Воспитание детей

Even in the Old Testament it is said: an unpunished son is sorrow for the father and sorrow for the mother (see Proverbs 17:25), i.e. a son not instructed in the fear of God and the law of the Lord. Nowadays, many parents teach their children many things, often unnecessary and unhelpful, but they neglect to instruct their children in the fear of God and the fulfillment of God’s commandments and observance of the decrees of the One Catholic Apostolic Church, which is why children for the most part are disobedient and disrespectful to their parents and are indecent for themselves and for the fatherland, sometimes even harmful (2, part 2, p. 58). You are burdened by the concern of how to give your children a Christian upbringing, and you express this concern like this: “Every day I see from experience that I do not have enough firmness to fulfill my duty according to my conscience, and I feel very unable to mold the soul of a person in the image and likeness of Divine teaching.” The last thought is expressed very strongly and relates more to the assistance and help of God, and for you it will be enough if you take care to raise your children in the fear of God, instill in them the Orthodox concept and with well-intentioned instructions protect them from concepts alien to the Orthodox Church. What good you sow in the souls of your children in their youth may later vegetate in their hearts when they come to mature courage, after bitter school and modern trials, which often break off the branches of good Christian home education (2, part 1, p. 102). You write that you are deeply convinced that there is no other source of well-being for man on earth and eternal bliss in heaven except the Church of Christ, and that everything outside of it is nothing, and you would like to pass on this conviction to your children, so that it would be, as it were, their hidden life, but it seems to you that you have no calling to teach and cannot speak with the proper strength of conviction about this great subject. As a child-loving mother, pass on information about these subjects to your children as best you can. No one can replace you in this, because you would first have to explain your concepts and desires to others, and besides, others do not know your children and their emotional disposition and needs, and, moreover, the words of a mother can have a greater effect on them than the word of a stranger. The instructions of others act on the mind, but the instructions of a mother on the heart. If it seems to you that your son knows a lot, understands a lot, but feels little, then, I repeat, do not be upset by this either. And pray to God about this, that he may arrange something useful for your son, like news (2, part 1, p. 111). You write: “I would like my husband and I to avoid that destructive disagreement in the matter of education, which I see in almost all marriages.” Yes, this thing is really sophisticated! But you yourself have noticed that arguing about this in front of children is not useful. Therefore, in case of disagreement, it is better to either evade and leave, or show as if you did not listen, but do not argue about your different views in front of children. Advice on this and discussion should be in private and as coolly as possible - so that it is more effective. However, if you manage to plant the fear of God in the hearts of your children, then various human quirks cannot act so harmfully on them (2, part 1, pp. 103–104). You write that you notice dryness or little feeling and other shortcomings in your son. But in childhood, not many people have a true, real feeling, and for the most part it manifests itself at a more mature age, already when a person begins to understand more and experience something in life. Moreover, an excess of inner feeling imperceptibly serves as a reason for secret exaltation and condemnation of others, and a lack of feeling and dryness involuntarily humbles a person when he begins to understand this. Therefore, do not be too upset that you notice this shortcoming in your son; over time, perhaps, the inevitable trials in life will awaken the proper feeling in him, but just take care to convey to him, as far as possible, sound concepts about everything, according to the teachings of the Orthodox Church. You write that until now you yourself have studied with him and went through the Sacred History of the Old Testament with him, and you ask how and what to teach him and who to choose for this? Having gone through the Old Testament with him, you yourself must finish this matter, that is, move on to the New Testament, and then begin catechetical teaching. You are afraid that the dryness of the catechism will not add warmth to it. The catechism does not add warmth to anyone, but it is enough that children have the correct understanding of dogmas and other subjects of the Orthodox Church (2, part 1, p. 110). You find it difficult to choose and appoint a confessor. In order not to upset your confessor, just explain to him in advance everything that you find necessary and useful for your son, with the addition of a request to fulfill it, since in your mind a sacred atmosphere during confession is necessary for a child, although for someone who understands it it does not have any particular meaning. Before confession, you yourself will take care of your son and prepare him for this Sacrament as best you can. Make him read the commandments with an explanation before confession. Regarding the correction of his shortcomings, you can sometimes tell him in a half-joking tone: “You are a young prince, don’t hit yourself in the dirt through such actions” (2, part 1, p. 111). You are obliged to teach children, and you must learn from children yourself, according to what was said from the Lord Himself: If you are not like children, you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 18:3). And the holy Apostle Paul interpreted it this way: Do not be children in your mind: in evil, be infants, but in your mind be adults (1 Cor. 14:20) (2, part 1, p. 196). You ask how to accustom your pet to serious activities, but you yourself realize the difficulty of your task. It is especially tricky to advise from afar when you do not know how our words will be received. First suggest that they make day out of day and night out of night, and when you succeed in this, then you can think about something else. And in general, taking into account the circumstances, do what you can, calling on God’s help and assistance from above from the Lord, who wants everyone to be saved and to come to the mind of truth. In good moments, you can tell your pet that, as a Christian, she should read spiritual books in addition to magazines and not take the word for any nonsense indiscriminately: that you can be born from dust and that people used to be monkeys. But it is true that many people began to imitate monkeys and humiliate themselves to the point of monkeys (2, part 1, p. 183). My opinion regarding reading activities is to first of all occupy the young mind with Sacred History and reading the lives of saints by choice, imperceptibly sowing in it the seeds of the fear of God and Christian life, and especially with the help of God it is necessary to be able to instill in him how important it is to keep God’s commandments and what disastrous consequences come from violating them. All this can be deduced from the example of our ancestors, who ate from the forbidden tree and were therefore expelled from paradise. Krylov’s fables can be left for a while, but for now, keep the child busy by learning by heart some prayers, the Creed and selected psalms, for example: “He lives in the help of the Most High,” “The Lord is my enlightenment” 15 and the like. The main thing is that the child is occupied to the best of his abilities and directed towards the fear of God. Because of this, everything good and good, as well as, on the contrary, idleness and failure to instill in children the fear of God, are the cause of all evils and misfortunes. Without instilling the fear of God, whatever you do with your children will not bring the desired results in terms of good morality and a well-ordered life. When the fear of God is instilled, every activity is good and useful (17, pp. 124–125). You might be interested in: