Victory that conquered the world

The proposed book was borrowed by the publisher from the works of the English writer Lilly and in the original bears the title: The Christian Revolution. This article is accompanied by a Russian translation (from Latin) of the IX book of the creation of St. Augustine: Confession. The entire educated world, dating back to the Nativity of Christ, thereby, although for the most part unconsciously, testifies to the supreme importance of the Christian faith in the destinies of mankind. The Nativity of Christ, in a remote den of the land of Judea, 19 centuries ago, is an event with which in reality, regardless of any teachings and theories, the greatest of revolutions in the human race is associated. It is true that it has long been the custom to spread beyond measure the area affected by this revolution, both material and spiritual. Everyone admits that the Christian faith has conquered the universe; however, having considered, it must be admitted that only a small part of the human race professes Christianity in the sense of a certain belief. Christianity brought people to the knowledge of God and illuminated life and immortality for them. Is it true; however, there is no doubt that before Christianity, many ancient systems of philosophy and religion recognized the existence of the supreme power of the divine over man, the sanctity of moral duty, and the hope of an afterlife and afterlife reward. With all this, it is undeniable, and is recognized by the non-believers themselves, that Christianity, over the course of many centuries, has educated and formed thoughts, beliefs and aspirations in all the advanced tribes of the human race. It was the predominant force that directed the entire course of European and world history. This cannot be denied by any authority, no matter what school one belongs to, no matter how different individual and personal views and judgments may be. So, it is desirable to investigate how the faith of Christ produced such an effect, what are the main features of this revolution, what is its internal significance in the direction of human thought and in determining the destinies of mankind. Everyone will no doubt admit it. that whatever our personal opinions about Christ, about His work and His life, and about the circumstances that caused His appearance, the image of Jesus Christ is the highest and most perfect in the history of the world, that in it is the only and incomparable Teacher among all people who have ever strived to raise human life and thoughts to a spiritual height. So, it is clear that at all times, high minds with admiration saw in Him the supreme expression of Divine thought. This is how the evangelist expresses himself: “The Word became flesh and dwelt in us.” But here are the words of Spinoza: “Eternal wisdom has appeared in every creation, especially in the human spirit, and most of all, in Christ Jesus.” “The Spirit of Christ is the idea of ​​the Divine” So, this time leaving aside all theological studies and discussions about the Person and teaching of Jesus Christ, let us ask ourselves what is the ideal that He brought into the world. He Himself said about Himself: “He came and cast fire upon the earth.” What divine spark lit this fire? Whatever opinions may exist about the time of writing, about the writers, about the authority of the books that make up the New Testament, it remains undoubted that 1800 years ago the Teacher lived among the green hills and clear streams of Galilee, and gathered around Him a small flock of disciples, mostly humble and unbookish people, who earned their daily bread by the labor of their hands; that His whole life, in poverty, in humility, in renunciation of family ties, was spent preaching the teachings of faith and morality and was crowned with a shameful death; that this teaching did not disappear with His death, but on the contrary, it strengthened and expanded after He completed His ministry, so that, according to His word, His followers began to do greater things than He Himself did; things that did not pass away, but remained with us and are operating fruitfully to this day. What was His teaching? There can be no doubt about his essence 1 . First of all, we see that the first, dominant thought, penetrating all His teaching speeches, is the concept of the Heavenly Father, God, the Father not only of the Jews, but of the entire human race. This teaching about the filial relationship of man to God, about the affinity of human nature, on its best side, with the Divine Being - this is the source from which all the moral and religious teachings of Christ flow. Forgive insults. For what? Because “if you do not forgive men their sins, neither will your Father in heaven forgive you your sins.” Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, pray for those who persecute you. For what? “May you be sons of your Father who is in heaven, as His sun shines on the evil and on the good, and rains on the righteous and on the unjust.” “Be perfect.” For what? Because your Father who is in heaven is perfect. Excessive concern for the needs of life here is condemned. For what? In order that “your Heavenly Father knows that he demands these all. He feeds the birds of the air: are you not better than all of them? He clothes the village krin, as Solomon did not clothe himself in all his glory: will he not clothe him much more than you?” Ask and it will be given to you. For what? Because if you yourself, “being evil, know how to give good things to your children, how much more will your Heavenly Father give good things to those who ask Him.” Be pure in your thoughts. For what? For what your Father sees in secret. – This is the first and great note of the teachings of Christ. The moral principles He preached do not contain anything new for the world, nothing that the human mind itself could not achieve. Many, not without reason, have noticed that similar principles can be extracted from previous teachers who were before Christ. But what is new in the Gospel teaching is the sanction on which it is affirmed, that supernatural spiritual impulse that is attached to good activity. The very idea of ​​the Heavenly Father was not new. But Jesus Christ revealed it in a new light, so that from an abstract doctrine it was transformed into a living and life-giving principle of all human existence. This concept has become the actual and first reality of human life. Further, just as clearly and unquestionably, He declared Himself to be a Teacher sent from God, in a special meaning that belongs only to Him: He is the living path to God, He is the Son of God, abiding in the Divinity; He is the Savior, sent to free man from the violence of carnal lust, which distracts him from the Highest God; to heal human nature, ulcerated, prostrate, half-dead, powerless, and move one step closer to one’s true fatherland, which is God. And His title, which He proclaimed, is not only higher and more excellent than the title of all the prophets and founders of religion, but is also completely different in nature. This very title was both the reason for His condemnation and execution, and at the same time the reason for the amazing triumph of the faith of Christ. This is true, events testify to this. What truly created the Christian Church? Not by any system or theory, not by the manifestation of a miraculous power that drew people to Jesus Christ, but by the irresistible action of a soul on another soul. He preached self-denial, self-sacrifice to his disciples, but also to those who “having abandoned everything and taken up their cross, walking in Him,” He offered not a system of teachings, not a code of laws - but Himself, revealing in Himself the truth that is the supreme desire of the soul. Conversing with the Teacher day after day, putting His word and His work in your soul, feeding on His spirit, cleansing your heart from all, even the most tender and pure, earthly attachments, to the point where you can say: “I live, and not I live, but Christ lives in me” - this was the spiritual discipline that His disciples underwent both in the desert, and on the mountain, and on the shores of Lake Gennesaret. And when on the cross the supreme lesson of sacrifice, humility, self-exhausting love appeared before them, and the disciples dispersed everywhere to preach the Word, the lesson to their people was the same as that which they had been taught. “We do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord,” one of them testifies, and they all taught in the same spirit. The teaching that, according to the Apostle Paul, he taught to the Corinthians, which they accepted, on which they were established and by which they were saved, did not consist of a collection of dogmas: Jesus Christ was preached to them, the Person in whom the eternally ideal appeared to them historically real, real, Christ appeared and, having taken possession of the entire soul of man, established His throne in it. All the events of the apostolic age testify that this was the gospel preached everywhere. The historical fact cannot be denied. Not the teaching itself, no matter how bright and sweet it may be, and not the enthusiasm of all humanity. - but Jesus Christ himself, with His face, both human and Divine, being lifted up on the cross, struck with great contrition the orthodox Pharisee, the materialist Sadducee of fallen Judea, the agnostic philosopher of enslaved Greece, and the majestic dignitary and rude warrior of the Roman Empire. His head is crowned with thorns, His eyes are clouded with tears, His face is humiliated more than all the sons of men, His limbs are broken and cut - and now in Him the virgins recognize the red one above all beauty, the only beloved above all, and they want to have Him alone as their groom for eternity. The wives, whose entire lives had been spent in the filth of debauchery, only looked at Him in His unspeakable sorrow, when all passion of lust disappeared in them, giving way to the strongest passion of purification. The sight of Him inspires elders and little children with love stronger than death. The elderly bishop, on the way to the place of execution, where lions are ready to tear him to pieces, “still alive, but thirsting for death,” writes to his flock: “Now I am just beginning to be a disciple of Christ.” The young Syracuse maiden calmly looks at her chest, torn to pieces by the tormentor’s knife: “My beauty will remain intact for my heavenly Bridegroom.” They torture St. Deacon - all his limbs are covered with hot copper, his whole body has turned into a continuous wound - and to all the demands of the tormentors he answers one thing: “I am a Christian”; so, according to the testimony of the people who were there, he remained firm and unshakable to the end, “washed and strengthened from the heavenly source of living water flowing from the heart of Christ.” And so they all, the whole noble host of martyrs, all stood strengthened by the power of Him Whom, without seeing, they loved. Both they and their brothers, who looked with lust at their suffering and then buried their remains, were animated by one thought, one feeling - that they were not their own, but bought at a price; that life - true life, theirs - is hidden with Christ in God. When you read the first history of the Christian Church, the acts of martyrdom, the Peristephanon of Prudentius - the lofty monument of primitive faith and worship - you are struck by this thought, and do not the minds blinded by prejudice see this? For the first Christians, everything consisted in the person of Jesus Christ, in whom, according to faith, all the fullness of the physical Divinity dwells: in Him was the source from which they drew the rules of life in all its highest and lowest details. People were definitely reborn with a new spiritual feeling. We stopped from sin - because Christ in His body bore our sins on the tree, so that we might die to sin and begin to live in righteousness. They studied selflessly, because Christ did not please Himself. We endured every attack for the sake of God, because Christ suffered for us, leaving us an example to imitate. They abstained from carnal lusts because their members became members of Christ. They counted the most severe torments as joy, because they became partakers of the sufferings of Christ. In a word, everything they had was united in the spirit of what Ap expresses. Paul said: “Let this be wisdom in you, even in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 2:5). Christianity changed life in people by changing their ideal of life. To place before people an ideal, the supernatural ideal of the Heavenly Father, and to arouse them to its implementation - this is the whole secret of the Christian revolution. Is the story true or not about how Emperor Julian, dying, exclaimed: “You have won, Galilean!” - this word expresses the real truth. The victory of Christianity is the personal victory of its Founder. Not a system of teaching, not a code of moral rules, but He Himself, the Prophet of Nazareth, the One whom people killed by hanging on a tree, triumphed over the greatness of the Caesars and on the ruins of ancient Roman citizenship founded - more than Rome - a strong and abiding dominion. So, this is the great idea that formed the basis of the Christian revolution - the idea of ​​God, the universal Father, revealed in the person of Jesus Christ. This is the seed, in the likeness of the Gospel, that the Supreme Sower put into the religious conscience of humanity, a seed that in its time was destined to grow into such a mighty harvest. Just as one acorn can contain a whole oak tree, so in this one idea is contained the whole teaching and the whole discipline of the Christian Church, which is nothing other than the revelation and development of the Gospel. “It is fitting for Him to reign,” says the apostle, “until He puts all enemies under His feet.” – (1 Cor. 15:25). But in a kingdom there is a presupposition of a code of rules and a government. So, the work of the Church in the first four centuries was the organization, on solid foundations, of Christian society. Her first task was to build the Church’s teaching about God. The essence of this teaching is expressed in the words of the Apostle Paul: “Christ was revealed to be the Son of God in power, according to the Spirit of Holiness, through the resurrection from the dead.” (Rom.1:4). From here the Church derives the most philosophical of its dogmas, and in the name of St. The Trinity, which was first expressed by Theophilus at the end of the 2nd century, is the greatest mystery of faith. In the same century, Tertullian strongly preaches the one being of the Son with the Most High Father. In the next century, Origen proclaims before the century the birth of the Son. At the beginning of the fourth century, Athanasius rose up in defense of the confession of faith and the Council of Nicea clothed it in the well-known Symbol, supplemented 50 years after that in Constantinople by the definitive teaching about St. Spirit: and so it poured out into the form in which it is firmly contained to this day. Thus, having conquered one after another the fantasies and dreams of Jewish and pagan mentality, the Church established its building in the mind of Christian dogmatic development, and at the same time, with slow but firm action, managed to overcome the autonomy of imperial rule. The Roman state, by its basic principles, did not allow another organization different from itself next to itself. And the Church, on the other hand, also set itself up as a kingdom, a spiritual one, it is true, but a visible kingdom, with the right to rule, manage, judge and resolve its subjects, regardless of other authorities. Its essential property was its internal, organic unity, by which it differs from other great religions, Buddhism and Islam, which also assign to themselves universal significance. This was its most obvious difference from all the cults and philosophical teachings with which it was surrounded in the Roman Empire - a difference so strange and incomprehensible to the state authorities and which served as the main reason for the accusations brought against it. It is not without reason that the unbelieving Jews in Thessalonica raised a cry against Paul and Silas, accusing them of opposing the commands of Caesar, “another King who gnaws at the being of Jesus.” (Acts 7:7). This was an accusation of lese majeste, an accusation that, above all others, affected the rulers of the Roman Empire, and most of all - the best, people like Trajan, Antoninus, Marcus Aurelius, Hadrian. They were imbued with the conviction that the whole cause of civilization was connected with the empire, which, in the expressive words of one Greek orator, contained the entire universe in one city, about which the famous geographer of antiquity said that Rome taught man humanity. Naturally, these rulers, from their political point of view, surveying their universal region beneath them, considering all the glory of its literary and philosophical figures, the acuity and wisdom of the legal development of thought, the perfection of the administrative organization, protected by the “immeasurable greatness of the Roman world,” and could not reason otherwise; and sought to suppress with the most severe measures the revolutionary sect, which - all this greatness was considered nothing in comparison with the dream of a future life preached by a certain dead man, of whom his fanatical followers teach that he is alive and will soon come to judge the world with fire. Truly, this was the most decisive and decisive struggle for culture (Kulturkampf), and we know with what energy it was waged for almost three centuries (albeit with intervals of pacification) - from the crucifixion of Christ in 29 AD until the Edict of Constantine in 313. This struggle ended with the victory of the spiritual principle. Paganism was overthrown, one might say, by its own weapons. It did not recognize any other law than the rights of the strongest; and love turned out to be stronger and stronger than death. What was the purpose of beating people who did not value their lives in the service of “their invisible King”? Moreover, they believed that by laying down their lives for Him, they did not lose, but gained life. Such was the strength of the faith of Christ at that time when, according to the expression of the blessed one. Jerome, “the blood of our Lord was still warm, and faith in Him burned like a flame among the believers.” The Council of Nicea, in 325 A.D., was an external symbol of the victory of Christianity. The long-term efforts of the empire could not depose him. The wisdom of Constantine comprehended its full significance and inspired us to look for a spiritual connection in it for all parts of the empire. He himself says that by some divine inspiration the intention to convene the Council was inspired in him. This Council was the most decisive event and the most expressive sign of the times. In response to the imperial letters, 316 bishops gathered in the small city of Asia Minor from all parts of the empire, which, in the minds of contemporaries, embraced the entire inhabited world (ή οικουμένη). The geographical limits of the empire in practice coincided with the limits of the Church. Only two hierarchs were present at the Council who did not recognize themselves as subjects of Caesar: John, Bishop of Persia and Theophilus of Scythia. What was the main and essential purpose of such a high meeting? The goal was to reveal the image of Christ and His kingdom to the whole world: this is the success the Christian revolution achieved over the course of three centuries. Thus, over time, the words of the Thessaloniki Jews were justified. The faith preached by Paul and Silas transformed the world. Caesar recognized the dominance of another king over himself, “a certain Jesus,” whom they preached. What was the effect of this revolution on individuals and on the whole society? We will see this most clearly in the example of one famous person: in his writings he himself reveals to us in complete completeness everything that happened in his soul and in the society among which he lived - he also reveals to us the aspirations of the subsequent time, which was especially nourished by his spirit. I mean Blessed Augustine: in him everything that was introduced over four centuries into the moral and spiritual nature of humanity was expressed; in it Christian thought received an expression that dominated the Western world for a thousand years; in his mind, as if in a vast lake, numerous streams of primitive Christian thinking, theological and metaphysical, merged, and from here they later poured out into two great currents of medieval, dogmatic and mystical philosophy, river aspirations that rejoiced the city of God. Life of St. Augustine from 354 A.D. to 430. His father was a poor citizen of the mountains. Tagasta in Numidia. His parents, using their last means, gave him an upbringing, first in Madaure, then in Carthage, and then, when he came of age, he returned as a teacher of rhetoric to his native city. His father Patricius was a pagan, but before his death he was baptized, attracted to Christianity by the wisdom, patience and piety of his wife Monica. Augustine by nature was a man of an ardent spirit and an inquisitive, anxious, impetuous, passionate mind in his hobbies, both sensual and spiritual. His life in the first 33 years was hectic: not adhering to solid principles either in religion or in philosophy, he moved from one system to another, alternately getting carried away. He was not, apparently, a libertine, in the sense of his time or ours. From the age of 18, he took a concubine (according to Roman law of that time, this was considered, although a lower, but legal form of marriage) and lived with him for 13 years, receiving from her a son, to whom he gave the name Adeodata (given by God). In 376, the loss of his dearly beloved friend prompted him to leave Tagast: his passionate nature could not come to terms with grief, and this place, according to him, became unbearable for him; his heart “was clothed in darkness, and wherever he turned his gaze, he saw death everywhere.” He moved to Carthage and here he began to continue the “trade of speeches” until 383; then he left for Rome, from where two years later he moved to Milan and opened public readings on rhetoric here. Here, after 4 years, he was baptized by St. Ambrose, sold all his property and distributed the money to the poor. In 388 he left Italy, moved to Hippo, a seaside town in Numidia, and founded a religious community there. The following year, Bishop Valery ordained him as a priest, against his will, at the demand of the people. In 395, the people also forced Valery to take him as vicar, and a few months later, after Valery, he assumed his episcopal see. The remaining 35 years of Augustine's life were devoted to the management of the diocese, the polemical struggle with the Manichaeans, Pelagians, and Donatists; presentation, development and affirmation of the philosophical and theological truths of Christian teaching. He died in 430, in the third month of the siege of Hippo by the Vandals, having worked to the end with all his might in fulfilling his duty, without wavering for a minute in his complete trust in God’s providence for peace, at a time when around him all human hearts were languishing with fear in view and in hope of the horrors being committed throughout the earth. “Thou art righteous, Lord, and thy judgments are just”: such was, according to his biographer, his constant thought in these dark last days of his earthly life. This is the supreme, extreme word of faith at all times and everywhere; the only anchor of the soul, strong and reliable, in the midst of all the storms of bitter turmoil that threaten the final destruction of the world. In external circumstances, Augustine’s life is completely similar to the life of many archpastors of that time. What gives him special importance for us is that he depicted for us the inner life of his soul. All his writings reveal it to us as if in passing and unconsciously; but in complete completeness and with conscious thought it is revealed in his Confessiones: this is a wonderful history of the soul, as if written with radiant tears, and at the same time the only exposition of mystical philosophy in the world; a great creation, not only because of the high mind with which it is all permeated, but because of its incomparable purity, soundness, and restraint of thought. Here he tells how the faith of Christ conquered him and led him into captivity of true freedom and what change it brought about in him. But when reading this wonderful story, you need to know what happened during the time when its events took place. That was the century when the rapid disintegration of the great empire erected by the emperor on the ruins of Roman freedom took place. Seventeen years before the birth of Augustine, the first division of the empire took place between the sons of Constantine. In the very year of his birth, a new division takes place, Valens and Valentinian establish their capitals - one in Rome, the other in Milan. In 392, Theodosius again unites East and West under one authority. But in 395 his sixteen-year reign ended and at the same time the unity of imperial power disintegrated. This great event marks the end of the fourth century. A truly great event is a sign of the rapid disintegration of the political. But it was a century of mental and moral decay. The ancient folk beliefs of the regions that fell under the rule and civilization of Rome have long lost meaning for the minds of the upper classes. Philosophers became their spiritual leaders, and the air was filled with the polyphony of different systems, the mixture of teachings, in which we can discern the beginning of that diversity of opinions that characterizes our time. Augustine (De Civit. I. XIX. ch. 1), citing Varro, cites no less than two hundred and eighty-eight known teachings on the question of the true purpose of human activity. But all the teachers of disintegrating paganism agreed on one point. All of them, even the best ones, for example. the Stoics, and even the Neoplatonists, were deprived of consciousness of the holiness of God and the need for the sanctification of man. They were aware of the evil in the world, very definitely, but physical evil and moral evil were confused in their concept. Fatalism was the basis of all metaphysical ideas and the last word of all their argumentation. In some of these seekers of truth, we are undoubtedly struck by the sublimity of thought, the purity of motives, and the impeccability of life: we see their noblest example in Marcus Aurelius. But the philosophy in which these people, with more or less success, sought guidance for life and conduct, was the property of only a few chosen souls. The entire multitude of the human mass was drowned in coarse, depraved and cruel sensuality, and followed a religious rite that had lost its meaning: it had already become offensive to reason, but it catered to sensual passions and responded to the lower instincts of nature - the instincts of the monkey and the tiger, so that both bloodshed and debauchery became part of religion. The Roman Colosseum, the Church of the Sun, resounded with the cries of ferocious, monstrous delight of the crowd of eighty thousand spectators at the sight of the terrible agony of the tormented human victims. The theater, erected in honor and under the name of Venus, was dedicated to spectacles of abominations similar to those with which the founders of the first French Republic honored and celebrated the Goddess of Reason in the Parisian churches. We are accustomed to highly value the literature of the Roman Empire even in the era of its decline: undoubtedly, the spirit of philanthropy and love for humanity is heard in it, the depth and development of legal thought is striking in it; but regardless of it, in the popular consciousness there is no trace of the concept of the human person, of its spiritual significance, of respect for it - and could there be anything like that in a society that is based on slavery? This is where the main line separating ancient civilization from ours lies. In this world, not only everything that constitutes the “mass of the population” in our country consisted of slaves, the same tribe as the masters, but also doctors, artists, singers, teachers - the vast majority belonged to the ranks of slaves - were considered on a par with cattle and were defenseless victims of the cruelty, stinginess and voluptuousness of their masters. This is the century in which Augustine was born. At a very early age, his lively, inquisitive mind awoke and began to work on the ancient question: what is the purpose of our life? One book by Cicero, lost to us, a philosophical work called Hortensius, inflamed him with a love of wisdom and kindled in his soul a desire to know the truth; everything else in the world seemed insignificant to him in comparison with the truth. He began to look for her everywhere. Among the Manichaeans: they declared that their religion was the religion of science, but his inquisitive mind soon recognized the futility of their teaching. The pagan philosophers - but none of them satisfied him, no matter how great and precious the truths contained in their teaching were. Plato in particular (as he is presented in the writings of the Neoplatonists). Augustine found sublime ideas about the Divine, deep thoughts and reasoning about the true purpose of human existence in view of the absolute and eternal and in conjunction with it. That was the last, and one might say, the most perfect word of Hellenic philosophy, and Augustine, in his later writings (De Civit. I. X. ch. 2) says that he owes a lot to Plato. He learned from Plotinus (the great Platonist, “magnus ille Platonicus”) that the intelligent soul, higher than itself, knows only God, the Creator of the world, its Creator and Enlightener, and that in the communion of the Divine light our only bliss. But this God seemed to be only the soul of the universe - universitatis anima - and the Neoplatonic teaching about the path to union with the Divine seemed to Augustine both vague and dry, without sweetness. In the 7th book of his Confession (chapter 17) he tells how, ascending from bodily forms to the sentient soul - from here to the inner power of the soul perceiving impressions from the bodily senses - from here to the mental power of reasoning about what is perceived - and from here to that rational light with which the mind is enlightened to discern the truth - he finally reached the Existing One, in a reverent vision of the flashing light (et. pervenit ad Id quod est, in ictu trepidantis aspectus). And then the Imperishable, Self-Existing, Absolute and Eternal was revealed to him. But how to approach it, how to achieve union with it - this was not found. “Your beauty,” writes Augustine, “irresistibly drew me to You, but I was pulled down, further and further, by the burden of my burden - it was the burden of the carnal habit “et pondus hoc consuetudo carnalis.” What kind of carnal skill pulled this fiery soul down to the ground, striving to rise to its true home, to the “fiery source of souls” (igneus fons animarum)? It was love for the world and for worldly things, incompatible with love for God, according to the teaching of the Apostle: a charm produced on the soul by the totality of visible, sensory things, appealing to the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life. “I thirsted,” he says, “for honors, I thirsted for wealth, I thirsted for marriage bonds,” and this thirst pulled him to the side. Then he turned to Paul's epistles and here he read something about which there was not a word in the books of the Neoplatonists: about the law of sin reigning in his members and holding him captive, and about the grace of God in Christ Jesus, powerful to deliver him from the body of death. “And in a wondrous way these words sank into his inner being, and he saw the works of God and was afraid.” (Haes mihi inviscerabantur miris modis et consideraveram opera Tua et expaveram. Confess. I. VII. ch. 2). The question for him was about a decisive choice: either to give all of himself, or not to give at all; either accept faith in Jesus Christ in its highest form - renunciation and asceticism, or not accept it at all. The average state (medior locus), provided to those to whom the advice about perfection seems harsh, did not satisfy him. “I found,” he says, “beads of great value—I should have sold everything I had and bought it—but I doubted.” What finally decided it? I decided by the example of other people. A certain Pontinian, a Christian who held an important position at the imperial court, came to him for some business while he was sitting with his friend Alypius reading Paul's epistles. Noticing that he was deeply interested in the objects of the Christian faith, he entered into a conversation with him about faith and began, among other things, to talk about the holy ascetic life of St. Anthony and the Thebaid Hermits; He also told the story of his two friends. how they, being with him in the service of the emperor in Trier, were struck by the miraculous image of desert living, and having decided to devote themselves to him, they abandoned their careers and left the brides to whom they were engaged. This story inflamed Augustine, and he himself seemed pitiful and contemptible (quam turpis essem quam distortus et sordidus, maculosus et ulcerosus). And now the bonds that held him, which previously seemed soft and silk, became iron for him. “My ancient mistresses,” he says, “of vanity of vanities, held me tightly and pulled me by the garment of my flesh and whispered in my ears: do you really want to leave us, and from this moment say goodbye to us forever? And will you never do this and that? So they instilled in me both this and that, my God, my God! What is my poverty, what is my shame! An internal struggle tormented him - in tears he sought solitude. And then, when he repeated to himself: how long will it be like this - everything is asking for until tomorrow - why not today, why not now? – He heard wonderful words: take it, read it! take it, read it! Tolle et lege, tolle et lege. He remembered the story about St. Anthony, like him, having fallen, as if by chance, on the verse of the Gospel: “Go, sell the hedgehogs and give them to the poor and have treasures in heaven - and follow Me,” he decided to go into the desert. He remembered - and returned to the place where he left the book of Pavlov’s messages, near his friend Alypius. “I took it,” he says, “opened it and read in silence the first thing that caught my eye: “Not by riotousness and drunkenness, not by fornication and adultery, not by zeal and envy, but put on our Lord Jesus Christ and do not indulge in the lust of the flesh.” (Rom.13:13:14). There was nothing further to read. As soon as I finished this verse, light and peace descended into my soul - the darkness disappeared, all doubts disappeared. “Put on the Lord Jesus Christ.” This is the ideal that he finally came to know and to which he strove. From then on, the rule of activity for him was no longer his former corrupted will, but “a good, favorable and perfect will, with which he sought to conform in the renewal of the spirit: not to want what he wanted before, but to want what God wanted (“nolle quod volebam et veile quod volebas”). The objects of desire that had previously captivated him so much, the thirst for wealth, honor, female love, became for him as empty and insignificant as night visions. It was as if a blind man had his eyes opened. Before the eternal sweetness, the desires of the temporary faded away in him. What had previously seemed like joy to him, what he was most afraid of losing, he now rejected with great joy. He achieved freedom from the gnawing cares of worldly enterprises - the freedom of quiet and complete renunciation. In all literature there is hardly anything similar to those pages of the Confession filled with solemn delight, in which Augustine describes these events of his life. This is like a funeral psalm to the old and an introductory hymn to a new life. Then, moving on to another subject, he talks with the deep tenderness of a loving soul about his mother Monica and his last farewell to her; finally talk about himself, how he bowed his head under the yoke, laid on himself the burden of Christ and took up His cross and followed Him. “Many,” he says, “who knew me in the past, or did not know me, but heard about me, would not have guessed what I have become now. I want to reveal myself as such as much as I can - for who knows himself completely? Only the Creator of man knows what is in man. One thing I know and one thing is certain: that the Word of God, swift and piercing sharper than a two-edged sword, has wounded my heart and inflamed it with the love of God: “Non dubia sed certa conscientia, Domine, amo Te: percussisti enim cor meum Verbo Tuo et amavi Te.” But what do I love when I love God? And where do I find God? The whole universe, full of order and beauty, proclaims the Supreme Intelligence that created it; covers Him, and opens Him, and the soul confesses: I am not He, but He is my Creator. There can be nothing material in Him. Mind is superior to the matter it animates. But God is the life of our life.” - Here Augustine turns to his soul, considering its strengths and abilities, and with amazing subtlety of analysis passes through the “plains and vast chambers of memory.” Surely God dwells here; but how? Not in the images of perishable things, not in the sensations of the soul, lower in the very center of the mind, which is established in memory. “But why,” he asks further, “ask about the habitat, what would such a place really be like? You truly dwell in my memory, for I remember You from the time I recognized You, and there I find You when I remember You. I fell in love with you too late, primordial beauty, beauty so new to me! I fell in love with you late. You were inside, I was outside: and here I was looking for You, greedily rushing in my ugliness for the images of beauty created by You. You were with me when I wandered far from You. And those very things that exist because You are in them, those same things took me away from You. You called me, You cried out to me, You conquered my deafness; You sent Your lightnings, You shone with all Your light and drove away my blindness. Your sweet cry of fragrance embraced me, and I held my breath and longed for You. I have tasted You, but I still hunger and thirst for You. You laid Your hand on me, and I became eager for Your peace.” He is confident in his inner man. But he knows that inside him there is a daily struggle between the highest law of the spirit and another law that operates in his body. The whole life of a person on earth is what else but struggle? Every feeling is subject to sin. Every action is an opportunity for a possible fall. “Many and great,” he confesses, “are the illnesses of my soul; but Your healing is more than sufficient to heal them. And how would it be for Your Word to come to unite with man. “But Your Word became flesh and dwelt in us.” Here is the hope of enlightenment - ignorance, the hope of healing - illness. If not for her, there would be no way to escape from despair. Hence the rule of life, according to the apostolic word: “Christ died for all, so that those who live do not live for themselves, but for him who died for them and rose again” (2 Cor. 5:15). This is the primordial law of self-sacrifice, connecting the Almighty with His creatures - a law whose active outcome is duty, based on Divine love. In Augustine we see a living example of the transformation accomplished by Christianity in the individual. This is a story - in its broad outlines - the story of countless people. The highest ideal of ancient paganism was to live according to the desire of feelings without any embarrassment 2; to rest and bask by the fire of this life - just so as not to burn yourself - or - in the words of Cicero, and perhaps Socrates - to go through human life in such a way that, when the inevitable hour of death comes, you leave it, like a satisfied guest leaves a feast in which he participated. Aristotle, describing the image of a person with a great soul (μεγαλόψυχος), cites features of moral dignity, beyond which ancient philosophy did not rise. “Generosity,” he says, “is the crown of all virtues; a person of great soul is sensitive to honor, has a right to it, and enjoys it, but not excessively, not in excess; for he received only what he was worth, and perhaps less than his merit. He loves to give out favors, but he himself is ashamed to accept them, for this means belittling his honor in front of another. He is usually considered proud, and this is not surprising, for he cannot help but feel contempt for his neighbor. He is open both in hatred and in his love; and treats ordinary people with courtesy, for arrogance towards inferiors is a sign of bad upbringing. Let us turn from here to the Christian ideal, as outlined in the Sermon on the Mount: here is the exaltation of poverty, crying, meekness, hungering and thirsting for truth, mercy, peace - and purity - this distinctive Christian virtue. Christianity has transformed all human life, transforming the human ideal of life. And we can understand the greatness of this revolution when we compare Aristotle’s generous man with the man of holiness and humble heart according to the beatitudes. There human nature with its passions is exalted and deified; here the flesh is crucified with passions and lusts. The essence of Aristotle's speeches is enlightened self-love. And the essence of Christ’s teaching: “If anyone wants to follow Me, let him deny himself; “Whoever wants to save his soul will destroy it.” And this ideal of self-sacrifice, this asceticism - this teaching about the true freedom of the soul, which constitutes the essence of Christianity, resonated in the soul of Augustine and conquered him. And this idea of ​​self-sacrifice was a reasonable idea. It is not based on calculation, but at its core lies the idea that the significance of the human soul infinitely surpasses the entire material world (“what will a man give in exchange for his soul?”); at its basis lies the vanity and insignificance of everything that should be rejected. Everything base in human nature is denied, mortified, put to death, or, in the words of the Apostle Paul, submitted and given into captivity. And the life given into captivity is that ghostly life of bodily feelings, which Augustine depicts with these words: “What is the life of these people? To look, to argue, to eat, to drink, to copulate, to sleep, and to embrace with one’s thoughts only the ghosts collected from this life.” (Quorum vita est spectare, contendere, manducare, bibere, concumbere, dormire, et in cogitatione sua nihil aliud, quam phantasmata, quae de tali vita colliguntur, acceptare. De Vera Relig. Ch. 54). In his writings, one of the main thoughts is the impermanence and illusory nature of the visible images of things. Only the inner, the spiritual is eternal (Internum aeternum). The external world of phenomena is the world of ghosts. Truly real is the being of the spirit, existing in itself and eternal (Idipsum, according to Augustine). In itself it would be insignificant, but reality is communicated to it by the will of the One who alone can say about Himself: I am. He, this One, lives unapproachable in the light, but no one can see Him: Jesus Christ is the Mediator, the Intercessor, strengthening the whole person in the knowledge and communication of the Most High God - “the image of the invisible God”; the fulfillment of the extreme aspirations of religious feeling. The Eternal God, who became flesh of our flesh, bone of bones, blood of our blood, who experienced all sorrows in his sacred humanity: He is one with us in the holy sacrament of suffering, and can truly call us brothers. Christ is the living law, visible, personal; virtue embodied and with His beauty attracts all hearts to Himself. But the whole life of Christ was a long struggle with the world. He is the supreme example of renunciation from all the delights of the world - from objects of lust. God, who revealed himself to the world on the cross, in the unsearchable mystery of love and suffering, the God-man, who raised morality to the height of holiness: a concept unknown to the ancient world, in which the extreme height of morality did not extend beyond honesty (honestum). Augustine speaks about this in his short but precious work On True Religion. “The nations,” he writes, “sought their destruction for the rich, the rulers and providers of pleasure: He wanted to be poor. They pursued honors and power: He denied the kingdom... In the fulfillment of their pride, they were horrified by insults: He endured all kinds of insults. Persecution seemed unbearable to them: what persecution could be more lawless than the trial of the Innocent Righteous One? They turned away from bodily suffering: He suffered beatings and torture. They feared death: He suffered death. For them, the cross seemed like the most shameful execution: He was crucified on the cross. Everything for which life seems sweet to us, He left outside Himself and considered it vain. Every evil, avoiding which we betrayed the truth, He Himself endured and made it easier for us. And when we commit sin, we always either rush after what was disgusting to Him, or avoid what He endured and endured. So, His entire earthly life, in the human body, which He deigned to receive, was a mirror of moral discipline.” Such was the effect of Christianity on the individual. Without a doubt, a revolution so complete was the property of a few people, and not of the whole mass. But to a lesser extent, more or less, it affected all those who accepted the faith of Christ, whose lives flowed along the common low course of daily existence. To everyone this faith represented in Christ the perfect ideal of human existence. And the one who moved most away from this model, who was least consistent with this ideal, clearly realized that the most important, most significant thing in his life was that he was a citizen of the spiritual kingdom, the first law of which was conformity with the spirit of Christ the Savior. To the decaying and dead civilization of the Roman Empire, Christianity was, of course, represented as asceticism: the teaching of abstinence not only from positively sinful actions, but also from what was in itself considered permissible. That world, which the Apostle John commanded his disciples “not to love,” whose love is incompatible with God’s love, the world that “lies in evil,” a world that even today seems to be the complete opposite of the Church, is a real visible combination of things, which, according to the apostolic teaching, must pass away with all its charm. And this, at least, is certain. The transformation in the human soul was accomplished by the action of a new beginning: it was the beginning of self-denial, self-sacrifice. Society was transformed by the same spirit. Christianity originally addressed the individual human soul. His word appealed to every person, no matter what tribe, rank, gender, or social status. But at the same time, it also called for a social union. This is indicated by the very words: ekklesia, ekklektoi. The disciples of Christ were called from the world into the church union, and the Church was truly a society that had its own King, its own laws, its own judges and leaders. It would be extremely interesting to trace the consistent development of this society: how the hierarchical structure arose and branched out in it, covering the state hierarchy with its network, how the church organization grew along the lines of the secular organization, how the province was formed after the diocese, and, finally, the patriarch appeared in more or less correspondence with the prefecture; as the ruler of the Roman Church, little by little he takes the place of the pontifex Jupiter Capitolinus, the place of Flamen Dialis, who, according to Festus, was the high priest not so much of the city of Rome as of the whole world. In his Confession Blessed. Augustine described to us the revolution accomplished by Christianity in his soul, in the soul of an individual person. In another of his essays, “On the City of God,” he describes the effect of Christianity on the entire society. His sensitive ear heard the breath of the Spirit of the coming years, striving to merge with life, his discerning eye discerned images of new forms of life, which, slowly developing in modern society, were approaching to replace the old orders of the Roman world. And at the time he wrote, civilization was already becoming ecclesiastical. He could already outline, establish and define its main features. The year 410 was the year of a terrible event that struck the world with horror: Rome was taken and devastated by Alaric - this was a sign of the fall of Rome, and Rome meant the universe. This event inspired Augustine to write a majestic prose poem: “On the City of God.” Humanity was confused, and bitter cries arose throughout the Roman world that the terrible catastrophe that struck Rome was the work of a new faith, that Christianity had destroyed the eternal city. And Augustine undertook to justify the ways of God in the destinies of mankind. His “City of God” is the first systematic attempt to explain the close connection and mutual dependence of philosophy with history and theology. “Two communities (civitates),” he says, “exist in the human race: one is earthly, created by selfishness. leading to the rejection of God; the other is heavenly, created and nurtured by the love of God and leading to self-denial.” He sees the image and foundation of the first in Cain; the other is in Seth, but the beginning leads to a division between the angels “who did not keep their home” and their brothers who remained faithful to the Divine. He depicts the history of both cities, skillfully using the relatively meager material available at that time, since, of course, neither all the philosophical and theological systems of the East with its history, nor those newest discoveries in the natural sciences, which have so far expanded and changed our ideas about the material world, were unknown to him. He shows how the Roman Empire, by uniting peoples under one government and extending the same laws to them, prepared the way for a widespread Christian faith. Further, he establishes a difference in the purposes of the earthly city and the heavenly city. There, the basis is the teaching of the Greek sophist that man serves as the measure of all things, that the purpose of life lies in itself, and that the finite and temporary are the only subject of human aspirations. Here, the measure of all things is the ideal of Christ, and the goal is the desire for an eternal inheritance, incorruptible, immaculate - in heaven. Here on earth, both regions are connected together, for one is located next to the other. But the kingdom of earth must be abolished. But the foundation of the “City of God” is on the “holy mountain”: this is heavenly Jerusalem, a vision of the world above; Truth reigns in him, his law is love, his state is eternity. In him, and in him exclusively, is true freedom - the freedom of those whom Christ freed from sin. And the earthly region, ruled by the lust of power, is enslaved to lust, no matter how much it boasts of universal dominion. This is the general view of the fate of the world, expressed in this famous work: its great and unchanging dignity lies in its main idea, expressed in animated, enthusiastic speech: the spiritual nature of man is an area independent of worldly power. – Roman jurists (as well as the latest demagogues) decided that everything was in the realm of Caesarian. Augustine depicts a spiritual realm based on law above the jurisprudence of imperial Rome, honoring another supreme Lord above the emperor: this was a new concept, hitherto unknown to the world, and it was supposed to transform the entire social system, introducing into it the true concept of Christianity. A thousand years after the book “On the City of God” was written, we see that the first quality of a person is determined not by his tribe and nationality, but by religion, and social order is established on religion. Europe had a completely different idea of ​​religion before Christianity. True, religion was considered an important matter in the state, as a connection between national unity and social union. So in Plato, in his Republic, “the construction of churches, the organization of sacrifices and other rites in honor of the gods, and all the ceremonies established to propitiate the inhabitants of the invisible world - all these are the most important, the highest and most majestic objects of legislation.” So, religion in the ancient world was a matter of social order, a matter of a nation, not an individual, a matter of a tribe, not an individual: - a nation was formed from a tribe, and a tribe was essentially a branch of a family - a union of people united by actual or supposed consanguinity. The family, natural or artificial, and not the individual, constituted the unit of ancient society, and this is clearly expressed in the religious sphere of that time. So Cato (De re Rust. ch. 143) in an instruction to his steward writes: “You must know that the head of the family conducts worship for his entire family”: the personality of each family member was absorbed in him, both in the religious and in the civil sense. – But Christianity produced in the religious sphere the same thing that Roman jurisprudence produced in the civil sphere: the human personality moved out of the family and received special significance, the law of public interest gave way to the law of conscience. And in Christianity, the human personality has risen immeasurably because the immeasurable significance of the human soul has been revealed in it. Likewise, the family was transformed. The ancient world did not know the moral significance of a woman: that is why her position in society was humiliated; and where the moral value of a woman is low, moral principles decay in society. Horace attributes to this moral humiliation of women the corruption that permeated human life during the times of decline in Roman society. The Christian faith, preaching the spiritual equality of a woman with a man, thereby elevated her to her proper position: at the same time, having sanctified monogamous marriage in the sense of an indissoluble union, it established her dignity, and in the union of husband and wife it elevated to an ideal feeling that which in the ancient world was little elevated above the instinct of animal sensuality. The effect of this principle on public life, although indirect, was nevertheless powerful. The Church, with its teachings based on the moral freedom and moral responsibility of man, aroused in the peoples suppressed and humiliated by imperialism a new courageous spirit that liberated and refreshed human abilities; at the same time, having established its own institution, its elected authorities, its deliberative assemblies, the Church revived the spirit of popular self-government, which was completely crushed by Caesarism, and educated the barbarian tribes that entered its fold, revealing to them the beginnings and use of true freedom. When the subjects of the earthly city became subjects of the City of God, then the civil government took on new principles. Christian commonwealths grew into assemblies, assemblies coalesced into society, and so Christianity, without introducing any changes in the organization of government, little by little transformed the political system, making it a Church. It became firmly established in the consciousness that the society of Christians should be a Christian society, and the entire civil system gradually submitted to the action and leadership of the principles of faith. Everywhere the Cross of Christ is recognized as the mirror and measure of human life, and the outcome and goal of this life is heavenly life. Everywhere the thought of God, the Heavenly Father, and of His revelation in Him who did not please Himself, but humbled Himself to death and made the law of sacrifice the first law of His religion, prevailed. And this consciousness primarily distinguishes the first centuries of Christianity from the preceding era: it became the main source of strength, the main excitement of life and activity. They will say: but since then the Christian world has not ceased to present a gloomy picture of vices, atrocities, violence, ignorance. Yes, but even in the dark period of the Middle Ages - along with vices - there were many virtues that the ancient pagan world had no idea about. Christianity, preaching pity and meek behavior, exalting poverty and purity, revealed to humanity an ever-flowing source of benevolence, compassion, pure love, which fertilized the driest and most desolate places in the human race. Respect for women, care for children, the poor and infirm, serves as an indicator of moral dignity in the social system: Christianity in this regard stands inexpressibly higher than the entire previous organization of society. In the same spirit, politics, literature, and art are enlightened and improved. It is worth imagining the idea of ​​power in the ancient world: Caesarism, whether autocratic or democratic, was, one might say, the most brazen implementation of human egoism and violence: the Christian concept of power is inseparable from the concept of dependence on the command of God, of duty, of service. Property in the ancient world was a decisive, unconditional and cruel right, a state. based on the same egoism. According to the Christian idea, property is also, like power, the property of God, entrusted to man as a steward, combined with the obligation to share, help, and give alms. Everything great and lofty in the various manifestations of public and private life flows from the idea of ​​self-denial and sacrifice, which constitutes the central idea of ​​Christianity. And isn’t it a marvelous thing that all the rich and varied fruits of civilization in our civil life have their original beginning in a doctrine whose rule was contempt for the world! And the affirmation of the most sacred rights of human existence had its original beginning in a teaching that valued the material freedom of man so little that the slave was instructed to endure and not strive for freedom; in a doctrine that preached not about human rights, but about duty and sacrifice! This source of truth is the same now and will always be alive and active: therefore, all human deeds. and all the brilliant manifestations of the human mind and art, which do not come from him, or which bypass the teaching of Christ, are and will be works of vanity, not for the good of man. And we see from the destinies of mankind how the word of Christ is justified in them: “Whoever loses his soul for the sake of Me and the Gospel, he will save it.” We see and believe more strongly that He knew “what is in man” and that “His word abides forever.” Application. Book IX from the Confessions of St. Augustine O Lord, I am Thy servant and the son of Thy handmaid. Thou hast torn my bonds to pieces, and for this I will devour a sacrifice of praise to Thee. My heart and my tongue will praise You, and all my bones will say: Lord, who is like You? They recite, and may You answer me, and say to my soul: I am your salvation. Who am I and what am I like? What evil has never happened to me - in my deeds, not in deeds, sometimes in word, not in word, sometimes in my will! But You, Lord, are good and merciful, You, having seen into the depths of my mortality, with Your right hand removed from the depths of my heart the abyss of corruption. And this meant not wanting what I wanted, but wanting what You want. And where was at that time and from what secret depth was my free will suddenly called forth, so that I bowed my head under Your good yoke and laid Your light burden on my shoulders, O Christ Jesus, my Helper and Redeemer? How sweet it suddenly became for me to be without worldly sweets! And what I was afraid of losing, I rejected to my joy. You drove them away from me, true and perfect sweetness; He expelled and entered in their place Himself, and appeared - not only flesh and blood - sweeter than any sensual joy; brighter than all light and more hidden than any mystery, above all honor - but not for those who exalt themselves. And my spirit already became free from the acute worries of ambition and acquisition and shameful lustful desire, and the babbling of my heart, light and wealth, and my salvation turned to You, Lord my God. Before Your face, I decided to quietly and quietly leave my service and stop teaching rhetoric, so that the young men, thinking not about Your law and not about Your peace, but about the art of confusing the truth with lies, would not learn from my lips to wield weapons for their passionate purposes. By the way, there were already a few days left before the vacation, and I decided to endure these days in order to leave in the usual way and so that I, redeemed by You, would not return to my purchase. This decision was made before You, but only a few, close people, knew it. And it was agreed between us not to tell anyone about this; although to us, ascending from the vale of lamentation and chanting the song of degrees (kathisma 18), You have given sharp arrows and coals kindled against the flattering tongue (Ps. 119:3:4), that which by advising resists and by loving, as one loves food, devours. Thou hast wounded my heart with Thy love, pierced it deeply with Thy words; and the examples of Your servants, whom You enlightened from darkness with the radiance of light and raised from death to life, constantly dwelling in my soul, inflamed it, inspired it from heaviness and laziness, did not allow it to sink into low places - so that all the efforts of flattering tongues, without quenching my spirit, only inflamed it more. True, for the sake of Your Name, glorious throughout the entire universe, there would be people to praise my desire and intention, but it seemed that, not without vanity, without expecting an imminent vacancy, I would at once, in front of everyone, leave my official position, and many, looking at this, would think that I wanted to expose myself and exalt myself. And why would I do this so that people would begin to argue among themselves about my spiritual thoughts and blaspheme my good decision? Moreover, this summer, my lungs began to tire from literary work, breathing became difficult, I felt pain in my chest, and I was unable to speak loudly and clearly. At first, I was embarrassed by the thought that I would inevitably have to completely lay down the burden of teaching, or at least interrupt it, if there was any hope of improving my health. But as soon as the decision to abolish myself and understand that You are the Lord arose in me and became firmly established, I became pleased that I had this false excuse to satisfy the discontent of my parents, who for the sake of their children would not want to let me go free. So, with this feeling I could calmly endure the remaining time. There were twenty days left, but even this time seemed very difficult to me, because that passion for the work that helped me carry out the hard work had already dried up in me, and it would have suppressed me if patience had not helped. Other Thy servants from among my brethren could condemn me in sin because I, having already been filled with zeal for Thy service, allowed myself to remain in the pulpit of vain lies, even for one hour. And I'm not making excuses. But You, most merciful Lord, didn’t you forgive me this sin along with other terrible, disastrous sins when they were washed in the holy water of baptism? From this good decision of mine, Verekundius was greatly embarrassed: he himself was still bound by strong ties, so that he could not share my fate with me. He was not yet a Christian, although he had a faithful wife, and this itself served as the main obstacle for him to take the path that I followed: he wanted to be a Christian, but only on a condition on which this was impossible. However, he very willingly offered to live with him all the time on his rural estate. Reward him for that. Lord, for the resurrection of the righteous. It is true that he has already received a good lot from You: in my absence, when I was already in Rome, seriously ill, he joined the faithful, receiving Holy Baptism, and with that he departed from this life. Thus You showed mercy not only to him, but also to me: what an unbearable grief it would be when, remembering my friend and all his love for me, I cried that he was outside of Your flock. Thanks be to Thee, O Lord our God, we are Thine, and Thy voices and consolations testify to us of this. Thou art faithful, O One who promised, reward Verecundius for the Cassitian shelter, where I found in Thee rest from the noise of the world, reward him with the bliss of Thy ever-blooming paradise: Thou hast forgiven him his sins here on earth, on the strewn mountain, on Thy fat mountain! So, Verecundius was embarrassed; but Nebridius rejoiced with me. Although he was not yet a Christian, and even fell into the ditch of destructive delusion, considering the carnal nature of Your Son to be a ghost, he finally got out to freedom and sought the truth with all the fervor of his soul - not yet being enlightened by the sacraments of Your Church. Soon after my conversion and rebirth in Holy Baptism, he also became a faithful son of the Catholic Church and served you in perfect purity and abstinence in Africa with his entire household, converting his entire family to Christianity: You, Lord, have already resolved him from the flesh, and now he is alive in the bosom of Abraham, Nebridius, my dear friend, your adopted son, a former freedman from slavery. Such a soul is probably there - where should it be? And how many times did he interrogate me, an ignorant person, about what would happen there? He no longer reaches out with his hearing to my lips, but with his spiritual hearing he reaches out to Your source, and drinks wisdom from it as much as he can, according to the measure of his great thirst. And no matter how great his hope, I think that he does not forget me, when You, Lord, yourself, the living source of that water, do not forget me. So, I consoled the sad Verecundius: without changing his friendship for me, he could not be indifferent to my conversion, and I convinced him to renew his state by faith, that is, his marriage. And about Nebridia, I was waiting for him to follow me - it seemed that he was already close, and he was completely ready. So, finally, all these days passed - it seemed so long, from the desire to quickly reach happy freedom, when it would be possible to sing with all my soul: “My heart says to you: I will seek the Lord - I will seek my face for You, I will seek Your face, O Lord” (Ps. 26). Finally, the day came when I actually renounced rhetorical lectures - I had long ago renounced them in spirit. It is finished: You have loosed my tongue, just as You have already loosed my heart, and I blessed Your name, rejoicing, moving to the village with all my people. What I did there can be seen from the books where my conversations with my relatives are written - and with You, Lord, it is also clear from the correspondence with the absent Nebridius - it is clear that I dedicated them to serving You, although there is still a trace of learned pride in them, just as after a fast run a person will not soon catch his breath when standing still. I don’t have enough time to remember all Your great benefits to me at this time, and I hasten to move on to something else, more important. It lies in my memory, Lord, and it is sweet for me to confess before You, with what sharp arrows You tamed my heart, how You created right paths in it, humbled the mountains and valleys of my thoughts, guiding my obstinate and sharp turns into smooth paths; like Alypius himself, my beloved brother. You have conquered the Name of our only begotten Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, whereas before and in my letters he did not tolerate this Name. He wanted my writings to be permeated with the smell of those proud cedars of academic teaching that You destroyed, and not with the smell of the healing herbs of the Gospel, which drives away serpents. How strongly I cried out to You, my God, reading the psalms of David, songs filled with faith, pious words that drive away confusion of spirit; not yet established in pure love, still a catechumen, celebrating in the village together with the catechumen Alypius: my mother was with us, a wife of courageous faith, senile firmness, in the fullness of maternal love and Christian piety. I cried out to You in psalms, my soul burning, and I tried to sing them, if it were possible, to the whole earth, in rebuff of pride to the entire human race. And they are sung throughout the whole earth, and there is not a single one who can hide from Your burning rays. With what sorrow, with what indignation I thought about the Manichaeans, how I lamented for them that they do not know these mysteries, this spiritual healing and madly reject the antidote that would heal them. I would like them to be present here, invisible to me, and to see my face when, in my freedom, I read the fourth psalm - what was happening in my soul! “The God of my righteousness will always call upon me and hear me. You have spread me out in sorrow, be gracious to me and hear my prayer.” They would hear, and I wouldn’t know what to hear, lest it would seem to them that I was saying for them what these words inspired in me. And I would not have said it, or would have said it wrongly, if I had known that they saw and heard me; and I spoke as if to myself and for myself before You from the depths of my shocked soul. I am overwhelmed with fear and at the same time filled with hope and rapturous joy, my heavenly Father, for the sake of Thy mercy. And what I felt came from my soul with tears and sighs, when I heard Your good Spirit speaking to us the word: Sons of humanity, how long are the heaviness of hearts? How long do you love vanity and seek lies? - And I loved vanity, and I sought lies. But You, Lord, have already glorified Your Holy One, raising Him from the dead, so that He may sit at Your right hand and send from above, according to His promise, the Comforter of the Spirit of truth. And he already sent Him, but I didn’t know it. He sent Him because He was already glorified, rose from the dead and ascended into heaven; The Spirit had not been sent before, for Jesus had never been glorified. This is why the prophet cries out: “How long will the hardness of heart last? How long do you love vanity and seek lies? And lead away, as if the Lord surprised His venerable one.” How long, glogolet, and take him away. And I, without knowing it, had loved vanity and sought lies for so long, and I trembled when I heard these words spoken to such people as I was like. There was vanity and lies in those dreams that I accepted as truth. I was sick with heavy and bitter words, remembering all this, and if those who still love vanity and seek lies had heard them, they would have been embarrassed, and perhaps they would have spewed out their poison - and You would have heard them when they cried out to You, for He Who is the Intercessor for us before Your mercy, died for us the true death of the flesh. I also read: “Be angry and do not sin” - and how these words resonated within me, my God - for I have already learned to be angry at my past, so that I may stop sinning. And I was righteously angry with myself, because it was my nature that sinned, and not an alien dark nature, as people say who are not angry with themselves, but gather wrath upon themselves on the day of wrath and revelation of Your righteous judgments. At this time, my blessings were no longer external blessings, and I did not look for them under the local sun with carnal eyes. Those who seek their joys in external things are easily deceived and scattered in the visible and temporary, chasing ghosts with greedy thoughts. Oh, when would they finally tire of this thirst and say: “Who will show us good?” And they would hear from us: the light of Your face is upon us, O Lord. It is not in us that there is light that enlightens every person, but through You we are enlightened, having once been children of darkness, may we be in Your light. Oh, if only they could feel that inner eternal good that I began to feel and taste - but I could not show it to them when they turned their hearts to me, devoted to external things, and their eyes, directed far from You, could not even answer the question: who will show us good? And where, secluded in myself, I indulged in this anger, and was tormented by my conscience, where I sacrificed the old man to You, and in trusting in You I mentally laid the beginning of my renewal - there You began to delight me and sent joy to my heart. I read, and the words, echoing inside my soul, came out as sighs, and I no longer wanted to increase my earthly blessings, but, absorbing time, I myself was consumed by time, in the simplicity of eternity, tasting new wheat and wine and new oil. In the next verse he cried out from the depths of his heart: In peace - in peace together I will sleep and rest. Who will oppose us when the written word is fulfilled: “Death was by the belly”? You, God, are our peace, You, in Him there is no change, and in You there is peace with the oblivion of all evils and labors, and there is no one equal to You, and there is not a single gain in the multitude of things where You are not; But You, Lord, “have given me only hope.” - So I read with grief in spirit, and did not find how to touch the deaf and dead people, among whom I myself was the most poisonous, perky screamer, blind in the honey-drenched heavenly scriptures, shining with Your light; - I read, lamenting the enemies of the Divine Scripture. How can I remember these days of my festive freedom! I will not forget them and will not keep silent about how severe Your punishment was, and how wonderfully Your mercy hastened towards me! You tormented me with toothache, and when it intensified to the point that I could not speak, it occurred to me to ask all my neighbors who were here to pray for me to You, the God of all salvation. I wrote these words on a tablet and gave them to read, and as soon as we fell on our knees in tender prayer, the pain subsided. What kind of pain is this? And how did she disappear? I confess that fear attacked me, my Lord God: I have not experienced anything like this since childhood. Then in the depths of my soul Your ways were illuminated, and rejoicing in faith I praised Your Name. But faith has not yet brought me peace about my past sins, until I received remission of them in Thy baptism. When the vacations were over, I informed the Milanese to look for another merchant of speeches; I had already decided to give myself to Your service, and, moreover, the pain in my chest, making it difficult to breathe, did not allow me to continue my previous occupation. Here I confessed in a letter to Your High Hierarch, Saint Ambrose, my previous errors and my present vow, and asked him for instructions on what I should first of all read from Your books in order to prepare worthily to receive such grace. He pointed to Isaiah the prophet; I think because he more clearly foreshadowed the Gospel and the calling of tongues before all the prophets. But finding it difficult to understand it at the first reading and thinking that it was just as difficult to the end, I postponed this reading until I became more skilled in the words of the Lord. When the time came to give me a name, we, leaving the village, returned to Mediolan: Alypius also wished to be reborn with me in You. He was already filled with humility in accordance with Your sacraments, and so thoroughly exhausted his flesh that he decided to walk on the frozen ground barefoot in the cold. We also added to ourselves the youth Adeodatus, the native son of my sinful flesh. You, Lord, made him good. He was fifteen years old, and his intelligence was superior to many important and learned people. I confess Your gifts before You, O Lord my God, Creator of all, powerful to change everything that is evil in us: there was nothing evil of mine in this boy, except my sin. If I raised him in Your fear, then it was Your suggestion, and no one else’s - so, I confess Your gifts to You. There is a book I wrote called: Teacher; it describes my conversations with him: there are all the speeches attributed to my interlocutor - his speeches when he was sixteen years old. I saw many wonderful things in this young man: his great mind frightened me: who, Lord, can do such miracles? You soon took him from this life, and now I remember him in the world, not fearing for his adolescence, nor for his youth, or for anything else in his human life. We united him with ourselves in Thy grace, in order to raise him in Thy fear, we were all baptized together, and all concern about our past life disappeared in us. During these wonderful days I enjoyed immensely, thinking about the depth and greatness of Your destinies for the salvation of the human race. How many tears did I then shed in Thy Church from ardent emotion, hearing the sweet sounds of Thy hymns and chants! These sounds poured into my ears and with them Your truth poured into my heart, and a reverent feeling flared up in me, tears flowed - and I felt so good. Not long ago, the custom arose in the Mediolan Church to glorify God by the common singing of the faithful, uniting voices and hearts for the glory of God, for consolation and elevation of the spirit. This happened a year before, or a little more than a year, when Justina, the mother of the young king Valentinian, began to persecute Your servant Ambrose, abandoning herself to the heresy into which she was carried away by the Arians. The pious people spent entire nights in church, preparing to die with their bishop, Your servant. Among the first, my mother, Thy servant, was there, in labors and vigils, in unceasing prayer. And we, although still cold, not yet burning with Your Spirit, were nevertheless excited by the confusion that spread throughout the whole city. And so, so that people would not weaken from sorrow and despondency, it was instituted, according to Eastern custom, to sing psalms and hymns: from that time until now this custom has been maintained, spreading throughout almost all Your church communities, and in other parts of the world. At this time You revealed to Your mentioned saint in a night vision where the bodies of the martyrs Gervasius and Progasius are kept, which for so many years remained incorruptible, hidden in Your secret: it was necessary to open them in good time, so that the rage of the women - and also the Empress's wives - would be quenched. When they opened them and, having lifted them up, carried them with worthy honor to the Basilica of St. Ambrose, miracles appeared: not only were those tormented by unclean spirits healed, with the confession of the demons themselves, but one of the citizens, known to the whole city and deprived of sight for a long time, hearing the noise and rejoicing of the people and learning the reason for this, immediately stood up and demanded of his guide to lead him; and having arrived at the place, he asked to be allowed to touch the deathbed of Thy saints with a towel. And as soon as he touched it and wiped his eyes with that towel, they opened. This glory spread everywhere, the praise of Your holy Name rushed everywhere, and although our hater could not yet bring us to the knowledge of the true faith, the fury of persecution was quenched in her. Thanks to You, my God, You were chosen to bring this great deed into memory for me, and to confess before You, which I forgot to remember before. However, even in this case, although the stench of Your fragrance hovered over me, I still did not strive for You. And the tears came to me all the more powerfully when, in the midst of Your hymns and songs, I thought about how long ago I had sighed for You, and barely began to feel Your breath, as if through the straw covers of a poor hut. O Lord, you bring like-minded people into homes; you also brought to us the young man Evodius, our fellow countryman. Being in the royal service, before me he turned to You and was baptized, and leaving the regiment of worldly affairs, he joined Your army. We decided to live together, we made a sacred decision together. We began to look for a place that would be more useful to us for Your service and decided to go to Africa, but when we arrived in Ostia, at the mouth of the Tiber, my mother died there. I go through a lot in silence, shortening my speech. But even in my silence, accept, O my God, my confession and thanksgiving for Thy countless gifts. But I cannot remain silent about what my soul gives birth to about Your servant, who gave birth to me - in the flesh for temporary life, and in the spirit for eternal light. I will not praise her talents, but Your gifts are in her, and she did not create herself or educate herself. You are her Creator, and neither father nor mother knew what would happen from them. She was brought up in Thy fear by the punishment and teaching of Thy Christ, the rule of Thy only begotten Son, in a faithful home, in the good inheritance of Thy holy Church. And she, talking about herself, did not so much praise the teaching care of her mother as the care of the old servant, who carried her little father in her arms when she was still a young girl. For this diligence and for her old age and virtue, her masters in the Christian house respected and honored her, and she was entrusted with the care of their daughters. She raised them carefully, when necessary, with all the severity of sacred duty, wisely instructing them in everything. So, restraining them from bad habits, she did not let them drink water, no matter how much they asked, except for the time when they drank and ate at the table with their parents, repeating such reasonable speeches: “Now you drink water, because you have no wine, and when you get married and you have pantries and cellars at hand, perhaps water will get boring, and the habit of drinking will overcome you.” Thus, with reasonable instruction and authoritative speech, she curbed the whims of a young age, moderating even simple thirst in young girls, so that later they would not have the desire to do what they should not do. And with all this, Your servant, my mother, told me, she also had a desire to try the wine. When, as usual, her parents sent her to the cellar to get some wine, she scooped it up with a ladle and tried to taste a little of the wine before pouring it into the vessel, but at first she felt disgusted. And she did this not out of taste for wine, but out of the liveliness characteristic of young age and out of pranks, for which elders usually scold younger ones. But if you give yourself free rein in small things, you will imperceptibly fall into great sins: so she, adding a little of her sample every day, little by little acquired such a habit of wine that she began to greedily drink almost full cups of it. – Where was the caring old woman with her strict prohibitions in that hole? And what could then overcome this lurking illness, if not for You, Lord, the doctor of ailments, if not for Your good Providence over us? Father and mother did not know, teachers did not know, but You knew, having created us and called us, You, by Your Providence, send special people to save our souls. And what then did You create? What did he provide, what medicine did he send? Was it not You who evoked from a stranger a stern and stinging reproach, which, as if by cauterizing a red-hot iron, by Your secret Providence, immediately healed this rotten ulcer? One day, a simple servant who accompanied her to the cellar, being left alone with the young mistress and entering into an argument with her according to the custom of servants, began to curse her with unbearable impudence for her bad habit and called her a drunkard. This word seemed to sting her and shocked her to the point that she immediately saw the vileness of her vice, and, horrified, got rid of it. This is how friends corrupt us with obsequious flattery, and enemies often correct us with their abuse. And You do not direct them towards good, but turn their evil intention into good. And this servant did not think of doing good to her young mistress, but only out of anger she wanted to prick her, and she did it in secret, as if she had deliberately chosen the place and time for the fight; otherwise, the gentlemen would have punished her for not telling them earlier. You, Lord, hold the earthly and the heavenly in Your hand, You direct the streams of the abyss and the rebellious river of time, and even those who want Your commands, You turned the illness of one soul to heal the illness of another, so that no one will boast of his strength when the one whom he wanted to correct was corrected by his word. Brought up in purity and modesty, You brought her into obedience to her parents, before they brought her into obedience to Your will. When she came of age and was given in marriage, she began to serve her husband as a ruler and tried in every possible way to bring him to You, preaching You to her husband with your morals, with which You adorned her, and he marveled at her and honored and loved her. She meekly endured his marital infidelities, so that she never turned to her husband with reproaches, for she trusted in You, from Your mercy she hoped that he would come to purity by believing in You. He was a kind-hearted man, but hot-tempered and quick-tempered; but she knew how not to object to him in anger, not only in action, but also in word. But when he came to his senses and calmed down, then, choosing a convenient moment, she made him understand his guilt if he was angry unreasonably. Many of the wives I knew, whose husbands were of a quiet disposition in comparison with the disposition of my father, even had traces of beatings visible on their faces; and it happened that in friendly conversations they complained about their husbands, referring to the disorder of their lives; but my mother playfully objected to them: complain about your language, and reasonably explained to them that from the moment the marriage letter was read to them, they should consider it as an act by which they were given into the power of their husbands, and should always remember that they should not rise up against the ruler. And when they, knowing the hot temper of my father, were surprised how they had never heard or seen a patrician hit his wife or that they quarreled even for one day in their home life - and asked Noah what the reason was for this, she taught them to follow her usual rule. And those who listened to her were pleased and grateful; and those who did not listen continued to suffer violence. At first, her mother-in-law was irritated against her, due to the slander of an unkind servant, but she overcame this dislike with respect, patience and meekness so much that the mother-in-law herself told her son about the evil slander of the maids that was disturbing her peace with her daughter-in-law, and asked to punish them. And when the father, to please the mother, for the sake of order in the house and to maintain peace between the family, severely punished the guilty, she threatened the same punishment to everyone who would dare, thinking of pleasing her, to spread evil rumors about his daughter-in-law. After that, all chatter ceased, and both of them lived with each other in love and peace. And You, my God, my mercy, who created me in the depths of her, gave her the great gift of peace: wherever she met dissenting and warring souls, she tried in every possible way to establish peace between them; and when she heard what bitter speeches one said about the other, inspired by vague enmity, what was said in the presence of a friend about an absent enemy, out of hatred for him, she never conveyed such speeches, but tried to instill only what could contribute to reconciliation. And I would not attach much importance to this if I had not experienced through bitter experience among countless people how this terrible infection of sin has spread everywhere, that people not only tell an irritated enemy what the same enemy said about him, but also add what was not said. On the contrary, according to human feeling, one should not arouse or increase enmity between people with slander, but extinguish it with kind speeches to both. Such was my mother, secretly taught by You in the innermost depths of her soul. Finally, she acquired her husband for You in the last time of his earthly life, and she no longer had to mourn in a faithful husband what she endured when he was still unfaithful. She was a servant of Your servants: all of them, who knew her, all glorified You in her, honored You, and loved You, and looking at her holy life, they felt Your presence in her heart. She was the wife of one husband; She repaid the debt of love and care to her parents, maintained her home in piety, and justified her goodness with good deeds. She raised her sons with care, grieving for them as if in the throes of birth every time she saw that they were deviating from Your ways. Finally, when all of us, by Thy mercy, O Lord, bearing the name of Thy servants, united in Thee before her death, lived in the grace of Thy baptism, she cared for us as much as if she had given birth to us all; She served us so humbly, as if she had taken her life from us. The day was approaching on which she had to leave her life here: we did not know this day, but You knew it. It happened at this time, and I believe that it happened according to Your Providence, through Your secret ways, that both of us - I and she - stood leaning on the window that looked out into the garden of our house: it was at Ostia Tiber. We retired here to rest from the crowd, tired from the long journey, and from here we prepared to board the ship. Here, alone together, it was sweet for us to talk to each other. Forgetting about the past, rushing forward with all our souls, we asked You, the existing Truth among us, what the future eternal life of the saints should be like, which the eye has not seen, the ear has not heard and has not entered the heart of man. And with all the hearing of our hearts we leaned towards the original streams of Your source, the source of life that exists with You; They wanted to draw as much as they could from it, in order to think a little about such a height. The word finally led us to the conclusion that the greatest pleasure of the bodily senses, no matter what its physical splendor, not only cannot be compared with the bliss of the future life, but it is also unworthy to be remembered next to it. Then, inflamed with love for this life, we walked with sublime thought through the series of everything worldly, and the very sky, from where the sun, moon and stars shine on the earth. And they ascended even further, deepening in thought and word and reverence, to Your works, they reached their soul, and they crossed it to reach the land of inexhaustible abundance, where You feed Israel in a green place with truth into eternal life, where the beginning of life is Wisdom, who created everything that was and is and will be, Uncreated Wisdom, - it was as it is now and ever and to the ages. centuries; and how to say that it was or will be: it only exists because it is eternal: the past and the future are not eternal; Thus, talking about eternal life and rushing towards it, we seemed to feel it with a warm movement of the heart, and sighed about it, united with it with the first fruits of the spirit, and the thought turned to the lips, where the word begins and ends. But what does our word mean in comparison with Your Word, our Lord, who abides in Himself without exhaustion and renews everything? So, we said. That when all the bodily turmoil in the soul would be silent, all the images of the earth and water and air would disappear, all the heavenly beauty would be numb, and the soul itself would fall silent in itself and become abolished from every thought about itself, and every word and sign and everything that passes would fall silent: - all of this would be heard by someone who can hear: “We do not come from ourselves, but God who exists forever created us.” And so telling us, when all this would fall silent, raising our ears to the Creator, and then He would speak to us as One, not through them, but by Himself, and we would hear His word not with the tongue of the flesh, and not with an angelic voice, and not with thunder in heaven, and not with parables and fortune-telling, but with Him, Whom we love in all this, without all that we would hear! So, stretching into the distance, inspired by thought, we strived for the eternal Wisdom, above all that exists. And when this contemplation could continue, all other various kinds of visions would be abolished - and this alone would delight the whole soul, filling it to the depths with inexpressible joy - wouldn’t eternal life be like this sensation that we experienced at that moment? And doesn’t this mean: Enter into the joy of Your Lord. And when will this be? Is it not when we all rise, but not all of us change? That's how we spoke to each other, if not in the same words. But You know, Lord, that on this day, while our conversation was going on, the world with all its joys seemed insignificant to us. Then she told me: “My son, as far as I am concerned, there is no longer any joy for me in this life. And I no longer know what else I should do here and why I should stay; All the hopes of this century have already ended for me. There was one thing for which I still wanted to live longer - to wait, as long as I was alive, to see you as a Christian, in the Catholic Church. And God sent me even more joy - I see you as a faithful servant of God. careless about earthly happiness. What can I do here?” I don’t remember what I answered to her. But about five days after that she fell ill with a fever, and, having become ill, became so weak that she lost consciousness for some time. We ran to her, but she soon came to her senses, and when she saw me and my brother near the bed, she said, as if in oblivion: “Where have I been?” Then, looking at us, stricken with grief: “Bury your mother here.” I paused, holding back my tears. The brother began to say something about how it would be better to put it in his homeland, and not in a foreign place. Hearing this, she looked at him sternly, as if reproaching him for such thoughts, and then, looking at me, she said: “Do you hear what he says,” and then, turning to both: “Put my body where you want - why bother about it. I only ask you one thing: wherever you are, remember me at the throne of the Lord.” So, having told us her wish as best she could, she became silent, and it was clear that she was languishing in a serious illness. And I, invisible God, thought about what gracious gifts You send into the hearts of Your faithful, and what wondrous fruits they bear, I was comforted and thanked You, remembering how she always took care of her grave, which she chose and prepared for herself near her husband. While we live, it is difficult for our spirit to renounce earthly things: and she. Living in great heartfelt harmony with her husband, she thought to apply this to earthly participation, that in everyone’s mind, returning from a sea voyage, she would lie down with her husband and the earth would cover the ashes of both spouses together. I didn’t know when this vain thought disappeared from her heart, and this discovery seemed wonderful to me at such a moment; although from the words that she said to me, sitting with me at the window - “I have nothing left to do here” - there was no visible desire to die in my homeland. Later I knew that when we were already in Ostia, she saw some of my friends, in my absence, and trustingly, like a mother, she told them how insignificant life here is and how sweet it is to die; and when they marveled at the woman’s strength of spirit that You gave her, Lord, and began to ask if she was not afraid to die and lie in the ground so far from her native place, she answered: “I am nowhere far from God, and there is nothing to fear that He will not recognize my body at the end of the age, on the day of resurrection.” And so this believing and pious soul was released from the body on the ninth day of her illness, in the fifty-seventh year of her age and in the thirty-third year of my age. I closed her eyes; unspeakable grief flooded my heart, and tears flowed from my eyes; but with a strong effort of will I forbade tears, and from this struggle with myself it became extremely difficult for me. When she gave up the ghost, the youth Adeodate began to sob with a loud cry, but we all stopped him, and he died down. A similar thing happened in my heart - youth still resonated in it with a childish feeling, and it asked to pour out in tears - but it was restrained by force and subsided. It seemed unworthy to us to accompany this burial with bitter cries and sobs; This is how death is usually mourned - as a great disaster, as the complete destruction of a being. And for our deceased, death was not a disaster, but an outcome to life. Her moral purity and her unfeigned faith undoubtedly and reasonably convinced us of this. However, there was a grave pain inside me from my fresh wound, from the fact that it was so familiar, so dear and sweet for us to live together, and suddenly it was all over! It was gratifying for me to remember how in this last illness of hers, consoled by my care for her, she called me a kind, loving son, and spoke with such love that she never heard a bitter word from me or a harsh sound in my voice. But my God, who created us, how can the honor that I gave her compare with her ardent care for me? So, having lost such great consolation, my soul suffered as if wounded, and the life that was inseparable from me seemed torn. When my son stopped crying, Evodius took the Psalter and began to sing a psalm, and we answered him with the whole house; “I will sing to You of mercy and judgment, O Lord.” Hearing about what had happened among us, many Christian brothers and pious women came to us; the merciful burial women began to prepare for the funeral, and I retired to another room, where acquaintances had gathered, who did not want to leave me alone. I began to talk to them about the deceased, and with this outpouring of my soul I calmed my bitter sorrow, known to You, Lord. And they, not knowing what was happening inside me, listened to me attentively and were amazed at my insensibility. But aloud to You alone - inaudible to any of them, I reproached myself for the weakness of my feelings and held back the flow of my sorrow; and it seemed to calm down, but then rushed even stronger. I did not allow myself to cry and there was no change in my face, but I felt how hard this violence was on my heart. It hurt me that death, the lot of humanity, inevitable in the order of being, our common fate, had such a strong effect on me; and with this grief of consciousness I further intensified the sadness of my loss. They carried the body into the church: I entered without crying and left without crying. I didn’t cry during prayer, when the sacrifice of our atonement was offered for her, and after that, when they took out the body and laid it at the grave, during those prayers, I didn’t cry either. But all day long I was secretly tormented by grief, and in great confusion I prayed to You to heal my sorrow; but You did not wish, Lord, I believe, in order to teach me how subject to habit is that soul that has renounced earthly vanity. I wondered if a bathhouse would help, having heard that a bathhouse eases mental anxiety, which is where the Greeks got its name from the word βαλανεῖον. And I confess this before You, Father of the orphans, that I came out the same as I entered, and the water did not wash away my bitter sadness. Then I fell asleep and woke up feeling relief from my pain. Here, in solitude, on my bed, the right verse of Your servant Ambrose came to my memory: “God, Creator of all, ruler of heaven, You clothe the day with radiant light, At night you send blessed sleep to Your creatures. Will return sleep to tired members Fortress for daily work, It will lift a tired thought into freshness, But little by little I returned to my former feeling and began to think about Your servant, how pious and prayerful she was, how tender and caring she was towards me, and how I suddenly lost her - and it became sweet for me to cry in front of Your face about her and for her, and about myself too, for my own sake. Here I gave full free rein to my tears, which I had previously held back, lightening my heart with them, and it pacified in tears, because they flowed in front of Your face, and not in the sight of people who would arrogantly condemn my sobbing. And all this, Lord, I now confess to You in writing. Let whoever wants, read, and judge as he wants. And if it be a sin for me that for a short time I cried for a mother who died before my eyes, a mother who mourned me for so many years so that I might come to life before Your eyes, Lord, let him not mock me, but if there is love in him, let him weep for my sins before You, before the Father of all the brothers of Your Christ. Now my heart has already been healed from this wound, with which the sense of flesh and blood suffered in me, and now I shed other tears before You, my God, for Your departed servant, troubled in spirit when I think about the fear to which every dying soul in Adam is subject. True, she was reborn in Christ, and although she had not yet renounced the flesh, she led such a life that Your name was glorified in her faith and deeds; however, I do not dare say that after she was reborn in baptism, not a single word came out of her mouth contrary to Your Law. It was said by the eternal Truth, Your Son: “Whoever says to his brother: You are a freak, he is guilty of fiery hell.” And woe to the most praiseworthy human life if there is no mercy for it in judgment. But we know that You do not experience sin strictly and severely, and therefore we truly hope that we will find mercy from You. And counting human virtues before You is not the same as counting Your gifts? Oh, that a man would judge himself as a man, and whoever boasts would boast in the Lord! So, my praise and my life, God of my heart, having abandoned her good deeds, for which, rejoicing, I give praise to You, now I pray to You for the sins of my mother! Hear me in Christ, the healer of our ulcers: He, who hung on the cross, is now at Your right hand, interceding for us. I know that she, guided by mercy, with all her heart forgave the sins of her debtors; and You forgive her the debts that she could have incurred in all the years after her saving baptism. Let me go, Lord, let me go, I pray, and do not enter into judgment with Your servant. Let mercy glory in judgment, for Thy word is true, and Thou hast promised mercy to the merciful. If someone was merciful, he received it from You, You, being merciful to him, made him so, You will have mercy on whomever You will. And I already believe, Lord, that You have created what I pray for, but now accept the free sacrifice of prayer offered for it. She, feeling the approach of her death, did not think about a magnificent burial of the body, or about embalming it, did not want a monument for the grave, or even a grave in her native cemetery: she did not command us anything like that - she only asked for one thing - that she be remembered before the altar, at which she always prayed, without missing a day. She knew that a holy sacrifice was being offered on it, and by that sacrifice the handwriting condemning us, in which our sins were written, was abolished, and the enemy slanderer was put to shame, finding nothing in Him in whom we conquer the enemy. Who will reward him with innocent blood, who will return the price of redemption? And to this sacrament of our redemption, Your departed servant tied her soul with the bonds of faith. Let no one reject her from Your intercession. Neither lion nor serpent will stand in the way, neither strength nor wickedness will prevail. If she had not brought herself to trial, the evil enemy would have convicted her of sin: her answer is ready that her sins have been forgiven by Him to whom no one can repay for what He freely gave to us in vain. May she rest in peace with her husband, besides whom she has never known a single husband before or since, whom she served with patience and brought You the fruit of grace, bringing him to You. And inspire, my Lord and my God, inspire Your servants, my brethren, and Your sons, my lords, whom I serve with tongue and heart and writing, so that everyone who reads my story will all remember before Your altar Your servant Monica, with her Patrician husband, whose flesh You brought me into this life - in what ways, I don’t know. May they remember with love the parents who were me in the passing day of this life, my brothers - of whom You are the father with me, and the mother is the Catholic Church, my fellow citizens in eternal Jerusalem, where the journey of Your people desires and ends from the departure to the completion. So, what she asked of me at the last hour, may it be fulfilled for her not only by my prayers and my confession, but purely and abundantly, by the prayers of many. The question about the teachings of Christ is answered by three sources, more or less close to the time of His earthly life. This is, firstly, the Church, then the Gospels, and finally, the Epistles - not all three agree in testifying to His teaching. The Church, in the person of Justin Martyr, Irenaeus, Tertullian, Hippolytus, partly Origen or Clement of Alexandria, tells us the concept of the teaching of Christ, accepted among His followers around 200 AD - the Gospels, even from the point of view of negative criticism, tell us the concept accepted in the period between 150 and 100 years. – And the letters of St. Paul to Thessalonians, Galatians, Romans and Corinthians, the first letter of Peter, the letter of James and the Apocalypse - writings of undoubted authenticity, take us in the next generation to the time of the death of Christ, to the 60th year. The same can be said about the Book of Acts, since it coincides with the century of St. Pavel. There is no doubt that not only the sayings (λόγια), but also the most important events of the Divine life of the Savior, at the earliest times were clothed in the solid form of verbal traditions or Catecheses, with which our Gospels are closely connected. We have the undoubted writings of Paul, the Apocalypse, 1 Peter, the letter of James. From them, and even only from the last two, a teaching is easily extracted that is completely consistent with the Gospel. Paul was not, of course, a direct witness of Christ, and we must not forget that his theological learning was of the Jewish school, but his teaching, although it bears traces of learned subtlety, is in essence the true teaching of Christ. Thus, in these writings the Gospel of Christ is communicated to us at a distance of not a hundred or one and a half hundred, but twenty years from the events that it tells about. Recent criticism ignores this important consideration. From this point of view, all four Gospels receive full authenticity and power for us; their incomparable freshness and completeness serves as strong proof that what we have here is not just tradition passing from mouth to mouth, but the very words of the Lord Christ, conveyed through the lips of His first disciples. Humanity seems to be striving to return to this ideal, according to the teachings of the latest popular theories of material philosophy. Ave. ed.