Слово 10. Защитительное, по возвращении св. Григория Богослова из уединения, сказанное им отцу своему и Василию Великому

1. There is nothing stronger than old age and more respected than friendship. They brought me to you - a prisoner in Christ, bound not with iron chains, but with the insoluble bonds of the Spirit. Until now, I considered myself strong and invincible and (what foolishness!) I did not devote my words even to these friends and brothers, but, leaving everything to anyone I wanted, I wanted to live in peace, to philosophize in silence, talking with myself and with the Spirit. In his mind he imagined Carmel Elijah, the desert of John and the worldly life of the wise, like Elijah and John; he likened the present to a storm and looked for some rock, or cliff, or wall where to hide. I reasoned with myself: let there be honors and labors for others, for others - battles and distinctions for victories, but for me, who avoids battles and goes deep into myself, it is enough to live as best I can, as if sailing a small sea on a light ship and, through the poverty of this life, acquire for myself a small abode in the future life. Perhaps more base, but for that reason the thought shows more caution - to equally move away from both heights and falls. 2. So I thought while it was still possible to write shadows and sleepy dreams and feed the mind with empty fictions. What now? Friendship overcame me, my father’s gray hair conquered me - the old age of wisdom, the limit of life, the safest refuge, and the friendship of one who himself grows rich for God and enriches others. I am already putting aside anger, so that the meek may hear and rejoice (Ps. 33:3)! I calmly look at the hand that has done me violence, and with a joyful gaze I turn to the Spirit; my heart is not troubled, my reason returns; friendship, like a flame that has been extinguished and extinguished, comes to life again and ignites from a small spark. My soul refuses to be comforted (Ps. 77:3), and my spirit is depressed within me (Ps. 143:4). I said: “From now on I will not trust friendship and why should I hope in man?” For every man walks flatteringly, and every brother stumbles his neighbor (Jer. 9:4). We are all from the same dust, from the same mixture, we have tasted from the same tree of evil, but one of us wears the most beautiful disguise. And what benefit did I have, I reasoned, from this zealous and glorified friendship, which began in the world and passed into the spirit? What was the use of the fact that we had the same shelter and the same meal, common mentors and lessons? What is the use of this more than brotherly merging of hearts and subsequently sincere unanimity? Will they not allow me to remain below during the dominion and exaltation of a friend, when many strive and achieve the opposite, that is, to rule with friends and participate in their prosperity? 3. But why should I retell everything that was invented by sadness and despondency, which I call darkness of the mind? But this, indeed, and even worse, was my reasoning. I will blame myself for my arrogance or madness. But now I am changing my thoughts and changing myself, which is much fairer than before, and more decent for me. You can see the sincerity of my change, wonderful husband, not only from the fact that you allowed my silence, about which you complained and for which you reproached me a lot, but also from the fact that my very words serve as your protectors. This is a clear sign of our friendship and the spirit that lives within us. But what is your justification? (If I sin in anything, correct me yourself, as you are accustomed to do in other cases.) You did not tolerate friendship being preferred to the Spirit: and if I am more dear to you, perhaps than anyone else, then the Spirit is incomparably more preferable to you than me. You did not tolerate talent remaining hidden and buried in the ground; I did not tolerate the lamp being hidden under a bushel for long, for this is how you think about my light and my work; You sought that Barnabas be added to you - Paul, Titus was added to Silvanus and Timothy, and that you, through those who sincerely care about you, spread the grace of God and from Jerusalem and the area around, even to Iliricum, to fulfill the gospel (Rom. 15:19). 4. For this reason, you take me out on Wednesday and, when I would like to evade, you take me and put me next to you (this, perhaps, you will say, is my insult) and makes me an accomplice of worries and crowns; For this purpose you will anoint me as a high priest, clothe me with a robe, place a mitre on me, bring me to the altar of spiritual burnt offering, offer the bullock of consecration, sanctify the hands of the Spirit, bring me into the Holy of Holies for the secret view and make me a minister of the true tabernacle, which the Lord has set up, and not man (Heb. 8:2). But am I worthy both of those who anoint, and of Him for Whom and before Whom the anointing is performed - the Father of the true and authentic Anointed One knows about this, Whom He anointed with the oil of joy more than His partaker (Ps. 45:8), having anointed humanity with the Divinity, that He might make both one; God Himself knows, and our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we received reconciliation; The Holy Spirit also knows, who brought us to this ministry, in which we stand and rejoice in the hope of glory (Rom. 5:2) of our Lord Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.