Message to my wife

In the essay “Epistle to the Wife” (200-206), Tertullian looks at marriage as a divine institution and defends the integrity and indissolubility of the marital union. The work consists of two parts. In the first part (8 chapters), Tertullian gives his wife advice in the event of his death not to enter into a second marriage, but as a widow to lead a life pleasing to God. The second marriage is reprehensible and is in conflict with the commandment of God and with the idea of ​​marriage. In the second part (9 chapters) Tertullian says that marriage with a pagan is unacceptable, since such a marriage does not sanctify grace, and it poses a danger to faith. In conclusion, Tertullian depicts the happiness of the marriage of Christian spouses: they are like children of one Father, like slaves of one Lord; they are two in one flesh: where the flesh is one, there the soul is one; they pray together, kneel together, fast together, mutually encourage and guide each other. *The title of the essay in Latin is Ad uxorem. My dear friend in the service of the Lord! I encouraged you to think usefully about what you should do if I leave this world before you. I bequeath my advice to you, and I invite you to follow them. We are always quite concerned with our temporary goods, and do not fail to make wills about giving them up in favor of those we love. Isn't it better for us to take care of the spiritual well-being of our offspring, and to teach them, in addition to good examples, good advice for acquiring the inheritance of the kingdom of heaven? Sincerely desiring that you take advantage of my admonitions, I pray to my God, to whom be honor, glory and worship forever and ever. I begin by suggesting that, to the extent possible, you do not enter into a second marriage. Do not think that this advice comes from my egoism. I have no other benefit from this than to strengthen your own happiness, because the resurrection does not give us the right to expect in the next century a second union of spouses who “neither marry nor are given in marriage, but remain as the angels of God in heaven” (Matthew 22.30), as the Lord Himself testified, answering the Sadducees to their question: who will own the wife who was married to seven brothers? On the day of judgment, not one of these men will be offended by that, not one will reproach her for that. Therefore, do not think that I advised you to remain a widow out of a desire to preserve your body in purity for myself. No shameful pleasure will then be revived for us: it is not such vain bliss that the Lord promised His servants. I just want to show that my advice cannot but be useful both to you and to other wives in similar circumstances. We are very far from condemning the union of husband and wife, a union blessed by God and necessary for the preservation of the human race and for the population of the world throughout time, if only this union is sanctified once. Adam was one husband of Eve, and Eve was one wife of Adam, because God took her alone from his side. I know that the patriarchs had several wives and also had concubines. But although the synagogue was the prototype of our church; however, there were many things contained in it that were commanded, or at least allowed, that should have been abolished by the new law. The new law was expected precisely because the old one was not perfect. The Word of God had to come to clothe us with spiritual circumcision. Thus, the permissions and very omissions of the first revelation showed that the law had to be perfected, and this was fulfilled by our Lord in the Gospel and by His Apostle in the Epistles, where everything unnecessary was abolished and everything confusing was explained. If I am talking about the freedom of ancient times and the correction that followed: then one should not conclude from this that Christ came to separate spouses and destroy the marriage union, as if from the time of His coming every marriage was lawless. This can only be affirmed by heretics who, among other errors, believe that it is necessary to separate those who have copulated into one flesh, and thereby rebel against the One who, having extracted from the husband the substance to create a wife, instilled in both the desire to unite in marriage. Nowhere do we read that marriage is prohibited, because it in itself is a good thing. The apostle teaches us only that there is something better than marriage. By allowing it, he prefers abstinence to it. He allows marriage because of the tricks of the tempter; but prefers single life, as the purest state. Considering his arguments, we see that permission to marry is based purely on necessity. And since necessity reduces the price of what is legitimized, it is said: “It is better to marry than to be inflamed” (1 Cor 7.9). The question is: is that thing truly good that is offered only because it is preferred to a much worse thing? If it is better to get married, it is only because it is worse to get inflamed. How many times better would it be not to get married and not get excited? During persecution, it is better to take advantage of Christ’s permission to flee from city to city (Matthew 10.23), rather than allow yourself to be taken and tormented, so that later you may renounce the faith amidst executions. But flight is good only in comparison with apostasy. Those who renounce the faith lose the dignity they acquired when confessing it. I can even say that what is allowed in itself is not good, because permission casts doubt on the quality of the action. Permission is not given for something that is obviously good. There are many things that should not be sought because they are not prohibited, especially when they are in some way condemned through preference for other things. Preferring a single life means almost the same thing as condemning marriage. Do not say that an action is good just because it is not bad, nor that it is not bad when in itself it is not harmful. True good, preferable to all this, is not only harmless, but also useful. We must prefer what is positively useful to everything that has no other merit except that it is harmless: the first leads you to battle, and the last will give you perhaps peace, but not victory. Let us forget the last words of the Apostle, and let us remember only the first, if we want the best. If he does not make them a duty to us, then at least he shows the appearance of it, saying: “An unmarried man cares about the Lord’s things, how to please the Lord; But a married man cares about the things of this world, how to please his wife” (1 Cor 7.32–33). Nowhere does he speak about marriage without adding that he would like “everyone... to be like him” (1 Cor 7.7), while remaining single. Happy is he who follows his example! We read in the Gospel that “the flesh... is weak,” and we submit to our desires; but it also says that “the spirit is willing.” Both are contained in one phrase: “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak,” says the Savior (Matthew 26.41). The flesh is earthy and material; and the spirit is of heavenly origin. Why do we try to excuse ourselves by defending ourselves with what is weak in us, instead of relying on what is strong in us? Why do we force our earthly part to submit to our heavenly part? If the spirit is cheerful, and it is cheerful because it is of the noblest origin, then the fault is ours when we are carried away by the flesh, our weakest part, which should not rule, but submit. Two major human weaknesses make marriage necessary for those who are not yet married: first, the most fascinating, the lust of the flesh, and then the lust of the world. The lust of the flesh fights for the needs of nature; seeks the harvest of glory; feeds on his shame; assumes that the wife needs a husband in order to protect her, console her and protect her from all sorts of troubles. When you hear such arguments from someone, then give him as an example our sisters, who, disgraced by the Lord, put their virginity above these arguments and holiness above marriage. They made their choice, became spouses and daughters of their God; live and talk with Him; They do not leave Him day or night; Having brought their prayers to Him as a dowry, they expect from Him grace and mercies as a marriage gift, which they are always rewarded with. They chose the good part, and, having refused to marry on earth, are already considered in the family of angels. May this example of competition instill in you, and may it strengthen you in abstinence; may all carnal lust be swallowed up in divine love: for these temporary and transitory wishes you will receive a heavenly, endless reward. On the other hand, the lust of this world has its source in vain glory, love of money, ambition, worldly shortcomings: this is what, apparently, often makes marriage necessary. They put heavenly things aside, they want to be mistresses of someone else’s house, to enjoy their husband’s wealth, to take advantage of their superiority in order to attract respect to themselves not based on their own merits. May all these thoughts be far from believers! They should not take care of their future, unless unfortunately they do not trust the promises of the providence of God, which “clothes the lilies of the field,... feeds... the birds of the air,” and does not command them to “take care,” “because the pagans are looking for all this, and because your heavenly Father knows that you have need of all this.” (Matthew 6.26-34). It is true that God does not give them any heavy things. gold necklaces, no magnificent and restless clothes, no Gali slaves, no German porters, or everything that instills in girls such a desire to marry; but He provides them with everything they need, and this is enough for decency and moderation. Think thoroughly about the fact that you will not need anything when you submit to the Lord, or better yet, you will have everything, possessing Him. mercies, and everything earthly will seem contemptible to you. A widow who submits to the will of God has no need for anything other than constancy to remain inseparably with God. There are people who marry for offspring, and are motivated by the desire to have children, sometimes a very bitter desire. This thought should always be far from a Christian. Why desire to have children when, having them, we want them to quickly leave this evil age to receive the kingdom of heaven, just as the Apostle himself desired this for himself? Are children necessary for the servants of God, as if it were not enough for them to be vigilant about their own salvation? They are looking for a burden that the pagans themselves are burdened with, and which they should fear all the more because it endangers faith itself. Why did the Lord say: “Woe to them that are with child and to them that suckle in those days” (Matthew 24.19)? Is it not so that on the day of judgment children will be a great burden to us, which should be attributed to marriage? Widows are much more likely to respond to the call of the angel's trumpet. In this world, nothing prevents them from being subjected to the cruelty of persecution: they do not worry about the child that is still moving in the womb, or that is swaying in their arms. Thus, whoever marries for the flesh, for the world or for posterity, in any case clearly sees that none of these motives can befit a Christian: at least it is enough to fall into one of these temptations once. Christians are getting married now every day, and will continue to get married, when suddenly the great day comes, which will overtake them, as Sodom and Gomorrah were overtaken. Probably, the inhabitants of these godless cities were then engaged in more than just marriage and trade. Although Scripture says: “they ate, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they built” (Luke 17.28); but it names here only the two main vices of this age, which turn most of God’s servants away from their duties: it names lust and love of money. Their general blindness and corruption was the cause of their death. What will happen when we, Christians, begin to indulge in passions that the Lord abhors? “The time is already short,” it is said (1 Cor 7.29). It remains to be married, as if “having no... wives” (ibid.). When married people should be as if they did not have wives, then even more so should single people not seek marriage. A widow, having lost her husband, should equally care only about how to moderate her passions and not enter into a second marriage: which is what pagan wives also adhere to when they lose their beloved husband. If something seems difficult to us, then we should always look at someone who does even the most difficult things. How many people have dedicated their flesh to chastity after baptism? How many Christians have divorced themselves in body by common consent? How many of these voluntary eunuchs have condemned themselves to abstinence and without divorce? Isn't abstinence easier when death permits marriage? I, at least, think that it is much more difficult to renounce the rights of an existing connection than to be consoled after the death of someone who no longer exists. Will we consider the abstinence of a Christian wife difficult and difficult, while even the pagans dedicate their widowhood and virginity to Satan? In Rome, wives who keep a constant fire on the altar of Vesta are required to remain virgins under fear of the most severe death penalty. In Aegia, lots are cast for the dedication of the virgin Juno. In Delphi, the mad Python soothsayer does not know marriage. In Africa, widows dedicated to Ceres become widows in a strange way: they leave the bed of their living husbands, and put other wives in their place, and they themselves not only abstain from carnal union, but do not even allow themselves to hug and kiss their own children; then, as long as they serve Ceres, they remain in this state of feigned widowhood, not having any consolations provided to us by our holy religion. This is what the devil has instituted, and he finds people to obey him. He would like to attract the servants of God to himself under the pretext that his servants are capable of the greatest sacrifices. He knows how to destroy people even with their very virtues. It makes no difference to him to kill souls through lust or through abstinence. The Lord teaches us that abstinence is a means of obtaining eternal salvation, it is a testimony of faith and the best preparation of our flesh for the day when it must put on incorruption to fulfill the last will of God. Consider also, dear friend, that no one can leave this world unless it pleases God: even a leaf from a tree will not fall without His permission. It is imperative that whoever brought us into the world should also take us out of it. So if I die before you according to the will of God, then none other than God will destroy your marriage. Why would you restore what God has destroyed? Why give up the freedom given to you in order to impose new shackles on yourself! It is said: “Are you united to your wife? don't look for a divorce. Are you left without a wife? do not seek a wife" (1 Cor 7.27). But if you marry another time, believing that it is not a sin, then you will also have sorrow of the flesh. Oh, how should we love abstinence? Let us take advantage of the opportunity presented to us to preserve it, and look for that purity in widowhood that we could not achieve during marriage; Let us hasten to use for good a happy incident that frees us from the sad responsibilities that need placed on us. We can judge what harm a second marriage brings to holiness when we pay attention to the statutes of the church and to the decrees of the Apostles, who elected to the bishops only “the husband of one wife” (1 Tim. 3.2), and admitted to the priesthood only those who were “the wife of one husband... widows” (1 Tim. 5.9), so that the altar of God may always remain pure and sinless. The pagans themselves, driven by the jealousy of the devil, glorify the holiness of widowhood. In Rome it is forbidden for the administrator of the sacrifices, the chief priest or the high priest, to marry twice. It is necessary that abstinence be very favorable to God, because even His enemy is partial to it