Life of our Venerable Mother Mary of Egypt

“The Life of Our Venerable Mother Mary of Egypt” is an amazing story of the transformation of a sinner into a holy ascetic, filled with deep repentance and unceasing prayer. In his youth, Rev. Mary led a dissolute life, but an accidental pilgrimage to Jerusalem to the Holy Sepulcher became a turning point in her fate. Unworthy to enter the church, she realized the depth of her fall and turned to the Mother of God with sincere repentance. Having taken a vow of celibacy and repentance, St. Mary retired to the harsh Jordanian desert, where she spent 47 years in solitude, fighting temptations and incessant prayer. Her life tells of the incredible power of the human spirit, capable of overcoming even the most serious sins through repentance, humility and deep faith. Life of the Venerable Mary of Egypt Galatea Kazakova Life of Venerable Mary of Egypt “It is good to hide a king’s secret, but it is glorious to reveal the works of God” (Tov.12:7). This is what the angel said to Tobiah, after his miraculous healing from the blindness of his eyes, after all the dangers through which he led him and from which he delivered him with his piety. Not keeping the king's secrets is a dangerous and terrible thing. To remain silent about the wonderful works of God is dangerous for the soul. Therefore, I, driven by the fear of keeping silent about the divine and remembering the punishment promised to the slave, who, having taken a talent from his master, buried it in the ground and hid it fruitlessly for work, I will not keep silent about the sacred story that has come down to us. Let no one doubt to believe me, who wrote about what he heard, and do not think that I am composing fables, amazed by the greatness of miracles. God forbid I should lie and forge a story in which His name is mentioned. To think basely and unworthy of the greatness of the incarnate God the Word and not to believe what is said here is, in my opinion, unreasonable. If there are readers of this narrative who, struck by the miraculousness of the word, do not want to believe it, may the Lord be merciful to them; for they, thinking about the weakness of human nature, consider the miracles told about people incredible. But I will begin my story about the deeds revealed in our generation, as a pious man told it to me, having learned the divine word and deed from childhood. Let them not cite as an excuse for unbelief that it is impossible for such miracles to happen in our generation. For the grace of the Father, flowing through generation after generation of the souls of the saints, creates friends of God and prophets, as Solomon teaches. But it’s time to begin this sacred story. There lived a man in the Palestinian monasteries, glorious in life and the gift of speech, raised from infancy in monastic deeds and virtues. The old man's name was Zosima. Let no one think, judging by the name, that I am calling that Zosima, who was once convicted of non-Orthodoxy. That was a completely different Zosima, and there was a big difference between them, although both bore the same name. This Zosima was Orthodox, from the very beginning he labored in one of the Palestinian monasteries, went through all types of asceticism, and was experienced in all abstinence. He observed in everything the rule bequeathed by his teachers in the field of this spiritual athletics, and he invented many things of his own, working to subjugate the flesh to the spirit. And he did not miss his goal: the elder became so famous for his spiritual life that many from nearby, and even from distant monasteries, often came to him in order to find a model and rule for themselves in his teaching. But having worked so hard in his active life, the elder did not abandon his concern for the divine word, lying down and getting up, and holding in his hands the work that fed him. If you want to know about the food that he ate, then he had one thing to do incessantly and incessantly - to always sing to God and meditate on the divine word. Often, they say, the elder was awarded divine visions, illuminated from above, according to the word of the Lord: those who have cleansed their flesh and are always sober with the unceasing eye of the soul will see visions illuminated from above, having in them a guarantee of the bliss awaiting them. Zosima said that, barely tearing himself away from his mother’s breast, he was sent to that monastery and until the fifty-third year he underwent an ascetic feat there. Then, as he himself said, he began to be tormented by the thought that he was perfect in everything and did not need teaching from anyone. And so, in his words, he began to reason with himself: “Is there a monk on earth who can benefit me and convey to me something new, a type of feat that I do not know and have not accomplished? Will there be found among the wise of the desert a man who surpasses me in life or contemplation? This is how the elder reasoned when someone appeared to him and said: - “Zosima! You have labored valiantly, to the best of human strength, you have valiantly completed the ascetic path. But no one among people has achieved perfection, and the greater feat ahead of man has already been accomplished, although you do not know it. And so that you too may know how many other paths to salvation there are, leave your native land, from your father’s house, like Abraham, glorious among the patriarchs, and go to a monastery near the Jordan River.” Immediately, obeying the command, the elder leaves the monastery in which he has labored since childhood, and, having reached the Jordan, the holy river, sets off on the path leading him to the monastery to which God sent him. Pushing the door of the monastery with his hand, he first sees the monk-gatekeeper; he takes him to the abbot. The abbot, having received him and seeing his pious image and custom - he performed the usual monastic throwing (statutory bow) and prayer - asked him: - “Where are you from, brother, and why did you come to the humble elders?” “There’s no need to say where I’m from, I came for spiritual benefit. I have heard many glorious and praiseworthy things about you that can bring the soul closer to God.” “God alone, who heals human weakness, will reveal, brother, His divine will to you and us and teach us to do what is proper. Man cannot help man unless everyone constantly pays attention to himself and with a sober mind does what is due, having God as a collaborator in his affairs. But if, as you say, the love of God moved you to see us, humble elders, stay with us, and we will all be filled with the grace of the Spirit by the Good Shepherd, who gave His soul as a deliverance for us and knows His sheep by name. So spoke the abbot, and Zosima, having again performed the throwing and asking for his prayers, said “Amen” and remained to live in the monastery. He saw the elders, glorious in life and contemplation, burning in spirit, working for the Lord. Their singing was incessant, standing all night. There is always work in their hands, psalms on their lips. Not an idle word, not a thought about earthly affairs: incomes calculated annually and worries about earthly labors were unknown to them even by name. But everyone had one desire - to be a body like a corpse, to die completely to the world and everything in the world. Their endless food was divinely inspired words. They fed their bodies with the only necessities, bread and water, for each one was aflame with divine love. Seeing this, Zosimas, according to him, was greatly edified, rushing forward, accelerating his own running, for he found fellow workers with himself, skillfully renewing the garden of God. Quite a few days have passed and the time has approached when Christians are commanded to perform a holy fast, preparing themselves for the worship of the divine Passion and Resurrection of Christ. The monastery gates were always closed, allowing the monks to work in silence. They opened only when extreme need forced the monk to leave the fence. This place was deserted, and most of the neighboring monks were not only inaccessible, but even unknown. The rule was observed in the monastery, for the sake of which, I think, God brought Zosima to that monastery. I’ll tell you now what this rule is and how it was observed. On Sunday, which gave its name to the first week of Lent, the Divine Mysteries were performed, as always, in the church and everyone partook of those Most Pure and Life-Giving Mysteries. They also ate a little food, according to custom. After that, everyone gathered in the church and, having prayed diligently, with prostrations to the ground, the elders kissed each other and the abbot, hugging and throwing, and each asked to pray for him and to have him as a companion and collaborator in the upcoming battle. After this, the monastery gates were opened, and with the consonant singing of the psalm: “The Lord is my enlightenment and my Savior, whom will I fear? The Lord is the protector of my life, whom will I fear? (Ps.26:1) and further, in order, everyone left the monastery. One brother or two were left in the monastery, not in order to guard the property (they had nothing tempting for robbers), but so as not to leave the church without service. Everyone took with them whatever food they could and wanted. One carried a little bread, according to bodily needs, another figs, another dates, this one grains soaked in water. The latter, finally, had nothing but his own body and the rags covering it, and, when nature required food, he ate desert plants. Each of them had such a charter and law, inviolably observed by everyone - not to know about each other, how someone lives and fasts. Having immediately crossed the Jordan, they dispersed far from each other across the wide desert, and neither one approached the other. If someone from a distance noticed a brother approaching him, he immediately turned to the side; everyone lived with himself and with God, singing psalms all the time and eating little of his food. Having spent all the days of fasting in this way, they returned to the monastery a week before the life-giving Resurrection of the Savior from the dead, when the Church established the pre-holiday celebration with the Vaii. Each returned with the fruits of his own conscience, knowing how he worked and what labors he planted seeds in the ground. And no one asked the other how he accomplished the supposed feat. Such was the charter of the monastery, and so strictly was it observed. Each of them in the desert fought against himself before the judge of the struggle - God, not seeking to please people or fasting in front of them. For what is done for the sake of people, for the sake of pleasing man, is not only not for the benefit of the doer, but is also the cause of great punishment for him. Then Zosima, according to the rules of that monastery, crossed the Jordan, taking with him on the road some food for bodily needs and the rags that were on him. And he made the rule, passing through the desert, and giving time to food according to natural need. He slept at night, sinking to the ground and enjoying a short sleep, where the evening hour found him. In the morning he set off again, burning with an unrelenting desire to go further and further. It sunk into his soul, as he himself said, to go deeper into the desert, hoping to find some father living there who could satisfy his desire. And he walked tirelessly, as if hurrying to some well-known hotel. He had already passed twenty days and, when the sixth hour came, he paused and, turning to the east, performed the usual prayer. He always interrupted his journey at set hours of the day and rested a little from his labors - either standing, chanting psalms, or praying, kneeling. And when he sang, without turning his eyes away from the sky, he saw to the right of the hill on which he stood, like the shadow of a human body. At first he was embarrassed, thinking that he was seeing a demonic ghost, and even shuddered. But, protecting himself with the sign of the cross and driving away fear (his prayer was already finished), he turns his gaze and actually sees a certain creature walking towards noon. It was naked, black in body, as if scorched by the heat of the sun; the hair on the head is white, like a fleece, and not long, going down no lower than the neck. Seeing him, Zosima, as if in a frenzy of great joy, began to run in the direction where the vision was moving away. He rejoiced with unspeakable joy. Not once in all these days had he seen a human face, not a bird, not an animal of the earth, not even a shadow. He sought to find out who this one who had appeared to him was and where it came from, hoping that some great secrets would be revealed to him. But when the ghost saw Zosima approaching from a distance, he began to quickly run away into the depths of the desert. And Zosima, forgetting about his old age, no longer thinking about the labors of the journey, tried to overtake the fleeing. He caught up, it ran away. But Zosima’s running was faster, and soon he approached the runner. When Zosima ran up enough that his voice could be heard, he began to scream, raising a cry with tears: - “Why are you running away from the old sinner? Servant of the true God, wait for me, whoever you are, I conjure you by God, for whose sake you live in this desert. Wait for me, weak and unworthy, I conjure you with your hope for reward for your work. Stop and give me prayer and blessing to the elder for the sake of the Lord, who does not despise anyone.” So spoke Zosima with tears, and they both fled in an area similar to the bed of a dried-up stream. But it seems to me that there was never a stream there (how could there be a stream in that land?), but this was the appearance of the land there by nature. When they reached this place, the running creature went down and climbed to the other side of the ravine, and Zosima, tired and no longer able to run, stopped on this side, intensifying his tears and sobs, which could already be heard nearby. Then the running one spoke: “Abba Zosima, forgive me, for God’s sake, I cannot turn around and show my face to you. I am a woman, and naked, as you can see, with naked shame of my body. But, if you want to fulfill one prayer of a sinful wife, throw me your clothes so that I can cover a woman’s weakness with it and, turning to you, receive your blessing.” Here horror and frenzy came over Zosima, according to him, when he heard that she called him by name, Zosima. But, being a man of keen intelligence and wise in divine matters, he realized that she would not have called him by name, having never seen or heard of him before, if she had not been illuminated by the gift of clairvoyance. He immediately fulfilled the command, and, taking off his old and torn robe, threw it to her, turning away, she, taking it, partly covered the nakedness of her body, turned to Zosima and said: - “Why did you want, Zosima, to see your sinful wife? What do you want to learn from me or see, who are not afraid to accept such work? He, bending his knees, asks to give him the usual blessing; and she also creates throwing. So they lay on the ground, asking each other for blessings, and only one word could be heard from both: “Bless!” After a long time, the wife says to Zosima: - “Abba Zosima, it is appropriate for you to bless and pray. You are honored with the rank of presbyter, you have stood before the holy throne for many years and offered the sacrifice of the Divine Mysteries.” This plunged Zosima into even greater horror; trembling, the old man covered himself in a deadly sweat, groaned, and his voice broke off. He finally tells her, barely catching his breath: - “Oh, spirit-bearing mother, it is clear throughout your entire life that you are with God and almost died to the world. The grace given to you is also obvious if you called me by name and recognized me as an elder, having never seen me before. Grace is recognized not by rank, but by spiritual gifts - bless me, for God’s sake, and pray for me, who needs your intercession.” Then, yielding to the elder’s wishes, the wife said: - “Blessed be God, who cares for the salvation of people and souls.” - “Amen!” - and both stood up from their knees. The wife says to the elder: - “Why did you come to me, sinner, man? Why did you want to see your wife, stripped of all virtue? However, the grace of the Holy Spirit brought you to perform some timely service for me. Tell me, how do Christian people live today? How are the kings? How does the Church graze?” – “Through your holy prayers, mother, Christ gave lasting peace to everyone. But accept the elder’s unworthy prayer and pray for the whole world and for me, a sinner, so that my walking through this desert will not be without fruit.” “It is fitting for you, Abba Zosima, who has the rank of priest, to pray for me and for everyone. For this is what you are called to do. But since we must fulfill obedience, I will gladly do what you commanded.” With these words, she turned to the east and, raising her eyes to the sky and raising her hands, began to pray in a whisper. No separate words could be heard, so Zosima could not understand anything from her prayer. He stood, according to him, in awe, looking at the ground and not saying a word. And he swore, calling God as a witness, that when her prayer seemed long to him, he took his eyes off the ground and saw: she had risen an elbow from the ground, and was standing, praying, in the air. When he saw this, he was seized by even greater horror and, not daring to say anything out of fear, he fell to the ground, repeating only repeatedly: “Lord, have mercy!” Lying on the ground, the elder was confused by the thought: “Isn’t this a spirit, and isn’t that prayer a feign?” The wife turned around and raised the Abba up, saying: - “Why do thoughts confuse you, Abba, tempting you about me, as if I were a spirit and pretending to pray? Know, man, that I am a sinful woman, although I am protected by holy baptism. And I am not spirit, but earth and ashes, one flesh. I don’t think about anything spiritual.” And with these words he protects his forehead and eyes, lips and chest with the sign of the cross, saying: “God, Abba Zosima, deliver us from the evil one and from his wiles, for great is his warfare against us.” Hearing and seeing this, the elder fell to the ground and with tears embraced her feet, saying: “I adjure you, in the name of Christ our God, born of the Virgin, for whose sake you have clothed yourself in this nakedness, for whose sake you have so exhausted your flesh, not to hide from your servant who you are and where you come from, when and how you came to this desert. Tell everything, so that the wonderful works of God will be revealed... Hidden wisdom and secret treasure - what is the use of them? Tell me everything, I implore you. For you will not say it for the sake of vanity and proof, but to reveal the truth to me, a sinner and unworthy. I believe God, Whom you live and serve, that He brought me to this desert to reveal the ways of the Lord about you. It is not in our power to resist the destinies of God. If it were not for Christ our God to show you and your feat, He would not have allowed anyone to see you, and He would not have strengthened me to complete such a journey, having never wanted or dared to leave my cell.” Abba Zosima said a lot, but his wife picked him up and said: - “I’m ashamed, my Abba, to tell you the shame of my deeds, forgive me for God’s sake. But just as you have already seen my naked body, I will also expose my deeds to you, so that you will know what shame and disgrace my soul is filled with. Not running away from vanity, as you thought, I did not want to talk about myself, and why should I be proud of myself, having been the chosen vessel of the devil? I also know that when I begin my story, you will run away from me, like a man runs from a snake; your ears will not be able to hear the ugliness of my deeds. But I will say, without keeping anything silent, conjuring you, first of all, to constantly pray for me, in order to find mercy for me on the Day of Judgment.” The elder cried uncontrollably, and the wife began her story. “My homeland was Egypt. While my parents were still alive, when I was twelve years old; I rejected their love and came to Alexandria. How I destroyed my virginity there at first, how uncontrollably and insatiably I surrendered to voluptuousness, it’s a shame to even remember. It is more decent to say briefly, so that you know my passion and voluptuousness. For about seventeen years, forgive me, I lived, being, as it were, a bonfire of nationwide depravity, not at all for the sake of self-interest, I am telling the true truth. Often, when they wanted to give me money, I didn’t take it. This is what I did to force as many people as possible to pursue me, doing what I liked for free. Don’t think that I was rich and that’s why I didn’t take money. I lived on alms, often on flax yarn, but I had an insatiable desire and an uncontrollable passion to wallow in the dirt. This was life for me; I revered all desecration of nature as life. This is how I lived. And then one summer I see a large crowd of Libyans and Egyptians running to the sea. I asked the person I met: “Where are these people rushing?” He answered me: “Everyone is going to Jerusalem for the Exaltation of the Holy Cross, which, according to custom, will take place in a few days.” I said to him: “Won’t they take me with them if I want to go with them?” “No one will stop you if you have money for transportation and food.” I tell him: “In truth, I have neither money nor food. But I will also go, boarding one of the ships. And they will feed me, whether they want it or not. I have a body, they will take it instead of paying for transportation.” “And I wanted to go - Abba forgive me - so that I could have more lovers to quench my passion. I told you, Abba Zosima, not to force me to talk about my shame. I’m afraid, God knows, that I’ll defile both you and the air with my words.” Zosima, watering the earth with tears, answered her: - “Speak, for God’s sake, my mother, speak and do not interrupt the thread of such an edifying narrative.” She continued her story and said: “The young man, having heard my shameless words, laughed and left. I, throwing away the spinning wheel that I was carrying with me at that time, run to the sea, where I see everyone running. And, seeing the young men standing on the shore, ten or more in number, full of strength and dexterous in their movements, I found them suitable for my purpose (it seemed that some were waiting for more travelers, while others had boarded the ship). Shamelessly, as always, I intervened in their crowd." “Take me,” I say, “with you wherever you are sailing. I won’t be superfluous to you.” I added other worse words, causing general laughter. They, seeing my readiness for shamelessness, took me and took me to their ship. Those whom we had been waiting for also appeared, and we immediately set off. What happened next, how will I tell you, man? Whose tongue will express, whose ear will comprehend what happened on the ship during the voyage? I forced the unfortunate people to do all this, even against their will. There is no form of depravity, expressible or not expressible in words, in which I would not be a teacher of the unfortunate. I am surprised, Abba, how our debauchery has endured the sea! How did the earth not open its mouth and swallow me alive? Hell, which caught so many souls in its net! But I think God was looking for my repentance, for He does not want the death of a sinner, but generously awaits his conversion. In such labors we arrived in Jerusalem. All the days I spent in the city before the holiday, I did the same thing, if not worse. I was not content with the young men I had at sea and who helped me on my journey. But she also seduced many others into this work - citizens and foreigners. The holy day of the Exaltation of the Cross has already arrived, and I am still running around, hunting for young men. At dawn I saw that everyone was rushing to church, and I started running with the others. She came with them to the porch of the church. When the hour of the Holy Exaltation arrived, I was pushed and pressed in the crowd making its way to the doors. Already to the very doors of the church, in which the Life-Giving Tree appeared to the people, I, unfortunate, squeezed through with great difficulty and pressure. When I stepped on the threshold of the doors into which everyone else entered without restrictions, some force held me back, not allowing me to enter. Again I was pushed aside, and I saw myself standing alone in the vestibule. Thinking that this happened to me due to female weakness, I again, merging with the crowd, began to work with my elbows to squeeze forward. But she worked for nothing. Again my foot stepped on the threshold through which others entered the church without encountering any obstacle. The church did not accept me, the unfortunate one. It was as if a detachment of soldiers had been posted to deny my entry - so some mighty force held me back, and again I stood in the porch. Having repeated this three times, four times, I finally got tired and was no longer able to push and receive pushes; I walked away and stood in the corner of the porch. And with great effort I began to understand the reason that forbade me to see the Life-Giving Cross. The word of salvation touched the eyes of my heart, showing me that the uncleanness of my deeds was blocking my entrance. I began to cry and mourn, hitting myself on the chest and groaning from the depths of my heart. I stand and cry, and I see the icon of the Most Holy Theotokos above me, and I say to Her, without taking my eyes off Her: - “Virgin, Lady, who gave birth to God the Word in the flesh, I know that it is not fitting for me, foul and depraved, to look at Your icon, Ever-Virgin, Yours, Pure, Yours, who has kept body and soul pure and spotless. I, depraved, should rightly inspire hatred and disgust at Your purity. But, if, as I heard, God, born of You, became a man for this reason, to call sinners to repentance, help the lonely one who has no help from anywhere. Command that the entrance to the church be opened for me, do not deprive me of the opportunity to look at that Tree on which God, born of You, was nailed in flesh and shed His own blood as a ransom for me. But command, Lady, that the door of sacred worship of the Cross will open for me too. And I call on You as a reliable guarantor before God, Your Son, in that I will never again desecrate this body with shameful copulation, but as soon as I see the Tree of the Cross of Your Son, I will immediately renounce the world and everything that is in the world, and will go where You, the Guarantor of salvation, will command and lead me.” So I said and, as if having found some hope in fiery faith, encouraged by the mercy of the Mother of God, I left the place where I stood in prayer. And again I go and intervene in the crowd entering the church, and no one pushes me, no one pushes me away, no one prevents me from coming closer to the doors. Trembling and frenzy took possession of me, and I was trembling and worried all over. Having reached the doors that were previously inaccessible to me - as if all the power that had previously forbidden me was now clearing the way for me - I entered without difficulty and, finding myself inside the holy place, was honored to look at the life-giving Cross, and saw the Mysteries of God, I saw how the Lord accepts repentance. I fell on my face and, bowing to this holy land, ran, unhappy, to the exit, hurrying to my Surety. I return to the place where I signed the letter of my vow. And, kneeling before the Ever-Virgin Mother of God, she turned to Her with these words: “Oh, merciful Lady. You showed me Your love for humanity. You did not reject the prayer of the unworthy. I saw glory, which we, the unfortunate, rightfully do not see. Glory to God, who accepts the repentance of sinners through You. What else should I, a sinner, remember or say? It is time, Lady, to fulfill my vow, in accordance with Your guarantee. Now lead where you want. Now be my teacher of salvation, lead me by the hand along the path of repentance.” “With these words, I heard a voice from above: “If you cross the Jordan, you will find glorious rest.” Hearing that voice and believing that it came for me, I cried and exclaimed to the Mother of God: “Lady, Madam, do not leave me,” with these words I left the vestibule of the church and hastily set off on my way. When leaving, someone looked at me and gave me three coins, saying: “Take it, mother.” With the money given to me, I bought three loaves of bread and took them with me on the road as a blessed gift. I asked the bread seller: “Where is the road to the Jordan?” They showed me the city gates leading in that direction, and I ran out of them and started on my way, crying. After asking people I met about the road and walking for the rest of the day (it seemed to be the third hour when I saw the Cross), I finally reached, at sunset, the Church of John the Baptist, close to the Jordan. Having prayed in the church, I immediately went down to the Jordan and soaked my face and hands in its holy water. She took communion of the Most Pure and Life-Giving Mysteries in the Church of the Forerunner and ate half a loaf of bread; After drinking water from the Jordan, I spent the night on earth. The next morning, having found a small shuttle, I crossed to the other side and again prayed to the Driver to lead me wherever She pleased. I found myself in this desert, and from then until this day I have been moving away and running, living here, clinging to my God, who saves those who turn to Him from cowardice and storms.” - “How many years, my lady, have passed since you lived in this desert?” “It seems to me that it’s been forty-seven years since I left the holy city.” - “What kind of food did you find, my lady?” “I had two and a half loaves of bread when I crossed the Jordan.” Soon they dried out and turned to stone. Tasting little by little, I finished them off.” – Zosima asked: - “Have you really lived so painlessly for so many years, without suffering from such a drastic change?” “You are asking me, Zosima, about something that I tremble to talk about. If I recall all the dangers that I overcame, all the fierce thoughts that embarrassed me, I am afraid that they will attack me again.” - “Don’t hide anything from me, my lady, I asked you to tell me everything without hiding.” She told him: “Believe me, Abba, I spent seventeen years in this desert, fighting wild animals - crazy desires. Just getting ready to taste the food, I yearn for meat and fish, of which there are many in Egypt. I miss the wine that I love so much. I drank a lot of wine while I lived in the world. Here she didn’t even have water, she was terribly thirsty and exhausted. An insane desire for riotous songs took possession of me, which greatly embarrassed me and inspired me to sing the songs of demons that I had once learned. But immediately, with tears, I beat myself on the chest and reminded myself of the vow that I made when leaving for the desert. I mentally returned to the icon of the Mother of God, who had received me, and cried out to Her, begging her to drive away the thoughts that were bedeviling my unfortunate soul. When I’ve cried enough, beating myself in the chest with all my might, I see light illuminating me from everywhere. And finally, the excitement was followed by a long silence. And how can I tell you about the thoughts that again pushed me into fornication, Abba? A fire lit up in my unfortunate heart and burned me all over and awakened a thirst for hugs. As soon as I found this thought, I threw myself on the ground and watered it with tears, as if I saw in front of me the Surety, appearing to the disobedient woman and threatening punishment for her crime. And until then I did not get up from the ground (it happened to lie there day and night) until that sweet light illuminated me and drove away the thoughts overwhelming me. But I always directed the eyes of my mind to my Surety, asking for help from the desert drowning in the waves. And she had Her as a helper and a recipient of repentance. And so I lived for seventeen years among a thousand dangers. From that time until now, my Intercessor has helped me in everything and leads me as if by the hand.” - “Didn’t you really need food and clothing?” “She answered: “Having finished the bread that I spoke about, for seventeen years I ate plants and everything that could be found in the desert. The clothes in which I crossed the Jordan were all torn and worn out. I suffered a lot from the cold, and a lot from the summer heat: sometimes the sun burned me, sometimes I was cold, trembling from the cold, and often, falling to the ground, I lay without breathing or moving. I struggled with many misfortunes and terrible temptations. But from then until now, the power of God has protected my sinful soul and humble body in various ways. When I think about what evils the Lord has delivered me from, I have incorruptible food and hope of salvation. I feed and cover myself with the word of God, the Lord of all. For man will not live by bread alone, and, having no clothing, all who have taken off the veil of sin will put on stone.” Zosimas, hearing that she mentioned the words of Scripture from Moses and Job, asked her: - “Have you read the psalms, my lady, and other books?” “She smiled at this and said to the elder: “Believe me, I have not seen a human face since I recognized this desert. I never studied books. I didn’t even hear anyone singing or reading them. But the Word of God, living and active, itself teaches human knowledge. This is the end of my story. But, as I asked at the beginning, so now I conjure you, by the incarnation of God the Word, to pray to the Lord for me, a sinner.” Having said this and putting an end to her story, she created throwing. And the elder exclaimed with tears: – “Blessed be God, who has done great and wonderful, glorious and wondrous things without number. Blessed be God, who has shown me how He bestows upon those who fear Him. Truly You do not abandon those who seek You, O Lord.” She, holding the old man, did not allow him to throw, but said: - “About everything that you have heard, man, I adjure you by the Savior Christ our God, not to tell anyone until God frees me from the earth. Now go in peace and again next year you will see me and I will see you, if the Lord preserves you by His mercy. Fulfill, servant of the Lord, what I now ask of you. During Lent next year, do not cross the Jordan, as is your custom in the monastery.” Zosima was amazed when he heard that she was announcing the monastic rules to him, and said nothing else except: - “Glory to God, who gives great things to those who love Him.” - “Stay, Abba, in the monastery. If you want to go out, it will be impossible for you. At sunset of the holy day of the Last Supper, take for me the Life-giving Body and Blood of Christ in a sacred vessel worthy of such Mysteries, and carry it and wait for me on the banks of the Jordan adjacent to the populated land, so that I may receive and partake of the Life-giving Gifts. From the time I took communion in the Church of the Forerunner, before crossing the Jordan, until this day, I have not approached the shrine. And now I hunger for her with uncontrollable love. Therefore, I ask and beg you to fulfill my request - bring me the Life-giving and Divine Mysteries at that hour when the Lord made His disciples partakers of the sacred Supper. Say the following to Abba, John, abbot of the monastery in which you live: “Pay attention to yourself and your flock: something is happening among you that needs correction.” But I want you not to tell him this now, but when the Lord inspires it in you. Pray for me." With these words she disappeared into the depths of the desert. And Zosima, falling to his knees and bowing to the ground on which her feet stood, gave glory and thanksgiving to God. And again, having passed through this desert, he returned to the monastery on the very day when the monks were returning there. He remained silent all year, not daring to tell anyone about what he had seen. He silently prayed to God to show him the desired face again. He was tormented and tormented, imagining how long the year lasted and wishing that, if possible, the year would be reduced to one day. When Sunday arrived, the beginning of the holy fast, everyone immediately went out into the desert with the usual prayer and singing psalms. His illness held him back; he lay in a fever. And Zosima remembered what the saint told him: “Even if you want to leave the monastery, it will be impossible for you.” Many days passed, and, having recovered from illness, he stayed in the monastery. When the monks returned again, and the day of the Last Supper arrived, he did as he was commanded. And taking into the small chalice the most pure Body and the holy Blood of Christ our God, he put figs and dates and some lentils soaked in water into the basket. He leaves late in the evening and sits on the banks of the Jordan, awaiting the arrival of the saint. The holy wife hesitates, but Zosima does not fall asleep, does not take her eyes off the desert, expecting to see what she desires. Sitting on the ground, the elder thought to himself: “Or did my unworthiness prevent her from coming? Or did she come and, not finding me, turn back? So speaking, he began to cry, and having cried, he groaned and, raising his eyes to heaven, began to pray to God: “Give me, O Lord, to see again what you have once vouchsafed. Let me not go away in vain, taking with me the evidence of my sins.” Having prayed like this with tears, he came to another thought. Told myself: “What will happen if she comes? No shuttle. How will she cross the Jordan to me, unworthy? Oh, I'm pathetic, miserable! Who deprived me, and on merit, of such a benefit? And while the elder was thinking, the holy wife appeared and stood on the other bank of the river from where she had come. Zosima stood up, rejoicing and rejoicing and praising God. And again the thought came over him that she could not cross the Jordan. He sees that she overshadowed the Jordan with the sign of the Honorable Cross (and the night was moonlit, as he himself said), and immediately stepped onto the water and moved along the waves, approaching him. And when he wanted to throw, she forbade him, shouting, still walking on the water: - “What are you doing, Abba, you are a priest and bear the Divine Gifts.” He obeyed her, and she, coming ashore, said to the old man: - “Bless, father, bless.” He answered her, trembling (frenzy took over him at the sight of the miraculous phenomenon): – “God is truly not a liar, who promised that those who purify themselves to the best of their ability will become like Him. Glory to Thee, Christ our God, who through this Thy servant showed me how far I am from perfection.” Then his wife asked him to read the holy creed and the “Our Father.” He began, she finished the prayer and, as usual, gave the elder a kiss of peace on the mouth. Having partaken of the Life-giving Mysteries, she raised her hands to heaven and sighed with tears, exclaiming: “Now do You let Your servant go, O Master, in peace, according to Your word: for my eyes have seen Your salvation.” - “Forgive me, Abba, and fulfill my other desire. Go now to the monastery, and may the grace of God protect you. And next year come again to the source where I first met you. Come for God’s sake and you will see me again, for such is the will of God.” “From this day on, I would like to follow you and always see your holy face. Fulfill the old man’s only request and take some of the food I brought you.” And with these words he points to the basket. She, touching the lentils with her fingertips, and taking three grains, brought them to her lips, saying that the grace of the Spirit prevails to preserve the nature of the soul undefiled. And again she said to the elder: - “Pray, for God’s sake, pray for me and remember the unfortunate woman.” He, touching the saint’s feet and asking her prayers for the Church, for the kingdom and for himself, released her with tears and went away, groaning and lamenting. For he did not hope to defeat the invincible. She again, having crossed the Jordan, stepped onto the waters and walked along them, as before. And the elder returned, filled with both joy and fear, reproaching himself for not having thought to find out the name of the saint. But I hoped to fix it next year. When a year has passed, he again goes into the desert, having completed everything according to custom and hastening towards a wonderful vision. Having passed through the desert and already seeing some signs pointing to the place he was looking for, he looks to the right, looks to the left, moving his eyes everywhere, like an experienced hunter who wants to catch his favorite animal. But, not seeing any movement anywhere, he began to shed tears again. And, turning his gaze to heaven, he began to pray: “Show me, Lord, Your pure treasure that You hid in the desert. Show me, I pray, an angel in the flesh, whom the world is not worthy of.” Having thus prayed, he came to a place that looked like a stream, and on the other bank, facing the rising sun, he saw the saint lying dead: her hands were folded as it should be, and her face was turned to the east. Running up, he watered the blessed woman’s feet with tears: he did not dare touch anything else. After crying for quite some time and reading appropriate psalms for the occasion, he said a funeral prayer and thought to himself: “Is it proper to bury the body of a saint? or will it be displeasing to her?” And he sees the words written on the ground near her head: “Bury, Abba Zosima, in this place the body of the humble Mary, give the ashes to the ashes, having prayed to the Lord for me, who reposed in the Egyptian month of Farmufi, called April in Roman, on the first day, on this very night of the Passion of the Lord, after communion of the Divine and Last Supper.” Having read the letters, the elder was glad that he recognized the name of the saint. Realizing that as soon as she received communion of the Divine Mysteries, she was immediately transported from the Jordan to the place where she died. The path that Zosima traversed with difficulty in twenty days, Mary covered in one hour and immediately moved to God. Having glorified God and pouring tears over his body, he said: “It’s time, Zosima, to fulfill the commandment. But how can you, unfortunate one, dig a grave without anything in your hands?” And then he saw nearby a small piece of wood abandoned in the desert. Taking it, he began to dig the ground. But the earth was dry and did not yield to the elder’s efforts. He was tired and sweating. He sighed from the depths of his soul and, raising his eyes, saw a large lion standing near the body of the saint and licking her feet. Seeing the lion, he trembled with fear, especially remembering Mary’s words that she had never seen animals. But, having protected himself with the sign of the Cross, he believed that the power lying here would keep him unharmed. The lion approached him, expressing affection with every movement. Zosima said to the lion: - “The Great One ordered to bury her body, and I am old and unable to dig a grave (I don’t have a shovel and can’t return to such a distance to bring a usable tool), let’s do the work with your claws, and we will give the holy tabernacle of death to the earth.” He was still speaking, and the lion had already dug a hole with his front paws, large enough to bury the body. The elder again watered the saint’s feet with tears and, calling on her to pray for everyone, covered the body with earth, in the presence of the lion. It was naked, as before, covered with nothing except the torn robe thrown by Zosima, with which Maria, turning away, covered part of her body. Then both left. The lion went deep into the desert, like a lamb, Zosima returned to himself, blessing and glorifying Christ our God. Arriving at the monastery, he told the monks everything, did not hide anything that he heard and saw. From the very beginning he told them everything in detail, and everyone was amazed, hearing about the miracles of God, and with fear and love they commemorated the saint. Abbot John found some in the monastery who needed correction, so that not a single word of the saint turned out to be fruitless or unsolved. Zosima also died in that monastery, having reached almost a hundred years of age. The monks preserved this legend without writing it down, offering an image for edification to everyone who wanted to listen. But it was not heard that anyone wrote this story to this day. I told about what I learned orally in writing. Perhaps others also described the life of a saint, and much better and more worthy than me, although this did not come to my attention. But I, to the best of my ability, wrote down this story, putting the truth above all else. May God, giving great rewards to those who resort to Him, will give benefit to those who read this story, as a reward to the one who ordered it to be written down, and may He be worthy to be accepted into that rank and host where the blessed Mary dwells, about whom this story is told, along with all those who have pleased Him from the ages with their thoughts and works. Let us also give glory to God, the King of all ages, that He may also honor us with His mercy on the day of judgment, in Christ Jesus our Lord; to Him belongs all glory, honor and worship, with the beginningless Father and the Most Holy and Good and Life-giving Spirit, now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen. In publishing the life of our venerable mother Mary of Egypt, we were solely guided by the desire to preserve the old Russian language of this masterpiece of Orthodox spiritual literature. In some foreign publications there were attempts to re-edit this wonderful work into a more modern language. Such revisions, however, were not successful, which was to be expected, because the life of St. Mary of Egypt is not just a story that can be presented to the modern reader in modern Russian in any publication, but almost a liturgical reading that requires a special style, a special spiritual flavor and inner harmony with Lenten Orthodox worship. This old Russian language in the life of the patristic work of St. Sophronius, Patriarch of Jerusalem, offered here, is also remarkable in that it is completely understandable for the wide mass of believers, but nevertheless it is not the modern Russian language, which could sound dissonant among the liturgical Church Slavonic texts of stichera and troparia. You might be interested in: