright, with three altars. Vespers began; on the choir there was a reader and three or four singers; Father John is not here: he left for St. Petersburg. After Vespers I return to the apartment. At about six o’clock in the evening the hostess says: “Would anyone like to go to Akathist?” I inquired to know more details about this; It turns out that akathists are being read in the house of the merchant Bykov, read by the “master” (not a spiritual person). Let’s go “to the Akathist”; There were quite a few people in our apartment who wanted to listen to him. We enter the house of merchant Bykov. What appears to our eyes is something like a chapel: a large prayer room, in front there are many icons in a row, like an iconostasis in a church, with many burning lamps and candles. There were already a lot of people and everyone was singing something. I squeeze through the crowd forward to the bars; I see the “master” - an old man, who, as it turned out later, is not the owner of the house, but simply a reader “with the blessing of the priest.” I stand listening: they sing “Bless the Lord, my soul”, “Blessed is the man”, “I have cried to the Lord”, “Quiet Light”, “Lord vouchsafed”. The reader then turns to the crowd and says: “The little book “My Life in Christ” has just been received from Moscow - extracts from the diary of our father Father John; let’s read from it.” And he read the preface and several pages of the said book. There was also a reading of an akathist to the Holy Trinity, and all those present sang “Holy, Holy”... and “Alleluia”. I also read an akathist to Saint Mitrofan. In a word, this pastime reminded me of our village liturgical interviews and I really liked it. This ended the first day, or rather the first evening of my stay in Kronstadt. “He is all in God and, apparently, pleasing to God!” - this is the general expression of that enthusiastic feeling that covers everyone who had the good fortune to be close to Father John of Kronstadt. Thank God that the Lord has deigned me, a sinner, to be near the venerable priest, to see him, to listen to him, and even to be his prayer companion. I was so happy that Father John was not only at home, but also had his week of service, whereas on another week he could serve the Liturgy, for example, in St. Petersburg. Let me begin by describing them in order. Having risen from sleep, having read the rule for communion of the Holy Mysteries, at five and a half o'clock in the morning I go to the cathedral. Beggars are already scurrying along the street. I enter the cathedral: it is still empty and dark; Only at the teacher's box there is lighting and people. People arrive and rush to take a place closer to the bars, near the salt. I had just managed to inquire from the psalm-reader whether it would be possible for me to serve the Liturgy together with Father John, and I found out that Father John was pleased with this. I had just managed to take off my outer warm dress and stand at the side northern doors of the altar, when I saw: still in the twilight, like a shadow, a clergyman in a cold (summer) duckweed, of small stature, flashed by, and - straight to the throne, fell prostrate, stopped for a few moments in a prayerfully motionless kneeling position, she venerated the throne and also quickly walked to the altar... It’s him, Father John! I guessed, and I was not mistaken. Some secular, intelligent persons had already made their way into the altar and, through psalm-readers, laid memorial notes on the altar. Father John hastily looked through the notes; Noticing the presence of unfamiliar personalities in the altar, he approached them, stopped for a few seconds, blessed them and listened to their requests. Father John came up to me, shook hands as usual, asked where I was from and who I was, and I asked permission to take part in the service. Meanwhile, another priest began Matins in a side chapel. New and new faces arrive at the altar, who try at every step, in every place to catch, stop Father John, express their requests to him... When Father John notices that there is too much vanity in the altar, then, probably, fearing to be distracted by thoughts and distracted by attention from internal prayer, he quickly goes, as if not paying attention to anyone, to the third side altar, where there is no service, hides there and, falling prostrate before the throne or leaning his elbows on the altar, he prays fervently inwardly for several minutes; again returns to the main altar and again - annoying requests from different sides. While I was reading the prayers of the lamp, I heard: the canon was already beginning on the choir, the irmos was being chanted and someone was reading so unusually - in an original way. “This is him,” I thought, noticing the absence of Father John in the altar, and moved to the southern doors. The position is the most comfortable: I see the face of Father John and hear him reading... So what? I traveled one and a half thousand miles here to learn something from Father John, and here is his reading - inimitable reading! (But one can and should imitate many things from Father John.) Father John reads - exactly as he talks, talks with God, the Mother of God and the saints. Voice – second tenor – clear, sonorous; pronunciation – articulate, distinct, abrupt; Father John will say one word quickly, another drawn out, almost breaking it down syllable by syllable; at the same time, Father John’s whole being is so imbued with the thoughts contained in the reading that he cannot resist making the most expressive gestures; he is not calm: it is as if a blissful smile shines on his lips when reading, for example, about the heavenly Glory of God, the Mother of God and the saints of God, then it is as if righteous anger breaks out of his mouth, especially when reading the words “Satan”, “devil”, then Father John bends his head towards the book itself; sometimes he shakes it so majestically, so wonderfully solemnly; then finally, during the singing of the irmos or litanies, Father John, if he does not sing along with the singers himself, bends one or both knees right there on the choir, covers his face with his hands and prays tenderly - prays, prays fervently. – This fervent prayer is the fault of the just described gestures of Father John, and they do not at all testify to some kind of painful nervous state of Father John, as they erroneously wrote somewhere. After the sixth song and litany, Father John exclaims: “kontakion” and reads it. Having finished reading the canon, Father John quickly enters the altar and falls before the throne; Having strengthened himself with prayer, he goes back to the choir and reads “stichera on the verse.” At the first hour, we, six priests, led by Father John, left the altar, performed “entrance prayers” and began to put on our vestments. Father John was the first to put on his clothes and began to perform the proskomedia. We all read the names on the notes, Father John himself reads some of them, and more often than not, taking particles out of the prosphoras, he prays aloud: “Remember, Lord, those who brought them, and for the sake of bringing them... remember everyone by name, weigh their names yourself...” Whole baskets of prosphoras were carried to the side altar, and there two priests took out the particles. In a kamilavka, with a shining cross and a chain on his chest, with a slight blush on his face from inner warm prayer, stood our abbot and a strong prayer book. Here he suddenly, unexpectedly, impetuously takes the holy altar cross and kisses it with love, or, more accurately, kisses it: he hugs it with both hands, looks at it so tenderly, his lips whisper a prayer, kisses it three, four times and clings to it with his cheek and forehead!.. When exclamating at the Liturgy, Father John has the same intonation of voice as when reading canon at Matins, although he utters some exclamations in a drawn-out manner, but with such an effort in his voice, with such a tender gaze of his eyes at the high place, or completely closing his eyes and going deep into himself, that it is impossible to stand near him indifferently at these moments. During the Liturgy, Father John is not only internally, but also externally calm: his attention is entirely focused on the Mysteries of Christ that will soon be on the throne, and his body is, as it were, chained to the throne. Father John hardly touches the missal; He reads all the prayers in a low voice from memory. The closer the minutes of the transubstantiation of the Holy Gifts come, the more and more elevated the mood of the soul is reflected in the voice and face of Father John. After the Cherubic Song, Father John soon finished the prayer prescribed in the missal, leaned his elbows on the throne, clasped his face in his hands, and pressed his forehead to the veil, which hid the Holy Gifts that were soon to be transfigured: Father John hid himself from the curious gaze of people, he seemed frozen in this position, and his soul burned with the fire of prayer... A wondrous moment! An unforgettable picture! And this is for us, those around the throne, but what did his soul feel? It was grief - she ascended to the sky! Now Father John rose up, as if he had come to his senses, and again his lips expressed the prayer of his heart. “Woe are our hearts!” - exclaims Father John, turning to the Royal Doors and to the people, raising his hands to the mountain and immediately lowering them: as if with wings his body wants to fly to where his spirit hovers... “We thank the Lord! It is worthy and righteous to worship...” Father John exclaims again: the first words are louder, and the last are quieter - and begins the prayer. “Take, eat, this is My Body,” Father John places special emphasis and raises his voice on the word “Body,” and solemnly points with his finger. With the exclamation “Yours from Yours,” Father John placed a special emphasis in his voice on the word “about all”: his soul feels the burden of the burden that everyone asking for his prayers places on him, and so he himself asks God for strengthening of his weak flesh. "By Your Holy Spirit! Amen!" - Father John proclaims in a sincerely believing tone and, as if for great reassurance of those present at the altar, he adds: “God has appeared in the flesh!..”; and his lips whispered something else, but I caught with my ears the expression: “Surrounded by Angelic armies!..” But even without words, all the features of Father John’s face clearly show that he is completely occupied with the Holy Mysteries; this is a favorite topic of his prayerful reflections and in his diary. By the way, Father John shows this reverence for the Holy Mysteries in the fact that countless times slowly, without the sign of the cross, Father John bows his head before the great Mysteries in the depths of his sincere humility... Oh, it’s not in vain that I most often mention sincerity in Father John’s prayer... It’s a pity, it’s a shame to remember that there are people who do not believe in this sincerity! They themselves have never experienced what sincere, fervent prayer means, and they do not want to see it in others. Meanwhile, is there room for suspicion here? Complete unselfishness and impartiality are the surest guarantee that Father John, his life, his prayer are “the most amazing sign of the times,” as the late Most Reverend Nikanor, Archbishop of Kherson, put it. Is there any place for some kind of pretense of a wondrous shepherd? Come to your senses, blasphemers!.. Think about yourself: are you not partly like those contemporaries of the Savior who called Him - the Savior - the Most Holy Truth - “Beelzebub”? There should be temptations here too, but woe to those, temptation comes from them!.. So Father John partook of the Body and then the Blood of Christ and, standing away from the throne, while we were approaching to receive communion, Father John prayed again - the tender gaze of his eyes would either lift up the mountain, then lower it down... Father John began to fragment the parts of the Lamb for the communion of the laity; and here, although no prayers are prescribed in the Service Book, but so that during such a holy task, God forbid, the soul would not be confused by idle thoughts, Father John again whispers a prayer, and fragmentary expressions from the canon of Simeon Logothet “on the crucifixion of the Lord and the cry of the Most Holy Theotokos” reached my ears. The liturgy is over. Father John, without unmasking, quickly goes to the table near the altar, collects the sacrifices - ruble and larger pieces of paper, hastily and "carelessly puts them in his pocket, hurries through the southern doors to the choir and here gives the readers and singers; the latter - especially boys - rush to kiss the hand of the benefactor. And in the side altar doors, new petitioners for blessings and prayer help are already waiting; having noticed them, Father John quickly passes through the royal gates and, having prayed in front of the throne, then hastily listened to the requests of the persons standing in the altar, going out for the same thing to the soleya, at different ends of it, and begins a prayer service. Father John performs the prayer service quickly, and yet his prayer is fruitful. In this particular place, I consider it useful to quote an excerpt from Father John’s diary about prayer: “Is it possible to pray hastily without harming your prayer? It is possible for those who have learned inner prayer with a pure heart... But those who have not acquired heartfelt prayer should pray slowly.” And so Father John, as having already acquired a precious gift from God - heart-inner prayer - hastily fulfills its external ritual form. And I often deal with casuistic questions in my pastoral practice, I pursue the letter, and ignore the “spirit”. Woe to me, lazy one! The prayer service performed by Father John was without an akathist. Father John read the Gospel again in the same conversational tone and, having finished this reading, exclaimed with a sincere feeling of gratitude: “Glory to Thee, Lord, glory to Thee!” He allowed almost no one to approach the Gospel and the cross. Now whoever is free can leave the church of God, but Father John remains with his “friends” and “children”. Attention! A general confession begins - one of the amazing phenomena in the Kronstadt moral world. Having undressed, I stood on the left choir, where some intelligent people were standing. After the initial exclamation of Father John, a young psalmist with a strong voice reads clearly and quickly the “sequence of confession.” Father John emerges from the altar onto the pulpit in a humble form, without a kamilavka... He speaks a lesson about repentance. Both this, and that, and the third are expensive here; and who speaks, and what he speaks about, and how he speaks. Directly, without the usual “In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit,” Father John twice began teaching in front of me like this: “Sinners and sinners like me! You have come to this church to bring repentance for your sins to the Lord Jesus Christ our Savior...” Having said a few heartfelt words, Father John declares: “Listen... I will read prayers of repentance.” And - he reads!.. Indescribably, inexpressibly well, Father John reads these prayers. “O God our Savior”... calls out Father John, looking touchingly at the icon of the Savior, “... thy servants s-i-x” Father John reads these words drawn out, breaking them down syllable by syllable, turning to the people, and then... ah! what amazing gestures Father John makes every time at the word “these” or “them”: either with his entire open right hand he leads those praying over the heads of the bottom of the ambo, or - what is even more expressive, like a prophet of a formidable and righteous Judge, he points his finger into the crowd, in one direction or another... Oh, how touching, touching and at the same time scary it comes out when you involuntarily remember your moral impurity. Having read the prayer, Father John declares that it needs to be “interpreted,” and continues again to talk about repentance: how the kings David and Manasseh mentioned in the prayer sinned, how they repented and how we need to repent. The teaching, apparently, is simple in expression, not artful - ornate in presentation and, however, original in everything: in the word, in the presentation, and in the pronunciation itself. I noticed that with special love Father John pronounces the name of the Savior or the Holy Trinity and to this name he will certainly add three or four epithets with a gradual rise and emphasis of his voice on each word. However, one can guess that Father John has some special secret that has a strong effect on the hearts of his listeners. Father John began to read the second prayer and in the middle inserted an explanation, so that the explanation itself, expressed in a Church Slavonic turn of phrase, constituted, as it were, a continuation of the prayer; and all this was said with sincerity, sometimes in an address to the icon of the Savior, sometimes to the people. And among the people, prayerful sighs have long been heard, tears are in the eyes of many, and Father John most often reminds of them in his teaching. I especially liked one expression: “Yes! What kind of repentance do we have?.. We are all just tearing off the tips, the stems of sins. No! The roots, the roots of sins need to be torn out...” And indeed, with his words, spoken with passion, with his gestures, naturally and so expressively made, Father John brought the repentant crowd of a thousand to such a mood that when, approaching another two steps along the pulpit to the crowd, almost in an imperative tone he said: “Repent! Repent!” - and moved his hand in different directions, then a terrible, unheard cry and sobbing arose throughout the entire church... Some woman screamed in a desperate voice: “Father! Forgive me! Our dear, pray!” “Forgive me, Lord, the accursed,” a voice is heard even stronger from the other end... Everyone’s tears flow uncontrollably. The longer the time, the more tears: here behind me and opposite, on the right choir, stood hitherto apparently indifferent, more curious faces, but here they are kneeling and shedding burning tears... My own callous heart melted - a hardened one, a tear rolled down from me too, a repentant tear, a gracious tear, a life-giving tear, a saving tear! Oh, how sweet are those tears of repentance!.. And the priest himself? And he, having made his last request: “Repent! Repent!”, repeating it on the ambo and on the two ends of the solea, he stood on the ambo and, without turning his face away from the people, listening to their repentant cry, he himself, the mediator between the heavenly Judge and repentant sinners, himself, the earthly judge of human consciences, stood motionless, bowed his head and was completely immersed in inner prayer... Finally, Father John himself shed tears, wiped them with a white handkerchief and crossed himself in gratitude to God for the people’s repentant tears... Oh, an unforgettable picture!.. And it was quite long - no less than five, or even all ten minutes (there was no time for precise calculations). The spirit of contrition for sins penetrated into all hearts. I haven’t heard a list of sins or their names, but they say it happens sometimes. “Hush, hush, brothers,” the priest’s new request is heard. Silence is established, although a muffled sigh hidden in the depths of the oppressed heart can be heard. "Listen! God has given me, like all priests, the power to bind and loose the sins of men... Listen, I will read the prayer of permission! Bow your heads: I will cover you with the stole and bless you, and you will receive forgiveness of sins from the Lord." Thousands of heads humbly bow, a prayer of permission is read, Father John takes the end of his stole and passes it through the air in all directions and blesses. Glory to Thee, Lord, glory to Thee! You have deigned me, a sinner, to experience a blissful state: tears and heartache were replaced by inexplicable joy and relief in my heart. Yes, no matter what you say, no matter how you judge, people have little faith, but here is an unusual phenomenon. Here is a lesson for me. For example, the pastor of Kronstadt in “general” confession achieves incomparably greater fruits than I do in private confession, even if I spoke not only five to ten, but half an hour and a whole hour about repentance to every sinner who came to me for confession. So condemn, lawyer, the general confession of Father John: God is his intercessor. Just as there is no indulgence here for my laziness: for my general confession God will condemn me. Father John is in exceptional circumstances in this case. With such a reading of the prayers, with such an interpretation of them, and most importantly - with such a clear result of all this, which we have already seen, there does not seem to be any particular need to read the exhortation “behold the children” contained in the breviary..., and it is omitted by Father John. A new statement from the priest is heard: “Now listen to the prayers for communion,” and the young psalm-reader reads them loudly and clearly; Father John himself prays before the throne. The reading of prayers does not continue for long: Father John brings out a large chalice filled with the Holy Mysteries, Father Deacon places a stable wooden column on the pulpit and supports the chalice placed on it. "Friends! You will receive communion. Approach with the fear of God and faith, keep away from those from Kronstadt, let the newcomers approach first..., do not crowd, stand back in your places... Approach the chalice with your arms crossed on your chest... Having received communion, kiss the edge of the chalice, like the rib of our Lord Jesus Christ. After that, do not prostrate... Remember what you are approaching: in the smallest particle— entirely Christ,” Father John makes such and similar brief exhortations, and communion begins for no less than a thousand Christians who have mourned their sins. After standing a little longer, I left the church of God. But he should have stood still longer: perhaps he would have heard something else. They say that Father John refuses communion to others until the time of more sincere repentance; many Kronstadt residents explain this to me by the foresight of Father John; I believe this too. Thank God for everything we saw and heard! Now, immediately after the completion of the communion of the laity, without stopping home, in a cab, who had offered his services to the breadwinner for free, Father John went to serve prayer services in the apartments where there were visitors and where the owners of their apartments had invited them. And now we are also waiting for his visit. The eleventh hour passes, the twelfth and the first hours pass in languid anticipation of Father John for the prayer service. Everything is prepared for this: the lamps are all lit, on the table, in the “common” room, memorial notes are folded, and on a plate there are sacrifices (silver coins), even a vase with water is open... Now Father John is already in the neighboring house... We are in anxiously excited anticipation... Suddenly a pair of horses with a cabman in a sled rushed past our windows... “Father John is being taken away! Father John is leaving for St. Petersburg!” - the sad news flashed between us... The hostess asks me to accompany her to the neighboring house with a request for Father John to visit us too. Let's go. They let me into the house and the front door is locked, since a crowd has already gathered on the street, surrounded the sled and is pressing against the doors of the house. I stand in the exit corridor, listen and observe: a prayer service is briefly and hastily performed in one room, then another; I notice a lot of fuss in the house, especially of the housewife herself: she will quickly approach the exit doors and order that they lock it and not let anyone into the house; in the house itself he will open some doors and close others; the tenants themselves almost literally run from one room to another, obviously after the priest... The door quickly opens and Father John quickly goes to the exit; some old woman throws his warm cassock over him, and I didn’t notice how instantly he put it on, galoshes on his feet, took his hat and already found himself right at the exit door, and here was the sleigh; he is being pursued by a crowd, in which I am also involved; Requests are heard from all sides: "Father! Come to us! Bless! She is sick! Father! Father!.." At the exit doors, despite all the efforts of the young psalm-reader, Father John was squeezed so tightly that he winced a little, but did not say a word; he broke through the crowd and got into the sleigh; but the crowd rushes to the sleigh and grabs the cassock; Father John lays his hand on all sides, even once he put his hand back, and all this so quickly that you barely have time to follow; I, pushed aside by the crowd, did not have time to express my request... The sleigh soon hid Father John from the view of the crowd... The crowd scattered on two sides... And in the situation just described, Father John is focused on internal prayer: he doesn’t seem to see or hear anything, although at times he listens attentively to the content of the request, gives a short answer and rather hurries to where his prayerful help is most and most likely needed. "This priest has no time to eat! He is completely busy with prayer and the needs of others. If we had even a hundredth share of this selfless love, love not for ourselves, but for others, then we should not pull Father John towards us, but, on the contrary, for the time being, we should evade him from our annoying requests; let him cope and rest at least a little, and I will wait. No, we want to do all the things in one day and quickly to go home, but we think little about the fact that Father John, no matter how spiritual, is still a mortal human body,” - this is how I consoled and reproached myself and my roommates and justified Father John’s departure to St. Petersburg. The day ended with Vespers in the cathedral and the reading of akathists in a private house for those who wished. They tell me, already about to go to sleep and asking about Father John, that he will arrive from St. Petersburg around eleven at night. I went out into the street at ten o’clock at night and saw: a crowd of beggars filled the street. The hostess explains to me that from a thousand to one and a half beggars from Kronstadt gather in the morning, before Matins and at night before the priest’s arrival, to receive alms, and the priest, through a proxy, sends a large sum; this trusted person exchanges this amount for rubles and the ruble is issued for twenty people: the morning patch goes towards food, and the evening patch goes towards lodging for the night. So I fell asleep that night with the thought: “here is a true philanthropist for the poor and needy!” New day. I served the Liturgy for the second time with Father John. Today Father John treated me so attentively that, at the end of the Liturgy, he gave me a prosphora, and I dared to ask him to visit my apartment; promised to be, which made my roommates happy, and now we are waiting for our dear guest. I would like to receive him with due honor. Today Father John did not give communion; every other day he imparts; and therefore he finished his work in the church early, and will soon come to us... Ah, rare happiness! Until my grave, do not be erased from my heart and my memory, you, a joyful impression! Father John was in the apartment, he was there, he had just left in his flesh, but in his spirit Father John was still here, here, next to me! I’ll start by describing this visit in order. Four to six fathoms from our apartment stands the cart of Father John... He is there! He will soon, soon be here too!.. He will, undoubtedly will be... We are all in awe and reverent anticipation!.. Several times I went out and met the approaching dear guest at the threshold; Other people also came out... A crowd was already gathering around the sleigh, and they were approaching our apartment... “He’s coming!” I'm in a hurry to the meeting. Our dear guest gets off the sleigh; we meet him at the entrance; I support him a little by the arm, protecting him from the onslaught of the crowd; on the other side, the psalm-reader also does. There was a commotion in the apartment. They took off the priest’s warm cassock, but he was silent and only blessed everyone. Father John enters the nearest room and the doors are locked; However, they let me through. Father John puts on the stole and begins a short prayer: “Blessed is our God,” and the young psalmist hastily and clearly sang in a baritone voice directly “God the Lord,” troparia to the Savior and the Mother of God, singing twice: “Glory to Thee, our God, Glory to Thee” (instead of “Sweet Jesus, save us” - in our region) and “Most Holy Mother of God, save us”; Father John reads the Gospel; Soon, Father John immerses the holy cross in water, the psalmist sings “Save, Lord,” and Father John says a short health litany, in which notes are read with the psalmist; makes a release, sprinkles holy water on the worshipers and vegetables prepared for consecration (apples, grapes, etc.). Blessed and consecrated vegetables, like water itself, are taken apart by those praying and preserved for a long time. Warning the priest's haste, during the prayer itself, especially before the end of it, tearful prayers are heard: "Father! She is sick! Bless her!" The priest turns in different directions and lays his hand on him; and he consoles: “Hope!.. you will be healthy” and something like that. When moving to another room, Father John listens to various requests and promises to fulfill them or rejects them. I was especially struck by the circumstance that took place in the “common” room, where there were poorer people. There was a peasant woman from a distant province, very ill, her husband took her, and she could barely move her legs; They also followed the priest, not daring to make a request and always remaining behind the crowd... Only suddenly Father John makes a sharp turn back, comes straight up to this peasant woman and, laying his hand on her head and then on her shoulder, consoled her, and touched us all with the words: “God bless! God bless!.. You will be healthy...” On one of these transitions from room to room I meet Father John and ask him to come into my room!.. He came in and then alone we talked for quite a long time. Father John comforted me a lot with his conversation!.. Here, by the way, when I saw Father John, so to speak, face to face, it would be useful to say something about his appearance. Looking at the portrait of Father John at home - the “Russian Pilgrim” award - I used to imagine him as a more or less physically large man; in fact, when I first saw Father John in the cathedral, he seemed to me to be a very short man; Now, having taken a closer look, I still find him a man of average height; his face, although thin, is pleasant due to the regularity of its outline, the light blush spread across his cheeks; and how much goodness shines in his blue eyes! The slightly brown hair on the head is sparse and short: it is probably cut off, but one cannot even imagine that Father John would be engaged in cutting his hair; and that he occasionally combs them and bifurcates them in a straight row - I myself saw this in the cathedral. Father John’s beard is also not long, and gray hair is starting to appear in the middle: he is already sixty-two years old. The cassock on Father John is decent, but not dandy. Father John's gait, as has been described more than once, is fast and impetuous, although, for example, during the Great Entrance with the Holy Gifts, Father John walks straight, harmonious, calm, with a firm gait, as if counting each step. That, it seems, is all that can be said about the appearance of Father John. After serving another prayer service in my apartment, Father John said goodbye to us and left for St. Petersburg. Today, before Vespers, I visited the “House of Diligence,” where I went into schools and dormitories for boys and girls; I was also in the dining room. Everything is arranged perfectly, and the children are happy when I, pointing to a large portrait of the priest, the “founder” of these establishments, asked: “Who is this?..” Somewhere in the yard there is a special section for unskilled workers. I regret that I didn’t have to be in church: there was no watchman at home: but the church is good, they say. Today I also visited Father John’s secretary. He's in a military uniform. He explained to me that “now I have up to six thousand letters at my fingertips; day and night, without straightening my back, I sit, sorting them out”... Once I saw this secretary in the cathedral with some kind of report to the priest, and the priest, having listened to him, told him something and gave money to send to someone. It’s still a new day and already the last day of my stay in Kronstadt. And again the Lord honored me with His mercies: for the third and last time I served the Liturgy together with Father John... I marked this same day of departure from Kronstadt for myself by serving a memorial service at the grave of Father John’s mother, Theodora (in the general cemetery, under the chapel), and there I also remembered his father, the reader Ilya. I'm leaving Kronstadt. Oh, how pathetic and sad I am to part with him! I am leaving this blessed corner - I am going to a distant country... and I will again be enveloped in the vanity of the world... Oh, may I not perish, O Lord, in the waves of the sea of ​​life - to the one drowning in them, for the prayers of the venerable shepherd Father John, extend to me, like the Apostle Peter, Thy all-powerful hand! What was I and what will I become? Oh, if only I had even a thousandth share of the pastoral zeal of Father John. All that remains now is to make some more general comments and a general conclusion and thus finish my diary. Despite all the apparently detailed descriptions of the external side of Father John’s public prayer, there remains a vast area of ​​home prayer, an area inaccessible to anyone’s observation: how Father John prays at home is the greatest mystery for everyone! And she—prayer—grew there, in solitude... Although it is bold, it is not out of place to touch here on the family and work relationships of Father John. Father John did not and does not have children. Wife Elizabeth now, for her husband’s fervent prayers, sees in him a special chosen one of God. His colleagues treat Father John with reverence and respect, not only as the archpriest and keymaster of the cathedral, but especially as a strong man of prayer. The Kronstadt residents told me: our father often prays for his brothers and greatly grieves for their careless shepherds; once he even expressed it: “If we were all shepherds as we should be... then the devil would have nothing to do.” I cannot resist writing here, in my diary, some expressions from the diary of Father John. “Priest Angel, not a man... Lord Jesus! May your priests be clothed in Truth, may they always remember the height of their calling and may they not become entangled in the snares of the world and the devil, may the sadness of this world, the flattery of wealth and other lusts entering their hearts, flee from their hearts.” "Who is this Angel who stands before the throne of the Lord? For it is the nature of angels to serve the Lord unceasingly and to stand before His throne. This is an intercessor for people, bearing the image of the Intercessor, the God-man Jesus Christ, this is one of the people placed at the service of God, as the Apostle Paul says; but his service is angelic. He is a mediator between God and people, His close friend, according to the word of the Lord: you are friends by nature, if you do great things. I command you: it is like God for people with the power to bind and solve the sins of men, to perform life-giving and terrible mysteries for them, to be adored by them and to adore others through them; this is the second New Testament Moses, leading the host of God through the wilderness of this world to the promised land; this is Elijah of the New Testament, bringing down from heaven the immaterial fire of the Holy Spirit on the presented Gifts; This is Joseph of the New Testament, feeding his brethren with heavenly bread during the spiritual famine of sin. High is the rank of priest!” Isn’t it a consequence of such prayers and prayerful reflections of Father John (and there are many of them and how beautiful they are! See the book: “My Life in Christ” and “Russian Pilgrim” from 1891) that the Kronstadters asked me that every year more and more priests come to Kronstadt? This is how a priest befits us! So and so, or at least similar, and not completely different, I should be a priest. And I, I... Oh, Lord Jesus Christ, my chief shepherd! You feel terrible for yourself when you compare the wonderful pastoral zeal of Father John and your cold negligence!.. You feel terrible for yourself! It is not for nothing that St. John Chrysostom once said: “I don’t think there will be many among the priests who are being saved, but many who are perishing.” This word is terrible! Alas for me!.. Thank God that in our time the Lord is raising up among us sinners such an ascetic as Father John. “Be known by your other people, just as you appeared to me, more philanthropic!” (“My life is in Christ.”) Be, be known, Lord: this is the true and eternal life of all Your people.