hypocritically, not out of a laudable motive, but out of pure malice. a supernatural mixture of what is pleasing to God and what is distasteful to Him. The Lord God, through the mouth of one of His prophets, uttered the following word, showing how much He respects widowhood: “Defend the orphan, stand up for the widow. Then come and let us reason together, says the Lord” (Isaiah 1.17–18). Therefore, God took under His protection these two helpless states, which are all the more dear to His divine mercy the more they are despised by people. You see that He considers as equal to Himself a person who has care for a widow: this is how He values ​​her, of whom He declared Himself a zealous protector. I even think that her virgins are so favorable to Him, although they are allowed to see close to the Lord, when their purity is inviolable and their holiness is irreproachable. This comes from the fact that the widow’s condition is the most difficult, because it is easy not to desire what is unknown; and, therefore, it is easy to do without what someone does not want. The widow's abstinence has more merit, because she knows what she is losing. The virgin is happier, but the widow is almost more worthy: the first never strayed from the path, and the other enters it again: she is crowned with grace, and this with courage and valor. There are heavenly mercies that come from the goodness of God; There are other mercies that are deserved partly through our own efforts. God distributes His mercies according to His will. A person who receives some of them through his own deeds owes it to his own jealousy. Try to acquire first abstinence, then modesty, as a support for chastity, and, finally, moderation and sobriety, which will teach you to neglect the imaginary needs of this world. Seek communion with God, and remember the word sanctified by the saying of the Apostle: “bad associations corrupt good morals” (1 Cor 15.33). Lazy, talkative, drunken, flirtatious wives form a bad society that opposes the state of widowhood. Their frivolous tongues utter words harmful to chastity; laziness is at war with dignity; vanity leads to debauchery; drunkenness is the mother of all vices. Not one of the women of this kind will approve of monogamy, because from their womb they created a god for themselves. This, my beloved friend in God, is what I had in mind to offer you. I spoke from the abundance of my heart, guided by the instructions of the Apostle. If I have to die, then I would like you to find consolation in reading these last of my advice. In the first part of my message, my dear friend in the service of God, I tried to explain what is appropriate for a holy wife to do when her marriage is destroyed. Now I intend to discuss the same subject in relation to human impermanence. An example of this is those wives who, having become free due to divorce from their husbands or after their death, not only do not take advantage of the opportunity presented to them to remain celibate, but so forget the law of God that they do not marry in the Lord. My spirit is in confusion, and I am afraid that, with all my advice given to you to remain a widow, it will seem to you that I am again inclining you to enter the slippery path of a second marriage. If you are smart, then of course you will follow my advice, because they are the best. But it is difficult, and you may encounter many obstacles; and since my admonitions will now be final, I decided to take care to prevent all possible cases in this regard. The more difficult and praiseworthy the widow's abstinence, the more excusable her fall: we readily forgive the violation of difficult duties. But, as always happens, it is easy to get married in the Lord: then in this case the widow is to blame when she does not do this, but indulges in intemperance. The Apostle advises widows not to change their condition, saying: “For I desire that all people should be as I am” (1 Cor 7.7). But in relation to getting married in the Lord, he no longer advises, but commands, adding only: “only in the Lord.” When we do not follow his advice, we only expose ourselves to danger, because it is easier to ignore advice than command, since advice depends on our consent: but when he speaks in the name of the power granted to him, then we should no longer disobey. In the first case, we really use our freedom for evil; but in the second we show obvious disobedience. Seeing that some Christian women marry pagans outside the church, and remembering what also happened several times before us, I cannot help but be surprised at their own insolence and the perverse mind of their advisers, who did not reveal to them how contrary their behavior was to the spirit of Holy Scripture. They, in my opinion, are probably blinded by the 7th chapter of the First Epistle to the Corinthians, which says: “If a brother has an unbelieving wife, and she agrees to live with him, then he should not leave her; and a wife who has an unbelieving husband, and he agrees to live with her, should not leave him. For an unbelieving husband is sanctified by a believing wife, and an unbelieving wife is sanctified by a believing husband. Otherwise your children would have been unclean, but now they are holy” (1 Cor 7.12–15). This admonition is very misunderstood by celibate people if they think that it can serve as a reason for them to enter into marriage with infidels. It is obvious that this text refers to those whom the grace of God found already in union with the infidels, as the very words somehow prove: “if any brother has.” The Apostle does not say here to take an unfaithful wife: he only mentions that whoever of the recently converted is already married should remain with his wife, so that the newly converted do not think that they are obliged to separate from their wives, who in some way have become alien to them by faith. For this, he also provides a pretext for his teaching, adding: “The Lord has called us to peace. Why do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or why do you, husband, know whether you will save your wife” (1 Cor 7.14–16)? The end of the exhortation further strengthens my argument: “Everyone do as God has determined for him” (1 Cor 7.17). Who are the called ones? No doubt pagans, not believers. If he were talking about those who became Christians before getting married, then he would allow these latter to marry indiscriminately; but this would be inconsistent with the following words: “A wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives; if her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she wants, only in the Lord” (1 Cor 7.39). There seems to be no doubt about the meaning of these words: in order to take away all doubt and indecision, he not only said that the widow is “free to marry whomever she wants,” but in order to avoid any abuse he added: “only in the Lord,” that is, in the name of the Lord, or better yet, free to marry a Christian and according to Christian rites. Thus, this holy Apostle, who wished that widows would rather remain celibate, and set himself as an example to them, allowed them to enter into a second marriage, but not otherwise than in the Lord: this is one condition that he imposes on those who do not want to maintain abstinence. “Only in the Lord,” he says. The word "only" gives great force to the law, and makes it absolutely binding. This word commands and convinces, commands and exhorts, obliges and threatens. The opinion of the Apostle is as clear as it is strict; it is eloquent in its brevity, like any divine word that demands urgent obedience. Who can comprehend how many dangers lie ahead for faith, foreseen by the Apostle from the marriages he prohibited? Here, firstly, the desecration of the flesh of a Christian from touching the flesh of an unbeliever is represented. But, another will say, between a married unbeliever entering Christianity and between an unmarried Christian, can there be such a difference that they should beware of defilement here, so that one is forbidden to marry an unbeliever, and the other is allowed to live with the wife he already has? With the help of the Holy Spirit I answer this. The Lord wants it better for the marriage not to consummate than for it to be dissolved. He prohibits divorce and allows it: whoever divorces his wife for reasons other than adultery and marries another commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery (Matthew 19.9), although, however, he always approves of abstinence. Thus, one undertakes to remain with his wife, even if she were an idolater; and another is not given the freedom to marry an idolater. As the Scripture says that pagans, awarded the grace of God while already married, not only are not defiled by being in union with their former wives, but can still sanctify them: then from this it is clear that men who are sanctified before marriage cannot sanctify idolatrous wives, whom they later marry; for the grace of God sanctifies only those of them who were married first; what grace does not sanctify is unclean, and what is unclean cannot have any relation to the Saints, whom it only defiles and destroys their souls. So, Christians who marry idolatrous wives cannot be exempted from accusations of fornication, and, like fornicators, must be excluded from communication with believers according to the word of the Apostle, so that “with such one you will not even ... eat” (1 Cor 5.11). Do we dare to submit such marriage contracts to the judgment of the Lord? Will we call a marriage legal, which He Himself forbidden? A forbidden union is not Is there fornication? Do you think that the church of God is not defiled as much by an idolater as by the members of Christ who have copulated with the members of an unbelieving harlot? We do not belong to ourselves: we are bought, and at what price? By desecrating our flesh, we defile Him Himself: God has sufficiently revealed His will to us, forbidding us to marry someone else. wife (Matthew 19.9), so as not to make the flesh that belongs to Christ unclean. Every voluntary sin is a mortal sin in the eyes of God. The easier it is to avoid it, the more criminal it is to be carried away by it. Let us now see what other dangers the Apostle foresaw from this not only for the flesh, but also for the spirit. Who can doubt that daily dealing with unbelievers does not gradually reduce our faith? If evil conversations corrupt good morals ("bad associations corrupt good morals" 1 Cor 15.33): then what will not sincere behavior and communication with unbelievers do? Every Christian woman should try to please God. How can she work for two masters, God and her husband, and especially when this last one is a pagan? Trying to please idolatry, she must comply with the customs of the pagans; she must take care of her beauty, her attire, her toilet; must indulge in his shameful caresses, which defile the marriage bed itself. These spouses, who are so little alike, will not fulfill the duty assigned by nature to both sexes with the same moderation and decency as Christians who act with the fear of God. How little does such a husband share with your religious duties? Is a wife able to fulfill them when she has a servant of the devil at her side, who, out of duty, will set himself to interfere with these duties? Do I need to show up for standing? The husband will make an appointment at the bathhouse at this time. Will the day of fasting come? The husband will invite his friends to a feast on this day. Will there be a religious procession in the Church? Never before have there been so many worries and activities in idolatry. What kind of idolater husband would allow his wife to freely visit his brothers, go around the villages, and visit the poor in their huts? What kind of husband would want to separate from his wife at night so that she could come and pray with the brethren during the night vigils? Will he tolerate her spending the whole night in church on the feast of the Resurrection of Christ, and for her to appear to partake of the holy mysteries, which he neglects and abhors? Will he watch with indifference that she goes into dungeons to kiss the shackles of martyrs? And what will he say when he learns that his wife must give the brothers the kiss of peace, must bring water to wash the feet of believers, share bread and wine with them during supper, spend time in contemplation and prayer? If a Christian traveler comes, what kind of hospitality will he have in the house of a pagan? When it is necessary to give bread to the poor, will not the wife of an unbeliever find her barn locked? But, another will say, there are also pagans who not only do not bother Christians, but support and patronize them. So much the worse. The pagans should not even know about our good deeds, which only believers should see. It is bad for us when we do good deeds under their protection. The patron knows what we are doing; if we hide this from him in the end, so that he does not patronize us, then we are afraid of him. God, commanding us to do good so that others do not know about it, at the same time commands us to do it so that we do not submit to the pagans. Therefore, the wife will sin in both cases, even if her husband knew about it, or even if she, recognizing his power over her, hid her religious activities from him. “Do not,” it is said, “throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet and turn and tear you to pieces” (Matthew 7.6). Your “pearls” are good deeds: this is what you need to hide. But the more you hide them, the more you will arouse curiosity among the pagans. Can you hide yourself when you baptize your bed or your body, or when you spit on unclean things? If you get up at night to pray, will your husband suspect you of magic? Will he notice that you seem to be secretly tasting something before dinner? And when he finds out that this is nothing more than bread: what can he think about you in his ignorance? Will he complain about all such secrets? Maybe even he will suspect you that you want to poison him. They support and patronize! Yes! They protect the other end, so that later they can trample under their feet, so that later they can mock their wives, whose secret they keep only in order to use it against them when they have the misfortune of not liking them. Yes! They patronize the other end to receive their dowry, one respectful circumstance that makes them forget the name of a Christian, and encourages them to remain silent until they want to take possession of the wealth by delivering their wives to the court or spies. This is what many women did not want to believe until they learned it through sad and destructive experience: this is what has drawn more than one Christian woman into apostasy. The servant of the Lord must live among the gods of the Lars, be present at the festivals and celebrations of idols, and swallow the smoke of aromas at the beginning of the year and on the first day of each month. She leaves the house through doors decorated with laurels and lamps, as if leaving a den of debauchery. Lying continuously at the table with her husband and his feasting friends, won’t she cleave to their opinions? She will need to serve the wicked, whereas previously she served only the Saints. Will she not feel her own condemnation, thus serving those whom she herself will one day have to judge? Hearing her husband sing, what will she hear? And what would she herself sing in front of him? Probably some poetry from a comedy, or a song in honor of drunkenness that she learned in a drinking den or gambling house. Will she dare to speak the name of God, to call upon Jesus Christ? Where will the spiritual food go, strengthening the faith of those spouses whose leisure time is devoted to pious reading, which they generally do? Will such discordant spouses begin to bless each other in the name of God? No! For a woman in this position, everything is alien, hostile, everything condemns her, everything strives to remove her from the path of salvation. All these misfortunes can happen to those who are already married, when the grace of God deigns to attract them to itself; but then they are sanctified by the command of God not to be separated from their husbands in the hope of converting them to faith. If God approves of the continuation of such a union, then should we not hope that in this case He Himself will not fail to protect the wife who obeys Him, and will remove her from the many dangers and persecutions that almost inevitably arise from such a slippery position? A wife who has been worthy by her virtues to acquire the grace of God will probably inspire her idolater husband with so much respect for herself that she will not be afraid to find in him either a tyrant or a traitor. He will begin to be surprised at her good deeds, knowing them from her noble deeds. He will see that she is in many respects more worthy than him, and his growing respect for her will not hinder him, perhaps, from making him a convert. But the completely opposite happens to that woman who, knowing the essence of the matter, enters into a forbidden marriage. What God does not like offends Him; and what offends Him only brings misfortune. Note, however, that none of the pagans are as unmerciful to Christians as the most vicious of them, because those who are somewhat virtuous and not completely hostile to us soon turn to faith. This is the best pretext for the conviction that a union with a pagan cannot be happy: the devil approves of it, but God forbids it. If we do not respect the wisdom of God, then let us at least turn to human prudence. Will gentlemen who observe strict decency allow their slaves to marry strangers? They will prevent this so that they either do not become corrupted, or abandon their duties, or do not bring strangers into the master's house. Will not the gentleman who notices that they continue to frequent outsiders, contrary to his prohibition, tie them more tightly, so to speak? Will earthly decorum really prevail over heavenly commandments? An idolater wife, marrying a stranger, becomes his slave; but a Christian woman who marries an unbeliever becomes a servant of the devil. How can she remain a Christian? How can she not admit that such a marriage is prohibited by the Apostle? To what can we attribute this madness, if not to the weakness of faith, always ready to yield to the lusts of worldly joys? Most often this happened with noble and rich women, because they needed a magnificent house that served as a sign of their ambition. All this vanity is not in accordance with the spirit of Christ. There are few rich people in our Church, and if there are, not everyone is married. What can these ambitious wives do? It is necessary that they certainly beg the devil to give them a husband who would provide them with magnificent furniture, mules and many slaves to curl their hair; for a Christian, even a rich one, probably does not fall for all such oddities. So I ask you to pay special attention to how many idolatrous wives act, who for the most part, being noble and rich, sometimes unite with people of poor and low birth, so that it is all the more convenient to enjoy the fruits of their voluptuousness. Some even marry their freedmen or slaves, although even the most pagans consider this a shameful thing. However, should a Christian be offended and offended by the fact that she marries a man without a fortune who can enrich her with his poverty? If the kingdom of God does not belong to the rich, then the poor must inevitably have it as their inheritance. What better dowry, what greater wealth, if not eternal bliss? Therefore, a Christian woman should consider herself happy when she is called to be equal in this world to someone whom in the future she may not be worthy to serve. How can one ask whether he or she is rich, whom God himself has undertaken to endow with property? How to describe the happiness of a marriage advised by the church, sanctified by its prayers, nourished by angels in heaven, blessed by God the Father? It is known that the children of God do not marry without the consent of their father. How pleasant must be the bonds that unite two hearts, in one hope, in one faith, in one law! They are like children of one father, like slaves of one Lord: there is no discord or schism between them, either in soul or in body. They are two in one flesh: where the flesh is one, there the soul is one. They pray together, they kneel together, they fast together; mutually encourage and guide each other. They are equal in the church and in communion with God, they equally share fasting and abundance, they do not secretly have anything from each other, they are not a burden to each other, each of them can freely visit the sick and help the poor. There is no embarrassment for them to give alms, there is no danger of being present during the performance of the holy sacraments, there are no obstacles to the fulfillment of daily duties, there is no concealment of being baptized in secret and silently saying prayers. They sing psalms and hymns together, trying to outdo each other in praising their God. The Lord rejoices, seeing such their housekeeping, sends His peace to this house, and dwells in it with them: and where He is, the spirit of malice cannot enter there. This is what the Apostle teaches us. Think about all this thoroughly: it will serve as a sufficient hindrance for you not to follow the example of famous women in all cases. The believer is not allowed to actually enter into a second marriage; even if they were allowed to do this, then they should not decide to do this for their own benefit. You might be interested in: