Евангелие

I advise you to read the Gospel more often and for a long time, especially from John. Read so that only your ears hear: you understand, you don’t understand - read. The blessed word of the Gospel will greatly drive away boredom and despondency and will calm you down, just read more and longer, recognizing such temptation as God’s permission to test you and to discover the inner hidden deposit, in order to try to heal the hidden illness of the soul with the Gospel remedy indicated by the Lord Himself, who says: Learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you will find rest for your souls (Matthew 11:29). The Lord says through the Apostle: Vengeance is Mine, I will repay (Rom. 12:19); that is, leave everything to the Lord, and the Lord will reward you in a way that you are not able to reward, even if you wanted to (2, part 3, pp. 86–87). I was very upset by your reckless self-thinking regarding the Gospel, as if something could have been said in the Gospel teaching that was not true. You give the reason that your long-standing desire and request is not being fulfilled, contrary to what is supposedly said in the Gospel: Ask, and it will be given to you (Matthew 7:7). Therefore, you are the fool of fools, and your reckless opinion is nothing more than delusion from the charms of the enemy, the beginning of which was your own pride, which, although for a time it was covered with the guise of external humility, but finally showed its great trouble. Think for yourself. How great is the pride: if our request is not fulfilled, then it turns out that there may be something wrong in the Gospel teaching. This saddens me all the more because, I remember, I already wrote to you about this the word of Saint Climacus, ... where he says: “Everyone who asks God for something and does not accept it, of course, for one of these reasons does not receive it: either that they ask ahead of time, or not according to dignity and with vanity, or because, having received what they asked, they would become proud, or because, after the fulfillment of their desire, they would fall into negligence.”... Humble yourself, leave your madness and for this sin, make 15 bows for 40 days with the prayer “Lord, forgive my madness and sin!” (2, part 3, pp. 40–41). You might be interested in: