Октябрь 1877 года

October 1st. The Holy Church cheerfully and solemnly celebrates the Protection of the Mother of God, seeing in Her its shield and its protection from all troubles. It is joyful for the faithful children to remember and glorify the wonderful protection of the Mother of God as evidence of Her mother’s love and mercy for us and care for the perishing world. Her power is omnipotent by God's grace, but also all-holy and all-righteous. But how can we become worthy of Her protection? - Repentance, correction of life, fulfillment of the commandments of Her Son and God, purity of heart, humility, kindness, mercy. But our hearts are unclean, filled with wickedness, malice, envy, fornication, drunkenness and intemperance, blasphemy, partiality, human servility, untruth, hard-heartedness, greed, laziness, negligence; Deliver us from them and countless other passions, O Lord, through the prayers of Your Most Pure and Most Blessed Mother. Wake up! Amen. October 2. Lord, I thank You for the miracle of Your goodness, obedience, strength, mercy and generosity, which You wrought in me during my prayer in the apartment of the honorary citizen M. O. Britnev before his home all-night vigil, when after the glorification and [...] I was broken in soul, unclean, vile, when the unclean flame scorched me and demonic fear confused me. Through prayer, all the devil’s charm disappeared like scales, his abomination in me subsided, peace and great boldness were given to me, and I served good throughout the entire service. Forgive, Lord, my sin that I revealed the sin of my brother Deacon Peter to Britnev, and did not cover his weaknesses (he said that the epilepsy was from drunkenness). I sinned. I repent. Forgive, most merciful Lord, forgive Deacon Peter and deliver him from epilepsy and drunkenness, as I ask for him, Lord! Amen. Despite the darkness of miracles performed by the Most Holy Theotokos, an unclean-hearted person does not believe in Her mercy and intercession, in Her closeness and benevolence to us sinners, as one should believe, that is, undoubtedly, sincerely, firmly, unshakably. So, if you please, deal with the unclean and crafty sinner: he doesn’t even believe in the sun, that it shines and warms, and gives life to all nature. Oh, sin! Oh, uncleanness! Oh, disbelief! Oh, wickedness! Oh, devil! Evening. Nine o'clock. I thank the Lord, who trains my hands to fight, my fingers to fight [Ps. 143:1]; I thank the Lord that today it was not my will, sinful, little-faithful, cowardly, disobedient, disobedient, rude, proud, voluptuous, prodigal, lazy, that was fulfilled in the service, but Your will - holy, perfect, omniscient, omnirighteous, omnipotent, omnipotent. Fearing indignation and timidity, the fear of demons during the solitary service of Sunday matins and early mass in the Duma Church, that is, without a sick deacon, I asked Father Alexander Taratin to serve the all-night vigil and late mass on Sunday alone, without a deacon, and I myself wanted to serve matins and early mass in the cathedral with a deacon; Father Archpriest heard this too. But what? I come to the cathedral today to serve early mass or before matins, and I see the archpriest beginning matins. I turn to him in bewilderment and say: how do you serve Matins when I wanted to serve it? And he said that it was as if I myself had told Father Alexander that I would serve matins and early mass in the Duma, and he began to send me quickly to the Duma and use his hands to lead me away when I stood in bewilderment and persisted in spite of him not to go. However, there was nothing to do - he left in grief and embarrassment. On the way, invisible enemies extremely outraged me with annoyance and anger at the archpriest. I tried to justify, to excuse him with old age and infirmity, burr, weakness of chest, desire to serve with a deacon, accused myself of cowardice, willfulness and stubbornness, disobedience, anger, disrespect, I prayed to the Lord to grant me, above all, kindness towards the insidious enemies who were looking to upset me, humiliate me (as I thought about him), and, having already come to church, everything I was still worried, but finally, during the service, I calmed down somewhat, and the Lord gave me the strength and strength of faith and hope to complete Matins and the Liturgy without stumbling, almost (only at the small litanies I got a little confused once or twice) to the end and to defeat the stumbling enemy in all those places where he had stumbled me before. I thank and praise the Lord for His mercy and help: He did not put me to shame out of the expectation of His mercy. (And I don’t know what to think about Archpriest Pavel Vasilyevich Trachevsky: did he not listen to my agreement yesterday with Father Alexander and thought that I wanted to serve in the Duma church, and not in the cathedral, or he knew my real intention, but wanted to do it contrary to me and was not at all fraternally deceitful. God knows, but in any case I thank the Lord that my cowardly will was not fulfilled, but the will of God, for The Lord showed me that with the help of His grace I can fairly serve alone, without a deacon, since my chest is healthy and strong, and the Lord is strong and omnipotent, to give me an abundance of strength, faith and hope in serving Him, our wonderful God.) Lord! Continue to glorify Your holy name in me, and I will glorify You in every possible way. Maybe the archpriest opposes me because I sometimes go against him, however, only when he is clearly unfair. In any case, we must pray for him fervently: his heart’s eyes are blinded by unbelief, love of money, pride, envy, deceit, extreme hard-heartedness: he will not spare anyone from the poor and unfortunate for nothing, but whoever has money and a name, that is, nobility, rank, whoever is close to his pocket, will regret him. It’s true that we are all alike. We need to wash away the defilements of our hearts with tears of repentance. The Minister of Public Education, Count Dmitry Andreevich Tolstoy, arrived in Kronstadt today to inspect the gymnasium and stayed with Mr. Director Pyotr Nikolaevich Yanish. Tomorrow at eight and a half o'clock in the morning all the mentors must introduce themselves to him and to me too. Say, O Lord, Lord, Lord, in his heart goodness for me and for all of us. Grant to us, O Lord, a good answer, and to Your servants. Wake up! God! I thank You for the gift of health of soul and body and for the contentment of earthly blessings. I thank You for Your daily, unceasing grace, cleansing, sanctifying, enlightening, reviving me, especially for Your divine, heavenly, life-giving Mysteries, for Your Divine Body and Divine Blood. Kurganova, take three rubles to the barracks. In each of us there is a hedgehog in the image of God, and we must pray for each other, so that what exists in the image will be saved and not destroyed, and may be freed from the corruption of passions, from wickedness and all sin. Dear, dear in man is the Divine principle - the rational, free, immortal soul; [all] souls are God’s breath; every soul is alive by the Holy Spirit alone. Let us remember mutual kinship and let us respect and love each other, let us forgive each other and thereby destroy the work of the devil, let us pray for each other and thus save each other. Wake up! Help, Lord! Hurry up, Lord! Remember, Lord, in Your Kingdom Your servant Count Demetrius, make him wise, establish him, save him! Amen. Wake up! I will put on Christ and fear no one, and I will appear perfect in everything and amazing 60 to many, many. Show, O Lord, to Thy servants who are in high rank with me, that I am Thy servant, and Thou art my God, my glory, my salvation, my protection, my light, my wisdom, my boldness. During and outside of worship, for the sake of God, neglect the opinion of the world and secular people about you, who often speak slyly about you. The devil frightens you with the opinion of the world, the people of the world. Despise dreamy fear. With how great and countless miracles of the Mother of God the Church has been enriched to the consolation, joy, glory and strength of herself and her children. It is worthy and righteous that She glorifies them and their Creator, although the miracles of Her mercy surpass all our praises. Inspiring, inspiring loudly, Holy Church of God, to your children the miracles of the Lady, may they duly thank, glorify Her, and may they be strengthened in faith and hope in Her and in love for Her and in Her glory. Since the Lady is a much-weeping scab of demons, 61 the demons terribly blaspheme Her, the Most Blessed One, among Her servants and those who are contrary to Her in their deeds. In the first, against their will, internally, in their thoughts, and in others, from their will, sometimes explicitly in speech. I am extremely outraged by this demonic slander of the vile spirits of malice against the Mother of God. This is a stinking scab on a soul overwhelmed by demonic blasphemy. I, unworthy, nasty, am not worthy to look at the face of the Most Pure Virgin. But ask me, Lady, a pure heart from Your Son and our God, for Your maternal prayer can do everything, but nothing is impossible for You. God! Remember those suffering from demons, among whom I was, and heal them. Let the word of my prayer be for them instead of visiting and prayers there for them and over them. Amen. Moreover, for those who are not strangers and strangers, but are fellows with the saints and have dreamed of God, who were founded [Russian: established] as an apostle and a prophet, I am the cornerstone of Jesus Christ Himself [Eph. 2:19–20]. How much greatness, hope, joy, consolation these words of the Apostle inspire! You are not strangers and not aliens, but cohabitants of the holy saints of God and your own to God, forming part of the animated, miraculous church of God, founded on the prophets and apostles, and having Jesus Christ Himself as the cornerstone. October 3. Lord, knowing the partiality, absurdity, impurity, partiality of my heart! Now cleanse my entire insides from all wickedness, from all untruth, from all contemplation, partiality, and [grant] to value a person according to his inner dignity, in the image and likeness of God. Amen. Ten o'clock in the evening. I condemn myself for the greed with which I, after a filling snack at a party (two types of salted fish pie along with cabbage and carrots), also ate lunch at home: cabbage soup and a portion of a significant grouse, which is why I became satiated and burdened myself. Should I, a priest, a communicant of the Holy Mysteries, eat so many times and become satiated? Should I imitate the ancient Esau, who sold his birthright to his brother for lentil stew [Gen. 25:31–34]? Oh, how many, many of us even now sell our heavenly birthright for earthly pleasures! And I - alas! first. And You are still patient with me, Lord! Do not condemn me, Lord, for my unrepentance and lack of correction to die prematurely and do not send me into eternal fire, but wait still kindly for my conversion and correction! October 4. Eleven o'clock at night. I thank the Lord, who gave me tears of tenderness while reading the canon of the Mother of God Hodegetria. I thank the Lord, who gives me, a sinner, to feel His goodness, mercy, wisdom, omnipotence, omnipresence, infinite greatness, holiness and truth, simplicity and purity of being, immensity and incomprehensibility, ever-present (Tuesday). I also thank Him for allowing me to feel my thinness, sinfulness, weakness, insignificance and to resort to His mercy in everything. October 5. I thank the Lord, who raised me up healthy and vigorous from sleep after the tearful prayer (canon of the Theotokos Hodegetria). Inside a person, in his heart, there are two opposite currents: the holy of God and the sinful of the devil (and the latter, due to the depravity of people in Adam), the current of the evil thoughts of this world and the current of the thoughts of heaven, God, and the saints. Blessed is the one who continually cleanses the soul from earthly and evil thoughts and instills in it heavenly thoughts, thoughts and deeds of holiness, truth, love, mercy, devotion to the will of God, patience, long-suffering. You, devil, unrighteously killed the Righteous One with the cross; be it worthily and righteously that you yourself be killed by the same cross and by the power of the Righteous Lord Jesus Christ, who redeemed us with the cross from your greatest and all-destructive power. Amen. “I will not eat or drink until I uproot all the nasty and all-destructive thorns of sin within myself,” the holy saints said and did, “I will give my body to torment and thousands of deaths, just to get rid of sin and eternal torment. What do we think and do in this short earthly life filled with vanities? We eat, we drink, we have fun, we gather without knowing whom, we envy, we flatter, we enmity. Eight and a half o'clock in the morning. I thank the Lord, who has blessedly changed my heart from hostility to affection for Archpriest Pavel Trachevsky, from disobedience to submission, from confusion into the world, from cramped space into space through heartfelt prayer. His order was brought to serve on weekdays in the chapels, and on holidays and Sundays in the main church. And it became annoying and disgusting to me, like his order about the sacristy, which was kept to be eaten by moths and not used for the splendor of divine services. I realized that there was no sufficient and just reason for me to oppose the abbot in a hostile, contemptuous, unloving manner, and I prayed to the Lord to correct my heart, and the Lord corrected me, sending His Holy Spirit to renew the face of my soul. October 6. I know a lot, but I don’t know the ABCs - the Christian ABCs of humility and gentleness, and without these virtues, you have nothing. If ... love is not imam, there is no benefit for us, says the holy Apostle Paul [1.13: 3]. So, learn daily humility, obedience, meekness and gentleness, as well as abstinence and inner chastity. May the Lord help you. Every sin is something crazy, ugly, poisonous, murderous, although often under the guise of sweet and pleasant, something absurd, nasty, unclean, illusory, chimerical, disgusting, ugly. The pure in heart, it is said, will see God [Matthew 5:8], and His saints see God, and in God they see us, the earthly, our thoughts, desires, needs, and hear our prayers. They are one spirit with the Lord [1.6:17], which means one eye, one hearing, one mind, one love with the Lord, one strength, one beauty, one holiness, one fragrance, one life, one bliss, one goodness. It is good for me to cleave to God, to place the hope of my salvation in the Lord [Ps. 72:28]. I sinned before the Lord - I did not fulfill His next commandment: when you have fulfilled everything commanded you, say: we are worthless servants, because we did what we had to do [Luke 17:10]. By fulfilling my duties, for example, teaching the Law of God in a gymnasium and receiving monetary rewards for that, I consider myself entitled to receive an order for that, and I desire and strive for it. And this is a lie, absurdity, vanity. Instead of considering myself an indecent slave, as one who often performs a task carelessly, I think of myself as an excellent businessman who deserves a reward. It is for this that I am worth a great punishment, not a reward. Pay all your attention to improving, to revitalizing the work of teaching, to firmly establishing it. October 7. Friday. I thank the Lord, who destroyed in me the movement of hostility towards Father Paul, who took away the cramped conditions and gave me peace as a result of my inner repentance at the memorial service of the widow, merchant Ksenia Lvovna Nikitina, for Theodora, her son. Oh, may there not be in me, Lord, a shadow of hostility towards any of the people, much less towards the elder abbot. Let all love be with me [1.16:14]. Everything human is sinful, and what is sinful is stupid, absurd, vain, vulgar, petty, ugly despite the sometimes visible beauty, so we should not pay attention to not being indignant in the least, especially when stupid manifestations of sin concern us. We must pay all our attention to the divine, righteous, holy, eternal, imperishable, worldly, wise, truly beautiful, majestic. All this is contained in our Holy Orthodox Church, in its writings, in worship, in the Sacraments, rituals, and statutes. With hasty, inattentive and careless singing and reading, faith in God, religious feelings, tenderness, repentance, love for God and neighbor little by little are dried up in those singing and reading, and they are the greatest enemies both for themselves and for those listening to them; they are the reason for the impoverishment of faith and piety among the people; they must be strictly admonished and instilled in them to read and sing slowly, intelligently, with feeling, with zeal. Oh, I see and have seen how my religious feeling, cordiality, sincerity, tenderness often disappeared and is disappearing when serving with the dean and archpriest of our cathedral, who loved and loves haste and omissions of entire psalms and verses! You'd have to be blind not to see this. May the Lord enlighten us. This archpriest, who has not received a higher education, has completely undeveloped religious thought and religious feeling, his worship is purely formal, without a soul, as much as I noticed in him over the course of twenty years, and he himself admitted that if even for two minutes during mass he lifts his thought to God, then that is enough. My God! Is it really possible that out of a whole hour dedicated to You, we can devote only two minutes? Good God! Grant us to belong entirely to You, not only during worship, but throughout our lives. Oh, how little sincere piety, the fire of the Holy Spirit, the burning of the spirit is in us (burning with the spirit, working for the Lord [Rom. 12:11]). Yesterday, at ten o’clock in the evening (while walking and praying) I remembered the sign of the cross in prayer, its meaning and power, and I cried life-giving tears, cleansing the heart. For what? As the suffering on the cross and the death of the Son of God cover our unworthiness, our weaknesses, sins, that for the sake of His dignity, the Heavenly Father covers our unworthiness and our unworthy prayers are made worthy by faith in Him, in His intercessory, perfect high priestly prayer for the whole world and for His followers in particular. October 8. I thank the Lord, who has given me the grace to perform the early liturgy without stumbling, in a clear and living voice, and to partake of His life-giving, most wonderful, most heavenly, life-giving Mysteries. I sinned before the Lord and before my neighbors by deliberately not greeting one acquaintance when I met her, with the evil thought that she, according to the slander of her son-in-law, had a grudge against me: my evil killed me immediately, sorrow and oppression pinched my heart. I could not get rid of them until I entered the church, fell to the throne of God and begged forgiveness from God and healing of my heart in deep repentance. Oh, how the devil catches us, trying every minute to ensure that love dries up in our hearts. But, O Holy Soul, pour Thy love abundantly into our hearts for the sake of Thy Holy Name and grant us to strive 62 in every possible way to preserve and increase love for God and neighbors, and to overcome evil [Rom. 12:21], and not to think evil about our neighbors, and to endure graciously insults and persecution. Wake up! Ten o'clock in the evening. Love is the fulfillment of the law [Rom.13:10]. We see, Lord, how the primordial enemy of Yours and ours steals love from our hearts through self-love, voluptuousness, greed, ambition, pride, envy, unbelief, despair, despondency, vain fear and through other passions. Destroy in us, Lord, all his dirty tricks, in all Your people. October 9th. Morning, three and three quarters o'clock. You should never eat meat at night. Last night I ate it with gusto (greed), and when I went to bed after reading the canons and akathists and fell asleep, I soon had a nasty dream. I woke up, got dressed, and now I’m off to a prayer of repentance before the Lord. All night there was a terrible itch of voluptuousness. This is what it means to eat meat, especially at night! There is no need to eat meat at all to maintain chastity and purity, like a monk. October 11. I thank the Lord, who surprised me at eight and a half o’clock in the evening with a miracle of His mercy and His power, who accepted my heartfelt repentance and delivered me from the oppression and sorrow that befell me for disliking my wife because of her faults and sloppiness, together with the servants, and neglect of all the legitimate help required of her as a wife. I realized that I was angry with my wife on a whim, because of my womb, without having a fair and solid reason to be angry with my wife. The tightness and sorrow left me, my soul became free, light, peaceful, joyful, and after that I served the requiem without stumbling, peacefully, with boldness. October 12. It’s remarkable that this morning, especially after tea, I felt very heavy, especially in my stomach, my stomach ached, my insides burned like nettles, I had a weakness of strength, heaviness, tightness, I could hardly move my legs, whereas before I was light. What is the reason, I thought, for such bodily weakness and loss of spirit, melancholy? I thought it was from yesterday’s tea, from Finnish wine (at the Alexandrovs’), from indoor tobacco smoke, and finally from the watermelon, which I ate quite a bit. Finally it was explained: the painful mood of spirit and body came from a premonition of bad weather at one o'clock in the afternoon, especially at two o'clock: it began to rain heavily, and in the evening there was heavy fog with heavy rain, but it was warm and quiet. That's why it was especially difficult for me. I thank the Lord, who took away my weakness: as soon as the rain began, I felt better, and in the evening I was already running as easily as a tree. I thank the Lord, who strengthened me to perform the marriage victoriously in the face of resistance and the funeral service also in the face of the evil struggle of opposing forces. Glory to Thee, Good Comforter, Holy Soul! The Holy Church daily and repeatedly during prayer calls us to prayer: Let us pray to the Lord in peace... Let us pray again and again in peace to the Lord, often asking the Lord to intercede for us with His grace, teaching devotion to the Lord in all our lives (our whole life) by the example of devotion to the Mother of God and all the saints, for we are members of the body of the Church, of which Christ is the Head with perfect, holy members. 13. I thank the Lord, who gave me the grace to celebrate the cathedral liturgy at the cemetery for Dmitry Maksimov, the skipper of the Zarya steamship. With God's prayers... I was embarrassed and stumbled before the Gospel... Everything else is fine. Participated in revival. The desire for rewards and crosses feeds ambition, covetousness, and vanity; The cross of Christ is one - why do we desire many? Where are the deeds of valor? How great were the saints, and the ancient heroes of our fatherland, without crosses! And now how many unworthy people decorate themselves with crosses! 14. I thank the Lord, who delivered me from the sorrow and distress that befell me because of my grief at the rector for extreme haste in worship. I prayed to the Lord to grant me the power of love for him, the enemy of God, and to grant him the fear of God and spiritual reason, which he had completely lost through his negligence towards the work of God and is blaspheming the divine service, precisely blaspheming, not wanting to notice it and laughing at those serving piously. God! Open the eyes of our hearts. I thank the Lord for the gift of the liturgy and for the unfailing service and communion of the Holy Mysteries; With great struggle I served mass and with difficulty, with inner crampedness from yesterday’s gluttony, at Kozma Mikhailovich Nazarov’s (cheese, white roll with butter, the best sherry). I thank the Lord, who delivered me from cowardice, sorrow and cramped conditions at the entrance to the gymnasium, when I thought about the treachery of the gymnasium director Pyotr Nikolaevich Janisch regarding me, about neglecting me and depriving me of my due in my service. The Lord was the miracle of my salvation. I soon calmed down, calling on His name with faith and zeal, in repentance, self-reproach, recognizing that He is my highest honor, incorruptible glory, eternal beauty, eternal strength, eternal life. October 15. The haste in the service of the archpriest reached the point of blasphemy and the fear of reading and singing an extra stichera and staying in the church for several minutes more than he was supposed to, so that the service was reduced to a pitiful appearance: not a single rational thought, not a single pious feeling could be taken out of the church. This is the general voice, not mine; he himself serves carelessly, barely audible in the altar, and he urges the sextons and deacons, like a horse driver, to serve faster; yesterday, October 14, matins and mass together lasted only one hour: at seven o'clock in the morning the early first mass ended. What's the hurry? I don’t know, I only know that there is no sufficient reason for this, that this is done out of neglect of the work of God, out of callousness of heart, out of a spirit of pride and contempt for the brethren, which he considers everything to be chess. The archpriest taught the youngest priest to be careless about the liturgy and communion of the Holy Mysteries: he hardly prepares for it, does not listen to Matins, and comes straight to mass. In reports to the consistory on the statistics of the schism in Kronstadt, he deliberately lies, concealing the real number of schismatics, of which there are ten families, but he shows exactly one, and teaches us to lie, otherwise he persecutes us. God! Give him and us some sense; teach me to resist him in meekness and a spirit of love and zeal for godliness. If I look at him incorrectly, enlighten me quickly, so that I don’t resist in vain; if it’s correct, then let me resist wisely and meekly, so that we may have kindness and love. Since fasting days, I feel much lighter in the morning and sleep more peacefully at night. You must fulfill your fast exactly, to the best of your ability. During Matins, while reading and singing, the voice was weak from yesterday’s cod, the empty tea with jam at the Grechukhins’, and from reading in a room in which the air was dusty, tobacco, and damp; internal nerves were in decline. Today I ate meat, brains, fatty roasts and burdened myself, damn it, but I don’t need to eat meat, nothing very nutritious at all. When will I stop pursuing pleasure in lust [Rom.13:14]? When will I mortify the flesh, which so strongly rebels against the spirit? When will I give in to carnal lusts and pursue spiritual life, doing everything to please the Lord, both in thinking and in doing? How long will I test the goodness and long-suffering of the Lord! I was at the all-night vigil for five minutes to listen to how the service was read - the dean’s father served: you can’t understand anything from him, or from Father Deacon Vladimir or the sexton, or even from the singers - they sing barely audibly, according to the order of the dean’s father. What is given to the people ahead? – Nothing, he is forced to be bored during the divine service, no verbal, spiritual food - everything is secretive, hidden. And to whom it is said: lift up your voice like a trumpet... Do not diminish a word [Isa.58:1; Jer.26:2 ]? In the entire structure of our worship down to the smallest detail, in the readings, chants, rituals, there is a deep meaning that is distorted when these details are omitted - which, unfortunately, the performers of the service do not notice and do not want to notice, and through this they allow themselves to blaspheme the divinely established order of worship. We need to improve. The holy apostles and holy fathers, who established the divine service, are extremely indignant with us for our arbitrariness and disorderly conduct in its administration. It is necessary to clearly convey the idea, the thought of the divine service of the Orthodox Church, for the idea is the soul of the divine service, giving it unity, harmony, vitality, greatness, strength, beauty, saving power, sweetness, shrine, truth. Very many, the vast majority of those who visit and do not visit it, do not have this idea. In worship, all dogma, all church history, all the economy of our salvation, all spiritual healing, all the meaning, all the greatness of man as the image and likeness of God; it depicts in bright colors all his fall, corruption, all sinfulness, all the weakness of man, the need for redemption and the Redeemer, the integrity of the economy of human salvation, the faithfulness of the Lord Creator, Provider and Savior to Himself and to man in all His deeds, the wonderful sequence in the entire economy (the creation of the world and man, the blissful state, the fall, exposure, the promise of the Savior, preparation, the appearance of the Savior, the creation of the work of salvation, wonderful teaching, miracles, prophecies, suffering, death, resurrection, ascension, sending of the Holy Spirit, planting of the Church, dissemination, glorification, renewal of humanity). The most frequently repeated hymns and prayers in divine services are hymns and prayers to the Holy Trinity: Blessed is God... Blessed is the Kingdom of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit... Glory to the Holy and Consubstantial and Life-Giving and Indivisible Trinity... Glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages, because the power of the Kingdom The Holy Trinity must righteously and worthily be blessed and glorified by rational creatures, created in Her image and likeness and redeemed by the Blood of the One from the Trinity, united again (after the destruction of the mediastinum of sin and curse) with God and having to receive eternal life as the greatest gift, which is impossible to express in language. Glory be forever to the Holy Trinity from all of us, people who have been so blessed by the Lord! Amen. October 16. Resurrection. After early mass. Woe to me today at mass - the enemy drowned me, crushed me, confused me, frightened me for my satiety, for eating meat, for sniffing, smoking, and most of all for smoking 63 for, having not smoked a cigar for so long, I smoked last night and thereby clogged my lungs and throat and could barely pronounce words, and others I could not at all due to demonic fear. Oh, how the enemy cruelly scolded me today! How cramped and unbearable it was for me! What a shameful captivity I was in the hands of the devil. How he bound me, a glutton, with shackles and iron chains! Just yesterday I felt very hard, hard after lunch, which I consumed after apples, tea and wine, which were delivered to me from the sick Ekaterina Stepanova Soloukhina! Smoking is simply death of the spirit! This is what I experienced today. I thank the Lord, who made me worthy to partake of the Holy Mysteries and with them revived me, killed by the sins and passions of life. Having been in terrible weakness, I believed the weakness of Father Paul (the rector), who served extremely quietly and sluggishly, and forgave him for his weakness by the grace of God. I regretted that I judged him harshly and did not reproach him to his face. He also made peace with the eccentric maiden Olga. 17. I thank the Lord, who accepted me to celebrate the early Divine Liturgy and partake of His wonderful, life-giving, immortal Mysteries. I thank the Lord, who accepted my repentance for my anger towards the beggar for frequent begging and, as it seemed to me, deception, and who gave me peace instead of confusion, space instead of cramped conditions, and the dew of His grace instead of hellish fire. I thank the Lord, who again punished me for my anger and grief at my sister-in-law Anna and my wife, who hid something from me in the chest of drawers with a wink and a wave of his hand, and who again had mercy after my repentance. For I myself do the same, and I am not angry with myself for some deceit. 17. Lord of glory! I thank You that You have dispelled my bewilderment and confusion regarding the earthly difference of some of my merits in teaching Your law to Your little children. God! Do this too for the glory of Your name, for not to me, not to me, but to Your name is this glory [Ps. 113:9], for I bear Your dignity. To you alone I bring glory and thanksgiving for everything. My only weaknesses and sins, my Lord, Lord! (Director Janisch Petr Nikolaevich announced to me that he had nominated me for fifteen years of service to the Order of St. Anne of the third degree.) I love the Lord, who continually delivers, cleanses, sanctifies, pacifies, distributes, renews my soul, helps me, glorifies me tune 64 for the sake of His name. O priceless, incomparable, vital treasure of my heart - Lord! 18. Holy Apostle and Evangelist Luke. I thank the Lord, who delivered me from a great misfortune - from embarrassment and mental disorder after a quarrel with the rector, who dresses us in torn, unsuitable vestments for the liturgy, while many vestments are stored and lie unused in the sacristy. After the bath, my nerves were already especially tender and sensitive, but here they were even more shaken by the non-peaceful conflict, for it was offensive to hear the slander that the Father Superior generously addressed to me. He served the Liturgy without stumbling, and took communion with great boldness. He also served the memorial service without stumbling, except for the first exclamation, when he stared at his good epitrachelion. When I came home, I had a severe headache: I started shooting, it started to ache, and then it started to hurt my legs; In class I suffered quite a bit with my head and left leg; from class on my way home, too. At home I ate a lot of grapes, lunched with cabbage soup and meat, then read the newspaper, went to bed, slept well and woke up completely healthy. I thank the Lord for healing me. The illness was nervous, resulting from little sleep and exhaustion, as well as from a strong stomach. Grapes and sleep fixed everything. God bless! Tomorrow is my birthday and my Angel's day. God bless! Forty-eight years of God’s kindness, generosity, and long-suffering towards me! Glory to Thee, long-suffering, abundantly gracious, abundantly merciful, kindly obedient, gracious, ever-favorable Lord! Let me praise You forever with a pure heart, out of ardent love! I glorify the abyss of Thy bounty, which Thou hast surprised upon me from the day of my conception in my mother’s womb even to this day! If I bring You songs of praise and gratitude equal to the sand, I will do nothing worthily, even as You have given to me, Who truly cries out to You: Alleluia! October 19. God! I thank You for this day, on which I came into this world to see the wonders of Your goodness, wisdom, omnipotence, beauty, all kinds of bounties, on which I was born by water and the Holy Spirit and was numbered among the Church of those who are being saved and received the promise of eternal life. I thank You for the wonders of Your mercy, for the grace of the priesthood, in which I have been serving for the twenty-second summer. Grant me to live the rest of my life in a godly manner, in holiness, in faith, hope and love, and in peace with my family, with my brethren, with all people. Grant me all the days of the rest of my life to learn Your righteousness. Most of all, grant that the rector of Your church, in which I serve, will be of the same mind with us in faith, piety, praise, love, and truth, so that he will give everyone their due. And grant me humility, meekness, kindness, peace, patience, if he is unfair to me and offends me, slandering me according to the custom of the common slanderer. 20. Vices pass from parents to children. The story of artillery officer Feodor Nikolaevich about his nephew, a student at a real school, who had a strong habit of stealing because when his mother carried him in the womb, she herself had the habit of stealing at that time and thus passed on her vice to her son. Poor children! Pathetic parents! And fire, purple spots on the face are from the fright of the mother during a fire, mouse spots from being frightened by a mouse. Marvelous things! What a combination of causes and circumstances. So my father and my mother passed on their shortcomings to me: timidity, cowardice, etc. But may the Lord remember them in His Kingdom and may He forgive them every sin, voluntary or involuntary; by rebirth, confirmation and communion of Thy Holy Mysteries, show me perfect in everything, renew, sanctify, make wise, beautify, establish and save me for the sake of Thy holy name. Amen. October 20. Morning, six o'clock. I thank the Lord, who, through the prayer of repentance, delivered me from sorrow and crowded conditions in the church during Matins and who gave me the grace to boldly read the canon of the day at Matins and to perform the entire liturgy without stumbling and to partake with boldness of the most pure and life-giving Mysteries. Glory to God, my Savior! How exalted in spirit should a priest be who performs such services as the all-night vigil, especially the liturgy, the Sacraments of Baptism, Confirmation, Penance, Marriage, and Blessing of Anointing. At the all-night vigil and liturgy, he prays and intercedes before God for the whole world, for all people, for all human fortunes and ranks, for people of all ranks, ages, both sexes, male and female, noble and ignorant, rich and poor. He must be pure in heart, removed from all worldly passions, from all partiality, must be filled with fiery love for the benefactor of all God, the most living gratitude, must be all grief, all heavenly, divine, must sincerely love truth and holiness and with all his soul hate all lawlessness, must be completely devoted to God. Are we like that? Oh, we often live in vanity just like the laity, and we neglect the gift that lives in us. October 23. I thank the Lord with all my soul for His great and rich mercy yesterday, for with His help I performed, without stumbling, with a triumphant voice, the entire funeral matins alone, without a deacon, and the early liturgy with a deacon and received life-giving communion of the Divine Mysteries, then after dinner I served quite a prayer service and did not get tired. I thank the Lord for His material bounties, for yesterday’s three liturgies gave us more than a hundred rubles: from the early one there were 38 rubles, and from the later one 56, and from the early one in the Duma Church 15 rubles. The stichera are connected, as if by a golden thread, by glorifying the Holy Trinity and confessing Her eternity, for the Trinity is the Alpha and Omega of everything. The Most Holy Theotokos is a light-receiving candle for those in darkness, for, burning an immaterial fire in the hearts, she instructs everyone to the knowledge of God, enlightening the mind to dawn 65 . The holy saints of God: the Forerunner, the apostles, martyrs, saints, reverends and all saints are also lamps, burning and shining for people walking in the darkness of life and passions. Candles and lamps burn right in front of their icons. Burning candles resemble the invasion of the Holy Spirit into the fires, like the smoke of a censer into a cloud. For the solution to the question of the many Christians beaten and killed by the Turks, see the Epistle to the Hebrews of the Holy Apostle Paul in the chapter on faith: Faith is the realization of things hoped for, etc. The end is this: in order to receive a better resurrection [Heb.11:1, 35]. The priest, impersonating Jesus Christ, although unworthily, must be aware of his dignity and maintain it always and everywhere, so as not to lose his high rank in the eyes of the laity, although at the same time he must be simple, humble, meek, kind, non-covetous, accessible to everyone, free from vanity, pride and ambition; He must also be calm, always even, courageous, impartial, considering all noble and rich and ignorant, simple and poor, learned and unlearned as his children in the Lord and sheep of the verbal flock of Christ. October 23. I thank the Lord who has been kind to me, firstly, for preparing me for the liturgy with prayers in houses, secondly, for performing the late liturgy without stumbling (except for dismissal) and for communion of the heavenly Mysteries, thirdly, for the speedy deliverance from the great cramped conditions that befell me for hostility to the archpriest and resistance (the order to serve in the chapel). I prayed a heartfelt prayer internally before the icon of the Lord in Ivanov’s [zeichvarter 66] apartment outside the city, at the dacha of the first naval crew, and the Lord miraculously and quickly saved me; fourthly, again for a quick deliverance in Fedotiev’s apartment in Fedorov’s house in Ekaterininskaya Street before the christening: I was in devilish cramped conditions for hostility towards the sexton and envy that he was given a ruble, and I had to give one out of three rubles to the cab driver [...] (due to his silence it was not paid); fifthly, in the apartment of the priest of Preobrazhensky, the Lord saved me from severe cramps through my inner prayer. How many shortcomings and passions I have! Pride, ambition, vanity, vanity, disobedience, disobedience, covetousness, envy, hostility, ill will, and sometimes secret malice, lustful disposition, gluttony, lust, partiality, servility, fear of mankind, cowardice, man-pleasing, hard-heartedness towards the poor and unfortunate, stinginess, laziness, carelessness about one’s duties, silence and failure to speak the truth at the right time, deceit, malice, covetousness 67, quarrelsomeness! I am filled with all kinds of sins! 24. I thank the Lord, who showed me the greatest help during the service of Matins, when invisible enemies viciously tormented and outraged me and acted on my very voice, weakening it extremely. Today I felt very irritable. Do not impose on us, O Archpriest, countless unnecessary prohibitions and do not bind our freedom, remembering that we are not children. Where there is a prohibition, there is a sin. I said: do not impose countless prohibitions. This is true. You forbade the baptism of infants in the new chapels on the pretext of damaging the wooden floor, although nothing is done to the floor, and even if it really suffered from dampness, then there would be no need to let them into church in wet weather, because they go to church with damp feet; finally, you can lay oilcloth on the floor where you are baptizing; but Father Archpriest himself has baptized before and now baptizes in the chapels, always on a wooden floor. Further, he put a ban on vestments, locked them up and did not issue them. He talks a lot about trifles, but does not make any effort about the most important things, for example, about preaching in church, about decent, unhurried service, about charity. It hurts to see empty orders and no meaningful orders. But even with all this, we always submitted to the authority of the abbot. I feel better, more free in the main church, and why crowd? Now the church is spacious. We have served enough in the choirs in cramped spaces, let us serve in larger spaces. There is more air in the main church. Give freedom in indifferent things: when I want to serve in the main church due to circumstances, I will serve in it, and when I want in the chapel, I will serve in it. Don’t mess with my freedom, I want space, not to spite anyone, but simply because I need space, I’m used to it at home, on the street, in the gymnasium, in the houses of parishioners. Before, we always served in the main church. 24. I thank the Lord, who has showered me with His mercies today. Firstly, during mass he repeatedly delivered me from great distress, which arose both from my sins and from eating a lot of sardines with black bread from the priest of Preobrazhensky yesterday. Served kindly, loudly, quite boldly, except for the great entrance; received communion for life, joy, victory. Secondly, during Vespers, the Lord gave me great boldness and a clear, pure, loud voice to perform the service and saved me from embarrassment and oppression. Like a child with his father, I talked with the Lord - with faith and boldness, and also prayed to Him for victory. Thirdly, the Lord especially surprised me with His great and rich mercy and speedy mercy after my repentance for my insolence towards the poor; this insolence, this cursing of the beggars especially hurt and killed my soul; I, broken in soul, then entered the altar for repentance, fell on my knees before the throne and [began] to firmly beg the Lord for mercy and was not put to shame. The Lord soon consoled me with indescribable mercy. I stood up pardoned, healed, comforted, peaceful, with a spacious heart. Glory to Thee, my priceless treasure of life, Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God! Receive, Lord, every person who repents before You, just as You accept me, and breathe into every person the same faith, the same hope, boldness, the same repentance that You put into me, and have mercy on me quickly and richly, just as you have had mercy on me and always have mercy on me. Amen. Divine service, during all struggles with sins and nasty evil forces, amazingly renews, strengthens, cleanses, encourages, and it is for me the greatest benefit in life. I thank the Lord for this. An invaluable blessing was given to me from the Lord in worship. In worship the whole life of our soul, all the treasure, here is its homeland, its life, its shrine, its education, healing, food and drink, its strength, its glory. Our speech in a home conversation with the priest of Preobrazhensky with him and with his father, Archpriest Alex. Alekseevich Lebedev about worship, about its careless performance, about the lack of good, deliberate sextons, about insufficient textbooks, about their dryness and lethargy, scholasticism. 25. I felt extremely sad today during the morning because of yesterday’s gluttony at Brown’s, I felt bad for someone else’s bread and salt. I definitely had to bear the whole burden of their sins for a small treat; Satan tied me up and rode on me, tied up, stabbing me with his skeletons 68, crowding me, depriving me of my voice, deposing me, not allowing me to utter certain exclamations and words. The reason for the difficulty in my throat and voice was the sieve bread that I ate with butter, the rotted tea with sugar, the tobacco-saturated air in the room in which I sat for a while, and kissing the merchant Ivan Yegorovich Brown, a Protestant, on the tobacco lips, and finally, very rainy weather. Oh, how difficult was the struggle during Matins and after Matins with ethereal enemies, cruel riders! Serves it right! May I not scratch the scabs of my soul with voluptuousness, as the Church puts it! 69 Oh, how voluptuousness humiliates me, how it suppresses my poor soul! Yesterday, after a snack at Brown's, after drinking a glass of wine at home, I immediately felt heavy and wanted to sleep and did not take a walk in the air, which, by the way, is why my throat became hoarse. Instead of fresh air, I inhaled intensely room air, making evolutions 70. (Don't go to Brown.) But it was God’s great mercy towards me that the Lord granted me to overcome the hostility towards the archpriest in my heart and implanted love, goodwill and peace, driving away confusion from my soul. For this I thank the Lord very much. I thank the Lord, who mercifully heard me before Vespers, about deliverance from the great sorrow and distress that righteously befell me for my rude treatment of the beggars standing in the porch. I sincerely repented, plunged myself into the abyss of God’s love for mankind and received great and rich mercy - peace and space with boldness of heart. During a private all-night vigil in Gostiny Dvor, I was inwardly angry with the sexton for his rashness - and again sorrow and oppression began to form in my soul, the devil pressed me greatly and confused me, but inwardly I ran to the Lord with repentance, and the Lord heard me and delivered me from my sins, giving me peace. Then, walking through Gostiny Dvor, I came across a beggar asking for alms, and got angry with him, saying: Damn you, there are so many of you! - and again I got into trouble: the devil entered my heart and began to torment, burn me and oppress me; I went to church, fell completely in repentance to the throne, and the Lord again had mercy. But let me not use God’s long-suffering for evil! It’s wonderful: after eating meat at lunch, I felt more irritable afterwards; the heart becomes coarser from meat, acquires more animal instincts: he was angry with the sexton, he was angry with the beggars, with everyone. During prayer, the heart was extremely inclined towards voluptuousness, towards pleasant foods and drinks, even during mass today. Oh, Sovereign Lord! You renew me with miraculously life-giving Mysteries, me, killed by worldly passions. But let me kill my body and enslave it [1.9:27]! [...] raised in Page. bldg. 26. Now, over the course of a long period of my life, I learned and became convinced that carnality, gluttony, voluptuousness, satiety, and frequent drinking of wine lead not to good, but to evil: feelings become coarser, a person is burdened, suppressed by these actions, when tempted by the bodiless enemy, the carnivore becomes an easy prey, a toy, his laughingstock; he does with him what he wants: he instantly produces in him malice, envy or fornication, or despondency and fear of cowardice, or impatience, disobedience and resistance to authority, and if it were not for faith in the person whom he is tempting, then that person would soon perish - only faith with prayer and repentance saves him, for when in sorrow and oppression in repentance he will call on the Lord, asking mercy and deliverance, he soon receives what he asks for and rejoices at being delivered from the hellish bonds of the enemy, thanking the great heartfelt voice of the Almighty Savior for salvation. So, it's time to commit to abstinence. Grant, Lord, a strong will and help my unworthiness - Your yoke is good and Your burden is light [Matthew 11:30]. Before mass today I sinned terribly, getting angry and shouting at a beggar for his frequent begging, although I learned that this beggar is a wretched man, withered; I admit, I too zealously, to the depths of my soul, indulged in anger at this beggar, and he became extremely disgusted with me and, so to speak, became frozen, although he is not guilty of anything and is not at all vile, and perhaps, probably, a very good person, according to the word of Scripture: has not God chosen the poor of the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the Kingdom, which He promised to those who love Him? [James 2:5]. And how I myself was the first to suffer terrible harm from this rage! How wounded and decrepit 71 in soul, confused, fell into sorrow, cramped conditions, death, all-round misfortune! Having entered the church, I fell in deep sorrow to the throne and, deeply repenting, with contrition, I prayed to the Lord for mercy, healing, mercy, life, peace, health, space. But my anger was great, and in proportion to it I had to suffer and for a long time I could not pray for it, cleanse my sin, for it was extremely heavy, and before the Cherubic song I felt confusion, sorrow, crampedness, fear. During the Cherubim or, better, before the great entrance, I cried out: Lord, through the prayers of the Holy Great Martyr Demetrius, have mercy on me! And soon I felt relief, peace, freedom and spoke the royal name quite well, and then it became much easier for me! However, there was a struggle throughout the mass. But what is all this about? - Because of satiety. Yesterday I ate my fill of meat at lunch and a lot of meat cabbage soup, in the evening I was with the steward of the Nautical Club and, without need, I had a tasty and delicious snack, drank quite a lot of wine, ate a lot of jelly with [...]. I killed my soul with gluttony. The word of the Savior has been fulfilled over me: cares, wealth and the pleasures of life are suppressed and do not bear fruit [Luke 8:14]. Wonderful spiritual wealth is contained in our worship, if we judge it especially by the liturgical books, by its full composition, according to which it should be and is performed in well-maintained monasteries that strictly adhere to the church charter. However, even in the abbreviated form in which it is performed in urban and rural churches, it is very rich in content and edification: it arouses everyone to prayer, and indicates the objects of prayer, it glorifies and glorifies God and His saints and thanks Him for unspeakable blessings. It, according to the Apostle, inspires prayer for all people, for the king and for everyone who is in power [1.2: 1–2]. Christians in the church, according to the Apostle, say 72 to themselves in psalms and songs and spiritual songs [Eph.5:19]. The composition of the divine services in our Church is marvelously beautiful and varied. Here is the whole human soul, with all its weaknesses, falls, with all the feelings of love, gratitude, surprise to its Creator, Provider and Savior, with all its needs. 27. The enemy of the human race extremely cruelly deceived and wounded me today during Matins at the end, instilling in me and putting into my heart hostility towards the priest Father Peter Klepachevsky under the pretext of his late arrival or not coming to Matins at all, his lack of unanimity in the praise of God, and for hostility - fear and fear of him, for the sake of which I did not say my leave at Matins, being greatly embarrassed. But let not the all-evil enemy turn me away from love for my brother and co-servant, for love is the only thing needed and it is the only true sign of true Christianity. By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another [John 13:35]. For a long time I was tormented by the wound of the serpent after Matins, and as soon as through fervent prayer of repentance I was freed from the torment. From now on, let me not cowardly fear the fear of man, abandoning the fear of God, but let me fear and sacred God alone, even as it befits me to speak and create, so I speak and create. For what is the man of whom I fear? Worm, earth and ash. And God is immeasurably great, omnipotent, all-good, beautiful, unchanging, all-righteous and all-holy, all-wise, omnipresent, ever-present, ineffable, omniscient, truly terrible, and no one can resist Him. God! Grant me to see my sins and not condemn my brother 73 and love him and pray for him earnestly. God! May my brother and fellow servant Peter be faithful in piety, in word, in spirit, in faith, in love [1.4:12]. Oh, how great it is to be in the image of God and in the likeness of God! How we must remember and appreciate every moment in ourselves and thank God for this and love Him more than anything else in the world! But in fact, how people often forget this, do not appreciate it and do not love their Creator and Heavenly Father! How great it is that we live in new grace and have received from the Lord grace upon grace [John 1:16], have received rebirth, were born of water and the Spirit and have received sonship and the promise of incorruptible, unspeakable blessings, of which we have also received a pledge! Grant, Lord, that we live worthy of such grace and such hope! May we cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit! Frequent Lord, have mercy reminds us of our constant falls into sin, of incessant guilt and urgently needed repentance at every hour and of the need for God’s mercy, His grace, and His help. The grace of the Sacrament of Baptism is amazing: it renews and revives the one who performs the Sacrament - such is the power of grace! Glory to the Lord! I thank the Lord for heavenly help when I served the liturgy and for the wonderful revival and renewal through the communion of the Holy Mysteries. 28. I thank the Lord for overcoming the scales of voluptuousness that covered my heart, for overcoming confusion, longing, demonic fear, hostility during Matins (yesterday I was visiting Matryona Fedorovna Osetrova and drank good wine, sweet tea with wine. This was extremely harmful for me). Thanksgiving for the good celebration of the Liturgy and for the life-giving communion of the Holy Mysteries. 29. I thank the Lord, who showed me great help during the service of Matins, especially thank you for the help from above during the service of the Liturgy, for the life-giving communion of the Holy Mysteries and for the victory of the devil’s machinations (malice against Olga Murashova, who brought the child to communion) by the power of the life-giving Mysteries and for the unstumbling performance of the Liturgy. I thank the Lord with all my heart for my great help during the single, without a deacon, service of the all-night vigil in the Duma Assumption Church and for quickly hearing my prayer for help. The voice was strong, clear, resonant with the grace of God. October 30. I thank the Lord, who again heard my prayer and gave me the grace to perform the Sunday liturgy alone, without a deacon, and to partake of spiritual peace and to speak my teaching. But serving was difficult mentally, not physically. The demon almost drowned me with sensuality and greed, it was like this: I took two prosphoras for the fraternal account for distribution after mass, these prosphoras were small and inconspicuous; then they brought prosphora from the laity, good, beautiful, soft; I was taken over by envy and greed - why are they better than mine? I wanted to exchange them, but I was ashamed: it was bad, dishonest, and then they were taken out. The demon is making trouble - take the best ones. And for what? After all, I myself am always well-fed and without prosphora. I bowed to the Lord in repentance to the ground, realizing the madness of my passion, my flesh, my old man, whom I myself revived, strengthened with my greed and lust yesterday and the third day and then for a long, long time. As soon as I overcame him by the grace of God, he fiercely rebelled against me. And here you need to pray heartily, act and say - trouble, and that’s all! It was then that I fully realized the harm to the soul and spirit from voluptuousness and satiety! Death, and that’s all! I thank the Lord, who consumed the cruel, disastrous delusion! Yesterday's greed for cabbage soup, for meat, for sweet tea, for milk responded! The soul drowned in them! I felt it. I thank the Lord for a strong chest and a strong voice, for the final victory over ethereal enemies! We burn incense before icons, incense before people as a sign of the grace of the Holy Spirit, which has perfected and fragrant the saints, which drives away the stench of sin from us and instills the fragrance of virtue, meekness, gentleness, patience, abstinence, chastity, mercy, faith, and hope. The priest censes the icon and the people, signifying the unity of all in the Holy Spirit. Amen. The divine service of our Orthodox Church is organized in such a way that its entire structure (especially the evening and morning services) shows the living connection between the earthly Church and the heavenly; The earthly Church daily glorifies and calls upon the saints of the heavenly Church to be intercessors for itself, and the saints, with their prayers for us and their miracles, in general, with their varied assistance in the needs of the members of the earthly Church, benefit them, thus strengthening our faith in their intercession and in the future life, in immortality, hope in God and their prayers and love for the generous God and together for them, His faithful and devoted servants. Come to Mount Zion and the city of the living God, heavenly Jerusalem and the multitude of angels, the triumph and church of the firstborn in heaven, and the Judge of all God and the righteous in spirit, and Jesus, the Mediator of the new Testament. Hebrews 12:22–24. How gratifying this is for a believing soul! Surprise (church glory) - to make marvelous, wonderful, glorify; reveal something amazing. Akathist to the Most Holy Theotokos, ikos 2: Rejoice, many-weeping scab of demons. Translated by priest Vasily Adamenko: “Rejoice, instrument of defeating demons, who caused them many tears.” To strive (obsolete) – to try, to make an effort. Tobacco smoking is a moral weakness and passion that the Church condemns, for this illness, captivating a person (like alcohol), causes dependence on him, upsets health and causes moral, physical and economic harm to its adherents. The reader, however, should understand that a negative attitude towards tobacco in Russian society developed gradually. Trade in tobacco in Russia on a large scale began from the time of Peter I, who, by decree of February 1, 1697, allowed Russian traders to “trade tobacco openly,” which was a serious step towards making it the subject of purchase and sale and counting it as an item of government income. In Muscovite Rus', tobacco was popular only among “streltsy and all sorts of walking people.” Under Peter, tobacco consumption only began to become fashionable at court, in the army and in big cities, and then only among those segments of the population that were affected by the everyday and cultural innovations initiated by the tsar, and who wanted to join European “culture” here too. Peter I, realizing the benefits that could be derived from the tobacco trade, began to develop tobacco production. Tobacco received the right of citizenship in Russia, because it was encouraged for distribution and use by the Tsar himself. Elizaveta Petrovna and Catherine II continued Peter's policy in this regard. Tobacco production and consumption grew year by year. Starting from the middle of the 18th century, tobacco became widespread in St. Petersburg. Wealthy people, craftsmen, military and naval people became addicted to tobacco. In the era of Alexander I, the pipe and cigar began to gradually replace the snuff-box from the everyday life of city residents. An eyewitness wrote: “The passion for smoking flew quickly into our land, and within several years the habit of smoking tobacco and cigars spread not only in St. Petersburg, but throughout Russia, in all classes, in all ranks, at all ages. This passion has become as necessary as food.” The feuilletonist of the “Northern Bee” wrote in 1843: “No more than 35 years ago, smoking tobacco was placed on the same line as drinking alcoholic beverages. Sailors and old soldiers smoked tobacco... When a smoker went to society, he changed his clothes so that the smell of tobacco could not be heard. To say about a person that he smells of tobacco was considered an insult... Times are changing. Now tobacco is smoked not only by the world's leading dandies, lions, but also by ladies! Oh, horror! Ladies smoke tobacco! Little by little, the opinion became stronger that smoking is not only fashionable, but also healthy. The feuilletonist of Illustration wrote in 1845: “Everyone smokes, almost everyone sniffs... With tobacco, people both greet and see off the day pleasantly. The whole world is in smoke - but tobacco, and no one complains about the properties of the overseas potion - on the contrary, everyone tries to create a tobacco atmosphere for themselves, to live and die in it.” St. Petersburg residents viewed smoking primarily as a cure for boredom: “Neither bodily exercises, nor various games, nor singing, nor playing musical instruments... cannot replace smoking simply because they are tiresome,” wrote the author of the brochure “Smoke as much as you want.” From the beginning of the reign of Nicholas I, smoking tobacco on the streets, theaters and public places was prohibited and persecuted by the police in order to avoid fires. But under Alexander II, according to the royal decree of 1860, the sale of pipe tobacco, cigarettes and cigarettes was universally permitted “in establishments where the sale of drinks is permitted,” as well as in greengrocers and confectionery shops. In 1865, smoking was officially legalized on the streets of St. Petersburg, which caused an enthusiastic reaction from contemporaries. Father John, like most of the clergy of his time, fell under the influence of “fashion” and, although irregularly, used tobacco. However, over time, his attitude towards tobacco became negative; he needed a lot of spiritual and physical strength to overcome this illness, which is essentially a passion, with the help of God, and defeat it. On the pages of the diary, the reader will more than once encounter references to the fact that Father John “smoked today.” This does not mean that smoking can be justified from a church point of view. Passing a strict moral verdict on himself for adhering to the passion of tobacco smoking, Father John accomplished a truly feat, because he did it in circumstances when not only secular, but also church society was addicted to this illness and not only did not condemn, but in every possible way promoted its benefits, not paying attention to the physical and moral harm that it causes, as well as the fact that this habit turns into a passion that makes a person a slave of sin. Tune (Church Glorious) – for free. Akathist to the Most Holy Theotokos, Ikos 11. Zeichvarter is the head of the arsenal. Inquisitive (Church Slavic) – prone to verbal debate, argumentative. Osten (Old Russian) – sting, point, thorn, sharp stick. I constantly scratch the stupas of my soul with voluptuousness and remain unhealed, although I don’t even come to my senses, who will? And what will I do? Generous Christ, having healed me, save me. Breviary. Prayer singing for the flood. Canon, canto 4. Evolutions are movements made. Decrepit (Church Glav.) – saddened, embarrassed; gloomy, gloomy. That is, they edify themselves. Image (Church Slavic) – meaning sample, example.