НЕДЕЛЯ АНТИПАСХИ

Appearance of the Lord to Saint Apostle Thomas Today, the Resurrection, throughout the entire Easter week, the Risen Lord no longer appeared to His disciples. Eight days after Easter, the disciples gathered together again, and Thomas was with them. The doors, as they had been that evening, were locked again. Suddenly Jesus Christ appeared among them and said to them: Peace be with you! - (John 20:26) and, turning to Thomas, responding to the demands of his doubting heart, he said to him: “Put your finger here and see My hands; give me your hand and place it in my side; and do not be an unbeliever, but a believer” (see: John 20:27). Then the miraculous appearance of the Lord and His miraculous word, showing His omniscience, defeated the disciple’s doubt; he no longer dared to put his fingers into the nail wounds or put his hands into the ribs of the Risen Savior. Ashamed of his unbelief, he confesses in prayerful reverence: My Lord and my God! (John 20:28). Now he believes with all his heart, because he has seen the Lord and experienced the power of His Resurrection. The Lord, accepting the confession of His disciple, however, says to him: you believed because you saw Me; Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed (John 20:29). By this He pointed us, who had not seen Him, to the word that His apostles announced about Him. The custom of continuing the celebrations of great holidays up to seven days was already in the Old Testament Church. This is how Passover and the Feast of Tabernacles were celebrated. The last of the holidays was especially solemn, called great (see: John 7:37) and, as it were, replaced the holiday itself. Following this example, from an overabundance of spiritual joy about the Risen Savior, and in the Christian Church, the eighth day after Easter, as the end of the celebration of Bright Week, has since ancient times constituted a special celebration, as if in replacement of Easter itself, which is why it is called Antipascha, which means: instead of or against Easter. Moreover, this day, serving as the conclusion of the Bright Week, serves at the same time as the beginning of another - a new Week after Easter - the queen of holidays; it begins the circle of Weeks and Weeks of the whole year; on this day, for the first time, the memory of the Resurrection of Christ is renewed, which from the very apostolic times has been customary in the Church to remember every seven days, that is, on every first day of the week. This is where the name of Antipascha comes from: New Week, i.e. the first - the day of renewal or simply renewal; which, according to the explanation of St. Gregory the Theologian, resembles that first day of peace, which followed the solemn end of creation. But with the eighth day after Easter, the memory of the appearance of Jesus Christ to His disciples on the eighth day after the Resurrection and the touching of the saving wounds of His Body by the Apostle Thomas is automatically connected; hence the name, more commonly used among us, of Antipascha, the Week of St. Thomas the Apostle, or St. Thomas. This remarkable event - as the most obvious proof of the truth of the Resurrection of Christ and as the experience of the inexpressible love and condescension of the Risen Lord to the weakness of the human heart and in His disciples themselves - was used as the basis for church hymns throughout the new Week. The Holy Church, reminding us of the appearance of the Lord with the daily reading from the Gospel, invites everyone to sing with thanksgiving to the One who has been gracious - for our assurance - to let Himself be touched: “Loving mankind, great and unapproachable is the multitude of Thy mercies: for Thou art longsuffering, from the Jews we are heard, from the Apostle we are touched, and from those who are rejected by Thee we are much tried: how Are you incarnate? How were you crucified without sin? But give us reason, like Thomas, and cry out to You: My Lord and my God, glory to You!” In the ancient Church, the Sunday of Antipascha still had a special purpose, which remains in use today in the Western Church. Namely: in ancient times, the holiday of Easter was a solemn time for the baptism of Jews and pagans who converted to Christianity; this Sacrament was performed on them on the night of the Holy Day. The newly baptized, or - as the ancients usually called them - newborns, were dressed in white clothes - the image of their infancy in Christ, which they wore throughout Bright Week. On the Week of St. Thomas, these clothes were solemnly removed from them in the church and placed in a special vestibule of the church. That is why all the days of Bright Week were often called white days. The Church's view of the unbelief of the Apostle Thomas 1. What was the Apostle's unbelief? a) In disbelief of the testimony of fellow disciples about the appearance of the Lord to them. He said to the apostles: “I have no faith unless I see the Lord.” “Unless I see Him, I will not believe your words.” b) In disbelief in the Resurrection itself. “I do not believe in Your Resurrection, and those who saw You cried out: unless I put a finger into His side and nails of the wound, I do not believe that He rose up to eat.” 2. What was the basis of his unbelief? a) A strong desire to see the Lord. “Your joyful vision, which Thomas did not believe before.” b) The desire for perfect confidence for yourself and for everyone. “Thomas did not doubt Thy rise in vain, and did not bow down, but rather strive to show this, O Christ, without doubt, with all his tongue.” “You did not believe what was spoken to him, from unbelief you brought faith.” 3. What produced a beneficial change in the soul of the Apostle? a) The gracious appearance of the Risen One Himself. “You showed your hand and your most pure rib to the unbelieving disciple. He believed and cried out to You: My Lord and my God, glory to You!.. And Thomas also believed with the sight of Your hand and side, Confessing the Lord and God.” b) Especially the life-giving power of the Lord’s plagues. “With fear, Thomas placed his hand in Thy life-giving side, Christ, tremblingly felt the action, Savior, the sublime, the two natures in You are united inextricably, and with faith you cry out: You are the Lord...” “Feeling with the hand of Your sublime being, with fear crying out truly, with faith drawn: My Lord and God my, glory to You! 4. What followed such a change in the Apostle? a) The appearance, instead of disbelief, of firm faith. “Having placed the hand of Jesus Christ God into the fiery ribs, Thomas was not burned by the touch. So turn your souls over from malice to good faith.” b) High confession and zeal to proclaim the truth to everyone. “Thomas, rejoicing, touched Thy Divine rib, O Lord, and glorified Thy Creator.” “Cry out when you see You, O All-Powerful One: You are my God and Lord... I bow to Your power and proclaim to the world Your terrible and All-Powerful Rebellion.” “Oh, glorious miracle! John is reclining on the chest of the Word, but Thomas was vouchsafed to touch the ribs: but from there it is scary to look deeply at theology: but he was vouchsafed to teach us in secret: for he clearly presents the evidence of His rise.” 5. What are the beneficial actions of the change in the Apostle for the world and the Church? a) Greater affirmation of faith in the Risen One. “Oh, Fomino’s good disbelief! Bring the faithful hearts to knowledge.” “Oh, glorious miracle! Disbelief in the well-known faith." “Thomas the Twin, who blessed us with unfaithful faith, will solve the gloomy ignorance of all ends with faithful unbelief.” “We rejoice, let us experience: in the same way, O Lover of Mankind, commanded Thomas to do this, stretching out the ribs of the unbeliever, and assuring the world of Thy, O Christ, three-day Rebellion.” b) Discovery of the highest truths of Theology. “I drew wealth from the treasure of the unstolen Divine, Benefactor, with the dig of your pierced rib, the Twin world fills with wisdom and reason.” “Your inconvenient treasure, hidden from us, Thomas: having theologized with God-bearing language, sing to the Lord, as you say, and exalt Him to all ages.” About the firmness and constancy of faith After His glorious Resurrection, the Lord Jesus Christ repeatedly appeared to His disciples and followers. Thus, on the very day of His wondrous Resurrection, He deigned to appear to the apostles, who all, except the Apostle Thomas, out of fear from the Jews, spent time in a locked upper room in common prayer and deep thoughts. To convince the disciples of the truth of His Resurrection, the Divine Teacher showed them His Most Pure hands, feet and ribs. This phenomenon filled the hearts of the disciples with faith and love for their Teacher, so that they announced to everyone that the Lord had risen. But when the apostles told Thomas about the appearance of the Savior, he refused to believe them: if I do not see the wounds from the nails in His hands, if I do not put my finger... into His side, then I will not believe (cf. John 20:25). And while the disciples were celebrating their rise from the tomb of their Teacher and Lord, the heart of the Apostle Thomas was languishing with confusion, sadness and heavy thought. The Lord Himself came to his aid, revealing to him the glory of His Resurrection. Eight days after the Resurrection of the Lord, when all the apostles, not excluding Thomas, had gathered again in one place, Christ suddenly appeared among them and said: Peace be with you (John 20:26). Although the face and voice of the Savior immediately showed the Apostle Thomas the injustice of his doubt, the Merciful Lord was pleased to finally dispel the disciple’s lack of faith. Turning to Thomas, the Savior said to him: Put your finger here and see My hands; give me your hand and place it in my side; and do not remain in unbelief, but be a believer (cf. John 20:27). Touching the healing wounds of the Savior completely healed the soul of the Apostle; filled with a feeling of joy and faith, he exclaimed: My Lord and my God! Jesus Christ said to him: You believed because you saw Me; Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed (cf. John 20:28–29). Subsequently, the Apostle Thomas worked hard to preach the faith of Christ; he also served to confirm the faith of the disciples of Christ, and with them all Christians, in the Divine Ascension to heaven of the Most Pure Body of the Mother of God after Her Dormition. The ancient tradition of the Orthodox Church tells about this as follows. After the descent of the Holy Spirit on the apostles, all of them, endowed with power from above, dispersed in different directions to preach the Gospel, and the Apostle Thomas went to the most distant lands from Jerusalem. The Lord was pleased to miraculously gather them all to the deathbed of the Most Holy Theotokos in order to honor Her with a solemn burial. According to His holy Providence, the Apostle Thomas did not have time to arrive in Jerusalem on the day of the burial of the Mother of God, but appeared here on the third day; he grieved greatly that he could not say goodbye and kiss the Most Pure Body of the Mother of God for the last time. To console the mourner, at a general meeting the apostles decided to open the tomb of the Mother of God. And when they opened the coffin, they did not find the Body of the Mother of God in it, but only burial shrouds. Then everyone knew that the Mother of God ascended into heaven with Her flesh. Thus, for the first time, the glory of the Most Honest Cherub and the Most Glorious without comparison Seraphim of the Mother of God was revealed, Whom the entire Christian race began to honor as their closest Intercessor before the Throne of the Most High. When remembering the Holy Apostle Thomas, turn your attention, Christian, to the words of the Savior spoken by Him to the Apostle: You believed because you saw Me; Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed (John 20:29). For us Christians, there is no longer any need to be convinced of the Resurrection of Christ through any special signs and wonders. The Risen Lord assured His first disciples not only for their sake, but also for the sake of all of us who profess the name of Christ. And the Apostles, for all of us, were convinced of the truth of the Resurrection of the Savior: they saw the Risen Lord with their own eyes, touched His wounds, repeatedly talked with Him and preached about all this orally and in writing to the whole world. Each of us must firmly and undoubtedly believe in this sermon of the apostles, as witnesses and servants of Christ. Since the Lord promised blessedness to believers, we must always try to remain in the Orthodox faith, we must be afraid of all delusions of unbelief and false faith, as well as negligence and carelessness about the faith. So, Christian, keep the Holy Catholic and Apostolic Faith as your most precious treasure, with which you will acquire a blessed life in heaven. How happy is a person who sacredly preserves the teaching of faith taught to him by the Orthodox Church, who does not deviate from this teaching, but tries in everything to please the Triune God according to the Commandments of Christ and His Apostles! He, like a quiet stream, peacefully passes through the valley of earthly life, striving for the Mountain Fatherland, where all the saints live. On the other hand, how pitiful are those who waver in the faith, who, in their own superstition, distort the Orthodox Christian teaching, who separate themselves from their mother - the Holy Church, and who even try to draw others into their errors! They are all preparing eternal destruction for themselves. Unfortunately, apostates from orthodoxy also appear in the depths of our Russian Church. Blinded by pride, they boldly reject the leadership of the God-established Church and its shepherds. Let all the foolish ones fear the righteous wrath of God: by retreating from the Orthodox faith and its guardian the Holy Church, they are leading themselves into fiery hell. Such a case is known. One day the monk Theophan came to the Monk Kyriak, who adhered to the wrong teaching about Christ Jesus condemned by the Church. The Monk Kyriakos began to beg Theophanes to abandon his delusions and turn to the Catholic and Apostolic Church. “The only way to our salvation,” said the monk, “is to think and believe as the holy fathers thought and believed.” Having learned of Theophan’s readiness to accept admonition, Saint Kyriakos said to him: “I hope in God that His Goodness will reveal the truth to you.” After this, he retired into solitude and began to pray to the Lord for his brother. Through his prayer, the lost man had a vision the next day. A formidable man appeared to him and said: “Come and know the truth,” and he led Theophan to a dark and stinking place, and showed him sinners emitting screams and groans from hellish fire. “This is the abode of those,” said the formidable man, “who think wickedly. If you like this place, stay with your false teaching; if you do not want to be subjected to such punishment, turn to the Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church, to which Cyriacus belongs.” Remembering this, beloved brother, stand firmly in the Orthodox faith, bequeathed to you by your fathers and ancestors. Watch yourself and do not enter into communication with vain-wise people who think wrongly about the faith, who, although they want to be teachers of the law, do not understand what they say or say about them (1 Tim. 1:7). One treasury of faith is the Holy Orthodox Church; Only true teachers of the faith are legitimate church shepherds. Stories from Church History about the power of Faith I. To the demand to worship the gods, the holy martyr Blasius answered his tormentor: “Torment my body as you wish, it is in your power; God has power over my soul.” “And if I throw you into the lake, will your Christ save you?” – asked the tormentor. “I believe and hope,” answered the confessor, “that Jesus Christ, my God, will provide me with His wondrous help on the waters.” The ruler ordered Saint Blaise to be thrown into the lake, but he walked on the water as if on dry land. Having reached the middle of the lake, he said to the warriors standing on the shore: “Now show the power of your gods and come here.” Sixty-eight warriors called on their gods and rushed into the lake, but they all drowned. Considering Blasius to be the culprit of their death, the ruler ordered him to be beheaded with a sword. II. For his holy and godly life, Saint Akakios, Bishop of Melitino, was awarded by the Lord the gift of miracles during his lifetime. Once, during a lack of rain, the saint went out of the city and in the open air performed the Bloodless Sacrifice for the sending of rain. At the same time, he showed such strong faith that he did not order water to be poured into the holy cup, hoping that the Lord would send down rain. Firm faith did not disgrace the saint. Through his prayers, rain fell on the earth in abundance. Another time, Saint Akaki celebrated the Liturgy in the church. During the service, due to the fragile structure, the vault of the church was ready to collapse. The people fled from the church in horror, but the saint exclaimed: “Lord, Defender of my life, whom will I fear!” And the vault remained in its place until the saint performed the service and everyone left the church. Then the vault collapsed to the ground with a crash. The saint became famous for many other miracles. His blessed death followed around 435. III. One virtuous friend of Saint Spyridon, Bishop of Trimifuntsky, slandered before the judge, was imprisoned and condemned to death. Having learned about this, the saint immediately went to save him from innocent death. He had to cross the stream, which at that time, due to the flood, overflowed its banks and blocked his path. The holy saint of God, recalling to himself how Joshua with the Ark of the Covenant crossed the dry bottom of the Jordan during its high water, and believing that Almighty God always hears, turned to the stream and, as a servant, said to him: “The Lord who is common to us commands you: stop so that I can pass and save an innocent man from death.” At these words, the stream suddenly stopped, holding back the rush of its waters, and opened a dry path not only to Saint Spyridon, but also to his companions, who, ahead of the saint, let the judge know about his coming and told the miracle he had performed on the way. The judge immediately freed the innocently convicted man and gave him into the hands of the holy wonderworker. IV. Saint Tikhon of Amathunta in his youth sold bread and, having a compassionate heart, distributed it to the poor without money. His father could not help but notice this and therefore at one time severely punished him for this. Saint Tikhon, wanting to reassure his father, said to him: “Father! You are in vain to be angry with me, I do not waste your bread, but I lend it to God and have a receipt from Him - His Divine word: whoever gives to the poor lends to God, and receives a hundredfold from Him (cf. Proverbs 19:17). Don't you believe me? Come and see how true the word of God is.” Having said this, Tikhon took his father by the hand, led him to the granary and opened the doors - the father saw confirmation of the words of the Holy Scripture: the granary was filled with the purest and best wheat, although before there was nothing in it. The father fell to the ground and thanked God. From that time on, he no longer forbade his son to give alms to the poor. Another miracle performed by Saint Tikhon was no less amazing. In one garden, dry branches were cut from the vines and, as was customary, they were thrown away. Saint Tikhon, having collected these dry branches, planted them in his garden; at the same time, he asked God that they would take root and grow, that the grapes on them would be full and beautiful, that the berries would be sweet and healthy, and that the grapes in his garden would ripen earlier. As the saint wanted, so it happened. The next day he went out into the garden to see what had happened to his plantings, and saw God’s blessing on it: all the branches took root and that same summer bore an extremely large amount of fruit; in other gardens the grapes were still green, but Saint Tikhon’s was the ripest, sweetest and healthiest. Listening to the miracles of Saint Tikhon, you, of course, noticed the childish simplicity with which he believed the words of Holy Scripture, and the childish courage with which he expected everything from God. Notice also that all holy men, especially miracle workers, are always like this; they are all like children. Children, without thinking at all, believe everything that their elders tell them: and saints, without any doubt, believe everything that the Word of God says. Children boldly expect everything from their parents; and the saints boldly expect everything from God. V. The Lord said: if you have faith like the grain of a mountain, you say to this mountain: “Pass away from here,” and it will pass away (Matthew 17:20). And these signs will follow to those who believe: in My name demons will give birth, new tongues will speak, they will lift up serpents, even if they drink death, it will not harm them, they will lay them on their sick hands, and they will be healthy (Mark 16:17-18). We read the life history of the saints and see that all this is justified by the deed itself. You say to this mountain: go away from here, there, and it will pass away: and, indeed, the mountains moved according to the prayerful word of St. Mark and St. Gregory, Bishop of Neocaesarea. In My Name the demons are cast out, and the demons were not only cast out by the saints, but even served them. New tongues will speak: Saint Pachomius did not know Greek, but he prayed and began to understand the Greek monk who came to visit him, and answered him in Greek; and the Monk Or read without learning to read. The serpent will be taken away: the Holy Great Martyr Irina was thrown into a ditch filled with snakes, but not only did she not suffer anything from them, on the contrary, they died from her mere presence in the ditch. Even if they drink mortally, it does not harm them: the holy martyr Michael, on the orders of his tormentor, drank poison and remained intact, while the same poison, drunk by one criminal sentenced to death, immediately took his life. They will lay them on sick hands, and they will be healthy: the Monk Paphnutius of Borovsky built a church; one icon painter, named Dionysius, who worked for this church, became very ill with his legs and had to leave work, but Saint Paphnutius only said to him: “Get to work, Dionysius, God will bless you, the Mother of God will give you health,” and the sick Dionysius immediately set to work, and his illness was gone. Stories about Russians' love for the Orthodox faith Russians have long been distinguished by their special love for the holy faith of Christ and the Orthodox Church. During the Tatar yoke, many Orthodox Christians testified to this love with their blood. I. In 1246, the Tatar Khan Batu called Prince Mikhail of Chernigov to him and demanded from him, through his wise men, that before entering the Khan’s chamber, he, according to the custom of the Mongols, walked through fire and bowed to the sun and idols. The noble prince answered: “I am a Christian and cannot bow to creatures and idols.” When he was offered one of two things - either to bow down or to die - the prince did not hesitate to choose the latter, despite all the convictions of those close to him; prepared for a Christian death and tasted cruel death from the barbarians. The example of the valiant prince was then followed by his beloved boyar Theodore. II. In 1270, another Russian prince, Roman Olegovich Ryazansky, was slandered in the Horde as if he had slandered the khan and his faith. The Khan gave the prince into the hands of the Tatars, who began to force him to their faith. But he not only did not agree to this, but openly confessed that the Christian faith was truly holy, and the Tatar faith was vile. The embittered pagans cut out his tongue, gagged his mouth and slowly cut out all the members of his body at the joints, so that the new martyr really became like the ancient Jacob the Persian, according to the chronicles. III. Defending themselves from attacking enemies or speaking out against them themselves, the Russians were convinced that they were shedding their blood and dying, first of all, for the Holy Faith and the Church. “We will die for the Holy Mother of God (i.e., for the Collegiate Church of the Most Holy Theotokos) and for the right faith,” said the residents of Vladimir when it was besieged by the Tatars. “We will die for Hagia Sophia (i.e., for the St. Sophia Cathedral),” Novgorodians usually repeated when gathering on the battlefield. “Let us shed our blood for the house of the Most Holy Trinity and for the Holy Churches,” the Pskovites exclaimed in the days of Dovmont, repelling the attacks of Lithuania. And the holy noble prince Dimitri Donskoy, setting out with an army from Moscow against the Tatars, said to the other princes and governors: “Let us go against the godless and wicked Mamai for the right Christian faith and for the holy churches, and for all infants, and elders, and for all Christians.” Yes, the Russians loved their Fatherland, and in it, first of all, they loved their holy faith and their Holy Church. The Russians were all the more attached to the holy faith and the Church because in them they only found consolation and reinforcement in the midst of disasters and sorrows, especially from their enslavers, and in the name or title of Christians they saw their main difference from the Gentiles - the filthy Hagarians and their superiority over them. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believed (John 20:29) This happened a long, long time ago. I was then young, and ardent, and curious. Since childhood, a living and pure faith in the Lord was not implanted in my heart. And the older I got, the more disbelief crept into my soul. I didn’t know how to believe, I wanted to find out everything with my mind, my feeling. And this is how the Merciful Lord enlightened me. It was a fresh, early spring. During Great Lent I had to go on business to a small provincial town. Seven miles from the city, on a hill, stood a beautiful monastery. Many holy relics rested there. I loved singing very much and often came to the monastery to listen to the monks’ choir; they sang really beautifully. I had several monks I knew in the monastery, and I often spent the night with them. Whole evenings we used to argue about various objects of faith; I openly laughed at their faith, at their reverence for the holy relics, and I, unfortunate one, boldly declared my unbelief. The monks were horrified and began to admonish me. Of all of them, I especially liked one monk - the tall, stately Father Irenaeus. He was of a noble family, a very educated and intelligent man; his thin and slightly yellowish face with large black eyes was striking in its severity and holiness. I often had long conversations with him. In the fourth week of Lent, I chose a warm day and went to the monastery. I looked at the church, listened to the singing of the monks and went to the cell of Father Irenaeus, with the intention of spending the night. While we were talking, we didn’t notice how it had already gotten dark, but we still didn’t stop talking; From time to time the guard's blows on the cast-iron board were heard. The monastery was sleeping. “No, give it up and get your unbelief out of your mind,” said Father Irenaeus, “unbelief is a grave sin, and will be severely punished by the Lord.” “Well, if I actually proved to you, Father Irenaeus, that you are all mistaken, would you believe me?” – I asked. “What are you saying, come to your senses! Our fathers and grandfathers were no more stupid than you and me, but they believed this. And the Orthodox Church has believed for centuries; millions of Orthodox people have believed and believe. Finally, read the lives of the saints... How can one doubt the holiness of the saints of God and the incorruptibility of their relics? What are you saying!.. God be with you!” - Father Irenaeus explained. I remained silent, but I myself harbored a daring thought in my heart. “I’ll do that,” I decided and went to bed without saying anything to Father Irenaeus. I could not sleep on the monk's hard bed. Father Irenaeus prayed for a long time and finally dozed off on the floor in a corner. Having made sure that he was sleeping, I quietly got up, dressed somehow and hastily left the cell. The pre-dawn stripe was white in the east, the stars were beginning to fade. The breeze cooled my face. I went straight to the church. It was open. With the faint flickering of the lamps, one could barely discern the images and outlines of the church. Two monks were fussing around the right side chapel and did not pay attention to me. The service was about to begin. For a minute I felt scared. I went to the left aisle to the shrine of the holy relics resting there, stopped near them and looked around; a lamp was burning near the open shrine. There was no one in the church; the monks must have left. Once again some inner fear froze my heart. I tried to smile, walked up to the shrine and boldly lifted its cover... I wanted to touch the relics with my own hands, to see closely the face of the deceased saint, otherwise I could not believe in the holiness of the relics. Some force was bowing my head lower and lower... My hand was about to touch the relics... But suddenly... there was a terrible clap of thunder, or a flash of lightning... or something else, I don’t know... I only saw a raised hand... Everything around me began to spin, it became dark... there was some noise in my head, in my ears... I came to my senses on the floor, in terrible, painful darkness. What happened to me, where I was - I don’t know anything. I tried to rub my eyes, to see where I was, everything was in vain... There was darkness all around, as if in a grave. Then I understood everything... I went blind. He planned a terrible thing, and the Lord punished me severely and deservedly for it. Again, with melancholy and torment in my soul, I fainted. I came to my senses when there were a lot of people around me, voices were heard, and I heard the voice of Father Irenaeus. Immediately, in front of everyone, I, a previously healthy person, now an unfortunate blind man, told my inexorable sin and my punishment... I knew, I felt that the monks were crying over me... and I bitterly regretted that I had not listened to their words. Since then I have remained in the monastery, and every day I pray before the holy shrine. I ask the Lord and the saint to forgive me my grave sin... I often cry and pray... Now I'm an old man. The Lord had mercy on me - my eyes see a little, and I was able to write everything that happened to me. Once, when I was returning home from a long absence, on the eve of the New Year, a strong blizzard captured me in the steppe: tired horses, stuck in a snowdrift up to their chests, could barely drag our cart. Flakes of wet snow spinning in the air blinded our eyes, and finally we completely lost our way. So more than one hour of tedious wandering through the snowy plains passed at random, until the distant barking of a dog revealed to us the proximity of human habitation. We headed towards it, and soon the dark outlines of some landowner’s farm appeared in front of us. We were hospitably greeted by the owner, a retired Caucasian officer of old times: he introduced me to his family, consisting of his wife, an elderly lady with an unusually meek and pleasant expression on her face, and two adult sons who came from the capital to stay with him for the holidays. They all turned out to be very kind people, and therefore it is understandable the pleasure with which I, having warmed up from the road, sat in the office of Alexander Nikolaevich, that was the name of the random owner, and talked with him over a glass of tea in front of a hot fireplace, which involuntarily made me forget about the bad weather raging outside. At first our conversation was no different from the conversation of people who had recently met, but then it took on a more frank and intimate character, and the conversation turned to more or less remarkable cases that have ever coincided in the lives of each of us with the New Year holiday. “As for me,” said Alexander Nikolaevich, “twenty-two years ago the New Year was marked for me by a circumstance that will remain in my memory not so much because of the exceptionality of what happened, but because it gave me the opportunity to comprehend the immeasurability of God’s mercy towards fallen man, who was already intending to lay a sinful hand on himself.” I asked him to share his memories with me, and this is what he told me: “First of all, I should tell you that you see before you a man who for many years doubted the existence of God. At first glance, it would seem very natural that a life full of daily hardships and military dangers, such as mine was during the era of the conquest of the Caucasus, should have developed in me the view that “without God you can’t reach the threshold,” but this was far from being the case, and, since childhood, having heard and read all sorts of human nonsense that rejected the existence of God, the Church and everything holy, I was an unbeliever in the full sense of the word. But the Almighty was pleased to send me such a test that made a saving turning point in my moral illness. It happened like this. Upon leaving the regiment, I settled in our district town, where, having married my real wife, I lived calmly and happily; fate sent me the best of women, and the only dark spot on our family horizon was my unbelief, and my wife, a true Christian, was extremely saddened by my spiritual error. Often, in moments of my blasphemous antics, she retired from the rooms to the bedroom and in front of the icon of the Mother of God with tears begged Her to bring her errant husband to reason. Several years passed like this. We already had two children - these same good fellows you just saw - when the prayer of my meek friend reached heaven. On the third day of Christmas, we were at a party with her, and the last one was already in full swing, when suddenly we heard shouts: “Fire, we’re burning!” We all poured out into the yard, but the alarm was in vain: nevertheless, from fear and cold - my wife was in only a light dress - she felt unwell, and I hurried home with her; At night she became feverish and delirious, but by morning she calmed down a little and fell asleep. The next day I went away on my own business, and when I returned home - imagine the severity of my grief - my wife was no longer there! Yes! Death mercilessly tore the thread of this precious life for me... There could be no doubt about that; the arriving doctor confirmed the fact, and besides, the mark of death that lay on the wax brow of the deceased clearly testified to my loss. I will not bore you here with a description of everything that followed, but I will only say that from the moment the deceased was laid in the hall, I fell into boundless despair; The consolation of holy prayer was unavailable to me, nothing could change what had happened, and I decided to commit suicide. Retiring to my office, I spent the whole night before the New Year holiday putting my property affairs in order, and in a letter to one of our relatives I entrusted the fate of my children to his care; Following this, I took a revolver out of my desk, and only one weak pull on the trigger separated me from eternity, when suddenly the following thought dawned on me: my decision is unchangeable, the whole question lies only in time... Why don’t I wait for one or another day, why not spend some more time with the dear ashes? and there... Here I lay down on the sofa and, tired by the troubles of the day and depressed by the fatal event, fell into a heavy, leaden sleep. And a whole swarm of dreams, sometimes inexpressibly sweet, sometimes terrifying, then filled my sorrowful heart: I dreamed that I was sailing with my late wife in a shuttle, which, like a nutshell, was tossed by the angry waves of the boundless expanse of water, we both trembled for our fate, and not in vain: a high shaft capsized the boat, separating us an angry element, and while I was plunging into the abyss, some wondrous force carried the image that was dear to me far away from me. Then I began to pray and suddenly heard the words: “Believe and you will be saved!” “I believe!” – I exclaimed and... woke up, awakened by the morning cold. I got up and went out into the hall; it was dark in it, and only the light of a wax candle, glowing in front of the old sexton, who was reading the Psalter over the deceased, fought with the glimmer of dawn that was beginning. I let the old man go to rest and walked up to the head of the corpse dear to me, full of thoughts, one more painful than the other... But then, in all its splendor, a ray of sunlight burst through the window and doused everything with its life-giving, caressing light: it seemed to me at that moment that my wife’s face had lost something of its deathly pallor and as if something similar to life flashed across her haggard features. Was this not a deception of feelings, a play on the imagination upset by grief? No! That was reality! Death gave back its victim, which was proven by the warmth that little by little enveloped this hitherto lifeless body. As soon as I was sure that my wife was alive, she was carefully transferred to the bedroom, where she came to her senses a few hours later... My joy knew no bounds. With the speed of lightning, the news of such an unheard of incident spread throughout the city, and our venerable father Vasily, who arrived at the memorial service, was very surprised when I asked him to serve a thanksgiving prayer instead... It can be assumed that the impulse that forced me to postpone suicide is easily explained by the thirst for life, which does not leave a person even in the most exceptional conditions; The imaginary death of my wife can easily be explained by the so-called lethargic sleep; but I see here only the finger of God! So this is what, my dear guest, New Year gave me 22 years ago! The providence of God, having sent me a beneficial dream, kept me from the grave sin of suicide; it returned to me my friend, who seemed to be already in the hands of death, and made me a believer.” You might be interested in: