Часть 6. В пяток седмицы первой Великого поста

On the heel of the first week of Great Lent (contrition for sins is not a simple feeling: the limit of heartfelt contrition for sins is the firm intention not to offend God with your sins anymore) Last time I told you that the essence of fasting is contrition for sins with the firm intention not to offend the Lord with them, and that when this happens, our Confession will be effective and Holy Communion will be saving. Now I will tell you more definitely about these two dispositions, in order to see whether they are exactly what they should be in us, and thereby receive reliable confirmation that our fasting, Confession and Holy Communion will finally bear their saving fruit. Contrition for sins is not a simple feeling, but is composed of several feelings. The basis is the unpleasant feeling of realizing that, having indulged in sin, we have found ourselves in a very bad state. This feeling is modified later, judging by which side of sin the repentant sinner turns his attention to. When, based on a feeling, he turns to himself, he is annoyed with himself and with his evil arbitrariness: why did he succumb to passion and why did he lean into the suggestion of temptation when he could have resisted and averted trouble? When he turns to sin itself, he no longer sees in it the charm with which it is covered when he falls into it, but sees it as ugly and disgusting and begins to abhor it and turn away from it. When he turns to other people - members of the body of the Church, he is ashamed that, not being benefited from anything in comparison with them, he has so disgraced himself with obscene deeds. When he turns to God, he either blames himself, regrets and grieves that he has offended such a merciful Lord with his sins, or he is filled with fear for his temporary and eternal fate at the thought of justice, which sometimes so visibly punishes sinners. A sinner who has sincerely recognized his sins and condemned himself for them, having entered into himself, moves from one of these feelings to another and arranges in his heart weeping and lamentation about sins, like the weeping of Jeremiah at the ruins of Jerusalem or the Jews at the rivers of Babylon (Ps. 136). Annoyance with oneself, disgust with sin, shame, fear, “sorrow... according to God” (2 Cor. 7:10) and repentance of oneself before Him in the matter of repentance and washing oneself with tears of contrition are similar to the various techniques used in our everyday life when washing unclean linen, and for a conscientious worker they soon reach their measure and produce their effect in his heart. It is necessary to know, however, that not all these feelings have the same value: pain over sins out of fear of eternal torment, out of shame in front of others, because of the disgustingness of sin with annoyance at one’s own will is pain of the lowest dignity - imperfect, but pain about sins because they offend our All-Good Lord is pain of the highest dignity - perfect. The Holy Apostle calls it “sorrow... according to God” and attributes to him the creation in us of “unrepentant repentance” (2 Cor. 7:10), or a decisive intention not to sin. It is to this sadness that one must raise one’s repentant lament, or use it to complete one’s repentant feelings. It cannot be said that those imperfect feelings do not mean anything: they do their job in repentance, but one should not dwell on them. You can use them as preliminary preparation, as a means to somehow soften a hardened heart, and then from them and through them, the heart, already accustomed to lamenting about sins, must be transferred to “sorrow ... according to God.” This is the end. Only “sorrow... for God” makes our pain about sins pleasing to God and attracts from Him the grace of pardon. Only she lays a firm foundation of determination not to sin. Outside views here move away and the heart begins to be enlivened by love for God, which gives him the courage to set an intention and vow not to offend the merciful God with his sins, since it constitutes a force that cannot be overcome by any sinful inclinations. Achieve this and take care, you deplorable sick people, about your sins! Don't think that this is work that you can't do. Just take this turn on your innermost work: recreate more strongly the consciousness of God’s great benefits to us and put against it the thought of what ingratitude we show when we sin. As much as it is natural for us to feel gratitude, it is just as natural for us to feel sadness if we fail to please our benefactors. So you will have “sadness... for God,” sadness that you have offended God, from Whom we constantly receive only mercies and Who is ready not only to prolong them, but also to increase them for all eternity and strengthen them for us. Hurry up to do this, because those feelings - shame, fear, annoyance - if left alone, develop one joyless morbidity, which, perhaps, can completely cloud us and push us to the line of despair. “Sadness” “according to Bose,” despite all the pain, pours joy and fills the heart with the hope of mercy. For it is aroused by the consciousness of God’s love for us and is accepted by our love for God, which, despite all our guilt, teaches us to see in God a child-loving Father who takes pity on His faulty children and is always ready to have mercy on them when they return to Him with repentance. “Sorrow... for God,” supported by faith and enlivened by love, makes us feel the infinity of God’s mercy towards us, according to which, even if our sins multiply more than the hair of the head or even more than the sand of the sea, God is ready to forgive them to anyone who sincerely repents of them. Cain and Judas lacked this feeling, and they died in despair. From which may the merciful Lord save us all, may He save us both from petrified insensibility and from its disastrous despair! May He grant us both deep contrition and heartache before Him for the sins that offend Him, and at the same time the comforting hope of pardon! If someone asked: “How can we know that we have grieved enough for our sins or that heartfelt contrition for them has had an effect in us?”, we will answer: “The limit of heartfelt contrition for sins is the firm intention not to offend God with our sins anymore. Such an intention is a direct cry of contrition and means that our contrition was sincere, complete and pleasing to God. In turn, this intention has the opposite effect on contrition: it quenches its burning sensation and softens it, and the trustworthiness of pardon revives and elevates it. Everything in repentance is connected one to another in an unbroken chain, therefore do not be content with feelings of sorrow, but at the same time, as you grieve, force yourself to forsake sins, being determined not to fall into them again and not to put yourself in such a sorrowful and painful state. What patient, having learned the cause of the disease, does not immediately decide to eliminate this cause in every possible way? Who, having stumbled over a stone and broken, will not make a vow not to walk that way again? Thus, whoever feels the pain of sins and realizes how they destroyed him will not take long to unravel, but will immediately put an end to his love of sin. Immediately, when he becomes pained by sins, he will bring to mind all the sinful cases and, seeing what, where the mistake was, will decide to avoid them in every possible way, determining the very way to do this. “For example, I was in such and such a house and fell into this sin: I will no longer go there. I became friends with such and such people and they taught me this: I will now break all ties with them. I set out on such and such fun and this is what happened: now I will never allow myself to do that.” Thus, reviewing his entire sinful life, a person who sincerely repents and grieves over his sins sets good intentions, how, where, what to correct throughout the entire space of his life, so as not to fall into sins, and immediately makes orders and procedures in accordance with such intentions, saying to himself: “Even if I die, I will certainly not follow those paths that led me to such a disastrous state.” Just as someone who, feeling shortness of breath in a stuffy room, quickly runs out to get some fresh air, or like someone who has become unbearably tight in a tight dress throws it off at the first opportunity, so a sinner, pained by his sins, throws off the burden of them and quickly runs from the unclean and corrupting house of sin into the pure and spacious region of God-pleasing life. The one who finally forms such orders and impulses in his heart will become a perfect fast-monger. Such a person will not hesitate later in Confession and will not hide his sins, but with desire he will throw them all out of himself, like some kind of poison. Whoever confesses in this way will approach the Chalice of the Lord clean and will worthily receive communion of the Holy Mysteries of Christ. And whoever is worthy of this will receive the Lord into himself and with Him all the strength “for life and godliness” (2 Pet. 1:3), and will continue to live in the present age piously, chastely and righteously. May our Lord and Savior arrange all of you so that you are worthy to receive this indescribable treasure! Amen. On the heel of the first week of Lent (wait for the Lord in reverent silence: get ready to meet him, accept him and rest within yourself in a worthy manner) “Repent, for the Kingdom of God is drawing near” (Matthew 4:17). This is what the Lord said about His appearance on earth, about the fact that He, the King of the saving Kingdom, has already come and dwells among people. About this, admonishing the inquisitive, another time He said: “Behold... the Kingdom of God is within you” (Luke 17:21). But then He was outwardly among people, only laying out and arranging ways for inner indwelling in them. Now, in those who, by living faith through the Holy Sacraments, enter into communion with Him, He enters inside - into their hearts - and there He reigns as the desired and saving King. For he says: “He who eats My Flesh and drinks My Blood abides in Me, and I in him” (John 6:56). And those who have been worthy of this good confess: “I live as no one, but Christ lives in me” (Gal. 2:20). This longed-for reign of Christ the Savior within us has come closer to you, brothers! Now, only half a day is left until the minute when you accept the Lord into yourself: get ready to meet Him, accept Him and rest within yourself in a worthy manner. The Lord will enter into you invisibly. Enter into yourself and put everything in order: sweep away all the dust of empty and idle thoughts with sighs and guard yourself with thoughts of God, wash away all impurity of sinful feelings and dispositions with tears, guard yourself with holy sobriety, correct and restore everything that has been damaged and broken by falls with sincere repentance and protect yourself with holy zeal for the fulfillment of the commandments. Let in more light through the windows of sincere and unshakable faith in contemplating the mysteries of the Economy of our salvation. Fragrance the church of your heart with the aromas of prayers and warm aspirations of feelings towards God, and moreover, prepare a dear and dear resting place for Him in unfeigned, completely and completely devoted love to Him. Having settled in this way, gather even deeper within yourself - and wait for the Lord in reverent silence, with desire and fear, with ardent zeal and cheerful attention. Don't fuss and don't entertain yourself with anything external. Preserve in every possible way this warm inner abiding, which you have acquired through fasting and prayers and which has especially overshadowed you or will overshadow you after a full and sincere Confession. Just take care of one thing: prepare gifts for the Lord and arrange them all in proper places. He does not accept gifts from outside: look for them in yourself and, as He Himself gives Himself to you, then you too, with all the powers of your nature, prepare to sacrifice Him. Be prepared to offer Him, first of all, your face - consciousness and freedom, so that you can disappear in Him and submit to His sole will in everything. And put this gift - the highest - in first place under the saints. Then, on the right side, place your readiness to devote all the powers of the soul to the Lord: the mind with the promise to have it as a faithful guardian of the truths brought to earth by the Lord, the will with all desires, dispositions, promising not to give it freedom to go beyond the limits outlined by the Lord’s commandments, the heart with all feelings and sympathies, promising to drown out in it every taste for the carnal, impure, passionate and to cultivate one taste for what is pure, holy and heavenly. On the left side, place your readiness to devote all the strength of the body to the Lord, promising all abstinence from sensual pleasures, preservation of the senses of sight and hearing, curbing the tongue, binding free movements, moderation in food, sleep and rest, indolence in work, avoidance of empty entertainment and all-round sedateness of behavior. Having prepared all this within yourself and arranging it in a God-appropriate manner, keep yourself intensely attentive, kindling in your heart a warm and desirable aspiration for the Lord, making only one consideration, how to receive the Lord for the first time when he approaches and enters. Know that this is accomplished by Divine worship of Him, which must express and fulfill the entire being of man, and, knowing this, prepare for this by doing preliminary experiments and exercises in this. This is all the preparation for meeting the Lord! Now trust yourself according to this instruction, which is not a list of arbitrarily invented provisions: and if it turns out that something is missing, fill it in - there is still time. Show all diligence and all care in this matter, especially trying to avoid negligence, coldness and mechanical execution of the external order of actions. When there is zeal and care for the most worthy reception of the Lord, then He will not demand if He does not find something prepared, this zeal is accepted in place of what is missing, and when there is no zeal, everything will be for nothing, as it happens among us that a magnificent reception with only cold formality does not satisfy the visitor and does not give him pleasure. If for some reason the soul begins to persist in something, you put it in the cramped conditions in which the good Providence of God has placed us in relation to Holy Communion, in driving away sleep, laziness and the drowsiness of carelessness. Explain to her: “Don’t you want to die? Go take communion, for the Lord said with confirmation: “Amen, amen, I say to you: unless you eat the Flesh of the Son of Man, you do not drink His Blood, you have no life in you” (John 6:53). But take communion with due preparation, for if you do not do this, your communion will not be for salvation, but for destruction, as the Apostle teaches, saying: “He who eats... and drinks unworthily, judges himself to eat and drink, without discerning the Body of the Lord” (1 Cor. 11:29).” So, we are cramped by both: if you don’t receive communion, you won’t have “Belly”; if you receive communion “unworthy,” you will receive communion to your own condemnation. What remains to be done? Prepare properly. Is it difficult? After all, it is not necessary to rearrange mountains, but to make changes in thoughts, feelings, dispositions, words and deeds, which are all in our hands. It depended on us that something bad had crept into them: how can it depend not on us to throw away this bad thing? If you did something bad, decide to stop and start doing it well. If you were thinking badly, decide to stop and start thinking well. The dispositions were bad - decide to cancel them and strain towards good dispositions. What kind of work is there? One wish - and everything will come true! Good would require a multitude of deeds already accomplished, and a multitude of all good things, heartfelt and mental, already acquired, could still be excused, otherwise no: the Lord is content with one good intention to henceforth move away from evil and do good. Even if you were full of sins, as soon as you repented of everything and made a firm intention to please the Lord in everything, you are ready. Proceed, bringing to the Lord this determination alone to devote all of yourself, all your strength and all your life for the future to Him alone. Having accomplished this, let us boldly approach the throne of grace, not disturbing ourselves with false fears and not destroying ourselves with unreasonable insolence. The Lord comes with mercies: let us desire Him. It comes not to judge, but to forgive, not to punish, but to have mercy, not to strike, but to heal and restore. Uniting with the soul, He will fill it with His goodness. May the merciful Lord make you wise both to seek Him and to receive Him so that, having entered, He will celebrate with you and you with Him (Rev. 3:20)! Amen. On the heel of the first week of Lent (how we should position ourselves and act in order to worthily begin the Holy Mysteries) Now there are not even a day left until that great moment when you will receive the Lord into yourself. Rejoice and have fun! But at the same time, do not forget that since this minute is the most precious in your life, it requires all your attention and all caution. The Lord Himself wants to give himself to you and bring His gifts with Him. Just as it is unreasonable not to take advantage of this tuna (gift) of the grace offered, it is just as criminal to begin to accept it in a way that is not worthy. “He who eats and drinks unworthily, eats and drinks judgment for himself, without discerning the Body of the Lord” (1 Cor. 11:29). You know this and, of course, everyone, according to your strength, strives to show yourself worthy for salvation to receive the Lord coming to you, in His Holy Mysteries. I believe that even now you are busy with the same thing, and I want to approach your thoughts with my word and, together with you, explain in detail how we should position ourselves and act in order to worthily approach the Holy Most Pure Mysteries of Christ. Let us begin from this very moment and let us go step by step until we approach the very Chalice of the Lord, defining throughout the whole process a saving image of mood and action. At the very first movement, the holy Apostle Paul meets us with his brief but strict instruction: “Let man tempt himself, and thus let him eat of the bread, and let him drink of the cup” (1 Cor 11:28). “Let him tempt... himself”: let him test whether he is worthy, and in this confidence he must approach the Holy Mysteries, for if he approaches “unworthily”, there will be “judgment for himself” to eat and drink (1 Cor. 11:29). Ah, brothers! Fear brings this word to the sinful soul. For who can say that he is definitely worthy to begin the Lord’s Table? How many sins! How much uncleanness! How many obvious insults to the Lord! It is scary to approach, but it is also unsafe not to approach, for if we do not taste the Flesh of the Lord and drink His Blood, we do not have Life in ourselves (John 6:53). It's too close for both of us. What shall we do? Let us throw ourselves into the arms of the most merciful Lord, crying out to Him: “Merciful Savior! Spare us, the unworthy, and cover our unworthiness with Your mercy!” However, do not worry too much, brothers, so as not to disturb yourself with empty fears. The Lord is offended not only if someone who is unprepared boldly approaches the Chalice, but also if someone indiscriminately torments himself with disordered timidity. The merciful Lord does not bind us with impossible conditions and requires little from us, which everyone can fulfill without difficulty if they want. “Who,” says Saint Demetrius of Rostov, “has confessed his sins completely, without hiding anything, who regrets them, weeps and repents, who has the will and indispensable intention not to return to sin, but to guard himself dangerously from any fall, who through fasting and prayer and other deeds of piety has strained himself, appeasing the Lord, who has made peace with everyone and with no one he has left his enmity aside, he is worthily prepared “and let him eat from the bread and drink from the cup” (1 Cor. 11:28)!” If all this has been accomplished by you or will be accomplished, confidently approach the Lord with childlike, humble boldness. We are sinners, sinners all around us, but the Lord came to save sinners. It is not sins that are an obstacle, but persistence in sins and unrepentance. If this is the case, don’t proceed! The sins mourned, confessed and resolved are no longer in you, or not on you. They are the same as branches cut off from a tree: when we loved sins, they were living branches on the tree of our life and fed from it, but when we turned away from them, began to abhor them, repented and confessed - by this action we cut them off from ourselves. At the moment of resolution they fell away from us. Now these are dry branches and the Lord is coming to burn these thorns of sins in us. So, let your primary concern be to acknowledge your sins, mourn, confess and make a firm intention to leave them behind. Whether this has already been done by you or will now be done, give thanks to the Lord. Through the resolution of sins, He prepares for Himself in us an abode worthy of Himself, cleansed and marked. To this main action, it remains to add one more thing later - to keep your attention undistracted and your heart serene... Beware of distraction and confused worries. If ordinary affairs have been abandoned for the whole week, then it is all the more imperative not to touch them now and, having distanced yourself from everything, enter into yourself and remain there with one thought about the Lord who is about to come to you. Stop all movement of extraneous thoughts and, contemplating the One Lord, pray to Him with an intelligent, terse prayer, each saying to himself: “Do not cast me away, O Lord, from Thy presence (Ps. 50:13)! Do not disdain me, who have offended You greatly! Do not exclude me from Your Table as if I were unclean! “Live me according to Thy word” (Ps. 119:25)! Visit me according to Thy mercy, even if I am unworthy! Come to me, who is perishing, and save me!” Or just repeat one word: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me!” Or, without words in your heart, fall at His feet, the mercy of tea! This alone could limit all the current preparatory work. But, if the thought is not strong to remain in this one thing, give it something to do with thinking about Communion itself and, so that it does not wander too much, bind it with the words of the Lord and the holy Apostles about this Sacrament. Let him listen to what the Lord said. Let him learn from what the Apostles said, and thus build up his soul. “I am the living bread,” says the Lord, “who came down from heaven; whoever eats this bread will live forever; But the bread that I will give is My flesh, which I will give for the life of the world... Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the Flesh of the Son of Man and drink His Blood, you will not have life in you. He who eats My Flesh and drinks My Blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For My Flesh is truly food, and My Blood is truly drink. He who eats My Flesh and drinks My Blood abides in Me, and I in him” (John 6:51, 53–56). Think about this and learn! Or take what the Lord said at the Last Supper: “Take, eat: this is My Body... drink from it, all of you, for this is My Blood” (Matthew 26:26-28). Or what the Apostle taught: “Therefore, whoever eats this bread or drinks this cup of the Lord unworthily will be guilty of the Body and Blood of the Lord” (1 Cor. 11:27), and other things that I cited at the beginning of the conversation. Give any of these sayings to your mind, and let it reason, draw edification from it and dispose itself to contrite prayer. When prayer comes, fall before the Lord mentally or physically, and do not give up on prayer while there is prayer. If your prayer fades or weakens, warm it up with meditation and pray again. So, be sure to spend the rest of this day in contemplation and prayer, and especially in the evening, until you calm down with sleep. Behold, the morning will come. As soon as you open your eyes, quickly take hold of your thoughts and hasten to resurrect in it the consciousness of the greatness of the day that has come for you - the most blessed day in the days of your life, saying to yourself: “This day, which the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad on it! Easter has come for my soul!” But don’t fuss and don’t have a lot of fun, hurry up to gather your thoughts again and set your attention on “one thing... that is needed” (Luke 10:41-42) - on what has to be with you and for you. And in this spirit, prepare for the Divine Liturgy in the holy church, hastening to it, say to yourself: “Behold, the Bridegroom is coming, let us go out to the meeting!” (Matthew 25:6). And walk so that the lamp lit in your heart does not go out. Watch out! The enemy will try in every possible way to extinguish this lamp by imposing some unkind state on the soul, or distraction of thoughts, or concern for something, or dissatisfaction with something, or displeasure with someone, and the like. Any of these movements brings confusion into the soul and upsets it. Keep your attention and appeal to the Lord of your mind and heart and avoid this stumbling block. So, keeping a good mood, you will enter the church of the Lord. While staying here, feel as if you were in the Upper Room of Zion, among the Apostles, whom the Lord Himself communed! For here, as there, He “is the doer” (Phil. 2:13), He is the one who is distributed, He is also the one who distributes. He is what you have to partake of, He is the one who partakes. The sacramental one is only His organ. The sacred rite will be the preparation of a meal just for you. What is being prepared is the Most Pure Body and the Most Pure Blood of the Lord, and the One Who Prepares is the Lord. Listen, and stand with fear and reverence. Pay attention, more than ever, to everything you read and understand, and direct everything towards the thought that the Lord is preparing a saving Supper for you, and warm up the feelings and dispositions corresponding to this, offering them as a sacrifice in your heart to the Lord All-Seeing. Warm up faith in the actual presence in the Holy Mysteries of the Lord and Savior Himself, Who, sitting in Heaven in Glory at the right hand of God and the Father, dwells here invisibly and secretly deigns, under the guise of bread and wine, to be given to the faithful to prepare them for heaven. From this same faith, proceeding and mentally contemplating the Lord coming from Heaven to visit you, cry out in self-abasement, following the example of the righteous Elizabeth, visited by the Matter of the Lord: “Where do we get this, that the Lord Himself wants to come to us?” (Luke 1:43). Or in the words of the prophet David: “What is man... that you visit him?” (Ps.8:5). Or the centurion: “We are not worthy, let us come under our roof” (Matthew 8:8). Then move from self-abasement to filial fear, which does not tear away, but brings reverent sobriety and places our spirit in the state of the disembodied, covering their faces in fear, but not running from the Throne of God, but only crying out loudly: “Holy! Holy! Holy!” (Isa. 6:2–3). For truly the Lord is here. And the Lord will come into you. What soul would not be ready to cry with the Apostle Peter: “Depart... I am a sinner” (Luke 5:8), if, according to the commandment of the Lord, this very sinfulness did not oblige both to seek and to look forward to this visitation of the Lord? It is by this will of the Lord that you be inspired to boldly desire, thirst for the Lord, and with some swiftness, impatience and uncontrollability rush to accept Him, as quickly as the “tree” runs “to the springs of water” (Ps. 41:2), remembering the word of wisdom that says: “Come, taste the bread that I have prepared for you, and drink the wine that I have mixed for you” ( Proverbs 9:5), and the word of the Lord Himself, calling: “Thirst for him to come to Me!” (John 7:37). “Behold, we thirst, Lord,” say in your heart, “and we flow confidently towards Your bounty! Show mercy to us, O Most Merciful One, and grant to our souls health like the sick, cleansing like the lepers, light like the darkened, strength like the paralyzed, consolation for the sorrowful, peace for the troubled! We hope, Lord, that all this will come to us together with our acceptance of You, the Source of all good things!” From this same aspiration, which will not put you to shame, again turning to yourself and your readiness to meet and receive the Lord, testifying, again warm up your heartfelt contrition and the promise not to indulge sin, even if you had to die for it, and, mourning the past, pray to the Lord Himself to wash, cleanse, whiten you into a bright home for Himself, crying out to Him: “Wash me above all from iniquity mine and from my sin, cleanse me!.. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a right spirit in my womb!” (Ps.50, 4, 12). So, moving from one feeling to another: from faith to self-abasement, from self-abasement to fear, from fear to desire, from desire to hope, from hope to contrition, you will compose within yourself a shabby song that will delight the Lord and attract the attention of the celestials! In this gracious mood and heavenly overshadowing, finally approach the Cup of the Lord, which was in vain, worship the Lord approaching you, calling out with the Apostle Thomas: “My Lord and my God!” (John 20, 28). And, having opened your lips and heart, accept the Lord humbly and reverently, praying to Him with sober thoughts in the words of St. Demetrius: “Come in, my Light, and enlighten my darkness! Come down, my Belly, and resurrect my deadness! Come, my Physician, and heal my sores! Come, O Divine Fire, and the thorns of my sins have fallen, and kindle my heart with the flame of Thy love! Come, my King, sit on the throne of my heart and reign in me - You are my only King and Lord!” Prepare yourself to meet the Lord, and He will undoubtedly enter into you and delight with you in your heart (Rev. 3:20). Then you will not ask, “Who is it that teaches you” (1 John 2:27), for the one Teacher of all will be in you. Hear Him with the ear of your heart and imprint His words on the charter of your mind. He will teach you everything, just take care to keep Him within yourself with all the care and all the attention, offering Him the one thing that He wants to see in you. Amen. You might be interested in: