Spiritual conversations of St. Joseph of Optina

Rev. Joseph of Optina (1837–1911) In all his views, actions and decisions, the Monk Joseph was so imbued with the spirit of his great teachers, the venerable and God-bearing elders Ambrose and Macarius, that he truly became, as it were, their reflection. The elder leadership of the Monk Joseph was distinguished by restraint, evenness of relations with everyone, and laconicism. His short answers and concise instructions were stronger and more effective than the most detailed and lengthy conversations. He could say so much in two or three words that everything immediately became clear and understandable. The most convincing arguments of pride and proud self-justification were immediately shattered by one of his phrases: “We must be patient.” With his love he humbled the most turbulent hearts; such heavenly silence always wafted from him that in his presence the most unyielding, proud and obstinate were completely changed. The Venerable Elder Ambrose sometimes used to say: “Here I give you wine and water, and Father Joseph will give you undiluted wine.” Indeed, Elder Joseph was all concentration, his speech was restrained and breathed only patristic teaching. There is no doubt that the elder had a special gift - the gift of a teaching, effectively strong and at the same time comforting word, the gift of a gracious influence on the internal state of the penitent. Spiritual conversations of St. Joseph of Optina All the elder’s instructions are imbued with the spirit of the patristic and elder teachings. Before monks, he placed obedience and self-reproach above all else, since both of these virtues give rise to humility, which instills God in the soul and gives what is said in the Gospel: the Kingdom of God is within you. The elder never allowed anyone to refuse obedience, saying that whoever carries out this obedience to the end will be honored with a blessed death. The elder often cited the example of one hieromonk who never refused anything and, being unwell, did not refuse his turn of priestly service, and during the liturgy, having just received communion, he suddenly died right there in the altar in all his vestments. When they brought him complaints about the difficulty of obedience and the sorrows associated with it, the elder’s face lit up with joy, tender fatherly love shone in his eyes, and he somehow said with particular animation: “Well? For this you will be martyrs.” At the same time, he always tried to instill in him that every person should have patience in everything, in every place, to the end. “Whatever you take up,” he said, “hold on to it, and endure everything that comes your way: just don’t leave the place and always reproach yourself - and you will be saved.” Once, one person conveyed to the elder a conversation she had heard, that the previous elders did not particularly force their disciples to perform physical feats, but demanded more of an inner monk. Father said to this: “Tell them: if you don’t grow a tree, where can you expect fruit? The tree on which the inner monk grows is fasting, all abstinence, going to church services, physical labor, then the fruit will grow on it, that is, the inner monk.” At the general blessing, someone remembered that paramedic who, after the death that had happened to him, during which he saw many instructive things in the next world, entered the Optina monastery under Father Ambrose, but then, when he left to serve his military service, he again became friends with his unbelieving comrades, and they, convincing him that he had a simple hallucination, knocked him down, and he remained in peace at the hospital. Father said to this: “The words of the Gospel were fulfilled over him: “If they do not listen to Moses and the prophets, then even if someone rises from the dead, they do not have faith.” Once they asked the priest about a certain clergyman, why is he not an educated person, but his letters breathe such spiritual intelligence that they penetrate the soul? The priest answered: “Just as a ray of sunlight cannot penetrate a fog, so the speeches of a person who is only educated, but who has not conquered passions, cannot act on the soul. And whoever himself has overcome passions and acquired spiritual intelligence, even without external education, has access to everyone’s heart.” One told the priest: “You give me a rule, but I’m afraid it will be difficult for me.” The elder replied: “What is imposed is always difficult,” and at the same time told about Archimandrite Isaac, who, while still living in the world, prepared for monasticism and practiced asceticism. So he made a thousand bows every day. Upon entering the monastery, he told Elder Leo about this, and instead of a thousand, he assigned him fifty bows. After some time, he comes to the elder and says: “Forgive me, father, I’m ashamed to admit, but for some reason I can’t make fifty bows.” The elder told him to put in twenty-five. A little more time passed when he again appeared to the elder and said that he could not understand why in the world he made a thousand bows, but here he cannot even twenty-five? Then Elder Leo explained to him: “In the world, the enemy helped you - you contributed and were proud of it; but here you don’t put it out of your own free will, but out of obedience, you see your weakness and humble yourself, that’s why it’s difficult.” Someone said: “It would be better if I ate 1.2 pounds of meat in the world during Lent than I eat bread here.” The elder said: “If you eat even 2 pounds of bread, you still do not sin against the statutes of the Holy Church.” One day they asked him in general: “Father, will we be with you in the next world, will you help us and will you generally be responsible for us?” “Yes,” answered the elder, “but only those will be with me and only I will be responsible for those who listened to me unquestioningly in everything.” One said: “Father, I grieve that I have no money and have to earn everything, but meanwhile I still want this or that.” The elder said to this: “Seek first the Kingdom of God, and everything else will be added to you. The former monks acted with this arrangement, and the Lord supplied them with everything they needed, and even beyond that. In our skete, when I entered, no one had their own samovars, but the warden had one large samovar for the entire skete, and after the service the brethren took turns drinking tea there, and everyone was satisfied and happy. It was the same with all other needs; They tried to fulfill more church services and their obediences, and for this the Lord did everything, they did not need anything. But now they enter the monastery with weak will and only think about clothes and food, which is why the Lord does not send it to us sinners.” The elder gave the following instruction to one nun: “If the actions and sins of your neighbor outrage you and steal your peace of mind, then remember this: a) The mistake of your neighbor, which you would like to correct, if it disturbs your peace of mind and irritates you, then you also sin and, therefore, you will not correct the mistake by an error - it is corrected by meekness. b) Jealousy, which wants to destroy all evil, is itself a great evil. c) Remember that there is a beam in your eye, and you are pointing to your brother’s speck. d) There are inevitable imperfections, and there are also useful ones. It happens that good is tempted by evil. e) The example of God's long-suffering should curb our impatience, which deprives us of peace. f) The example of the Lord Jesus Christ shows us with what meekness and patience we must endure human errors, and if we do not rule over people, then we must look indifferently at evil. g) To everyone that act of his neighbor seems great, which exposes him to something. h) Nothing calms us down and reconciles us with the actions of our neighbors like silence, prayer and love. Someone, speaking about one of his relatives who committed suicide, began to prove that God could forgive him. “It’s not our business to argue about this: the Lord can forgive, but our business is to do what the law commands. As judges, they must, by law, sentence criminals to death, but the king can pardon them. One (Saint Basil the Great) prayed for King Trajan, and a voice came to him: “Do not dare to pray for such.” One day, going out for a blessing, the elder was talking about confessing sins and among other things said: “If you cannot say your sins, then it is better to write them. And he told how one woman wrote her sins and gave them to the bishop (Basily the Great), asking for permission, but he sent her to the Monk Ephraim the Syrian. The monk resolved all sins, except one, with which he sent her again to the saint. Arriving in the city, the woman learned that the archbishop had died, and in terrible grief and tears she fell to his coffin and put down the paper on which the sins were written, and she herself fell, shedding tears. Then everyone began to ask her, and she told her grief. At this time, one priest took the paper from the coffin and unfolded it - it turned out to be completely clean - all the sins had been blotted out.” The elder said: “A person’s conscience is like an alarm clock. If the alarm clock rings and, knowing that you need to go to obedience, you get up right away, then you will always hear it afterwards; and if you don’t get up immediately for several days in a row, saying: I’ll lie down a little longer and in the end you won’t wake up from its ringing.” He also said: “Contradiction acts most powerfully in a person. At will, a person sometimes does something more difficult, but if you tell him something easy to do, he will immediately become upset. But you have to obey, although it doesn’t seem that way. Five disciples came to the monastery to ask one old man. He sent them to plant cabbage with the roots up and the leaves in the ground. Two began to plant as he ordered, but three said: is this really the way to plant, and they began to plant in their own way. The elder came to see what they were doing, and those who imprisoned him, he took them into the monastery, but he did not accept them.” One day, while walking through the forest, they told the elder that there were hermits in the N-monastery. The priest replied: “This is a dangerous path - passions grow in solitude, but it is more useful among the people. Where they walk (on the road), grass doesn’t grow, and where they don’t walk, it’s thick. They even go into solitude out of impatience. And it is useful for us when we are pushed. The tree that is swayed more by the wind is strengthened by its roots, but the one that is in silence immediately falls.” One nun from this monastery said: “Father, bless us with an eternal house to stock up on in advance.” - “Be patient! It is said: in your patience save your souls. Without patience, a temporary house cannot be built, much less an eternal one. Patience produces consolation, and such consolation is true. And we are all looking for something easier. What is easy for the body is not good for the soul, and what is good for the soul is hard for the body - so we must work hard to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” One day, while walking with an old man in the forest, they said to him: “If only you could live, father.” The elder said to this: “We’ll wait: until a new weapon is prepared, the Lord does not take away the old one.” But then his face suddenly became serious, and after a pause he added: “We just have to try to live well ourselves, otherwise for our disobedience the Lord takes the elders and leaves no one.” They told the elder: behold, the harvest is failing again. “Yes,” he said, “everything is not enough, only there are many sins. The Lord sends a crop failure because now they have completely stopped observing fasts, even among the common people; So you have to fast involuntarily.” He also said: “At the present time, frequent suicides occur, in addition to unbelief, also from impatience - they do not want to endure anything - and if the Lord had not put in a person a natural desire to live, then almost everyone would kill themselves. Saint Basil the Great writes about one pagan philosopher who said: “Before I wanted everything to be done my way, but seeing that nothing was being done the way I wanted, I began to want everything to be done the way it was done, and through this it began to happen that everything began to be done the way I wanted.” “Here,” the elder added, “the pagan actually reached this truth, that one must inevitably endure what happens. And the saints all asked God for patience, which means they needed it too.” One day the elder was told that he himself would reveal hidden sins that he did not want to express. He replied: “No, it shouldn’t; it is necessary for everyone to speak out and repent himself, otherwise it will be of no benefit to him; and for forgotten and unspoken sins one must endure whatever is found. And Father Ambrose never did this, only in very rare and especially important cases, when he saw that a person could die without repentance.” Someone complained that everyone was sick. The elder said: “There is nothing to do; Apparently, the Lord wants to save us and cleanses us from the filth of sin. Although it is not easy to endure cauterization, for the sake of mental health one must endure everything. If we live incorrectly, then we will have a contrite and repentant heart about this, and the Lord will look at this and will not forsake His mercy.” “Sorrow is our way; We will go until we reach our assigned fatherland - eternity. There are more sorrows in the world, but although we have them, they are not like them, and those are for God’s sake; The only grief is that we care little about eternity and do not tolerate even the slightest reproach in a word. We ourselves increase our sorrows when we begin to grumble. In everything we need patience and generosity, like an anchor for a ship so that during a storm it does not break on a rock.” “How is complete dispassion acquired?” - they asked the old man. “With complete humility,” he replied. They asked the elder what the words of the apostle mean: the day that philosophizes, the Lord philosophizes, and the Lord does not philosophize, and it turns out that it is the same to fulfill and not to fulfill. “No,” the elder answered, “the holy apostle said this so that we would not judge anyone, because no one knows what lies inside a person. The Apostle goes on to add: let the poisonous man not reproach the one who does not eat, and the non-poisonous one do not condemn the one who eats. One apparently does everything, but perhaps does it coldly or is arrogant, while the other does nothing, but reproaches himself, repents, humbles himself and thanks God for everything.” They told the priest about one lady who died without a farewell message, because in her parish there was a priest about whom she knew a lot of bad things and did not want to join him. The elder took pity on the deceased and said that she should not be embarrassed by the life of the priest, since his hand only acts, and the sacrament is performed by grace. At the same time, he told how one reverend, having fallen ill to death, wished to receive the Holy Mysteries. The nearest priest who needed to be called was of a very vicious life and seemed completely unworthy to bear the priesthood. The monk was somewhat embarrassed, but then, having overcome this thought, he called on him. During communion, the Lord vouchsafed him such a vision: he saw that the Angels had communed with him. One priest wrote to an elder that a girl who died in his parish appeared to her friend, adding that the latter was still very young, pure and innocent. The elder answered him that Blessed Diadochos advises not to trust even true phenomena of grace. The Lord will not punish you for this, seeing that people do this not out of contempt for God, but in order not to succumb to the enemy’s deception. One Kiev-Pechersk ascetic saw an angel praying in his cell and reasoned: if he were from the evil one, he would not pray. Then this imaginary angel began to give him the following advice: now don’t pray yourself, because from now on I will pray for you. The ascetic obeyed and fell into delusion, from which he was barely delivered by the prayers of the reverend fathers. On this basis, the maiden A-iya can say to the one who appears: even though you are praying, I still cannot believe you and I ask you, do not appear to me, for I am a great sinner and unworthy of grace-filled phenomena. And let her pray more earnestly to God, so that the Lord will deliver her from these phenomena, for there is a great danger in them. I’ll also add: doesn’t A-ya have at least a subtle opinion about herself that she lives regularly? If she has, then this is the reason why the enemy approaches her with temptation. All the great saints considered themselves the most sinful and most damned of all people, and only through such humility did they become pleasing to God. And the fact that the deceased appears in heavenly clothes and bright is a trifle. The elder wrote to the same priest: “You write that some of you are engaged in healing from snake bites, using prayers for this. You should look at these prayers. And then there are prayers that are either meaningless or even laced with blasphemy. Such prayers only please the demons, from whom, perhaps, some help comes. One must pray the prayers accepted for use by the Holy Church, and, moreover, read them more appropriately for the priests of God, and not for the common people.” “Ask for guidance on how to get rid of absent-mindedness during prayer. It is impossible for us, sinful people, not to be completely distracted in prayer. But still, one should try, if possible, to collect one’s mind, enclosing it in the words of prayer, that is, to delve into every word of prayer. One should not be embarrassed by coldness and petrification, but continue to force oneself to prayer, recognizing oneself as unworthy of consolation and tenderness. If a prayer is cold, then one should not conclude from this that it is displeasing to God, and sometimes even such a prayer is imputed to a person as a feat, if only the person humbles himself and reproaches himself in every possible way before God.” Teaching others patience, humility, kindness and everything necessary for a Christian disposition of the soul, Elder Joseph himself was the first to set an example in the fulfillment of all these virtues. He endured all kinds of sorrows and troubles with such complacency and calmness that strangers had no idea what trials he had. It happened that he was indignantly pointed out to him some actions of others that were clearly harmful or causing embarrassment. Even in such cases, the elder meekly said: “What should we do? we must be patient; There will be no harm to us from this, but great benefit if we endure it with humility.” He often said: “There is also jealousy that is not according to reason; or: “You don’t know what kind of spirit you are.” He was never angry with those who insulted him and did not even seem to notice anything bad at all. When he had to repent in confession of condemning people who treated him unkindly, the elder usually said: “There is no need to condemn; after all, it’s not them, but the enemy who outrages them, and we need to pray for them.” He was so imbued with humility and so strong in spirit. He accepted both honor and dishonor with equal calm and treated praise with the same deep humility. When they conveyed someone’s praise to him or expressed their pleasure regarding any of his exaltation, he always answered: Let this be understood in you, even in Christ Jesus. Once they told him: “Here you are, father, always evading honor, but it itself follows you.” The elder answered this seriously, taking a deep breath: “What’s this for? What is this for?.. However,” he added, “just as one should not seek honor, so those living in society should not refuse it for the benefit of others. The honor imposed is also from God.” As was said above, the inner spiritual life of the elder was hidden to everyone. The only thing known for certain is that he was engaged in internal prayer, or so-called “smart work.” His closest cell attendant, whom the elder was not shy about, said that when he entered the elder’s cell on some business, he often found him saying the Jesus Prayer. The priest, lying on the bed, with great reverence and contrition of heart, half-whispered the words of the prayer, placing special emphasis on the words: Lord, Jesus Christ... and in order to avoid self-deception, he used olive pits to mark the number of rosaries completed, for which purpose he always had a box with these pits on the table near the bed. This prayer was especially touching and touching after communion of the Holy Mysteries, when the grace-filled elder was completely immersed in prayerful contemplation and, due to the strong movement of prayer, could not even restrain it inside and loudly called on the name of God. One day they asked him how and how long ago he received the gift of prayer? Father, with his characteristic simplicity, answered: “Prayer itself teaches. It is said: give a prayer to the one praying, and whoever is disposed towards it will hear one word about it and already hold on to it; and I read the “Philokalia” and... the elder did not finish further, since the rest was clear. Father, as he himself was a constant prayer book, also encouraged others to engage in the Jesus Prayer, and in his instructions he spoke especially well about prayer as the most necessary thing for every person. If he saw in anyone a special disposition towards her, then he tried to develop and maintain in him the spark of this desire with his experienced and wise advice, according to the patristic writings on this subject, set out in the Philokalia. The elder resolutely and strictly protected the impatient and inexperienced, not allowing them to touch the high levels of prayer, teaching them to walk this path gradually, starting with the Jesus Prayer, pronounced orally and certainly on the rosary in a certain quantity. “This protects against arrogance,” said the elder, “sometimes, without keeping count, one might think that, due to the number of prayers, he said a lot; and if you count by the rosary, it turns out that you haven’t even passed one hundred.” “Even if you do not fully achieve the fruits and perfection of prayer, then it is good if you die on the way to it. Don’t look for high things (that is, consolation and spiritual insights); it comes when God pleases.” Having himself been seasoned in patience, the elder led others along the same path. - In your patience gain your souls; and, having endured to the end, he will be saved - these were his, as well as Elder Ambrose’s, favorite words. “Consolations, even spiritual ones, do more harm than good for the inexperienced,” he said, “from them the soul imperceptibly ascends and, having become accustomed to them, weakens, and therefore, in the sorrows that occur, it becomes faint-hearted and falls. Patience is the mother of consolation - that’s what the holy fathers say.” To the question: what should be the true intention when praying? - The elder replied: “Salvation; to ask for mercy, not consolation; and not to pray out of vanity, but to endure with thanksgiving whatever sorrow comes our way. And if we receive any consolation in prayer, then we should consider ourselves even more guilty and a debtor for what we received for nothing.” “Some say that in church, when praying with counting, you cannot listen carefully to what is being read and sung,” said the elder, “no, that means it is possible when you have enough time for different thoughts. Of course, even in ancient times, the reverend fathers prayed by counting; That’s why they invented the rosary.” As an example of the usefulness of such an exercise, the elder pointed to the skete novice L. 1 “He complained to me,” Father Joseph told me, “that he was bored standing in church for a long time and therefore he always wanted to quietly sing along with the choir people. Then I told him to say the Jesus Prayer with the rosary instead. He began to perform this and said that it became easy for him to stand in church and not get bored, and the time of worship seemed short. And so, even during his illness, he said the Jesus Prayer, and still wanted to be alone; And so he died with prayer.” In general, with his strong words and living example, he aroused, raised the spirit and proved with his own eyes that, both in ancient times and now, exercise in prayer is possible and even necessary for everyone; that everything works out through prayer, even prayer itself, and therefore you should never give up on it. His great humility and unceasing heartfelt prayer instilled in him the Lord Himself, and the blessed elder was above all earthly things. That this “schemnik” was really like the fiery Seraphim is evidenced by the following story of the venerable priest Father P. Levashov, known to the Optina and Shamordino monasteries. “In 1907, I visited Optina Pustyn for the first time somehow by accident, because I had not prepared for this. I had heard something about the elders before, but I had never seen them. When I arrived at the monastery, I first of all went to bed, since I had spent a sleepless night in the carriage. The vespers bell woke me up. The pilgrims went to the church for worship, but I hurried to the monastery to have the opportunity to talk when there were least visitors. After asking the way to the monastery, and there the cell of Elder Joseph, I finally came to the reception room of the hut. The reception room is a small room with very modest furnishings. The walls are decorated with portraits of various devotees of piety and sayings of the holy fathers. When I arrived, there was only one visitor, an official from St. Petersburg. Soon the elder’s cell attendant came and invited the official to the priest, telling me: “He has been waiting for a long time.” The official stayed for about three minutes and returned; I saw: shreds of extraordinary light flew off his head, and he, excited, with tears in his eyes, told me that on that day in the morning the miraculous image of the Kaluga Mother of God was taken out of the monastery, the priest came out of the hut and prayed; then he and others saw rays of light that diverged in all directions from him praying. A few minutes later they called me to the elder. I entered his wretched cell, semi-gloomy, with poor, only wooden furnishings. At this time I saw a very old man, exhausted from continuous feat and fasting, barely rising from his bed. He was sick at the time. We said hello; a moment later I saw an extraordinary light around his head, a quarter and a half high, as well as a wide beam of light falling on him from above, as if the ceiling of the cell had moved apart. A ray of light fell from the sky and was exactly the same as the light around the head, the old man’s face became gracious, and he smiled. I did not expect anything like this, and therefore I was so amazed that I completely forgot all the questions that were crowding in my head, and to which I so desired to receive an answer from an elder experienced in spiritual life. He, in his deepest Christian humility and meekness - these are the distinctive qualities of an elder - stands and patiently waits for me to say; I am amazed and cannot tear myself away from this vision, which is completely incomprehensible to me. Finally, I barely realized that I wanted to confess to him and began by saying: “Father! I am a great sinner." Before I had time to say this, at one moment his face became serious, and the light that poured onto him and surrounded his head disappeared. Before me again stood the ordinary old man whom I saw at the first moment when I entered the cell. This did not last long. Again the light shone around the head and again the same beam of light appeared, but now several times brighter and stronger. He refused to confess to me due to his illness. I asked his advice about opening a Trusteeship in my parish and asked for his holy prayers. I could not tear myself away from such a wonderful vision and said goodbye to the priest ten times and kept looking at his gracious face, illuminated by an angelic smile and this unearthly light with which I left him. After another three years, I went to Optina Pustyn, visited Father Joseph many times, but I never saw him like this again. The light that I saw above the old man has no resemblance to any of the earthly lights, such as solar, phosphoric, electric, lunar, etc.; otherwise, I have never seen anything like it in visible nature. I explain this vision to myself by saying that the elder was in a strong prayerful mood and the Grace of God apparently descended on his chosen one. But why I was honored to see such a phenomenon, I cannot explain, knowing only my sins, and I can only boast about my weaknesses. Perhaps the Lord was calling me, a sinner, to the path of repentance and correction, apparently showing what kind of grace God’s chosen ones can achieve even in this earthly vale of tears and sorrows. My story is true because after this vision I felt incredibly joyful, with strong religious inspiration, although before going to the elder I did not have such a feeling. Four years have already passed since then, but even now, with just the memory of this, I experience tenderness and delight. My story - “there will be temptation for the Jews, madness for the Greeks”, for those of little faith, hesitating and doubting the faith - is a fiction, a fantasy, and at best will be explained as a hallucination. In our time of unbelief, unbelief and religious collapse, such legends only cause a smile, and sometimes even anger. So what? Should we, the servants of truth, remain silent? Let us not! The ever-memorable Elder Joseph is truly a burning and shining lamp - but the lamp is not placed under a concealment, but on the candlestick, so that it shines on everyone who is in the true Church of Christ. I ask all Christian believers to pray for him, so that he too will pray for us before the Throne of God. I convey all of the above as the pure truth, there is not even a shadow of exaggeration or fiction here, which I testify in the name of God and my priestly conscience.” Let us cite, as an example of the spiritual relationship of a true disciple to an elder, the following excerpt from the diary of one attentive monk. “Lord, bless me, for the benefit of my soul, to write down the words of my elder, Father Joseph, for his holy prayers. Once the priest told me: pay attention to yourself, and it will be done for you. He also said to reproach yourself more often, to be patient in everything and to thank God for everything you find. At the same time, the elder told me the following for edification: “One day a holy father heard a beggar reproaching himself. It was winter time, and he was lying half naked on a pile of manure, barely covered with matting, and shaking from the cold. Meanwhile, he said to himself: Don’t you want to endure this, damned one! The holy martyrs endured something else - they spent the winter naked in prison, their feet were stuffed in stocks; and you’ve got your legs stretched out like that, and even covered in matting. This story brought great benefit to my soul. “Father,” I said, “I am very overcome by laziness and I know that it is not good, but I am overcome again.” The elder said: the Gospel says that women in need delight the Kingdom of God, and therefore you need to force yourself in everything, and passions should be cut off first, while they are young, for then they are like little barking puppies - if you scare them, they will run away from you. And if you let them strengthen and let them in, then they will rise up against you like lions, and you will not be able to fight them. I asked: what more, father, should one force oneself to do, or should one abstain? Elder. In sleep, in food, in drinking, in conversation; and especially in church there is no need to talk. - Father, sometimes there is such jealousy for everything good, and sometimes there is such negligence and laziness, there is no desire for anything, you sleep and eat without measure, you don’t want to pray, you abandon your cell rule - what should you do in such cases? – This is where you need to force yourself to do all the good things and to pray; it will depend on you when, during times of negligence and laziness, you force yourself to pray; and when there is zeal for everything good, then this is from God. “Father, where should I start, so that I can concentrate at least a little in myself, or should I not go anywhere except for the most necessary cases?” Elder. Start with this: sit in your cell, and the cell will teach you everything - just be patient, your thoughts will confuse you to go out - don’t give in. After all, all the saints walked this way. Read from Theodore the Studite how he orders you not to stop and talk when you leave the church; Yes, and the charter says so. Otherwise we have already distorted the order of monastic life; Everything has gone topsy-turvy for us. Father also said that Elder Leo wrote to one spiritual daughter: “Here are three weapons for you in spiritual warfare: humility, patience, self-reproach—with these you will win.” Another question for me: is it possible to give something to someone? The elder said: “It’s possible if you have something extra, but not something from the monastery, for which you have not been given a blessing.” Is it possible to take something from someone if they give it? Elder. You can accept - this is also a sign of humility, as Abba Dorotheos says; but if you don’t have a need, then, of course, it’s better not to take it. - Father, a thought has been telling me for a long time: do not have anything, as the holy fathers teach. The elder said to this: have what you need and need, but do not collect unnecessary things; But if you don’t have it and you grieve, what’s the point? - Better stay in the middle. You can have, but not be attached to anything, and be like someone who has nothing; This is the dispensation the saints had. – The Jesus Prayer, father, doesn’t work well for me. It seems like a simple thing that could be done everywhere and always, but no, it’s forgotten. Elder. Yes, it seems like a simple thing, but it is uncontrollable; I said it several times and forgot, I remembered, I said it a dozen more times, and again I got distracted. You say one hundred a day, but you imagine that you are going through prayer. Therefore, at first you must definitely go through the counting numbers until you get the hang of it. After confession, I said to my dear spiritual father and elder: - Father! how I would always like to be correct in my rank, in fulfilling my monastic vows, and in general before the Lord in all my deeds and actions. Sometimes the heart seems to be burning with love for God and is ready to fulfill His will, but as soon as you decide to take up an attentive life, the enemy immediately robs me; My soul grieves over such negligence - when will I begin to live properly, but time passes. Elder. Yes, what should I do? We are always faulty before God; you need to pray about it. You know how it is written by St. Macarius the Great: “We must cry out to God without shame, so that He will have mercy and Himself help us, because we cannot do anything good with our own strength and ourselves. And if we pray often, pester God, cry out shamelessly in great humility, then the Lord will help.” I haven't been to my father's for a long time. My dear old man was ill and had not seen anyone for about a month. Our dear father has lost a lot of weight, more wrinkles have appeared, but his image has become even more attractive, a real reverend. Having received the blessing, expressing my grief over his illness, I asked about a question that had been tormenting me for a long time, and, having received a deep, spiritual answer to everything, I was gradually consoled by the priest, and asked him not to leave me with his spiritual guidance. God bless! Father still received me and again I, a sinner, received consolation and reinforcement for my sad and ever-weak soul. The gracious elder also confirmed to me regarding prayer. He also never ordered that Pentecost be abandoned. “If you didn’t have to perform it with bows, then you can do it without bows,” said the elder. – If you are unwell or tired, you can walk through it while sitting; but, of course, if you are healthy, then you must perform it standing and bowing.” - Father! With your holy prayers, thank God, I’m getting a little used to prayer, external of course. The elder said: “This is good. Nothing external; If the cell rule is not strictly followed, there will be a desire to practice the Jesus Prayer in addition to the rules.” Then the priest told me something very important and useful from the writings of one holy father; but the enemy stole from my memory, and I forgot what was said. It’s amazing how the priest can immediately find the right thing to say. From this it is clear that he is a true mentor and is himself a doer of monasticism. I am happy, poor thing, that I have such an experienced father in spiritual life, an unforgettable, true leader, whom I love with true, filial love. Father also told me that the Jesus Prayer must be said separately, rarely; and when thoughts come, it is usually the devil who instills them in order to distract attention from prayer. But this is where you need to go deeper and more diligently into prayer, and your thoughts, that is, the devil himself, burned by the terrible name of Jesus, flees. Then the elder surprised me extremely: I just wanted to express something to him, and he, responding to my thought, said: “And sometimes the enemy holds you by the heart, irritates you with hatred of someone and condemnation.” And this is exactly what I wanted to say, for I had one person’s tribulation; and the priest anticipated me. Lord, save me, through the prayers of my father, from delusion and deception and unwise jealousy. However, my memory is bad! I hear a lot from my dear and beloved elder, but I don’t remember everything unless I write it down, but all his words are the spiritual bread of my soul, gold! Once the priest told me: “There are many who cry, but not about what is needed; there are many who mourn, but not about sins; There are many who seem to be humble, but are not truly. To succeed in the Jesus Prayer, you must behave humbly in everything: in your gaze, in your gait, in your clothes.” The elder said that the Jesus Prayer brings great benefit to those who do it; and you definitely need to get used to creating it. She will comfort you, especially during illness. If someone is accustomed to creating it always, then he will create it even in illness; and he will not be so bored; prayer will serve as a consolation for him. And if a person, being healthy, does not practice prayer, then when he gets sick, he will not be able to pray, as if he does not have the skill, and it will be difficult for him. And therefore, while you are healthy, you need to learn and get used to prayer, and do it often; although not purely, you will still humbly say: Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner! But a contrite and humble heart, it is said, God will not despise. And his breath was still comforted by the elder saint. About moving to another monastery, the elder said that one should not move without special need; you will not find peace in your soul. How many temptations, hatred and malice there will be! Someone will seem like a friend to you, but he has a knife in his heart against you. One should not cross over of one's own free will; you will not be at peace, and no comforts of life will console you. It’s another matter if they transfer you somewhere for obedience. So I always left the elder calmed and consoled, for I accepted his words as from the mouth of God. God! help me to follow all the advice of my beloved elder, and direct my paths..." A rich, educated young man who entered the monastery and died a blessed death two years later. You might be interested in: