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Many are now waging war in their homes: one encounters war from his wife, another is besieged by his son, another suffers trouble from his brother, another from a servant - and each is tormented, annoyed, fights, causes war and is struck by war; but no one thinks, reasoning within himself, that if he had not sowed sins, then thorns and thistles would not have grown in his house; if he had not planted sparks of sin, then his house would not have caught fire. And that domestic misfortunes are the fruits of sins and that God appoints his household as executors of punishment for a sinner, this is evidenced by the Divine Scripture, of which there is nothing more reliable. Is your wife waging war with you, greeting you at your entrance like a wild beast, sharpening her tongue like a sword? It is unfortunate, of course, that the helper became an adversary; However, examine yourself, whether in your youth you plotted something against some woman, and now the woman’s insult is avenged by the woman, and someone else’s wound is healed by your own wife. Although the actor herself does not know this, the doctor—God—knows. He acts on you with it like iron, and just as iron does not know what it does, but the doctor who performs healing with iron knows, so here, although the wife who strikes and the husband who is struck do not know the reason for the defeat, but God, as a doctor, knows what is useful. And that an evil wife is a scourge for sins, Divine Scripture testifies to this; it says that an evil wife will be given to a sinful husband (see Sir. ch. 25 and 26). It will be given to him like a bitter medicine that destroys sinful juices (2). A wife who is always with her legal husband will never be destroyed, will not suffer a fall, will not fall into adultery, but if she moves away from her husband, then at least she has lived among the Angels and is easily exposed to temptations. Where, in fact, do wives indulge in their dirty deeds, moving away from their legitimate husbands, if not at the tombs of martyrs, under the pretext of prayer, arranging meetings with marriage breakers and thereby insulting the very martyrs? And often they even swear in the name of the martyrs allegiance to their lawless deeds (3). When we talk to many and say: why don’t you live well, why don’t you lead a strict life? - then they answer: how can I, if I don’t leave my wife, if I don’t leave my children? Why? Is marriage an obstacle? Your wife was given to you as a helper, not as a destroyer. Didn't the prophet have a wife? And yet marriage was not an obstacle to the Spirit; he lived with his wife and was a prophet. Didn't Moses have a wife? And yet, he cut stones, and changed the air, and talked with God, and appeased divine wrath. Did Abraham not have a wife? And yet he became the father of nations and the Church; he had a son Isaac, who was also a reason for him to do good deeds. Did he not offer up his son, the fruit of marriage? Was he not both a father and a lover of God? Was the priest who sacrificed his own womb turned out to be a priest and a father? Did you not show in yourself a conquerable nature and conquering piety, a conquerable natural affection and conquering pious actions, a conquerable father and a crowned lover of God? Don't you see him completely, both loving his son and loving God? And did marriage hinder him? What about the mother of the Maccabees? Wasn't she a wife? Didn’t she add seven sons to the ranks of saints? Didn’t you see them as martyrs? Didn’t she stand there as unshakable as a mountain? Didn't she stand, enduring martyrdom with each of them and, like the mother of martyrs, didn't she endure martyrdom seven times? After all, when they were tortured, she herself took the blow. She accepted this not without pain, because she was a mother, and the torment of nature exerted its force; and yet she was not defeated. There was a sea and waves, and yet, just as a raging sea is tamed, so the disturbed nature was subdued by the fear of God. How did she oil them? How did you raise them? How did you imagine these churches to God, statues of gold or, better, the most precious gold? (4) Wives should be more wise than their husbands, since they are mostly tied to household activities. That is precisely why Jacob was meek, because he lived at home and was free from external worries; It is not without reason that Scripture noted about him as “living in tents” (Gen. 25:27). But in the house, you might say, there is a lot of anxiety. This is because you want it yourself and surround yourself with a lot of worries. The husband, going to market places and courts of justice, is obviously overwhelmed by external troubles, as if by certain waves; and the wife, sitting at home, as if in some kind of school of wisdom, and concentrating her thoughts within herself, has the opportunity to engage in prayer, reading, and other matters of philosophy. And just as those living in deserts have no one to disturb them, so a wife, being always at home, can constantly enjoy silence. If sometimes the need arises for her to go out, then even then there is no reason for her to worry. In fact, a woman sometimes needs to go out either in order to come here, or when she needs to wash her body in the bath; then she sits at home most of the time. Therefore, she herself can be wise, and, receiving an alarmed husband, console and calm him, dispel his unnecessary and heavy thoughts and, thus, let him go again without the troubles that he brought with him from the market, but with the good disposition that he acquired at home. Truly, a pious and reasonable wife can most likely educate her husband and tune his soul according to her desire. He will not listen to friends, teachers, or bosses the way he listens to his wife when she admonishes and gives advice. This admonition also gives him some pleasure, because he loves this adviser very much. And I could point to many stern and indomitable men who are softened in this way. The wife participates with her husband in the meal, and in the bed, and in the birth of children, and in open and secret affairs, in entrances and exits, and in very many other things; she is devoted to him in everything and is united with him as the body is united with the head. And if she is reasonable and prudent, then she will surpass all others and win in caring for her spouse. Therefore, I urge you: consider it a duty and give proper advice. Woman has great power for both virtue and vice. She destroyed Absalom; she is Amnon; she intended - Job; but she also delivered Nabal from death; she saved an entire people. Thus, Devorah and Judith showed the valor of military leaders. So are many other wives. That’s why Paul says: “How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband?” (1 Cor. 7:16). And we know that in those days Persida, Mariam and Priscilla took upon themselves the apostolic deeds. You should zealously imitate these wives, and instruct your spouse not only in words, but also in deeds. How can we teach him by doing? When he sees that you are not malicious, not wasteful, do not like jewelry, do not demand excessive monetary income, but are content with what you have: in this case, he will certainly listen to your advice. If you philosophize in words, but in reality begin to do the opposite, he will accuse you of great idle talk. And when, along with words, you present to him instruction with deeds, then he will praise you and listen more quickly. This will happen, for example, when you do not seek gold, pearls, or precious clothes, but instead modesty, chastity, complacency, and, doing this yourself, you will demand the same from him. If you need to do something to please your husband, then you need to decorate the soul, and not dress up and destroy the body. It is not so much the gold with which you adorn yourself that will make you amiable and pleasant to him, but chastity and affection towards him and the willingness to die for your spouse. This primarily captivates husbands. This decoration is unpleasant for the husband, because it puts his estate in a cramped position and requires great expenses and worries; and this, which was mentioned above, will bind the husband to his wife. Affectionateness, friendship and love bring neither worries nor costs, but everything is the opposite. Moreover, that outfit becomes cloying from habit; and the decoration of the soul blooms every day and kindles the strongest flame. So, if you want to please your husband, decorate your soul with chastity, piety, and care for the home. This beauty is both more captivating and never stops. Neither old age destroys this beauty, nor does disease destroy it. Time destroys bodily beauty, illness destroys it, and much more, but what adorns the soul is above all this. Moreover, that beauty excites envy and kindles jealousy; and this one is clean from such illness and free from all vanity. Thus, everything will go better in the house, and income will be more abundant, when gold will not lie around your body, will not tie your hands, but will be used for necessary needs, such as for the maintenance of servants, for the necessary care of children and for other real needs. But if it is not so, if it lies before your eyes on all sides and oppresses your heart, then what is the profit? What's the use? The sadness of the heart does not allow one to notice what captivates the eyes. After all, you know, you know rightly, that if someone saw a woman, even the best decorated, he cannot find pleasure in it when his soul is sick. Anyone who wants to find pleasure must first be cheerful and have a disposition to joy. Meanwhile, if all the gold is wasted on decorating the wife’s body, and poverty dwells in the house, then there is no pleasure for the spouse. So, if you want to please your husbands, bring them into a pleasant mood, and you will bring them into this mood when you reject clothes and jewelry. All this, apparently, has some pleasantness for him during the wedding; but subsequently, over time, it loses its value. If, out of habit, we are not very surprised at the sky, which is so beautiful, and the sun, which is so brilliant that you cannot compare any body with it, then how can we marvel at an adorned body? I say this, wanting you to be adorned with true beauty, which Paul commanded: “not with gold, not with pearls, not with costly clothing, but with good works, as becomes women devoting themselves to godliness” (1 Tim. 2:9, 10). Or do you want to please strangers and receive praise from them? But this desire is by no means a chaste wife. However, if you want, then they will love you very much and praise you for your chastity. In fact, no modest and decent person will praise her [who loves clothes]; Will dissolute people praise her, or, better said, they will not praise her, but on the contrary, they will begin to speak ill of her when they notice that her shamelessness arouses lust in them. And this [chaste] will be praised by both of them and everyone, since not only do they not receive any harm from her, but, on the contrary, she also receives instruction in wisdom. And she will receive great praise from people and a great reward from God (8). Of all the evils, the worst is an evil wife! If she is poor, her malice will bring her wealth. And if wealth is already at her disposal, it doubles her malice; an intolerable animal, an incurable disease, an indomitable beast - that’s what she was then. I know that asps can be tamed with affection, and lions, tigers and leopards can be tamed and made tame. And the evil wife is indomitable; oppressed, she rages, caressed, she becomes arrogant. If her husband is the boss, she whispers to him day and night about murders and intrigues, like Herodias to Herod; if her husband is poor, she excites him to envy and quarrels; Finally, if she becomes a widow, then she herself begins to dishonor everyone. The fear of the Lord does not bridle her tongue; she is not afraid of God or the future Judgment, she does not recognize the laws of love. Even putting her own husband to death means nothing to an evil wife. In fact, the righteous Job was encouraged by his wife to hasten his death with blasphemy. “Blass God,” she said, “and die” (Job 2:9). Oh, evil creature! Oh, wicked desire! I was not moved by pity at the sight of the suffering of a man whose whole body was swarming with worms and, like hot coals, was covered with purulent scabs; did not soften at the sight of agony and death torment, with convulsions and shortness of breath; was not imbued with compassion, seeing naked and lying in the dung of the one who once performed in the royal scarlet robe; she did not remember her previous relationship with him, nor how much good and glory she received through him. And instead of all this - “blaspheme God and die.” Here's my wife's gratitude! Here's a pain-relieving patch! This is the law of marital love! Did he ever say such words when you were sick? Didn’t he, on the contrary, try to soften your illness with prayers and good deeds? And you, not content with the temporary punishment that has befallen him, want to bring eternal punishment upon him, inciting him to blasphemy? Don’t you know that “all sin and blasphemy will be forgiven to men, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven to men... neither in this age nor in the next” (Matthew 12:31, 32)? Do you want to see another wife with the same malice? Remember Delilah. She cut off the strongest Sampson, tied him up and betrayed him to the foreigners. She seduced, deceived, and lulled her own husband, who shared her bed, with her caresses and her hypocrisy. Yesterday I loved, but today I deceived; Yesterday I pleased you with love, but today I destroyed you with deception. Wasn't he handsome? Who at that time was more beautiful than him, who wore seven curls on his head, the image of sevenfold grace? Or wasn't he strong? But who was stronger than him when he strangled a terrible lion on the way with his own hands, and beat a thousand foreigners with one donkey’s jawbone? Or was he not holy? He was so holy that when one day, languishing with thirst and not finding water to quench it, he prayed to God, then through his prayer, water flowed out of the dead donkey’s jaw that was in his hands, and his thirst was quenched. And so beautiful, so strong and so holy a husband, his own wife, having tied him up as an enemy, betrayed him to the foreigners. But how could a woman defeat such a strong husband? She took advantage of his kindness, learned his strength from him at night, and then tied him naked with strong belts. It is not for nothing that Wisdom proclaims to you: “Keep the door of your mouth from her who lies in your bosom” (Mic. 7:5). What kind of beast, tell me, and when does it plot something like this against its male? What kind of snake seeks to destroy its mate? What kind of lioness prepares death for her male? Do you see how true the words of Wisdom are: “there is no head more poisonous than the head of a serpent, and there is no fury stronger than the fury of a woman” (Sir. 25:17)? In a word, whoever has an evil wife should know that this is his reward for his iniquities. This is again confirmed by Wisdom: an evil wife will be given to a wicked husband for his evil deeds (9). There is nothing more shameful than a voluptuous wife, there is nothing more disgusting than a wife devoted to drunkenness; her complexion fades, the clarity and meekness of her eyes darken, as if from a cloud blocking the rays of the sun. This is a deed characteristic not of a free person, but of a slave, and is extremely ignoble. How unpleasant a woman is, breathing stinking and spoiled wine, belching the fumes of rotten meat, weighed down so much that she cannot stand up, flushed beyond her bounds, constantly yawning and dozing! This is not a woman who abstains from voluptuousness: she is respectable, chaste and comely, since a good disposition of the soul gives a lot of beauty to the body (10). A wife is a haven and the most important medicine for [those seeking] complacency. If you keep this pier free from winds and waves, you will find great peace in it when you return from the market; but if you disturb and disturb it, you will prepare for yourself a very dangerous shipwreck. So, let it not be this, but let it be what I am talking about. If something unfortunate happens in the house due to her fault, then console her, and do not increase her sorrow, even if you lose all your property, it will not be more regrettable than hostility with your cohabitant; no matter what guilt you present, nothing will be more intolerable than discord with your wife. Therefore, let your love for her be most precious to you. If we must bear each other’s burdens, then even more so our wives. If she is poor, do not reproach her; if she is unreasonable, do not judge, but rather try to teach her; for she is your member; you are one flesh. But would you say that she is talkative, prone to drunkenness, and angry? In this case, one should not be angry, but grieve, pray to God, exhort, admonish her and do everything to destroy her passion. If you beat and torment her, you will not heal her illness; rudeness is corrected by meekness, and not by mutual rudeness. At the same time, do not forget about the reward from God. If you, having the opportunity to reject her, do not do this out of fear of God, but begin to endure her shortcomings out of respect for the law, which forbids rejecting a wife, no matter how great her illness, you will receive an indescribable reward, and even before the reward - a great benefit, making her more submissive, accustoming yourself to greater meekness in relation to her. They say that one of the external philosophers [Socrates], having an angry wife, talkative and prone to drunkenness, when asked why he tolerated her, answered that she served for him as a home school and an exercise in wisdom: I, he said, by practicing daily with her, I become more meek with others. Are you delighted? And it is very regrettable to me that the pagans are superior in wisdom to us, who are commanded to imitate the Angels, or, better yet, are commanded to imitate God himself in meekness. The said philosopher did not expel his evil wife for this reason, and some say that for this reason he married her. But, since many people are not so prudent, I advise you to try in every possible way in advance to choose a wife who is well-behaved and full of all virtues; If you happen to make a mistake and bring an unkind and even unfit bride into your house, then imitate this philosopher, correct her by all means and consider this matter the most important. A merchant does not launch a ship into the sea and does not begin trading before he has concluded terms with his friend that would ensure their mutual peace of mind. So we will take all measures to maintain every kind of peace within our ship with our accomplices in the worldly field; then everything else will be calm for us, and we will safely cross the sea of ​​real life. We must care about this more than about the house, slaves, money, fields and even civil affairs; What should be most precious for us is not to have enmity and strife with our partner; then everything else will go well for us, and in spiritual matters we will have greater success, bearing the burden of this life with unanimity (12). You might be interested in: