"My joy knows no bounds"

Contents Rev. Nikon of Optina How to live Salvation About God and man Faith The purpose of life Hope in God Patience and hope Prayer Gethsemane prayer Jesus Prayer Excellent healing God's will be done Glory to God for everything Devotion to the will of God God's help Reverence God's care Christian mood Keep yourself in virtues Our weakness Sins Passion vanity God's Permission Arrogance Resentment Envy Distracted life Repentance Spiritual father Conscience Unconfessed sin Seal of sin Confession True repentance Communion Communion and confession Human measure Silence and silence Unworthiness About patience Humility and patience Fullness of life Sorrows Sorrows and our petitions Peace of mind For God's sake God and people Skill Humility and conceit Divine Providence Good deed Reading Spiritual life Unbelief Future Immortality Spiritual law Gratitude to the Lord God is love According to the works of St. Nikon of Optina Venerable Nikon of Optina Reverend Nikon (in the world Nikolai Mitrofanovich Belyaev), the last Optina elder, was born on September 26, 1888 in Moscow into a large, friendly and pious family of Moscow merchants Belyaev. Kolya grew up as a cheerful, playful child and was very inventive in children's games and amusements. At the age of five, a significant event happened to him: he became so seriously ill that doctors were confident of his imminent death. But the mother began to pray selflessly, fervently and sincerely, and the son recovered very quickly, literally came to life. Subsequently, the Optina Elder Barsanuphius especially emphasized the significance of this incident, bearing in mind Nicholas’s clear destiny for monastic life. And another memorable event occurred in the Belyaev family: one day Father John of Kronstadt visited their house. He served a prayer service, blessed the young mother and gave her his photograph, on which he put his signature and date: “1888, the year of birth of his son Nicholas.” Kolya Belyaev and his brothers and sisters were well brought up: their parents tried not only to teach their children science and music, but also to instill good qualities in their souls. Children and their parents often went to church, and at home they prayed together in the morning and evening and often read the Gospel and the Lives of the Saints aloud. Over the years, Nikolai’s conscious desire for spiritual life strengthened. Of course, there were some hesitations: in his youth, as he later recalled, he managed to experience all the inclinations characteristic of his age and the spiritual atmosphere of that time. At one time he became interested in the ideas of socialism; adhered, like the majority, to the formal performance of Christian duties. But, despite the nihilistic sentiments that gripped most of Russian society at the end of the 19th century, Nikolai increasingly asked questions about the meaning of life, feeling some kind of inner emptiness. He wrote in his diary: “I remember that even in the games that I loved, I often felt dissatisfaction and emptiness. I didn’t know where to go from high school, what to choose, what branch of science, what, accordingly, the path of life. I didn’t like anything so much that I could devote myself to what I chose.” Already a student at the Faculty of Physics and Mathematics at Moscow University, he began to skip lectures and instead went to services at the Kazan Cathedral. He came to the university for a short time, and then went back to the church; then he returned home, stopping on the way to pray at the chapel. The elder recalled that he did not pray at all at home at that time, but “he did not leave the church, no matter what.” This uncertainty ended with the fact that in February 1907, Nikolai told his mother about his desire to enter a monastery. She blessed her son, and he came to Optina, where the Venerable Elder Barsanuphius lovingly received him, and from the very first conversations they felt a spiritual kinship. Nikolai was then nineteen years old. For about a year, he willingly and cheerfully performed all obediences, including those associated with heavy physical labor, which was previously unfamiliar to him. With the same joy that shone on his face, he swept away the snow, carried firewood to the kitchen, washed the dishes there, swept the floor; worked in the garden: carried manure, dug, planted. Spoiled and raised almost in luxury, unaccustomed to physical labor, Nikolai was not burdened by anything - his bright soul knew neither despondency, nor discontent, nor grumbling. Having passed the preliminary test, a year later Ivan was enrolled in the brotherhood as a novice. He was released from all previous obediences, and he became Elder Barsanuphius’s clerk, helping him conduct correspondence. Father Barsanuphius, seeing in Nicholas not only a spiritual son, but also a successor, talked with him for a long time, passing on to him his spiritual and life experience. Twenty-year-old Nikolai gratefully accepted and absorbed the teachings of the elder - so for many in the monastery he was an example of true obedience and peace of mind. He, according to those who knew him then, in an incomprehensible way, was at the same time serious, thoughtful - and at the same time joyful, his whole appearance expressed undisturbed joy. In 1915, Nikolai took monastic vows with the name Nikon, and in 1917 he was ordained a hieromonk. In the same year, after the October Revolution, persecution of the Church began, and Optina Pustyn was going to be closed. Remembering the words of Elder Barsanuphius once said to him: “Remain here as a monk until the end of your life,” Father Nikon resisted the authorities as best he could, doing everything possible to preserve the monastery. The following entry remained in his diary: “I will die, but I will not leave.” It was hard in Optina, the authorities were putting pressure, but services in churches continued. Optina was closed for a long time... In 1922, the monastery came under the jurisdiction of the OGPU, and most of the monks were removed from it. A year later, when Optina was finally closed, Father Nikon continued to serve and confess in the Optina Kazan Church - and stayed within the walls of the ruined monastery for another year, spiritually nourishing the community consisting of the sisters of the Shamordino monastery, also already closed by that time. At the same time, Elder Nektarios of Optina was arrested, and he blessed his spiritual children to go to Father Nikon, to whom crowds of people began to flock. Thus, Father Nikon, who was only 35 years old, became the last Optina elder - a spiritual support for many faithful to the Church, who in those terrible years especially needed strengthening. Spiritual children from surrounding towns and villages came to him, pilgrims came from all over Russia, and this lasted for several years. In 1927, Elder Nikon was arrested and spent three years in a camp in Kemi. The illnesses and painful conditions in which the elder was found only strengthened his strength of spirit and the incomprehensible joy for us of the love of God, faith in this love. At the end of the camp term, already suffering from a severe form of pulmonary tuberculosis, he writes to his spiritual children: “My joy has no limit...” This amazing joy, characteristic of holy people, not disturbed by anything external, is the joy of the Kingdom of Heaven, which, according to the word of Christ, is within us (see Luke 17:20-21). One monk, who saw Father Nikon both in the monastery and in exile, recalled about him: “He was always the same, wearing on his face something like spiritual joy.” Many were surprised that during all the time of suffering and persecution, Father Nikon never complained. His notes and letters to loved ones are written in a very calm language, without a shadow of indignation. “I try to be prepared for anything,” he wrote, “and firmly believe that everything is in God’s hands.” After the camp, Father Nikon was exiled to the Arkhangelsk region. He rented housing for a considerable fee from a landlady who had a very difficult character. She mercilessly forced the sick tenant to do heavy housework, without giving him any peace or rest. Almost falling from weakness, Father Nikon unquestioningly fulfilled all her demands - despite the fact that he constantly had a fever and his legs hurt badly. He was malnourished, his health was getting worse, and his mistress considered his illnesses to be a sham. One day, due to overwork, Father Nikon was unable to get up to continue working around the house. Then his illness with tuberculosis became obvious in the eyes of the landlady, and she began to kick the tenant out, throwing all his things into the street. The Optina monk Peter, who came to visit Father Nikon, saw this and asked: “And that means,” Father Nikon answered with his characteristic calm and even some humor, “fly out wherever you want.” And the monk took Father Nikon to a neighboring village. There the priest was soon found by his spiritual daughter, nun Irina, later schema-nun Seraphima. Father Nikon by that time had already become completely ill and taken ill, but even in this state he read the Holy Scriptures and wrote letters. The nun Irina brightened up the last days of the dying priest with her cares. On July 8, 1931, Father Nikon took communion, listened to the canon for the exodus of the soul, and died peacefully. An extraordinary bright smile remained imprinted on the face of the deceased... The memory of the Monk Nikon of Optina is celebrated on the day of his death - July 8 (new style). When sorrows overwhelm our souls and our hearts waver, our thoughts are confused, our only refuge is the Lord. Submit everything to the will of God. Believe that the Lord cares for us. Just take care of yourself from all sin. Don't be discouraged. Strengthen your prayer for those who offend you and humbly endure. The Lord will not forsake those who trust in Him (see Ps. 33:23). Believe it. Believe that the Lord is near, His help and His intercession are near. And if this help seems to be slow to come to you, then it means it is necessary and useful. Therefore, be patient and do not be discouraged. If you sincerely love Christ, then for His sake endure every hardship of your life, maintaining a good Christian mood in your soul. Be patient with everything. Suffering is inevitable. They seek your righteous reward. You shouldn't be discouraged. And in sorrowful experiences the mercy of God is hidden. The Lord builds our life in a way that is incomprehensible to us. Turn to people for help according to your mental and physical needs, but expect success in receiving this help from the Lord. Pray, do not give in to everything that comes to your mind or heart. The Lord will help, and with His help everything is possible. Beware of condemnation, like fire that can burn the spiritual church. Don’t pay attention to people’s weaknesses, don’t judge them – pay attention to yourself. And for your humility, may God’s all-powerful help and grace come to you. Eradicate your own evil from your heart, but you don’t care about other people’s evil. Only with the Lord and in the Lord can you find peace of mind; your tormented soul can only find joy in the Lord, in repentance and correction of life. Sin kills a person’s soul with its poison, but the soul is resurrected from the life-giving effect of repentance. The Lord can comfort a person even in the face of an influx of sorrows. And I believe that it will comfort us. Don't complain about anyone. We are God’s, and without God’s will nothing can happen to us. According to the teaching of the Holy Fathers, we must hate sin (for sin was and is vile), and love the sinner. Sins cannot overcome God’s goodness and mercy if we repent of them and ask for forgiveness. Finding excuses for oneself cannot calm the conscience; it only upsets the person more. Sin, covered with the guise of goodness, creeps up and damages the souls of those who do not trust themselves to the Gospel. Gospel goodness requires self-sacrifice, “renunciation of one’s will and reason.” God's things belong to God. And whoever steals what is God and appropriates it for himself will gravely sin the sin of sacrilege. Thoughts are the cause of every sad event. Lack of humility and recognition of one's merits is the basis for prelest 1 . To distort the meaning of Holy Scripture, for example, about the properties of love, is blasphemy. Don't justify yourself and don't blame anyone for anything. Forgiveness is granted only to those who consider themselves guilty. Humble yourself before God and people, and the Lord will never leave you. Let us slowly move towards salvation, making up for our lack and weakness through self-reproach and driving away demonic despondency with hope in God’s mercy, but by no means falling into sins spontaneously. If your soul seeks refuge, then let it seek in the Lord. In Him she will find it, and in everything she will give glory to God. A sincere desire to serve the Lord God and surrendering oneself, everything, and everyone completely to the all-good, perfect will of God - bring the peace of God to the heart, even when experiencing various sorrows, both external and internal, spiritual. Everyone bears the cross, everyone endures sorrow. Surrender yourself to God, His all-holy will - and it will be easier on your soul and heart. If there is no one to open your soul to, tell the Lord God your sorrow. He will never leave. It is said in the Holy Gospel: “Watch and pray, so as not to fall into temptation” (Matthew 26:41). So I ask you: stay awake, take care of yourself, don’t forget your prayers - and the Lord will protect you from everything harmful. Your own compulsion to keep God’s commandments is necessary. And God's help is always with us. The Lord does not allow temptations beyond our measure and strength, so we should not give up; you need to courageously stand against sin - and with God’s help it will be defeated. “Human defense is vanity” (Ps. 59:13). Although we must turn to people for mental and physical help, we must expect success in these appeals from the hand of the Lord. Anger comes from the enemy, the devil, we must be angry with him, and we must take pity on angry people, and even pray for them, according to the commandment of Christ. It is possible and necessary to take care of the physical, but not “with our soul,” as it is said in the Gospel, for in the Gospel not all care is prohibited, but only that which absorbs our soul and does not allow it to be devoted to serving God. Keep yourself from all sin. Remember that every sin can destroy a person. Humbly express your desires to God in prayer, but at the same time renounce your will. Do not be embarrassed if the Lord is slow to fulfill your requests. He who sincerely loves the Lord forces himself everywhere and always to keep His commandments, for “the Kingdom of Heaven is taken by force” (Matthew 11:12). And if you only wait for favorable conditions for salvation, you will never begin a life pleasing to God. Do not judge or condemn anyone, but pay attention only to yourself, committing yourself, everyone, and everything to the will of God. The salvation of the soul is the goal of earthly life. The salvation of the soul is most valuable. Unpeacefulness destroys people. The Lord, and He alone, can always free us from the hands of the devil. And if at the same time there is a person, for example, a spiritual father, then he does not act independently, but as much as the Lord gives him. Therefore, salvation is from the Lord, and anyone can receive it, as long as they do not become discouraged and despair. Man was created by God good and blameless. After the Fall of Adam, sin entered into human nature, evil entered. In order to save a person from this evil, according to God’s definition, it was necessary for God - the second Person of the Holy Trinity - to become a man and save and heal a person from the evil that he suffered. The saving sacrifice was made by our Lord Jesus Christ on Calvary, on the Cross, through His suffering, death, and resurrection. You have to believe in this. This is the basis of our faith. In addition, Christ gave people His commandments, which teach how a person should live, to be a follower and disciple of Him, to do His will, for the sake of the eternal salvation of the soul. Whoever accepts Christ the Savior and the holy Gospel commandments 2 with his heart and lives in accordance with this, he becomes a Christian, and whoever rejects or neglects this remains only with his fallen, distorted, sick nature, in which the original good is mixed with evil; such a person cannot be called a Christian; he is alien to the Christian life and the salvation of Christ. In the guise of the good that remains in fallen nature, the devil tries to distract everyone from Christ, cunningly proving that fallen good is the only good, for that is what it seems to those who do not know the teachings of Christ. Whoever, despite all the deceptions of the evil one, adheres to the teachings of the Gospel, must inevitably experience a struggle within himself. Faith can be maintained by someone who ardently and sincerely believes, to whom God is dearest most of all, and this last thing can only be achieved by someone who keeps himself from all sin, who preserves his morality. Oh Lord! Keep me in faith by Your grace! Come to the Lord on a straight path, and leave the future entirely to the Lord. The Lord wants your salvation, and this salvation is the goal of our life. The only true goal. Whatever is not built on this goal, everything collapses, leaving bitter repentance in the human soul. And labors for the sake of salvation, although not immediately, bring peace to the soul and peace in the lives of the blessed. The Lord is my hope and my refuge (see Ps. 17:3)! In surrendering both myself and everything to the will of God, I find peace in my soul. If I surrender myself to the will of God, then God’s will will be done to me, and it is always good and perfect. If I am God’s, then the Lord will protect me and comfort me. If any temptation is sent to me for my benefit, blessed is the Lord who builds my salvation. Even with the influx of sorrows, the Lord is able to provide great and glorious consolation. This is how I think, this is how I feel, this is how I observe and this is how I believe. Believe that if it is difficult and you have to endure, you endure according to the will of God and the righteous judgment of God for the sake of salvation. If we have sinned, but have not departed from God, it means that we are God’s. May the thought humble you with the consciousness of your sinfulness and the deservingness of righteous punishment, and may it inspire you with the hope of salvation, which is built by God’s providence for us, incomprehensible to us. The Lord is truly merciful: He has not forgotten you and will not forget you. For everything, thank God! Where we are powerless, the only remedy is prayer. The Lord builds everything and our lives beyond our understanding. May His will be done, and may we always abide in it and with Him. Let us pray to the Lord to save us and help us in troubles and needs; I don’t see any other refuge or hope. Human calculations are both vain and erroneous. When you have to endure something difficult, but you know that there is no will here, you get moral relief and peace of mind. God's will be done. May the Lord not disgrace our faith in devotion to His will. The operation of grace is the gift of God; it cannot be acquired without permission. We need to remember that “the Kingdom of God will not come in a noticeable way” (Luke 17:20). It is necessary to know that the first and main mood during prayer should not be the expectation of pleasure, but an offering to God of repentance and humility; you need to know that it is necessary to fight passions and cleanse the heart of passions; that this purity of heart is achieved by keeping the commandments of God, without which spiritual life is generally unthinkable. Humility is necessary as an unshakable foundation, for “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6). Some, starting the Jesus Prayer, begin to think about themselves that they are already prayer books: “I am not like other people” (Luke 18:11), and instead of humility they succeed in conceit and pride. Such people need to know that it is not God who needs our prayer, but ourselves, that through humble prayer, with the awareness of our weakness and sinfulness, for our salvation we need to ask the Lord God for forgiveness of sins, mercy and help. According to the teachings of the holy fathers, it is required that those who turn to prayer should lead a virtuous life in all respects, cut off their will and not allow themselves to daydream and indulge in various thoughts, for if anyone engages in prayer and indulges in dreams, especially those who are prodigal and unclean, then he will fall into delusion 3 and even into insanity. It is one thing to drive away thoughts with prayer: this is necessary, because often against desire various thoughts appear in a person’s mind, and it is necessary to drive them away with prayer; and another thing is to pray, and indulge in dreams and thoughts, talking with them and enjoying them. When praying, the holy fathers advise to concentrate your attention and your mind in the words of prayer and not think about anything else. The Jesus Prayer requires self-sacrifice and work; therefore, although many begin it, there are few true prayer books. Pray daily, both morning and evening, for those for whom you have wrong feelings, so that instead of dislike, pure love for the Lord may instill in you towards them, for you must love your neighbor in the Lord and for the Lord. And passions in our fallen nature are tenacious, we must fight them, that is, make an effort not to succumb to them; victory over them is accomplished by the power of God; our weak strength is insufficient for this. We must humbly admit this, and through humility we must attract God’s mercy and help. And those who are not yet fully aware of this, who have not fully reconciled themselves, are often allowed to endure the violence of passions in order to reconcile themselves. Prayer has worked and continues to work miracles, especially when prayer asks for a good, saving deed. We must avoid that trick of the devil when the evil one, unnoticed by the prayer book, tries to steal the prayer with an incorrect mood, very subtly creeping into the heart, as if a person, while praying, is doing something necessary and pleasant for God. God does not need our prayers. It is not God, but we who need prayer, just as a beggar needs to receive alms from a rich man, but not a rich man in the beggar’s requests - only, of course, to an infinitely lesser extent, for God cannot be compared with man. It is necessary to preserve the fruit of prayer. He is ruined, lost very often from idle talk immediately after prayer and from daydreaming, which is the same idle talk, but only with oneself. Silence after prayer is very beneficial; it holds the prayer in the mind, the heart, and even on the lips out loud to oneself. A cold attitude towards the matter of prayer is not helpful. “I prayed, read what I was supposed to, and I’m free. He served his duty." Such prayer does not produce good fruits. And such prayer occurs among those who limit their appeal to God only by fulfilling a rule or going to church, without striving for prayer to fill and illuminate their whole life, all their affairs. The desired prayer mood is not immediately achieved, it takes whole years to acquire it, but it is necessary to force oneself, it is necessary to consider oneself constantly a debtor to God, both in all virtues and in prayer. We must acquire a heartfelt awareness of the need for prayer, and in order not to drive away the prayerful mood, we must protect ourselves from every irreverent word and deed, from everything that violates spiritual peace, that is not according to conscience, not according to the law of God. With pious, deep meditation, study the prayer of the Lord, which He offered to the Father in the Garden of Gethsemane during the difficult hours that preceded His suffering and death on the cross. Meet and overcome all sorrow with this prayer. “My Father!” the Savior prayed, “if possible, let this cup pass from Me; however, not as I want, but as You do” (Matthew 26:39). Pray to God to remove adversity from you, and together renounce your will, as a sinful will, a blind will; surrender yourself, your soul and body, your circumstances, both present and future, commit those close to your heart, your loved ones - to the will of God, the all-holy and wise Say the Jesus Prayer in humility of your spirit and heart. It is good that you receive consolation from this activity, but firmly remember that seeking consolation and pleasure in prayer is recognized by the holy fathers as harmful to the soul. Therefore, become more attached to the feelings of humility and repentance. Then you will not get lost on your prayer path. The only favorable sacrifice to God is a spirit that is contrite about its sins, about its fall, about its passion. God will not despise a broken and humble heart (see Ps. 50:19). The only correct mood during the Jesus Prayer is repentance and contrition for sins, alien to any condemnation and attention to the lives of other people. “Where should I think about the vices or virtues of others when I suffer from my own infirmities and want to get rid of them. I am a sinner demanding mercy from the Lord.” This is the initial mood and necessary for anyone who wants to lean into the Jesus Prayer. “Glory to you, my God, for the sorrow sent! I accept what is worthy according to my deeds. Remember me in Your Kingdom. May Your holy will be done in everything!” It is recommended to say this prayer over and over again slowly, enclosing the mind in the words of the prayer. It is best to retire and say this prayer standing or sitting. This is wonderful medicine for a grieving soul. It helps even in moments of intense mental and physical suffering. First, if it is impossible to immediately be imbued with feelings of gratitude to God, submission to Him, humility before Him, you still need to say a prayer, at least with your lips alone. Gradually the indicated feelings will come, and with them peace will descend into the human heart. “Do not trust in princes, in the son of man, in whom there is no salvation... Blessed is he who has hope in the Lord God” (Ps. 146:3-5) Only hope in God is a solid foundation. The rest is all fragile... You don’t know at all where it’s better, where it’s worse and what awaits. God's will be done. Our job is to keep ourselves in faith and guard ourselves from all sin, and entrust everything else to God. He who trusts in the Lord will not be put to shame. “Thank God, thank God! Glory to God for everything!” From these wonderful holy words, dark thoughts and burdens recede. Peace, consolation, and joy come to a person’s soul. Thy will be done, Lord! Thank God for everything! I surrender to the will of God and grieve more for all of you, the souls near and dear to me, than for myself. You can get used to everything external. I hope and pray that the Lord will not send trials beyond measure and strength to either me or you, and that what is sent according to the judgment of God is for our sins. Therefore, I must endure everything with humility and, seeing and hearing that many experience and experience more than I do, I must thank the Lord for His mercy towards me, a sinner. Everything human is crumbling. “The truth of the Lord endures forever” (Ps. 116:2). Peace and silence are established in the soul and heart from devotion to the will of God. You need to sympathize with every person, especially your loved ones. And help what is in your power, and surrender everything else to the will of God... The Lord knows what he is doing. I believe that the Lord fulfills our desires for good, and therefore our desires will also be fulfilled if they bring us spiritual benefit. Considering myself a sinner, and therefore not understanding what would benefit me and what I should ask from God, I surrendered myself and all of you to the will of God, and His all-good providence, and therefore I ask one thing: Lord, Thy will be done! I wish everything that the Lord sends me, whether it be sorrowful or comforting, so long as I don’t sin or cause myself spiritual harm. Keep yourself from all sin. And leave the rest to the will of God. Surrender to the will of God and endure everything. Remember that according to the spiritual law, forgiveness of offenses (real forgiveness) gives a person reason (understanding) of the truth and great benefits. You have to humble yourself and endure. And the Lord will not leave you with His mercy. Everything that happens to us in our lives happens according to the will of God. Therefore, everything must be accepted as from the hand of the Lord, with all humility. I fervently wish you all to find this precious humility through submission to the will of God. It, even with all the difficulties and sorrows, can give a person bliss. Don't be discouraged, my child! Know that the Lord is near you, that His unceasing Providence is watching over you, that your Guardian Angel protects you all days and nights. He rejoices at your good thoughts and cries when you think inappropriately, especially when you say or do something. Be patient with the Lord for the sake of the yoke of Christ. Beware of all evil... Don't be surprised by the evil you see in yourself. The holy Apostle Paul saw it in himself and exclaimed: “I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin” (Rom. 7:23). Let the sight of this evil humble you, not dishearten you. Let the vision of this evil force you to seek help from God and not rely on your own strength. It is said: “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path” (Ps. 119:105). Yes, there is no other lamp, no other light. This is the only true light. Study in the Word of God, read, first of all, the Holy Gospel, the Holy Fathers - you will see the way. “I am the way and the truth and the life” (John 14:6). Keep holy faith and morality. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t immediately notice a change for the better in yourself. Sometimes the Lord hesitates to send deliverance, for the sake of greater humility of a person. Acquire a mood of devotion to the will of God. Constantly repeat within yourself: Thy will be done, Lord! The works of God must be done with reverence, as it is said: “Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice (before Him) with trembling” (Ps. 2:11). Enter the church as if you were entering the house of God. And be in the church, as in the house of God, with the consciousness of the presence of God, moving away from all freedom and recklessness. The Lord cares for us. He fulfills our good desires. He sees our hearts and our souls. He arranges what is good for us. Every type of Christian life has its own virtues and activities. The affairs of those with whom we have a different way of life are inaccessible to us. For example, a mother with infants cannot go to church every day for all services and pray for a long time at home. This will result not only in embarrassment, but even sin, if, for example, in the absence of a mother, a child without supervision cripples himself, or does pranks when he grows up. She cannot completely renounce her property for the sake of personal achievement, for she is obliged to support and feed her children. She is obliged to please God with deeds characteristic of her: enduring the hardships of family life, doing all she can to pray, doing alms, teaching and raising children, keeping fasts, going to church on holidays, staying away from grumbling, gossip, etc. Thus, by avoiding all sin, both a layman, a monk, and every Christian will be able to acquire in their souls a Christian mood and virtues that are necessary for everyone, for example, humility, patience, submission to the will of God, an unenvious heart, undoubted faith, unfeigned love, etc. Keep yourself in virtues I earnestly wish you all the mercies of God. And they, first of all, are attracted by a soul filled with humility and repentance. Keep yourself in these virtues. Without them, spiritual life is impossible, cleansing the heart from passions is impossible, and without this it is impossible to see the Lord. How great is our weakness! How weak is our faith! It’s not our business to argue why this or that happens to us; you need to know that this is the will of God, you need to humble yourself. And demanding, so to speak, an account from God is extreme madness and pride. Human pride says: we will do it, we will achieve it - and we begin to build the Tower of Babel, we demand an account from God for His actions, we want to be stewards of the universe, we dream of thrones beyond the clouds - but no one and nothing obeys human pride, and the powerlessness of man is clearly proven by bitter experience. Observing this experience from history, both ancient, long-ago days, and modern ones, I come to the conclusion that the ways of God’s Providence are incomprehensible to us, we cannot understand them, and therefore it is necessary to surrender to the will of God with all humility. This is the first one. Then the second: no one and nothing can harm a person if he does not harm himself; on the contrary, whoever does not shy away from sin, even a thousand saving means will not help him. Consequently, the only evil is sin: Judas fell while with the Savior, and righteous Lot was saved while living in Sodom. These and similar thoughts come to me when I study the reading of the holy fathers and when I look mentally at my surroundings. When sin rapes a person, a person must take all measures to protect himself from falling into sin by deed, and in no way give consent to it in his mind and heart; must try to hate sin; pray to God for help in the struggle and more often confess this sin and the very passion living in the human heart. Bishop Ignatius (Brianchaninov) says quite definitely that without a pure and sincere confession a person will not be able to overcome his passion. When sin for any reason breaks out, that is, it is committed by deed, then you need to consider yourself completely guilty of the fact that the sin was committed, repent of it purely, without looking for an excuse for yourself, as it is sung: do not let my heart deviate to evil words to excuse sinful deeds (Ps. 141:4). Experience shows that only then does a person become pacified when he admits himself completely to be guilty and repents of his sin, without trying to reduce it in his own and other people’s eyes. And the judgment for sin belongs to God; a confessor is a mediator between God and a repentant person; when resolving a sin, he can take into account the circumstances of the sin and judge more strictly or leniently, but he is still obliged to recognize the sin as a sin, for sin is always a sin. It happens that those under exactly the same conditions act differently: one falls, the other abstains. Therefore, only the consciousness of one’s guilt calms a person’s conscience. It is difficult to break free from the power of sin. The fear of death is saving, and the mercy of God gives time for repentance; we need persistence in the fight against sin, even if sin overcomes us from time to time. It is necessary to move away from temptations and vanity in general. The purpose of the Lord's allowing of stumbling blocks is for a person to acquire humility and reject arrogance. It is necessary to reject all despondency and continue the fight against sin. The passion of vanity destroys faith in the human heart, vanity makes the human heart incapable of faith in Christ, of confessing Christ... The Lord sometimes allows a person to be abandoned, as it were, but still preserves and leads the soul to salvation. This permission of God may concern an entire community of believers. Our job is to humbly keep the faith of Christ. If faith is maintained, there is hope of salvation. Faith must be maintained, with abstinence from all sin. Pray earnestly to the Lord so that you can be with Him to the end. He will not leave you and will save you. Don't be discouraged, stay awake! I am sure that if the Lord allows, all sorts of evil, humiliation, and sorrow can befall me; and I am also sure that if the Lord does not allow it, no one will lay a finger on me. “The Lord is for me, I will not be afraid: what will man do to me? The Lord is my helper” (Ps. 118:6–7). The Lord's will be done! Sometimes, from an immoderate self-imposed prayer rule, performed without humility, but with pride, without thinking about one’s sins and repentance for them, an incorrect mood is formed in the soul and heart of a person, giving rise to evil fruits, not good ones, and one of the first evil fruits is exaltation of oneself, admiration of one’s prayer: “I am not like other people” (Luke 18:11). All the words: “undeservedly,” “unfairly,” “I want to prove” are not Christian. “Blessed are you when they revile you” (Matthew 5:11), “My judgment is righteous” (John 5:30). Therefore, we must humble ourselves and submit, and pray for the offenders, so that the Lord will work with us and with them in His mercy. Envy gives rise to blindness, and even in the church Lenten stichera it is sung that envy “does not know what is useful” (I don’t remember the exact words). A great mental disaster is a distracted life. It makes a particularly terrible impression on those who allow themselves to be absent-minded, having already begun an attentive life. A reverent Christian must lead his life in all attention to himself and sobriety 4: watch and pray so as not to fall into temptation, said the Lord (Matthew 26:41). The Holy Fathers have instructions that repentance opens sight to sins, that is, a person begins to see in himself more and more new sins that he had not seen before, and the sins themselves begin to seem heavier and heavier. Because of this, the saints cried about their sins, when they had already become saints, miracle workers; There are many examples of this in the lives of saints and their writings. There is much to be said about this subject; Entire books have been written on this subject, for without repentance there is no salvation. Repentance is the beginning of spiritual life; repentance is necessary to accept the Gospel; the property of repentance opens the sight of one’s sins; repentance leads to spiritual visions. Repentance requires renunciation of addictions and distractions. Falsely blessed calmness is self-delusion. Without repentance and crying, an attentive life does not bear any good fruit. It is necessary to pay attention to oneself; heart disease and contrition are necessary. The path of repentance and awareness of one’s sinfulness is safe from demonic delusion 5 . Seeing yourself as a saint is a sign of delusion and self-delusion. The success and joy of a Christian lies in the awareness of his sinfulness, in the vision of his sins. You not only need to see your sinfulness, you also need to construct all your actions, your entire life and activity in full agreement with the consciousness and vision of your sinfulness. Seeing sins is a gift from God. You need to ask God for it. It is very important to have a reverent confessor with whom we could consult and clarify certain issues of spiritual life and simply have a conversation in order to warm a cold heart with spiritual conversation and receive spiritual reinforcement in the sorrows that surround us - but if we cannot immediately find one, it is very unreasonable not to resort to confession at all. This is similar to someone who does not have a good broom to clean his house and does not clean it at all. There is no good broom - take what you have. If only the house was clean... One should not boast about how one’s spiritual father consoled someone, so as not to arouse envy, for envy sometimes creeps into the hearts of people of high ascetic life; There are many examples of this both around and in the lives of saints. You can’t tell lies about your spiritual father. This is a great sin. Listen to your conscience, but a good conscience, not an evil one. Preserving this good conscience is very important, and rejection of a good conscience can even cause a falling away from the faith. Always have this good conscience, that is, illuminated by the light of the teachings of the Gospel, within yourself when discussing or resolving all issues. One should not approach the Holy Chalice with unconfessed sin; and confession itself, when hiding the main sin, loses its meaning. Sin puts its stamp not only on the soul, but also on a person’s appearance, on his outer behavior and appearance. Some, ashamed of the confessor, for various reasons, look for a way not to say everything in detail at confession, speaking in general terms or in such a way that the confessor cannot clearly understand what has been done, or even completely concealing it, thinking to calm their conscience by various reasoning with themselves in their soul. Here, the enemy of our salvation, the devil, knows how to recall in a perverted form the words of the holy fathers and even Holy Scripture, in order to prevent a person from making the saving and necessary confession of sins to the confessor in the form in which they were made. But if a person’s conscience is not lost, it does not give him peace until everything is said in detail at confession. You just shouldn’t say unnecessary details that do not explain the essence of the matter, but only paint them picturesquely. The fathers do not advise allowing yourself such painting of pictures of sin, which is not alien to the pleasure of remembering sin, especially in fornication, so that the heart, which still loves sin, does not delay and delight in sin. You especially shouldn’t allow yourself to shift the blame onto others, or look for excuses and justifications for yourself. Such confession does not give peace to spiritual life. The soul is revived by sincere repentance, alien to guile. A truly repentant person is ready to endure any punishment from his spiritual father and everything that the Lord allows him to suffer, sorrowful and humbling, just to receive forgiveness. Many are looking, as if necessary, for a confessor of a high life and, not finding one, become despondent, and therefore rarely, as if reluctantly, come to confession. This is a big mistake. We must believe in the Sacrament of Confession itself, in its power, and not in the performer of the sacrament. It is only necessary that the confessor be Orthodox and legal. There is no need to argue that the personal qualities of a confessor mean a lot, but one must believe and know that the Lord, who acts in every sacrament by His grace, acts according to His omnipotence regardless of these qualities. The property of true repentance opens your eyes to your sinfulness and sin in general. From relatively frequent communion of the Holy Mysteries of Christ, the soul becomes more peaceful and the soul becomes lighter. You can receive communion more often or less often, but you must confess more often, so that your conscience will always be clear and unsullied. Just as we always try to wash our body when it gets dirty in any way, so we must always keep our soul clean so that our conscience does not reproach us for anything. If we were Reverend Anthony and Macarius, then we could do their deeds, but since we are not even like them, we need to recognize our weakness and humble ourselves, to carry out the feat within our power, for due to immoderation or difficult living conditions, some completely abandoned the feat. Let this not happen to you, my child. Silence is non-speaking, and silence is solitude from rumors, vanity, and much care. A person who is silent with his lips can dream, with his mind and heart indulge in worries and all sorts of vanity, but a silent person, even if he says a word that is necessary, does not cease to be silent, since his heart and life are alien to vanity and much care. Silence is the work of those who have renounced the world. “Can everyone hope for forgiveness, mercy and intercession from the Lord?” Yes, everyone. He who flows to the Lord receives mercy from the Lord. Those who don’t flow in don’t receive. The parable of the prodigal son clearly proves everything (see Luke 15:11–32). He who doubts the mercy of God even sins. It’s another matter to consider yourself unworthy out of awareness of your unworthiness, out of the awareness of your many sins. This is good. But, considering oneself unworthy, one must still hope for God’s mercy. Before the Lord, everyone is a sinner. “There is no man who has not sinned” (1 Kings 8:46). And the Lord is merciful. He who trusts in the Lord will not be put to shame. “Ask, and it will be given to you” (Matthew 7:7). Humble yourself, endure everything, even your weaknesses, do not leave the path of salvation, lest the evil one be strengthened and overcome you. Be patient with everything: the unclean spirit will not tolerate your constancy and will retreat, seeing that it cannot strengthen itself on you... Sincerity and strength of will are tested by patience and time. Without trials, sorrows and hardships, it is impossible to sufficiently appreciate the benefits and conveniences that we have lost and that we desire, but do not have. For everything, thank God. And the actions of others should not be analyzed unless we are asked. Everyone lives as he wants, and you pay attention to yourself. Humbly considering oneself a sinner, worthy of both external and internal sorrows and struggles, one must endure everything in the hope of God’s help. If the struggle turns out to be long, so painful that there is no outcome or end in sight, then you need to know that everything on earth is temporary, that we are waiting for eternal life beyond the grave. The Lord will help, you just need to be patient and trust in God’s mercy. For everything, thank God. And may your sorrows be turned into joy. The fullness of spiritual life and bliss are in the future life, but here they are fleeting. Therefore, there is no need to grieve excessively for anything. And the meaning and benefit of what is experienced, for the most part, is learned later. Pray to God to turn away from you every attack, every temptation. One should not boldly rush into the abyss of sorrows; this is prideful arrogance. But when sorrows come by themselves, do not be afraid of them, do not think that they came by chance, by coincidence. No, they were allowed by the incomprehensible Providence of God. Full of faith and the courage and generosity it engenders, sail fearlessly through the darkness and warring storm to the quiet haven of eternity: you are invisibly guided by Jesus Himself. Grief is nothing more than an experience in our heart when something happens against our desire, our will. To prevent grief from pressing painfully, you must renounce your will and humble yourself before God in all respects. God desires our salvation and builds it in ways that are incomprehensible to us. Surrender to the will of God, and you will find peace in your sorrowful soul and heart. Without recognizing oneself as worthy of sorrow for one’s fall, one cannot know the Savior. Example of two thieves (see Luke 23:39–43). From surrendering oneself to the will of God, the spiritual power of faith and spiritual consolation appear in a person’s heart. A sorrowless life is a sign of God’s displeasure towards man. One should not envy those who live without sorrow, for the end of their sorrowlessness is deplorable. Temptations and sorrows reveal the state of a person’s soul; in modern terms, they are like some kind of exam. Sorrows protect against arrogance. To indulge in grief without permission is impudence, pride, and madness. Accept what God sends. The fruit of sorrows is the purification of the soul and its spiritual state. It must be stored. Sorrows reveal our evil thoughts; Having opened these thoughts to ourselves, we will reconcile ourselves. Our sorrows are not similar in appearance to our guilt, but spiritually they rightly correspond to them. Sorrows are allowed to reveal who truly loves God. Without enduring sorrows, even a grateful soul is incapable of the Kingdom of God. Firm endurance of sorrows is equivalent to martyrdom. Sorrows mean nothing in comparison with spiritual benefits. You can’t go into grief on your own. This is insolence and pride; and it may happen that you cannot endure what you have taken upon yourself without permission. The meaning of all requests for deliverance from sorrows is to surrender oneself to the will of God. A person confesses that for his sins he is worthy of punishment, worthy of sorrows, but asks to be delivered from them, being fully confident that rejecting sorrow and allowing it depends entirely on the hand of the Lord, that except the Lord, no one can deliver him from sorrows and misfortunes. The basis for this is humility, and humility is pleasing to God God knows our needs before our requests, but commands us to ask for what is necessary; proof of this is the God-given prayer “Our Father.” It is required, so to speak, to discover humility and a desire to accept the benefits freely given by the Lord God, to prepare oneself, to prepare oneself to gratefully accept these benefits; and if the bestowal of these blessings were to slow down, then prepare your soul for grateful patience, for this slowing down is aimed at bestowing upon man greater gifts. In patience you must obtain your salvation: patience is necessary; in other words, a cross is necessary. Some of the zealots of piety would like to always enjoy peace of mind. And since this does not happen to them, and at times peace and tranquility are felt in their souls, and at times storms of various indecent thoughts rise up, of course, without their consent, they come from this into great confusion and even hopelessness of their salvation. But one should not be embarrassed in such cases, for embarrassment shows their lack of understanding of spiritual life. One brother saw a hermit walking and ran after him, wanting to talk with him for the benefit of his soul. The hermit, seeing this, ran from him, wanting to hide. He began to shout that he was running after him for God’s sake; the one who was running away continued to run, shouting in response that he was also running away from him for God’s sake. We must believe in God, and we must give people only their due, no more, no less. You can't do without people. But people are always people, and therefore we must endure the imperfections of people with complacency and humility, borrowing from them, like a wise bee, what is useful and edifying. From the Word of God, from the lives of the saints, we see that there were displeasures, disputes, disagreements between the saints, even between the apostles, but this did not prevent them from being vessels of the Holy Spirit and those who flowed to them from receiving from them and through them both edification and salvation. A person who does not restrain himself in small things, thinking that a small thing does not mean anything, loses the habit of fighting with himself and relaxes spiritually. Having become unaccustomed to fighting in insignificant and small things, in his opinion, he generally becomes unaccustomed to fighting with himself and can no longer withstand the temptation when it is required to show valor in the Lord and in an important matter. You can come to such a state of self-indulgence and unwillingness to fight yourself without noticing it, gradually. Let the enemy not deceive us! Let's keep a close eye on ourselves. Skill is of great importance - both good and bad. A skill attracts a person. Having cast aside self-pity and guile, with self-sacrifice we will begin to fulfill the commandments of Christ in both large and small matters, on the one hand, and the fight against sin also in large and small matters, on the other hand. Humbly considering ourselves always, until death, capable of any sin, small and large (according to our understanding), we must earnestly pray to the Lord for help: “may we not fall into misfortune.” Conceit does not care about preserving oneself and is the cause of great falls; temptations take over and overthrow a person. Some, seeing that the Lord does not give them for a long time the way of life they desire, in which they hope to receive spiritual benefit and peace of mind for their restless heart, fall into negligence, having infected themselves with the false thought inspired by the devil that, they say, I will force myself to virtue when I have the convenience to do so (for example, when I am worthy of monasticism or a solitary life, or after removing from myself certain duties and etc.), but now it’s impossible for me... Let such people know that our lives are not arranged arbitrarily, but by the Providence of God, that peace is found in the renunciation of one’s will, that complete comfort can never be found, that the Lord does not require the impossible from us, and that feasible fulfillment of God’s commandments is possible everywhere and always. For compelling oneself in a given place and position to piety, the Lord, seeing a person prepared, fulfills his desires for good. Observing the events of both your life and the lives of other people, you can see the coincidence of circumstances with amazing clarity. No precautions or measures could and cannot prevent what was happening, for it was happening by God’s determination. There's no one to blame. We must humble ourselves and endure. Otherwise we will sin against God. A good deed is not every good deed, but only such a good deed that is done for the sake of God. The appearance of a matter is not its essence. God looks at the heart. How we must humble ourselves, seeing that passion is mixed into every activity we do! The elders advise reading and re-reading the works of the holy fathers. They are deep and understood gradually. Their subject is spiritual life, and it is vast. There is no limit to spiritual growth, so rereading is of great importance. It is better to reread a small number of books with reverence and attention than to read a lot quickly. Reading is one of the most necessary activities. Without reading or listening to reading, one cannot know the truth. When I talk about reading, I mean exclusively the reading of the Holy Scriptures and the writings of the fathers and churches. But reading will only bring the desired benefit when what you read, to the best of your ability and ability, enters life, becomes the rule of life, and not simple, bare, soulless and cold knowledge. What good can it be if a person knows that he needs to pray and does not pray; knows that it is necessary to forgive insults, and does not forgive; knows that he needs to fast - and does not fast; you need to endure - and you don’t tolerate it, etc. Such knowledge, according to the word of the Gospel, will even condemn a person. Therefore, you need to read with attention and try to live in the spirit of what you read. Of course, we cannot immediately become the executor of everything that is written - we need gradualism. First, forcing yourself and a humble awareness of your weakness - then the knowledge gained from reading will bring the desired benefit. In general, all the books and writings of the holy fathers and true teachers of the Church on spiritual life, and especially the writings on prayer, must be read with extreme attention, slowly, delving into every saying, every word to the best of your ability, so as not to miss anything necessary, so as not to give yourself a reason for an incorrect, arbitrary understanding and interpretation of what you read. Spiritual life and the feat of prayer have their own laws, their own consistency; they must be studied and understood, assimilated into the mind and heart. Arbitrariness and self-thinking should have no place here; they lead a person astray. A seemingly small deviation or inaccuracy sometimes leads to big mistakes and delusions that have bitter fruits and consequences. If something seems incomprehensible, unclear, then you need to ask someone who knows, if you have such a person, and if you don’t, then let it remain incomprehensible for the time being - do not try to understand with your mind. In due time the Lord will send admonition We must force ourselves to practice every virtue, fight against every type of sin, without giving ourselves over to it voluntarily, either externally or internally, even if we have to endure sorrow for this struggle with sin. We must remain, although unworthy, weak, but still children, distant descendants of the great holy ascetics, carrying in our souls and hearts reverence and admiration for their great feat, as a certain ideal, although incomprehensible to us, but attracting us to itself. The delay and dissimilarity of punishment with our misdeeds lead some to disbelief in the truth of God. What will happen? How will it be? When will it be? If this and that happens, where should you turn? If this and that happens, where can we find spiritual support and consolation? Oh Lord, Lord! И недоумение лютое объемлет душу, когда хочешь своим умом все предусмотреть, проникнуть в тайну грядущего, неизвестного нам, но почему-то страшного. The mind becomes exhausted; His plans, the means he invents are a childhood dream, a pleasant dream. Проснулся человек – и все исчезло, сталкиваемое суровой действительностью, и все планы рушатся. Where is the hope? Hope is in God. Постарайся, чтобы бессмертная твоя душа жила жизнью воистину бессмертной, то есть в Боге и для Бога. Такая жизнь должна начаться еще здесь, на земле, и продолжаться уже во всей своей красе и блаженстве за гробом, в будущей жизни. Готовь себя к этой жизни, смиряйся, терпи, во всем полагайся на волю Божию, все свои поступки совершай по заповедям Евангелия, твори молитву Иисусову, положи «охрану устам» твоим ( Пс.140:3 ), беги не только дел, но и слов, и мыслей суетных, ввергающих человека в суету мира сего. Если кто желает, чтобы постигшая его скорбь была ему на пользу, тот должен винить в ней самого себя и больше никого. Everyone should think that they are suffering for their sins. Thus, he who thinks and humbly endures will receive the mercy of God. Кто будет винить кого-либо другого, и потому немирствовать на него, тот выкажет этим свое неверие Богу – и сам до себя не будет допускать милости Божией. Let everyone's conscience tell him for himself whether he has sins or not. If there is, then let him only blame himself and remain silent, without judging or reproaching others. This is the spiritual law. It is necessary to thank the Lord for all His mercies that have been upon us, for when we give thanks for all past mercies and blessings, then, so to speak, we are preparing our soul to accept new blessings and mercies. Из этого ясно, что ропщущие и неблагодарные лишаются новых благодеяний Божиих. Fear this and always thank God for everything, for “with the Lord is mercy, and with Him is much deliverance” (Ps. 129:7). Никто не сможет утешить, если Господь не утешит. The Lord builds my salvation by sending this or that. Believing in the Providence of God that cares for me, I am afraid to direct my life according to my own understanding. I observe how my own will brings sorrow and difficulties to people. May the will be good and perfect! I entrust myself, my whole life, and everyone to her—acceptance of God’s will brings peace to my heart. I thank the Lord God that in my separation from those near and dear to me, that in my wandering through the desert of this world the Lord sends me from time to time good people, like-minded, unanimous - communication with them comforted and strengthened me spiritually. Thank God for everything.