31. Как поддерживать начавшееся стремление к доброй жизни. Духовное чтение и размышление. Записывание добрых мыслей. Как избегать блуждания мыслей при чтении и молитве. Непрестанное памятование о Боге и смерти. Самоукорение

So thank God! You write that you have a strong desire to draw closer to God. Bless, Lord! What else was I leading my entire speech to, if not to revive this desire in you? And kindle the fear of God in yourself. Know that when there is fear of God, it means that your spirit is alive and the grace of God is working in you. The first work of our spirit is the knowledge of God and the fear of God, and the main gift of God's grace is the spirit of the fear of God. He is the beginning, continuation, and completion of the path of the saved. He who has the fear of God, living and active, has within himself an inexhaustible force, moving towards everything pleasing to God, and at the same time, a cheerful guard, protecting him from enemy attacks and from his deviations to crossroads. Help you, Lord, to kindle and then always keep in strength this spirit of the fear of God! It is very kind that you devote some time in the morning to reading spiritual books. But who is it that is so unfavorable to you about this?! If you were to charge it in such a way that all there was to do was reading and prayer, of course, it would be something outstanding out of the ordinary, but just read a little and think - what’s special here?! As far as I know, all the pious and God-fearing people do this. I think your parents follow the same rule. This reading, together with the preceding prayer, strengthens the soul and gives it strength for the whole day. Doctors say: don’t go outside on an empty stomach. In relation to the soul, this is fulfilled by morning prayer and reading. The soul is nourished by them and no longer goes out to the affairs of the day. This is what even comes to my mind to offer you. Get a notebook and write down in it the thoughts that arise while reading the Gospel and other books, in this order: the Lord says this and that in the Gospel; From this it is clear that we need to do this and that; for me it is doable in such and such cases; I will do this; help, Lord! This work is small, but how much benefit it brings! Do it this way. The thought will sharpen and take wings. The Spirit moving in Scripture will move into your heart and quicken it. And this is oil for wounds! That thoughts run wild during reading and prayer - what to do? No one is free from this. But there is no sin here, but inappropriateness. It is a sin when someone self-willingly develops extraneous thoughts, but when they involuntarily run away, what is the fault? Guilt also occurs when someone, having noticed his thoughts wandering, continues to wander with them. And this is what you need to do: as soon as you notice a thought running away, immediately return it to its place. In order for there to be less wandering of thoughts during prayer, one must strain to pray with a warm feeling, and for this, in advance - before prayer - one must warm up the soul with meditation and bows. Get used to praying your own prayer. So, for example, the essence of evening prayer is to thank God for the day and for everything that is encountered during it, both pleasant and unpleasant; whatever bad thing has been done, repent of it and ask for forgiveness, promising to be correct the next day, and pray to God for protection during sleep. Speak all this to God from your thoughts and from your heart. The essence of morning prayer is to thank God for sleep and strengthening and to pray to Him to help us do things all day for His glory. And speak this to Him with your thoughts and from your heart. At the same time, both morning and evening, express to the Lord your deepest needs, especially spiritual, and even external, saying to Him childishly: you see, Lord, illness and infirmity! Help and heal! All this and the like can be expressed before God in your own words, without resorting to a prayer book. And maybe it will be better. Try it, if it works, you can leave the prayer book completely, but if it doesn’t work, you need to pray with the prayer book, because otherwise you can be left without prayer at all. In order for prayer according to the prayer book to collect thoughts and warm up the heart, for this, in your free time - in addition, when you are standing in prayer - sit down and think carefully about all the contents of the prescribed prayers and feel them. When you begin to read them after this during prayer, morning and evening, all those thoughts and feelings that you obtain through meditation will be renewed, will gather your attention and warm your heart. Never read prayers hastily. And one more thing: take the trouble to memorize the prayers. This greatly helps undistracted prayer. And you need to learn prayer, like any other thing. Get into the habit of not only thinking about God when you are standing in prayer, but every hour and minute, for He is everywhere. This will infuse peace into the soul, strength for deeds and ordering of affairs. Your current desire to draw closer to God will be completely fulfilled in this way. Just like someone who stands in the sun, he who remembers God always feels warm. Add to the remembrance of God the memory of death and eternity, blissful or bitter. These two remembrances will turn you away from everything bad, even in your thoughts, and direct you to everything good, not for show, but sincerely. It is in vain to think that mortal memory poisons life. It does not poison, but teaches one to be careful and abstain from everything that poisons life. If we remembered more about death, there would be less disorder in life, both private and general. You reproach yourself for your pride. Good, good. Watch for its manifestations and immediately flog it. Self-love wants to do everything for itself, but you do everything for the glory of God and the good of others, without keeping yourself in mind, without sparing yourself. After all, those who are proud outwardly, for the most part, do the same things as those who are not proud, only they are given a different direction and others have intentions with them. Our job is to straighten these intentions from self-loving to selfless, and then direct the matter along the same lines. And you need to learn this. Study, study. Bless, Lord! You want me to reproach you without pity. This won't be the case. But for now you stand before me pure and bright. And I can only wish that the Lord will forever preserve you as you appear to me; if you are not like that in reality, may he be pleased to make you so. You might be interested in: