Лечебница духовная

If you repent of sins so that in the future you will not sin in them, then such repentance is true, and God will forgive and forgive and allow them. If you could understand at least a little what the greatest benefit to the soul is brought by injustice and sorrow in general, then you would truly rejoice, and not be sad or murmur. Repent sincerely of cowardice, impatience, murmuring at the unjust act of Mother Abbess, ask the Lord for patience, consider yourself worthily punished for your sins, thank the Lord and pray for the Abbess, so that the Lord will save and have mercy on her. If you take the trouble to do all this, then the lost spiritual benefit through grumbling will be returned to you again. Look at the Beatitudes, and you will see at what height blessed complacency is located in the endurance of sorrows and reproaches. St. Pimen the Great places grateful patience on the same level with true asceticism and obedience in a clear conscience. Patience of everything and thanksgiving to the Lord for this is higher than alms and mercy. Peace be with you. I wish you peace of mind and salvation. You write that they demand tears from you in confession. But it's a little strange. Tears come not when we want, but when the Lord gives them. You must definitely go to confession with the consciousness of your sins, with a feeling of repentance for them and contrition for them. So you need to confess. And you shouldn’t even force yourself to cry. If tears come on their own, then cry. If next time your confessor tells you to cry, then tell him that you have no tears and your heart is hard; and ask him to pray for the gift of tears for you. Maybe they will follow his prayers. You need to humble yourself and reproach yourself, and ask God for patience. Words of self-praise and self-justification always conceal disobedience and pride, which God abhors. After sinning, you immediately have to “run away”, you say: where to? To a quiet haven of heartfelt repentance. Every evening before going to bed, express to God the Knower of the Heart all your mistakes in deed, word, and thoughts, and believe that God accepts your heartfelt repentance. At the same time, try to crush your heart with the memory of sudden death. This is how it happened with us. One hieromonk died on the feast of the Nativity of Christ. All the employees, i.e., hierodeacons and hieromonks, went to congratulate Fr. Archimandrite: we drank tea and other festive consolations. Then we were all in the monastery. Also a treat. We left the monastery at 3.30, and at 4 o’clock one hieromonk was no longer there. It was impossible to think that he would die in an hour. Paralysis fell on the heart, and it became dead. He, of course, will not lose God’s mercy, for he went to the village to serve for obedience, which means he received the Holy Mysteries on the Day of the Three-Day Pascha. But it is an edifying, and even higher, lesson for those living. So you say to yourself: poor Magdalene, come on, your soul will be taken this night; where will you go??? In the letter you repent, listing your sins. Repentance is then true when after it you try harder and harder to live as you should, and without this it is of little value if you repent only to talk about your sins and live as before. Force yourself to be among the first to come to church and to leave among the last, do not abandon your cell rules - then for your zeal and God’s mercy will be towards you. When you see that you are not correcting yourself, but are only adding sins to sins, then you must try to repent of them. Hurry to reveal your spiritual wounds before the Lord and seek permission and forgiveness. And if, after forgiveness, you again fall into the same situation, again resort to repentance, and so on until the end. And God, seeing your work, your repentance, will not leave you without His help and mercy. If He commanded us to forgive a repentant brother seventy times seven times, then will He not Himself grant us more forgiveness when we resort to Him in repentance? And that passions do not recede, this is according to God’s will. The Holy Fathers write that passions and falls humble a person, bring him into contrition of heart, and thereby attract God’s mercy to him. Of course, we must run with all our might and avoid sin, for if we ourselves, through our own negligence, fall into sins, we will only deserve greater condemnation. And in those things that happen involuntarily, or due to our weakness, let us be cleansed by repentance. Avoid pride, for it is the cause of many and severe falls. Humble yourself, reproach yourself, consider yourself the last and worst of all, do not condemn anyone, then you will receive God’s mercy. Force yourself to make peace with your sister, it’s not good to live like that. Every day in the morning tell yourself: perhaps this day is the last day of my life. I will endure out of love for the Lord Jesus Christ, although now no matter what the sorrow may be, and I will forgive everyone who has offended me, so that the Lord will remember me, a great sinner, and have mercy and save me according to His false promise (Luke 14:37). God will judge repentance not by the measure of work, but by the measure of humility. On that terrible Day of Judgment, God will judge us not about the psalms, not for our abandonment of prayer (or any rule), but for the fact that we did not repent! There is great joy for the angels in heaven over one sinner who repents. Let us pray: “Lord, have mercy. Lord, grant me humility and meekness.” Or: “Through these destinies, save me, Lord!” And the Lord, in His mercy, will have mercy and save us all by His grace (Rom. 3:23–24). Every day and every hour make a beginning for correction, and the God of mercy, love for mankind and generosity will give us His helping hand, like St. To the Apostle Peter, drowning in the waves of the sea. You write that because of laziness and fatigue you sometimes do not fulfill the prayer rule, and so you fall asleep and wake up. You must distinguish laziness from fatigue. If you are tired and have fallen asleep from powerlessness, then reproach yourself more before God and repent and humble yourself. If you are not tired, but simply do not want to pray, then this is laziness - you must force yourself to pray, even if it is absent-minded. It is our will to pray with self-compulsion; and praying with tenderness depends on God. We must pray the prayer we can; and for self-compulsion, God will give tenderness in due time, when it pleases Him. You also write that during prayer, some words are especially touching, and you repeat these words several times, and then pray with your own prayers or words. This method of prayer is not denied, but, on the contrary, the Recluse Bishop Theophan encourages such prayer. Or you just cry without reading anything. Still, you should cry at least with the thought that you have angered the Lord immeasurably with your sins and you are afraid of terrible punishment. Sometimes you get distracted during the Jesus Prayer. It's hard to never dissipate. This is characteristic only of the perfect; and you and I are sinful people. On your tongue you say prayer, but on your mind God knows what; and therefore, you think, should you give up prayer in this case. No, don't leave. It is better to eat dry bread than to remain without bread at all. When you start to pray, you bring your sins to mind and mourn them. This is how you should pray. Then sometimes you feel peace and joy, and you think that it is from the enemy. But if there is joy from the enemy, then, as the Holy Fathers noted, it is discordant, not imparting peace and silence to the soul. And do not be surprised that the Lord gives you peace and silence in prayer; for this does not always happen according to merit, but according to the unknown destinies of God. And therefore, when you feel such joy and peace, consider yourself in every possible way unworthy of this gift of God, and reproach yourself in every possible way before the Lord because, due to your negligence, you cannot keep this gift within yourself, and soon you lose it. During fervent prayer, you want to be seen praying. It is demons who instill thoughts of vanity. It's good that you don't stop at them. And henceforth they must be despised. You ask about prayer rules. How should you prescribe them? After all, you are sick. Give you any rule, you probably won’t be able to cope with it and will be embarrassed. In my opinion, it is enough for you if you attend all church services without fail. Perhaps add to this the cell rule, i.e., five hundred. How to implement this rule, ask Mother Magdalene. And at what time to do it, it’s more convenient for you. If it is difficult for you to make great bows, put small ones instead. And in case of illness, in case of need, you can perform this rule without bowing, even while sitting or even lying down. Just say your prayers with attention and diligence... Always say the Jesus Prayer, because calling on the name of the Lord helped even the pagans. Refrain from distraction and idle talk by working with the Jesus Prayer, and save yourself from despondency by crying about your sins. When you are depressed, says the Apostle, pray, and when you are cheerful, then sing psalms and spiritual songs. I'm praying for you. Peace be with you. I received your letter and from its content I see that you voluntarily surrendered to the enemy of our salvation. If you do not force yourself to prayer and sincere humility, then the enemy will completely dominate you. Force yourself to go through 10 Jesus prayers loudly and with attention at each stroke of the clock, and then add more according to your zeal. In church, too, walk through the rosary, at least in a slight whisper, choose a more secluded place and don’t turn your eyes to the sides, but for the fight against thoughts and drowsiness you will receive martyr’s crowns, and the harder the fight, the greater the reward. I wish you God's mercy and spiritual salvation. I received your letter. May the Lord forgive you for the sins and omissions you described and grant you sincere repentance for sins, zeal for correction and peace of mind. There is no need to be despondent, but rather to humble yourself and look down on yourself. But you also need to be forced. And to sleep for 10 hours, and without any particular illness, is indecent. Also, they are not ordered to leave the five hundred, no matter how busy the monk is - this is a duty before God. Going to bed without praying to God is worldly. But the Lord does not reject those who come with repentance, but graciously accepts them, forgives sins and places them in the first order. May the Lord have mercy and forgive. Try more to be humble. Humility covers all shortcomings and forgives sins. You think that the Lord punished you for your sins. Maybe so, or maybe it’s a test of your faith; and most likely for one reason or another. However, be that as it may, your business is to see in the temporary punishment that befell you the goodness of God towards you and love. For the Most Merciful Lord, through temporary sorrows, wants to save you from the most terrible eternal torments, which are scary to think about. Therefore, cry to the Lord with the righteous Job: “Blessed be the Name of the Lord from now to eternity!” You complain about sorrows. Who doesn't have them? Each person has his own sorrows; only to a prying eye they are invisible. Moreover, I will tell you as a consolation that only through endurance of sorrows can you save your soul. The Holy Fathers note: if there were no sorrows, there would be no saints. And the Lord gave us this commandment: “In your patience gain your souls.” May the Lord help you. Work conscientiously, pray to God and ask for patience. Sorrow is a good sign - it shows that we are on a narrow path. Humble yourself more and reproach yourself. Do not be embarrassed by your ill health and your cramped circumstances - this is the path of monastic life for everyone who wants and seeks spiritual salvation. Saint John Climacus says that if a monk experiences sorrow and illness, then this is a sure sign that this is of great spiritual benefit to him. Therefore, our invisible enemies, through thoughts, try to oust such a person from the place he occupies. But you should not give in to them; but we must endure whatever comes our way, certainly calling on God’s help and humbling ourselves before the Lord and people, that is, considering ourselves worse and more sinful than everyone else in the world. Be patient, sister, consoling yourself with the fact that for enduring sorrows the Lord has prepared eternal, unspeakable joy. Sometimes, when you are depressed in spirit, tell yourself the teaching of our elder Father Ambrose: “Moses endured, Elisha endured, Elijah endured, and I will endure.” Remember also that none of the people without sorrows has inherited eternal life. Let people reproach you and call you names one way or another. They themselves do not know what they are doing. Pray for them with this prayer: “Save, O Lord, and have mercy on Your handmaids (names), and on them for the sake of St. prayers, have mercy on me too, a sinner.” Such a prayer is soothing. You write that there are sorrows and sorrows, and all you think about is that there is no end to your sorrows. And sorrows lead to heaven: this is how God arranged it to cleanse sins and prevent major transgressions, and to obtain an ever-joyful, blissful life in heaven. And you are offended by God that He seems to be forcibly dragging you to Paradise. And you often, often compare these short-lived sorrows with the endless fiery torments of hell that you have earned through your sins. Come to your senses and say: “Lord, I thank You for the sorrows. These sorrows are not enough for me, a sinner, send me more of them, just deliver me from hellish eternal torment and endless torment.” You write that there are faulty ones between the sisters. I wrote to Mother Superior, and I am writing to you, that it is impossible to do without this, that among the 12 Apostles surrounding the Lord there was one traitor. And the old proverb went like this: “There’s a black mark in a family.” Patience is required everywhere; for, according to the word of the Lord, “he who endures to the end will be saved.” And if there are no sorrows - and there is nothing to endure, then why save us? After all, the Kingdom of Heaven is not given to those lying on their sides, but only to those who work and endure sorrow. You should pray for those at war like this: “Save, Lord, and have mercy on Your servants, sisters (names), and for the sake of their holy prayers, have mercy on me, a sinner.” If you pray like this, you will be calmer. Grieve also that you received trouble from Mother Vyacheslava. Firstly, I must tell you that unpleasant incidents in this life cannot be avoided. And secondly, those experienced in spiritual life say that such cases can even benefit the soul. Namely: through unpleasant incidents we learn that we are impatient, and if we are impatient, it means we are proud. And this knowledge should dispose us to self-reproach and repentance, and prayerfully ask the Lord for mercy. Without unpleasant incidents, a person is prone to conceit. Therefore, do not be embarrassed, Mother, by such cases. In conclusion, I will tell you: do not take the misfortunes that happen to heart, remembering the wise proverb: “God will not allow it, the pig will not eat it.” Although dissatisfied nuns rebel against you, they cannot do anything to you without God’s permission. Insults from their side must, of necessity, be endured, because something must be endured for sins, if not here, then in the future life. Only in the future life the sorrows are very terrible. May the Lord deliver us from them with His grace and love for mankind. Don’t give up your insistence. I received your letter in which you describe your sorrows. This is God's determination. He said: “You will be sorrowful in the world. But dare, I have overcome the world,” that is, endure with trust in God’s help, and your sorrows will be transformed into joy. The Lord said: “In your patience ye will win your souls”; if we do not endure sorrows, and if we do endure it, but with grumbling, with anger, with vexation, with irritation, then what kind of patience is this? This is only the rooting of malice, anger, and from this pride. It is not surprising that the monk endures sorrows that the world does not know. The path to the Kingdom of Heaven is narrow and thorny, along which the Savior of the world Himself walked first... There is no other way into it except the narrow and regrettable one (for a short time). So, my joy, a monk should not look at sorrows and labors, but at what follows the sorrows: there is unspeakable eternal joy, there the light of the Trisolar Deity never, never ceases to cheer those who suffer in the vale of the earth. You write about your sorrows... And who doesn’t have them? Only he who is already in heaven has no sorrows. And we are in a deplorable vale, therefore, while we are clothed in mortal flesh, it is natural for us to grieve and even cry over the cruel sins we have committed. And only by weeping, and only by prayer, and only by sincere repentance will we reach that blessed country in which St. a prudent robber... By the way, whoever here only grieved, was sick and suffered, will only be awarded eternal joy and peace. Having described your sorrowful circumstances, you ask me, a sinner, whether I should give up my leadership. Without a doubt, you want to leave your boss in order to avoid grief. But where can you hide from them? And which of the people lives without sorrows? It is not for nothing that our earthly life is called the vale of tears. When changing place, sorrows can only change, but this cannot make it any easier; but, on the contrary, sorrows can worsen, as spiritually experienced people said: if you run from a wolf, you will end up with a bear. And our Lord Jesus Christ in the Holy Gospel nowhere commanded his followers to flee from sorrows, but always taught patience, saying: in your patience you will gain your souls; and: he who endures to the end will be saved. And he called those who endure reproach, persecution and all kinds of sorrows blessed. And all the saints of God achieved eternal life through a sorrowful path. And therefore, you, most honest mother, if you want to be ignorant of Christ in the palace of heaven, do not refuse to bear the yoke of leadership placed on you by the Lord Himself; or better yet, surrender yourself to His Holy Spirit. will, for without His will nothing happens to us. You complain of poor health; but the power of God is made perfect in weakness. You ask me, a sinner, whether sick sisters, as prescribed by the doctor, should eat fast food. Whatever they themselves wish, let them use with repentance; and those who do not wish should not be forced; for we see from experience that modest food does not always bring benefit to sick monks. You yourself wrote that some sisters feel sick from fast food. What will be the benefit of taking this food in this case? One must eat the kind of food that nature asks for. You also write about yourself that you are also unwell, and the sisters are pestering you to allow you to eat fish during Lent. My opinion is this: for now, adhere to the advice of our late Father Fr. Ambrose: “eat potatoes with faith.” At the same time, it would be good for you to communicate the Holy Mysteries of Christ more often through this post, at least every week. Due to illness you can only fast for one day, for example. heels, and join in on Saturday. The late Father Fr. Ambrose, no matter how ill he was, did not allow fish during Lent. Another example: Fr. lived with us in Optina in retirement. Archimandrite Yuvenaly (now Archbishop of Vilna). He once had to celebrate Lent sick. In bewilderment, he said: “What will I eat now?” And yet he still didn’t allow me to fish. However, I will add to this: look at your bodily strength - if from day to day they noticeably weaken, in this case you can somewhat adhere to the doctor’s advice, with repentance and self-reproach. In extreme cases, Father Fr. Ambrose used to repeat the popular proverb: “Beat the sieve, if the sieve doesn’t fit.” What you eat extra during Lent is nothing. After all, you are not doing this out of whim, but out of need. However, still reproach yourself, repent and humble yourself. And there is nothing reproachful here that, out of weakness, you read the prayer while lying down at night and perform the rosary. Self-reproach, repentance and humility are not superfluous here either. Ask your teacher for permission to eat fish during Lent. Sin cannot be allowed. But if she feels weak in strength, then she can use something for reinforcement beyond what is prescribed with self-reproach, and then she must repent to the Lord before her spiritual father and receive permission from him according to the order of the Holy Church. Warn her to moderate her jealousy... Otherwise, she might get sick. The letter made me a little happy and a little sad. But it is clear that one joy in the future awaits those who grieved here for the sake of Christ. That the outer buildings are being erected, then glory and thanksgiving to the Lord, may the Lord help you to complete everything and rejoice in the works of your hands. But what is wrong inside is very sad. Pray to God, ask Him for patience and do not lose heart. Do everything for the sake of God, not for the sake of something temporary, and the Lord will never leave you and will not forget your labors. Everyone must endure, everyone has sorrows, without them you will not enter into peace. There is no need for you to think about Shamordin, the Lord expects from you labors and exploits to save many, and for this he is preparing a reward. And He will, and you will be in Shamordin. Pray and submit to His will. Our future is in the hands of God. And it is impossible to live a century without temptations. If not this, then something else, if not something else, then something else. That is why the Lord warns: “Be prepared.” However, if you always prayerfully resort to the Lord, with hope in His mercy, then you will always receive timely help from Him... Do not neglect Revelation as a very important cure for the infection of sin. Do not despise the sisters who come to you for advice and consolation. First, sigh prayerfully to the Lord and say mentally: “Lord, for the prayers of the sisters who came to me, make me understand my madness to say a word for her benefit.” And say what God puts on your heart, while reproaching yourself for the fact that you teach people, but you yourself do not fulfill what you teach, and pray in your mind that this will not lead to your condemnation. You write that after communion you felt good - then thank God, who consoles our unworthiness. And what has soon passed, in this too His fatherly Providence for us is visible, for constant consolation relaxes the soul and leads it to laziness, and even to greater harm. That is why the Lord soon takes away and makes us again feel our weakness and powerlessness and sinfulness. We must humble ourselves more, reproach ourselves, bring repentance for our sins, and not desire consolations, but endure indulgences with patience. And for vanity, dryness and cooling are tolerated. Rules of a godly life The Kingdom of God is forced, and no one received it without forcing. You must endure the hardships of others, and to do this, ask the Lord for patience. Try to get rid of various passions, and when your heart becomes peaceful towards everyone, then life will be easy everywhere. If you are angry at someone in vain, then, according to the word of the holy Apostle, you are a murderer. We need to pray for those who offend us, for those who for some reason do not like us, following the example of the Savior Himself. Hurry to come to every church service before the beginning and do not leave until the end, otherwise you will not receive God’s grace to help you and you will always have a petrified insensibility of heart. During the service, try not to miss anything that is read or sung, otherwise you will be absent-minded. You yourself know what is bad and what is good, and therefore try to stick to the good and shy away from the bad. Always ask for God’s help, for it is said: “Without Me you cannot do anything.” If you keep your belly from satiety and pleasure, and your body from excessive rest, the Lord will soon help you work more for your soul than for your body. You will give an answer to the Lord for yourself, and therefore be careful: do not please the body too much, otherwise you will prepare for it eternal fire. You probably forgot about eternal peace in the Kingdom of Heaven, and those who endured to the end will endlessly enjoy that peace, for only one can enter there through many sorrows. Or do you never remember how the Savior, the Mother of God and all the Saints lived and endured? Why do you grumble unreasonably and thereby ruin your crowns? Or do you not believe in a future life? Don’t watch how the rich man lives, but rather imitate poor Lazarus - and after death your soul will be carried by the Angels to Abraham’s bosom. You write that you love the 7th week no less than the Bright Week, then this is how it should be, for it remembers the saving suffering of the Lord for the sake of our salvation. It’s always useful to think about the soul, and it’s also a good idea at Easter. And if joy is not perfect, then, apparently, sins still prevent it from happening. We must reproach ourselves and humble ourselves more, considering ourselves unworthy of joy. And humility is more valuable than all other virtues, and spiritual joy itself. I received your letter and I pray that the Lord will enlighten your mind. Do not look for your own path to the Kingdom of Heaven, but follow the narrow path along which the Lord leads you. Take a better look at your life and compare it with the life that you are obliged to live under your vow of monasticism - then you will certainly see that you live not in sorrows, but in coolness. Uncomplaining patience alone will save us weak ones, and if we reject this last resort, then we will inherit not salvation, but destruction. Be diligent in prayer and obedience, not for any gain, but solely for the sake of God - then everything will be given to you that now you cannot do, and then all this will come to you on its own. Invoking the peace and blessing of God, I remain with sincere goodwill. You write that you are bored with earthly life. Have you forgotten what awaits sinful people in the afterlife? After all, it is a million times more difficult and sorrowful there than on earth, and those who somehow live here will not be allowed into God’s paradise. Therefore, one must first earn the remission of sins through repentance and tears and ask God to grant mercy at His Last Judgment. It would be better to punish him here, but not send him away to eternal torment, deserved by daily sins. Humble yourself and correct yourself, consider yourself the worst in the world. If the saints, who had achieved dispassion, had to have vigil over themselves so as not to fall from their state of grace, then all the more do we, sinners, need daily attention and concern for our eternal salvation. The fact that we are still alive means that the Lord tolerates our sins and awaits our correction, and if someone legitimately works for salvation, then the Lord takes him at the time when he becomes worthy of God’s mercy. Death takes the lazy and careless after they stop giving any hope for their salvation. We are given the freedom to choose eternal joy or sorrow; let us strive to choose the first. Peace be with you. The sin of condemnation or any other sin - against the authority placed by God - is a grave sin. St. Apostle Paul, in his letter to Timothy, as the head and leader of many spiritual sheep and their shepherds, advises him not to accept accusations against the priests, and therefore against elders in general, only in the presence of two or three witnesses. But you are not the boss and, therefore, you don’t even dare talk about the actions of your immediate superiors. The boss will give an answer for her sins and the sins of her subordinates, but if these subordinates, instead of praying for their mother to God to send her strength and reason to continue such difficult obedience, begin to resist her and condemn her, then the whole burden of sins will fall on them. Remember the execution of Korah and Dathan and their host, which is also mentioned in the psalms of the holy prophet David. And now it is no longer the opening of the earth and not the heavenly fire that awaits the opponents of power, but the abyss of hell and its eternal flame. It is not becoming for monks to rebel; their virtue and nobility consists of humility, silence, meekness, obedience and patience with all evils and troubles until the grave. For God's sake, get away from all those who rise up to power, even if you saw the boss sinning with your own eyes, but do not judge, but cover with silence, and the Lord will cover your many sins. Peace be with you. Listen to my advice given to you by Bose. Father o. When he was bored, Ambrose used to say this: “The grandson is boredom, and the daughter is lazy, to drive her away, work hard in business, don’t be lazy in prayer, boredom will pass, and diligence will come, and if you add patience and humility to this, then you will save yourself from all troubles and evils.” Try applying this advice to yourself and you will see the benefits. Confess your sins not to the priest, but to the Lord Himself, only without concealment, from the bottom of your heart. The priest represents a mediator between you and God, and therefore the benefit of confession depends on your sincerity. If you confess to a miracle worker, but cunningly, then there will be no benefit to your soul, and vice versa. It is so sinful to think about priests in the sacrament of repentance. Not every priest can give the necessary advice to monastics, and that’s all, and your confession has nothing to do with it. You described your sins, which means you know that you shouldn’t do them, and for this, ask the Lord for help, humble yourself, don’t judge anyone, but only yourself, keep your eyesight and other senses from temptation, through which all kinds of garbage enter your soul. If you force yourself, then with the help of God you will correct yourself, but there will be no peace on earth - it is for all the saints in heaven. In your letter you wrote that you take on feats beyond your strength, and then you fall into despair. But what kind of impossible feats are these? I don’t want to get up at night and bow three times before St. icons? It's just laziness. However, I’ll also say this: no one is forcing you to do this. Therefore, when you wake up at night, cross yourself with prayer, reproach yourself for laziness and fall asleep again. At least don’t wake up the morning, that’s good. And you shouldn’t be embarrassed that you live poorly; and instead of embarrassment, reproach yourself for laziness and repent - daily before God, and in due time, before your spiritual father. You are amazed how the saints spent their nights in prayer. They were saints, and you and I are sinners; and sinners cannot be equal to saints. Are you standing absent-mindedly in church? Learn little by little not to get distracted. To do this, try to listen carefully and delve into the meaning of reading and singing. Also, remember more often about death, the Judgment of God and eternal torment. And don’t give freedom to your eyes. Look more at St. icons, but looking at people is harmful to the soul. Can't bear an offensive word? In this case, reproach yourself more and humble yourself, considering yourself the worst of all people. About leniency towards others and being demanding of oneself Your senior priest confuses you, saying that everyone should tell the truth. And our late Father Fr. Ambrose taught this: to adhere to the truth in relation to oneself, that is, to torture all truth from oneself, to judge one’s deeds, words and thoughts as strictly as possible; and try to show every kindness to your neighbors, if only, of course, this can be done without mental harm to them and those around them. This is how he interpreted the words of Holy Scripture: “All the ways of the Lord are mercy and truth,” as can be seen in his biography. Although they don’t read the Psalter for babies, if they do, there’s nothing contrary here. Regarding suicides, the rules of the Holy Church prohibit reading. However, here we must look at the reasons why suicide was committed. Perhaps the person was not in his right mind, or because of his youth he could not understand the severity of sin and the like. Then leniency could be made. And what you did, it seems that this caution of yours cannot be blamed. You ask: what can you do to consider yourself as nothing? Thoughts of arrogance come, and it is impossible for them not to come. But they must be countered with thoughts of humility. As you do, remembering your sins and various shortcomings. Continue to do so and always remember that our entire earthly life must be spent in the fight against evil. In addition to considering your shortcomings, you can also be humble in this way: “I have nothing good of mine, and I don’t have any advantages of my own. My body is not mine, it was created by God in my mother’s womb. The soul was given to me from the Lord. Therefore, all mental and physical abilities are gifts of God. And my property is only my countless sins, with which I have daily angered and anger the Merciful Lord. What should I be vain and proud of after this? Sins and negligence? And with such reflections, prayerfully ask for mercy from the Lord. In all sinful inclinations there is only one remedy - sincere repentance and humility. He who endures to the end will be saved We must try to be meek and humble, and then taking the yoke of Christ will be a blessing and a light burden. Care for the sick as for Christ himself, and for this you will receive salvation and on earth you will be delivered from difficult passions. Do not abandon the sick one, otherwise the Lord will send another one - a kind one, and you will lose the reward prepared for you. The enemy attacks more because your obedience is very distasteful to him, and maybe he, being a sneaky one, has noticed the end is near and wants to deprive you of the reward. Whoever does something for a bribe, what else will he be rewarded for? Whoever willingly makes tuna for Christ’s sake will receive from Him a hundred times more and inherit eternal life. For your voluntary work, it is not man who will owe you, but God Himself. Learn to be silent anymore, then you will not sin and condemn. When you stop grumbling and serve the sick more diligently for God’s sake, you will get rid of your illness not only of the body, but also of the soul. If, after your correction, the illness does not leave you, it means that for your patience, I will give you a crown in the future life for an infinite time. Be patient. Life will pass like a dream. With faith, without a doubt, anoint the sore spots with holy oil, as I blessed before, and the Lord will give relief according to your faith. You complain that you can't look at your sister. Drive out this demon from your heart with bows to the ground to your sister and ask her to pray for you, so that you will be more humble, more respectful with your sister, and if you do not do as I advise you, then you will always be embarrassed, because the evil spirit will always possess you, if you do not drive him out with humble bows to your sister. Have pity on yourself, humble yourself, and God willing, you will be at peace, otherwise you will perish. Don't fight off Optina. I believe that everyone who comes to Optina Pustyn in their extreme need will find satisfaction by the grace of God and through the prayers of our great fathers - Leo, Macarius, Ambrose... They raised many, many spiritually for the Heavenly Fatherland. Even now they do not cease to spiritually educate and help - especially those who come to Optina to venerate their holy remains.