Tales of the massacre of the monks on Mount Sinai and the captivity of Theodulus, son of Nilov.

Essay by Rev. Nile of Sinai “Tales of the Massacre of the Monks on Mount Sinai and the Captivity of Theodulus, Son of Nilov” consists of 7 legends. The time when the treatise was written is unknown. The story of the captivity of the young man Theodulus alternates with stories about events that took place both in the past and simultaneously with the moment of narration. The essay contains a description of monastic life in Sinai, a discussion about Divine Providence, etc. The narrators are: Saint Nile (Theodulus's father), a prisoner (who escaped from the barbarians), Theodulus herself, as well as a man who predicts his release. In tales 1 and 2, the author says that having lost his son Theodulus after an attack by barbarians, he came to mourn his fate in Sinai Paran (now Wadi Fayran). Local monks, wanting to console the elder, began to compassionately ask about the reasons for his grief. Answering their questions, the author outlined the story of his life: how he left married life with the consent of his wife, how he went to Sinai with Theodulus, how they were attacked in the church by barbarians who took with them, along with other monks, his beloved son Theodulus. In story 3, the author describes the life of the barbarians who attacked the Sinai monks. These are nomads whose religion lies in the veneration of the morning star (“Lucifer”), to which they sacrifice, first of all, beautiful young men who were captured by them. Then Rev. Nile describes the virtues and works of the Sinai monks, showing their pious life and great ascetic deeds. In tales 4-5, the author talks in detail about the sudden barbaric attack on Sinai, the martyrdom of several monks, the captivity of Theodulus and his difficult fate. Legends 6-7 say that the son of the Nile was not killed, but was sold into slavery in the city of Elusa (in Palestine). There he was ransomed by the “priest of the Divine Mysteries of Christ” (local bishop). Soon, father and son were reunited and vowed to devote themselves completely to God. St. Nil and Theodulus, before returning home, were ordained priests by the bishop who bought them. *The title of the essay in Greek is Σινῦ αὐτοῦ. *The title of the work in Latin is Narrationes VII de caedibus monachorum montis Sinae et captivitate Theoduli filii eius; Narrationes septem de monachis in Sina. See also: Nilus the monk, the story of the murder of the monks on Mount Sinai and the captivity of Theodulus, the son of his saint. Neil of Sinai Saint Nile, after the recent loss of Theodulus, not heeding the consolation of his interlocutors, mourns his grief before them Wandering after the invasion of the barbarians, I came to Paran and heard 1: some, passing by, glorify the desert life and in conversation among themselves weave many praises for it, namely: that it is filled with silence, free from any rebellion, gives in silence space to the soul that philosophizes about the visible and, through the visible, extending further, elevates it to approaching God-Eating - this extreme limit of desires and the final bliss, according to the unanimous confession of all the wise of all ages. When I looked at them attentively with tear-stained eyes and sighed very painfully, because I was sitting in great embarrassment from the sorrows that befell me and evidence of my distress was still clear on my face, they, wanting, perhaps, to talk to me, turning from the straight road, shied towards me, sat down in a circle, enclosing me in the middle, and, hesitating a little when they saw that I was silent and sighing, relentlessly and together with sympathy they began to ask about the reason embarrassment. And at this demand I sighed even more sorrowfully, because the question again brought into strong motion the somewhat calmed memory and forced the thought to imagine the matter as if it were now taking place, since the story of the incident was supposed to impress in the thought the same thing that had been experienced by the senses. “Did anything in what we said sadden you, elder, as false,” they said, “and you sit, mourning the injustice of our opinion? Or do you have some kind of grief of your own, close to our conversation, and you lament, secretly tormented by the memory? That your suffering is not easy is clearly indicated by your despondency, showing the sadness tormenting you internally; its sign is tears.” Such an appeal from these men barely resolved my tied tongue. “What should I say? - I answered. “And why will I give you an answer when a cloud of sadness does not allow you to penetrate well into the judgment of what is true?” I am of the same opinion with you; Knowing the benefits of the desert, I am very amazed at it; therefore, overcome by love for her, he forced himself to leave everything: home, fatherland, kinship, friends, family, property. But the desert destroyed what was most kind to me; it, as you see, left me alone, deprived of all consolation; and the painful feeling of grief that has befallen me, which has overcome the power of love, does not allow me to praise her. And when one passion overcomes another, then it does not at all give a place to the defeated one, it certainly wants to have complete control and, like something hostile, avoids calling anyone into communication 3 . But here is my simplicity! I let myself philosophize, leaving behind the lamentation about my son, and my mind found time for this, although until now I was afraid to think about anything other than Theodoulus’s death. For here the ghost is constantly before me, in one way or another, in different types of death, representing to me the killing of my son; I see, I think, how from the blow, where he was, he suddenly fell and rushed about the ground; I seem to hear his painful voice and in my mind I just imagine all this, which would be better to see with my own eyes. Alas, my pitiful child, although you are still alive, although you are dead! What bitter slavery if you escaped death! What kind of burial did not give you a coffin, if you were struck by a barbaric sword! What will I mourn in your slavery? What will I shed tears about in your death? If you are still alive in slavery (but no probability allows you to even think about this, because a barbarian hand is never ready to kill in order to serve the brutal anger that always thirsts for human blood?), then what is your position? Without a doubt, daily beatings, orders without compassion, merciless threats, a bestial and bloodthirsty life; the most difficult work, beyond your strength, and the guard that does not allow you to think about escape, the hopelessness of freedom, the daily fear of death, the sword is always near, because only the barbarian knows how to measure his indignation with it: he has neither a whip nor a rod ready for blows; For both small and great offenses, he knows one punishment - death; sometimes there is no guilt, sometimes the barbarian becomes enraged from intoxication or indulges in unreasonable impetuosity and, as taught by habit, without thinking, amuses himself with the death of others. And if you died, son, then where and when was your body slaughtered, and where did the flow of your blood flow from? How did you tremble, pouring out mixed blood with dust, and your poor legs, to the disgrace of those who saw you, beat in your dying tremors? How did you plead with the murdering barbarian, thinking with plaintive movements to soften his cruelty? The human word, depicting a petition with touching sounds, inclines to pity and an irritated soul, but both of you did not understand each other’s language. Where was the place where you fell? What beasts have torn your members to pieces? What birds fed on your flesh? Which of the luminaries, when ascending, saw the inmost parts of your womb, clearly saw the poured-out entrails? What overcame the hard animal teeth, or ended up as a remnant due to their satiety 5, or became inaccessible to their strength, now lies in the sun under the open sky and, due to the uninhabitation of the place, was not awarded an honest burial. If someone had brought and given this to me, or brought and placed me near these remains, then, of course, I would have had at least a little consolation in grief, as if I were alive and feeling, I would have begun to talk with the remaining members, although the bone or part of the flesh and hair would have been before my eyes. Those who are not suddenly struck by disaster, even in misfortune itself, find a lot of consolation and truly taste the last joy when they spend a long time looking after their sick relatives, spend a lot of time satiating themselves with the sight of them, sit with them when they struggle with death, hear the last words of the dying, see them off when they carry out the dead, and watch as the last seal is put on the grave. All this brings a lot of considerable consolation to the crying person: seeing off, burial, and the compassion of friends ease the sadness. How can I console myself in grief with something similar? And I don’t know the type of his death, I don’t even have an idea of ​​the dead, which would be imprinted in the imagination at his death. Whose features are not committed to memory by sight, he appears to us in fickle and indefinite images, which, one way or another, are imprinted in thought, tormenting it, deceiving it with the transformations of these mental impressions. What an unknown disaster! What uncertainty of grief! I don’t know what to mourn, I don’t know what to complain about. Should we shed tears for the dead or for the living, for the imprisoned or for the slain? About someone who suffered bitter slavery or about a mortal who was exposed to disease? The prisoner must expect every insult; whenever he thinks he is being punished, the will of the master has the power to make any sentence about him. Until now, you, son, have shared everything with me, but now you have experienced captivity alone. You shared a long journey with me, suffered in poverty on a foreign side, 6 endured suffering in the desert, in everything you did, imitating Isaac in obedience to his father. Why has the last disaster separated you from me now, and why are you alone exhausting the sorrows of captivity? Why was this kindness shown to me and why did I escape death without experiencing the edge of the sword? Why didn’t the crushing hand add me to the rest of the dead, but I was spared to experience great troubles, out of envy I was deprived of quick relief from grief and I shed painful tears far from you? “But since I see,” I continued, “that you have compassion for me and have the same feelings that I myself, the sufferer, have, as evidenced by your intense attention and frequent sighs, I will tell you about myself in detail, without going into words: do you only have the leisure to listen to me and does not some necessity call you to satisfy your own needs? 7 For a story is difficult for a distracted soul when it has thoughts of something more troubling than what it is listening to.” But making it clear in their faces and voices that this question was unpleasant to them, they said: “What pastime could be preferable to this: to heal a sorrowful heart and relieve a sick soul from sadness? Just as a cloud ceases to be dark, having shed raindrops, and gradually loses its gloominess, clearing itself of water mist, so the soul alleviates its grief by describing its misfortunes and by talking about the causes of sadness, exhausting the unpleasant sensation within itself. Grief, while you are silent about it, usually torments, like phlegm in an inflamed wound, in which pus 8 constantly demands a way out and has no way to get out and clean the abscess.” Therefore, they considered it fair for me to tell. And with this I begin my story. Saint Nile, having told what led him and his son into the desert, and briefly mentioned the recent murder of saints, to the objection of his interlocutors that this beating is not in accordance with the ways of God's Providence, many examples from Sacred History prove the opposite “Two sons were born to me, friends: the one whom, sitting here, I mourn, and the other, who remained with his mother. After their birth, I left cohabitation with my wife, judging that two were enough - either for continuation of the family, or for services in old age. For every rational being, I considered it appropriate not to indulge in pleasures to the point of satiety and not to abuse the permission of the law to insult nature, but, as quickly as possible, to set a limit for oneself in this, as soon as someone served the intention of the Creator, who established marriage for the propagation of the race, and not for the satisfaction of passion. Otherwise, when later the strength fades, the desires fade away, the silence of old age sets in by itself, success in chastity will no longer be attributed to the jealousy of will, but to the necessity of age. For he who has not experienced battle will never erect a victorious monument for himself, and at the end of the struggle, not a single fighter can boast of victory and the fact that he did not fall when there was no one left to fight him. But honor to the ascetic, when in the prime of life, in the heat of lust, in the heat of passions, his reason prevails over his wishes, the strong attraction to marital cohabitation, although it is legal, suppresses in himself, testifying to the fact that he has plenipotentiary power over himself. But I was drawn by some strong desire to these places, in which I had now suffered a loss, I was completely inspired by the thought of silence: besides this, I could not think about anything else, or look at anything. For when love for something takes possession of the soul, then with great power it distracts it from everything, even very worthy of its attention, and carries it away to what it loves, so that it does not look at work and fatigue, does not take into account insults, serves everyone diligently, voluntarily surrendering to the full power of desire, and with pleasure bears the yoke of submission, out of spontaneous and willingly accepted necessity. This love ordered me to go on a journey, and I could not contradict the command so arbitrarily - I take the children (and they were still very small), bring them to my mother and give one to her, and keep the other with me; I tell her what I have decided to do and strictly confirm that I will not change my intentions. She, having not previously learned to contradict, and then seeing by my face that I would not listen to the request, but not enduring the coercion, and not holding back tears, agrees to my journey, yielding more to necessity than by actually approving my will. For, seeing that my decision was inevitable, and imagining the sorrow of separation, I did not care about my sorrow, but set myself the goal of what was pleasing to me and wished to concede victory in what I could not win, even if I wanted. But you know what separation is like for those who were once and forever united by law by the union of marriage, and by the mysterious sight of the One who united became one body. Just as the pain caused by a sword cutting a body, separation causes the same for those who have become “one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). I marveled at the power of lust when I saw that it conquered both nature and long-term attachment. I concluded about this power because it resolved insoluble bonds that one death can dissolve, making this dissolution painless, because it leads to insensibility. And in For the living, the feeling makes this illness even more unbearable, reminding us of both habit and disposition towards each other, unless the desire for the highest good suddenly dulls the sting of the former desire. Such lust made me a lover of this silence and led me to the desired desert. And the desert for a long time gave me the opportunity to spend my life with pleasure, enjoying the great silence, with a fair wind to direct myself towards the goal, until (I don’t know where or how) an approaching storm raised this disturbance, which wrecked these boats, carrying thousands of holy bodies - wrecked them, but not drowned them, smashed them, but did not harm their cargo, because everything These helmsmen, taking with them what they had purchased, brought the boats from the sea to Heaven, leaving only the fallen boards as spoils for the robbers.” “What is the reason for the massacre of saints? - said the interlocutors. – Why are those who serve God reproachfully handed over to the destruction of the wicked, becoming the plaything of a barbaric hand? Why did the power of Providence remain inactive, looking in silence at such an atrocity, did not prevent, although it could, this invasion, did not strike with blindness the approaching attackers, did not wither the lawless right hands stretched out on the saints, which, as Scripture tells, happened many times for blessed men? For once the Babylonians, who unjustly took up arms against Hezekiah, returned empty-handed. They were not able to offend the oppressed, they lost many of their own army, and when everyone in the whole camp fell asleep, a very small number were alive in the morning, because one hundred and eighty-five thousand were put to death, and no one could say how they were killed and who killed them. Such silent defeat was the work of one Angel in one night; rows of armed dead lay and seemed more asleep than dead, had no wounds from the sword, but had no life in them, they really became dead, although they did not show signs of murder, which led to great bewilderment of their own. Each one, waking up, pushed his neighbor, but he was motionless; I called to him, but he remained silent; examined his body, and it was not ulcerated; I looked for breath in my nostrils, and what I was looking for was not there; Finally, the sun that rose in the morning explained the disaster that had befallen, showing signs of death in the complexion of those killed. And also the Assyrians who came to Elisha and were looking for the saint in order to kill him, and the Sodomites who approached Lot’s house to mock the Angels, were struck with blindness and given over to ridicule of those whom they were looking for, and became the playground of those whom they wanted to offend. Some, in relaxation, groped for the doors, others did not know where they were following the leader; although the one they were looking for was near them, they were not able to approach him, like the sick and crippled; They were clothed in full weapons, but they remained inactive, like those deprived of either strength or members for military duties, because the gaze leading them either completely died or was plunged into deep sleep. Therefore, one unarmed man was followed by many captive enemies and could easily have been destroyed on the rapids and in the abysses, if this had been the intention and will of the leader, but they were saved when, through the guardianship of the Prophet, their sight was restored, and they could see the path leading to their own fatherland. At another time, when the wicked king, angry with the Prophet, who had denounced his iniquity, stretched out his armed hand at him, his sword-bearing hand remained outstretched in denunciation of the murderous will and, raised upward, was dry, like a statue that cannot give itself any other position than that which it first received from the artist who cast it. And this was so that the prophetic body would not suffer the insult that the lawless hand was preparing for it, serving unjust anger. So, why did the dead now die as helpless? The will of the murderers conveniently accomplished the deed; no one anywhere opposed them with obstacles?” “Should we now,” I said, “talk about Providence? And who is able to comprehend the judgments of God in order to prove the veracity of God’s Economy with such a variety of events? Any human reason, if it carefully enters into such research, is lost, overcome by the difficulty of understanding, not finding a plausible reason that could be attached to events. For in ancient times many similar things happened, and the machinations of wicked people reached their end, and justice was still silent, not punishing the daring and hesitating in vengeance, because the study of all this, without a doubt, is left to the time of the Judgment. Why did Abel, whose piety is attested by God, envy, kill Cain and thereby sadden his parents, who had never seen a dead person and had absolutely no experience of death, angered God by daring to commit this first murder, reduced the race that had just begun to multiply in the new creation, did not spare his brother, with whom he shared the same birth and upbringing, did not want to have consolation in solitude, being forced to live alone in such a place? the breadth of the earth, because there were few people and they did not console each other with their large numbers? Why did the lawless Jezebel order Naboth, who did not give her possession of the vineyard, to be stoned? Why did three hundred and sixty-three priests fall from one sword of Doikov? And in Jerusalem, the enemies who took possession of it beat up countless numbers of the righteous and handed them over to be devoured by beasts and birds, about which the Songsinger, mourning them, said: “Thy servant laid the corpse of Thy servant for meat to the birds of the air, and the flesh of Thy saints to the beasts of the earth: having shed their blood like water round about Jerusalem, thou shalt not bury it” (Ps. 79:2-3). Why did the faces of the Prophets and Apostles die, through the malice of the lawless, cut with a saw, beheaded with a sword, stoned, when they not only did nothing worthy of death, but were also always benefactors of those who killed? I will not talk about the innocent age of babies, some of whom were drowned in river water under Pharaoh, condemned to this death for fear that youth would not increase, and others under Herod, so that the king he suspected would not be raised in secret, were pitifully killed with a sword, before they tasted the sweets of life, having experienced mortal illnesses. And through all this, the Judge remained silent, uncontrollably allowing the willfulness of the murderers’ insolence, because the Day of Judgment had appointed for them the limit of retribution for what they had done, and until then he showed patience, and the crime of laws, and observing responsibility for this until that time. But touching on these teachings, as I said before, is not consistent with either the present time or my strengths. It takes a lot of time and a skillful language to reconcile this with the truth of God. But what now prompts me to say my grief, I will say: maybe it will be easier for me when my somewhat unbearable torment is alleviated, because I cannot bear the memories of what I actually saw. I don’t know how I got through it when I experienced it myself, because I do my best to avoid the painful memory of it. I am ready to be annoyed with my eyes, which have become the culprits of the images that haunt me, being forced to constantly see them in front of me; I constantly feel the grief that stings me - at night in dreams, and during the day in thoughts that cause severe grief, because even when I sleep, I do not have carefree sleep, as many people find peace during sleep after daytime worries; and then the image of what has happened confuses me, in clear ghosts it shows someone who has just been killed and is still trembling, as if renewing the former grief with a new grief. But for consistency, which gives convenience to the word, it is necessary first to describe the lives of the saints in these places and talk about the lives of the attacked barbarians, so that the whole structure of the story has a coherent order and nothing is omitted that the inquisitive need to know, because what is kept silent upsets those who are jealous of acquiring information, just as failure to achieve what was desired always offends until what is known satisfies the desire.” Morals and religion of the Arabians; also the virtues and labors of the desert saints who labored at Mount Sinai “So, the people mentioned above live in the desert, stretching from Arabia to Egypt between the Red Sea and the Jordan River, never engaging in art, trade, or agriculture, but finding a way to subsist in one sword. These barbarians, eating meat, spend their lives either hunting desert animals, or robbing those they meet on the roads, where they ambush them, thereby satisfying the necessary needs. When there is a shortage of both and a complete depletion of what is necessary for life, then they eat beasts of burden (and these are dromedary camels) and lead a brutal life, eating almost raw meat. For when a camel is slaughtered for a whole family or for those living in the same bush, then, in a light heat on the fire, softening the hardness of the meat so that without more effort it yields to the tormenting teeth, they eat it, so to speak, like dogs. Not knowing God, neither cognizable by the mind, nor man-made, they worship the morning star, when it rises, they sacrifice the best of the spoils, when, after a robber raid, they have something suitable for slaughter. But they try especially to sacrifice children who are distinguished by their beauty and blossoming age, making these sacrificial offerings before the morning on stones piled up in a heap. This, my friends, torments and confuses me extremely; I am afraid that the son, having a pleasant and attractive appearance, will not turn out to be a lawless one, in their opinion, suitable for this usual wickedness and the body of a pure soul will not be sacrificed for the unclean to murderous demons, becoming an expiatory and purifying offering, as they think, for them, who are accustomed not to spare such human sacrifices. For they do not know pity for the children being killed, even if they began to beg them with a plaintive voice. And when there are no children to sacrifice, they force a white camel without a defect to kneel and, stretching out in a long chain, they circle around the lying animal three times. This procession and the song composed by them in honor of the star are initiated by one of the kings, or from the priests, venerable in old age. After the third circumambulation, when the people have not yet finished the song and the final words of the chant are heard in everyone’s mouth, drawing his sword, he strikes the camel hard in the neck and the first hastily tastes the blood; Others also approach with knives: some cut off a small part of the gift with knives, even with hair, others cut off and steal whatever piece of meat happens to be, others extend to the entrails and womb, leaving nothing of the victim unused for food, so that nothing could be seen by the rising sun, because they do not refuse either bones or brains, overcoming rigidity with constancy and hardness with diligence. This is the barbarians’ law of life and worship. So, living in the desert, they move from place to place, camping where there is free food for livestock and where they can find abundant water. But few places in this desert, where bodily needs can be satisfied with an abundance of water, have chosen for themselves those passing through monastic life; and some built huts for themselves, others live, settling in dungeons and caves. Few of them, knowing the preparation of food from grain grains, the sterility of this desert, through diligence, can force the growth of life, cultivating a small amount of lean earth with a small spade: as much as is needed to live with poverty. Many, having fallen in love with a hastily prepared and unartificial meal, eat wild vegetables and tree fruits and say goodbye forever to the troubles of cooks and bakers, so that, having spent a lot of time serving the body, they do not become careless in doing anything more necessary, but with a pure mind, soberly serve God, without burdening their thoughts with the intoxication of the flesh and the smell of jams. flattering the voluptuousness of the belly. And now insatiable voluptuousness has intensified so much that vision, smell, and taste are forced to serve whim by mixing juices into compositions of different smell, color and quality, diversifying what serves to ignite voluptuousness. For tasty people, the difference in taste and the difference in the smell of foodstuffs is not enough if the urge to desire food is not irritated by the variety in the color of the jams, so that before eating, the sight is pleased with yellow, white or watery-black color. And in order to also delight the sense of smell, it is necessary to mix the most fragrant incense into the brews, and so that what is eaten is still pleasant to the larynx, to delight it, things of different qualities must be mixed: sweet and spicy must be dissolved with bitter 10 and salty. But it is necessary not to deprive your eyesight of pleasure. For this purpose, yolk 11, Sarachin millet, saffron, milk from nuts and many other variously coloring substances season the color of the food with picturesque mixtures, so that this gentleman - the belly - will recognize the thoroughness of the preparation in everything, believing the said feelings as experienced judges who know how to well evaluate what they feel. But this was not the lifestyle of the hermits mentioned above: they were not chasing convenience; and they not only denied themselves that which was pleasant in quality, everything that was beyond their needs, laughing at it as vain and useless, but also much of what they had in abundance, their zeal for abstinence extended to the very quantity, taking food only in such an amount as not to die contrary to the will of the Life-Giver and through this not to suffer a loss in rewards for doing good in this life. Therefore, some touch food only on Sunday, spending the entire week in non-eating, others have chosen the middle path, offering meals twice a week, while others eat food every other day, showing by their zeal that they would like to have no need for anything and live without eating food, but submit to the laws of nature, barely inclined to do so by bodily needs, and then only condescend to satisfy this needs when they realize that the vital force is completely exhausted and is not able to serve virtue in the upcoming labors. For in everyone there is such zeal for the angelic life that he wants to imitate the property of the Angels of not needing anything by being content with little, and tries to overcome the lack of nature with an excess of zeal. They do not have in circulation “golden goods” (cf. Matt. 22:19) Caesar’s, because they do not know either buying or selling. Each freely supplies the other with what he needs and receives as a gift what he lacks. Vegetables, tree fruits and, rarely, bread are given to each other with generosity, as a sign of love, even in excess, using what someone has; what gives it value is not the variety of things, but generosity in disposition, and in small gifts very clearly showing the wealth of zeal. On the contrary, envy, which usually most often follows success, never takes place there. And whoever is less skilled in good deeds is not prompted to hatred by the superiority of another, more distinguished than he, distinguished by good deeds, just as the latter is not inflated by pride to exalt himself over the former, inspiring him to think highly about his successes, because he who prevails in the height of virtue, attributing everything to God’s power, and not to his own labors, voluntarily humbles himself, as not a doer of good, but an instrument of effective grace. And those who are less successful in virtue, perhaps due to bodily weakness, involuntarily humiliate themselves, attributing their powerlessness not to the weakness of nature, but to the negligence of the will. And thus one is humble before the other and everyone is humble before everyone, and everyone tries to have an advantage not in a high opinion of himself, but in the lordship of life. For this reason, having fled the inhabited universe, they settled in the desert, showing their successes to the only God, from whom they expect rewards for their labors, but they do not show their deeds according to God to people, whose praise usually causes a loss of both zeal and rewards, weakening the former with arrogance, to the point of negligence, and diminishing the latter with the deception of glory. For whoever seeks human glory for what he does, having received the reward he sought, is deprived of the true reward, no longer having the right to demand for himself any other reward than the one he acquired 12. And just as he accomplished great works, being overcome by human glory, he is deprived of eternal and true glory. They do not live close to each other, but rather far away, living in cells one from another at a distance of twenty or more furlongs, 13 not out of hatred of man or savageness of disposition (for is this possible in people who are so well-disposed towards each other, as was said about this?), but wishing in great silence to accustom their morals, how to please God, and trying to conduct their conversation with God without entertainment. It is either difficult or impossible to succeed in this among a crowd of people and a crowd of people, because the noise of others distracts the mind from intense attentiveness, forces one to dwell on what it should not, and to be distracted from what one has trained oneself to with a long-term habit, which is more pleasant than useful. But on Sundays they gather in one church, drawing closer to each other every other week, so that the separation that is also accomplished over time does not stop unanimity, gradually leading to oblivion of mutual responsibilities to each other, because prolonged loneliness usually makes the character wild, long-term habit weaning them from sociability and unity of love. Therefore, together they partake of the Divine Mysteries, delight each other in practicing decent conversations, and anoint each other with moral advice. A valiant life especially needs them for its exploits, for which it is necessary to make known the secret machinations of the opponents, so that others who do not know the cunning method of this warfare will not be caught by them. For those who lack the substance itself to bring something into action, in them sin does not come into effect, and all warfare is committed in thought. Here, death befalls quickly and unnoticed, even by those who see only the appearance, cannot be attested as consisting in the consent of only will. Therefore, those who have practiced the feat, guiding the inexperienced and just beginning to fight, advise abstinence to resist the passion of gluttony, because this passion attacks the soul, irritating the mad fury of lust, testing the strength of those who have barely entered the field, whether they will stand in it, unshakably establishing their knees, and whether they are firmly armed, and whether they can soon surrender into the hands of to the opponents. For whoever is devoted to voluptuousness is soon overcome and bound by voluptuousness, overcoming himself in less, promising a greater fall. And in this regard, those who are still going through childhood exploits are given advice by the elders before them, both by the length of time and by long-term struggle, who have become experienced in asceticism and who have clearly learned how such bonds of resistance are resolved. And these most perfect ones forbid vanity and pride, both to themselves and to each other, advising them to beware of them, like underwater stones near the pier, which, after great labors in swimming and after struggling with the waves, expose those who have not been shipwrecked to the last and disastrous danger amidst the agitation of passions and when overwhelmed by unclean thoughts. For, caught by a storm in the seas, due to one after another rolling waves and raging winds, fearing imminent dangers, they are forced to stay awake and sober, but sometimes near the pier, where there is no longer excitement, carelessly weakened in thought, they lament over the hidden shallows, at the very mouth of the refuge, suddenly losing all the purchase that was not destroyed among the storms of the sea. Likewise, those who did not yield to the attacks of temptations, but through exploits and patience passed them unharmed, often, after victory, either boldly relying on the acquired art in success, or through arrogance, exalted somewhat above others, apparently more careless, like wrestlers, at the very crowns and awards, fall into such a fall, after which it is impossible to rise up and recover, or like swimmers, after completing it on a long and terrible voyage, those who lose their cargo suddenly and untimely destroy with effort little by little the acquired wealth and, because of this loss, are subject to reproaches for negligence. But just as vanity rightly deprives one of rewards for deeds and makes the work itself useless for workers, so pride, along with loss, also brings great danger in conceit, denying that God is the Helper in all good things, and attributing to oneself the power of success in good things. Therefore, the Prophet says this about them: “Collect the bribes of the congregation in the vagina of the diravo” (Hag. 1:6); barely inserted, they already fall out, not remaining “in the vagina” for a long time, but quickly passing through it, because the hole into which they fall out is much wider than the one that receives what is inserted. Such is vanity: with it, gain is accompanied by loss; during the act itself, through the rudeness of the disposition, it destroys what is being done. The Pritochnik says about the proud: “The Lord resists the proud” (Proverbs 3:34), contrasting the rejected with the hostile enemy of those who reject. Therefore, the hermits, imagining the citizens of this desert, Moses and Elijah, learn from their modesty, recognizing it as fair to imitate the virtues of those in whose country they live. For Moses was not driven into arrogance by the greatness of power, and Elijah was not moved to the point of arrogance by the miracle of the sacrifice, but, always maintaining the same way of thinking, they did not change with changing circumstances. In this desert, Moses, escaping the Egyptian intrigues and tending the sheep of Jethro, became a spectator of a wonderful vision, learning then that the branches of the bush were stronger than the all-consuming fire, and seeing how the grass turned green in the midst of the flames, and subsequently leading the people; on this mountain he became a legislator, then only of the Jews, and now of every people, because grace, by natural affinity, extended to the entire human race and the rules of life, although once, until their understanding, the letters remained hidden under a bushel, having been placed on the candlestick, they shone for everyone. And Elijah came here, fleeing from Jezebel. And, having fallen asleep on this earth, when he arose, he found barley bread and “the swagger of water” (1 Kings 19:6). And he lived in this cave, covering his body with a mantle, this ancient robe of his ancestors, and saw God here “in the cold” (cf. 1 Kings 19:12), and heard a voice announcing what was destined to happen. But the last and first sign of the firmness and patience of these desert dwellers is that they spend their lives in that desert, in which the Israelites, passing only this one, grumbled, eating Divine food prepared from heaven and complaining about this meal, and also could not bear the forty-day absence of their leader and did not know how to manage the authority of freedom, as they should, but soon fell away and made bad use of the anarchy, giving in to wickedness. But these desert dwellers, suffering from a lack of necessities, at all times philosophize in the desert, serving themselves as teachers of piety.” The sudden invasion of barbarians, the beating of several holy monks, the captivity of Theodulus, the lamentation of Saint Nile in solitude and his consolation “But while these hermits, in such a state of mind, diligently serve God, suddenly, beyond their expectations, like a storm, a barbarian squad attacks them from somewhere: and in the deep morning these lawless ones rush at the godly, as soon as they have finished sacred chants. It happened that my son and I were there too, having descended from the holy mountain to visit the saints who lived near the bush, as I had been accustomed to do for a long time. The barbarians, like mad dogs, rushing in and shouting something incomprehensible, collecting everything that was stored for food during the winter (for the monks dry and save for such needs tree fruits, which are edible and can be preserved for a long time), and forcing us to carry it ourselves, they take us out of the church. And those who are older in years, having taken off their clothes, they put them naked in a row to be killed, then, surrounding them with rage and casting fiery glances sideways at them, they draw their swords. First, they order the priest of the holy place to stretch out his neck, and those standing near him, of which there were two, strike him with swords, not both suddenly, but one after the other, from one side and the other, hitting him in the back of the head. The priest did not complain of pain, did not show embarrassment on his face, did not reveal a trace of suffering, but only placed the sign of the cross on himself and quietly said with his lips: “Blessed is the Lord!” The first blow, from the back of the head passing through the ear, reached the jaw, and the second from the shoulder extended to the chest. And thus the blessed one, quietly shaking, fell in a decent form, mortified and naked, without showing anything indecent in himself: some kind of pleasantness flourished in his body and covered the ugliness of his nakedness. The saint had just prophetically made this known in the evening, both in deed and in word, when at the evening meal he said with unusual tenderness: “Who knows whether this feast, this meal will gather us all together, at least once again before death?” Then they take and kill the one who lived with the elder, who was also decrepit in age and extremely dilapidated from his ascetic labors. After this, the youth who served both of them is killed, and in exactly this way. One of the barbarians ordered him to collect scattered tree fruits, the boy, to please the orderer, sits on the ground, carefully stuffs his bosom, raking with his hands the fruits lying in front of him, as he was ordered, by all means showing an effort to please as capable of service and thinking that, by being zealous, he will atone for life. But this did not help him at all. He did not soften the barbaric cruelty and did not lead to meekness, which was far from the natural barbarian thought: another, standing behind, secretly drew the sword from its sheath. The boy, either hearing how the sword was drawn, or sensing the murder that was preparing for him, as if frightened by the noise, turns his face somewhat embarrassed by fear, but the one standing in front of him frightens him even more with a barbaric cry and wandering glances, and then the barbarian with great force thrusts the sword into the collarbone, passing straight from the ligament supporting the liver to the chest - and the boy, before the sword was pulled back, lies already dead; either he died from fear, or since the blow was fatal, then before he felt death, the soul immediately erupted from the bodily vessels and was released from the bonds from which it comes with difficulty, being tied to the body with strong bonds. The rest of us, I don’t know for what reason, are being driven away, giving a hand sign for us to run away; They still hold bloody swords in their hands. And others, hastening to reach the mountain, ran through gorges, but did not climb the mountain itself, holding on to the thought that God once stood on it and spoke from it to the people. But I remained silent in great difficulty, bound by tender love for my son, I did not have the strength to leave, I did not think about my salvation, held by the bonds of nature, until my son began to make signs to me with his eyes, urging me to leave, which barely forced me to leave. My legs walked forward, and, I don’t know how, my whole body followed, but my heart did not want to go, forcing me to often turn my face to the boy: I did not have the strength to stop my gaze on myself, I did not continue the path, but turned my gaze back with pity. So, however, I reached the mountain, following those walking in front, and from a height I watched how the poor son was taken away and how he, not daring to look freely, furtively turned his secret glances towards me from those who were taking him away. Such are the bonds of nature: they are not dissolved by physical separation, but are strengthened even more strongly. When the soul does not have a loved one near it, then in its absence 15 it is even more attracted to it and completely occupies its memory with it, not having with itself anything that could satisfy the lust. And how great is the sorrow and how cruel is the torment of those separated in this way, those who have experienced it know; those who have not experienced it, let them learn this from the example of the dumb, in whom, without science, there is embedded a natural, irresistible feeling of compassion in children for those who gave birth and in those who gave birth to children; and in those who gave birth to children when separated from them by various signs and obvious suffering, it reveals 16 tender affection. Thus, a cow being led away moans painfully and incessantly, often turning to the body being carried away from her, and expresses with her eyes 17 how great her suffering is. Since nature, for the dumb, had no other instrument with which to indicate the suffering they felt, it assigned to one eye the ability to serve as signs of sadness and made the downcast eyes seem to cry out about a state that there is no other way to make known. And the carried away calf, not allowing himself to be taken away by force, sometimes, as if to a sacred refuge, resorts to his mother’s nipples and since he cannot hug them with his hands, he holds on to them with his mouth, and sometimes he circles around his mother and in impetuous leaps speaks of his need, because he is deprived of the gift of words that could explain the suffering by complaints. But I don’t know how I appeared on the top of the mountain, because my thought did not accompany the body being taken away and was occupied only with the misfortune of my son, so I no longer see him, hidden from view by a great distance, and, not knowing what is happening to him, I turn my words, as naturally, to God, mourning the captivity of my son and lamenting about the beaten saints, and I say: “Where are now your labors of abstinence, blessed and blessed? Where are the sufferings of patience? Did you really take this crown for a great feat? Was this reward prepared for you for long-term asceticism? Was it really in vain that you followed the path of truth? Have you labored in vain for virtue? And when murder was being prepared for you, Divine Providence left you helpless, justice did not resist the murderers, the lawless hand gained power over the reverend bodies, and wickedness is magnified as a victory over piety, boasting, without a doubt, that it has triumphed over the truth! Why didn’t the bush burn with the ancient flame? Why didn’t she burn the approaching villains? Why didn’t the earth, when it parted, swallow them up, just as it once devoured the entire host of Korah with its tabernacles and all its relatives? Why did the wonderful insurances of Mount Sinai fall silent and not strike the lawless ones with the voice of thunder, the impenetrability of darkness and the brilliance of lightning? On the contrary, the avenging force remained inactive, did not punish the offenders with extraordinary thunder and flames, did not save those offended with a powerful hand, so that the barbarians, having experienced the miracle, would learn the unprecedented power of irresistible force. At the very bush and Mount of Law, these pious ones fell like dumb victims, and no help was provided to them. Where was the power that once drowned the Egyptians and made the depths of the sea a grave for them? Where was the power that once beat up the foreigners who entered the war with the Israelis with a hail of stones, and granted victory to its people without labor and bloodshed? Where was this power, which again, when the enemies invaded the Holy Land, plunged them into a frenzy, so that they turned their weapons against each other, did not understand that they were beating each other in blindness, and did not recognize those killed as their own? Where did she hide her help without hiding those who fell into the hands of malicious people? But although she had previously curbed the ferocious rage of lions and the irresistible force of fire on those cast down, respecting the venerability of life and loudly proclaiming the piety of the youths, she nevertheless made the virtue of these men seem doubtful, depriving them of all help and thereby suggesting that they were unworthy of caring for them.” But all this was said by grief and sadness, which even those who try to maintain chastity of mind are driven by disasters to murmur. And this is excusable in a state of painful suffering, which, saddened and overcome, perhaps, by the greatness of misadventures forces one to say a lot against his will. God’s help often abandons the righteous, handing them over to the tormentors to endure various tortures and unjust killings, so that the skillful courage of those who struggle becomes apparent and the luminous power of faith shines forth, not weakening in its boldness until death, but completely defeating the fury of the tormentors through suffering. Just as those who remained did not want to leave the desert, preferring death to an unsettled life in cities, so those who died seemed better off to die than to endure the vices that dominate the inhabited universe. For they knew that mental death is heavier than physical death and that dying in sin is more dangerous than dying by the sword: one death subjects one to a small and short-term suffering, and the other to a long and unceasing torment. When the barbarians, having killed and robbed many others in the desert, went a fair distance, and finally the night allowed us to leave the mountains without fear, we went down and began burying the bodies. And we find others who had long since died, but the holy elder was still breathing and could speak with need. Sitting down near him and mourning what had befallen us, we spent the whole night like this, and the elder admonished us not to be embarrassed by such temptations. “It is usual for Satan,” he said, “to ask God for whom to tempt. For how many of Job did he kill, destroying some with fire, some with the sword, and some by falling at home?” “But don’t let all this make you hesitate,” the elder continued. – For the Ascetic knows by what judgment he betrays ascetics to the enemy, having prepared bright rewards and rewards for those who graciously accept the blows. And what these rewards are is shown by the great Job, who received everything that he apparently lost in greater, or better yet, in a much greater and incomparably more excellent measure. For “no eye has seen, nor ear heard, neither has the heart of man sighed” (1 Cor. 2:9) - all this, exceeding the deeds of piety, and feeling, and mind, God has prepared for those who strive for His sake. So it was fitting for the great-gifted God to surpass his labors with rewards and to overcome his deeds with crowns, to grant to the ascetics that which they had no hope of, which they did not expect to receive, in order to give the due reward, and to make this reward, according to its superiority, a gift of grace.” He said this and kissed those around him until he had the strength to speak and move his tongue. Then he died, and we, with tears, buried him, and others with him, to the ground. Then, since the darkness still made it possible to travel secretly, I managed to come to you. Two of those killed were called Paul and John, and the presbyter - Theodulus, and these who rested died on the seventh day after the Epiphany, that is, on the fourteenth - January. And reverent people, no doubt, are curious to know both the time and the names, especially those who want to participate in the celebration of the day of remembrance of saints. Others were killed many years before this, and their commemoration, due to the distance of the journey and for the sake of the multitude gathered, is celebrated on this same day.” The young man, captured along with Theodulus, having escaped, comes to Saint Nile, who was talking with friends, tells him in detail about the sad massacre of many saints and informs him that the barbarians decided to sacrifice Theodulus to the morning star the next morning We were still continuing this conversation, as they announced that someone had escaped from the barbarian camp, and soon the survivor came to us: the traces of fear had not yet disappeared on his face, he could not yet calm his mental confusion, he was breathing heavily, due to the rapid walking and from internal anxiety, embarrassed by the thought that the pursuers were close and would immediately overtake. Then, when asked how he escaped, he answers: “The barbarians, talking at dinner, announced that me and your son would be sacrificed to the star in the morning; They also built an altar and heaped wood, although we did not know about it. One of the captives with us, who understands their language, secretly told me about this, and I also informed your son about the intention of the barbarians, saying that if we do not escape by flight, then in the morning the sun of the dead will illuminate us and we will not see its rays of light with these eyes. But he, afraid of being caught, stayed and said that God’s will, whatever it may be, cannot be avoided, even in an inaccessible hiding place. In the darkness, when I saw that everyone had fallen into a deep sleep (they were very drunk), I first crawled, crouching as close to the ground as possible, so that if anyone woke up, the prominent shadow of my body would not be noticeable to him. Then, moving a little away from the camp, he set off at a run, heading towards these places and quickly rushing on the wings of fear, and meanwhile reasoning with himself that either I would flee by flight from the death they had once determined for me, or, being caught, I would suffer no more than the same death sentenced to me. Moreover, the uncertainty of hope is preferable to certain death. And if some danger cannot be avoided by staying, then there is still a possibility that you will avoid it by entrusting salvation to the help of your feet; for I knew that many often found help in their feet rather than in thousands of intercessions, because the feet are more concerned about their own salvation than others, and what befalls the whole body, the feet recognize as common for themselves 19 . Therefore, I was not deceived in my reasoning, and with the feet to which I entrusted myself after God, I was saved, and now before you, as you see, without suffering anything bad. But before my eyes I have a terrible example of barbaric cruelty, and now I shudder at their lawless actions, and their audacity fills me with horror. For my master and the mayor with him, who had finished their service and were returning home, were seized by the barbarians in the desert and dragged to themselves with everything they had; and the mayor, who resisted, was cut into pieces with all his household, and my master and his son, who, as you know, was still young, were taken away with them. When the sun began to approach the horizon in the west, they pitched tents, where evening overtook them. And having arranged a great feast from the booty taken from us, they invite my master and his son to dinner with them, ordering them to be complacent and not to be afraid of anything, because, as the barbarians said, he will return home healthy and unharmed and with his son, since others are enough to ransom two souls. After some time, apparently, they began to fulfill the promise, allowing them to go home and for this, stock up on water and take bread for the road, so that they would not suspect any trick, because the supply of travel supplies most convincingly seduced them with the hope of life; and the pretense seemed to be real solicitude; the barbaric cunning did not arouse the slightest suspicion of malice. They even send two young men with them as guides for safety; and they are secretly given the order, when a few leave the camp, to kill those accompanying them. So, the guides, according to what has been said, attacking before the father, they stab the son to death, in order to aggravate his suffering both by the spectacle of the murder and by the ordeal of death, 20 and soon they kill the father, inflicting many wounds on him, while he complained in a loud voice about their infidelity and malice. For I heard how the son cried piteously, while the father cried out in pain, moaned painfully at each blow and with the sounds of his voice made it possible to measure the torment of the wounds inflicted. Thus, deceived by good promises, he suffered a miserable death. For, based on the disastrous fate of others, he had to guess about his own. It was no longer possible to avoid death, but it was unbearable for someone who had previously been hopeful to suffer death. Unexpected evil, having befallen of course, outrages, but expected evil, finding the thought ready for testing, makes the disaster easier, as it has repeatedly occupied the thoughts and does not amaze with its appearance those who have prepared for it. The barbarians in the evening, during dinner, at which they so generously offered drinks to my master, wanting to amuse themselves with their usual and favorite joke (the murder and deliberate death of a person is fun for them), they send a cup of drink to one of his servants (his other servant has already been killed); he could hardly accept with compulsion, because the desire from fear died in him before the body, however, being afraid, he accepted and, when he began to drink, he discovered compulsion, with an effort when swallowing, showing that he was doing it against his will, because it was not the silent larynx that conveyed the drink to the lips, but what filled the cheekbones, then through the throat, as if through a rough ditch, with gurgling at each sip the larynx barely let through, as deadened and incapable, as usual, of passing on the drink poured in and remaining in it. After this, the barbarians send a young man to kill this servant, for they entrust killing to young people, accustoming them to cruelty from childhood. This young man furiously begins a truly brutal task, expressing his pleasure with laughter. And, attacking the lying servant, he first strikes him in the vertebral bone, making a small wound due to the stubbornness of the bone, then, drawing the sword from there, pierces the servant with it from one side to the other and, again hitting the previous wound, jumping up, turns the sword in his hand, shaking it in the air. The stricken man struggled for a long time in pain and, groaning, bled; finally, bending over, bowing his head to his belly and bending his legs over his head, as if with the intention of turning over and standing up, he rolled towards a pile of hot coals lying nearby, but, as naturally, feeling the pain from the fire, out of necessity, he began to beat vigorously with his legs and arms, like a fish, trying to lift the part of his body that was being baked by the fire. But, being unable to help himself, because his strength was exhausted with the bleeding, he became exhausted and died, suffering extreme torment both from the sword and from the fire. The next day after this incident, continuing their journey, as in the desert, not along a straight road, but as it happens, they are forced to go here and there by encountering obstacles, bypassing mountains and cliffs, crossing untrodden and impassable ravines, they see in the far distance a slightly green place and, judging by the growing grass, concluding that it is convenient for shelter, or even thinking that one of the monastics lives there, there they turn the path, as if heading from the sea to the pier, making it a target for pack animals. Having arrived, they find that this place is no worse than their assumption and did not deceive their hopes with a seductive dream. The water was there in abundance, before tasting it amused the eye with purity, and when brought to the lips, it showed that the pleasure of sight is small in comparison with the pleasantness of taste; There was also grass growing there that was good for animals to eat. Therefore, having removed the packs from the camels, they let them graze freely. They themselves run to the water, drink, bathe, wash, not even knowing what to use such an abundance of water for. Rejoicing at the water and glorifying the source, they see the footprint of a small hut at the foot of the mountain; and everyone runs towards it without taking a breath, trying to overtake each other, and, approaching, they scatter around the cave. A building was built here from a few stones, so that the wide opening of the cave would not provide an easy entrance for the animals. Then the barbarians, in a small number, one at a time, enter the cave (it would not have accommodated many) and bring out a husband who is venerable in appearance and internal state. They pulled him by force, but he did not become embarrassed, did not turn pale, did not show or say anything cowardly and despondent 21 . Having spread him out on one stone, since there were no swords with them, they kill him with stones 22, laughing and singing songs. Then, having crossed a small space, they grab another, a young man, pale, exhausted, bearing traces of his life on his face; and he is also put to death, having already used the sword, meanwhile the young man raises voices of gratitude and testifies to them his gratitude that they are driving him out of life, having firmly grasped virtue. “For,” as he said, “I was quite afraid of the unknown of the end, I was afraid that the creep of the will or some external necessity would transform the resolve of my will, convincing or forcing it to accept a different way of thinking, contrary to the one that is pleasing to God.” From here they walked a little - and then a place covered with greenery opened up: the woody vegetation gave it this appearance. And the barbarians rush towards him, again competing with each other in the speed of their feet. Approaching, they found a small hut, and in it a young man who, with his courage and generosity, surprises the barbarians themselves, because he does not agree to show them hidden monasteries and through this save himself, according to the promise given to him that they will leave him alone if he shows them; He also does not want to leave his home, take off his clothes, saying: “To point out those who can hide is treason, and in general to obey those who force you to do anything means cowardice and lack of courage. For generosity is required from ascetics, 23 and it is not permissible for them to yield to fear, even if the threat apparently poses a considerable danger, because habit becomes the path to what is most important and timidity, having once learned to take possession of a person, commands him to neglect great blessings and teaches him to betray piety itself, as soon as the fear of disasters finds the will of the already subdued fear. If now I easily give up self-control of reason and freedom, fearing that I will soon be put to death, then will I be able, with the upcoming insults and threatening tortures, not to fall into wickedness, having taught myself to prefer the non-painful to the useful? Therefore, refusing to succeed in what you hope, immediately do whatever pleases you, and I will not point out the places where the lovers of God live, although I know them, and I will not go out the door, at your order, and I will not lay down my clothes, and no one, as long as I have a feeling in me and I am the master of my will, will see me naked and will not look at the body, which even my eyes have not seen before. After my death, with my already insensitive body, let everyone do whatever he pleases. This will serve to condemn the cruelty of those who acted this way, 24 and not my will as having yielded victory over myself. For the suffering of the insensitive, who cannot and is not obliged to resist, is involuntary when reason is already inactive; the inanimate, of course, is insensitive and not involved in suffering, and what is not involved in suffering is, by general recognition, free from the accusation of suffering, as well as being deprived of the power to suffer or not to suffer 25. Therefore, I will die inside my hut and in clothes, as I decided - I will not do anything against my will, forced by force as a slave. In this field in which I labored, I will also accept death; this hut will be my coffin: it previously received the sweat of the labors of virtue, and now it will receive the blood of valiant deed.” The villains could not bear such daring speech; irritated by the nobility of his thoughts and becoming like mad, they kill him, inflicting as many wounds as his body could bear, because everyone, wanting to pour out their rage on him, did not consider the blow of those who warned him to be sufficient revenge, unless he himself satisfied his indignation by plunging the sword into him with his own hand. So many, having dealt a blow to this magnanimous ascetic, already dead and not alive, then retreated, shuddering with rage, that for greater vengeance the already tormented body was not enough. After this, we meet three travelers in the desert, and they calmed the somewhat still burning anger of the barbarians, allowing themselves to fulfill the lack of fury poured out on the former sufferer. Just as wild animals or hunting dogs, when the prey appears and runs away, are excited by this failure to greater fury and, if they meet again, they pursue with greater zeal in order to be careful in the second case to correct the mistake 26 in the first case, so these killers, rushing at the travelers who appeared and, before approaching them, drawing their swords, immediately killed those who approached by attacking at them with such cruelty as they would have received if they had met again the one who had irritated them. Having not yet sheathed the swords, but holding them in their hands, naked and stained with hot and steaming blood, from the place where they came, they saw two monasteries standing, not directly on the road, but to the side on either side, at a distance of thirty furlongs from one another, and fifteen furlongs from the place where we were: each was equally distant from us, as from the center of the circumference of the described circle. Therefore, dividing into two halves, they went to both monasteries, leaving what booty they had collected together with the pack animals in place. And in the monastery located to the south, I could not find out what was happening and who was killed. When we were approaching the monastery on the northern side and were not far from it, one of the monks, hearing arrows ringing in their quivers during a strong run, gave in to flight, but the barbarians, drawing their bows, pierced him with many arrows. Then, having overtaken the person who has fallen face down, they do not leave him to die from the wounds he has already received, although the previous ulcers were enough for this, but still breathing and fighting death, turning his face up, they cut him open from the chin to the chest. And as he sighed during this cut, the entrails and everything adjacent to the ribs on both sides are turned over with spears and not before leaving, having torn it all to pieces. After that I ran away, as I said about this 27 in advance. What your son suffered by remaining, I don’t know, but I left him alive, having no good hope that he would live, because of the rumor about the death prepared for him.” Saint Nile, saddened by the news of the danger of Theodulus, finds encouragement in the example of a generous wife - the mother of a young man killed by the barbarians, whose courageous death is described in the previous legend. The inhabitants of Paran send envoys to the king of the barbarians to complain about their recent raid; Meanwhile, Saint Nile and his brethren bury the bodies of the murdered saints, and upon the return of the ambassadors he himself sets off to look for his son, is captured by the barbarians, but soon regains his freedom, finally receives news that his son is alive, and finds him in Elusa Having heard this and having a night vision in my memory (and in a dream I read a letter that had just been handed to me by one of my acquaintances, on which, before I began to unfold it, I saw the inscription: “Blessed Theodulus, according to God, my lord and father”), what did I not endure in my soul, if only I still had a soul? My heart was torn, my insides were tormented, my strength weakened - in a word, all my limbs melted when I heard the news, which agreed with the dream and gave no more room for bewilderment or doubt in the guess about the death of my son, reliably confirmed by two testimonies. And, as if stunned by the thunder of suddenly clashing clouds, I no longer cried or complained, but steadily looked at the one who brought the news with a fixed gaze, because the inner force that controls the eyelids, completely numb, remained inactive, leaving dead the sensitivities, which it rules with its innate skill, and which such excessive grief makes motionless and insensitive than stones, and the tearful moisture thickens below whiteness of breath, preventing it from entering the eyes 28. And barely brought me out of this stupor, according to God’s Providence, one woman, a resident of those places; the young man who was killed was her son (for those who had the opportunity to hide from the barbarians announced the names of those who had died). As soon as she learned that her son had been killed and courageously fought against the murderers, she herself proved her relationship with him, becoming truly his mother. For, having dressed in light clothes and taking on a completely cheerful appearance, she raised her hands to the sky, in these words calling out to the Savior God: “To You, Master, I brought a son as a gift, and You saved him from now on and forever; I entrusted the young man to You, and You truly preserved him safe and sound. For I do not think about the fact that he died, nor about how he renounced life, but I mean that he escaped the test of all sin. I think not about the fact that his body was ulcerated and he suffered a bitter death, but about the fact that he brought his soul there pure and immaculate, and betrayed his spirit undefiled into Your hands. By the blows inflicted I calculate the rewards, by these wounds I measure the crowns. Oh, if only your body, my son, could contain even more ulcers, so that your rewards would be greater! With this you reward me for my pregnancy, with this you reward me for the illnesses of birth, with this you honor me for my maternal care for you. You equally share ascetic labors with me, because we both have common labor. You fought, and I bear the wounds of this struggle; You have struggled, and I enjoy your feat; you resisted the fury of the barbarians, and I fought with the autocracy of nature; you neglected death, and I overpowered the feelings of maternal love; You patiently endured the illnesses of violent death, and I patiently endure the torment of a tormented interior. And my suffering is equal to yours and in no way less than them. You prevail over me in the torment of suffering, and I prevail in the length of time: death was extremely painful for you, but for one hour, and I will endure long-term sorrow. And if, being wise, I endure it quietly, it is not because I do not feel suffering, but because by force I overcome the pain. I feel the bonds of my insides being torn apart, the depths of my womb being torn apart, but with a chaste thought I restrain the suffering that arises in me. And what is the use of crazy crying, which will not free you from what happened? Therefore, I did not imitate carnal mothers who, in cowardice, are indignant at such disasters, I did not compete with those who, having given birth to a body, think about this one life: they do not know the Life of the Future, they consider separation from their loved one in the present life terrible and difficult. I did not tear my clothes, did not hit my bare chest with my hands, did not tear out my hair, did not distort my face with my nails, being confident that you are living an undying life with God 29, and soon I will find there the restorer of my old age, when, one way or another, this meager vessel will be crushed and I will pass into this age 30 I, the blessed of mothers, who presented such an ascetic to God, blessed and thrice blessed, because I truly dare to boast now that you, for whom I was afraid, have departed, lest envy do you something cruel to me, maliciously putting you in spiritual danger. But go, my son, go on a wonderful journey, go! And to Patriarch Abraham, if I compare myself with him, I will not concede primacy, I will not agree to take second place in his place, because with readiness, dispassionately, by God’s command, he sacrificed his son, but it is unknown whether he would have remained dispassionate after the burnt offering, because many others, who retained firmness of spirit while completing the deed, after completing the deed, indulged in sadness, with regret exposing the weakness of nature, and now I I take courage and change painful despondency into complacency. For others, the passage of time yields victory over themselves to suffering, its duration gradually exhausting the strength of patience, when memory, renewing the sorrowful feeling, gives the mind time to freely weigh the torment of suffering. For it is difficult and extremely inconvenient to maintain a right judgment for a long time in no way unchanged, because the mind, in its freedom, easily deviates into opinions contrary to previous ones. And I once mourned my widowhood, as helpless, I grieved that I was deprived of the care of your father. And now why should I cry, what should I complain about, having in you such a representative before God, who can then protect me in disasters and richly nourish my old age, drawing with power from eternal sources of mercies and generously pouring them out on me even in greater abundance than he could, being still alive and possessing royal treasures. In the royal treasuries, everything is set aside in a certain measure, and what is taken from them is no longer there, and the Heavenly treasuries, no matter how much it rains, the gifts flowing out 31 never become scarce in them.” After these words, I felt ashamed that I had weakened so cowardly, grieving for my son. And since it turned out that the woman surpassed me in courage, I was ashamed of those around me, marveled at her, and laughed at myself, taking the words of this valiant wife as a reproach for myself and comparing my foolishness with her chastity. For, having previously recognized it as fair to complain to God about what he had suffered, he at the same time recognized his sin, when he was taught by the example of his wife that every misfortune is bearable. Conscience, upset by what, in its opinion, is unbearable, is often aroused to complacency (by the sobriety of one who endures something equal) not to give in to suffering without a fight, having learned from one who has easily overcome it. So, on the advice of those living in Paran, after hearing the news, it was decided not to remain silent about the barbarian atrocities, but to make this known to the king of the barbarians. And they send two, so-called walkers, to complain about the violation of the concluded agreements. These needs are served by young men not much older than those who have left adolescence, and who have recently begun to grow a beard; They take with them bows, arrows, spears, flint and nothing else, and this is useful for them to maintain life during the journey; and some serve to catch something for food, and others to make fire and bake; There is a greater abundance of firewood and brushwood in every place, because in the desert there is no one to cut down the forest for firewood. While the messengers were walking, we went to bury the bodies. We arrived and found that the dead had been lying there for the fifth day, but had not suffered anything that a many-day dead person usually undergoes: they had no smell, no rottenness, were not touched by carnivorous birds and beasts of prey, which usually deform dead bodies. And the servant of Magadon testified to this that the bodies lay there for so long - that was the name of the senator killed by the barbarians. They found: Proclus in Bethramb, Hypatius in Gath, Isaac in the monastery of Salail 33, Macarius and Mark killed in the outer desert, Benjamin outside Elim, Eusebius in Thola and Elijah in Aza. Of these two, one, as we found, although he had many wounds, was still alive, and we carried him and put him in his cell, and we ourselves returned to bury the other bodies, but when we came back to him, we did not find him alive, but found him dead and lying by the water-carrier. Of course, tormented by thirst from inflammation of his wounds, when he got drunk, he fell to his knees, bending his face to the ground - in this position the deceased’s soul left him. Therefore, they buried him, like the others, and went to find out what news had been received from the ruler of the 34 barbarians. And we had just entered Paran when messengers appeared from him with letters that confirmed the peace and commanded the offended to go to him, especially the relatives of those prisoners who were still alive. And if anyone wants to seek satisfaction for those killed, the ruler said that he was ready to hand over the guilty for punishment, and promised to return all the loot to the robbed, because it was not desirable for him, as announced, to dissolve the alliance of peace, but the agreement concluded with them for mutual benefit was pleasant; because mutual trade brings considerable benefits when, with the scarcity of necessities, the needs of some are helped by the abundance of others. Therefore, having prepared gifts and appointed ambassadors to restore the broken peace, the next day they sent both them and me, setting off on the road with good hope. On the eighth day of our journey (and the entire journey took twelve days) we found ourselves short of water and suffered great need from thirst; They already expected death for themselves, which always threatens during times of shortcomings. Those who knew the area well said that there was a spring somewhere nearby, and this encouraged many of the weary, with anticipation of the future healing present evil, because dreamy hope reinforces no less than reality, in complete despair feeding fallen strength 35 and supporting with the hand of hope. Therefore, many ran ahead of the rest of the crowd, hastening first to find what they were looking for and wanting to freely enjoy what they felt they needed. Everyone strove in the direction where the hope of success led him. From a distance, with their eyes scanning the entire area, with intense gaze they carried out a detailed study of it, as if looking for something hidden by the light of their eyes. I also walked slowly behind those running ahead; another, perhaps, will say: because, due to senile infirmity, he did not have the opportunity to achieve stronger ones; but I confess: because I did not want to offend the importance of my title with an unseemly step at running speed. I had no less strength than was required by need, which can move the body beyond its strength, forcing it to accelerate the desire even against custom. On the road there was a spring right in front of my face, but it was invisible, obscured by the hill that rose between it and me. Having fallen behind those constantly scattering in one direction or another, I moved forward, keeping the direction in the middle between them and wondering that, whether a discovery was made here or there, I would not be further away. But, rising up, when I passed the ridge of the hills, I was the first to see the source and the many barbarians scattered around it 37 . Having met merciless enemies in front of me, I was neither embarrassed by surprise nor overwhelmed by strong fear, but, being between fear and joy, I calmed myself down by thinking about such a meeting and said to myself: “Either I will find their son and willingly remain with him in slavery, enjoying the sight of my beloved and easing the burden of slavery with the pleasantness of this sight, or I will be killed and in this I will find the end of the tormenting me. sadness." The barbarians, rushing in a heap, ran to me and, grabbing me, who stood as if numb from thoughtfulness, dragged me mercilessly. Those who walked with me to find water, seeing the enemies when they themselves were not yet visible to them, quietly turned back and hastily made an imperceptible retreat: bending to the ground and crawling like reptiles, they covered their flight. And I, who was tied up 38, torn, dragged (for what unbearable suffering did I not endure at the same time?), I imputed it to nothing and, tormented, did not feel what was happening to me, but my whole mind was busy looking for my son: I tried to find him, looking around everything with eyes that took any likeness for reality itself, often from the shadows, at will, creating images outside of myself. For what the mind imagines in the imagination, it dreamily thinks to see with its eyes, giving everything the appearance that it occupies by adherence to what it seeks 39 . A little time passed while this was happening, and then armed men from our regiment arrived and, appearing at the top of the hill, caused greater confusion among the barbarians. For, as soon as the sign of their arrival was given, not a single one of the barbarians remained in place, but the entire space, shortly before filled with people, suddenly became empty. Each, hastening to escape, gave in to flight, not having time to take anything with him, and hurried to run, as if driven by panic fear. When our men appeared, after their previous lack of fear, they were overcome by such timidity that they did not turn their eyes to the pursuit for fear of being captured, thinking that the enemies were relentlessly following behind, they drew their swords, beat some, killed many, and attributed the noise that they themselves made to the invasion of their opponents, until the considerable distance they ran across allowed them to catch their breath a little and gave them courage look back and look at the pursuers. Thus, fear makes one consider objects large, makes them appear larger than what they really are, because fear exaggerates things beyond what they are in themselves. Therefore, the barbarians fled alone, leaving everything that was with them; those who came to their place derived great benefit from what they found 40 and spent the rest of the day in that place. Then, the next day, setting out on the road and spending four more days on the journey, we came to the camp, and the ambassadors, having made this known, were called to present themselves to Amman - that was the name of the king of the barbarians. Having presented him with gifts, they received a favorable response from him, occupied a tent near his tent and enjoyed great favor until, after careful inquiry, the stolen goods were brought to light during the invasion. And they did it in a short time. And my heart trembled greatly, at any news I was horrified. In every knock (from whatever) I heard, it seemed, a quiet conversation about what was occupying me; and the ears were prepared 41 for the sounds of well-known words, and the mind waited for them as messengers, depending on what they would announce: the life or death of the son. For whoever has an indecisive knowledge of what he is doing and is wavered by doubt, he, without stopping at anything, is driven into excitement by every idea, until the clear discovery of the truth puts an end to the indecision of bewilderment and leads the whirling thought into silence 42 . When they came to me with not entirely bright faces, their downcast eyes taking them as a sign of sad news, I said: “You have no need for words, your very appearance informs me of disaster, before your tongue cries out for suffering, foreshadowing in appearance what will be said in words. Seductive slips will not deceive me, stories close to probability will not outwit me. You may have come up with a decent pretext for my consolation; a plausible lie has temporarily covered up the bitterness of the truth 44 . But I do not pay attention to words that can deceptively take on the appearance of probability, but in the face I see mental suffering, because the face is the image of the soul, clearly expressing its inner disposition, and not an artificial mask, which outwardly usually shows other features, and not those hidden in the depths of the soul. A word, when pronounced freely, can, when it wants, convey sadness cheerfully, giving sounds any image, like an ugly harlot who artificially covers her natural appearance with exquisite decorations and transforms her real appearance with deceptive colors. But the face is not able to hide mental suffering for long; it becomes an incorruptible informer about what is hidden in secret, revealing a secret disposition with its obvious changes, and cannot overcome sadness with a forced smile, just as it is impossible for a mirror to show a cheerful and blooming face, sadly downcast, because it usually reflects in itself the very thing that the one looking at expresses. Therefore, either honestly, as I ask, tell the truth, or know that you, as I said now, have already said this. What is the use of calming a sad person for a short time with false consolation, and then saddening him even more when it is revealed that the truth is really sad? Therefore, although they assured me with many oaths that my son had not died, but had been sold to someone living in the city of Elusa and was living there, they advised me to go there myself and said that I would find my son there, but this did not heal my sadness, although they alleviated it somewhat. Well, if he is alive, I reasoned, and this greatest fear of his death has ceased? Yet he is sold, lives in slavery, does not have the will to spend time with me. Necessity, which presents obstacles to the aspirations of the will and restricts freedom in its decisions by someone else's will, makes pleasure itself not at all pure, because the soul, as is natural, desires to boast of autocracy; what she thinks is to enjoy it unhindered as she pleases, and not to be enslaved in any way 47 when forced to do something that was not chosen by her. However, I finally went to the announced city with the two guidebooks they gave me, and on the road we met a young man following the loaded animals. He saw me in the camp and knew my circumstances in detail. Having been in Elusa and having learned, without a doubt, what was being told about my son, how he was captured by the barbarians, he told him the news about me and, taking a letter from him, carried the good news from him to me. Seeing me from afar, he began to approach me smiling, and I did not look at him as a person about whom nothing was stored in memory and whose features were completely unknown at the first meeting. And he, approaching me not like a stranger, speaks to me with a bright face; stretching out his right hand, bends it back and, resting his hand on his shoulder, with the ends of his fingers he pulls out a letter from the quiver, gives it to me and tells me the good news that his son is alive, advising me to be complacent and not to think that for him, as a slave, it is impossible to hope for anything good, because the one who bought it is a priest of the Divine Mysteries of Christ; Yes, and the son, as they say, has already been ordained to the sacred rank, and for the time being he has been entrusted with the lowest position of clergy, but due to his diligence he gives great hopes for a quick promotion, in a short time he showed many experiments in virtue, and he convinced everyone to have such an opinion about him, leading them to this by the kindness of his morals. I, as a poor and homeless person, rewarded the messenger with words of goodwill and prayed to God to give him many blessings in life, because I did not have anything to pay him for his good service, but I left it to God to arrange everything by His Providence and with tears I gave thanks to Him for the unexpected joy, as it marked the beginning of the end, for human reasons, of an insurmountable disaster and the return to us of our former prosperity. And as soon as I arrived in the city, first of all I sought the holy church as a blessing, and gave it due honor, watering its floor with tears and filling God’s sanctuary with lamentable cries. From there, when they showed me the way, I went to the house where my son lived, preceded by many who tried to precede my arrival with good news, because everyone, from the rumor that had spread in advance, knew that I, who had aroused a lot of talk about myself, was the father of what was sold to them. And there was not a single one who did not show signs of joy in his appearance. Everyone, looking at me as if I were a relative whom he despaired of seeing, showed with a cheerful face and galloping that he shared my joy. Therefore, when we approached the door, many, calling their son and saying that I had come, brought him out to meet me. When we saw each other, both he and I did not show any pleasure, but we both cried, wetting our faces with tears, as well as the tunics on our chests. And he ran up to me, not quite recognizing me, because with the long hair on my head and dirty clothes I could not easily be recognized. However, believing what told him more than, as he should have, his own eyes, he walked with outstretched arms, in full readiness to throw himself on my chest. And I recognized him immediately in the crowd of people, because his facial features were the same and were clearly impressed on me by the constant remembrance of him. Unable to contain the impulses of joy, I suddenly lost all the strength of my body and, falling, lay on the ground, not saying a word; many considered me dead, because even before in my sadness I was no different from a dead person, but, except for my sight and breathing, I was a complete dead man. Therefore, my son, hugging me tightly and squeezing me in his arms, could hardly bring me out of insensibility and bring me to the point where I knew who I was, where I was and who I saw with my own eyes. After that, I, having mutually embraced and kissed him, rewarded him with the same strong embrace, satisfying my long-standing desire without satiety. Then, when my ability to speak returned, I began to apologize and assure that I was the culprit of all the disasters that he experienced, who took him out of his fatherland and forced him to live in a country subject to incessant robberies. And what I said was true. For would you ever experience anything unpleasant, living where you were born and raised, in a country that is protected from everywhere by peace and is not afraid of such intrigues from anywhere? Let those who think that what is destined by fate be inevitable perish, and those who claim that some kind of necessity leads those who suffer to what is predetermined. Finally, I began to ask my son to tell me what he suffered during his stay with the barbarians, because it is no longer bitter to report the past ordeal. Just as health after an illness and healing after ulcers bring joy and not sadness, so the story of a sorrowful event, after getting rid of it, brings a lot of pleasure, and perhaps as much as the ordeal caused illness. Theodulus tells Saint Nile why he was not sacrificed by the barbarians, how he was sold by them and moved to Elusa. The Bishop of Elusa ordains Saint Nil as a presbyter, wants to keep him and his son with him, and when they are ready to go to the monastery, he supplies everything for the journey. The son, taking a deep and heavy breath and filling his eyes with tears, said: “What, parent, is the benefit of remembering sorrows? Such a reminder usually irritates the ulcers of the sufferer. If such a story captivates the ear of an outside listener with its amusement, giving him pleasure through the suffering of others, then it does not make the one who experienced it free from the painful sensation of past grief, exciting it almost to the same extent as before and, as if by touch, producing pain in the sore when it is not yet completely healed. But since I know that you will not stop worrying until you find out that it is desirable for you to know, because in the extraordinary nature of my salvation you are looking for a reason to glorify and the habit of praising God for the blessings received from Him, then listen with a courageous spirit, so that you, out of fatherly compassion, sympathize with the severity of the disasters that befell me and mourning them with your pitiful exclamations, do not move me to the point of crying. or not bring it to the point that tears prevent me from pronouncing words, so that my voice will not be heard from sobs. So, of course, the servant Magadonov informed you about many things after his escape; and repeating this will be unnecessary, and at the same time, perhaps, painful for the ear, which wants the most necessary things, and what is said another time is boring, as empty and uninteresting. But what happened after this flight needs to be said, since this is what you demand. The barbarians (as he said, for, of course, he told you about this) decided to kill us, and in the evening everything was prepared for the sacrifice: the altar, the knife, the libation, the cup, the incense; and our death, which God did not allow to happen if He had not prevented it, was appointed in the dead of morning. Meanwhile, this servant, without hiding his escape from me, left. Both the distance he had already traveled and the inconvenience of pursuing him made the possibility of catching him doubtful. For not only was the time from evening to morning long enough for the runner, but also the uncertainty of the path he had chosen made it difficult to pursue him. And what kind of expert in finding traces and a happy guesser of the unknown could follow a person running through such an expanse of desert, without finding any sign left by the passer-by, since the earth in it, everywhere hard, pitted with ravines, does not show the traces that are supposed to be on it. And I, having fallen on my face, lay on the ground, with my face down, and my mind soaring on the wings of grief, my whole thought, undistracted by anything, was immersed in prayer, because death was facing me. For when he is safe among those who are inebriated, he is scattered, engaged in trade, navigation, building houses, planting gardens, matchmaking, marriage, childbearing, military service, supplying food, judicial affairs, courts of justice, judicial seats, high ranks, heralds, city governors, revenge on enemies, dating and always being with friends, governing the people, military leadership, government affairs, even dreams of kingship. When circumstances bring him together with the fear of danger, distracting him from everything that usually entertained him in a fearless and free state, then he completely surrenders to what saddens him, and, turning to God, begs Him alone as the one who resolves all difficulties with one easy wave. 48 With a wave you put inactivity into the intensified flame, you preserved those condemned to destruction unharmed, and with your ineffable and wonderful power you made hair and skin invincible to fire; Save me too, who has no hope of help from anywhere and, before I am deprived of life by the judgment of my enemies, apparently already dead, do not allow my blood to serve as a libation for demons and for evil spirits to enjoy the fatness of my flesh. I was prepared as a sacrifice to the star, the same name as the passion of lust, - so that my body, which has been kept clean to this day, will not become an offering and sacrifice to the demon, the same name as lewdness. On the contrary, transform the brutal heart of the cruel into a merciful and meek one. You, for Esther, the flaming anger and wild rage of Assuir, king of the Medes, who converted and turned into compassionate mercy, save the soul dedicated to serving You. To the Father - Thy elder and servant - return his son, who has not learned evil and who intends, as much as depends on him, to remain pious. For it is not out of fear of danger that I now make this confession for the first time, so that my promise could be considered a reward for salvation. With a free thought, I prevented the initiation of a feat out of necessity. Prove that for salvation, faith is stronger than legs and trust in You is safer than flight. The one who was designated as a sacrifice with me in the morning escaped death, and by escape gained salvation for myself, but I remained, waiting for You to please, and, trusting in Your help, I find myself in the hands of Your enemies. He trusted his feet, and I trusted Your power. May my expectation not be weaker than the hope for bodily strength. He escaped by taking advantage of the darkness to escape, and escaped safely. And now I was overtaken by the light given to those who live to do Your commandments.” So I prayed with bitter tears, and the morning found me awake. Looking up, I see that the morning star has leaned towards the horizon. Therefore, having risen (and until then I had fallen on my face), I sit down, bowing my knees with my hands, and, bowing my face on them, I fill my bowels with tears, and again I cry with my heart to the One who is able to deliver me by the omnipotent power of the Spirit, saying: “Surprise with me Your mercy, O Master (see Ps. 16:7), who has the power of life and death, as you surprised with the saints who were in need and delivered from all sorrow, so that we too may have the boldness to call on You and place our trust in You, that we will be delivered from evils, no matter what we may be in, having in these saints an example of Your help. You delivered Isaac, who had already been placed on the altar, from slaughter, and you distracted his father, who was ready to thrust the sword, with a sonorous voice. You snatched Joseph from his murderous brother's right hand, and, having been subjected to slander, you again delivered him from unrighteous bonds and prison, and after long-term weeping you returned him to his father who was already reigning. You also delivered his father, Jacob, from a similar need, freeing him from the fear of his father and saving him from the fury of the hard-hearted Esau at Laban in Mesopotamia, where you also saved Moses, who fled from Egyptian torment. You raised two dead youths from their beds through prophetic prayer and returned them alive to their widowed mothers. And You Yourself, Master, are unchangeable and with the same power you performed miracles then and now, and now you do them. And me, O Lord, return to my father, who trusts in Your mercy. With Your help, stop the inconsolable crying, make sure that even those who do not know Your name will be amazed at the power of Your power, O honored King of all power!” While I remained in this position, the barbarians stood up in confusion, because the time of the sacrifice had passed, and the sun had already illuminated the earth with its rays. And, not finding another with me, they ask me what happened to him; Having received the answer that I was with them, but I knew nothing about the one who was not visible, they calmed down, and did not make threats to me, and did not show any signs of indignation. Then my spirit was encouraged, and I blessed God, who did not despise the prayers of the humble, I finally felt firmness and boldness in myself (because, of course, God gave me this grace), resisted the barbarians when they ordered me to eat something bad, did not obey their commands to interfere in games with women, until we finally approached inhabited places. Then, I don’t know what they came up with among themselves, they brought me into a village called Subaita 49, then they announced my sale to its inhabitants. But after they returned from the village without success, because no one wanted to give more than two gold coins for me, finally bringing me and placing me in front of the village, according to their custom they put a naked sword on my neck, telling everyone that if no one buys, they will immediately cut off my head. And I, making signs to them with both hands, begged those who came to buy and asked to give as much as the barbarians demanded, and not to show stinginess by paying the price for human blood, assuring that in a short time I would pay this price and would serve the buyer, if it pleased him, and upon payment of the price, willingly recognizing as master the one who bought my life. And as soon as someone took pity on me, so begging and shedding tears, he bought me. From there, as you can see, I was bought here; So, without spreading too much, I will say briefly, because I see that you are in excitement, almost crying and ready to disturb your joy with tears. This is what I, father, have endured, and having endured, with the help of God I am free. After this, glorify God for my unexpected and wonderful salvation.” “You, my son, in your suffering endured thousands of dangers and in anticipation suffered more than one death, although, by the grace of God, you did not experience it. And expecting certain death and realizing it through experience are one and the same thing. It can be said that the former is more severe than the latter, because it is not so much the pain that is caused by the truncation as the anticipation that precedes it, which through prolonged fear intensifies the torment of sadness and makes the expected pain last more real. And during this sorrow, I opened my mouth to the Master and made a vow to Him to work in strict abstinence and all suffering, if only you would be returned to me alive. And in a dream I heard a voice saying: “The Lord will confirm the word (cf. 1 Kings 12:15) that proceeds from your mouth.” And one should not, my son, transgress confession and violate the vow given to Christ, confirmed by the Divine answer, and, moreover, when the prayer has come to such an end.” “And I, my parent,” he said, “will willingly accept a share in the work with you, I will be a partner in the vow, because I was a partner in mercy and was even more favored. You got rid of crying, and I got rid of the taste of death. If the gift of God served you alone in favor, then I, giving thanks to God for my father, would have to accept both the benefit and the reward for it, even if for this mercy I had to endure something sorrowful. For if to Jepha, who made a vow for victory in the war, his daughter served with her death and, in order to support the good glory of her father, decided to become an offering and a sacrifice, then what will it cost me if I do not hasten, as soon as possible, to pay off my fathers’ debt? And moreover, when I repay this debt to God, who usually rewards a small payment again with new grace and accepts the repaid debt not as a debt, but counts it as something borrowed and recognizes the payment as a favor, in reward for the gratitude of the debtor, as for something borrowed, he immediately gives a new gift, always precedes it with mercies and always gives a handwriting of what he owes to those who give the loan. to repay with blessings, and in general, the reward of debtors recognizes them as generosity, so that, according to the generosity and generosity of nature, it always begins with favors, and always shows favors, like a debtor. Therefore, parent, having in me a diligent participant in the payment, begin this payment. Without a doubt, God, knowing our strengths, will collect the debt from us in proportion to them and will not laugh at the weakness of nature, demanding labor that exceeds our strength.” I added my vow to these words and said: “May they come to fulfillment, my son, may it actually appear, so that the vow will have a good end, and the good will will be effective, and the reward will follow the work, because this is the end and limit of every deed done according to God: deeds are sealed with rewards and crowns testify to the feat. Reliability in reward usually serves as some proof that deeds are worthy of approval, and rewards are an undoubted evidence of feat.” The God-loving bishop of that place took care of us for a long time, and, having restored us after the previous suffering, he begged us a lot to stay with him, and friendly promised us all peace in every need. But in order not to give rise to suspicion that he was holding him by force, because of the price he had paid for my son, and, as a ruler, demands that we remain with him, he left us to do as we pleased at our own discretion, and in only one thing he acted with authority towards us, namely: he placed the yoke of the priesthood on us, which we did not want. Arguing about the burden of the priesthood, we complained bitterly, and the burden imposed on us seemed unbearable, which, according to the life it requires, is barely within the strength and strength of the saints, because it seemed burdensome to them, and they, called to this rank, admitted that it exceeded their strength, contradicted God for a long time, referring to their unworthiness, renounced ordination, presenting their weakness, although all those living today were more capable of work and for their asceticism in goodness and in priestly service they could have greater boldness before the Lord. But the bishop said that this honor was fitting for labor and that this rank, as he believed, was given to them as a reward for the hardships of the feat. Therefore, when we set out to set off and go home, then, generously admonishing us for this long and rather long journey and wishing that God’s grace would accompany us, rewarding us with peace at last, he let us go and not only did not make any awkward allusion to the right of dominion, as perhaps someone else would have done, boasting of authority over what was purchased, but as everything that might seem unpleasant to us, he made it easier for the great consolation, and rejected any kind of arrogance from himself with a modest and moderate way of thinking. There may my word also cease, where the trial of sorrow ceased and, by the grace of God, after long-term distress, the beginning of a more joyful life in Christ was made, which may we all be worthy of, both now and in the Future Age, according to the power and goodness of the Holy and Consubstantial Trinity! She is due honor and worship now and ever and forever and ever! Amen 50. Of the two readings: τινες άκούοντές (as in the manuscript) and τινες άκούοντός μου (as printed) - the latter is preferred here. Instead of: του πάθους according to the manuscript it reads: του πόθου. The last speech, which begins with the words “and when there is one passion,” is not readable from the manuscript. Instead of έ sparej the manuscript reads: έ spairej. Instead of: κόρον according to the manuscript it reads: κόρου. This has been supplemented according to the manuscript. According to the manuscript it reads: εί σχολήν πρός τήν άκρόασιν άγετε, καί μή τις ύμας άνάγκη πρός οίκείαν χρείαν καλεί. Instead of: του πάθους according to the manuscript it is read του τραύμάτος, and instead of: του ποιου - του πυου. Instead of: τω σκότω according to the manuscript it reads: τω σκοπω. Instead of: στυφων according to the manuscript it reads: στρυφνων. A plant also known as turmeric. According to the manuscript it reads: άλλον ουκέτι έχων εύλόγως άπαιτειν, παρόν έκαρπώσατο. Instead of: ώς έμέ according to the manuscript it reads: είς έμέ. Instead of: έπάγουσα according to the manuscript it reads: άπουσα. Instead of: έλέγχοντα according to the manuscript it reads: έλέγχουσα. Instead of: βοωσα according to the manuscript it reads: δείκνυσα. According to the manuscript, the negative particle ού before the word is not readable: βεβουλευμένου. The last speech, which begins with the words “because at my feet,” is not readable from the manuscript. Instead of: τήν τιμωρίαν according to the manuscript it reads: τήν οδύνην. Moreover, above, after the word “guides”, the speech is supplemented with the words “these imaginary saviors and defenders, as they should, from other attackers, suddenly, beyond their aspirations, become murderers and, having attacked,” and so on. These words have been supplemented according to the manuscript. According to the manuscript it is read "in stones". According to the manuscript it reads: τό μεγαλόψυχον δέον. The last speech, which begins with the words “for involuntarily,” is not readable from the manuscript. Instead of: σχολήν according to the manuscript it reads: χλευήν. The words cannot be read from the manuscript: τάς πράξεις. According to the manuscript, the last speech after the words “by two testimonies” reads like this: “I mean the dream and the testimony of the one who was saved; why did my voice disappear after that, and I could neither cry nor complain, but only looked at the messenger.” According to the manuscript, the previous speech, beginning with the words “and if, philosophizing,” reads like this: “And I will endure it quietly, philosophizing and firmly knowing that you live with God,” and so on. The words “I will pass into this age” are supplemented according to the manuscript. The last part of this prayer is not readable from the manuscript, but it is concluded like this: “I am the blessed mother who presented such an ascetic to God; and I will also say, blessed one, because I now dare to boast, because you have given your mind to Christ and will be with Him, sharing endless joys.” The last speech, which begins with the words “for, acknowledging first,” is not read from the manuscript. The words “in Gath, Isaac” are added according to the manuscript. Instead of: του ήγουμένου according to the manuscript it reads: του έξάρχοντος. The last speech, which begins with the words “because it’s dreamy,” is not readable from the manuscript. According to the manuscript it reads: της είτε ένθεν, είτεκειθεν εύρέσεως. According to the manuscript it reads: βαρβάρους πολλούς. According to the manuscript, the last speech, beginning with the words “which are all likeness” and so on, reads like this: “Looking everywhere, see if I see my beloved somewhere.” According to the manuscript it is read: άποσκευήν καταλιπόντες, οί παραγενόμενοι δέ πολλήν άπό των τήν ώφέλειαν διηγον. Είτα τήν έξης όδεύειν άρξάμενοι and so on. Instead of: εύπρεπη according to the manuscript it reads: εύτρεπη. The words “For who has” and so on cannot be read from the manuscript. Instead of: διηγείται according to the manuscript it is read: έπαγγέλλει, but the word: συμπιώματι is not read. The words “invented by you” and so on cannot be read from the manuscript. According to the manuscript, the last speech, beginning with the words “and not an artificial mask,” reads like this: “... like a mirror, because it cannot show a cheerful face, sadly bowed and filled with sadness.” Instead of: τήν όδύνην according to the manuscript it reads: τήν ήδονήν. The words “because to the soul” and so on are not readable in the manuscript. According to the manuscript, the last speech, beginning with the words “because I was facing death” and so on, reads like this: “Having soared with my mind and thus silently and within myself, begging the God of all (since nothing in life could attract me and lure me with any benefits, due to the extremity in which I was; on the contrary, everything forced me to be sober, to stay awake, to listen to the one God and surrender to trust in Him), to I addressed my speech to him, saying.” And I secretly spoke to God like this: “Lord, Creator of all visible and intelligible creation, in Your hand the hearts of Your creatures, You turn into pity the brutality of unreasonable anger, when you want to save, by a truthful judgment, those who are condemned to death by the authorities; You tamed the rage of wild beasts, striving to devour human bodies, You restrained the spreading power of fire, with one This is how the village is named in the manuscript. The conclusion, which begins with the words “which may we also be worthy of,” etc., has been supplemented according to the manuscript. You might be interested in: