74. Наставление для рвущихся к монастырской жизни. Разные виды подвига безбрачной жизни. Терпеливое ожидание и домашнее подготовление к монастырской жизни

God's mercy be with you! You write: “Oh, if only sooner! Now I would fly away somewhere into the desert, so as not to see or hear anything.” No no. There is no hurry. Where there is haste and such zeal - quickly and quickly - that is not God’s work. Confused and good desires are not good and do not lead to good. God goes quietly, unnoticeably, but firmly. Pray and wait patiently, watching to see if the door to the exit opens. The Lord will arrange it in such a way that you yourself will not guess how everything will work out. Get engaged to the Lord now - within yourself before Him alone. And when to join the choir of His brides, let Him decide. Surrender yourself completely into His hands. You choose a monastery. But the monastery is not the only place for those who do not want to be bound by family ties. At first there were no monasteries at all. Those who decided to work for the Lord, without being bothered by everyday worries, set up a secluded cabin for themselves in their own home and lived in it, alienated from everything, in fasting, prayer and teaching in the Divine Scripture. Then, quite later, when it became inconvenient to live in houses, others began to go outside the cities and villages and lived there, some in a natural cave, some in tombs, some in a specially constructed cell like a hut. And after them, monasteries were established in order to live together and with common strength, and support themselves, and carry out the work of salvation through deliberate exploits. But even under them, others, deciding to devote their lives to the Lord in celibacy, did not enter a monastery, but doomed themselves to serve their brothers and sisters in hospitals, almshouses and hospices. All these kinds of life, formed at the very beginning in the Church of Christ, were no longer stopped, but always existed and still exist. And now, among the celibates, some are saved from home, while others go to a monastery, and others take up caring for the sick as sisters of mercy. And you can choose any of these types of life. And which one, we must wait and see which God will indicate. You correctly said that it is more convenient to escape in a monastery. There you can more quickly achieve purification of the heart and that state that is “joy in the Holy Spirit” (Rom. 14:17). Everything there is adapted to this. I think that due to the state of your health, the monastery is the most suitable place for you. Therefore, do not give up the thought of getting there in due time. The Lord will tell the time. Until then we must be patient. Until then, strive in the first kind of labor - that is, living at home. Have your own room - have it like a monastic cell and lead life there as if in a monastery. Let your father and mother be for you instead of abbess, let all of you be yours instead of monastery sisters, and let you be a permanent novice for everyone. You rush to the monastery as if to freedom and heaven. Exactly, there is complete freedom for the spirit, but not for the body and external affairs. In this regard, there is a complete connection, the law is urgent - not to have your own will. And there is paradise there, but it is not always found along a flowery road. It is truly there, but it is blocked by thorns and thorns through which one must get to it. No one achieves this without getting chipped and scratched. Keep this in mind, and correct your aspirations for freedom and paradise from the monastery. Wait patiently. Remember the governess! 15 She waited for seven years, testing the strength of her intentions. But the fire nun came out. What's the hurry? The monasteries will not go away. You will have time to get into one. Meanwhile, you will become stronger both in intention and in body. Everything in your home is pious. Both your parents and relatives are God-fearing people. You cannot tolerate anything that would be contrary to your decision to dedicate yourself to the Lord. And mature in such an atmosphere and in such a nursery. So it’s decided: wait. Gradually adapt your life and skills to those of the monastery. Letter "Explaining by Parables and Examples the Free Determination to Live by Grace." You might be interested in: