77. Искушения со стороны домашних неприятностей. Покорность родителям как приготовление к монастырскому послушанию

God's mercy be with you! Here we go again! First the enemy wanted to make you an infidel, but now he’s making you a rebel, and against whom? Against parents. My God, what a grumbling letter of yours! What happened there?! That's right, the flea bit me. I guess in every possible way that this is some kind of trifle, that there is nothing to say about it. And in your head it is piled up in such a size that you can’t even glance at it. Everything is an enemy, everything is an enemy. He drives you out from under your parents' roof in order to break your head. So every little thing blows up into a mountain that overwhelms you. You can't describe what it is. I'll tell you in advance that there is nothing to describe. This is a common enemy trick - to confuse our mind with uncertainties. He knows how to cover up the sorrows he arouses and his stupid consolations so well with illusory appearances that, not seeing anything definite in them, they nevertheless think that they are something great. And I began to take it apart - everything would fall apart: there was neither grief nor consolation where the mountains indicated them. Everything is a lie. And now he has deceived you. Please cross yourself and spit on these enemy tips. Trouble, trouble! I'm sure there are none at all. But even if they really exist, is it really necessary to run away from them?! They must be endured graciously and with thanksgiving to the Lord. The enemy is inflaming you. When a warrior meets an enemy, does he need to run? We must fight. And you too. What are you doing? The enemy just showed his horns, causing some trouble, and you just run away. And don't think. From under the roof of your parents, after you have accepted the intention not to get married, you have only two options: either to a monastery or to a sister of mercy; one or the other - with the blessing of the parents themselves. Until then, neither one nor the other has worked out, sit at home and endure everything. Please stand before the Lord right now, sincerely repent of your bad confusion and make a firm decision: “I will wait, I will endure everything complacently. May Your will be done in everything, Lord!” I don’t know how you can disagree with your parents on anything? If this concerns judgment about something, then why don’t you concede this every time with humility? They are older than you and more experienced. You should rather admit an error in judgment to yourself than to assume it in them. So assume: “That’s right, I don’t see well” - and agree with their opinion. If this concerns any orders around the house, do it their way again, and that’s the end of it. If you can’t do something, explain that you can’t, and that’s the end of it. If, despite this, they insist, do your best. And I can’t think of anything so discordant with you that it can’t be reconciled. The enemy is making mountains out of molehills. Don't you really want everything to go the way you want? What a proud girl! Not only is it illegal for anything around the house, but even for yourself. Please dedicate yourself to complete obedience to your parents and do everything to please them in order to calm their spirit. This will be preliminary preparation for future monastic obedience or duty in the community of sisters of mercy. So the Apostle made it a law for everyone to obey “one another in the fear of God” (Eph. 5:21). And you try to contradict your parents and break up with them, without fearing God. What does it look like? In whose school did you learn such wisdom?! “Be careful,” I repeat to you, “how dangerously you walk” (Eph. 5:15)! God bless you! You might be interested in: