МУЖ

Try to fulfill your duties towards your husband with all prudence. And to your husband, when I exhort him to love and respect you, I do not allow him to point to the commandment given to his wife, but I demand from him to fulfill what is prescribed to him. Therefore, try to fulfill your duties and show submission to your husband. If you want to obey your husband for God, then do not present to me his duties, but carefully fulfill those that the Lawgiver has assigned to you. This is what obedience to God especially consists of, so as not to break the law, even if you yourself tolerate the opposite. He who loves the one who loves him does nothing important; and whoever loves someone who hates him is especially worthy of crowns. So think about it: if you put up with a cruel husband, you will receive a bright crown; and if you are quiet and meek, then why will God reward you? I say this not to give husbands a reason for cruelty, but to convince the wife to put up with cruel husbands. When everyone tries to fulfill his duties, then his neighbor will not be slow to do the same. So, when a wife is ready to put up with an angry husband, then the husband will not insult the angry wife, then in everything they will have peace and a pier, not disturbed by the waves. This is how it was with the ancients: everyone did his own thing, without pointing out the duties of his neighbor. Look: Abraham took his nephew with him, and his wife did not reproach him for this. He told her to go on a long journey, and she did not resist this, but obeyed. Then, after numerous disasters, efforts and labors, having become the master of all, he gave up the primacy to Lot, and Sarah not only was not upset by this, but did not even open her mouth and did not say anything that many wives say now, when they see that their husbands receive less than others in such divisions, especially those inferior to themselves, they blame them, call them stupid, and senseless, and cowards, and careless, and lazy. She didn’t say or think anything like that, but she was satisfied with everything he did. And even more: when great danger befell him [Lot] after he himself made a choice and left his uncle the worst part, and when the patriarch, having heard about this, armed all his household and with them alone went against the whole Persian army, she did not restrain him and did not say, for example, like this: where are you going, man, throwing yourself into the abyss, exposing yourself to such dangers, preparing to shed blood for the husband who offended you and stole your property? If you do not think about yourself, then have pity on me, who left my home, fatherland, friends and relatives, and followed you on such a journey, do not subject me to widowhood and the disasters associated with widowhood. She didn’t say anything like that, didn’t think anything, but endured everything in silence. Then, remaining barren, she does not grieve or cry, like other such wives, but he sheds tears - however, not before his wife, but before God. And, notice how everyone observes what is due: he does not despise Sarah for her barrenness and does not reproach her for this, and she, for her part, tries to find some consolation for him in childlessness through a slave. It was not prohibited then, as it is prohibited now; Nowadays, it is not permissible for wives to do such things to please their husbands, nor for husbands, with or without the knowledge of their wives, to enter into such relationships, even if they feel a thousand times more childlessness; otherwise they will be told: “Their worm does not die and the fire is not quenched” (Mark 9:44); Nowadays this is not allowed, but then it was not prohibited. That’s why his wife suggested it, and he obeyed, and did not do it for pleasure. And look, you will say, how he later expelled [the maid] at her own request. But with this I want to prove that just as he obeyed her in everything, so she obeyed him. Moreover, do not limit yourself to this, but when you say this, pay attention to the previous one, to the fact that the maid insulted her and began to be proud in front of her mistress; and what could be more regrettable than this for a free and honest wife? Therefore, wife, do not expect kindness from your husband and then show your own, there will be nothing important in this; and you, husband, do not expect good behavior from your wife, so that after that you yourself can be wise - this will no longer be a feat; but each, as I said, let him be the first to fulfill his duties. If strangers who strike on the right cheek must be offered the other, then all the more must they endure the cruelty of the husband. I’m not saying this so that the husband would beat his wife, no; this is extreme humiliation not for the one who is beaten, but for the one who beats; but if for some reason you, wife, were married to such a husband, then do not indulge in grief, imagining the reward and praise awaiting you for this in this life. And to you, husbands, I will say: no offense should force you to beat your wife. What am I saying - wife? It is not permissible for a noble husband to beat even a maidservant or lay hands on her. If it is very dishonorable for a husband to beat a slave, then it is even more dishonorable to lay his hand on a free one. This is also instilled by external [pagan] legislators who do not force a wife to live with her husband who beats her as unworthy of her cohabitation. It is truly, extremely unlawful to dishonor a life partner who has long shared your needs as a slave. Such a husband, if one can call him a husband and not a beast, in my opinion, is equal to a parricide and a matricide. If we are commanded to leave father and mother for a wife, not as an insult to them, but in fulfillment of the law of God, and for the parents themselves this is so desirable that, being abandoned, they rejoice and marry their children with great zeal, then is it not extreme madness to insult the one for whom God commanded to leave parents? And is it just madness? And dishonor, tell me, who can bear it? What word can describe this [disgrace], when screams and cries are heard through the streets, when neighbors and passers-by flock to the house of one who commits such a vile deed, crushing, like some kind of beast, everything inside? It would be better if the earth swallowed such a madman than for him to appear again in the marketplace. The wife, you say, is acting impudently? But remember that she is a wife, a weak vessel, and you are a husband. This is why you were placed over her as a boss and head, in order to endure the weakness of a subordinate. Try to make your reign glorious; and it will be glorious when you do not dishonor your subordinate. Just as a king himself is all the more worthy of respect, the more he elevates the honor of his superior, and when he humiliates and dishonors his dignity, then he greatly reduces his own glory, so you, by dishonoring the superior who is under you, greatly degrade the honor of your own authority. So, presenting all this, be prudent, and at the same time remember that evening on which the father, having called you, gave you his daughter, as if some kind of pledge, and, having separated her from everything, from her mother, from himself and from the house, entrusted all care of her to your right hand. Think that after God you received children from her, became a father, and therefore be meek towards her (12). You might be interested in: