Глава III. О сокрушении сердца

1. Abba Anthony said: always have the fear of God before your eyes, remember the One who kills and gives life, brings down to hell and raises up (1 Samuel 2:6). Hate the world and everything in it; hate all carnal rest, renounce this life in order to live for God; remember what you promised to God, for He will require it from us on the day of judgment; hunger, thirst, be hungry, be awake, weep, lament, groan in your heart; test yourself whether you are worthy of God; despise the flesh in order to save your souls. 2. They said about Abba Arseny that all the time of his life, sitting at needlework, he had a scarf on his chest because of the tears that fell from his eyes. 3. The brother asked Abba Ammon to speak to him, and the elder replied: go, set your thoughts the way they are set in the minds of criminals in prison, who anxiously ask people: where is the judge? When will he come? - and cry while waiting. Likewise, a monk must constantly listen to his soul and say: woe is me! How will I appear before the throne of Christ and how will I be justified before Him? If you always think like this, you can be saved. 4. He said: when you sit in your cell, gather your mind and remember the day of death, imagine the deadness of the body at that time, understand that misfortune and accept the work, despise worldly vanity and kindle your jealousy, so that your intention to remain silent always remains the same and does not weaken. Remember also about the state in hell and thoughts, what it is like for the souls there, in what bitter silence and terrible groaning they are in, in what fear, languor, expectation, in what mental anguish, in what tears and torment. Remember the day of resurrection and appearing before God and think about that terrible and terrible judgment. Imagine what is determined for sinners - shame before the face of God and His Christ, before the face of Angels, Archangels, Authorities and all people; imagine all kinds of torment - eternal fire, an undying worm, tartar, the darkness that is over all this, gnashing of teeth, fears and torment. Imagine also the blessings determined by the righteous - boldness before God the Father and His Christ, before the Angels, Archangels, Authorities and the whole multitude of people, the kingdom and its gifts - joy and consolation. Constantly keep the memory of both in your mind, and when you remember the condemnation of sinners, groan, cry, shed tears, fearful at the thought of whether you yourself will be among them, and when you remember the blessings assigned to the righteous, rejoice, be comforted and be glad, and strive to be worthy of these and to avoid those. Look, never forget to remember this, whether you are inside the cell or somewhere outside, never separate your mind from this, so that at least through this you will be protected from harmful thoughts. 5. Abba Aio told about one brother named Apollo, who had previously been a village shepherd and now lived in Skete, the following: he saw in the field a woman who had a baby in her womb, and at the inspiration of the devil he said to himself: I want to see the baby lying in her womb, and, tearing open the womb, I saw the baby. But immediately his heart trembled greatly, and he, coming into great contrition, went to Skete and told the fathers about what he had done. There he heard them singing: the days of our years are seventy years old, and if they are able, they are eighty years old, and their labor and illness are multiplied (Ps. 89:10), and he said to them: I am forty years old and I have never prayed; Now, if I live another forty years, I will not stop begging God to forgive me my sins. From then on, without doing any handicraft, he prayed incessantly, saying: as a man who has sinned, You, as God, have mercy on me. And this prayer was for him as a lesson day and night. Another brother lived with him, who often heard him say: I have grieved You, Lord; loosen up, but just a little. And he received confirmation that God had forgiven him all his sins and the sin of killing his wife, but regarding the baby he did not receive any certificate. But one of the elders said to him: God forgave you and the sin of killing the baby, but left you in languor because it is good for your soul. 6. The brother asked Abba Pimen: my thoughts confuse me and force me, having left my sins, to notice the shortcomings of my brother. To this, the elder told him the following about Abba Dioscorus: he sat in his cell and cried for himself. His disciple, who lived in another cell, came to him and found him crying, and finally asked him: Father, what are you crying about? The elder replied: I am crying for my sins. His disciple said to him: You have no sins, father. The elder said: believe me, my son, if I had been allowed to see my sins, then the other three or four brothers would not have been enough to mourn them. 7. Abba Evagrius said: always remember the eternal judgment, do not forget about your outcome - and there will be no sin in your soul. 8. Abba Elijah said: I am afraid of three events: when my soul leaves my body, when I appear before God, and when the last decree about me comes out. 9. Abba Elijah of the deacons said: what power does sin have where there is repentance; and what is the use of deeds of love where there is arrogance. 10. Blessed Archbishop Theophilus said: what fear and trembling and what need we will see when the soul is separated from the body! For then hordes of opposing forces will come to us, princes of darkness, evil rulers of the world, principalities and powers - these spirits of evil and in some way will rightfully take possession of the soul, representing all its sins, committed in knowledge and not in knowledge, from youth to the age at which it is overtaken by death; they will stand and denounce everything she has done. What trembling, think, the soul will have at that hour - until the definition comes out and its liberation is accomplished! This is the hour of her need - until she knows what will be determined for her. On the other hand, the divine forces will stand face to face with the opposing forces and expose their good deeds. Imagine in what fear and trembling the soul will remain, standing in the middle, until the trial over it receives a decision from the Righteous Judge. If she turns out to be worthy, then the demons will be put to shame, and she, snatched away from them, will begin a carefree life, as it is written: For those who rejoice have their dwelling place in You (Ps. 86:7). Then the words of Scripture will be fulfilled: sickness and sorrow and sighing will run away (Isa. 35:10); and, liberated, the soul will flow to the unspeakable joy and glory that it will be awarded. If it turns out that the soul lived carelessly, then it will hear the most terrible voice: let the wicked be lifted up, let him not see the glory of the Lord (Isa. 26:10). Then a day of wrath will come upon her, a day of sorrow and need, a day of darkness and gloom. Consigned to utter darkness and condemned to eternal fire, the soul will suffer there for endless centuries. Where then is worldly glory? Where is the vanity? Where are the joys? Where are the pleasures? Where is the pomp? Where is the peace? Where is the grandeur? Where is the wealth? Where is the nobility? Where is father? Where is mother? Where are the brothers? Which of them will help deliver her, burned by fire and overwhelmed by bitter torment? If so, then what should we be like in our lifestyle and deeds of piety? What kind of love should we have? What morals? What kind of life? Which way? What kind of loyalty? What prayer? What hardness? Moreover, beloved, as the Apostle teaches: We long for these, and strive to be undefiled and undefiled so that He may be found in peace (2 Peter. 3:14), may we be worthy to hear this word of Him: come, blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world (Matthew 25:34). 11. The same Abba Theophilus, the archbishop, ended, said: blessed are you, Abba Arseny, for always remembering this hour. 12. The fathers said that once, when the brothers were eating love at a supper, one brother laughed at the meal. Seeing this, Abba John began to cry and said: what is it in his brother’s heart if he laughed, when he should have cried better, for he was eating alms. 13. Abba Isaac and Abba Abraham lived together. One day, entering his cell, Abba Abraham found Abba Isaac crying and asked him: why are you crying? The elder answered: How can we not cry, for our fathers have fallen asleep? And who will we go to? Previously, when we went to the elders, the funds from handicrafts were enough to pay for the ship. But now we are orphans, and this is why I cry. 14. Abba Jacob said: just as a lamp placed in a dark spoon illuminates it, so the fear of God, when it comes to the heart, enlightens it and teaches it all the virtues and commandments of God. 15. Abba John from his cell said: there lived in Egypt one harlot, beautiful in appearance and very rich, whom even noble people visited. One day she approached the church and wanted to enter, but the subdeacon standing at the door blocked her path and said: you are unworthy to enter the church of God, because you are unclean. When he began to argue with her, the bishop came out in response to the noise, and the woman complained to him that the subdeacon did not allow her to enter the church. And the bishop said to her: You cannot enter, because you are unclean. At these words, the woman became contrite and promised to leave her profession, to which the bishop said: I will believe that you will no longer commit fornication if you bring all your precious things here. She brought it, and they were immediately burned. After this, the woman entered the church and said with tears: if this happened to me here, then how can I suffer there? Having repented, she became a chosen vessel. 16. Abba Longinus said: fasting humbles the body, vigil purifies the mind, silence brings crying, crying washes a person as in baptism and makes him sinless. 17. Abba Longinus had great contrition during his prayer and his psalmody. One day a student asked him: Abba! Such is the spiritual law that a monk should cry about his rule? The elder said: so, my son, this is the law that God requires. God did not create man for weeping, but for joy and gladness, so that they would glorify Him purely and sinlessly, like the Angels. Crying became necessary for man after he fell into sin. Where there is no sin, there is no need for crying. 18. Some of the fathers asked Abba Macarius of Egypt: Why is it, whether you eat or fast, that your body is always dry? The elder answered them: a stick with which burning brush is moved is certainly consumed by fire; in the same way, if a person purifies his mind in the fear of God, the very fear of God consumes his body. 19. Once the elders who lived on the mountain sent to Abba Macarius in Skete to ask him to come to them, saying: Father! So that the whole brotherhood does not bother you, we ask you to come to us so that we can see you before you depart to God. When he came to the mountain, the whole brotherhood gathered to him. The elders asked him to say a word to the brothers. Hearing this, he said: Let us weep, brothers, and let our eyes be filled with tears before we go to where our tears will burn our bodies. And they all cried, fell on their faces and said: Father! Pray for us. 20. Abba Paphnutius, a student of Abba Macarius, recounted the following words of the elder: when I was a youth, together with other youths I herded young bulls. They went to steal figs, and when they ran back, one of them fell; I took it and ate it. As soon as I remember this, I sit down and cry. 21. Abba Macarius said: once walking through the desert, I attacked the skull of a dead man lying on the ground. I shook it with a palm stick, and the skull spoke to me. I tell him: who are you? The skull answered me: I was the priest of idols among the Hellenes who lived in this place, and you are Macarius, the spirit-bearer. While you, having compassion on those in torment, pray for them, they feel some kind of joy. The elder asked him: what kind of joy is this and what kind of torment? The skull said: as far as the sky is from the earth, so much fire is below us, and we all stand in fire - from our feet to our heads. We cannot see anyone's face, because everyone's face is turned to the other's back. But when you pray for us, then in part the other sees the face of the other. Such is the joy. The elder began to cry and said: woe to the day on which the man was born. Then he asked him again: is there another torment - more severe? He answered: the torment under us is more terrible. The elder asked him: who is there? The skull said: we who did not know God, although we received mercy somewhat; but those who know God and those who reject Him are under us. Then the elder took and buried the skull in the ground. 22. The brother asked Abba Moses: what should a person do when temptation or any enemy thought comes upon him? The elder answered him: he must cry in the face of the goodness of God, may he help him, and will soon receive peace if he only asks with reason, as it is written: The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man will do to me (Ps. 117:6). 23. Abba Moses said: when we are overcome by some kind of carnal passion, let us not be negligent to repent and cry for ourselves, before the cry of judgment befalls us. 24. He said: a man acquires virtue through tears, and for the sake of tears he receives remission of sins. When you weep, do not lift up the voice of your groaning, lest your fool know what your right hand is doing (Matthew 6:3). Shuytsa is vanity. 25. The brother asked Abba Matoya: say a word to me. And he said to him: cut off every dispute about any matter from yourself; but weep and howl, for the time is near. 26. When Abba Mark and her Abba Silouan, leaving Skete, came to Mount Sinai and lived there, Mark’s mother visited them and begged the elder with tears to send her son to see him. Mark put on a mantle to go out and came to give a kiss to the elder, but suddenly he began to cry and did not come out. 27. One day, Abba Pimen, passing through Egypt, saw a woman who, sitting at the grave, wept bitterly, and said: if all the joys of this world come, even then her soul will not deviate from crying. A monk should always have such a cry within himself. 28. Once Abba Pimen walked with Abba Anuv outside Diocles and, passing by the cemetery, they saw a woman who was greatly tormented and weeping bitterly. Stopping and looking at her, they went further and soon learned from a man they met that her husband, son and brother had died. Then Abba Pimen, turning to Abba Anuv, said: I assure you, if a person does not mortify all carnal desires and does not acquire such crying, he cannot be a monk. This woman’s whole life and her whole mind are in crying. 29. He said: crying is twofold, that is, it has two actions: it does and it preserves. 30. The brother asked Abba Pimen: what should I do? The elder answered him: Abraham, having come to the land of promise, bought himself a burial place and inherited the land through the grave. The brother asked: what does “coffin” mean? The elder said: a place of crying and sobbing. 31. The brother asked Abba Pimen: what should I do with my sins? The elder answered him: he who wants to atone for sins, atones for them by crying; and whoever wants to acquire virtues acquires them by crying. Weeping is the way that the Scripture and our fathers handed down to us, saying: weep, for besides this there is no other way. 32. The brother asked Abba Pimen: what should I do with the thoughts that worry me so much? The elder answered him: we will cry in the face of God’s goodness in all our burdens, until He shows His mercy to us. 33. Abba Joseph related that Abba Isaac said: while sitting one day with Abba Pimen, he noticed that Abba was in admiration. Having great boldness towards him, he bowed and asked: tell me, father, where have you been? Being forced, Abba Pimen said: my thought was where the Most Holy Theotokos Mary stood and wept at the cross of the Savior. And I wish I could always cry like this. 34. The brother asked Abba Pimen: what should I do? So the elder said to him: when God visits us, what will we care about then? The brother answered: about our sins. The elder said to him: so, let us enter our cell and, sitting in it, we will remember our sins, and the Lord will descend upon us in everything. 35. Blessed Athanasius, Archbishop of Alexandria, asked Abba Pambo to come from the desert to Alexandria. Arriving in the city, Abba saw a woman from the theater and began to cry. Those who were with him urged him to say why he cried, and Abba Pamvo answered: two things touched me: the first was the death of this woman, and the second was that I do not have the same zeal to please God as I have to please indecent people. 36. Abba Paul said: I am immersed up to my neck in mud and weeping before Jesus, crying out: have mercy on me! 37. Abba Silouan, sitting one day with the brethren, fell into admiration and fell on his face. After quite some time, he stood up and cried. The brothers asked him: what is the matter with you, father? But he was silent and crying. When they finally forced him, he said: I was caught up to judgment and saw that many of our kind were going into torment and many of the laity were going to the kingdom. So the old man cried and did not want to leave his cell. If any need forced him to go out, he covered his face with a hood and said: Why should I look at this temporary light, from which there is no benefit. 38. The brother asked Abba Silouan: what should I do, Abba, and how to gain contrition, for despondency and sleep greatly overcome me? Having gotten up from sleep, I struggle a lot with myself and, despite the fact that I recite the psalms in a chant, I just can’t overcome sleep. The elder answered: the fact that you read the psalms in a chant is pride and exaltation, that is, I sing, but my brother does not sing. Singing hardens and cools the heart and does not allow the soul to fall into contrition. Therefore, if you want to gain contrition, give up singing and, when you stand in prayer, delve into the power of each verse with your mind, thinking at the same time that you are standing before the face of God, who tests hearts and wombs. When you get up from sleep, first of all let your lips glorify God, but do not begin your rule immediately, but first leave your cell, saying in verse: I believe... and Our Father, who is in heaven..., then go in and begin your rule quietly, sighing and remembering your sins and the torment in which you have to suffer. The brother said: Abba, since I became a monk, I have chanted the order, the rule and the hours according to the voices. That is why contrition and crying flee from you,” answered the elder. – Remember the great fathers! How simple they were and knew nothing except a few psalms, knew neither voices nor troparia, and yet they shone like luminaries in the world. Witnesses to my word are Abba Paul the Simple, Abba Pamvo, Abba Apollo and others, who raised the dead and showed power over demons not by singing, nor by troparions and voices, but by prayer and fasting; for it is not the goodwill of singing that saves a person, but the fear of God and the fulfillment of the commandments of Christ. The singing brought many down to the underworld and cast not only the laity, but also the priests into the pit of fornication and other passions. Moreover, singing, my son, is the work of the laity, for that is why people gather in church. Think about how many ranks there are in heaven, and it is not written about them that they sing according to their voices, but one rank incessantly sings: Alleluia; another rank: holy is the Lord of hosts; another order: blessed is the glory of our Lord. So, my son, love the humility of Christ and pay attention to yourself, keeping your mind in the hour of prayer; also, wherever you go, do not pretend to be a knowledgeable person or a leader, but be humble in your wisdom, and God will give you contrition. 39. They said about Abba Serapion that his life was like the life of a feathered bird. He had absolutely nothing of the things of this age and did not live in a cell, but in one shirt with a small Gospel in his hands he walked everywhere, as if disembodied. They often found him outside the village, sitting along the way and weeping bitterly, and when they asked him why he was crying so much, the elder answered them: My Master entrusted me with His wealth, but I lost it, and He wants to torment me. Hearing this, they thought that he was talking to them about gold, and often, giving him some bread, they said: take it, brother, and eat, and God is free to send you the wealth that you lost. The elder answered them: Amen. 40. Mother Synklitikia said: for those who begin to work for God, at first there are many labors and feats, but then comes unspeakable joy. Just as those who want to burn a fire first smoke and weep and thus achieve what they want, so we must kindle the divine fire in ourselves with tears and labor, for Scripture says: Our God is a consuming fire (Heb. 12:29). 41. Abba Iperekhius said: the monk makes the night cheerful by sitting down to pray. By hurting his heart, he sheds tears and attracts mercy from heaven. 42. One brother came to Abba Felix with several laymen and asked him to say a word for edification. The old man was silent. But as he strongly begged him, he said to them: Do you want to hear the word? They answered him: yes, Abba. And the elder said to them: there is no more word. When the brethren asked the elders and did what they told them, God gave the elders their word - what and how to say. Now, since they ask and do not do what they hear, God took his grace from the elders, and they do not find what to say, because there is no one who does it. Having heard this, they sighed and said: pray for us, Abba! 43. They told about Abba Ora and Abba Theodore that one day, throwing clay on their cell, they said to each other: if God visits us now, what will we do? Weeping and leaving the clay, each one retreated to his cell. 44. Near one elder lived a brother who was somewhat careless in his monastic work. When he was dying, some of the fathers were sitting with him, and the elder, seeing that he was leaving with joy and joy, and wanting to provide edification to the brethren, said to him: we all know, brother, that you were not entirely zealous in asceticism. Why are you leaving with such joy? The brother answered: you are telling the truth, father. But believe me, since I became a monk, I don’t know that I have ever condemned a person, and if I happened to have displeasure with someone, I immediately - on the same day - made peace with him. And now I want to say to God: You said, Master: do not condemn, lest you be condemned: let go, and they will let you go (Luke 6:37). Then the elder said: Peace be with you, my son, you were saved without any difficulty. 45. The elder said: one brother who lived in Kellia spent twenty years practicing reading day and night. One day he got up, sold the books he had, and, taking his mantle, went into the inner desert. Having met him, Abba Isaac asked him: where are you going, my son? The brother answered him: I spent twenty years, father, studying instructions in books, but now I want to finally begin to implement what I learned from books. The elder said a prayer over him and released him. 46. ​​One day, having arrived at Canopus of Alexandria, ten miles from the city, we visited Abba Theodore, an active man with the gift of patience. He told us: in Kellia there lived one brother who had acquired the gift of contrition. It happened one day that, due to heart disease, tears flowed abundantly from his eyes. Noticing this, the brother said to himself: this surely means that the day of my death is near. But as soon as he thought this, tears flowed even more abundantly. Seeing that they were multiplying, he thought: truly, the time has come, and every day he cried more and more. Having received great edification from this story of the elder, we asked him about tears: why do they sometimes come by themselves, but sometimes they are not found with difficulty? The elder replied: tears are like snow and rain, but a monk is a farmer. When they arrive, he must strive so that nothing goes to waste, but everything enters the garden and gives him something to drink. I assure you, children, often one day of rain is more beneficial than the whole year and saves all the fruits. Therefore, when we notice that this day has come, we will strive to preserve ourselves and, having abstained from everything, diligently pray to God, for we do not know whether there will be the same rain on another day. We asked him again: how, Father, can a person maintain contrition when it comes? The elder answered: let him not go to anyone that day or year; let him guard his belly and heart, so that it does not dream that it cries like [...] 8 let him practice prayer and reading. However, when crying comes to us, it itself will teach us what favors it and what hinders it. At the same time, he told us the following: I knew about one brother who lived in a secluded cell and worked as a furrier. When tears came to him and he stood up to pray, the tears immediately stopped; when he sat down again and, taking the wickerwork, collected his mind, they immediately returned. In the same way, if while reading, coming to contrition, he stood up to pray, the contrition immediately receded, but as soon as he took up the book again, it came again. Then this brother said: the fathers said well that crying is a teacher, for it itself teaches a person what is favorable to him. 47. The elder said that a certain brother, who wanted to leave the world, was prevented from doing so by his own mother; but he did not abandon his intention and did not cease to bother her, saying: I want to save my soul. Since with all her efforts she could not prevent him, she finally gave permission. But having left her and becoming a monk, he spent his life in negligence. It happened that his mother died, and a year later he fell ill and he fell seriously ill without any hope of recovery and, falling into a frenzy, was taken to court, where he noticed his mother among the condemned. Seeing her son here, in amazement she asked him: my son, what is this? And are you condemned to this place? And where are your words: I want to save my soul? Ashamed of her words, he stood in grief, not having anything to answer. And then he heard a voice: take him from here; I sent for another monk of the same name from such and such a monastery. When the vision ended and the brother came to his senses, he told about everything that was to come, and in confirmation of the truth of what he had seen, he asked one of the brothers to go to the mentioned monastery and find out whether his brother of the same name had died, which was confirmed by those sent. After this, having recovered from his illness and strengthened, this brother locked himself in his cell and, caring only about his salvation, repented and cried about what he had previously done in negligence. And such was his contrition that many begged him to ease him up a little, fearing that some harm would happen to him from the immeasurable crying. But he did not want to be consoled and said: if I did not bear the reproach of my mother, then how can I bear the shame on the day of judgment before Christ and His holy Angels? 48. The elder said: if it were possible for human souls to leave the body after the resurrection at the second coming of Christ, then the whole world would die of horror and frenzy, for what would it be possible to see then: the heavens opening and God revealing himself with anger and indignation, countless armies of Angels and all of humanity. Therefore, we must live in such a way that every minute we are ready to give an account to God about our life. 49. The brother asked the elder: how does the fear of God come into the soul? And the elder said: if a person has humility, non-covetousness and non-condemnation, then the fear of God will come to him. 50. The brother came to the elder and asked him: why is my heart hard and I don’t fear God? The elder answered him: I think that if a person always frightens himself in his heart, he can soon acquire the fear of God. The brother asked again: what is this intimidation? And the elder said: in every matter, instill in your soul to remember that it must appear before God, and tell it this: what help can a person give me? I think that if a person constantly practices this, the fear of God will soon come to him. 51. One elder, seeing someone laughing, said to him: before the face of heaven and earth we have to give an account of all our life, but you laugh! 52. The elder said: just as we carry our sins with us everywhere, so we must have weeping and contrition with us wherever we are. 53. The brother asked the elder: what should I do? And he answered him: we must always cry, for this is what happened to one of the fathers: he died, and after several hours he returned to life again. We asked him: what did you see there, Abba? He told us weeping: I heard there a voice of weeping and incessant cries: woe is me! alas for me! This is how we should always cry. 54. The brother also asked: Father, why does my soul desire tears, but they do not come? My soul grieves for this. The elder answered him: the sons of Israel entered the land of promise after a forty-year wandering. If you enter into it, you will no longer be afraid of warfare. Therefore, God wants to keep the soul in sorrow, so that it always kindles within itself the desire to enter this land. 55. One zealous brother, having come to Mount Sinai from a foreign country, settled in a small cell. When he entered it for the first time, he found a small plate on which was written: Moses to Theodora - I am here to testify. Placing this little girl before his eyes, the brother asked the writer as if he were present: where are you now, man, although you say: I am here to testify? What world are you in at this hour? And where is the hand that wrote this? He did this every day and, constantly remembering death, remained in tears. His handicraft was to rewrite books. He took the papers from the brothers and indicated which one to write to whom, but he died without writing anything to anyone, only leaving the following words on small columns in each person’s notebook: forgive me, my fathers and brothers! I had a small matter with one person and for this reason I did not find time to write to you. 56. Near this brother lived another brother, originally from Elissa. One day, getting ready to go to the fortress 9, he asked his brother-scribe: do me a favor and look after the garden until I return. He replied: okay, I’ll try as much as I can. When the brother left, the one who remained said to himself: humbly! Take care of the garden while you have time. And in the evening he began to pray, and until the morning he did not stop singing and praying with tears, as well as the whole next day, which was Holy Sunday. His brother, his neighbor, came in the evening and found his garden destroyed by wild pigs, and said to him: God forgive you, brother, for not guarding the garden. He answered: God sees, Abba, I guarded as much as I could; and may God give us, as He knows, fruit in our small garden. The neighbor said: believe me, brother, everything is devastated. “I know,” he answered again, but I believe in God that everything will bloom again. At another time, the brother-gardener asked the brother-scribe: let's go water the garden. He answered him: go and water the fields now, and I will water at night. So, when there was no rain, the brother gardener was saddened and said to his neighbor the scribe: oh brother! If God does not help, then this year we will not have water. He answered him: Woe to us, brother! If the sources of the garden dry up, truly there will be no more salvation for us. He was talking about tears. Approaching death, this good ascetic asked his Elis neighbor: do me the favor of not telling anyone that I am sick, and stay here this day, and when I die, take my body and throw it into the desert to be devoured by animals and birds, for it has sinned a lot before God and is not worthy of burial. The gardener said to him: believe me, Abba, my soul hesitates to do such a thing. But the ascetic answered: let this sin be upon me; and I give you my word that if you listen to me and do this, then I will help you. When he died that same day, his brother fulfilled his commandment: he threw his naked body into the desert, and they lived twenty miles from the fortress in a place called Metemer. On the third day, he who had gone to the Lord appeared to his neighbor in a dream and said: May God have mercy on you, brother, as you have had mercy on me. Believe me, God did great mercy to me because my body remained unburied, for He said to me: look, for your great humility I have appointed you to be with Anthony. I asked for you too. Go and leave your garden and take care of another garden. Know that when my soul left my body, I saw how my tears extinguished the fire into which I was about to be cast. 57. Two brothers according to the flesh, having renounced the world, came to Mount Nitria and surrendered under the leadership of one father. God gave them both the gift of contrition and tears. One day the elder saw the following vision: both brothers, standing in prayer, held written charters and washed them with their tears. The writings of one of them were washed off easily, but of the other with difficulty, for it seemed as if they were written with burning ink. The elder prayed to God to explain this vision to him, and the Angel, appearing to him, said: the writings on the charters are their sins. One of them sinned by nature, therefore his falls are conveniently resolved; the other has been defiled by unclean and vile falls, therefore, in order to repent, he needs more work and more humility. From that time on, the elder said to that brother: work, brother, for they are burned and are washed off with difficulty. Saying this, the elder did not reveal the whole matter to him until his death, so as not to stop his zeal, but only repeated: work, brother, for it is difficult to wash away. 58. One of the fathers lived in Raifa in a place called Halkan. One elder came to him and said: Abba! I grieve when I let my brother leave me for something. He answered him: when I send a brother serving me somewhere, I sit near the door and watch. If a thought begins to speak in me: when will my brother come? - I answer him: and if another brother comes sooner, destined to take you to the Lord, what will happen then? And thus, looking at the door, every day I lament and cry for my sins, saying: which brother will come first - the one below or the one above? The elder departed with great benefit and afterward he himself acted in the same way. 59. One zealous brother, during the rule that he performed together with another brother, was overcome by tears, and he abandoned the verse of the psalm. One day his brother asked him what he was thinking about during the rule, that he was crying so bitterly? And he answered him: always during the rule I see the Judge, who, as if in court, like a criminal, tortures me, standing before Him, and asks why I sinned. Since I do not know what to say in defense, my lips are blocked, and I leave the verse of the psalm. But forgive me, brother, for upsetting you, and if you wish, let us each carry out our own rule separately. The brother objected to him: no, father, although I do not cry, looking at you, I reproach myself. And God, seeing his humility, granted him weeping, as he had granted to his brother. 60. One brother came to an elder who lived on Mount Sinai and asked him: Father! Tell me the word how to pray, for I have greatly angered God. The elder replied: When I pray, my son, I say this: Lord! Vouchsafe me to work for You as I worked for Satan, and to love You as I loved sin. 61. The same old man said: it is good to raise your hands to heaven during prayer and ask God so that the soul, upon its outcome, will safely pass by everyone who will try to put obstacles on its path to heaven. 62. At Sinai, one novice monk was sent by his abbot to his brother, who had a garden, to ask for some ripe fruits. Having come to his brother, the novice asked: Abba, do you have any ripe fruits? My Abba asked them for a little. He answered: my son, go and take for your health what is here and what you want. The novice then asked: is there, Abba, the mercy of God here? Hearing this, the brother became thoughtful and stood looking at the ground. Then he asked: what did you say, my son? He answered: I said, Abba: is there the mercy of God here? And he repeated his question a third time. Abba was silent for a good hour and, not finding what to answer, said with a sigh: “God is merciful, my son,” and let him go. After this, he took his mantle and immediately, leaving the garden, went out into the desert, saying to himself: let us go seek the mercy of God. If this beginner asked me, and I did not find what answer to give, then what should I do when God Himself asks me. 63. One brother, who lived on Mount Emon, came to the holy city and, approaching the mayor, confessed his sins to him, after which he asked to punish him according to the laws. Surprised by this, the mayor, having considered this within himself, said to him: listen, man of God, since you yourself voluntarily repented, I do not dare to judge you, leaving everything to God’s judgment, for perhaps God has already forgiven you. But the brother, returning from him, put chains on his feet and neck and locked himself in his cell. If any person asked him who put these heavy chains on him, then the brother answered: the mayor. The day before his death, these chains broke by themselves and fell off him. When the one serving him came, he was amazed at what he saw and asked: who broke your chains? He answered him: He who has forgiven my sins, for He appeared to me yesterday and said: for the sake of your patience I have forgiven all your sins. Then He touched the chains with His finger, and they immediately fell off me. Having told about this, the brother went to the Lord. 64. There was an official in Scythopolis who committed terrible deeds and desecrated his body in every possible way. Having come to repentance through the action of God's grace, he renounced the world and, having built himself a cell in a deserted place - in the depths of a ravine - he began to strive for the salvation of his soul. Some of his friends found out about this and began to send him bread and dates and everything he needed; however, he, seeing himself at peace - lacking nothing, said to himself: truly such a peaceful life deprives us of the peace there, and besides, I am not worthy of it. Therefore, leaving his cell, he withdrew from there, saying: let us go, soul, to sorrow, for grass - like animal food - is food suitable for me, defiled by bestial deeds. 65. When we arrived in Raifa, some of the brothers told us the following: there was an old man here - a hard worker who lived above the place called Israel. He also cared about the sobriety of his mind and stopped at almost every step, examined his thoughts and asked him: what is in you, brother? Where are we? And if he found his mind chanting and praying, he said: good. If he found thoughts about something else, he reproached himself and said: go back to your work from there. The elder always said to himself: brother! The hour of exodus is near, and I still don’t see anything inside myself. One day Satan appeared to him and said: Why are you toiling? Believe me, you won’t be saved anyway. The elder answered him: What do you care? Even if I will not be saved, I will still stand over your head, although lower than all those condemned to torment. 66. One elder who lived in Raifa did the following: sitting in his cell, he looked thoughtfully at the ground and, constantly shaking his head, said with a sigh: what will happen, what will happen? Then, after being silent for a while and working the weaving, he said again, without ceasing to shake his head: what will happen, what will happen? He spent all his days like this, constantly thinking about his outcome. 67. The elder said: it is fitting for a repentant to retire, to maintain the warmth of zeal, to grieve in heart, to cry, not to care about the world, not to be a burden to anyone, to embitter oneself, only to reprove and condemn oneself, to live with cramped conditions, to always be awake, and with a sickness of the heart, to constantly ask God for mercy for oneself. 68. The elder said: every sin that a man commits, except the body, is: but a fornicator sins against his own body (1 Cor. 6:18), because defilement comes from it; Likewise, every feat that a person performs exists besides the body, and he who sheds tears cleanses both the soul and the body, for, descending from above, the whole body washes and illuminates. 69. The brother asked the elder: how, father, does crying come to a person? The elder answered: crying is a matter of skill, and the one who seeks it must work for a long time, occupying his mind with thoughts either about the sins he has committed, or about torment, or about death, or about his fathers - how they passed away and where they are now - in a word, about all kinds of objects that can lead to contrition. The brother asked: is it possible, father, to remember your parents? The elder said: whatever thought disposes your soul to cry, occupy your mind with that, and when the tears come, then focus them on whatever you want: whether on memories of your sins or on other good thoughts. Thus, I knew one ascetic brother who, when his heart was hard, beat himself and began to cry in pain, and after this he proceeded to remember his sins. 70. Again he said: talking about faith and reading dogmatic reasoning drys up tears and drives away contrition, and the lives and sayings of the elders enlighten the soul. 71. He also said: there is nothing more destructive than the habit of sin - a lot of work and time is required in order to cut it off, and without long-term work it is impossible to succeed in this. While many were able to work, time was not given to everyone, for they were soon visited by death, and only God knows what will happen to them on the day of judgment. 72. One brother, who lived alone in his cell, often became despondent, for he fell into grave sin. Finally, in tears, not knowing what to do, he said to himself: what’s done is done. But his conscience reproached him, saying: but what was done was bad. From this he began to cry and cried until his death. 73. The elder said: he who sits in a cell and sings psalms is like a man who aspires to see the king; and the one who prays with tears is like one who has already embraced the king’s feet and asks him for mercy, like a harlot. 74. The elder said: little by little train your heart to say truly about each brother: this one is higher than me before God; or: this one is more zealous than me. In this way, you will finally achieve the point where you will place yourself lower than everyone else, and the Spirit of God will dwell in you. If you humiliate your brother, the grace of God will depart from you and give you over to carnal filth; your heart will harden and no contrition will visit you. 75. The elder said: God demands from the ascetic that he should have absolutely no attachment to anything material, even to a small needle, for this too can prevent his thoughts from crouching down to Jesus and crying. 76. He also said: woe to you, soul, that you are accustomed to only asking about the word of God and listening, but you do nothing of what you hear! Woe to you, body, that even though you know how you can be brought to defilement, you never cease to desire that, that is, satiety and comfort! Woe to the beginner if he satisfies his belly and believes his guilt. For such a person, renunciation of the world is also futile. 77. One brother who lived in Monidia, at the devil’s instigation, often fell into fornication, however, he never allowed himself to fall so low as to leave monasticism, but always, fulfilling his little rule, begged God with groaning, saying: Lord! Whether I want it or not, save me. I, like the earth, love sins; You, as a strong God, hold me back. For if you have mercy on a righteous man, that is no great thing; and if you save the pure, nothing is wondrous; worthy for the essence of Thy mercy. But on me, O Master, astonish Thy mercy; For this reason, show your love for mankind, for a beggar has been left for you to eat. So he prayed every day - whether he fell into sin or not. One night, having fallen into habitual sin, he immediately got up and began his rule. The demon, struck by his audacity and good shamelessness before God, appeared to him visibly and said: “Why are you not ashamed to stand before the face of God or even to name His name?” The brother answered him: this cell is an anvil - you give one blow and receive one. So I will patiently fight with you until my death, and God’s will be done in what state the last hour finds me. I just assure you with an oath: to him who came to save sinners through repentance, I will not stop praying to God against you until you stop fighting against me. And let's see who wins - you or God? Hearing this, the demon said to him: Believe me, in the future I will not fight you, so that for the sake of your patience I will not bring you a crown. And the demon of fornication departed from him from that day. This is how saving patience and not despairing of ourselves is, even if we often happen to fall into battles, sins and temptations! After this, having come into contrition, the brother sat and mourned his sins. If a thought told him: how well you cry! He answered him: anathema to this - “good.” Does God really please that someone should destroy his soul? Then he sat and mourned her, not yet knowing whether he would save her or not. 78. One brother lived alone in the Monidian side, and he always had this prayer: Lord! I am not afraid of You, but send me a fever, some kind of disaster, or illness, or demon, so that at least in this way my hardened soul may come into fear! Having said this, he added with tenderness: I know that it is impossible to forgive me, for I have sinned much before You, Master, but for the sake of Your generosity, forgive me. If this is impossible, punish me here, Master, and save me from punishment there. If this is also impossible, give me a portion here, and there ease me even a little of the severity of my torment, just begin from now on to punish me, but not in Your anger, Master. So for a whole year, in tears and fasting, he incessantly complained to God and, finally, in great humility of thoughts, he said to himself: but what does the word spoken by Christ mean: blessed are he who mourns: for they will be comforted (Matthew 5:4)? One day, sitting on the ground and weeping as usual, he dozed off from sadness and saw that Christ appeared to him and with a cheerful face he asked affably: what is the matter with you, man, and why are you crying so much? The brother answered: I am fallen, Lord. The one who appeared said to him: then arise. The brother answered: I cannot rise up unless You give me your hand. The Lord stretched out His hand and, lifting him up, said cordially: Why are you still crying, man, and what are you grieving about? The brother answered: How can I not cry, Lord, and not grieve, when I have offended You so much? He who appeared laid His hand on his head and said: Do not grieve - God is merciful. Since you yourself are tormenting yourself with such sorrow, from now on I no longer grieve for you: if I gave My blood for you, then will I not even more show My love for mankind to every repentant soul?! Having come to his senses after this vision, the brother found his heart filled with great joy and, making sure that God had shown mercy to him, in great humility he incessantly thanked God. 79. One brother, having renounced the world, settled on Mount Nitria. Near him was the cell of another brother, who heard how the settled brother wept bitterly every day about his sins, and if tears did not come to him, he said to his soul: are you not crying, pitiful one, and are you not weeping? Believe me, if you don’t want to cry yourself, I will force you to cry. Then he got up, took a whip from a stiff rope and beat himself until he began to cry from pain. Surprised by this, his brother, his neighbor, asked God to reveal to him whether he was doing a good thing, torturing himself like this? And then one night in a dream he saw this brother wearing a crown, standing in the choir of martyrs, and when he looked at him, he heard a voice: you see - this good ascetic, tormenting himself for Christ, is crowned as a martyr! 80. One old man, who lived on the other side of Klysma, once went to Egypt for his needs and took his disciple with him. Having arrived in a city called Kinno, they stayed there for a whole week and saw how, from the very morning, the men and wives of this city went out to the cemetery and each cried over their deceased until the third hour. Seeing this, the elder said to his disciple: Do you see, brother, what are they doing? Believe me, if we do not do the same, we will go into eternal torment. Returning to their place, they immediately made coffins for themselves at a considerable distance from one another and every day, sitting down in the morning, they cried for their souls as if they were dead. If a student ever fell asleep in the morning, the elder shouted to him: get up, brother, get up! However, they had a certain hour both for crying on the coffins and for their handicrafts. One day the brother said to the elder: Abba! My soul is hard, and I cannot cry. The elder answered: struggle, my son, work a little, and God, seeing your work, will give you tears, which will come to you without difficulty. For, I assure you, just as there is no healing for a heart pierced by an arrow, so when God wounds the heart with weeping, it remains wounded until death, and painful contrition never leaves it; so that wherever he goes, he will go with him and weep in his heart. One day the elder noticed that his disciple was burdened with food, for that evening they had visitors, and he said to him privately: or don’t you know, brother, that crying is a lit lamp? If you do not cover it securely, it will immediately go out; so too much eating extinguishes it; and long sleep prevents him; and condemnation extinguishes it; and much talk destroys it, and all rest of the flesh destroys it. He who loves God must give a portion of everything to Christ. The brother asked: what does this mean, father? And the elder answered: when you have clean bread, leave it for someone else, and eat the unclean one yourself - for Christ’s sake; if good wine happens, pour a little otset into it and drink - for the sake of Christ, who drank otset; also, do not eat your fill, but leave a little, saying: this is Christ’s portion; if you find a soft head, leave it and put a stone - for Christ's sake; If you feel cold while lying down, be patient, telling yourself that others are not sleeping at all; if you are reproached, be silent, saying: for Christ’s sake, for He too was reproached for our sake; if you are preparing gruel for yourself, spoil it a little, saying that others - worthy - do not eat bread, and I - unworthy - eat gruel, whereas I should eat ashes and dust - and just mix a little bitterness into everything - both in food, and in sleep, and in work; always live humbly, remembering how the saints lived, so that when the last hour comes, it will find us in sorrow and distress; and we would find peace there. 81. The elder said: if your thoughts inspire you to prepare various dishes for the holiday, do not listen to it, otherwise you will celebrate in the Jewish way, for that is how they celebrate. But for a monk the best food is crying and tears. 82. Again he said: if you leave your cell somewhere and notice that your contrition has weakened in any way, return quickly and hasten to restore your former rite, that is, crying. 83. He also said: if you want to gain mourning, make sure that all your vessels and all your things are poor, like those of your brothers sitting in the marketplace (that is, the poor). 84. He also said: if you do not have contrition, then know that you have vanity, for this passion most of all does not allow the soul to come into contrition. 85. Again he said: when God gives you weeping, do not think that you are doing a great thing, for blessed is he who has no need of weeping. If God sees that a person’s heart is vain with tears, then he takes them from him; after this, the heart of such a person again becomes hard, and he dies. 86. He also said: when God gives you contrition, then leave your handicraft, if you see that it is useful, and give yourself over to crying. Isn’t the day of your departure near, and God has given you mourning, so that through it you may find even a little mercy? For just as Satan, at the death of a person, tries to destroy him, so God often saves him at the death of a person, putting good dispositions in his heart. 87. He said: if there is a cemetery in the place where you live, go there often and think about those who rest there, especially during carnal warfare. Also, when you find out that some brother is going to the Lord, go and stay with him so that you can see how the soul is separated from the body. 88. He also said: if, after falling into sin, you turn into sin and begin to grieve and repent, see that you do not cease to lament and sigh to the Lord until the very day of your death, so that otherwise you will not soon fall into the same ditch, for only sorrow for God is a bridle for the soul, not allowing it to fall. 89. He said again: as soon as Satan sees that God is showing His mercy to you, giving contrition to your soul, he immediately begins to remind you of various things, as if they were absolutely necessary, saying: now do this and that, because there is a need for this; or: go and visit so-and-so because he is sick. He does all this so that he won’t let you get away from everything and won’t let you taste the sweetness of crying. If, having understood the cunning of Satan, you take care to keep crying, diligent in contrite and humble prayer, then expect sorrowful temptation either from people or from demons, for Satan usually fights more powerfully against a person when he resists him more courageously; Anger most of all destroys contrition and humility of the soul. If thoughts and demons surround you while you sit silently in your cell, immediately get up and pray, and then walk outside, and they will run away from you and dissipate. 90. The elder said: sitting in your cell, constantly keep the memory of God, and the fear of God will embrace you, and will drive out from your soul all sin, all evil and all lawlessness. 91. And he also said: the fear of God saves a person from sin; he who acquires it has in it a treasury filled with blessings. 92. One elder, who lived alone in a cell during his sixty years of hermitage, never stopped crying and always said: God has given us this time for repentance, and therefore only repentance should we seek. 93. It was said about one elder that before becoming a monk he was a shepherd and tended oxen. One day he went with them to Jericho, where in an inn one of the oxen stepped on a small child and killed him. Amazed by this, he left everything and retired to Arnon, where he began to become a hermit and mourn his sin, saying: I committed a murder and, as a murderer, I have to be condemned in court. Near that place by the river there lived a lion, and the old man began to go into the lion’s den every day, beat him and make him angry so that he would eat him; the lion did not harm him at all. The elder, seeing his failure, said to himself: I will lie down on the road along which the lion walks, and when he goes to the river to drink, he will eat me. He lay down, and after a little time, a lion appeared; however, like a man, he calmly jumped over the old man, without even touching him. Having made sure that God did not impute sin to him, the elder came to one of the monasteries and spent the rest of his life there, edifying everyone with salvation until his death. 94. The brother asked the elder: what should I do, Abba, for when I see someone sinning, I condemn him; If I hear about a negligent brother, I hate him and thereby destroy my soul. The elder replied: when you hear something like this, quickly jump away from this thought and run to the thought of that terrible day and imagine a terrible throne and an incorruptible Judge; rivers of fire flowing before that throne and boiling with flame; never-ending torment and execution that has no end; impenetrable darkness, pitch darkness, never-ending worm, unsolvable prisons, gnashing of teeth and inconsolable crying. This is what we should think about, this is what inevitable troubles our thoughts should contain! That judge will have no need for accusers and witnesses, for evidence and denunciation, but just as what has been done will come forth on Wednesday before the eyes of those who have sinned. Then no one will come to snatch you away from torment - neither father, nor son, nor daughter, nor any other relative, nor neighbor, nor friend, nor patron; Then neither money, nor wealth, nor power will help, for all this will dissipate like dust from under your feet. One person convicted will receive from what he has done either a verdict that justifies or condemns him; then no one will be judged for another, but only for what he himself has sinned. Knowing this, do not judge anyone, and you will be at peace. The next word is missing from the manuscript. After the beating of the Raifa and Sinai fathers, for safety from raids, the main Sinai monastery and church were surrounded by a wall, which is why it received the appearance and name of a fortress. In case of danger, all the fathers who labored in various gorges of the Sinai Mountains took refuge there. You might be interested in: