Святой праведный Иоанн Кронштадский о себе.

I think with the Father, I speak with the Word, Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt I am the son of the clerk of the Arkhangelsk province, Pinezhsky district, from the village of Surskoye and was born in 1829. Almost unprepared for school, barely able to read, I entered the Arkhangelsk parish school as a student in 1839, in my tenth year of age. It was difficult for me to read and write; there were no nearby leaders; I had to figure everything out myself. I had considerable grief over my lack of development and lack of understanding. But from childhood, having been accustomed to prayer by the example of my father and mother, I was a piously-minded boy and loved prayer and public worship, especially good singing. Grieving over the failure of the teaching, I fervently prayed to God to give me meaning and reason - and I remember how suddenly a curtain fell from my mind and I began to understand the teaching well. The more I grew, the better and better I did in the sciences, so that almost from the last I rose to the top students, especially in the seminary, where I graduated as the first student in 1851, and was sent to the St. Petersburg Theological Academy at public expense. On the academic board at that time, students occupied clerkships for the most insignificant pay (about nine rubles a month), and I, having a mother, a poor widow who needed my help, gladly agreed to take this place at the offer of the secretary of the academic board. Having completed the course as a candidate of theology in 1855, I entered the priesthood in Kronstadt in December, marrying the daughter of the local archpriest K.P. Nesvitsky, Elisabeth, who is still alive; I don't have children. From the very first days of my high service to the Church, I set myself a rule: to be as sincere as possible about my work, to shepherding and priestly service, and to strictly monitor myself, my inner life. To this end, first of all, I began to read the Holy Scriptures of the Old and New Testaments, extracting from them edification for myself as a person in general, a priest and a member of society. Then I began to keep a diary in which I recorded my struggle with thoughts and passions, my repentant feelings, my secret prayers to the Lord and the constant help and protection from Hero, and my grateful feelings to the Lord for deliverance from temptations, sorrows and misfortunes. Almost every Sunday and holiday I delivered words and conversations in church, either of my own composition, or of Metropolitan Gregory’s sermon. Some of my conversations have been published, but quite a lot remains in manuscript. Conversations published: “On the Most Holy Trinity”, “On the Creation of the World”, “On the Providence of God”, “On the World” and “On the Beatitudes of the Gospel”. In addition to preaching, from the very beginning of my priesthood I took care of the poor - and about 20 years ago I published in print the idea of ​​​​establishing a House of Diligence for the poor in Kronstadt, which the Lord helped to establish about 10 years ago. This house served as an example and model for a similar house in the capital. Now it is in a flourishing state, thanks to the good composition of the members of the board of trustees and good teachers of children - since in the House of Diligence there is a school for minors for 150 people, and thanks to good masters and craftswomen - since there are some skills in it: shoemaking, sewing - and the composition of doctors who provide free care to the sick poor of the guardianship. I received great fame, without wanting it or looking for it, from some cases of miraculous healings that took place in Kronstadt and St. Petersburg, published in newspapers without my knowledge or consent. Conversation with Sarapul shepherds When the Right Reverend Micah was Bishop of Sarapul, vicar of the Vyatka diocese, at his invitation, the now deceased Archpriest Father John Ilyich Sergiev, the spiritual father and friend of the Right Reverend, arrived in Sarapul on June 20, 1904. Having stayed here for three days, Father devoted most of his time to his usual feat of prayer, performing the Divine Liturgy daily in the morning, and after it, until the evening, performing prayer services in the homes of God-loving citizens of Sarapul. Father John's constant presence in prayer, and in different places, hid him from the eyes of his numerous brethren, eager to see and hear the word of the great man of prayer. Meanwhile, everyone, and especially the clergy, felt an urgent need for a live exchange of thoughts with the venerable shepherd. Meeting this need and wanting to show the Sarapul shepherds the living and close communication with them of Father John as their close co-worker in the field of God, the Bishop asked Father to spend some time interviewing the Sarapul clergy. With love and complete readiness, Father John expressed his consent to the bishop’s request and appointed the evening of June 21 for the conversation. This conversation between Father John and the pastors of the Sarapul Vicariate was published in No. 39 of the Church Gazette for 1904, then reprinted in the Vyatka Diocesan Gazette. But His Eminence Micah, wanting to reproduce the conversation of the venerable Father in a more complete and accurate form and, in addition, wanting to have separate prints of it for distribution among the clergy, found it possible through some participants in the conversation to reproduce and write it down almost word for word. Then the carefully checked manuscript was sent by the bishop for review to Father John himself, who himself finally edited it, making some amendments, additions and editions. Returning the manuscript, Father John in a letter to the Archpastor thanked “all the Sarapul brethren friendly to him, with whom the Lord brought him to serve the liturgy and talk.” Regarding the proposed publication of the conversation, he notes: “If I had known (that the conversation would be published), I would have thought more about my conversation in advance.” Compiling the conversation, correcting it, and then reviewing the manuscript by Father John himself took a lot of time. Therefore, the presented “Conversation” appeared in print already in the “Ekaterinburg Diocesan Gazette” for 1904, since in the Vyatka Diocesan Gazette it was published in a different edition. At the direction of the Right Reverend Bishop, we are publishing the aforementioned conversation in our diocesan organ (that is, in the Vyatka Diocesan Gazette), as it can show the ways and means by which the late Father Archpriest achieved great prayerful boldness before God and became a powerful bearer of the all-effective goodness of God in his pastoral labors. The conversation took place in the hall of the local theological school, where numerous clergy gathered. When the beloved Father appeared, accompanied by the bishop, the host of those present sang the stichera: “Today the grace of the Holy Spirit has gathered us together...”, during the singing of which Father John walked into the school church; Returning to the hall, he invited everyone present to sit down at the table. “I am very pleased to see you here,” Father began the conversation, “and to talk with you, it is pleasant because your large gathering clearly shows that between us there is communication, mutual love, and in the words of the psalmist, the good life of the brethren together (Ps. 133:1). With mutual communication, even difficult work becomes easier and goes more successfully. Thank you for this mutual communication; I especially thank those who served me today during the liturgy. Probably, many of you are asking yourself the question of how I have the audacity to turn to God for so many people, especially those who are suffering, and to travel all over Russia. Without a doubt, dear fathers and brothers, I myself would not have decided on such an important and great matter without the special direction of God. Listen to what I tell you about myself. You all probably know that I was born in the Arkhangelsk province, and completed my course at the St. Petersburg Theological Academy. Immediately after graduating from the Academy, I entered my present place, in the city of Kronstadt - as a priest at St. Andrew's Cathedral. This is a military city: here at every step you meet military men, sailors, craftsmen from the harbor, and so on. Sailors, who spend most of their time at sea, on their ships, once ashore, try to make the most of their free time and get as much pleasure as possible. Therefore, here you could always meet drunks on the streets and hear about many outrages. From the very first days of my ministry, my heart began to ache at the sight of such a bad, sinful life, and naturally there was a firm intention to somehow correct this drunken, but good-at-heart people. It was especially difficult to see drunk people in the morning when returning home after the liturgy. Therefore, I began to address them as often as possible with words of reproof, exhortation and admonition, convincing them to fight their passion and, for this purpose, visit the church of God as often as possible, so that at least they could spend the morning in sobriety. At first, of course, I had to endure a lot of grief and troubles, but this did not depress my spirit, but, on the contrary, strengthened and tempered me even more for a new fight against evil 1 . At this time, I fought against evil with the usual measures in pastoral work and not only did I not act as a general prayer book and intercessor before God, but even in the depths of my soul I did not have such a desire and intention. The Lord God was pleased to put me on a different path. It happened this way. In Kronstadt there lived a pious woman with a beautiful soul, Paraskeva Ivanovna Kovrigina (originally from Kostroma), who gave herself to serving her neighbors. She began convincingly asking me to pray for this or that suffering person, assuring me that my prayer for them would be effective and useful for them. I refused all the time, not at all considering myself worthy of being a special mediator between people in need of God’s help and God. But Paraskeva Ivanovna’s persistent requests and assurances of God’s help finally defeated me, and with firm trust and hope I began to pray to God for the healing of those who were sick and weakened in soul and body. The Lord heard my, albeit unworthy, prayers and fulfilled them: the sick and paralytic were healed. This encouraged and strengthened me. I began to turn to God more and more often at the request of one or another person, and the Lord did and is still doing many wonderful things for our common prayers. Many obvious miracles have happened and are still happening. In this I see God’s instructions to me, a special obedience from God - to pray for everyone who asks God for mercy. Therefore, I do not refuse my prayer to anyone and, at their requests, I travel all over Russia to visit the sick. There were cases when they asked me to cast out demons, and the demons obeyed and came out of people through my prayer. But there were also cases when my efforts were not crowned with success - the demons did not come out. True, these demons declared themselves to be the most cruel, the most stubborn... And my efforts in these cases were not crowned with success because I myself was not sufficiently prepared, did not keep a strict fast, and according to the words of Jesus Christ Himself, this kind comes from nothing other than prayer and fasting (Matthew 17:21), or did not devote enough time to a given person. With my varied and numerous labors, I do not have to devote much time to one person, since there were always many waiting for my prayer and blessing. And since in my real life I constantly have to be in the world, visiting the houses of people of every rank and condition, where they offer food, which I often have to accept, so as not to upset those who offer it with love by refusal, then, naturally, it is not possible for me to keep a strict fast. In general, in my life I have not taken upon myself any special feats, not because, of course, I do not consider them necessary, but because the conditions of my life do not allow me to do this, and I have never shown myself to be either a faster or an ascetic, etc., although I eat and drink in moderation and live abstinently. Regarding how my real fame was created, I must say that for this I did not take any measures or any efforts on my part: everything happened by itself, apart from me. Since then, as cases of healings through me began to multiply, witnesses and eyewitnesses of this, or the persons themselves who have experienced the grace of God, not wanting to remain ungrateful before God, announced what had happened in the timely press. Through this, cases of healing became known to the reading public and attracted new masses of people to me, thirsty for Christ’s consolation and God’s mercy 2 . Needless to say, all the cases of miraculous healings were published not by me, but by those who experienced them, and I not only do not consider myself any better than other priests, but I rightly consider myself the worst, the very last of you and in general of all the priests of the Russian Orthodox Church, because everything that is good in me is from the grace of God, and everything that is imperfect and bad is all mine, and if the wealth of God’s grace given to me by God would be with someone else, more worthy, he would have done much more good than me. From the very first days of my pastoral ministry, the enemy of the human race began to subject me to various kinds of temptations. First of all, he began to instill in me some kind of unaccountable fear when performing prayers and the Sacraments, especially when performing the Sacrament of Baptism and the Divine Liturgy, and then he began to sway me with a struggle of thoughts. Then I realized that only by constant and incessant observation of myself and unceasing prayer could I fight this secret and never-ending enemy. I began to try to know myself as deeply as possible, that is, to know my soul, my nature, my weaknesses and shortcomings. To ensure this self-observation was constant, from the very first days of my ministry I began keeping a diary. Until now, I have made it a rule for myself to write down everything that is outstanding in my spiritual life - both that internal struggle that I wage with myself, and the bitterness of defeat on the part of the prince of air power, and the sweetness of victory, and that gracious help that the Lord gives me in the struggle. From time to time, re-reading your diary and, as it were, looking back at yourself, you clearly see whether you are moving forward, or have stopped in your movement, or even leaned back. Therefore, I consider keeping a diary so important that I try not to let a single day pass without writing at least the shortest note. Always looking after yourself and getting to know yourself more and more, you recognize your helplessness in all respects without the help of God’s grace, especially in defeating evil, and through this you come to humility, to submission to the will of God, always and in everything good and perfect, and you also learn to look at other people with love, compassionately, with a readiness to always and in everything help them. In order to suppress everything unclean and bad in myself and to be always ready to turn to God, I always try to closely monitor my heart and suppress all unclean desires as soon as I notice them. The main thing here is not to allow a sinful thought or feeling to gain a foothold in the soul, to take possession of the mind, heart and whole being and place them on the stone of faith and the commandments of God. When an unclean desire or feeling is just emerging, then it is much easier to pull it out and conquer it than after it has become deeply rooted. The matter of constant internal struggle with oneself is at first extremely difficult, since it is a struggle with a cunning, insidious and experienced enemy - the devil. He uses all kinds of ways to master a person and, having been amazed in one case, immediately uses another, more subtle method. That is why you need to constantly and very carefully watch over yourself.” Here Father John’s speech was interrupted by one of the pastors’ listeners. “Teach us, dear Father, how to act in those cases when all efforts to drive away the enemy from ourselves, to defeat him within ourselves lead to nothing. Then despondency is involuntarily born, the will weakens and hands give up when working. Would the right way to fight in this case be to try not to pay attention to the enemy’s suggestions, so to speak, to not give a damn about him?” Father John objected with liveliness: “Yes, yes, this is how one should do it: namely, one must, by diligently invoking the name of Jesus Christ, with secret, deep repentance, overthrow secret enemies, not pay attention to them, not deal with them, and consider everything they inspire as a harmful dream. You should never lose heart when faced with strong temptations. The Lord is always close to us and is ready, at the very first invocation of His name, to protect and drive away the invisible enemies who fight us. Call upon Me in the day of your tribulation,” He says through the prophet, “and I will deliver you and you will glorify Me (Ps. 49:15).” “Let me also ask you, Father: you often have to experience an extremely difficult feeling at the sight of triumphant evil. How and with what to overcome this kind of despondency in yourself?” “Indeed, you experience an extremely difficult feeling at the sight of triumphant evil; I have to experience this kind of situation often. And what is most painful here is the realization that pastoral zeal is powerless here - you often have to put up with it... Consolation for yourself in these cases can be found in the consciousness that this phenomenon is only temporary, allowed by the Providence of God for special purposes known only to God, and that sooner or later evil will be defeated and good will triumph. And in these cases you need to strengthen yourself with prayer. But do not forget for one minute how much the Lord is merciful and quick to obey, that He always inclines His ear to our prayer and very quickly fulfills our requests and helps us if we completely and completely surrender to His holy will.” Addressing the audience, Father John continued his conversation: “I will tell you all, beloved fathers, that prayer should be our constant companion. And I always maintain a constant prayerful mood in myself: I thank, praise and glorify God the Benefactor in every place of His dominion (Ps. 103:22). Prayer is the life of my soul; I cannot be without prayer. To maintain a constant mood of prayer and communion with the grace of God, I try to serve as often as possible, daily if possible, and partake of the Holy Body and Blood of Christ, each time drawing from this most holy source rich and powerful strength for various pastoral works. In my prayerful appeals to God, I use the prayers laid down in the Trebnik. This book represents such a wealth from which each person can draw everything he needs for his many different needs and prayerful sighs to God. Here the Holy Church, like a humane mother, has diligently collected everything that we need in different occasions in life. During the time free from divine services and pastoral activities, I read the Holy Scriptures of the Old and New Testaments, especially the Holy Gospel - this is the most precious gospel of our salvation for us. When reading, I try to think about every verse, every phrase, even individual words and expressions. And then, with such attentive attention to the holy book, it is as if the veil is lifted: even in individual expressions of the Holy Scriptures, a wealth of thoughts is revealed, such a wealth of principles for preaching that no preacher can exhaust this depth of God. And when you have to give a sermon, for example, on the daily reading of the Holy Scriptures, sometimes you don’t know which idea to choose, which one to prefer: they are so edifying. And how wonderfully the human soul is revealed in Scripture: it seems that there is not a single state of mind that would not find a response here. With a cursory and insufficiently thoughtful reading of the Holy Scriptures, this immense wealth of it slips away. In order to keep up with current life, in my free minutes I read modern periodicals of my choice.” One of those present turned to Father John: “You, Father, with your constant travels around Russia and at home, you almost constantly have to serve with new faces, and mistakes and confusion often occur among those serving with you. And you don’t seem to notice them; look - in a minute you are again in deep and concentrated prayer. Tell me, please, how and with what did you achieve this?” 3 “Only a habit,” answered Father John, “the habit of always praying. When any state of a person becomes normal for him, he very quickly passes into this state. Likewise, having acquired the habit of being in a constant prayerful mood, I can very quickly concentrate in prayer.” The interlocutor continued: “Tell me, Father, what prayer rule do you follow before celebrating the Liturgy during your varied labors, which require time and great effort from you?” “In this case, I follow the ordinary prayer rule laid down by the Church for those approaching Holy Communion, but if it is completely impossible to fulfill the rule, whether due to lack of time, or for other reasons, I shorten the rule, but I always read the prayers before Holy Communion without fail. At the same time, I am guided by the consideration that God needs and is pleased from us not with numerous words and prayers, but with attentive and diligent prayer, offered with all our hearts. Therefore, it is better to read a small number of prayers with full attention and heartfelt emotion than to read a large number of prayers hastily and absent-mindedly. But what elevates me especially greatly and prayerfully motivates me before the Divine Liturgy is the reading of the canons at Matins. I always read the canons at Matins myself. What wealth is contained here, what deep content, what wonderful examples of ardent faith in God, patience in sorrow, fidelity to duty in the most severe torment, the Church offers us here every day! Through reading the canons, the soul little by little becomes imbued with the high feelings and mood of those righteous people whom the Church glorifies, lives among church memories and through this gets used to church life. And I, one might say, was brought up in church life on this reading, which is why I advise others who sincerely wish to acquire spiritual wealth to pay serious attention to the reading of the canons according to the Octoechos, Menaea or Triodion. And to you, dear fathers, I will say: as soon as any of you makes it a rule to read the canon daily, he will experience everything that I have just said; with attentive attention to this reading, he will rise daily in spiritual life and will position himself to imitate that saint or the great host of saints of God who will daily pass before his spiritual gaze. Here, dear fathers and brothers, I have revealed my soul to you, so to speak, shown the face of my soul, so that you can see how I achieved what you see in me. My life is a long, persistent and constant struggle with myself, a struggle that I continue to this day with the constant reinforcement of God’s grace. And each of you can achieve the same results if you constantly and persistently monitor yourself in order to fight against your old man and the spirits of evil, so that, with the help of God’s grace, you can be a lamp, not burning in secret, but in the candlestick (Matthew 5:15). I sincerely, with all my heart, wish this to all of you. Everything that I told you, I said without preparing in advance, but only said what the Lord put on my soul. “I thank you for the loving attitude towards me that you showed during my short stay here in your city, and I am very pleased that, with the favorable permission of the Bishop, I had the opportunity to talk with you.” Father John finished, but the audience asked him to speak more on some pressing issues. First of all, we talked about the tasks of modern shepherding. Father John said that the fulfillment of the work of Christ in modern society is becoming more and more complicated, since, on the one hand, the life of the people and its demands are becoming more complicated, and on the other hand, the enemies of the Church, trying to shake this eternal pillar and affirmation of the truth (1 Tim. 3:15), are resorting to new, more sophisticated methods of struggle. That is why modern shepherds, as builders of the cause of Christ on earth, and, in addition to extensive and versatile education, need great and wise caution and firmness with fidelity to their duty in order to worthily stand guard over the flock entrusted to them by God. Expressing his views on various aspects of modern life, Father especially focused on the desire of those who arbitrarily took on the role of people's leaders to entertain the people with theaters and so on. Father John called the very desire for entertainment a “social disease.” “This,” he said, “is an obvious sign of impoverished spirit, a perverted understanding of life, the absence of other, more serious and valuable interests. And what is most surprising here is that, having lost the true meaning of life and exchanged the deep and serious content of spiritual life for brilliant trifles, the so-called intellectuals strive to instill their views in the people, who have no idea about their favorite pastime. Our people need education, not toys. This is where there is a wide field for activity for pastors - to accustom people to a serious, healthy and Christian pastime.” This ended the conversation with Father John. All those present, deeply moved, unanimously thanked Father John for his fatherly attention to them and the edifying and useful conversation, and the Bishop for giving everyone the opportunity to be so close to everyone’s dear Father John and enjoy his conversation. Word on the 25th anniversary of service as a priest by Father John of Kronstadt Thank you, dear brothers, that you have looked favorably and favorably on my 25-year service in the rank of priest and, as a sign of your favorable attention to me, offer me this precious cross. I don’t know who is more honored in this presentation: you or me. I think that you, who sympathized with my feasible service to the cause of our common sanctification and salvation; yes, to you, the warmth of your faith and love, your Christian feeling. This day, which marked the 25th anniversary of my ordination to the priesthood, could have passed without any special sign of attention to my humble ministry, just as similar days pass in the ministry of many of my brethren. But you, good, enlightened children of the Church, do not like to let these days in the lives of Church leaders go unnoticed. You have already expressed your attention and sympathy in a similar case to the former venerable Fr. deacon, now priest of this church. Now you honor me with your special attention. May you first of all be honored for your favorable attitude toward my infirmities. I say - to weaknesses. Yes, I am filled with weaknesses and I know my weaknesses, but the power of God is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor. 12:9). And it wonderfully happened in me over the course of 25 years, and I dare say, through me in many. I tell you about this power of God in me, about the great grace of God in me, so that together with me you glorify the Lord Jesus Christ, whose power was expressed in me richly and wonderfully! You do not know, brothers, the many temptations in the life and ministry of a priest, which sometimes suddenly strike with extreme force, like a gusty storm. These storms of hell, coming from the serpent of the abyss, are severe; like a fragile boat in the sea, caught in a storm, these storms toss the soul like a small sliver, and are ready to sink it right away; and this is where God’s great help always appears, and by a true miracle, a distressed soul is saved from the drowning of hell, and rejoices and triumphs every time after such God’s help, how it is saved from drowning or from the fire of hell. You stand calmly, for example, in Church, during a divine service, and meanwhile the priest, serving God, is performing, as it were, a kind of feat of single combat with the spiritual Goliath, that is, Satan. But go fight him at least once: you won’t want to go forward. Who gives the priest strength in the fight against this terrible Goliath, whose even one instantaneous breath can immediately kill a soul? Our Lord is almighty, the true King, of whom David was a type and indication. From what storms, passions, sins, sorrows, sorrows did not the Lord, called with faith, deliver me in unfeigned repentance? What ailments of mine did you not heal? What troubles did you not get rid of? – Glory to His salvation and help. By His mercy and power I was saved a hundred times in one day - how many salvations and mercies of God were there over the course of 25 years? There are no numbers for them. My gratitude to the Lord is endless. And I thank the Lord every day; every day I entered the mercies of the Lord into my memorial book: may they not be forgotten until the century, and may the memory of them strengthen my faith and hope for the future. Brethren! High is the ministry of the priest; it is a heavenly ministry on earth, an angelic ministry, a ministry of reconciling people with God; with the assistance of our ministry, the Lord cleanses us from sinful filth, sanctifies us, confirms us all in the faith, and delivers us from the power of the devil. But the higher our service, the more naturally our common adversary arouses his abuse against the priest, and the priest has to be the first to take upon himself his kindled arrows, to experience the scorching poison of his deadly sting, and you know in advance when he will shoot clouds of arrows at you from around his corner. And alas! You feel them piercing your soul; you feel your soul drinking deadly poison. But thank God that this misfortune does not completely overtake you; The Lord comes and saves: and the saved souls triumph, rejoicing in the salvation of God. So, for everything, glory to the Lord; mine are only weaknesses and sins. As for my sacred prayer service, while serving the salvation of your souls, I also serve my own salvation. May the Lord our God bless and save us all. Homily on the day of remembrance of our Venerable Father John of Rylsky, October 19, 1899 The days of our years are seventy years, and when of greater strength - eighty years. Today, by God’s grace, I have completed seventy years of life, the grace of the priesthood that I received from the Lord is almost forty-four years. I consider it fair and proper for myself to look back on the time I have lived and remember God’s mercies to me. Great is the mercy of God that I lived to see such years. Truly the power of God is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor. 12:9). Who of those who knew me in infancy could have thought that I would live to be eighty years old, which, according to the prophet, constitutes the extreme limit of the life of a person, an earthly wanderer? I grew up sickly, weak, and in very infancy a serious illness - smallpox - almost brought me to the grave, I was on the verge of death, according to the apt rumor of man. The Lord saved my life: I recovered and began to grow. The time had come to study - I was taken to school. Science was dark to me, I was not prepared at home; he himself had to reach understanding and knowledge; I recognized and felt my helplessness, looked jealously at the successes of my comrades and began to ask for help and understanding from God, who gives to all who ask simply and without reproach (James 1:5), according to the expression of the Apostle James, and the Lord opened my mind: I was illuminated by the light of God; literacy became clear to me, and I began to excel in sciences appropriate to my age and educational goals. But even then, during my studies, how many serious illnesses I suffered! With weak physical strength, I went through three educational and educational schools: lower, middle and higher, gradually forming and developing three spiritual forces: mind, heart and will as the image of a tripartite soul, created in the image of the Holy Life-Giving Trinity. The Higher Theological School, which was given the name Theological Academy, had a particularly beneficial influence on me. Theological, philosophical, historical and various other sciences, widely and deeply taught, clarified and expanded my worldview, and I, by God’s grace, began to enter the depths of theological contemplation, learning more and more the depth of the goodness of God, which created everything wisely, beautifully, beneficially, subordinating all creatures to the solid harmonious laws of life; My mind and heart were especially captivated by the wise, wondrous plan for the salvation of the perishing human race through the Divine Lamb of God Jesus Christ, who takes away the sins of the world (John 1:29); A religious feeling, which was instilled in me by my pious parents, developed and strengthened in me. Having read the Bible with the Gospel and many of the works of Chrysostom and other ancient fathers, as well as the Russian Chrysostom Philaret of Moscow and other church developments, I felt a special attraction to the title of priest and began to pray to the Lord that He would grant me the grace of the priesthood and shepherding of His verbal sheep. Reflecting on the wonderful, loving economy of God in the salvation of the human race, I shed abundant and hot tears, burning with the desire to contribute to the salvation of perishing humanity. And the Lord fulfilled my desire. Soon after graduating from high school, I was elevated to the height of priestly rank. And now for the forty-fourth year I have been passing this title, bringing prayers, supplications, petitions, thanksgivings to God for all people, for the king and for everyone in power (1 Tim. 2:1:2) and offering the Bloodless Sacrifice almost daily, reconciling creatures with the Creator, for the Lord gave the priests the ministry of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:18), through which I myself am reconciled daily with the Righteous One As a judge, I anger those who are angry daily, and I reconcile people, turning away His righteous anger, which is directed at us for the sake of our sins, leading them away from crooked, destructive paths and showing them the right paths. I thank the Lord, who has given me the opportunity and convenience, through frequent services, to study the entire range of our liturgical books, to know their wise composition and richness of content and images of the greatest saving repentance of sinners and God’s mercy for those who repent, all the depth of theology, all the sweetness of the praise of God and the wondrous praise of the Mother of God, love for God and the various exploits of countless saints. I thank the Lord that He has deigned me to be born and raised, and to be a priest in the Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church and a member of it, although unworthy, and to be worthy of its intercession before God, for which I hope that it will not shame me, for I do not rely on my own works, which I do not have, but on the merits of the Lord Jesus Christ, who redeemed me with His Blood from sin, curse and death, on the prayers of the Mother of God, holy angels and all saints. They will pray to the Lord for me, and He will bring me into His Heavenly Kingdom. Dear brothers, priests and co-shepherds of the verbal flock of Christ! We have been entrusted by God with the greatest ministry. We are invested with the grace of the priesthood, we are authorized by the grace of the all-active and all-sanctifying Spirit of God to perform the greatest Mysteries of God in the Church of the revival and sanctification of sinful humanity, renewal, reconciliation of ourselves and him with God, we stand before the Throne of the Almighty face to face, we talk with Him, we implore Him, we glorify and thank Him, we constantly turn to Him as His closest servants and builders of His mysteries (1 Cor. 4:1). What faith is required of us, what reverence, what unceasing attention to ourselves, what purity of heart, what dispassion, what trust in God, what love for God and neighbor, what boldness, what wisdom and simplicity, what detachment from all evil, what mercy and compassion for people mired in sins! A priest, living on earth, must be heavenly, wise on high, and not earthly (Col. 3:2), and completely devoted to God and the salvation of people. Where can we get all this, where can we get such abundant grace? God has given us all grace. We must constantly test ourselves, awaken ourselves from the sleep with which the enemy constantly tries to rob us; We must warm up the gift of God’s grace (2 Tim. 1:6), given to us at our ordination; we must be on guard day and night for ourselves and our flocks. We are endowed with the grace of the priesthood, the grace of intercession for the people and for the whole world, the grace to perform the great Christian Mysteries, which can greatly contribute to our salvation, wisdom, strengthening of spirit and body, and the salvation of our neighbors. The saints were people obedient to us, but they themselves were saved and saved many, many people who obeyed them. We will save ourselves and others if we are zealous, for the Holy Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings that cannot be uttered (Rom. 8:26). And thank God! The shepherds have now ardently taken up their holy work of shepherding, excited and encouraged by their archpastors. Schools in the spirit of the church are multiplying and growing, the fruits of teaching are visible everywhere; people are enlightened. And this is necessary. These are shaky, rebellious, turbulent times. Sectarians and schismatics diligently sow the tares of false teachings among the people, trying to tear away simple-minded people from the Church, but the grace of God is stronger than the wiles of the enemy, greater than the one who is in us, that is, the Lord, than the one who is in the world, that is, the spirit of flattery and malice (1 John 4:4). The Lord put all His enemies under His feet (1 Cor. 15:25). And we will be His zealous helpers, as the apostle says: For we are God’s helpers (1 Cor. 3:9). For forty-four years I have been a priest by the grace of God, may the Lord help me to continue to priest for His glory and for the salvation of His people, and may He vouchsafe me and you to achieve possible perfection in the work of our salvation to the measure of the age of Christ (Eph. 4:13), I wish this from my heart to all my fellow shepherds, I wish all the people of God to be blameless and holy. Amen. Currently, Kronstadt has completely changed - drunken sailors and wild revelry are an extremely rare phenomenon. Father John's jealousy overcame evil. The extent to which Father John did not seek fame can be seen from the fact that Paraskeva Ivanovna Kovrigina, who spread rumors about healings through Father John and sent to him persons in need of special help from God, received severe reprimands from him for publicity, and for some time he did not want to have communication and conversation with her. The questioner knows very well that during the first time of his priesthood, Father John, due to his extraordinary nervousness, was completely unable to quickly concentrate after being distracted by something from his deep prayer. So it is with Father John. – Ed.