172. Старцы в дни бдений отменяли келейное правило. Внимательно молиться свойственно только Ангелам. Если плачешь в церкви, то старайся, чтобы это было незаметно для других. Если в душе на всех кипит зло, это признак самолюбия и тщеславия

Venerable Mother of the Treasurer Magdalene in the Lord! I received your letter dated May 13th. You write that three vigils happened in a row, and at that time you performed the cell rule and were very tired. - It’s a natural thing. But our late elders on vigil days, due to the difficulty of service, abolished the cell rule. You can do the same. You complain about being absent-minded and that you cannot always pray attentively. – Yes, no one living on earth can always pray attentively. This, according to St. John Climacus, characteristic only of Angels. Sometimes you cry in church. - Well, what to do when tears flow on their own? Try somehow so that it is not very noticeable to others. And sometimes, on occasion, you can tell someone that your nerves are weak. You are burdened by the treasury position, finding yourself incapable. - But Mother Superior doesn’t exact anything from you. Therefore, you should not be embarrassed, and you should not think about the fact that you are incapable. God will enlighten you and help you in your affairs if you turn to Him in prayer. You should not leave the monastery in order to return to it again after the election of treasurers. These are enemy thoughts. You are embarrassed, and anger boils in your soul towards everyone. - This is from pride and vanity. Try to always consider yourself before the Lord worse and more sinful than anyone in the world and pray at this time: “Lord, have mercy on us sinners,” meaning both yourself and those with whom you are angry. Peace to you and God's blessing You might be interested in: