183. Молитва с самопонуждением – в нашей воле, а молитва с умилением – от Бога. Нельзя прекращать даже рассеянную молитву. Скрывай слезы от людей. За одно осуждение ближних душа может погибнуть

Most venerable Mother of the Treasurer Magdalene in the Lord! I received your letter dated July 11th. You write that because of laziness and fatigue you sometimes do not fulfill the prayer rule, so you fall asleep and wake up. – You must distinguish laziness from tiredness. If you are tired and fall asleep from powerlessness, then reproach yourself more before God, and repent, and humble yourself. If you are not tired, but simply don’t want to pray, then this is laziness; you should force yourself to pray, even if it is absent-minded. To pray with self-compulsion is in our will, but to pray with tenderness depends on God. We must pray the prayer that we can, and for self-compulsion God will give tenderness in due time, when it pleases Him. You also write that during prayer, some words are especially touching and you repeat these words several times, and then pray with your own prayers or words. – This method of prayer is not denied, but on the contrary, the recluse Bishop Theophan encourages such prayer. Or you just cry without reading anything. Still, you should cry, even with the thought that you have angered the Lord immeasurably with your sins and you are afraid of terrible punishment. Sometimes you get distracted during the Jesus Prayer. – It’s hard to never get distracted. This is characteristic only of the perfect, and you and I are sinful people. You say prayer on your tongue, but God knows what’s on your mind, and so you think about whether to leave prayer in this case. - No, don't leave it. It is better to eat dry bread than to remain without bread at all. Hide your tears from people as much as you can. According to the remark of the late Father Fr. Ambrose to a nun, you can sometimes tell someone that you have tears from weak nerves. It is impossible for vain thoughts, like other bad thoughts, to not come. But you just have to fight them and, with the help of God, drive them away. So you do, and continue to do so. To have feelings and not have tears, I can’t teach you that. I feel sorry for your cell. Pray for her more diligently, so that the Lord Himself will guide her on the path of goodness and truth. And when he passes on gossip to you, notice each time: “Do you remember, you promised not to tell me gossip? After all, for just condemning our neighbors, our souls can perish.” Let your comments make her a little sick. It’s not a problem, it’s good for her soul. I will write to Lydia separately. Asking for peace and God's blessing for you and your loved ones, I remain with sincere goodwill. P.S. I received your previous letter from June. I am writing to you in Yaroslavl. Against thoughts of condemnation it is good to pray the prayer of St. Ephraim the Syrian: “Hey, Lord the King, grant me to see my sins and not condemn my brother” or my sister, and so on. You might be interested in: