27. Продолжение о ревности и решимости жить по благодати. Внутренняя центрособранность. Просветление оболочки души. Разные степени этого просветления

I am very pleased with your desire to be reborn. You were rushed by desire, but God bless you to elevate this desire to determination, and then translate your decision into a task that, in words, is not so complicated and long, but in its essential meaning should be the work of a lifetime. We’ll talk about this later on how to achieve resolution. Now I'll talk more about what happens at the end. The conscious bright end of any undertaking maintains the energy of forces in appropriate tension to complete it. Last time I wrote to you that we need to willingly give space to the grace of God, which we received in baptism, so that it, like leaven, penetrates our entire being in all parts and particles; then he added that from the time of baptism it immediately begins to act and, if it does not encounter interference, produces everything possible in the soul alone, in the hope that, having come to age, the soul will choose by its own will those beginnings of a Christian life pleasing to God, already laid down by grace. When, having come to age, someone becomes, through his consciousness and free choice, on the side of grace, then she teaches the person himself how to get along with himself and remake everything in himself, and does not deviate from him until he brings his work to the end, unless the person begins to resist it with his will. You now stand at that moment in life when your will and freedom have the choice to take the side of grace or the opposite of it. Let us assume that you chose the first and through the work of life reached the blissful end of a grace-filled life. In what form do you think your inner self will then be contemplated? Like a radiant star, spreading bright rays everywhere. That's how it is! Remember, you said that you couldn’t control your thoughts, and then you wrote that I had spoiled you with my speeches, that before everything was better for you, but when you began to peer into yourself at my direction, you see only disorder: thoughts, feelings, and desires - everything is out of order, and there is no strength to bring them into any order. Here's a solution to why this is so: there is no center. But there is no center, because with your consciousness and free choice you have not yet decided which side to take. The grace of God has hitherto introduced possible order into you, and it was and is in you. But from now on she will no longer act alone, but will wait for your decision. And if you do not take her side by your election and decision, then she will completely move away from you and leave you in the hands of your will. You will be rejected to the opposite side and, perhaps, you will even choose it with your heart, but do not expect that this direction will reduce the disorder within you. No, there will be even greater confusion and dishevelment there. Order within you will begin only when you take the side of grace and make the order of life in its spirit an urgent law of your life. From the moment such a decision is formed in you, a center is formed within you, and a strong center, which will begin to pull everything that exists in you towards itself. At the center of this will be grace that has taken possession of your consciousness and freedom, or your consciousness and freedom combined with grace. This is the same thing that was previously called resurrection, or restoration of the spirit. To this center, then, the grace of God will begin to draw all the other forces of your nature: both mental and physical - and direct all their activities, retaining in them what is good and destroying everything that is bad. This drawing of everything towards one center and the direction of everything towards it is the internal rebirth that you so eagerly desired. When this rebirth is completed, then everything - both small and great - will emanate from one center and the most perfect harmony will be established within, and the peace of God, surpassing all minds, will overshadow the inner church of your nature. “And the God... of peace will be with you” (2 Cor. 13:11)! What a delightful and blessed state! You are rushed with desire towards a thing very worthy of your desire. Now take the trouble to remember what was said about a certain subtle element everywhere, all penetrating and homogeneous with the shell of our soul. When the soul is outside of grace, its shell is either gloomy, like the darkest night, if someone indulges the passions and serves them; or sulfur, like an indefinite fog, when someone is not too devoted to passions, but lives in vanity. Under the influence of grace, as the soul is imbued with it, its shell gradually brightens, just as cloudy weather usually clears up. When the soul is completely imbued with grace, then its entire shell becomes bright and light. Just as everything internal in this case is pulled together to a single one, from which all local movements and actions emanate, then the brightness of the shell seems to emanate from the same center following spiritual actions. This is radiance. The inner being of the blessed shines like a star, not only with spiritual, but also with material light. This internal luminosity of such people often breaks out and is visible to others. Having been in St. Petersburg in the forties, I heard about this from some people and really wanted to see it with my own eyes. It happened to me to receive a monk in whom tangible effects of grace had already begun to manifest themselves. The conversation began about spiritual things. As he came into himself and his thoughts deepened, his face became lighter and brighter, and then everything became white, like snow, and his eyes sparkled. And they say about Father Seraphim of Sarov that he often became enlightened, especially during prayer in church, apparently for everyone. There are many legends about such manifestations in Fatherland books. It is written about one, for example, that as soon as he stood in prayer and raised his hands to the sky, beams of light flowed from all the fingers of both his hands over a wide area. About another it is said that his disciple came to him for something and knocked, there was no answer. He bent down to look into the hole and saw that the old man was standing all on fire, like a pillar of light. And there are many, many such tales. And I heard something similar about St. Tikhon when I was little. The Transfiguration of the Lord, when He appeared completely covered in light (Matthew 17:2), is of the same origin. Such radiance during the transition to another life is revealed naturally by itself, for then this gross body falls away and does not prevent it from being visible to others. I have already mentioned to you how Saint Anthony the Great, sitting one day and talking with his disciples, fixed his eyes on heaven and, looking contentedly, said: “I saw a pillar of light ascending from the earth to heaven. It was the soul of Ammonius that soared to the Lord.” Many such visions have been recorded. And it is certain that only those in whom the grace of God, having been received, has begun its action to some extent, will enter the Kingdom of Heaven, although it has not had time to penetrate the entire nature. Remember the parable of the ten virgins (Matthew 25:1-13). The five holy fools did not enter the palace because they did not have fire in their lamps. This means that, having accepted grace, like everyone else, they did not bother to warm it up in themselves and did not work on themselves to give it space to fully act in themselves. They extinguished grace - there was no light, for there was nowhere for it to come into us, except from grace. Imagine how amazed they were when they stood at the very door and were rejected, and heard the voice of the groom, only not calling, but driving away. Lord, have mercy! A bitter fate! Revolve this moment in your thoughts more often and take all your care at all costs to ensure that something similar does not happen to you again. 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