44. Предосторожности вступившему на истинный путь. Взыграние жизни весною. Отчего многие постившиеся не исправляются совершенно

Last time I showed you two or three small rules. Now I will point out two or three small precautions. First: never think that you have already succeeded in anything. Such is our weakness that as soon as something good appears inside, we immediately shout: “Here it is, we’ve achieved it!” Banish such thoughts. For good things are never given suddenly, but the enemy inspires them. Just give in to this suggestion, the energy will immediately weaken, and then disorder is close again. In order not to fall into this bad thought, every day, when you get up, set yourself up as if you were starting to work on this path for the first time. Second: do not allow yourself benefits under any circumstances. A day or two will pass in the labors of self-observation and self-compulsion - the enemy will come up and start buzzing in your ears: “Well, it will be, you worked hard, now give yourself a little break.” This is such a flattering suggestion that you won’t even suddenly think that you need to resist it, and yet it is so villainous that just give in to it a little, and everything inside will be agitated. Easing yourself is the same as a small hole in a dam. Once this hole appears, you won’t be able to hold the dam - the water will certainly blow it apart. Relaxation does the same thing inside us: everything will be marked out, so that the restoration of oneself will have to begin again all over again. Fear this as the most evil, albeit sweet-talking enemy. There are two particular cases when you should be wary of this. It's Easter time and spring. After all, with fasting we all more or less settle down. Why then doesn’t everyone survive? Because some people give themselves benefits on Easter, and some after it in the spring. On Easter you think: it’s a festive time, you can give yourself some freedom. Anyone who listens will go broke in good spirits. For, having given himself freedom, he no longer returns to self-restraint and begins to do “the will of the flesh and mind” in the old way (Eph. 2:3). Spring is a pleasant time, but how much evil it does in moral terms! Have you seen how the lambs, when they are driven out onto the grass, jump, bleat, and frolic? Why is this? Life plays. People feel a similar leap of life, not only the young, but also the old. There is nothing wrong here. This is an innocent feeling, but how people use it, it is not entirely sinless. Joy of life! Having felt it, we must thank the Lord that on earth, full of grief for our sins, He also left a place for joys, so that we would not fall into despair. What happens? They will not thank God, but will set out to prolong this joy, dissipate and return to their old ways. This joy or this leap of life is pleasant, but it is completely sensual, bodily, and the urges that arise from it are the same - sensual, bodily. You will want to look at what is pleasing to the eye, to hear what is pleasing to the ear, to smell what is pleasing to the sense of smell, to breathe the air, to be blown by a pleasant breeze - in general, to multiply pleasant sensory impressions. Whoever follows these urges will not sit within himself, but will certainly come out; then attention to oneself stops, thoughts, feelings and desires will again begin to seethe and enter into the same disarray. The thought of God will go away, and inner peace will disappear. The soul tormented by conscience will say: “Tomorrow I will not do this”; but tomorrow it’s the same again, the same thing the day after tomorrow, and then they give up. Life will go on again as it is. All the fruit of Lenten labors in ordering the soul will be lost. And this is for the sole reason that they were not careful and were not able to deny their feelings some pleasures, and while allowing others, they did not take care to keep their inner in due fear and, carried away by the external, left it (the inner) without attention. May the Lord protect you from this! A cautious thought has already occurred to you: “Well, you can’t resist!” If you definitely don’t resist, then God knows whether you will return to such decisive intentions. But know that, turning back, you will be much worse than you were when you did not start such a new life. The Savior compares such recurrent descents into disorder with the return of an old demon to an abandoned house again, but not just one, but with seven others. “And the last,” He concluded His parable, “will be worse than the first” (Matthew 12:45). May the Lord deliver you from this! After reading this, don’t say: “Oh, why did I start!” No no! Don't bother yourself. You have decided on what is right: on a kind of life in which you will, as you first wished, keep yourself at the level of human dignity. So do not humiliate your decision and do not insult the Lord as if He will leave you alone. He is in you with His grace. But if the Lord is in you, who can be against you? (Rom. 8:31). For “there is more who is in you than in the world” (1 John 4:4). Moreover, a life that is attentive to oneself is not such that, while depriving one of consolations, one does not give anything in return. On the contrary, this life, with the memory of God and following your conscience, in itself is an inexhaustible source of spiritual joys, compared to which earthly joys are like wormwood before honey, and you will have to deprive yourself of little from the external. Everything must happen inside. You can participate in everything and be alien to everything. One thing is happening externally, but something else is happening internally. So that's all (I mean the rules and warnings written in these two letters). Is it a lot? There is nothing much. And everything is so convenient and easy. And what a fruit, what a fruit! So, get inspired and make plans in advance to keep yourself as prescribed. Amen. You might be interested in: