В Кронштадт, к батюшке

He always had the spirit of joyful glorification of God, like us sinners on the day of Holy Easter; no cries of repentance were heard from him; he rejoiced more than he grieved; He, apparently, had already prayed for his sins in his youth, and this grace-filled, spiritual victory over sin, the devil and the world constantly rejoiced in him... Seeing such a person, hearing this blessed Christian, praying with this great shepherd of the Church of Christ was a great spiritual pleasure for the Russian people. Father John passed before us in his life as a bearer of the conquering and triumphant faith. That is why people were so irresistibly drawn to him, thirsted for him so much. Each of them seemed to say to himself: “Even though I am weak and full of sins; but behold, there is a righteous man in the world who overcomes our sinful nature; There is such a Christian soul that has overcome everything and received the grace-filled power of great prayerful boldness, which alone triumphs over the beauty of the sweetest Jesus...” His Eminence Anthony, Archbishop of Volyn Priest John Popov. Trip to Kronstadt to visit Father John (Extract from the diary of a village priest) How good you feel when you are renewed in spirit... And, if not for everyday prudence, and sometimes direct need, you should make a pilgrimage every year at least to the nearest shrine. In another world, my soul soared and blissed in an indescribably, inexplicably wonderful way... What an edifying impression is made on the soul, especially on the soul of a rural man in the street, especially on a soul pre-purified by confession, the performance of worship “according to the order” and the external splendor of the church of God! The Lord honors the pilgrim with such unearthly happiness. Thanks be to God! I was also a pilgrim. I was happy: for a small material deprivation I received spiritual wealth from the Lord. This is what I want to share with the readers. 1892, January 21 (evening), 22, 23 and 24 (morning) I was in Kronstadt, with Father John. Everyone knows his name and his deeds. Much has been written about him. But I think that my simply stated lines will not be devoid of at least a small amount of edification and interest. I am making extracts from the diary I kept during my trip to Kronstadt. After spending the night in St. Petersburg, I rush to Kronstadt. For 33 kopecks I traveled by rail to Oranienbaum; here I hired a cab driver for 40 kopecks. What a solemn train it was to Kronstadt by sea! The road on the ice is flat and straight, with pillars, with booths, and along this line, in single file, from Oranienbaum itself to Kronstadt, for eight miles, almost continuously stretched carts of cabs with passengers: they ride in one horse, ride in twos, in threes, sleighs of all kinds, as well as the cabbies themselves - Russian, Chukhons, as well as the horses themselves - Russian and Chukhon breed. Hundreds of carts travel to Kronstadt, overtake each other, and all “to Father.” Occasionally they go back and forth: here comes a frisky pair of horses with a sled, and in them sits a military man and next to him a woman, and the latter has covered her face with a handkerchief. “That’s right, he’s crying,” I thought. The closer I got to Kronstadt, the more and more a joyful feeling came over me. Here is Kronstadt: the surface of the land on which the city is located is almost even with the surface of the sea; a whole forest of masts of wintering ships and chimneys of factories are visible. At the very entrance to the city, helpful apartment owners greet guests: “Come to us, come to us: Father visits us every day,” even the cab driver offers the same kind of service, but I, having previously stocked up on the address of the deceased apartment, strictly order the cab driver to take me to Andreevskaya Street, to the apartment opposite the gate of Father John. Here is St. Andrew's Cathedral... Thank God! Here is the house of Father John! What a joy it is to see with your own eyes what you have read so much about!.. Spiritual greatness is modestly presented in appearance. Here is the gate to the courtyard, where the inscription reads: “Church house of St. Andrew’s Cathedral”; on both sides of the gate there is something like a large front garden behind a high wooden lattice; in the courtyard you can see a two-story stone house with an iron roof, and in it, on the second floor, in several rooms, lives “he”, of interest to thousands of Christians - Father John. I enter the apartment; The hostess welcomes you warmly and offers you a room for an inexpensive price. Inspecting the new temporary home. Everything speaks of “dear Father”: in all the rooms, except for the icons with burning lamps, large portraits of Father John with his own inscriptions hang on the walls, in good frames; on the tables, under the icons, are porcelain vases with water for the holy water service. Visitors arrive and are accommodated, some in a common room, some in special ones. The nature of the life together between the visitors is purely family, even with a religious and pious connotation: everyone is united by one thought, one desire to see “dear Father” as soon as possible, to pray, to talk with him... About four o’clock in the evening. It's time for Vespers. Let's go to the cathedral; about half a mile to it from our apartment and the house of Father John; and I remembered what I had read in the biography of Father John that he could not walk this half-mile, but he absolutely had to go so as not to be delayed by the crowd. I approach the cathedral; on its fence there is a so-called “street” library: framed, behind glass, on one side of the cathedral there are “Trinity Leaves”, and on the other there is information about the “Water Rescue Society”. I enter the cathedral: clean, spacious, bright, with three altars. Vespers began; on the choir there was a reader and three or four singers; Father John is not here: he left for St. Petersburg. After Vespers I return to the apartment. At about 6 o’clock in the evening the hostess says: “Would anyone like to go to Akathist?” I inquired to know more details about this; It turns out that akathists are being read in the house of the merchant Bykov, read by the “lord” (not a spiritual person). We’re going to the Akathist: there were quite a few people in our apartment who wanted to listen to it. We enter the house of merchant Bykov. What appears to our eyes is something like a chapel: a large prayer room, in front there are many icons in a row, like an iconostasis in a church, with many burning lamps and candles. There were already a lot of people, and everyone was singing something. I squeeze through the crowd forward to the bars; I see the “master” - an old man, who, as it turned out later, is not the owner of the house, but simply a reader “with the blessing of Father.” I stand and listen: they sing “Bless the Lord, my soul,” “Blessed is the man,” “I have cried to the Lord,” “Quiet Light,” “Vouchsafe, O Lord.” The reader then turns to the crowd and says: “I just received from Moscow the little book “My Life in Christ” - extracts from the diary of our Father John; Let's read from it." And he read the preface and several pages of the said book. There was also a reading of an akathist to the Most Holy Trinity, with all those present singing “Holy, Holy...” and “Hallelujah.” I also read an akathist to Saint Mitrofan. In a word, this pastime reminded me of our village non-liturgical interviews and I really liked it. This ended the first day, or rather the first evening of my stay in Kronstadt. “He is all in God and apparently pleasing to God!” - this is the general expression of that enthusiastic feeling that covers everyone who had the good fortune to be close to Father John of Kronstadt. Thank God that the Lord has deigned me, a sinner, to be near the venerable Father, to see him, to listen to him, and even to be his prayer companion. I was so happy that Father John was not only at home, but also had his week of service, whereas on another week he could serve the liturgy, for example, in St. Petersburg. Let me begin by describing them in order. Having risen from sleep, having read the rule for Communion of the Holy Mysteries, at 5:30 am I go to the cathedral. Beggars are already scurrying along the street. I enter the cathedral: it is still empty and dark; Only the teacher's box has lighting and people. People arrive and rush to take a place closer to the bars, near the salt. I had just managed to inquire from the psalm-reader whether it would be possible for me to serve the liturgy together with Father John, and I found out that Father John was pleased with this. I had just managed to take off my outer warm dress and stand at the side northern doors of the altar, when I saw: still in the twilight, like a shadow, a clergyman in a cold (summer) duckweed, of small stature, flashed by, and straight to the throne, fell prostrate, stopped for a few moments in in a prayerfully motionless kneeling position, venerated the throne, and just as quickly walked to the altar... It’s him, Father John! I guessed and was not mistaken. Some secular, intelligent persons had already made their way into the altar and, through psalm-readers, laid memorial notes on the altar. Father John hastily looked through the notes; Noticing the presence of unfamiliar personalities in the altar, he approached them, stopped for a few seconds, blessed them and listened to their requests. Father John came up to me, shook hands as usual, asked where I was from and who I was, and I asked permission to take part in the service. Meanwhile, another priest began Matins in a side chapel. New and new faces arrive at the altar, who try at every step, in every place to catch, stop Father John, express their requests to him... When Father John notices that there is too much vanity in the altar, then, probably, fearing to be distracted by thoughts and distracted by attention from internal prayer, he quickly goes, as if not paying attention to anyone, to the third side altar, where there is no service, hides there and, falling prostrate before the throne or leaning his elbows on the altar, he prays fervently inwardly for several minutes; again returns to the main altar, and again annoying requests from different sides. While I was reading the prayers of the lamp, I heard the canon already beginning on the choir, the irmos was sung and someone was reading so unusually - originally. “This is him,” I thought, noticing the absence of Father John in the altar, and moved to the southern doors. The position is the most comfortable: I see the face of Father John and hear him reading... So what? I traveled one and a half thousand miles here to learn something from Father John, and here is his reading - inimitable reading! (But one can and should imitate a lot of things from Father John.) Father John reads exactly as he talks, talks with God, the Mother of God and the saints. Voice – second tenor – clear, sonorous; the pronunciation is articulate, distinct, abrupt: Father John will say one word in a patter, another drawn out, almost breaking it down syllable by syllable; at the same time, Father John’s whole being is so imbued with the thoughts contained in the reading that he cannot resist making the most expressive gestures; he is restless: it is as if a blessed smile shines on his lips when reading, for example, about the heavenly glory of God, the Mother of God and the saints of God, then it is as if righteous anger breaks from his lips, especially when reading the words “Satan”, “devil”, then Father John bends his head towards the book itself, then shakes it so majestically, so wonderfully solemnly, then, finally, while singing the irmos or During the litany, Father John, if he does not sing along with the singers, kneels on one or both knees right there on the choir, covers his face with his hands and tenderly prays, prays, prays fervently. This fervent prayer is the fault of the just described gestures of Father John, and they do not at all testify to some kind of painful nervous state of Father John, as they erroneously wrote somewhere. After the sixth song and litany, Father John exclaims: “Kondak!” - and reads it. Having finished reading the canon, Father John quickly enters the altar and falls before the throne; Having strengthened himself with prayer, he goes back to the choir and reads “stichera on the verse.” At the first hour, we, six priests, led by Father John, left the altar, performed “entrance prayers” and began to put on our vestments. Father John was the first to put on his clothes and began to perform the proskomedia. We all read the names on the notes, Father John himself reads some of them, and more often than not, taking particles out of the prosphoras, he prays aloud: “Remember, Lord, those who brought them, and for the sake of bringing them... remember everyone by name, you yourself weighed their names...” Whole baskets of prosphoras were carried to the side altar, and there two priests took out the particles. In a kamilavka, with a shining cross and a chain on his chest, with a slight blush on his face from inner warm prayer, stood our abbot and a strong prayer book. Here he suddenly, unexpectedly, impulsively takes the holy altar cross and kisses it with love, or rather kisses it: he hugs it with both hands, looks at it so tenderly, his lips whisper a prayer, kisses it three or four times with both his cheek and his forehead!.. When exclamating at the liturgy, Father John has the same intonation of voice as when reading the canon at Matins, although he utters some exclamations in a drawn-out manner, but with such an effort in his voice, with such a tender gaze of his eyes at the high place, or even with his eyes closed and deep within himself, that it is impossible to stand near him indifferently at these moments. During the Liturgy, Father John is not only internally, but also externally calm: his attention is entirely focused on the Mysteries of Christ that will soon be on the throne, and his body is, as it were, chained to the throne. Father John hardly touches the missal; He reads all the prayers in a low voice from memory. The closer the minutes of the transubstantiation of the Holy Gifts come, the more and more elevated the mood of the soul is reflected in the voice and face of Father John. After the Cherubic Song, Father John soon finished the prayer prescribed in the service book, leaned his elbows on the throne, clasped his face in his hands, and pressed his forehead to the veil, which hid the Holy Gifts that were soon to be given away: Father John hid himself from the prying eyes of people, he seemed frozen in this position, and his soul burned with the fire of prayer... A wondrous moment! An unforgettable picture! And this is for us, those around the throne, but what did his soul feel? It was grief - she ascended to the sky! Now Father John rose up, as if he had come to his senses, and again his lips expressed the prayer of his heart. “Woe are our hearts!” - Father John exclaims, turning to the Royal Doors and to the people, raising his hands to the mountain, - and immediately lowers them: as if his body wants to fly with wings to where his spirit hovers... “We thank the Lord! It is worthy and righteous to worship...” Father John exclaims again, the first words louder, and the last quieter, and begins the prayer. “Take, eat, this is My Body,” Father John places special emphasis and raises his voice on the word “Body” and solemnly points with his finger. With the exclamation “Yours from Yours,” Father John placed a special emphasis in his voice on the word “oh everything”: his soul feels the burden of the burden that everyone asking for his prayers places on him, and so he himself asks God for strengthening of his weak flesh. “Transformed by Your Holy Spirit! Amen!" - Father John proclaims in a sincerely believing tone and, as if for greater reassurance of those present at the altar, he adds: “God has appeared in the flesh!..” And something else was whispered from his lips, I caught with my ears the expression: “Surrounded by angelic armies!..” But even without words, from all the features of Father John’s face it is clearly visible that he is completely occupied with the Holy Mysteries, this is the favorite topic of his prayerful reflections and in the diary. By the way, Father John shows this reverence for the Holy Mysteries in the fact that countless times slowly, without the sign of the cross, he bows his head before the great Mysteries in the depths of his sincere humility... Oh, it’s not in vain that I most often mention sincerity in Father John’s prayer... It’s a pity, it’s a shame to remember that there are people who don’t believe this sincerity! They themselves have never experienced what sincere, fervent prayer means, and they do not want to see it in others. Meanwhile, is there room for suspicion here? Complete unselfishness and impartiality are the surest guarantee that Father John, his life, his prayer are “the most amazing sign of the times,” as the late Most Reverend Nikanor, Archbishop of Kherson, put it. Is there any place for some kind of pretense of a wondrous shepherd? Come to your senses, blasphemers!.. Think about yourself: are you not partly like those contemporaries of the Savior who called Him - the Savior, the Most Holy Truth - “Beelzebub”? There should be temptations here too, but woe to those, temptation comes from them!.. So Father John partook of the Body and then the Blood of Christ and, standing away from the throne, while we were approaching to receive communion, he prayed again - the tender gaze of his eyes would first lift up the mountain, then lower it down... Father John began to crush the parts of the Lamb for the communion of the laity; and here, although no prayers are prescribed in the service book, but so that during such a holy task, God forbid, the soul would not be confused by idle thoughts, Father John again whispers a prayer, and fragmentary expressions from the canon of Simeon Logothet “On the crucifixion of the Lord and the lament of the Most Holy Theotokos” reach my ears. The liturgy is over. Father John, without unmasking, quickly goes to the table near the altar, collects the sacrifices - ruble and larger pieces of paper, hastily and carelessly puts them in his pocket, hurries through the southern doors to the choir and here dresses up the readers and singers; the latter, especially boys, rush to kiss the hand of the benefactor. And new petitioners for blessings and prayer help are already waiting in the side altar doors; Noticing them, Father John quickly passes through the Royal Doors and, having prayed before the throne, then hastily listened to the requests of the persons standing in the altar, going out for the same thing to the soleya, at different ends of it, and begins a prayer service. Father John performs the prayer service quickly, and yet his prayer is fruitful. In this particular place, I consider it useful to quote an excerpt from Father John’s diary about prayer: “Is it possible to pray hastily without harming your prayer? It is possible for those who have learned inner prayer with a pure heart... But for those who have not acquired heartfelt prayer, they must pray slowly.” And so Father John, having already acquired the most precious gift from God - heartfelt internal prayer, hastily fulfills its external ritual form. And I often deal with casuistic questions in my pastoral practice, I pursue the letter, and ignore the “spirit”. Woe to me, lazy one! The prayer service performed by Father John was without an akathist. Father John read the Gospel again in the same conversational tone and, having finished this reading, exclaimed with a sincere feeling of gratitude: “Glory to Thee, Lord, glory to Thee!” He allowed almost no one to approach the Gospel and the Cross. Now whoever is free can leave the church of God, but Father John remains with his “friends” and “children”. Attention! A general confession begins, one of the most amazing phenomena in the Kronstadt moral world. Having undressed, I stood on the left choir, where some intelligent people were standing. After the initial exclamation of Father John, a young psalmist with a strong voice reads clearly and quickly the “Sequence on Confession.” Father John emerges from the altar onto the pulpit in a humble form, without a kamilavka... He speaks a lesson about repentance. Both this and that, and the third are expensive here: who speaks, what they say, and how they say it. Directly, without the usual “In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit,” Father John twice began his teaching in front of me like this: “Sinners and sinners like me! You came to this church to bring repentance for your sins to the Lord Jesus Christ our Savior...” Having said a few heartfelt words, Father John declares: “Listen... I will read prayers of repentance.” And - he reads!.. Indescribably, inexpressibly well, Father John reads these prayers. “God our Savior...” calls out Father John, looking touchingly at the icon of the Savior. Father John reads these words drawn out, breaking them down into syllables, turning to the people, and then... Ah! What amazing gestures Father John makes every time at the word “these” or “them”: either with his entire open right hand he leads those praying over the heads of the bottom of the pulpit, or - what is even more expressive - as a prophet of a formidable and righteous Judge, he points his finger into the crowd, in one direction or another... Oh, how touching, touching and at the same time scary it comes out when you involuntarily remember your moral impurity. Having read the prayer, Father John declares that it needs to be “interpreted,” and continues again to talk about repentance: how the kings David and Manasseh mentioned in the prayer sinned, how they repented and how we need to repent. The teaching is apparently simple in expression, uncomplicated in its presentation and, however, original in everything: in the word, in the presentation, and in the pronunciation itself. I noticed that with special love Father John pronounces the name of the Savior or the Holy Trinity and to this name he will certainly add three or four epithets with a gradual rise and emphasis of his voice on each word. However, one can guess that Father John has some special secret that has a strong effect on the hearts of his listeners. Father John began to read the second prayer and in the middle inserted an explanation, so that the explanation itself, expressed in a Church Slavonic turn of phrase, constituted, as it were, a continuation of the prayer: and all this was said with a sincere heart, sometimes in an address to the icon of the Savior, sometimes to the people. And among the people, prayerful sighs have long been heard, tears in the eyes of many, and Father John most often reminds of them in his teaching. I especially liked one expression: “Yes! What kind of repentance do we have?.. We are all just plucking the tips and stems of sins. No! The roots, the roots of sins need to be torn out...” And indeed, with his words, spoken with passion, with his gestures, naturally and so expressively made, Father John brought the repentant crowd of thousands to such a mood that when, approaching the crowd two more steps along the pulpit, he said almost in an imperative tone: “Repent! Repent!” - and moved his hand in different directions, then a terrible, unheard cry and sobbing arose throughout the entire church... Some woman screamed in a desperate voice: “Father! sorry! our dear, pray!” “Forgive me, Lord, the accursed,” a voice is heard even stronger from the other end... Everyone’s tears are flowing uncontrollably... The longer the time, the more tears: here behind me and opposite, on the right choir, stood hitherto apparently indifferent, more curious faces, but here they are kneeling and shedding burning tears... My own callous, hardened heart melted, a tear rolled down from me, a repentant tear, a gracious tear, a life-giving tear, a saving tear! Oh, how sweet are those tears of repentance! And what about Father himself? And he, having made his last request: “Repent! Repent!”, repeating it on the pulpit and on the two ends of the sole, stood on the pulpit and, without turning his face away from the people, listening to their repentant cry, he himself, the mediator between the Heavenly Judge and repentant sinners, himself, the earthly judge of human consciences, stands motionless, bowed his head and is completely immersed in inner prayer. Finally, Father John himself shed tears, wiped them with a white handkerchief and crossed himself in gratitude to God for the people’s tears of repentance... Oh, an unforgettable picture!.. And it was quite long, no less than five, or even all ten minutes (there was no time for precise calculations). The spirit of contrition for sins penetrated into all hearts. I haven’t heard a list of sins or their names, but they say it happens sometimes. “Hush, hush, brothers,” Father’s new request is heard. Silence is established, although a muffled sigh hidden in the depths of the oppressed heart can be heard. “Listen! God gave me, like all priests, the power to bind and loose the sins of people... Listen, I’ll read a prayer of resolution! Bow your heads: I will cover you with the stole and bless you, and you will receive forgiveness of sins from the Lord.” Thousands of heads humbly bow, a prayer of permission is read, Father John takes the end of his stole and passes it through the air in all directions and blesses. Glory to Thee, Lord, glory to Thee! You have deigned me, a sinner, to experience a blissful state: tears and heartache were replaced by inexplicable joy and relief in my heart. Yes, no matter what you say, no matter how you judge, people have little faith, but here is an unusual phenomenon. Here is a lesson for me, for example. The Kronstadt pastor achieves incomparably greater fruits in general confession than I do in private confession, even if I spoke not only for five to ten minutes, but for half an hour, and for a whole hour about repentance to every sinner who came to me for confession. So condemn, lawyer, the general confession of Father John: God is his intercessor. Just as there is no indulgence here for my laziness: for my general confession God will condemn me. Father John is in exceptional circumstances in this case. With such a reading of the prayers, with such an interpretation of them, and most importantly, with such a clear result of all this, which we have already seen, there does not seem to be any particular need to read the exhortation “behold the child...” included in the breviary, and it is omitted by Father John. A new statement from Father is heard: “Now listen to the prayers for Communion” - and the young psalm-reader reads them loudly and clearly; Father John himself prays before the throne. The reading of prayers does not last long; Father John brings out a large chalice filled with the Holy Mysteries, Father Deacon places a stable wooden column on the pulpit and supports the chalice placed on it. "Friends! You will receive communion. Approach with the fear of God and faith. Kronstadt people keep aside, let the newcomers approach first... don’t crowd, stand back in your places... Approach the Chalice with your arms crossed on your chest... Having received communion, kiss the edge of the Chalice, like the rib of our Lord Jesus Christ. After this, do not bow to the ground... Remember what you are approaching: in the smallest particle, Christ is entirely,” Father John makes such and similar brief exhortations, and Communion begins for at least a thousand Christians who have mourned their sins. After standing a little longer, I left the church of God. But he should have stood still longer: perhaps he would have heard something else. They say that Father John refuses Communion to others until a time of more sincere repentance; many Kronstadt residents explain this to me by the foresight of Father John; I believe this too. Thank God for everything we saw and heard! Now, immediately after the completion of the communion of the laity, without stopping home, in a cab, who offered his services freely to the “breadwinner father,” Father John went to serve prayer services in the apartments where there were visitors and where the owners of their apartments had invited them. And now we are also waiting for his visit. The eleventh hour passes, the twelfth and the first hours pass in languid anticipation of Father John for the prayer service. Everything is prepared for this: the lamps are all lit, on the table, in the “common” room, memorial notes are folded, and on a plate there are sacrifices (silver coins), even a vase with water is open... Now Father John is already in the neighboring house... We are in anxiously excited anticipation... Suddenly a pair of horses with a cabman in a sleigh rushed past our windows... “Father John is being taken away! Father John is leaving for St. Petersburg!” - sad news flashed between us... The hostess asks me to accompany her to the neighboring house with a request to Father John to visit us too. Let's go. They let me into the house and lock the front door, since a crowd had already gathered on the street, surrounded the sled and was pressing against the doors of the house. I stand in the exit corridor, listen and observe: a prayer service is briefly and hastily performed in one room, then another; I notice a lot of fuss in the house, especially of the housewife herself: she will quickly approach the exit doors and order that they lock and not let anyone into the house, in the house itself she will open some doors, close others; the tenants themselves almost literally run from one room to another, obviously after Father... The door quickly opens, and Father John quickly walks towards the exit; some old woman throws his warm cassock over him, and I didn’t notice how instantly he put it on, galoshes on his feet, took his hat and already found himself right at the exit door, and here was the sleigh; he is being pursued by a crowd, in which I am also involved; Requests are heard from all sides: “Father! Come visit us! Bless! Painful! Father! Father! At the exit doors, despite all the efforts of the young psalm-reader, Father John was squeezed so tightly that he winced a little, but did not say a word; he broke through the crowd and got into the sleigh; but the crowd rushes to the sleigh and grabs the cassock; Father John lays his hand on all sides, even once he extended his hand back, and all this so quickly that you barely have time to follow; I, pushed aside by the crowd, did not have time to express my request... The sleigh soon hid Father John from the view of the crowd... The crowd scattered on two sides... And in the situation just described, Father John is focused on internal prayer: he doesn’t seem to see or hear anything, although at times he listens attentively to the content of the request, gives a short answer and rather hurries to where his prayerful help is most and most likely needed. “This Father has no time to eat! He is completely occupied with prayer and the needs of others. If we had even a hundredth part of this selfless love, love not for ourselves, but for others, then we should not pull Father John towards us, but, on the contrary, for the time being, evade him from our annoying requests: let him cope and rest at least a little, and I’ll wait. No, we want to do all our work in one day and leave for home as quickly as possible, but we don’t think much about the fact that Father John, no matter how spiritual, is still a mortal human body,” - this is how I consoled and reproached myself and my roommates and justified Father John’s departure to St. Petersburg. The day ended with Vespers in the cathedral and the reading of akathists in a private house for those who wished. They tell me, already about to go to sleep and asking about Father John, that he will arrive from St. Petersburg around eleven at night. I went out into the street at ten o’clock at night and saw: a crowd of beggars filled the street. The hostess explains to me that thousands to one and a half beggars of Kronstadt gather in the morning, before Matins and at night before the arrival of Father, to receive alms, and Father, through a proxy, sends a large sum; this trusted person exchanges this amount for rubles, and the ruble is issued for 20 people: the morning patch goes towards food, and the evening patch goes towards lodging for the night. So I fell asleep that night with the thought: “Here is a true philanthropist for the poor and needy!” New day. I served the liturgy for the second time with Father John. Today Father John treated me so attentively that, at the end of the liturgy, he gave me a prosphora, and I dared to ask him to visit my apartment; promised to be, which made my roommates happy, and now we are waiting for our dear guest. I would like to receive him with the honor due to him. Today Father John did not give communion; every other day he imparts; and therefore he finished his work in the church early and will soon come to us... Ah, rare happiness! Until my grave, do not be erased from my heart and my memory, you, a joyful impression! Father John was in the apartment, he was there, he had just left in his flesh, but in his spirit Father John was still here, here, next to me! I’ll start by describing this visit in order. Four to six fathoms from our apartment stands the cart of Father John... He is there! He will soon, soon be here too!.. He will, undoubtedly, will be... We are all in reverent anticipation!.. Several times I also went out to meet the approaching dear guest at the threshold; Other people also came out... A crowd was already gathering around the sleigh, and they were approaching our apartment... “He’s coming!” I'm in a hurry to meet you. Our dear guest gets off the sleigh; we meet him at the entrance; I support him a little by the arm, protecting him from the onslaught of the crowd; on the other hand, the psalm-reader does the same. There was a commotion in the apartment. They took off Father’s warm cassock, but he was silent and only blessed everyone. Father John enters the nearest room and the doors are locked; However, they let me through. Father John puts on a stole and begins a short prayer: “Blessed is our God,” and the young psalmist hastily and clearly sang directly in baritone “God the Lord,” troparia to the Savior and the Mother of God, singing twice: “Glory to Thee, our God, Glory to Thee” (instead of “Sweet Jesus, save us” in our region) and “Most Holy Theotokos, save us"; Father John reads the Gospel; Soon Father John immerses the holy cross in water, the psalmist sings “Save, Lord,” and Father John speaks a short greeting litany, in which notes are read with the psalmist; makes a dismissal, sprinkles holy water on the praying people and on the vegetables prepared for consecration (apples, grapes, etc.). Blessed and consecrated vegetables, like water itself, are taken apart by those praying and preserved for a long time. Warning Batyushkina from haste, during the prayer service itself, especially before the end of it, tearful prayers are heard: “Father! painful! bless! The priest turns in different directions and lays his hand, and consoles: “Hope!.. you will be healthy” and something like that. When moving to another room, Father John listens to various requests and promises to fulfill them or rejects them. I was especially struck by the circumstance that was in the “common” room, where there were poorer people. There was a peasant woman from a distant province, very sick, her husband was taking her, and she could barely move her legs: they also followed Father, not daring to make a request and always remaining behind the crowd... Only suddenly Father John makes a sharp turn back, comes straight up to this peasant woman and, laying his hand on her head and then on her shoulder, consoled her, and touched us all with the words: “God bless! God bless!.. You will be healthy.” On one of these transitions from room to room, I meet Father John and ask him to come into my room!.. He came in, and then we talked in private for quite a long time. Father John comforted me a lot with his conversation!.. Here, by the way, when I saw Father John, so to speak, face to face, it would be useful to say something about his appearance. Sometimes, looking at the portrait of Father John at home - the “Russian Pilgrim” award, I imagined him as a more or less physically large man; in fact, when I first saw Father John in the cathedral, he seemed to me to be a very short man; Now, having taken a closer look, I still find him a man of average height; his face, although thin, is pleasant due to the regularity of its outline, the light blush spread across his cheeks; and how much goodness shines in his blue eyes! The slightly brown hair on the head is sparse and short: it is probably cut off, but one cannot even imagine that Father John would be engaged in cutting his hair; and that he occasionally combs them and bifurcates them in a straight row - I myself saw this in the cathedral. Father John’s beard is also not long, and gray hair is beginning to show through in the middle: he is already sixty-two years old. The cassock on Father John is decent, but not dandy. Father John’s gait, as has been described more than once, is fast and impetuous, although, for example, during the Great Entrance with the Holy Gifts, Father John walks straight, harmonious, calm, with a firm gait, as if counting each step. That, it seems, is all that can be said about the appearance of Father John. After serving another prayer service in my apartment, Father John said goodbye to us and left for St. Petersburg. Today, before Vespers, I visited the House of Diligence, where I went into schools and dormitories for boys and girls; I was also in the dining room. Everything is arranged perfectly, and the children are happy when I, pointing to a large portrait of Father, the founder of these establishments, asked: “Who is this?..” Somewhere in the yard there is a special section for unskilled workers. I regret that I didn’t have to be in church: there was no watchman at home, but they say the church is good. Today I also visited Father John’s secretary. He's in a military uniform. He explained to me that “now I have up to six thousand letters at hand; Days and nights, without straightening my back, I sit and disassemble them.” Once I saw this secretary in the cathedral with some kind of report to Father, and Father, having listened to him, said something to him and gave him money to send to someone. It’s still a new day and already the last day of my stay in Kronstadt. And again the Lord honored me with His mercies: for the third and last time I served the Liturgy together with Father John. I marked this same day of departure from Kronstadt for myself by serving a memorial service at the grave of Father John’s mother, Theodora (in the common cemetery, under the chapel), and there I also remembered his father, the reader Elijah. I'm leaving Kronstadt. Oh, what a pity, how sad I am to part with him! I am leaving this blessed corner, going to a distant country... and will again be enveloped in the vanity of the world... Oh, may I not perish, O Lord, in the waves of the sea of ​​life, but to the one drowning in them, for the prayers of the venerable shepherd Father John, extend to me, like the Apostle Peter, Thy all-powerful hand! What was I and what will I become? Oh, if only I had even a thousandth share of the pastoral zeal of Father John. All that remains now is to make some more general comments and a general conclusion and thus finish my diary. Despite all the apparently detailed descriptions of the external side of Father John’s public prayer, there remains a vast area of ​​home prayer, an area inaccessible to anyone’s observation: how Father John prays at home is the greatest mystery for everyone! And she - prayer - grew there, in solitude... Although it is bold, it is not superfluous to touch here on the family and work relationships of Father John. Father John did not and does not have children. Wife Elizabeth now, for her husband’s fervent prayers, sees in him a special chosen one of God. His colleagues treat Father John with reverence and respect, not only as the archpriest and keymaster of the cathedral, but especially as a strong man of prayer. The Kronstadt residents told me: “Our father often prays for his brothers and greatly grieves for the careless shepherds; once he even expressed it: “If all of us, shepherds, were as we should be... then the devil would have nothing to do.” I cannot resist writing here, in my diary, some expressions from the diary of Father John. “The priest is an angel, not a man... Lord Jesus! Your priests will be clothed with righteousness (Ps. 131:9), may they always remember the height of their calling and may they not become entangled in the snares of the world and the devil, may the sorrow of this world, the flattery of wealth and other lusts entering their hearts, flee from their hearts.” “Who is this angel standing before the Throne of the Lord? For it is common for angels to serve the Lord unceasingly and to stand before His Throne. This is an intercessor for people, bearing the image of the Intercessor, the God-man Jesus Christ, this is one of the people placed in the service of God, as the Apostle Paul says; but his ministry is angelic. He is a mediator between God and people, His close friend, according to the word of the Lord: you are friends by nature, if you do great things, I command you (John 15:14); it is like a God for people with the power to bind and solve the sins of people, to perform life-giving and terrible Mysteries for them, to be adored by them and to adore others through them; this is the second New Testament Moses, leading the host of God through the wilderness of this world to the promised land; this is Elijah of the New Testament, bringing down from heaven the immaterial fire of the Holy Spirit on the presented Gifts; This is Joseph of the New Testament, feeding his brethren with heavenly bread during the spiritual famine of sin. High is the rank of priest!” Isn’t it a consequence of such prayers and prayerful reflections of Father John (and there are many of them and how beautiful they are! See the book “My Life in Christ” and “The Russian Pilgrim” from 1891) that the Kronstadters asked me that every year more and more priests come to Kronstadt? This is how a priest befits us! So and so, or at least similar, and not completely different, I should be a priest. And I, I... Oh, Lord Jesus Christ, my Chief Shepherd! You feel terrible for yourself when you compare the wonderful pastoral zeal of Father John and your cold negligence!.. You feel terrible for yourself! It is not for nothing that St. John Chrysostom once said: “I don’t think there will be many among the priests who are being saved, but many who are perishing.” This word is terrible! Alas for me!.. Thank God that in our time the Lord is raising up among us sinners such an ascetic as Father John. “Be known by Your other people, just as You appeared to me, O Lover of Mankind!” (231 pages of the 1st edition of the book of Father John “My Life in Christ”), Be, be known, Lord: this is the true and eternal life of all Your people. V.G. Retreat with Father John (5th week of Lent) Everyone knows what a mass of pilgrims Kronstadt attracts during Lent. And this year there are even more of them coming than before. The people are very diverse. Of course, the middle class (merchants, townspeople and others) and commoners predominate. Many of the latter move from all sides of Mother Rus' on foot. A gratifying phenomenon is a pilgrimage in our “wrong” time, and great thanks to the culprit himself, the venerable Archpriest Father John. A friendly crowd of people is rushing to Kronstadt. One thanks Father for the healing from his illness that took place through his prayers to God, the other also thanks for receiving, again through his prayers, some kind of position or for help (monetary, material, etc.). The third, and the largest part, go to Kronstadt to listen to the wondrous words of repentance that have flowed inexhaustibly from Father’s lips for so many years, to pray with him, to cry about their sins and, having received their permission in confession, to partake of the Holy Mysteries. Already from the first days of the week, the congress of pilgrims begins (and in the 1st and 4th weeks they gather even earlier). The house of industry is soon filled with them. Behind it is the former Bykov house, and there are hospitality apartments (private). I know and have personally been in 20 such apartments. For those who visited Kronstadt during Lent, the following days are especially memorable and joyful: Friday (the eve of Holy Communion) and Saturday (the day of Holy Communion). Even on Thursday, at the evening service, you can see how the cathedral is filled with people, most of whom are fasting people. The people disperse from Vespers and stretch in all directions in a long line, distributing to their new apartments, sometimes not immediately finding apartments; They try to walk in groups, with Kronstadters accompanying them. There are usually more women than men in the cathedral, but on the days of confession and Holy Communion there are no less men, and the heart calms down after the reproach that women are more religious than men. It turns out that everything is fine: both of them are equally religious. On Friday morning in the 5th week, the service in the cathedral began at 6 o'clock. Matins was served by the respected sacristan of the cathedral, Father Alexander Popov. Few people were allowed through the wooden bars and into the choirs. These are signs that it won't be very crowded. However, the cathedral was still full. Only it was a bit crowded in front, but Father was clearly visible. A dense crowd of women and girls got there early. Father read the canon. The people listened to the canon with emotion. This is one of the memorable aspects of the Kronstadt shepherd. Father, knowing that the canon is listened to so carefully, sometimes, regardless of fatigue, without thinking of serving “at home,” he comes specially from St. Petersburg to read the canon and sing in the choir with his voice that penetrates the depths of the soul and evokes tears. This time the canon was daytime on March 16th for the holy martyrs, in 2, on Friday, i.e. The Holy Life-Giving Cross and the Passion of the Lord, and in 3, repentance. Father read the canon against the Royal Doors, because there were people on the choir, and the repentant one turned his face to the people. He was wearing a brown stole with the image of the Holy Trinity embroidered on the chest. Several people were singing in the choir. Matins ended at 7:30 am. Many remained in the church until mass. At 9 o'clock there were Lenten hours, Vespers and the Liturgy of the Presanctified Gifts (St. Gregory Dvoeslov). Father served in a beautiful purple velvet chasuble and a black velvet miter. The miter is sewn in silver with 4 images surrounded by white stones, I don’t know which ones, transparent. If I'm not mistaken, this chasuble was donated only this year. On Wednesday, Father served in another similar robe. Concelebrating with him were 5 more priests and 2 deacons in velvet blue and other vestments and surplices (the surplice on the senior deacon was the same color as the robe of the rector's father). After mass, Father preached a sermon of repentance. He took as his basis that passage from the Holy Gospel of Luke, which speaks of the Galileans, whose blood Pilate mixed with their sacrifices, of the tower of Siloam, which fell and killed those in it, and of the fig tree, which the master wanted to cut down as not bearing fruit, but at the urgent request of the one who looked after it, he left it for another year for testing... (Luke 13). “The Lord strengthens you with the Most Pure Body and Blood to make you his own. He is looking for and waiting for your repentance...” But it is impossible to remember everything that Father said about this. His word was firm and convicting. He begged to repent, listed sins, spoke about the blessed fruits of repentance and ways to achieve what the saints achieved (you need to force yourself to do good, it’s good not to eat while fasting, not to sleep on soft things) and Father said a lot of other things. Then Father Alexander 8 read prayers in preparation for confession. The priest left, and the people began to disperse. This week, Father Alexander read to the people excerpts from the famous work of St. John the Ladder. The people listened to them attentively and with pleasure. So great and fruitful is Father’s influence on the people that such a serious spiritual work (self-knowledge) is to his liking and he, leaving the church, remembers it for a long time. After mass, the pilgrims go to their apartments, where they await Father John. Father leaves for St. Petersburg almost every day, but he devotes every Friday of Lent to Kronstadt alone in order to satisfy all the pilgrims. After mass until general confession at 8 pm, and sometimes even after it, Father tirelessly tours all the apartments for visitors and his own houses - the former Bykov and hard work. Everywhere they are waiting impatiently for him: some to talk to, some to consult, some to receive consolation or ask to pray for healing, and some to ask for help. And he alone, as much as he can, satisfies these thousands of requests. Before his arrival, pilgrims gather together in many apartments, read and sing akathists, prayers and various chants. In addition to the general confession in the evening, from 3 o'clock in the afternoon, and when there are a lot of people, even earlier, there is a single confession in the cathedral. All the priests of the cathedral confess until late evening, after which all those who confessed are included in the confession lists. Many, having come to the cathedral at 3 o'clock in the afternoon, leave after general confession. At 4 o'clock there is Little Compline with the canon to the Savior, the Mother of God and the Guardian Angel, and akathists are read in turn: one week to the Savior (Sweet Jesus), the other to the Mother of God (Hail, Unbrided Bride). In the evening, people in the cathedral arrive, and at 7 o'clock almost everyone is already in the cathedral. Only there are no ones where Father has not yet visited. Here in the main chapel the chandeliers are lit, especially beautiful is the massive chandelier descending from the top of the dome opposite the Royal Doors of the main altar of St. Andrew the First-Called Apostle. This time Father arrived at the beginning of the 9th hour. Coming out with the Gospel in his hands, he said: “In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit! Listen, I will read you the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 18,” and began reading it from the 12th verse, explaining some places. Having closed the Gospel, Father said: “We have passed 5 weeks of Lent, we have one more week left and another seventh week dedicated to the remembrance of the passion of Christ, therefore, it is time for us to take stock of what we have acquired during fasting, whether we have become better or whether the same vices still dominate us (here Father listed many of the sins). So, let's do the verification in the same way as a merchant sometimes checks his shop and if he finds a profit, he rejoices; if there is a loss, then he is sad (but this is earthly sadness and is not pleasing to God), just as teachers verify their students, both of them rejoice if everything is fine, just as officers verify their subordinate soldiers and rejoice when the soldiers turn out to be well prepared, and the soldiers, when they see that they have acquired military knowledge. Our teachers are holy saints of God, who, thanks to their love for God, conquered their passions, purified themselves and became saints. Just yesterday you heard Matins and the penitential canon of St. Andrew of Crete and the prayer to St. Mary of Egypt. Here is an example of repentance, here is an example of victory over corrupted human nature. Saint Mary of Egypt conquered femininity in herself and from a sinner became the greatest righteous woman; she achieved such holiness that she separated from the earth and crossed the Jordan River several times as if on dry ground... The Lord Himself looks at us from heaven and wants to see our repentance, our good fruits..." Then, looking at the Gospel, Father said: “Here are instructive words (verses 15-17 of the same chapter, it speaks of convicting a brother who has sinned, first in private, then in the presence of 2 or 3 witnesses, then in the presence of the Church, i.e. priests). If the church does not listen, you will be like a pagan and a publican... And now, after various admonitions, the Holy Synod excommunicated one blasphemer from the Church, and many said how such a great writer could be excommunicated, but they themselves did not want to understand how he harmed the Church with his beliefs. The Holy Synod did this, having received power from God Himself. Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven; and whatever you permit on earth will be permitted in heaven (Matthew 18:18). This power was given to the apostles, and, consequently, to bishops and priests... So you have not gathered here in order to, according to these words of the Lord, receive remission of sins from me, the priest...” At this time, the people began to repent as one, and Father, seeing that they had already begun to repent, asked: - So, do you repent or not? The entire cathedral responded “we repent,” and they began to repent. This repentance will never be erased from memory. There are people who did not think that they would cry and express their sins out loud. But the power of Father’s word and their own sincere repentance forced them, against their will, to cry out loud about their sins. Most of the people cannot restrain themselves from sobbing, and some are colder and sometimes complain about their coldness, wanting to weep along with others. Some people think that this crying is fake. Oh no! Proof of this is that once, after a particularly good confession, I heard and saw how many continued to cry for a long time after it. However, this can be seen in every confession, that the people cannot immediately calm down, which would not have happened if the tears were not so deep. At 9 o'clock people began to disperse from the cathedral, occupying the square and streets in a solid crowd for some time. Many diligent people sleep little that night, or maybe not sleep at all. The majority, having gathered, read and sing the rules established for Holy Communion. This is how Friday ends. As early as 4 o'clock in the morning, people began to fill the cathedral. Many came earlier. At 5 o'clock matins began. According to the Lenten book “Triod”, during Matins the akathist to the Mother of God “Rejoice, Unbrided Bride” was read. The liturgy began at the 7th hour with the reading of the hours, which was quite lengthy. Mass was, of course, served by Father, co-served by 10 priests and hieromonks and 2 deacons. The priest was wearing a light blue silk robe with the image of the Resurrection of Christ embroidered in gold and silver on his shoulder, and a blue miter. The choir of singers sang very melodiously. “Glory”, “Only Begotten Son”, “Little Litany” and “In Thy Kingdom”, arranged by Mr. Arkhangelsky from an ancient tune, having a good influence on the mood of the praying people. From other chants I remember “It is worthy to eat...” the entrance and during the Communion of the clergy in the altar prayer chants to the Mother of God: “Quench the sickness of my much-sighing soul”, “Imams have no other help”, “Eternal Advice” These chants and many others dedicated to the Queen of Heaven are already touching just by their words, and if they are sung, they produce tenderness and make listeners even more diligently ask the Mother of God for mercy on us, especially since all their words are heard by the people. In the interval between singing, Father’s psalmist read the rules before Communion of the Holy Mysteries. After leaving with the Holy Chalice, Father once again turned to the people and said: “In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Why did the Lord give us to eat His Body and Blood? In order to give us the strength to overcome our passions, sins, bad inclinations, to make us Yours, to cleanse, sanctify, deify.” I can’t remember exactly all the wonderful words of Father John; in general, he spoke about the miraculous significance of the Holy Mysteries, which renew our spiritual and physical strength, giving us strength to fight sins, passions and vices. Afterwards, wishing everyone the achievement of eternal bliss and worthy reception of the Holy Mysteries, Father John said that for convenience and to avoid crowding, they would receive communion in all three chapels. Father Alexander read the prayer before Communion, “I Believe, Lord.” The people loudly repeated the words of the prayer with feeling. The communion of the Holy Mysteries began at 9 o'clock in the morning. At 12 o'clock the communion ended, and the people began to disperse. My heart was joyful after receiving the Holy Mysteries from the communicants. Conducting their last affairs in Kronstadt, the visiting pilgrims are preparing to return. Some stay until Sunday. In their free time, they are interested in the city, walking to the cemetery (where some serve funeral services in the chapel at the grave of Mother Theodora, the mother of Father John), and go to bookstores to buy cards, books, poems and leaflets in memory of Father. Others once again want to talk somewhere with Father. On Sunday at 5 o'clock matins begins. Father reads the canon again and then serves early mass. By Sunday evening, almost all the visitors have left, leaving only those who want to live longer in Kronstadt. Hilarion Knyagnitsky. Trip to Kronstadt (Impressions of a provincial) On official business I had to come to St. Petersburg. Due to various clerical delays, I was left with a gap of several days in my busy business, and I decided to use these days for a trip to Kronstadt, mainly to see the famous Orthodox pastor who lived there. Even before my trip, my female acquaintances were moved by the fact that through a trip to St. Petersburg I would have the opportunity to visit Kronstadt. I knew that I would have to give an account to my good friends, I won’t say that I myself wasn’t interested in visiting Kronstadt, seeing the famous man, if possible, hearing his opinion on issues that concern me - and who doesn’t? – and I went. Both I and other provincials imagine the possibility of fulfilling their intentions completely differently than it is in reality. We think: I’ll come to the respected shepherd and talk with him about this and that... Whether you come is entirely up to you, of course. Upon arrival, you also have the opportunity to see him, because if he is in Kronstadt, he serves every day. But seeing and talking to him is a very small opportunity, which can become an impossibility. I arrived in Kronstadt without asking any of the experienced people about anything. Later I somewhat regretted that I did not stock up on advice from experienced people. Upon arrival, I went straight to the church houses where the clergy of St. Andrew's Cathedral of Kronstadt lives. In the courtyard I met a middle-aged woman, probably a servant of one of the clergy members, and asked her to tell me how and where I could see the famous shepherd. “Father is no longer in Kronstadt,” she told me, “he has gone to Moscow.” Will arrive this evening. As I later noticed, the name “Father” became in Kronstadt, as it were, the proper name of one person. They don’t call him anything else here, and everyone already knows who should be understood by this name. Therefore, in the further course of the story, we will also call him by this name. - How can I see him? – I asked. – Does he have a reception area for those who want to talk to him, or what? - No, they are not allowed into his house. As soon as he arrives home, the gate is immediately locked, and no one is even allowed into the yard. And whoever wants to see him stops at the apartments. There are special apartments for those who want to see Father. They open with his blessing. These are the only apartments he visits. There is such an apartment opposite our house. He will probably be in it tomorrow, but he will be in others, in which he will have time, since there are many apartments, and in one day Father does not have time to go around everything, but there is one day in some, and another in others. And he will certainly be in this one. Thanking the talkative woman for her advice, I went to the house indicated to me. Entering the outer door and passing through a long corridor, I found myself in a room crowded with people. Some sat, others stood, drank tea and made noise. The air was stale. It’s good that it wasn’t smoky, because smoking tobacco here, as in other apartments for pilgrims, was not allowed. I stopped at the entrance to the room, looking with my eyes for who to contact, who was in charge here. I asked a woman standing not far from me where the owner was. “N.N.,” she called out to someone by name and patronymic, “they’re asking you.” And in front of me there was some kind of person, short in stature, with an unattractive, acne-prone face. He asked me in a sharp, abrupt and extremely unpleasant voice: “I want to stay with you so that I can see Father tomorrow,” I answered. – What do you want – a shared room or a private room? I saw that there were a lot of people in the general area, and my mood at that moment was such that it would be better to be apart. These considerations quickly ran through my head, and I answered without hesitation that I wished to take a separate room. “For a private room, pay six rubles per night,” said the subject. If I had heard in advance something about the high prices here, had been warned about the high cost of special apartments, then I would have been somewhat prepared for such a fabulous figure. Now, having heard the price of six rubles for one night’s accommodation, I positively did not believe my ears and could not gather my thoughts. When you go to a first-class hotel in the city, you already know in advance that you will be charged a fair amount if you want to have a luxurious room. If you can’t afford it, then there is another room that is cheaper. But here the situation is different. Orthodox Russian people flock here from all over Russia, having heard about the glory of a one-of-a-kind man. Perhaps someone has spent his last money and, upon arriving at the destination of his trip and his dreams, does not know what to do, how and where to turn, where to stay. He finds that he needs to occupy a separate room in order to be able to talk privately with the person with whom he reached out for advice from thousands of miles away, to whom he was heading, like a beacon, hoping to receive salvation from him in the stormy excitement of life that was troubling him. Here they understand the state of mind and the need of the visitor and want to take advantage of the opportunity. Six rubles for one night! And the one who demands this is a subtle psychologist. He knows that if you really want to see the respected shepherd, then you will give six, even ten rubles, as you have already given for the passage of perhaps several dozen pilgrims who came here. But let's return to the terrible subject. This is how he seemed to me, both in his unsympathetic physiognomy and in the predatory greed that showed through both his gaze and all the movements with which he treated people in need of him. He noticed that the impressive figure made an unfavorable impression on me... Amazement and fear must have been visible on my face. - What? Is this too expensive for you? In that case, fit in the common room,” he said. - But the common room is overcrowded with people. There is nowhere for everyone to sit... Where can we spend the night there? – I tried to object. “And where everyone else is, on the floor,” he said calmly. From his words, it was clear that he was extremely surprised that, coming to such a place, people could desire some kind of comfort, such as a tolerable overnight stay. Then an idea occurred to me, which I happily seized on, without doubting that, ready to take advantage of the opportunity, the landlord would agree to my proposal, since the interests of his pocket would not suffer. “I’ll offer you this,” I began. – How much do they pay you for spending the night in a common room? “I’ll pay you thirty kopecks, even forty, I’ll pay you right now.” But I won’t spend the night here; I’ll go and spend the night at the hotel, and tomorrow you’ll let me in here when Father arrives. – No, we cannot let people in from the street to the prayer service. “I don’t agree,” the cruel man continued to tyrannize me. I never expected this refusal. Well, isn't he a torturer?! He certainly wanted to force me to sleep in the common room, on the floor, where sexes and ages are compared, to sleep bent over, huddled, in danger of being doused with boiling water by pilgrims constantly drinking tea, that is, to sleep under such conditions under which one cannot even think about sleep, in order to thus completely despise one’s flesh and elevate oneself in spirit. “Well, if you don’t want to sleep in the common room,” he continued after a short pause, “then here is a chest at your service.” With these words, he led me into the corridor and showed me a chest on which an adult could actually lie down. Spending the night there seemed like a luxury compared to spending the night in a common room, and I was not slow in agreeing to the offer made to me. “For this chest, 75 kopecks,” he said. “Or maybe you’d like to spend the night in this room,” he said, showing me another narrow corridor, which he called a room, probably because an icon hung here and it was located behind the common room, therefore, it provided the sleeping person with the opportunity to avoid those disturbances that would be inevitable when sleeping in the first corridor, which served as a passage from the common room to the outer doors. My choice settled on the second chest. “For this chest, a ruble,” the landlord said impressively. Everything about him was weighed and assessed. For a small convenience, he added 25 kopecks! “I’m leaving the ruble chest behind me,” I said. “In that case, go to that corner,” he pointed to the common room. - They'll sign you up there. Give your passport if you have it, and if not, they will write down your last name. I went to the place in the common room indicated to me, where some scribbler was sitting at a table and writing down the passports lying near him. I approached him and explained that I had been told to write down my last name, since I did not have a passport. He slowly raised his eyes to me, looked over his glasses with a long and, in his opinion, derogatory gaze, just as slowly took it away from me and, without saying anything, continued his work. I somehow felt awkward from such treatment, I walked away and stood to the side of the table. There was a buzz in the room from many people talking, and the clinking of glasses could be heard. – Maria N.! – the scribbler exclaimed, reading the first and last name from the passport. No one responded to the call: behind the noise of voices, the clerk’s call was not heard in the far corner. He repeated the challenge in a louder and more authoritative voice. An old woman hurriedly approached the table. - Why are you deaf, or what? Don't you hear what they're asking you? – the clerk attacked her angrily. - How old are you? “Fifty-seven, dear,” answered the old woman. – Why don’t you have summers listed in your passport? A? Apparently the clerk was drunk when he wrote the passport? - I don’t know, father, maybe he’s drunk! - Well, I don’t know! Why did you take such a passport, which doesn’t even include the summer? - Yes, I’m illiterate, dear! - the old woman made excuses. - I don’t know what is written there and what is not. He put the paper in my hands, I took it and went. And what is written in it - the Lord knows. I'm illiterate myself. The rude treatment of the clerk, in connection with previous conversations with the owner, had an unpleasant effect on me, and I hastened to go out into the clean air to freshen up a little. Then a ragged man appeared in front of me, as if he had grown out of the ground. It should be noted that in Kronstadt there are so many ragamuffins, not some weak or crippled people, but people who are quite healthy and even hefty, that this involuntarily immediately catches the eye of a visiting person. Local residents said that at that time there were still relatively few of them, because there was still work at the port. When work stops there, their number increases significantly. They all hang out on the streets all day long, and from the generous Father each one is given 8–10 kopecks daily. He built a shelter for them, and fed and clothed them. But they persistently pester everyone passing by. Some of the golyas simply ask for alms, while others begin to lay out the reasons that you are even obliged to give it. He won't leave your side soon. Others, seeing that their colleague is talking to someone, also approach, or, better yet, run up, and in an instant a crowd of tramps will form around you, from which you can get rid of either with a handout, or by going somewhere into the house, since a whole crowd of them will accompany you until the very end of your journey. One of the golyas stood in front of me. Without any humiliation, even with a sense of self-esteem, he spoke: “Give it, dear sir, to a man who has not eaten anything all day, and Father will already pray for your health.” Judging by the healthy appearance of the man who spoke to me, it was impossible to think that his stomach often experienced the condition that he is talking about now. And judging by the somewhat cheerful tone of his voice, one could assume that even now he was making lies in vain, complaining about the tolerable deprivation all day long. I was glad to talk with a local resident and, moreover, one like the person standing in front of me, who knew the life of his city in every detail. “How will he pray,” I said, “if it’s difficult to see him?” So I can’t stay in Kronstadt for a long time and, in order to see him tomorrow, I’m forced to stay in this house, with a landlord whom I don’t like. Thinking, perhaps, to please me, the tramp began to speak disapprovingly of the landlord, not sparing his thick colors. He advised moving to another house for pilgrims, maintained by a certain B., assuring and swearing that tomorrow Father would certainly be there almost immediately upon arrival, for Mrs. B. was his goddaughter. I attached little faith to the tramp's assurances, but a strong desire to get away from the rude and greedy landlord and the ignorant and impudent clerk prompted me to take the tramp's advice. “Perhaps, in fact, his words are essentially true!..” - I thought. We set off, and he led me to some rather large house, called the hostess, whom he called by name and patronymic, and explained to her the purpose of our coming, saying that I wished to occupy a separate room. She, apparently, was very happy about my desire and took me to show the number. The first room we entered was a “common room”, also filled with people, although not in such numbers as in the previous apartment. We went into another small room, which the hostess offered to occupy for three rubles for an overnight stay. Although the price is half the previous prices, it is still not small. I still didn’t answer anything right away and continued to look around the room, as the hostess, probably fearing that I wouldn’t want to take the room due to the high cost and it might lose a guest, hastened to tell me that there was a gentleman in the common room who wanted to take a separate room, but since the price for the room was high for him, he stayed in the common room. “The two of you,” she concluded, “take a room, it would be cheaper.” There is just one here - with two beds. This proposal seemed very suitable, and I agreed to it. She invited the said gentleman, and the two of us took a room at 2 rubles 50 kopecks for an overnight stay. The payment that fell to my share of 1 ruble 25 kopecks seemed to me even small compared, of course, with what the previous landlord wanted from me for the room. My random friend was an intelligent-looking, handsome young man who came from the Kherson province deliberately to visit a respected shepherd. It was clear from everything that some kind of deep grief was weighing him down. We sipped tea, talked and got ready to go to bed. But from the common room next to ours we could hear the singing of “The Mounted Voivode,” uttered by one hesitant voice. Several other voices joined him, then squeaky female voices were heard, and thus a general singing of the Mother of God was formed, unison, discordant. It was obvious that the singers were not used to participating in singing and were doing it now, only carried away by the example of one of the reciters, walking around Mother Russia all their lives with an akathist in their knapsack. After the singing, one of the pilgrims began reading the akathist, accompanied by the singing of all those present. At the end of one akathist, the reading of another began, then the Gospel was read... I don’t know how long their prayer lasted, for sleep, despite the singing, took possession of me. It was not yet six o'clock when we woke up and, hastily dressed, went to the cathedral. It was morning. There weren't many people, which somewhat surprised us. But soon the matter was explained - Father, who arrived late the night before, served not in the cathedral, but in the church at the House of Diligence. We went there. Here the church was already crowded with people, despite the fact that Matins had just begun. There were people standing in the corridor; there was no room in the church. With difficulty we managed to enter the church itself. I was wearing a cotton coat. It was hot and stuffy in the church, but I didn’t pay attention to it and didn’t think about leaving. The eyes of all those present were intensely turned to the altar to see “him.” The priest came out to speak the litany. Everyone became excited, trying to rise as high as possible. Who in Russia has not seen a portrait of the famous shepherd! You will find him among peasants hanging next to icons, you will find him at the ophens 9 at all fairs, on tea cups... But from a distance it was difficult to see the priest who had come out, and therefore those standing in the distance could not come to an undoubted conclusion whether it was “he” or not “he”. “Look, Matryona,” the woman standing next to me said to her friend: “has he come out?” Matryona stood up on tiptoes and began to take a closer look. “It seems like it’s not him,” she said. - Why not him? He! - the first one insisted. A man standing next to them, perhaps from Kronstadt, resolved their dispute by saying in an authoritative voice: - This is not Father. This is the second priest of the cathedral. Then I clearly understood that the word “Father” was used here in application to only one person. But then, during the canon, the “real Father” came out of the altar and went to the choir. The crowd began to sway. For some reason, everyone moved, as if wanting to show that he saw Father and was looking at him. Father began to read the canon. I read it and went back to the altar. Those present prayed very earnestly, especially during his reading. Many cried, and cried sincerely. And this is quite natural. Many came here with deep spiritual and physical wounds, which they now constantly think about and tearfully pray to God for deliverance through the prayers of the illustrious shepherd. Matins is over. The priest and the concelebrating priests went out to read preparatory prayers before the liturgy. When, according to church rules, turning to the people, he bowed, squeals and exclamations were heard: “Father, bless, Father!” The liturgy began. I felt unbearably hot, and I went to the back of the church, where it was somewhat freer. Several people sang in a male choir. The singing would have been quite good if they sang more quietly and did not take up the task of performing excessive partes chants, otherwise the singers would strain all their vocal powers and greatly spoil the impression they made. Mass ended, but the people did not leave, waiting for Father to come out. Many directly stepped over the low grating, as my friend did, and became a solid column near the northern and southern doors of the altar. As soon as they managed to see Father passing in the altar, they immediately cried out: “Father, bless.” Father stood in the doorway and asked the crowd: Unintelligible requests for blessings were heard, many reached out to kiss his hand, but he did not allow the exclamations to grow and immediately added: - Here's what, my friends: if anyone wants to receive Holy Communion tomorrow, go home and prepare with abstinence and prayer. Having said this, he immediately went to the altar. Some of the men, more courageous, decided to enter the altar. A small, curious circumstance happened to my comrade, who wanted to talk to Father at all costs. He saw a peasant come out of the altar. Mistaking him for a clergyman, he thrust a fifty-kopeck piece into his hand, asking him to be let into the altar and tell Father to come out to him. The peasant hid the fifty-kopeck piece in his pocket and said that he himself was a newcomer; he was about to enter the altar, but the sexton escorted him out. Soon everyone else appeared, intruding into the altar, escorted out by the sexton. The latter announced that Father had already left the church and went to his apartments. The people began to disperse. We also went to our apartment to await the arrival of Father, who, according to my counselor and the assurances of the landlady, would certainly be there today. But alas! In vain we sat hopelessly in the room, waiting for Father to arrive, until we were convinced that he would not come, and to questions about this circumstance addressed to the hostess, we received an indifferent answer: - He didn’t come, which means he didn’t have time. Will arrive tomorrow. My friend didn’t even think twice, but decided to stay the next day. I thought a little about whether to stay or not. But I could not call today a success in terms of fulfilling the purpose of my trip. On the other hand, I didn’t want to force my companion to hang around again in general, and the costs of spending one more day in Kronstadt are not so great, when paying for a room for two, all this tilted my decision in the direction of staying, and I decided to stay. I was tired of sitting in the room, and the hour was far from late, so the two of us went to wander around the city. We found ourselves again near the House of Diligence. We were interested at that time in examining a new way of providing assistance to the poor by providing them with the opportunity to always have a job, and we asked permission to inspect the House of Diligence, to which the administration of the house kindly agreed. The entire House of Diligence consists of two large stone houses, an outbuilding and various buildings for the household. In two houses there are: a church, a stump room, a sewing and cutting school, a shoemaker's workshop, a folk canteen, a bakery, a manual labor class, shelters, an almshouse for the elderly, a hospital for visitors, an orphanage for fifty people, classes for boys and girls, a free public reading room, a children's library, a free Sunday school, folk Sunday readings, a bookstore. spiritual and moral books for the people, drawing classes, cheap apartments. All these institutions are managed by the St. Andrew's Guardianship Council. The house of industriousness with all its ramifications was built according to Father’s thoughts using the funds he collected. We learned that there are rooms for visitors and a common room. Father comes to the House of Diligence every day after the service and from here goes to other apartments. Having learned that there was now a free room with two beds, we decided to take this room, in the belief that in this case we would probably have the opportunity to see Father, whereas, remaining in the previous apartment, we had no solid grounds for this. The next day in the morning we went to Matins at the cathedral, where Father served. I managed to beg the headman, and he let me into the altar. Several priests concelebrated with Father. The service was performed without any delays or delays. Commemorations at the proskomedia, many of them, were performed by one of the priests throughout the entire matins. The main part of the proskomedia was performed by Father himself, to whom the telegrams and letters received in his name, simple and monetary, were transferred, in which those suffering from distant places asked for the prayers of the shepherd, in the power of which they believed. Some letters, after remembering the names written in them, he put aside, and some he read with special attention and concentration and hid in a pocket on his chest, and then took them out for remembrance during the transubstantiation of the Holy Gifts. I did the same with telegrams. The liturgy ended, but no one had received communion yet. After the complete end of the liturgy, Father addressed the people with a word, the main content of which was calling everyone to repentance. He spoke for about an hour, and his speech breathed with sincerity and, as such, made a deep impression on the people. Having finished the sermon, he said in an authoritative voice: - Repent of all your sins without concealment. He himself, raising his hands, raised his eyes to heaven and began to pray to the Heavenly Lord to send forgiveness of sins to sinful people. Abundant tears watered his face throughout the entire prayer. It is difficult to describe the excitement that gripped those present, both from the imperious call, sounding like a command, to repentance, and from this prayer of a man suffering from the sins of his neighbors. A general cry arose, growing more and more intense. Everyone began to loudly name their sins, for each was busy with himself and did not listen to the words of the other. The priest finished his prayer, but the crying and screaming did not stop. He looked intently, now to the right, now to the left, looked at those in the distance, turned to someone with the words: “Repent! Look, don’t do that again!” Because of these actions of his, the people cried even more, so that after a long time, when Father wanted to read a general prayer absolving sins, there was no way to do this, and only after several shouts from Father: “Enough, stop, listen to the prayer!” – the crowd began to subside. Occasionally isolated sobs were heard. The prayer of permission was read, and the Communion of the repentant began with three clergy. Everyone wanted to receive the Holy Mysteries from the hands of Father, and therefore they rarely approached the side doors. Communion lasted an hour and a half. By this we can judge the multitude of those who received communion. Mass is over. A prayer was also read after Communion. The priest began to undress at the altar. A young man of about sixteen in school clothes approaches him and timidly hands him some paper. “Tell me in words what you ask,” said Father, continuing his work with his usual haste. “For the right to study... I have no...,” fragmentary words are heard, spoken in a whisper. The priest puts his hand into his pocket and takes out money. Having separated some of them, he prepares to hand them over to the petitioner, again doing this incidentally, without interrupting his previous work. Now, for the first time, he looked carefully at the young man standing in front of him, tears involuntarily flowing down his cheeks, and the muscles on his face were twitching with excitement. Who knows? Perhaps he had timidly and in vain submitted his request in more than one place and came here with his last hope, if not realized, all his dreams of a bright future were to be shattered! If he had been refused here, he would have left in complete despair. But his request is heeded without any insulting questions, without humiliation of his personality, they give him an anchor of salvation as simply as if he had asked for some trifle. Tears of gratitude flowed from the young man's eyes. Oh, how happy is he who can draw such tears from people! - Calm down, calm down, darling! I'm very glad that I can help you. The father strokes the head of the bent young man. His eyes are involuntarily caught by the short sleeves of the school coat, the unraveling seams, and his hand, ready to hand over the requested amount to the applicant, quickly drops back into his pocket and after that satisfies the request. The young man left joyfully, but soon returned. The fear of making a mistake brought him back. In embarrassment, he again approaches Father, still holding the food served in his hand. - Father! You read that right: there is much more here? “No, I’m not mistaken,” Father answers him quietly, “then for your coat... for books... But Father is not allowed to talk to anyone for a long time. It is needed for many, many. A priest from the same St. Andrew's Cathedral approached him. “Father,” he said, “the wife of a psalm-reader is asking for help; her husband was exiled to a monastery for penance, and she and her children are in poverty. And again the hand habitually fell into the pocket and, through the priest, handed over the captured goods to the distressed woman. I hurried to the House of Diligence to meet Father there, who soon arrived there. After serving a prayer service in the common room, he began to walk from room to room. Staying at the House of Diligence is very convenient, because no one else is allowed into your room. The administration itself takes care of this. Father, apparently, was in a hurry somewhere, but we still managed to detain him for a conversation. The purpose of my trip to Kronstadt was fulfilled, and I hurried to the ship, fearing to be late. Just before the ship left, Father arrived, who travels to St. Petersburg almost every day. With great effort and with the help of the police, he squeezed through the crowd and disappeared into the cabin. In the middle of the journey I went up from the lower cabin. Here a woman was lying on the sofa, sobbing terribly, as if in an unconscious state. I thought that it was because of her body condition, although it was insignificant, that she had that day, but those around her explained something else to me. Despite the fact that Father did not accept anyone, this woman somehow managed to get people close to him who were traveling with Father in the same cabin to beg him to let her in for a conversation. She sat there for about half an hour and came out in the condition described above, so they even applied compresses to her head and gave her valerian drops... Finally, we arrived in St. Petersburg. With the help of the police again, Father walked to the carriage that was waiting for him and disappeared from sight. I soon finished my business and left St. Petersburg, retaining the impression of the Kronstadt trip in my soul for a long time. Archpriest Alexander Solovyov. Three times in Kronstadt with Father John The Lord deigned me to visit Father John in Kronstadt three times. Staying in Kronstadt are bright and important days in my life: my real ministry is connected with them, and they, one might say, gave the direction of my life. The first stay in Kronstadt is described in detail in the book “Two Days in Kronstadt” by V.M. – a companion. But I also want to speak out to calm down. Maybe my memories will console someone, once again reminding them of the good shepherd, and it may not be useless for me to look back. In this case, I will come under the protection of Father John. “It is a wonderful and God-loving thing,” he says, “to imagine through what series of incidents in life we ​​have reached our present position, because, often imagining such a connection of incidents that make up our life, we come to the thought of our insignificance and humble ourselves before God; and to Him, the Creator, let us ascribe all the interconnection of the diverse paths or events by which He led us to the present situation” (Knowledge of God and Self-Knowledge. P. 121). So, with God’s help and for the glory of God, I will begin my unwise story, having received the blessing of Father John himself. First trip in 1893 Living outside the walls of an educational institution outside of public life, I, then still a young man, did not hear anything about the name of Father John until 1887. I remember that in the summer one zemstvo doctor asked me a question: had I heard anything about Father John of Kronstadt? In response to my negative answer, he then said that the newspapers were starting to say something wonderful about this person. Having entered the Theological Academy, I myself began to see news about Father John in the press. However, I had no desire to see Father John due to the sheer impossibility and distance from Kronstadt. The impossible became possible, and the distant, distant came closer. I remember a happy day: a fellow classmate, a few days before the end of exams in 1893, came up to me and said: would you like to go to Kronstadt? I readily agreed. Our guide was Father M. - a resident of Kronstadt, a retired midshipman sailor, then an Optina novice and then, with the blessing of Father John, a student at the Academy; he got in touch with Father John, and we need to be in Kronstadt by May 19th. There were only 9 of us gathered. The students' preparations did not take long; the next day we were already moving along the Nikolaevskaya railway to St. Petersburg. Before I had time to come to my senses and come to my senses after the exams, without even having time to have a snack for the journey, I felt a joyful upsurge of spirit in the carriage. If a child’s joy can be higher, purer, and fuller than the joy of an adult, then I am ready to call the feeling of joy experienced a child’s joy. A student who has completed the exam, having safely lifted the burden from his shoulders, will understand my feeling of joy, aggravated by the idea that I will see a famous shepherd and along the way I will see St. Petersburg for the first time. The rapid movement of the train seemed to impart speed to the flow of thought. I couldn’t even believe that I was going to Kronstadt; and in the morning, waking up in the carriage, I could not immediately understand where I was. This trip was so unexpected. The Nikolaev road to St. Petersburg is very monotonous and boring; earlier in my imagination it was pictured as more lively. The terrain is flat, monotonous, there are no frequent or large settlements, there are swamps and forests, the only thing that was not enough was for the beauty of the Finn - the sad stepson of nature. The wide Volga, which I knew from Yaroslavl to Samara, crossed by a bridge beyond Tver, is very small and does not have a proud and stately appearance here, it looks like a small river. At 2 o'clock in the afternoon on May 19, with a whistle, puffing and knocking, the locomotive rolled up to the Nikolaevsky station in St. Petersburg. Here is St. Petersburg - the capital of Russia, before which Moscow bowed. It was the first time I saw him, but for some reason I didn’t have the admiration with which I entered Moscow for the first time two years ago. It does not amaze with the abundance of churches, like Moscow; The sheer size of the houses, the regular layout of the streets, the movement of people, horse-drawn horses, and all kinds of carriages amazes you after Moscow. It feels creepy in this city among the huge houses, and the people who scurry, run and drive seem small. I understood why Muscovites like their Moscow. We drove along Nevsky Prospect in a group of cabs straight to the steamship pier - Kronstadt. From cabs, we visited the palaces: Anichkov, Grand Duke Sergius Alexandrovich, monuments: Bronze Horseman, Alexander Column, famous cathedrals: Kazan, St. Isaac's, buildings: Synod, Senate, etc. On the ship, after an hour and a half of sailing, we were already in Kronstadt in the evening (distance 30 versts). Swinging in a separate stagecoach, looking through the glass as best we could at the city, which, after St. Petersburg, is nothing special, we drove to St. Andrew’s Cathedral and stopped at the so-called “nunnery,” in a house belonging to Father John. Old girls led by A.T. live here and look after the pilgrims out of obedience. I was surprised by the cordiality with which they met Father M., whom they knew; They came up to him for blessing, some even shed tears, and I directly, of course, attributed respect for the rank to the influence of Father John. For us, as expected guests, a place was found - a bright, clean room was allocated; from her window you can see the church house and on the 2nd floor two or three rooms of Father John. Fortunately for us, the next day Father John will serve and give communion; he is now in St. Petersburg; by 9 o’clock, perhaps, he will return and stop by here; if there is time, he serves prayer services in this house in the evening and was there the day before. The evening was ours; We went to inspect the House of Diligence, built by Father John. It is located nearby on another street; the building is huge, 4-story, with a church and an inscription on it: “From the admirers of Father John.” With all the buildings, it costs up to 500,000 rubles, we were told. At first the capital was up to seventy thousand, the rest was donated by Father John, and the eternal capital for this house was 180,000 rubles (now up to 500,000 rubles). The House of Diligence is a whole city with many institutions: a church, a school, a Sunday school, a cutting and sewing school, a shoemaker's workshop, a people's canteen, a shelter and children's shelters, an almshouse, a reading room, a free hospital, etc., up to 26 institutions in total. Having received permission from the manager to inspect everything, we began to inspect the entire House of Diligence. First of all, some Osip took us to inspect the house church in the name of St. Alexander Nevsky, built for Father John. The church is made tastefully, in oak, the icons are magnificent, the image of the Savior on the glass in the altar is especially good; from the altar there is a staircase to the bottom for Father John. The sacristy surprised us with its wealth: rich icons, a chalice, tabernacles, rich golden vestments and other vestments and all made of the lightest material (one vestment is fifteen thousand), staves, silk cassocks, non-ecclesiastical things: glasses, etc. and all these are donations from royalty and rich admirers. “We would like a robe like this for the Academy,” one of us said jokingly. “Tell Father, he won’t say a word and will give you whatever you ask,” Osip said to this. “He already gives away a lot.” There is also the office of Father John, quite cozy, small, with icons and pictures: images of the Emperor and Empress, Bishop Jonathan of Yaroslavl, Father John’s mother, himself, writing utensils on the table. It must be rare that Father John comes here. From the church we went to the third floor, to the office, read a letter sent to Father John from Germany with a request to pray for the healing of the sick person; We went to a shelter for young children (there were about 23 boys and 22 girls). The premises are separate for them; Almost all of them are homeless orphans, they are dressed the same, clean, the bedrooms are clean; Classes were arranged separately, and exams took place on this day. The children gathered and sang: “King of Heaven,” “Our Father,” and “Glory to God in the highest.” They sing very harmoniously. “Here are the prayer books for Father John,” said one of those present. In the second half of the house, with another entrance, there are newly built rooms for travelers, common rooms for men and women, and separate rooms for wealthy people. On the second floor there is a hall for those present at the prayer service behind a double fence. The icons are large: Alexander Nevsky, St. Andrew the First-Called, the Holy Trinity, etc. The hall is spacious, there are parquet floors everywhere. They also opened for us the upper room of Father John, which consists of two rooms; it faces the courtyard with windows, on the side opposite St. Petersburg, on the sea. Well, what kind of view is this from here? I've never seen anything like this before! Artistic paintings cannot accurately reproduce this species. I am still in awe of this picture and now I see it, but can you describe it? This is what roughly opened up to the sea from here: the sea converged with the horizon, no different from it, and on this living and brilliant canvas, a ship stood out in relief with details, with fluttering sails - the ship was as if in the sky, a strong illusion. To the left could be seen a large stone fort, built, it seemed, out of thin air; ships standing, sailing and other vessels; even further to the left a mountainous and green coast could be seen in the distance; to the right there is still the same moving water, and under your feet there is a large forest, and even closer are the buildings, the people and the entire semicircle of the green island on which Kronstadt is located. It must be said that it was in the evening at sunset. The sun reflected on the water in different silver and golden colors. The silence is undisturbed... I didn’t want to take my eyes off such a picture; I couldn’t feel my legs under me from admiration. Father John is rarely in this room: for him, the beauty and depth of the human soul are more valuable. But it is impossible that he would not admire such beauties of the sea and nature! Here’s how he writes in one place in his diary: “I was walking by the sea in the evening on a steam ship and with a soul full of high satisfaction, I watched the sun set, shining with a wonderful light and illuminating the sunflower. It quickly sat down and, so to speak, descended underground: there remained half-light, which gradually turned into twilight; then the stars appeared. The silence was complete, the water was a mirror. What a wonderful eternal order! What wonderful harmony in endless creation! What firm, unchangeable laws!.. What a firm Hand that holds the universe! What bounties flow from Him to all creatures! It would seem that in such a world all earthly creatures should be happy and prosperous, especially the rational creature - man, but he is precisely not satisfied and not prosperous... He, this rational being, man, has all sorts of disorders in life, all sorts of internal and external disorders, all sorts of storms and unrest, all sorts of absurd teachings, often harmful to family, social and religious life, and from there all sorts of disorder, poverty, misery, illness and thousands of unusual deaths...” (The Truth about God, the World and Man. P. 204). And the pictures of nature raise the thought of the shepherd to the Almighty God and to man, the king of nature! From the top we went down and visited the outbuildings: we were in the pharmacy, in the weavers' workshop (up to 150 people weave baskets, receiving no 12 kopecks a day). What was funny here was the meeting of Father M. with some old sailor he also knew. The latter, for a long time without recognizing the former midshipman, when he finally found out, he shed tears and, without saying almost a word, proved his devotion and joy with gestures, keeping up with us, he kept running his hand over his throat, that is, “he is now ready, at the request of Father M., to lay his head.” We went to a bakery, where they sell bread, tea and sugar for one-and-a-half-kopeck and one-kopeck tickets; These tickets are sold everywhere, and the beggars use them to get bread. This method is an innovation of Father John, so that money does not go to waste on drinking wine. “Today, they said, 17–18 rubles worth of such tickets were sold.” Having finally examined the shelter and reading room, we left the House of Diligence. On the street, as on the next day, both sides were crowded with people, waiting for a deluge of alms given out daily by Father John or a person trusted by him. In the evening, by the fire, they read the rule and akathist, preparing for Communion. The monasteries sang in chorus, and the reading went on for a long time. I was too tired during the day, my legs were giving way. Having settled down on a good bed on the floor, I soon fell asleep in a heroic sleep; in my sleep, however, I heard that Father M. had gone and seen somewhere Father John, who had returned from St. Petersburg at about eleven o’clock. At 5 o'clock we were woken up: we had to go to matins and early, while there were few people. There were already people on the street and in St. Andrew's Cathedral; gathered for general confession. With difficulty, we were led behind the bars of the pulpit into the altar; there were clergymen there. They were waiting for Father John. Fifteen to twenty minutes later Father John appeared, unexpectedly for me; I saw him close to the altar; he entered the church through the side doors of the altar: through the crowd in the cathedral, he, of course, could not have reached the altar. And for the first time I see Father John in front of me. He quickly approached the throne, kissed it, prayed and began to warmly greet his colleagues. “Are these Academy students? – he asked, turning to us. “Let’s kiss brotherly, brotherly is better,” he said, blessing and kissing us. He did all this very quickly. I peer into his face; the face and movements are extraordinary. He is of average height, but looking at the photographic cards, I imagined him tall; unusually kind, lively, fresh and youthful for his age, short hair, not yet gray, and blue eyes, and they express a lot of love and simplicity, you just want to look into them. Dressed in a red robe, Father John began Matins. With a sharp (tenor) voice, he pronounces exclamations loudly, abruptly, animatedly, as if shouting them, shading the words, stretching out the syllables and pronouncing them quickly - in a recitative. “Glory to the Holy... Consubstantial... Life-giving, Indivisible Trinity...” It was felt that these words came from the heart, from the depths of the soul. And he also prayed especially. The outward expression of Father John showed that the entire intercessor was lost in prayer; he sometimes abandoned the sign of the cross and only bowed at the waist, folding his hands on his chest, raised his gaze to heaven, or at other moments leaned his elbows on the throne, closing his eyes and bowing his head, or stood on his knees for a long time before the throne without moving. And at the altar they give him no rest: at a convenient moment, one or the other comes up to him, some with a note, some with a verbal request, each with his own needs, and right there in the altar he gave advice and provided material assistance. He himself approached others with questions. I called Father M. over and handed him a bag of money. “This is a gift for the students,” he said, “I know they are poor people,” and he gave, it turned out, 300 rubles. And I remember that majestic moment when Father John, during Matins, approached the altar, fell on his knees, placed his hands crosswise on all kinds of notes about health and repose that were lying there, and remained motionless for ten minutes. It is clear what Father John prayed for before the Almighty Lord: without a doubt, like the Sufferer of Gethsemane, he, betraying to the will of God the names that You Yourself, Lord, weigh, burned with love for those asked and, like the intercessor - Moses or the Apostle Paul, is ready to lay down his soul for the weak and ailing brethren (Rom. 9:3). Only such a selfless and persistent prayer of a shepherd is bold! Lord, forgive their sin or blot me out of Your book, prayed the intercessor Prophet Moses (Ex. 32:32). “Lord Jesus Christ! You know that I will not come down from this stone, even if I had to die on it, and I will not taste either bread or water until you hear me...” prayed Saint Paul the Most Simple (Cheti-Minea, Oct. 4). Father John prays with such persistence and boldness. Father John always reads and sings the canon at Matins in the choir himself. He experiences what is contained in poems and chants, and this is heard in his expressive and sonorous voice. He is completely absorbed in this reading. Having imprinted this content on the soul, he wears it out alive, just as a sensitive photographic plate imprints objects. Sadness, joy, tenderness, contrition, hope, all this is heard in his reading. Reading it is like a conversation, a conversation. Matins ended, the liturgy began, and the choristers were already singing in the choir. Father John soon put on his clothes. After the proskomedia, he took out three Lambs, and from several baskets he took out only a few prosphoras. In a kamilavka, with a special blush on his face from inner warmed prayer, Father John began the liturgy in a conciliar manner. Sometimes he took the altar cross and, drawing strength from it, kissed it several times with tenderness or bowed his head on the throne. The further the liturgy went, the more inspired he became. During the great exit, the so-called cliques raised a strong cry and stamping. Father John, it seems, ordered them to be taken out, and the scream died down. The most important moments had arrived; the time for the transubstantiation of the Holy Gifts was approaching. After the Cherubim Song, Father John leaned his elbows on the throne, covered his face with his hands and froze, as it were, in this position. It seems that his thoughts hovered where the Great High Priest, going to self-immolation, abandoned by everyone, was exhausted under the weight of His cross. “Christ is alive and active in our midst,” Father John said to the concelebrants after the exclamation, “let us love one another.” Having risen, as it were, and strengthened even more by prayer, he begins to pronounce sacred words and exclamations. “Woe are our hearts,” he exclaims, raising his hands. His spirit has been hovering there for a long time - at the Throne of God, and now he wants to lift it there with the help of his wings, calling those who are coming. The words of the Great High Priest of Christ are pronounced at the institution of the Holy Sacrament: “This is My Body... drink of it, all of you: this is My Blood...” Deep faith and reverence can be heard in the words of the speaker: it is felt that he stands before the very Throne of God and offers the all-righteous, propitiatory sacrifice of the Lamb Himself - Christ. Great moment! The nuanced words “for you... about everyone and everything” involuntarily touched the heart and consciousness of those praying. “And for me, then,” flashed through my consciousness, “the Most Pure Body is refracted and the Blood is shed, for all the living and the dead, and who is sacrificed? Himself – He, “the one who offers and the one offered” – is the Lord?!” With one heart, prayer truly ascended and burned: the mediator, the shepherd, through prayer and the grace of Christ, warmed and brought hearts closer to God. Tears flowed abundantly from his eyes, and he wiped them away with one handkerchief or another. Prayers were read for invoking the Holy Spirit and consecrating the Holy Gifts... “God appeared in the flesh,” his words are heard, the words of unshakable faith. At once there seemed to be sorrow for the humiliation of the God-man, and His closeness to us, and love for Him, who so loved the world, and joy for the salvation of man, and the desire to suffer for Him, the Crusader. Some kind of special spiritual joy, heavenly peace was reflected on the face of Father John - the fatigue and sorrow that were noticeable earlier were gone. “It’s wonderful,” he says about himself, “I am renewed by the Divine Mysteries of the Body and Blood of Christ every day until now, until the 70th year of my life, and no matter how old I grow old, I am kept fresh and vigorous in my soul and body by grace. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this and for all the mercies of my Lord, Jesus Christ. And how many His powers, how many victories He accomplished in my inner world - there is no number! Glory, glory, glory to God in the Trinity!” The Liturgy ended, and analogies were placed on the pulpit. Father John came out with a missal. The cathedral was full of people, the mass of people was from 4 to 5 thousand, only the heads of this single living body were visible from the pulpit. We left the altar and stood near Father John, turning to the people. The general confession began. “Sinners and sinners like me,” began Father John, “you came to this church to bring to the Lord Jesus Christ, our Savior, repentance of sins and a desire to begin the Holy Mysteries. Have you prepared to receive this great Sacrament? Listen, we will read prayers of repentance.” And Father John begins to read loudly, expressively and with feeling the first prayer of repentance. “God, our Savior... This prayer needs to be interpreted and explained.” And he begins to simply, clearly explain the prayer he read. “In this prayer to God the Father, the First Person of the Most Holy Trinity, the All-Good, Holy, All-Wise, Omnipresent Lord, the Holy Church prays to have mercy on sinners, to forgive their sins, just as the Lord once had mercy on the king and prophet David, who sinned gravely.” Father John spoke in detail about the grave sin of King David, who, having killed Uriah, married a beautiful Jewish woman and was not aware of his sin... “The Lord God had mercy on the lost sinner and sent the prophet Nathan to admonish him. King David repented, mourned his sin, and the Lord, through his sorrowful prayer, forgave him. A man like King David, meek, pious, wise, holy man, prophet, fell deeply. How easy it is for a person to sin! How much vigilance you need to take care of yourself when faced with the temptations of the devil!.. Another Jewish king, Manasseh, also fell away from God, fell into idolatry and angered God with his iniquities... The Lord’s patience was exhausted: Manasseh was taken captive, his hands and feet were chained, and he, like an animal, shamefully languished in a dark prison. The punishment, the visitation of God, humbled him: in captivity he came to his senses, realizing his sin, humbled himself, and became “silk.” Manasseh repented, began to pray fervently, cried day and night about his errors, and the Lord forgave him too... In the person of these two kings, who sinned gravely, the Church presents us with examples of sincere repentance. The Lord God is a terrible Judge, everyone is equal before Him, and kings are subject to judgment... But can we condemn kings who have sinned? Who among us is without sin, who is not proud? Who isn't ambitious? Who has not offended his neighbor? How strong sin is!..” Father John reads and interprets in the same way the second prayer to the Chief Shepherd, the Lord Jesus. Pointing to the Gospel examples of repentant and forgiven sinners mentioned in the prayer, Father John invites everyone to come to their senses, grieve and cry about their sins. “We are unpaid debtors before God, called to be a “holy nation,” people of renewal, of royal sanctification. We are told: You will be holy, just as I am holy (1 Peter 1:16). The righteous and terrible Judge the Lord did not have mercy on the fallen spirits who were proud against Hero Himself, condemning them to eternal torment. We sinners sin every minute and anger the Lord. Why are we given such leniency? God the Father sent His beloved Son into the world, who took upon Himself the sins of the whole world, suffered for the sins of people, lifted the curse, and delivered us from eternal torment through His suffering on the cross. Only He, the Son of God, and not man, could do this. God the Father gave Him all the power of judgment over people. The Lord handed over the power to the apostles, and they to the bishops and priests, including me, a sinner - Priest John, the power to allow those who repent, to forgive or not forgive sins, depending on whether they repent sincerely and with contrition of heart or not. To receive forgiveness, you must sincerely, ardently, and heartily repent. Forgiveness is only available to us in the Church, and not to heretics and sectarians. It depends on the shepherds of the Church, even if they are unworthy. What is repentance?.. Repentance is a gift of God, given to us for the merits of the Only Begotten Son of God, who fulfilled all the truth of God. Repentance is a gift given for self-reproach and self-reproach. Repentance is a firm intention to leave one’s former sinful life, to be renewed, to be reconciled with God and with one’s conscience. Repentance is a firm hope that the Merciful Lord will forgive all our sins. Just as rotten twigs and branches fall away from a tree, so unrepentant sinners fall away from the Head - the Vine of Christ - and perish. Brothers and sisters, do you repent and want to correct your life? Are you aware of your sins? Did you pray to God? Have you been drinking? Have you committed adultery, deceived, perjured, envied, been malicious, or stolen? Yes, you have many, many sins, you can’t even count them all... Repent,” Father John finished his words loudly and authoritatively, “repent of what you have sinned!” Here, in general terms, is the teaching of Father John. It, as you see, is simple and, like all other teachings of the venerable shepherd, does not stand out from the ordinary. But this word is in grace, mixed with salt (Col. 4:6), a word of authority, strong (1 Cor. 2:4; 4:20); this word, like a sharp edge, penetrated into the depths of the heart, illuminating all the recesses of the soul, this word burned the hearts of people, presenting them before the face of the All-Seeing, Bright, Merciful Lord... Everything that was previously unclean there, invisible, unconscious, secret, all of this came out... So from the strong boiling of the cauldron, all the dirt floats out and spins at the top... I, like the others, began to listen to the teaching without much interest, coldly. But after a few minutes, a special mood seemed to begin to descend from somewhere, to embrace the people’s soul, something began to rise in it and made it stronger and stronger to worry, to feel the truth of the preacher’s words. He seemed to imperiously take the soul, dragging it along with him. Light sighs are heard. At first, the entire mass of the people became silent, as if frozen, but then movement began; it, like lava, comes from the depths of the soul. Sighs become deeper, tears begin to flow into the eyes, easing mental anguish. Another moment, a few more words from the imperious preacher, and sobs are heard; the soul, hardened, mired in sinful vanity, opens up, sees its nakedness, desires to be freed from dirt and darkness... I surrender to this previously unexperienced feeling; I feel that there are tears in my eyes, they are starting to flow, they are flowing, pure, repentant, grace-filled tears and for everyone around me. The sobs are heard more and more loudly. Soul-tearing cries are heard: “Father, forgive me, pray for us; we are all sinners." The mope began to rage, it became so noisy that Father John’s speech could not be heard. “Hush, hush,” he says, establishing silence, directing his gaze to different parts of the church, making quick gestures with his hand, “listen...” The noise and screams subside, but then with new force, with the strong, burning words of the preacher, they increase and embrace everyone... Be holy, as I am holy (1 Peter 1:16), - Father John pronounces the words of the apostle and again cuts the heart like a knife, and like thunder the people's cry for mercy and forgiveness is heard and rolls in the cathedral, and for a while a stormy hurricane of the people's roar is interrupted sermon, and the preacher tries to establish silence... “Sinless Lord,” the shepherd will say loudly again, and the entire congregation of sinners again cries and cries... When at the end of the sermon Father John said the words: “Repent, repent,” it is impossible to convey what happened: the cries and sobs that had been restrained and delayed earlier broke out like heavy rain and a torrent after a thunderstorm; everything that had boiled in my soul, all the bitterness poured out. A terrible noise arose, a cry of repentance. Some sobbed loudly, some fell on their faces with tears, some stood as if in a daze... Many confessed their sins out loud... “I was a sinner, I swore, I forgot God, I was angry, I got drunk,” and the like. Each repented in his own way, but everything amounted to a repentant cry and cry... This picture can never be forgotten... Father John is also majestic in these moments - he, the shepherd of the verbal flock, whose word kindled the fire of grace in these repentant hearts, himself stood in plain sight on the pulpit, touched, shocked. His gaze was turned to the sky, and he prayed, crossing his arms over his chest. What did he feel and experience at these moments? Nowhere more than here did he feel his power and mediation between the Lord the Savior and between repentant sinners, for whose sake the Good Shepherd left 99 unlost sheep, the soul of each of which was purchased by the Blood of Jesus Christ, and he, the shepherd, mentally raised these souls to the Throne of God, to the One Intercessor, prayed for their cleansing and revival, prayed with boldness, for I saw tears of repentance. As a friend of the grooms, he rejoiced for these lost sheep returning to the sheepfold... This mysterious moment is majestic, solemn, incomparable to anything earthly. Heaven is reconciled with earth, sinners with the Most Holy, Beginningless God. There is no greater joy on earth than this; even the Angels rejoice in it (Luke 15:7:10). “Repent, repent,” the call was heard again. “Are you all repenting, are you all trying to improve?” Everyone started talking among the people. Tears rolled down Father John's face, he took upon himself the burden of sins, was touched by God's love, grieved for his brethren, and the sinners around him, seeing the grief of their beloved shepherd, became even more aware of their sin and burst into great sobs and tears... So 5-10 minutes passed. Father John wiped away his tears, crossed himself and, when everything fell silent, carefully examining the crowd, he said loudly: “Listen... to me, like to all priests, God has granted the power to knit and solve the sins of people... I will read the prayer of permission. Bow your heads: I will cover you with the stole, I will bless you, and you will receive forgiveness of sins from the Lord...” The heads of the crowd of thousands bowed, and Father John blesses and forgives the people with the power given to him, laying the stole on some of those standing nearby. After this the Holy Mysteries were brought out; loudly behind Father they read the prayer before communion: “I believe, Lord, and I confess.” Purified by repentance, souls reconciled with the Lord began to approach the Holy Chalice with quiet joy and reverence, partook of the Body and Blood of the Lord, and thereby became sanctified, reborn, and came to life for Christ. I was among the first to receive communion. The communion of the large crowd continued for more than two hours. There was a strong crush from the large crowd of people; Some were mercilessly pressed against the bars until they lost consciousness. Another priest came out of the nearest chapel with a chalice, but the people wanted to receive communion from the hands of Father John, and they came to him. After a prayer of gratitude, radiant with joy, strengthened for everyday struggle, the people, venerating the Cross, began to disperse from St. Andrew's Cathedral... From the cathedral we hurried to the photograph; Our festive mood after the spiritual meal increased even more from the fact that Father John agreed to film with us. The photograph is placed on the 3rd or 4th floor on Gospodskaya Street. While waiting for Father John's arrival, we looked at a collection of his photographs; different expressions of his face, different emotional moods were imprinted here, but all the cards, in general, poorly depict the living face of Father John. I liked one image of him, where his mournful face was imprinted. We met Father John as if we were already dear, close, we grabbed him by the arms, and he, then already sixty years old, quickly climbed the stairs, congratulated us on receiving the Holy Mysteries, was affectionate, smiled cheerfully and talked to us tirelessly in photographs, asking who was where, and we didn’t want to hide anything from him, we wanted to speak out. He treated us with fatherly affection, I remember he patted me on the back, and we huddled and crowded under his caress. How good it was in our souls, we would like to extend this moment, and we were surprised and caught our eye by one coincidence: on May 20, the whole day was cloudy and rainy, and the photographer, consoling us, said that it was still possible to shoot in cloudy weather. But when Father John came upstairs and the photographer seated our group, the sun seemed to be just waiting: it shone brightly in the photograph. One of us remarked: “Where Father is, there is light.” “My light,” Father John answered meekly, “is not mine, but Christ’s.” I remember well that in the morning everything was cloudy and then in the evening it rained, so we had to hide from the rain. Taking advantage of the time of meeting with Father John, some of us resolved issues in our lives here in photography: one of us, who had just completed the course, took the blessing to become a rural priest. “It is in the village that especially learned priests are needed,” said Father John, blessing him. Another of those sitting accepted the blessing to become a monk and immediately took up his rosary. “I don’t know a better way for young people,” said Father John, “how to give all of themselves to the service of the Church with all their untapped, untouched strength, if only this path of life is chosen out of conviction.” While we were filming, the hospitable hosts prepared tea for Father John and asked him to bless the meal; we came too. Father John, pouring himself a glass of wine, clinked glasses with us, expressing various good wishes. We did not retreat from him for a minute, we filled him with cards, asking him to sign, and there was no end to our delight. Father John took an orange from the table. “Many,” he noted, “are addicted to a rich meal, are proud of it and eat it, as if performing a sacred ceremony, but we must look down on food: by eating a product of nature, we thereby do it an honor. What is higher - man or food, and who should serve whom? However, Father John could not be with us for long: they were waiting for him in many places, and he was in a hurry, promising to come to our apartment; we saw him off in a fast cab, but even then we clung to him and ran after him, not lagging behind the cab. When we arrived at our apartment, Father John was already there, and the rooms were already crowded with people. He sorted out the confusion of some Tolstoyan, read his letter, and gave explanations. To reproach Father John for the fact that he, the ideal shepherd, defends war, Father John said: “Even now I will not give up my views - Christianity does not reject war, there will be wars until the end of the world, and we Russians, in most cases, are not waging an offensive war, but a defensive one.” He then spoke about the letter about the significance of our Orthodox worship, its educational quality, beauty, holiness and love of the Mother Church. “In the church,” he said, “the entire economy of our salvation is reproduced in persons and actions; and church hymns and prayers are the breath of the Holy Spirit, the only trouble is that they concern only our hearing, and not the inner sanctuary of the soul, and therefore are not understandable. The Church is a quiet haven for our ever-worried life. A Christian without the Church is like a fish without water, the Church is his native element - life. How they do not understand the spirit of the Church! – he added about the holy Orthodox Church. - What a countless number she, like a tender mother, saved in her depths. You saw how today this large crowd of strangers, by the grace of the Holy Spirit, was pacified, received relief and strengthened to fight sin: no one is denied here. I am invigorated and alive by divine services and Communion of the Holy Mysteries. It gives me strength for my life's journey. I perform the liturgy every day, unless I am on the road... Oh, if sectarians and unbelievers understood the height and beauty of the Christian ideal and our worship, they would forget their houses of prayer and their false shepherds, leaders. Priests in worship receive strength and reinforcement for their ministry. Shepherding is a great power even today. Life is not bad even now. The living conditions are the same, and the people are the same as they were before, only we need to work and carry out the same feat that the early Christians did. And in the distant future, life will not change at all. Workers and doers are always possible and will always be welcomed by everyone. I say again, you just need to work and work on yourself day and night. The Kingdom of God is on earth, inside us, and not somewhere out there, in the distant space of the sun and constellations and unknown islands.” After reading the letter and talking about it, Father John still stayed with us for a few minutes; he again treated us to a meal prepared by the admirers. There was one glass on the table. He poured it. “Gentlemen, we have,” he said, “one cup of life.” After drinking a little, he began to treat us one by one, adding wine. He gave some people a sip two or three times. “Which of you all is the palest?” - he said, giving the rest to drink, and said something heartfelt, affectionate, sweet to everyone. He cut and distributed white bread to us. “Don’t starve them,” he instructed our hostess. Some heads disappeared in his arms, others he kissed on the forehead, on the head. It was good then. They began to say goodbye. Having blessed again, Father John hurried to the crowd waiting for him in the next room. There was a crush and crowding: everyone crowded towards him, caught his hand to kiss, grabbed his cassock with tears and requests, there was a crash in the closet... With difficulty, Father John made his way forward... something was torn from him. Outside the gate, which was locked, the voices of others were heard, waiting for him. The usual scene began, which happens among the people where Father John is. In the evening, Father John left through St. Petersburg for Moscow. After a hard day, one could have rested, but the working day for Father John had just begun. The next morning, I left my fellow companions and, through St. Petersburg and Moscow, headed to the banks of the Volga, home... All the pilgrims who filled the cathedral scattered across wide Rus'. We left with a feeling of gratitude to God for having attended a general confession with Father John, receiving communion from his hands, and seeing Father. And for a long, long time they will remember the consolation received in Kronstadt. Yes, it means a lot to meet such a person - a true follower of Christ - at least once. Contemporaries said about St. Anthony the Great: “Who, coming to him sad, did not return cheerful? Who, when he came angry, did not change his anger to meekness? Who has not tempered the grief of orphanhood at the sight of him? What monk, tired of his exploits, did not receive cheerfulness from his instructions? What young man, having seen Saint Anthony and listened to him, did not renounce pleasures and begin to love chastity? How many virgins with grooms, only having seen him from afar, passed into the rank of brides of Christ? When Anthony died, it was as if everyone had become orphans, lost their father...” They also said about St. Seraphim of Sarov: “What was most delightful was his conversation... His speech was so effective that the listener received spiritual benefit from it. His conversations were filled with the spirit of humility, warmed the heart, removed a kind of veil from the eyes, illuminated the minds of his interlocutors with the light of spiritual conversation, brought them to a feeling of repentance and aroused a decisive change for the better, unwittingly conquered the will and hearts of others, spread peace and silence... the power of the word, salted with grace, certainly produced its effect... for everyone, living water flowing was enough from the lips of the former silent man, a humble and wretched old man... Everyone felt his benevolent, truly kindred love and its strength, and streams of tears sometimes burst out from such people who had a hard and petrified heart...” (Eldership. P. 82, 83:84). This is how the grace of Christ works on the good soil of believers! The personality of the spiritual leader of the people irresistibly, both by word and by his living example, acts on receptive soil. According to St. Tikhon, a monk, leaving his cell, returns changed. In a favorable sense, a person returns from Kronstadt differently: here, in the light of the Word of God and the power of the Spirit of God, the shepherd in confession illuminates the entire sinful life and calls with authority to another, holy, sinless one. Here, from the inexhaustible source of grace, forgiveness of sins and a joyful feeling of new life are given... The Prophet Isaiah, when he felt Seraphim touch his lips with a burning coal with the words: Behold, I will touch your lips, and he will take away your iniquities and cleanse your sins - to the call of the Lord: “Whom will I send, and who will go?” - fearlessly and boldly exclaimed: “Here I am, send me” (Is. 6:7:8). Father John powerfully takes possession of the hearts of the people, and the people are ready to respond to his call: “Here we are,” and are ready to follow him, wherever he, their shepherd, would lead. Many examples were also pointed out in the press about how those who visited Kronstadt completely changed their former, sinful life into an active, godly one. A living example has an irresistible, stronger effect on people than any word. “Get closer to the righteous,” says St. Isaac, and through them you will draw closer to God. Treat those who have humility and you will learn their morals. For if the view of such is beneficial, how much more is the teaching of their lips” (Homily 57). “He who follows in the footsteps of holiness,” says Saint Gregory of Nyssa, “can partake of this holiness... Just as from one burning lamp the flame is transmitted to all other lamps that touch it, and, despite this, the first light does not decrease, although through communication it is equally given to those who borrow their light from it, so the holiness of this life successively spreads from the one who has succeeded in it to those who approach him, for the truly prophetic word is that he who deals with the venerable, innocent and chosen, himself becomes such ( Ps.17:26:27)" (vol. 5, p. 389). Of us, the nine guests of Father John at that time, only two remained in a secular rank, and seven people went into pastoral work; of them now there are two, Father M. and V.M., bishops, two archimandrites in prominent positions and three priests. Although, perhaps, we are destined for good impulses, but are not given the opportunity to accomplish anything, we nevertheless went out to do it at the call of the shepherd Father John, with his blessing, prompted by his word and example. What is Christ's holy works? Created - and saw for the first time He has a good heart and eyes, About eternal truth in heaven. Second trip in 1895 and third in 1902 ...Your fate is many. Finishing my course at the Theological Seminary, I could not even imagine myself in the rank of priest. I did not have a heart for him, either because seminary science did not give me a living example, or because I myself could not yet understand myself. I shuddered at the thought that if I did not enter the Academy, I would have to enter life and take some place in it. It was unclear to me about my future service at first and here - during my stay at the Academy: I didn’t want to put on a cassock. But I went to Kronstadt, saw how a worthy shepherd acts in the midst of our troubled life, and a turn towards the priesthood began in my convictions and aspirations; This was also facilitated by the Venerable’s stay within the walls of the Lavra, lectures on pastoral theology, classes and conversations with comrades. In 1894, towards the end of the course, before the death of my father, I asked him, the dying man, for advice and blessing for this title, that is, for accepting the priesthood... Three days before the end of the final exams in 1895, I again unexpectedly decided to go with others, under the leadership of the same Father M., to Kronstadt to receive a blessing from Father John. On June 2, 9 people arrived in Kronstadt, and the day before 8 people with Father M. preceded us; we all stayed at the House of Diligence. It turned out that before those who arrived, Father John administered communion that day and talked with them for an hour and a half. In his conversation, among other things, he said: “I advise you, friends, to accept the priesthood: although there are many temptations and sorrows for a priest in serving, there is much consolation for that.” These words answered the purpose of my visit - to receive a blessing to serve as a priest. The next day, June 3 (Saturday), general confession was scheduled (it must have been introduced by Father John in 1887 or 1888). In the morning we were just before six o'clock in time for Matins. Father John was somewhat ahead of us. With the question: “New arrival or old?” (there were three of us from before) Father John greeted us brotherly and kindly thanked us for coming. Matins began. Of course, as always, he read the canon himself with emotion and emotion. I still stood in the altar, and I didn’t want to take my eyes off Father John - his features became so dear to me, and there was so much spirituality in them! He completely immersed himself in prayer, again conversed with the invisible world, the inner fire was felt and manifested itself in his sometimes tender, sometimes sorrowful gaze, sometimes in impetuous movements, in the very reading and exclamations and in his fiery prayer, manifested by prayerful sighs and internal tears. And I will say again: how easy it is to pray with him, he inspires prayer and other worshipers... St. Andrew's Cathedral was full, that is, there were from 4 to 5 thousand people. Three Lambs were prepared at the proskomedia, and 7 bottles of wine were poured into three chalice. The liturgy began. Father John immerses himself in prayer. “Only Begotten Son...” - they sang in the choir, Father John impulsively takes the cross from the throne, whispers a prayer with emotion and enthusiasm, and at the words: “Crucified for us...” - kisses the cross several times. He prays persistently, impulsively, does not ask, but demands, sometimes he bows his forehead to the throne, as if in a daze. After the Great Entrance, during which, starting from the altar, Father John says: “He was brought out of the city and crucified,” he follows in the footsteps of the Savior to Gethsemane, to Golgotha ​​and to the Upper Room of Zion, follows and falls at His feet with his love, grieves with Him and prays for all the weak brethren. It is felt that the shepherd with his whole being tangibly senses the presence of Himself, the Lamb - the Lord. Repentant sorrow for a person’s sins is replaced after the consecration of the Holy Gifts by love and joy about the Sacrifice. The shepherd's sorrowful tears fight and are overcome by the joyful delight of victory over sin and death. And his face brightens with love, peace and tranquility. He repeats some expressions in a low voice. “Today the Lord of creation and the Lord of glory is nailed to the cross...” he can be heard reading to enhance the religious feeling. “Everything endures for my sake, for me, for the sake of the condemned...” Having said the exclamation, he continues the chant of the choir in almost the same tone... “A victory song... saying: Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord”... And those praying at the great moments of the liturgy are seized with horror, their soul touches the terrible Sacrifice, with their soul they feel the full importance of what is happening and what is being experienced by the shepherd and them. After all, their heart is invested in this prayer, united by the Head - the Presenting Lamb. “During “We sing to You,” writes Father John, “the whole church, everyone present in the church should pray with the celebrants, so that the Heavenly Father would send down His Holy Spirit on us and on the Gifts that are presented, and read the prayer to themselves: Lord, like Your Most Holy Spirit. At this time, not a single soul should remain cold, but every soul should be inflamed with love for God... for at this moment the terrible Life-Giving Sacrament is performed - the transformation by the Spirit of God of bread and wine into the Most Pure Body and Blood of Christ, and God in the flesh appears on the throne” (vol. 6, p. 84). “The holy seed is the foundation of peace (Isaiah 6:13). This is the holy seed by which the sinful world stands, I think during the liturgy, looking at the Most Pure Body and Life-Giving Blood of Christ. “This is who I, a sinner, still stand and have not fallen completely.” After the liturgy, general confession. The impression from her is again indescribable. Its content is the same as before, that is, the reading and explanation of prayers of repentance, but much shorter. The shepherd feels when with his words he will soften a rough, unrepentant heart and when he can be admitted to the Holy Sacraments. Again he burned the hearts of those present with a fiery word, again the roar of contrition and repentance interrupted and responded to his words, and he called for silence. Especially indescribable, of course, is the important moment of general repentance, contrition and sobbing before the prayer of permission. The soul opened up, and everything hidden at the bottom of the soul surfaced in cries of tearful repentance. Everyone felt how far he was from his Prototype, how unclean and ugly his soul was from many sins, and how good it would be to free himself from this burden and stand closer to Him - the Most Holy Being. The Lord Himself grieves for us with love, He who was crucified for our sake, and His shepherd prays for us and sheds tears. He will forgive us, like the prodigal son, the publican, the thief, the harlot... And the wounds of the heart open - sins of knowledge and ignorance. And the shepherd Father John, standing in full view of everyone, the intercessor, uniting everyone in prayer and taking upon himself, as it were, the sins of the contrite souls, himself offers up a tearful prayer for them and a tender gaze to the place from where forgiveness descends for sinners, that is, to the Throne of God’s Love and Truth. A prayer of permission was read, and absolution was given; began to begin Holy Communion... After communion with some sick people at home, Father John came into our room. Having blessed our meal, he signed the cards and expressed special good wishes to the new candidates who had just completed the course. As before, the young students rejoiced at the fatherly affection of Father John. I don’t remember what they talked about or asked; I only remember that it was good to sit and talk with Father John. Having eaten a little with us, Father John invited us to a spiritual meal the next day, that is, to receive another communion, and soon left us. The next day, June 4, he served Matins and early liturgy in the chapel; we again witnessed the prayer of Father John, and he honored us with Communion of the Most Pure Mysteries for the second time 11. After the liturgy, at our request, he served us a farewell prayer service. At about eleven o'clock he stopped by the same photograph and took a photo with us. Again we were in a cordial, warm atmosphere in the presence of Father. There were 16 of us; I had the good fortune to sit next to him in this second group, although I was older. When they saw off Father John, on one of the landings of the stairs I asked Father John for his blessing to accept the priesthood. “God bless,” he said, blessing me. Right there on the stairs, another one of us asked for a blessing for the same journey... I don’t have information about all the people in this group, but I know that some of them accepted monasticism and the priesthood... “And thank God! - says Father John. – The shepherds have now ardently taken up their holy work of shepherding, excited and encouraged by their archpastors... Now is a shaky, rebellious, stormy time. Sectarians and schismatics diligently sow the tares of false teachings among the people, trying to tear away simple-minded people from the Church, but the grace of God is stronger than the wiles of the enemy, for: greater is He who is in us, that is, the Lord, than he who is in the world, that is, the spirit of flattery and malice (1 John 4:4), the Lord will put all His enemies under His feet (1 Cor. 15:25). And we will be His zealous followers, as the apostle says: For we are God’s followers” ​​(1 Cor. 3:9). (Word for October 19, 1899.) Seven years have passed. During this time, rumors about Father John and his fame grew. In 1894, his journey along the Volga was like a triumphal procession; in the same 1894 he visited Crimea. More than once he visited his homeland - Sura, Arkhangelsk province, and also visited Astrakhan. In 1901, Father John visited Kyiv. Over the past seven-year period, my desire and intention to accept the priesthood has been fulfilled. It pleased the will of God to show me a place of service far from my homeland. The will of God, according to the words of St. Theophan the Recluse, puts the circumstances of life in such a way that all that remains is to slide downhill, as it were; So circumstances and my heart drew me into the unknown. From my new place of service, my thoughts were often carried away to Kronstadt. Many times I had to write to Father John in Kronstadt, asking for his prayers for the sick and ailing. I sometimes received notifications from Sh. that Father John was praying at one time or another. As an inexperienced shepherd, perplexities arose in me, and I addressed them to Father John. He once honored me with a reply letter dated March 28, 1901... He delighted me beyond words by sending me in 1900 a complete collection of his works with the signature: “In fraternal memory.” In his diary I found the solution to many, many perplexing questions of pastoral activity. But no other gift could be more precious to me and higher than the epitrachelion received from him on New Year’s Day, 1901, worn by him and, of course, priceless to me. In the summer of 1902, I again had the idea of ​​visiting Father. I am writing to Kronstadt. On August 16, in the evening I receive a telegram: “Dear father, I’m glad to see you in Kronstadt - welcome. P.Sh.” On September 5, I again saw Father John before Matins in the same altar of St. Andrew's Cathedral, and together with others I greeted him. He has aged over the past seven years, but is still vigorous and quick in his movements. He went to St. Petersburg to serve the Liturgy at some courtyard. The next day, September 6, a general confession was scheduled. Matins consisted of reading and singing the canon; Father John read, having first said loudly: “Repentant canon!” During the singing of the Great Doxology, we clergy, mostly visiting priests, read the entrance prayer. Besides Father John, there were twelve of us. All visiting clergy are allowed into the altar and can always concelebrate with Father John; There are a lot of them, especially lately. For the first time I saw Father John wearing a miter. Okay she goes to him. He himself took out four Lambs, and up to fifteen bottles of wine were poured into four large chalice... Having given his blessing to the deacon to begin the liturgy, Father John said to us, already vested and standing near the throne, before the first exclamation: “Bless, holy fathers, to celebrate the world-saving Divine Liturgy.” And I served with Father John at the Throne of God, and again I saw and felt how great the sorrow and love of the shepherd, how comprehensive, fervent and bold his prayer before the Supreme High Priest, Who comes to sacrifice and give food to the faithful. “Take, eat, this (pointing to all four Lambs) is My Body... this is My Blood,” he said, standing half-turned towards the throne and the people. And now I seem to see his inspired face, his voice of unshakable faith and his very gesture. At the general confession, Father John said and began to explain the text of the scripture: What is man, remember him (Heb. 2:6). He spoke about the greatness of man in comparison with other soulless creatures, since man alone was created in the image and likeness of God. But man sinned, angered God, fell away from God, breaking the commandment. The Lord came to earth to save man, suffered for man, and shed blood. But we, bought and redeemed, do we remember our calling? No, with our sins we anger God again and again... There is a way for us to get closer to God - to cleanse ourselves, to repent... This word remained, as it were, unfinished: a popular uproar arose, and Father John left the word and went to the altar... Before Communion, the prayer of repentance was read loudly and with feeling by the priest, and it caused tears and cries, especially when sins were mentioned: “What sin have I not committed; I have not imagined any evil in my soul; already done the deeds; fornication, adultery, pride, arrogance, reproach, blasphemy, idle talk, laughter, drunkenness, guttural rage, gluttony, hatred, envy, love of money, covetousness, covetousness, self-love, love of glory, theft, untruth, ill-gain, slander, lawlessness.” Father John was in the chapel, praying, strengthened by prayer, came out again, read Psalm 31. “Blesseds, by whom iniquities have been forgiven and sins forgiven... I said: I will reveal my iniquity to the Lord, and You have forsaken the wickedness of my heart... My joy, deliver me from those who have bereaved me. Don’t be like a horse or a mule that is forced to walk by the force of a bridle... voluntarily draw closer to the Lord.” In explanation of these verses, Father John spoke about the happy state of sinless people, about the meaning of the Sacrament of Confession, where the Lord forgives our sins and iniquities. He called those present to reveal their sins—to confession. After his words: “Repent, repent,” a general cry of repentance arose; then there was a general resolution, and with a feeling of contrition I bowed my head under the epitrachelion, which Father was shifting from one head to another of those standing nearby. The liturgy ended at about ten o'clock; Father John gave communion to the crowd for more than two hours. He began to get more tired. While the Holy Chalice was filled with the Holy Gifts or changed, he was strengthened by prayer: he would come up to the throne, kneel down, bowing his head on the throne, and pray like this for some time. The crush was strong. They brought cripples and various sick people in their arms for communion. They were passed out of turn or carried behind the first wooden grate to the pulpit and brought to the Holy Chalice. The faces of others were emaciated, pale, exhausted by grief and illness, but in their tender gazes faith in the life-giving power of the Holy Mysteries shone and a ray of hope for relief lit up. After the liturgy, Father John came into my room. He spoke to me for a little while. While I was still dear, so as not to forget what to ask, I wrote down something on a piece of paper, but at this time most of these questions seemed unnecessary. The main thing was to see Father John and thank him for his prayer... On the same day I visited P.O.Ya., a man close to Father John. He reveres Father. The subject of the conversation was, of course, Father John. Father John had to endure a lot of insults and ridicule from those around him, P.O. said, among other things; the lower members were the clergy and then he bowed, asking for forgiveness. A serious dangerous illness must have had a great influence on Father John: he was seriously ill for seven weeks, and they did not think that he would get up. After his illness, he began to serve the Lord who raised him from his sick bed with greater zeal. When, exhausted by illness, he came to the cathedral for the first time, he invited everyone to prayer: “Brothers and sisters, let us pray with me to the Lord...” During the service of this prayer service, one woman had one significant vision, which she told Father John about and that many involved and close people know. This vision was later depicted by the artist in the painting. Some barefoot, wretched wanderer came here once, P.O. said; while talking with others, suddenly he got up in the middle of the conversation and hastily, as if answering some call, went; went straight to meet Father John. They met as if they were familiar faces and had known each other for a long time, although they had not met before. Father John said to this wanderer: “The Lord opened the hearts of people to me and gave me a book of sorrows.” The next day I asked Father for permission to serve the liturgy with him in St. Petersburg, where he wanted to go. I boarded the Lyubezny steamer in advance, which takes him to St. Petersburg. The ship is very small; there were about ten of us and the ship's employees. The morning was cool, the wind was strong and cold, and the ship was rocking violently. One timid lady was terribly afraid of the pitching and rolling waves, but I felt a kind of enthusiasm: my spirit was lifted by the thought that I was sailing with a faithful disciple of Christ, That Christ who calmed the storm with a word and promised to be with his disciples. Father John was upstairs almost all the time; he loves the cold; Only for 10–15 minutes did he go down to the cabin to rest. There were not many people in the house church of the 1st Real School, where Father John served, so serving here was like a vacation for him... And there were communicants. Father John spoke the lesson at the daily Apostolic reading: Let man therefore despise us, as we are servants of Christ and builders of the mysteries of God (1 Cor. 4:1). In explanation, he spoke of the great importance of the pastoral title and ministry. He said that the flock should honor their shepherds, especially those who labor in the word, even if they are not worthy. Grace is also given through unworthy shepherds. If shepherds carry out their ministry carelessly, then they themselves bear punishment for this; Even the worst rumors about them serve as punishment for them... And on September 8, on the feast of the Nativity of the Virgin Mary, I served the early liturgy with Father John in the chapel of the Transfiguration of the Lord. I also managed to see Father John and talk with him. After the liturgy, he came to serve a prayer service and give communion to the patient in the same photograph of Sh., where we had filmed and met earlier. I met Father John on the stairs and reminded him with gratitude that here on these stairs I received his blessing to accept the priesthood. “You should thank God, not me,” he told me. The truly kindred, loving soul of Father John, the friendly affection in his conversation and in his entire address, overwhelmed me. I came into a rare ecstatic state; I seemed to melt all over. It seemed that there was no person closer to me than him; My soul was open to him, and at that moment, warmed by his love, from the fullness of delight I was ready for any feat, I was ready to embrace others with my love. A rare, bright, enthusiastic moment in my life! God! It's good for us to be here; “Let’s make three tabernacles,” the unknown Apostle Peter once said, feeling the joy of Tabor’s radiance (Mark 9:5:6); and for me the joy from the feeling of a loving soul and the closeness of a respected shepherd was extraordinary, extreme, and I would like to be in such a community longer: it is good to be here... I was brought here by a fellow Academy member M.V.G., whom I unexpectedly met in the cathedral; he came to Father John to take a blessing to accept the priesthood without marriage, and he received this blessing here. They saw Father off, he went on his tireless work until the evening, or even late into the night. At 12 o'clock I was at the pier and the ship. On September 27, I arrived in my city and knocked on the door of my house. Will the Lord bring Father John to see Father again? He is now 74 years old, approaching the 50th anniversary of his priesthood - December 12, 1905. May the Lord grant him days upon days for the good of Russia. So, three times the wave of life carried me to the island of Kotlin, and three times I visited Father John. All three trips took place completely unexpectedly for me. The first time I was in Kronstadt as a guest and with an alarming question: where to go, where to strive, where to torture the strength of the young? The second time, having already chosen the path of life, I asked the shepherd for a blessing on the pastoral path; and the third time I served him, stood with him at the Throne of God. So the path of life was chosen, and I began to walk along it. The task of my life has become clear to me, I know what the ministry of a shepherd requires of me, which is so highly depicted by Father John in his diary, and was highly set by him and implemented in his life. “You did not choose Me, but I chose you,” said the Lord, the Chief Shepherd (John 15:16). Like the prophet Jonah, I, perhaps, would have fled to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord, but the Lord called me, weak, through a worthy shepherd to the very path that he follows, to the same great pastoral service. I kiss the all-merciful Hand of God... "Peter! when you were young, you girded yourself and walked where you wanted, but when you are old, someone else will girdle you and lead you where you do not want” (John 21:18). I also surrender to the holy will of God, which brought me to Kronstadt and showed me the path of life. “Thy will be done, arrange a thing for me as you wish...” Priest M. Paozersky. Impressions of the first concelebration of Father John Sergiev (Kronstadt) at the Divine Liturgy Until now, I have not had the opportunity to see the venerable Father John Sergiev (Kronstadt) up close. I met him several times in St. Petersburg, but these meetings were so unexpected and fleeting that I didn’t even get a good look at his face. Therefore, I accepted with great pleasure the invitation of the clergy of the village of Putilov, Shlisselburg district, to participate in the celebration of the Divine Liturgy by Father John on May 27 of this year (1897 - Ed.). I confess that I accepted this invitation not so much out of a desire to share the life-giving Meal of the terrible Mysteries of Christ with the great prayer book, but rather out of simple, petty curiosity. I confess that I was partly prejudiced against him: all these ridiculous stories of praying mantises; illiterate and meaningless prayers spread in his name; the exploitation of the ignorant masses by some of those around him, all this spoke little to my heart and critical mind. True, I was afraid to condemn God’s chosen one, but I was not able to open my heart to him and said, like ancient Thomas: “Until I see it, I have no faith.” With these feelings I went to Putilovo on the appointed day. I arrived at the beginning of the Six Psalms. Father John was already in the church and praying at the altar in the main chapel. I had to stand on the right side of the altar, and the shepherd, revered by all of Russia, was before my eyes. I eagerly fixed my gaze on him. In general, it is similar to portraits that are common everywhere, but there is some difference. It’s impossible to discern what exactly it is due to the distance. The first impression is not in his favor: his movements are nervous, impetuous; he folds his hands on his chest, then quickly rubs one against the other; sometimes lowers his head onto his chest, sometimes throws it back, sometimes tilts it alternately to the right and left side; He is baptized soon, but rarely, but he bows often and often. In general, he gives the impression of a person in extreme nervous excitement. “What is this: foolishness or religious ecstasy? – I thought. - How to find out? And the fear of leaving, even now unsatisfied, pinched my heart. I remained in this mood until the end of the kathisma. But now the time for the canon approached, and, having modestly bowed to the serving priest, Father John headed to the soleya to read it. And this humble bow, the bow of the lamp of the Church to a simple rural priest, given not with disdain, but respectfully, as a brother equal in Christ, for the first time touched some new, sympathetic string in my heart. Father John was heard reading. The voice is sharp and peculiar, but I wouldn’t say unpleasant. The reading is not expressive, not even musical, but it captivates with its sensitivity. So he reads: “... sing to the priests, exalt the people to all ages,” and you feel that at this time he himself is singing to the Lord “with his inner beings” and wants, passionately wants, that all people exalt Him to all ages. Matins is over. During the first hour we begin to dress for the liturgy. My vestments are right next to Father John. Finally, I get to look at this wonderful man up close! The face is clean, with a slight blush, a slight gray in the beard, all this is well known from the portraits. But what is this subtle difference between the original? Oh yes! In the eyes. The eyes are dull, with red eyelids and whites, which are usually seen in people who cry a lot or sleep little. And these eyes, dimmed from tears and prayer vigils, evoke in me a new note of sympathy for this great worker and prayer book of the Russian land. But now, having donned all the sacred clothes, Father John with a sharp movement throws away his belt... And again my skeptical mind began to bubble: “What is this: originality? Neglect of church regulations? Unruly self-will? Where is a good example for us babies in the Christian life?” While reading the hours, a local abbot approached Father John and asked him to say something for the edification of the people. Somehow, like a child, Father John grabbed the robe of the person who approached him and, lovingly looking into his face, began asking about the most common shortcomings among the people. And this naive childish gesture, this loving smile again melted my heart and so attracted me to the respected shepherd that I could not resist, in turn I approached him and asked him to occasionally remember me in his prayers. “I’m glad, I’m glad, I’m glad,” Father John answered with the same loving smile: “What’s your name?” I said and bowed and walked away. The Divine Liturgy began. With his harsh voice, nervous haste, angularity and impetuosity of manners, Father John does not give that artistic pleasure that you experience, for example, during the service of our Archpastor, where everything is majestic, smooth, measured; but nevertheless, you somehow feel that this hasty, impetuous priest is not just conducting a service, not performing a well-known ritual, but is actually performing a sacred ceremony, making a sacrifice to God. At the beginning of the service, Father John seemed rather absent-minded: he marveled aloud at the weight of the altar cross, and picked it up and kissed it firmly, sonorously, as one kisses especially beloved persons; then he asked me to open and close the window; He yawned several times, characteristically crossing his mouth with his left hand. “The man is servile to us,” flashed through my head. But the great man of prayer began to bow more and more often with his characteristic bow without the sign of the cross, and to close his eyes more and more often. “Concentrating,” I thought. And suddenly he sank to the foot of the throne and, folding his hands on the edge of it, rested his head on them. Just at this time they sang the Cherubic Song. Something stern, almost stern, spread across his face, and I, as in a book, read on it: “No one is worthy of those bound by carnal lusts and pleasures to come, or to draw closer, or to serve You, the King of glory: for to serve You is great and terrible, even to the heavenly powers themselves...” And I passionately, uncontrollably wanted to fall down before the Throne of the Most High and cry, cry, cry “about my sins and about people’s ignorance.” The last barriers of doubt collapsed, and the doors of my heart opened wide to accept this extraordinary man. The service went on as usual. Father John stood, still keeping his eyes closed. He completely withdrew into himself; He mentally read not only the secret prayers of the liturgy, but even the exclamations, of which he pronounced only the last words aloud. The time for the transubstantiation of the Holy Gifts was approaching. Half turning to the people and pointing to the bread and wine presented, Father John cried out: “Take, eat... drink from it, all of you...” His voice intensified, became authoritative, insistent. He called, he demanded that everyone, without exception, go and taste the Source of immortality. “Everyone, everyone, enjoy,” I remembered the words of Chrysostom’s Easter teaching, “The Taurus is Well-Fed.” Having bowed to the ground, the presented Gifts had been transformed into the Body and Blood of Christ, Father John leaned his right hand on the throne and, covering his eyes with his palm, stood there for a long, long time. It was clear that he remembered everyone who asked for his prayers and remembered them. They sang a tribute to the Ascension. “O Divine, O dear, O Thy sweetest voice! You truly promised to be with us until the end of the age, O Christ!” - Father John suddenly exclaimed, as if reminding us that “He who ascended from earth to heaven” is still with us “until the end of the age.” As soon as Father John received the Holy Mysteries, they immediately began to read prayers of thanksgiving. And you should have seen the joy that spread across his face at the very first words. It was clear that he was calling out not only with his lips, but also with his heart, together with the reader: “I thank You, Lord my God, for you have not rejected me, a sinner, but have made me worthy to be a partaker of your holy things.” Mass is over. In warm words, the venerable Father thanked us for concelebrating with him, “for our help in the construction of the Divine Mysteries,” and disappeared somewhere. - Where is Father? – I asked. “Father was very tired and had to change his linen,” one of his companions answered me, tying Father John’s shirt in a scarf. The sight of this shirt, as if taken out of water, explained to me better than any words the reason for that slight deviation from the church charter that Father John allowed in his vestments. “A tribute to human weakness,” I thought, and in my heart not only was there no place for condemnation, but there was also a word of justification, and I remembered the words of the apostle: No one hates his own flesh, but nourishes and warms it (Eph. 5:29). ...Cheerful, satisfied, with a calm soul, I returned home. I was glad that my doubts were dispelled and that from now on I can boldly and with conviction tell everyone about Father John: “Truly, he is a great man in word and deed before God and all people.” Archpriest St. O-v. Divine service in Kronstadt (1903) On August 4, at two o'clock in the afternoon, a small steamer brought me to Kotlin Island, separated from St. Petersburg by a 45-verst water distance. This island is almost entirely occupied by the port city of Kronstadt, which accommodates about 60 thousand diverse population. In terms of beauty and amenities, Kronstadt is far from inferior to all provincial cities in central Russia. But there are surprisingly few churches in the city. Apart from the Latin church and the Lutheran kirk, only St. Andrew's Church will attract the attention of a stranger. The cathedrals of the military land and naval departments are hardly noticeable. The rest of the Orthodox churches are brown churches. Having boarded the stagecoach, I told the coachman that I was leaving at the House of Diligence. But near St. Andrew’s Cathedral, an efficient woman entered the stagecoach, looked around at those traveling and said animatedly: - You go to dear Father, to Father John; I will arrange a job for you, I know where he will serve tomorrow; he visits us every day. She was the owner of some bad rooms. She ordered the coachman to go to her, but I firmly told him that I would only get off at the House of Diligence. I didn’t have to repent of my stubbornness. The House of Industry and the accommodation there for visitors give the impression of simplicity combined with cleanliness, and are distinguished by the complete absence of that bourgeois atmosphere that is boring in city hotels. Having settled into a small room, I felt better than at home, and for no apparent reason I was in a joyful and tender mood. Although Father John had not yet arrived from St. Petersburg, he was already my host. Everything here spoke about him: this house, built by his admirers, and printed warnings that visitors should not meet Father John on the porches and in the corridors, but to wait in his own room, and the warehouse of the venerable shepherd’s works, and the servants of the house, hospitable and simple, walking around even in peasant costume, and the prohibitions on smoking posted on the walls anywhere in the house, lamps in front of icons in the rooms, a hall for common people prayer service, decorated with icons and paintings like a church, vases for the blessing of water, standing in each room on a special table, oleography depicting the wretched hut in which Father John was born, and Father John himself with the autograph: Everyone should understand us as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God (1 Cor. 4:1). This and much more made us feel the extreme spiritual closeness of the good shepherd. I confess that the blissful state of that day was not repeated the next day, when I was in close proximity to Father John for several hours. At five o'clock I came to St. Andrew's Cathedral for Vespers. One of Father John’s colleagues, a priest, was serving, still young, but already gray after the illness he had suffered. There were no more than 200 pilgrims, and the people were obviously newcomers. After Vespers, prayer services were served and confession began. During confession, I looked around the church. It is not as large as the descriptions say, and can hardly accommodate more than 5,000 pilgrims. The refectory part of the church has two rows of very dense columns on which the vaults of the refectory are supported. There are spacious choirs. In the three adjacent altars, the observer's attention is drawn to the windows above the altars, made at the zenith of the vaults, one above each altar - the middle one is triangular in shape, and the side ones are roundish. Worthy of mention are the small chandeliers hanging in the altars and the new silver vestments of the thrones, no doubt very expensive. By the way, not everyone finds metal vestments convenient for thrones and altars. Such vestments, they say, give off a chill... On the lectern near the middle altar lies Father John’s service book with the face of the Savior on the top cover and the owner’s handwritten inscription. The Solea is separated from the church of ordinary height by cast-iron gratings. But at the end of Vespers, the church servants began to move massive and tall wooden gratings on wheels towards these cast-iron gratings; these bars were locked in parts with locks. It was not difficult to guess the purpose of these barriers. It is known, for example, that during the liturgy in the Kharkov Cathedral, performed by Father John on July 15, 1890, the people occupied the entire salt, pushed the singers out of the choir into the altar and stood as a dense wall at the Royal Doors; “exits” took place in the altar near the throne. It was, as an eyewitness put it, not a mass, but a disaster. When I left, some pilgrims asked me for advice regarding confession and communion. A handsome and well-dressed young man asked me if he could receive communion tomorrow, having received communion two days ago. “I’m waiting for Father John,” the young man added, “to receive from him the final blessing to enter the monastery.” It was felt during conversations with visitors to Kronstadt that they were attracted here not by curiosity or a search for signs, but by the demands of the soul and awakened conscience. The sad conclusion suggested itself that these spiritual needs do not find satisfaction at the place of residence of the pilgrims. The “keys of understanding” remain ineffective there due to lack of attention and love. But can one shepherd, even one as gifted as Father John Sergiev, illuminate the darkness that has thickened over Russian souls and satisfy this great spiritual hunger? Don’t thousands of pilgrims leave him unenlightened and hungry? Without a doubt, Father John can only come into personal communication with a small part of the pilgrims, but with a loving heart he feels the needs of all the pilgrims of St. Andrew’s Cathedral and fervently intercedes for them in the great Eucharistic service... Walking along Cathedral Street at 8 o'clock in the evening, I saw groups of townspeople and pilgrims talking at the porches and gates. Suddenly these people rushed towards a carriage coming from the St. Petersburg side, carrying Father John. The carriage quickly rushed along like a frightened horse, and people flocked to it both from the sides and in front, grabbing both the wings and the back, trying in vain to touch Father John. As the stroller approached the gatekeeper of Father John's house, the gate of the gatekeeper quickly opened, let the stroller through, and immediately closed. I saw a similar sight when I went to matins the next day. A large crowd of people was waiting for Father on the porch of the cathedral. But in front of his carriage, the gates of the church fence opened and closed again so as not to let people in. Father John passed through the altar door. Despite these precautions, a dozen and a half pilgrims entered the altar, including people in uniform and students of secular educational institutions. Matins was not performed by Father John, but by another priest from the cathedral. Father John, as usual, read the canon (Transfiguration). Father John's method of reading the canon has already been described more than once, with some even exaggeration of the impression made by his reading. His reading is heartfelt, conscious, but not entirely clear, with the exception of individual sayings. The impression on pilgrims is made not so much by the content of the canon, but by the personality and voice of the shepherd. During Matins, Father John looked impetuous and preoccupied, went out to the side altar (the service was on average), read notes, and confessed. But there were many unconfessed pilgrims left, and they were very worried. The removal of health and funeral particles was started by a colleague of Father John earlier than the proskomedia, during the sixth psalm, and this was necessary due to the large number of prosphoras. Father John began to perform proskomedia himself after Matins. Before the proskomedia, he was very approachable and warmly greeted the priests who arrived at the cathedral and were not yet familiar with them, asking them about the service and the bishops. During these conversations, it was discovered that Father John’s hearing had become significantly dulled, which he himself did not hide. But Father John’s quick reading of the notes and commemorations showed that the elder shepherd’s eyesight was still very good. There were so many of these notes that other clergy helped Father John read them. Notes and remembrances that were not read during the proskomedia were read about the living during the special litany, and during the funeral service, about the dead, also by the clergy to themselves. The foreign names encountered (Richard, Edward, Victoria) showed that in the Orthodox church of the city of Kronstadt, non-Orthodox Christians are also looking for prayerful help for themselves and their dead. Thus, the love of the Orthodox priest somewhat pushed aside the centuries-old barriers between confessions. The many notes are explained by the fact that Father John does not like the names of those commemorated to be written on the bottom of the prosphora, as is customary in most monasteries. All removed prosphora are placed in large baskets. Not a single recipient of the prosphora can be sure that the prosphora given to him is exactly the one in which the particle was taken out for him and his relatives. Is this order good? Doesn't the prosphora lose its significance under this condition? It seems that there is no irregularity in such a mixture of prosphoras. The essence of commemoration lies not in the identity of the prosphora served and given out, but in the immersion of the removed particles into the Holy Chalice. All the prosphoras brought are, as it were, parts of two prosphoras - the health prosphora and the funeral prosphora. Even more: in the Greek Church, all the prosphora necessary for the liturgy are replaced by one wide one. The prosphoras, thus representing one at the beginning, are united again in the Holy Chalice. The liturgy itself binds and unites the members of the earthly and heavenly Church in their common Head. In one of the Eucharistic prayers for the consecration of the Gifts, we read: “Unite us all, from the one bread and cup of communion, into one fellowship of the Holy Spirit, so that we may find mercy and grace with all the saints who have pleased You from the ages...” Prosphora is gifts, the remnants of the Supper of Christ, given to those who, due to the sad conditions of the time of their immediate participation in The supper was not accepted; prosphora is a remembrance of the Immaculate Lamb, who washes away the sins of people with His Blood and unites them all, this is a weak semblance of communion... This is its meaning, and not that each prosphora is returned to its owner who brought it. The prayer for the consecration of “those who brought and for whom the offering was made” is not read over every prosphora, but once - at the end of the proskomedia. It was a weekday - the eve of the Transfiguration, but St. Andrew's Cathedral has long since seen weekday services. The Liturgy was performed by seven clergy while the choir of Father John sang in a church full of people. The Liturgy began with the Royal Doors open, which closed only before the funeral litany. We priests are accustomed to praying with our faces to the east and our backs to the people, but Father John has a constant attraction to the people. He utters almost all his exclamations, turning to the west, and he pronounces them, it must be said, with much force. Father John reads the prayers before confession in the same way, addressing the people. Father John even pronounces the exclamations: “take, eat” and “drink from it, all of you” to the people, addressing the throne only with the words: “this is the Body” and “this is the Blood”... Bowing before the icons, the throne and the Holy Gifts, Father John is not always accompanied by the sign of the cross. To the exclamation: “And grant us, O Master, with boldness, without condemnation, to call upon You, the Heavenly God of the Father, and to speak,” Father John adds “Father.” This addition clarifies the idea of ​​the exclamation, obscured by the use of the double accusative, which is unusual for Russian hearing. Father John addresses the missal little, and we explain this not by the fact that Father John knows the prayers of the missal by heart, but by his view of prayer as a free expression of feelings and moods. The missal must guide and guide the employee, but not make him a slave to the letter. After the consecration of the Holy Gifts, the deacon gave the monstrance to Father John, and he filled the monstrance with particles of the Body of Christ using a spoon from the Chalice. He does this every day, not having the habit of drying (stocking) the Holy Gifts. He parts with the monstrance only during the liturgy; the rest of the time he carries it in a velvet bag hanging freely on his right side on an order ribbon. When preparing the Holy Gifts for communion, not the entire particle of the ІС was lowered into the Chalice, but only its crust with the letters, and the rest, together with the HI-KA, was crushed for the communion of the laity. Father John prepares relatively large particles for the communicants, although as a result many of those who prepared are left without communion. I remember the words of one old priest that at the seminary, with all his youthful piety, he was very embarrassed and excited when the father rector of the seminary introduced him to a very small particle, a crumb. During communion, Father John repeated twice that he would not allow the current communicants to take communion tomorrow. From this we can conclude that in Kronstadt, without outside influences, the ancient Christian custom of frequent communion was restored, so that in the interests of order and in order to avoid crowds, there was already a need to restrain this search for communion with Christ. Let us note in passing that the guards of St. Andrew's Cathedral are very rude to the pilgrims and communicants. At the end of mass, the consumption of the Holy Gifts took place in exactly the same order as the communion of the clergy, that is, the Gifts were consumed not by one junior clergyman, but by everyone in turn, starting with the eldest. After mass, Father John toured hotels and houses for visitors to meet the religious needs of the newcomers and served prayer services. I did not have the opportunity to attend Father John’s general prayer services, but his individual prayers cannot be called prayer services in the accepted sense of the word. While the psalmist sings the troparia of the water-blessed prayer service, Father John reads a note with the names of the persons for whom he was invited to pray, immerses the cross in a dish, sprinkles those present through the cross and expresses his well-wishes. All this is done in no more than two minutes. Such brevity and inconsistency with the rules of prayers of Father John is explained by the fact that Father John has no opportunity to perform prayers according to the rules for everyone. But in this two-minute prayer service, as in many of the peculiar actions of Father John, one outstanding character trait of Father John is reflected: he cares little about what they think and say about him. He goes his own way, where his free spirit leads him, as he walked from his youth, incurring the condemnation of some, the ridicule of others and the enmity of others. And now there are many who condemn the Kronstadt shepherd for this or that. The short duration of my stay in Kronstadt deprives me of the right to draw any conclusions about the significance of Father John and the reasons for his influence on all classes of the Russian people; but I cannot help but express that it is useful for us priests to learn free prayer from Father John. It’s time for us to rise above formal ritualism and learn that it is not man for the ritual, but the ritual for man. The ritual should not fetter the clergyman, but inspire him, awaken in him and in the pilgrims a prayerful mood. “It’s good,” writes Father John, “to say a few of your own words in prayer, breathing with ardent faith and love for the Lord. Yes! We cannot all talk with God in other people’s words, we cannot all be children in faith and hope, but we must show our minds, burp out our good words from our hearts (Ps. 44:2), and at the same time we somehow get used to other people’s words and grow cold. And how pleasing to the Lord this personal babbling of ours, coming straight from a believer and a grateful heart, cannot be retold... You say a few words, but you taste so much bliss that you cannot receive it to the same extent from the longest and most touching prayers of others, pronounced out of habit and insincerely” 12. “Some put all their well-being and service before God in reading all the prescribed prayers, not paying attention to the readiness of the heart for God, to their internal correction; for example, many read the rule for Communion this way. Meanwhile, here, first of all, we must look at the correction and readiness of the heart to receive the Holy Mysteries; if your heart became right in your womb, by the grace of God, if it is ready to meet the Bridegroom, then thank God, although you did not have time to read all the prayers. The kingdom of God is not in words, but in power (1 Cor. 4:20). It is good to obey the Mother of the Church in everything, but with prudence, and, if possible, let him accommodate a long prayer. But they cannot contain this word (Matthew 19:11); if prolonged prayer is incompatible with fervor of the spirit, it is better to say a short but fervent prayer. Remember that one word of the publican, spoken from a warm heart, justified him. God does not look at the multitude of words, but at the dispositions of the heart. The main thing is the living faith of the heart and the warmth of repentance for sins.” There are two kinds of free attitude towards ritual: one stems from a worldly mood, laziness and lack of respect for ritual. God save the Russian people and clergy from such freedom! A free attitude to ritual has a different character, stemming from the desire to animate and complete the ritual, to subordinate it to spirit and truth, to make it living, elastic and effective. Ready-made prayers in the Psalter, canons, missals, books of hours and service books should serve only as examples of conversation with God. But we have made these prayers the limit of prayer, fenced ourselves off with them like a wall, and have become unaccustomed to free communication with God in our hearts. We have preachers who preach with a living word, but we do not hear of pastors who say a living prayer in relation to an occasion or a remembered event. We teach sermon writing in seminaries and academies. The Law of God is still a compulsory subject in all educational institutions, evasion from visiting church is strictly punished in many schools, but where do we teach living and free prayer? Parents teach a youth to read prayers without understanding them, but no one guides a young man in the matter of prayer, no one instructs that prayer is not in standing, reading, bowing and crosses, but in the burning of the heart and in communication with God, in persistent requests, in searching and knocking... In our churches, pilgrims do not participate in divine services, which was not the case in the ancient Church, and is not the case now in the Orthodox East, where the Creed is “Our Father” and the answering prayers of the litanies are pronounced by all the people, although not quite harmoniously and musically, but prayerfully, heartily and consciously. But we observe the letter more strictly than Christians of other confessions and our Eastern co-religionists, but we do not value the spirit. “We are such that by our inattention we turn the most edifying and stimulating orders into an ineffective form. We should make it a law for ourselves to use churchliness in such a way that it does not turn into a form for us. This requires sincere zeal for pleasing God” 13. For spiritualization, Father John advises unhurried reading of prayers: “When you pray, the rule is: do not rush from word to word without feeling its truth, without placing it on your heart, but do and constantly do the work for yourself to feel with your heart the truth of what you are saying. Wait until every word resonates in your heart with its own echo. Many clerics who read fluently form a completely false prayer: they seem to be praying with their lips, in everything they seem to be pious, but their heart is asleep and does not know what their lips are saying.” A. Shubersky. Personal memories of Father John of Kronstadt As a young officer, I often visited Kronstadt with the then chief of the fortress artillery, General Ivanov. Father John had great respect for General Ivanov and visited him often. One day, when I was having breakfast with General Ivanov, Father John came. Those sitting at the table stood up and came up for the blessing, after which everyone sat down at the table with Father John. This was my first meeting with Father John, who behaved simply and spoke like an ordinary priest. Meanwhile, the popularity of Father John was already so great that thousands of people from all over Russia came to Kronstadt. A small port city, such as Kronstadt was at that time, could not provide all those who came with either accommodation or food, and therefore a whole village was formed around the cathedral, where these people huddled. Especially many came during Lent in order to attend the general confession of Father John. I also arrived in the first week of Lent. The cathedral was so full of people for a long time that I barely managed to get inside and found myself at the very entrance. There were so many people that people stood close to each other, representing a solid human mass. The cathedral was poorly lit. Soon Father John came out in a light cassock, and in the illuminated altar one could clearly see his face. He began to speak, as if preparing those praying for confession. He spoke so clearly that he could easily be heard. This did not last long, and he ended his word with the exclamation: “THUS REPENT!”, pronounced loudly. These words of Father John, like an electric current, pierced the mass of people, and they began to move. The cries of individual penitents began. And suddenly, at one end of this mass, a man was forced onto its upper surface and ran over the heads of the standing people to Father John, shouting: “I killed, I killed!” The human mass became numb, but did not move. This picture made an amazing impression on me, which I can never forget. Then I felt that before us was an unusual person who had the power to take possession of people. Menton, November 24, 1958 V.P. . Memories of Father John of Kronstadt In 1888, when I was still a 29-year-old young man, I heard that Father John of Kronstadt was serving mass in the church that I happened to pass by. At that time I was not only not religious, but also completely unbelieving, nevertheless, I had a desire to look at Father John. Entering a church filled with worshipers, whom I mentally called a crowd of sheep, I made my way into the altar, which I entered so quietly and carefully that it was absolutely impossible to hear my entrance, but as soon as I saw Father standing with his back to me and praying in front of the holy throne, he instantly looked back and looked at me so intently that I felt somehow creepy and I thought with annoyance: what does he need? After looking at me for half a minute, he turned away again, knelt down and began to pray. His prayer sounded like a call and an insistent demand. I heard only fragmentary phrases: “Forgive him, Lord,” “You are merciful,” “Give him understanding and save,” etc. I felt that he was praying for me, and I was overcome by an internal struggle of opposing feelings. I was drawn to join his prayer, but at the same time, as if with anger, I repeated several times: “Blessed holy fool.” Having finished the prayer, Father John quickly came up to me, put his hands on my head and addressed me with the words: “Recognize your error, repent, the Lord created us not for evil and denial, but for good and the joyful glorification of His great wisdom. Let your soul be cleansed of everything evil and dark and your mind enlightened and in the difficult days of life know not grumbling and despair, but consolation in prayer and hope in the mercy of the Lord. Be good, kind, and it will be easier for you and your neighbors to live.” When Father John put his hands on my head, I wanted to push him away and say insolent things to him, but I cannot give myself an account of what happened in me then. I was unable to move, my heart was beating rapidly, and, breathing quickly, I listened to his words and finally burst into tears. “It’s good, good tears. Glory to Thee, Lord, glory to Thee, Lord, glory to Thee!” - Father exclaimed loudly. I felt internally reborn, as if I had been freed from mortal danger and reborn into a new, better life. I knelt down and prayed fervently, and Father John continued the service. This event had a beneficial effect on my entire subsequent life. Archpriest Vladimir Vorobyov. Observations and impressions from prayerful unity and communication with Father John of Kronstadt The birthplace of Father John is the village of Sura, Arkhangelsk province. Father John loved his homeland and the far north, where he came every summer. In Arkhangelsk, we were able to see him more than once during daily services, in the houses of the townspeople and in our house. Father John performed the service with some peculiarities. They pronounced exclamations of prayer not in a chant, as is customary, but in ordinary spoken language, but loudly, separately, clearly and unusually expressively. Before each mass, Father John always read the canon aloud to the people in front of the Royal Doors in his stole. The canon ended with a special litany and dismissal. Then mass began. The proskomedia is usually performed by a junior priest. Father John loved to perform proskomedia himself to pray for all the dead and living. During the hymn “The Only Begotten Son and Word of God,” while singing the words: “Crucified, O Christ God, having trampled down death by death,” Father John kissed the cross with the image of the crucified Savior, which he took from the throne. “We give thanks to the Lord”, “Song of Victory”, “Take, eat, this is My Body”, “Drink of it, all of you, this is My Blood of the New Testament”, “Exactly about the Most Holy, Most Pure”, “And make us worthy, Master” - all these exclamations were pronounced by Father John when addressing the people. The words of Christ pronounced at the establishment of the Sacrament of Communion, when Father John spoke them, pointing to the Gifts, made a terribly strong impression on the praying people. And his burning face was visible to the people through the Royal Doors. Having received the Holy Mysteries, Father John stood the entire time, without leaving the throne, with his eyes closed, praying intensely and reverently while other priests received communion. At these moments, undoubtedly, he contemplated the Last Supper, when the Savior taught His Flesh and Blood to the disciples in the Jerusalem upper room. There were always many who wanted to join during the ministry of Father John. It’s remarkable that he gave communion to some and refused to others, urging the latter to repentance and correction. Father John always consumed some of the remaining Holy Gifts himself. And, having undressed, he read, kneeling, with his head bowed on the throne, prayers of gratitude to the Lord, His Most Pure Mother for the communion of the Holy Mysteries. Silence then reigned in the altar. The inevitable cleaning of vestments and belongings after the service stopped. Father John then so vividly resembled the Savior praying in the Garden of Gethsemane. The Lord, according to the Evangelist Matthew, fell on His face and prayed (Matthew 26:39). Now we will make our best attempt, based on our observations, to reveal the spiritual mood that Father John experienced during the service. Just before the beginning of the liturgy, Father John was completely transformed when he began to read in the altar before the throne with raised hands “To the King of Heaven” and “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will to men.” He devoted himself uncontrollably to prayer. His soul instantly lit up with fire. The fire did not scorch the soul of Father John, but with its warmth it warmed him and those praying with him. Nothing distracted the prayerful reverence of Father John. Father John prayed almost all the time with his eyes closed. Throughout the service, the fire of prayer did not leave him, either burning steadily or flaring up strongly and brightly. Father John’s love for Christ, the Savior of the world, poured out when he kissed the cross several times while singing “The Only Begotten Son,” and kissed it fieryly. The prayer touched Father John. Touched, he cried even during the not-so-great moments of the Divine Liturgy. Once, during the great exit with the Holy Gifts, a ray of sun fell on a tear that rested on the face of Father John, and the tear turned silver. It was an extremely touching and soul-touching picture. In 1907 we had to see Father John for the last time. There was no longer such a bright burning of his praying soul in him. But this was not at all a decline in the religious feeling of his deep faith. No!.. The years of Father John’s life were numbered. He was already experiencing old age with its inevitable illnesses and infirmities. And old age is the evening of life, its sunset. In the evening, both physical nature and human nature are always quiet. The sun does not scorch as it scorched at noon - in the days of courage. And the prayer of Father John, like an old man, was full of peace. It was a blessed world that breathed with deep, soothing silence. At this time, the Lord also deigned us to be co-servants of Father John. Four and a half years have passed, but the memory of this service is so clear and vivid, it seems as if it was performed only yesterday. Such holy moments in life are either not repeated or are repeated rarely. We will not be mistaken if we say that the clergy (there were thirteen of us) who served Father John all united and merged with him into a close, spiritual union. There was a quiet, even burning of the souls of the praying priests, who then lived in the sweetness of the heavenly world. And near the throne one could feel the breath of the Holy Spirit. Father John always served with extreme strength, boldly, not only imprinting words, but directly cutting them into souls, like a steel chisel, at times shaking especially responsive, sensitive souls to the very depths. This is how Father John served because he did not doubt for one minute that he had been granted from above the grace-filled powers to stand before the Throne of God and the right to intercede authoritatively for the entire human race. Only he could serve in this way who believed that the Lord, the loving, all-forgiving, merciful Father and servant of God, is by grace the Son of God, whom His Heavenly Father will certainly hear. You know that from Christ’s fiery, fire-like prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane drops of bloody sweat appeared. Father John's prayer reached its highest intensity. This was reflected on his body. It was covered in sweat. And Father John was forced to change his clothes and even his underwear after each liturgy. The appearance of Father John after the service from the altar to the ambo caused an explosion of the most ardent enthusiasm in some. Others burst into uncontrollable tears, seeking consolation. People literally rushed to receive the blessing, to kiss the hand of Father John, or even just to touch his clothes. Thus, the moral power of the influence of the shepherd of the idea on the people was great. After his services, Father John visited the homes of those who invited him to their place. Here we had to witness its enchanting simplicity. In the presence of Father John, everyone, regardless of rank or position, felt like brothers in the circle of one friendly family. Such simplicity of Father John was created as a result of his sincerity, childish trust in people and love for them. He loved people with a tender, holy love. Father John amazed me with his modesty. They expressed surprise and amazement at him. And then he behaved like that and answered as if he had done nothing or was doing such an ordinary thing and doing it the way everyone else does it. But it was all so simple and natural for him. Father John's charity was generous and plentiful. But only the echoes of those sacrifices that Father John brought to the altar of suffering and poverty reached the world. Only fragmentary, brief information occasionally appeared in the newspapers about this. In Arkhangelsk in 1907, Father John, surrounded by a large company, distributed 160 rubles to the needy in just two or two and a half hours (this amount became known, and perhaps it was more). But it’s wonderful - Father John distributed the money in such a way that people, even those who were here, almost constantly with him, learned about it after his departure. This is evangelical charity, when the left hand did not know what the right hand was doing. We believe that with the death of Father John, our spiritual communication with him was not interrupted. In Father John we have a great heavenly intercessor and intercessor for us. Father John, now not bound by any earthly ties, burns evenly before the Lord, like a bright sun, in his prayers for the Holy Church and our native country. May Father John have a bright and eternal memory! 1911, December 11 Saratov O.I. Malchenko. From personal memories A wonderful vision of one layman in the church in the name of the holy Apostle Andrew the First-Called, namely, the vision of the Savior extending to all those present during the general confession and resolution of sins by me... His Divine hands and embracing everyone. I thank the Lord for this vision, for this mercy, which informs us that the matter of general confession is pleasing to Him and is being done in accordance with His Divine will. (From the book “About God, the World and the Human Soul” This was on one of the Fridays of Great Lent in 1903, when Father usually held a general confession. I wasn’t going to fast, I didn’t go to church, but after feeding the baby, I went to meet my husband. Leaving the house, she walked in the direction of the shop, but suddenly, completely mechanically, she turned towards the cathedral. I approached and wondered why today the confession was going on for so long... I also entered somehow mechanically... In the vestibule I noticed that the young people standing there were giggling about the cries of repentance and generally behaved obscenely, but when they paid attention to me and began to look under their hats, I hurried forward with a bitter and heavy feeling. I stood on the very threshold of the church, since it was higher and from there it was easier for me to see Father on the pulpit. He was just calling for repentance and turning more and more to the left - apparently, he was calling on someone in particular... Then he turned to the image of the Savior, prayed to himself for some time... Then again to the crowd - with the same call and still looked to the left... I also thought that today he has been confessing for such an unusually long time... Again he turned to the icon of the Savior and, apparently, was praying fervently, since he kept wiping his eyes with a handkerchief. Suddenly... in front of the closed Royal Doors, closer to the people and retreating a little from the ground, in reality, I quite simply saw the Savior... There are no words to describe the beauty of His Most Pure Face, the radiance of His Eyes. He was in a white tunic, his feet were bare, his hands were raised to bless the people. I rub my eyes, look in all directions, trembling all over with fear - and I see everything the same... At this time, Father goes to the altar, dissolves the Royal Doors, and only when he goes through them to the people to give absolution - Christ the Savior rose up and disappeared... I'm all trembling, afraid to believe myself... At this time, after the release, the people rush to the exit. I catch my acquaintances, stop them, and ask if they saw anything? Nobody saw anything! I go out, not myself, I go to my husband’s shop. He immediately noticed that something was wrong with me, he wants me to rest there, but I can’t sit for a long time... He wants me to walk through the air - won’t I calm down there? But I can’t calm down and I can’t say anything out of fear, because I don’t trust myself... I was in this state all day. Afterwards, an aunt came who had come to fast, I asked her why it took so long to confess today, she said that there had never been such a confession before, and yes, it’s true, there never will be... The next day after mass, I hurried to the House of Diligence, because I knew that only there I could find Father, to whom I was yearning with all my soul. She came when everyone was already sitting with Father having tea. He didn’t even raise his head at me... They told him: “Olga has come, bless her tea.” He pours it, so reluctantly you can see it, he gives it without looking. I’m terrified, I don’t know what to think, I’m starting to doubt myself even more... Father is already leaving, takes hold of the door handle and only then turns to me and says: “Olga, didn’t you want to tell me anything?” I said: “I wanted to, but I’m afraid... maybe it all just seemed like that to me...” Then he came up to me, put his hand on my shoulder and said: “Well, say what you wanted to say.” I told everything as it happened... He made me repeat it twice and said: “Go next Friday and stand in the same place.” Friday came, I went to the cathedral and stood on the threshold there. From the pulpit, Father spoke precisely about the fact that with our sins we are crucifying the Lord again... I was already intensely peering forward and, when Father began to pray in the same way as last time, I saw the living Jesus Christ crucified on the Cross in the very Royal Doors. I was somehow confused, not knowing how to understand why the Lord was now on the Cross, and not blessing, as then. The next day after the liturgy, I hurried to see Father in the House of Diligence. He immediately asked me loudly, in front of everyone: “Well, what did you see?” I said that this time I saw the Savior crucified on the Cross. And Father loudly exclaimed: “So you have truly seen Christ!” Then Father told me that, apparently, through me the Lord was indicating to him that his general confessions were pleasing to Him, while he himself wanted to stop them because accidents happened during such a crush... And the Mother of God once said to him: “John, continue your confessions!” And Father continued, but already saw them off at the open Royal Doors. Cathedral Keykeeper A.P. Popov. Ofenya, afenya - peddler. – Ed. Kolmi more (Church Glav.) - even more, especially. In our country, frequent Communion of the Holy Mysteries is considered almost a sin. To the question: how many times can you take communion a year, you hear: once. Some women and sick people asked: is it possible to receive communion without waiting six weeks? Who set this deadline? Everyone can receive communion every Lent, but with proper preparation, of course, and more often for the sick. This and the next one. for the quote, see the book: Father John Sergiev (Kronstadt). My life in Christ: Extract from the diary: In 2 volumes. St. Petersburg, 1893. T. 1. P. 155; T. 2. pp. 416–417. His Eminence Theophan (Govorov). Letters to various persons about subjects of faith and life. M. 1892.