The St. Petersburg period of the life of Metropolitan Philaret (1808-1819)

Contents Instead of a preface Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Instructions of Elder Barsanuphius On outward behavior 2. On prayer 3. On monasticism 4. On obedience 5. On humility 6. On condemnation and suspicion 7. On elders 8. On sorrows and temptations Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X Chapter XI Word before the prayer service to the Savior in honor of the Image Not Made by Hands His, August 16, 1925 Teaching given on the day of the Angel, in memory of the holy martyr Nikon, at the moment of congratulations from spiritual children, September 28, 1925 Instructions of Father Nikon and answers to the proposed questions On the day of the Holy Trinity Conversation on the day of All Saints Chapter XII Chapter XIII Brief sayings from the letters of Father Nikon Chapter XIV Chapter XV Guardian of the Optina spirit Optina Pustyn!.. How much these two words say to my soul! Memories are crowded, overtaking one another. Bright, joyful ones are replaced by those full of sorrow... There was once a monastery called Optina Pustyn. He enjoyed great fame throughout Orthodox Russia and even beyond its borders. The monastery was famous not for the relics of the holy saints of God, not for the miraculous icons and not for the ancient architectural structures. He was famous for his elders, monks of high spiritual culture, bearers and successors of true monasticism. People with their mental and physical ailments from all over Russia strove to them, in the hope of receiving grace-filled consolation, support, advice, and guidance. The elders passed on the spiritual experience they had accumulated to their disciples. Thus, by succession, the eldership passed from one spiritual husband to another. The names of the great elders of Optina - Leonidas (in the schema of Leo), Macarius, Ambrose, Anatoly, Joseph, Barsanuphius, another Anatoly and Nektarios are known to the majority of Orthodox Christians who are zealous for piety and reverently honor their blessed memory. Optina Pustyn (now the village of Optino 1) is located three kilometers from the city of Kozelsk, Kaluga region. If you go there by rail, then the traveler, getting out of the car and passing the station buildings, will see from afar a white monastery, standing out in relief with its tall, slender, candle-like bell tower, against the backdrop of the blue forest bordering the entire horizon. If you want, reader, come with me, along with the bright memories of my youth, to Optina Pustyn! Having passed Kozelsk, we come out to Cossack Meadow. The monastery, temporarily hidden from your view behind the town houses, is again in front of you. The road winds through the meadow, winds between thickets of bushes, runs out into the meadow again, and here is a ditch. A bridge across it. This is the line separating monastic possessions from urban ones. A long alley of old, big-headed willows. Sand underfoot. It's hard to walk. It smells of flowers and river dampness. Something white and golden sparkles in the gaps between the trees. The monastery is close. The ferry (later the bridge) takes you to the other side of the fun, fast river Zhizdra. Reverence fills your soul as soon as you step onto the sacred ground of the monastery. Having made the sign of the cross, enter the holy gates. A high staircase leads you up to the bell tower. The clock melodiously calls the quarters. It is quiet and cool under the arches of the bell tower. Footsteps echo loudly on the stone floor. Along the walls are sacred images: the Presentation of the Most Holy Theotokos into the church, the Venerable Mary of Egypt in rags, barely covering her body scorched by the heat, approaching Elder Zosima, the holy prophet Elijah in the desert and the raven carrying bread to him in its beak. You move on. The sun plays brightly on the gilded crosses. The walls of the churches, drowned in the greenery of the trees surrounding them, sparkle even more. Among spreading apple trees, pear trees and other plantings, modest monastery buildings rise. A low brick end-to-end fence, lined with two rows of lime trees, surrounds the four main churches of the monastery and the cemetery. A compacted path covered with golden sand leads you past the Vvedensky Cathedral to the graves of the deceased elders. Directly opposite the southern doors of the cathedral is a chapel over the grave of the elder Schema-Archimandrite Barsanuphius and Hieroschemamonk Anatoly (Zertsalov), his mentor and teacher. To the left, beyond the southern limit, are the chapels where the elders rest: Leonid, Macarius, Ambrose, Joseph, Anatoly (Potapov). People continually entered these chapels, where unquenchable lamps burned before the images. They pray, ask the elders for holy prayers, reverently kiss marble tombstones, take sand from specially made recesses under the tombs. The giants of the spirit rest here. Warmth emanates from their cold tombstones. And those who flow to them with faith do not leave without consolation and gracious help. Having gone around the small Vladimir Church (the former monastery hospital), you go through the eastern gate onto the road to Skete. Forest. Century-old pines, oaks, spruces and lindens surround you with a high wall. Dark, quiet and mysterious. But among the thick pine trunks, something pink and light flashes as the path turns. One more turn and Skeet is in front of you. What simplicity and beauty! Under the canopy of centuries-old trees, the pink bell of Skete looks so small. On both sides of it are the “huts” of the elders. A low log wall on stone pillars with round stone turrets at the corners surrounds the Skete. And all around there is a forest, a forest without end and edge... Under the bell tower, the heavy iron door is always locked. From the walls the faces of the venerable fathers, ascetics of ancient times and our Russians look at you sternly and searchingly. Faces exhausted by fasting and deeds. Severe, soulful eyes. “The beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord, but it is said to be the birth of faith”; “Pain, illness is more painful than the flow of vain diseases, illness 2,” you read on the unfolded charters in the hands of ascetics. Hesitating, you stop. After all, here, behind this door, live people who have left the world, imitating these reverend fathers in strength. The feeling of your own insignificance and sinfulness fills your soul. You hesitate for a few moments. Finally, hesitantly knock. The door swings wide open and the gatekeeper, with a gentle smile on his old face, bows low to you. You take a step forward and stop in amazement. After the darkness of the forest of the searching gaze of the ascetics, you found yourself in the kingdom of light. Before your eyes is a garden. Among the greenery of trees and bushes, small houses-cells are white, located one stone’s throw away from each other. Directly in front of you is a wooden church of the simplest architecture, painted dark red, in the name of the patron saint of the Skete, St. John, the Forerunner and Baptist of the Lord. And tons of flowers! Starting from the bell tower, they delight your eyes wherever you turn your feet. What silence!.. Not a sound around. Only the singing of birds and the rustling of leaves on the trees disturb this sacred silence. Silence, peace, serenity... how happy were the people whom the Lord vouchsafed to live in this earthly paradise, far from the vain, troubled world, full of temptations and temptations! One winter, two young men, brothers who had come from Moscow, entered the monastery. They came for a blessing to the monastery leader, Abbot Barsanuphius, having the desire and intention to devote their lives to the Lord in the monastic rite. One of them, cheerful and cheerful, with his virgin-pure soul, burning with the desire for spiritual perfection, immediately attracted the attention of the hermitage leader. The elder seemed to have foreseen with his spiritual eyes that in this young man he would find a worthy successor to himself, a zealous follower of the old man’s precepts. Indeed, the young man soon became the elder’s closest, beloved student and “hidden keeper.” And subsequently, having reached the age of perfection, despite his relatively young years, he himself became an old man, a teacher of true monastic life. The young man’s name was Nikolai Belyaev, and in monasticism he was Hieromonk Nikon. The rest of the story will be about him, if the Lord blesses. I will not die, but I will live and carry on the work of the Lord. At the end of the nineteenth and beginning of the twentieth centuries, the Belyaev merchant family lived in Moscow. The head of the family, Mitrofan Nikolaevich Belyaev, was a peasant by birth in the Voronezh province, Zemlyansky district. His father was a serf. Burdened with a large family (he had fourteen children), after the liberation reform he experienced great need, since the plot of land allocated to him was small, and he had no other means of subsistence. For this reason, his three sons, including the youngest, Mitrofan, who was just over twenty years old, left their native places and went on foot to “seek happiness” in Moscow. Mitrofan managed to get a job as a “well done”, that is, as a worker, in the best store at that time, “Mur and Meriliz”, now the 1st Department Store (TSUM), located on the corner of Petrovka and Teatralnaya Square. He was a naturally intelligent, energetic guy and had an exceptional ability to work. Thanks to these qualities, he quickly moved forward and soon became a clerk, and then the head of the manufacturing department. He earned well and had great connections in the manufacturing world, since he enjoyed the full confidence of his owner and had great authority from him. Success, wealth and fame exceeded his opinion of his abilities, and this was mainly the reason that he had a falling out with the “all-powerful Muir” and broke with him, deciding to open an independent trade. At first his business went very well, but then he failed, as happened quite often in the commercial world, where almost everyone tried to sink the other, fearing competition. Mitrofan Nikolaevich went bankrupt so thoroughly that until the end of his life he could not rise to his previous heights and worked as a traveling salesman in large trading companies. He was in very good health and had tireless energy. According to him, in his entire life he had never been sick, except for his dying illness. Only once did he spend several months in the hospital with burns that he received in a fire while saving a child. During fires, he generally showed great courage and activity in saving people and their property. Also, during the flood, he did not leave the Moscow River, saving drowning people. For this kind of display of courage, bravery and self-sacrifice, he was awarded orders and medals. Even in the first years of his life in Moscow, Mitrofan Nikolaevich married a widow with two daughters. The wife soon died of tuberculosis. Subsequently, both of his stepdaughters died from the same disease. After the death of his first wife, he remarried the daughter of the Moscow merchant Shvetsov, Vera Lavrentievna. Her father, Lavrenty Ivanovich Shvetsov, was an abandoned child and an orphan in early childhood. Someone picked him up on the street and, taking pity, placed him with a lonely old merchant in his iron shop on Balchug. The boy turned out to be obedient, religious and extremely conscientious. The old merchant fell in love with him very much and, dying, bequeathed to him his trade in iron. Lavrenty Ivanovich Shvetsov's trading business went so well that by the end of his life he had three rich iron shops. Vera Lavrentievna Shvetsova married Mitrofan Nikolaevich Belyaev, thirty-one years old and ten years younger than him. She was a beautiful girl and had a good education for that time, she knew French and German. In her early youth, she was very interested in music and theater and was well acquainted with many outstanding artists and musicians. And she herself loved and understood music. It is possible that for this reason their wedding took place in the Church of the Great Ascension at the Nikitsky Gate, since this church from ancient times was the favorite church of all singers and artists who sang in it on major holidays and during Holy Week. The first years after the wedding, the Belyaev couple lived on Donskaya Street, in a good, now defunct house, with a large beautiful garden next to it. When Mitrofan Nikolaevich's trading affairs began to deteriorate, he began to experience great financial difficulties. By that time he already had seven children. At one time, he helped Lavrenty Ivanovich a lot in his commercial affairs, and the latter, driven by a feeling of gratitude and meeting the wishes of his wife, Maria Stepanovna, who always wanted to have her beloved daughter Verochka with her, persuaded his son-in-law to move to his house on Bolshaya Ordynka, in the parish of the Church of the Mother of God “Joy of All Who Sorrow,” for joint residence. The house was very large and nice; the entire Belyaev family lived in it with great comfort. All members of the Belyaev and Shvetsov family were very religious in the spirit of the Orthodox Church. Their entire daily life, not to mention outstanding events, took place in close unity with church rules and regulations. They sacredly honored holidays and fasts and often visited the church of God. They often invited clergy into their home to perform prayer services. At the same time, miraculous icons and other shrines were sometimes brought from the church. All-night vigils were often served at home, because my grandmother, Maria Stepanovna, at the end of her life, due to illness, could not attend church. Several times, Archpriest Father John of Kronstadt, revered throughout Russia, visited their house, served prayer services, drank tea, and talked. My grandfather, Lavrenty Ivanovich, was particularly pious. For thirty-three years, until his death, he served as church warden in the Church of Saints Equal-to-the-Apostles Constantine and Helen in the Kremlin, under the mountain. It was a poor, but quite well-appointed church. During Napoleon's invasion it was badly damaged by fire. Lavrenty Ivanovich worked hard on its improvement and continued the work of his predecessors. By the way, in this church there was a wondrous icon of the Mother of God “Unexpected Joy”, which Lavrenty Ivanovich and the entire Belyaev family especially revered. In his trading affairs, Lavrenty Ivanovich was impeccable in terms of honesty and integrity. There was no such case in his life that he deliberately deceived or offended anyone, thereby refuting the prevailing saying in everyday life: “You won’t deceive, you won’t sell.” “I,” he said, “have never deceived anyone in my entire life, and my business went better than that of others.” During his pious life, he enjoyed great respect, both among his fellow craftsmen - merchants, and from clergy, with whom he always maintained close, friendly relations. Even such a highly moral husband, known and revered by everyone, as Archpriest Father Valentin Amfitheatrov, treated him with great respect and was a frequent guest in their house not only when he was rector of the Church of Saints Constantine and Helen, but also after, when he was transferred to the same position in the Archangel Cathedral. Having suffered from stomach cancer for about six months, Lavrenty Ivanovich rested peacefully in the Lord on January 14, 1902. His death was truly Christian. Just on the day of his death, a miraculous icon was brought to their house. The hieromonk who served the prayer service, noticing the serious condition of Lavrenty Ivanovich, offered to commune him with the Holy Mysteries, which was done. This was during the day, around twelve o'clock, and in the evening of the same day he departed from this world. The doctor who came the next day said in surprise: “It was impossible to expect his death so soon.” I thought he would live for about another month... After his death, in the desk where he always sat in his shop, several copies of the Psalter were found, read to the point of complete unusability. Lavrenty Ivanovich loved his grandchildren very much, he was kind to them, but at the same time he was moderately strict. Mitrofan Nikolaevich was also a religious man, but his religiosity was more external. He did not delve into the depth of Christian doctrine. I regularly went to the church of God on holidays. He especially loved the splendor of the church - good singing, reading and service. Protodeacons of the Assumption Cathedral, Andrei Shekhovtsev and Nikolai Roslyakov, who were famous at that time for the beauty of their voices and services, were his friends and frequent companions. Vera Lavrentievna was no less religious than her father and husband and, moreover, had a wonderful - even, calm and truthful character. Many years later, the Optina elder Barsanuphius said the following words to her son, Nikolai: - Thank God that you have such a mother. This is truly an Israelite, there is no flattery in her 3... Mitrofan Nikolaevich and Vera Lavrentievna raised their children in the spirit of Christian love and piety. They cared not only about their physical well-being, but from the very first days of their adult lives they tried to instill in them the rudiments of a Christian worldview. They loved the children, caressed them, took care of them in every possible way, but did not spoil them, but punished them for disobedience and pranks. It was not you who chose Me, but I who chose you. On September 26, 1888, the Belyaev couple had a son, who was named Nicholas in holy baptism, in honor and glory of St. Nicholas of Christ, the Wonderworker of Myra. By that time they already had three children - Lyubov, Nadezhda, Vladimir. Nikolai was born fourth. Baby Nikolai grew up, imperceptibly absorbing all the good qualities of her soul along with his mother’s milk. In the life of every person, especially a Christian, there are events that are inexplicable in their mystery, inaccessible to the human mind. Most often they are forgotten, downtrodden, crushed by the bustle of life, and are sometimes remembered only in old age. Then the mysterious and incomprehensible suddenly becomes understandable and simple. Then, in turn, the thought comes to how a person could pass by these instructions of God’s Providence, not realize them and forget them!.. Everyone has such significant events. People who do not believe in God's Providence usually call them accidents. A Christian, convinced that his whole life is “in the hand of God,” sees in these “accidents” deep meaning and significance. From the days of his infancy, Nikolai Belyaev’s whole life was deeply providential. Even such an incident, unnoticed by anyone except, perhaps, the mother, had a deep meaning and, partly, fortune-tellingly, foreshadowed the future life of the child. The highly revered archpriest, Father John of Kronstadt, one of the righteous of our time, once visited the Belyaevs’ house. After serving a prayer service, he blessed the young mother and presented her with a photograph of himself with a handwritten signature and the date - March 22, 1888, six months before the birth of his son Nikolai. An even more significant incident happened to him when he was about five years old. Little Kolya became seriously ill with some kind of throat disease (possibly diphtheria). The disease became catastrophic. The Belyaevs' regular doctor, Saltykov, made it clear to the parents about the hopeless condition of the child. Indeed, by nightfall Kolya became so ill that the fatal outcome of the disease was no longer in doubt. The child lay unconscious. His little body turned cold and blue. There was no breathing. Only his parents remained at the bedside of his dying son. Poor Vera Lavrentievna, without ceasing to rub her cold little body and, shedding hot tears, fervently prayed to St. Nicholas to send help from above. Her father tried to persuade her to leave the “dead man” and not torment herself and him. Not listening to her husband, she continued to rub, shedding tears and calling for help from the saint of God, who helps where human help is powerless. And - a miracle happened!.. The child sighed... Encouraged by a faint glimmer of hope, the two of them, already together, began to rub even harder. The mother’s prayer, raised from the fullness of a loving heart, did not go unheard. The Lord, through the prayers of St. Nicholas, gave life to the child. And, of course, life was not given to the baby Nicholas to serve the passions of this world. The omniscient Lord, who foresees the entire life of every person from birth to death, miraculously made it clear that the life of the baby Nikolai Belyaev was predestined to serve Him, the Creator and Provider and our God... Subsequently, the Optina Elder Barsanuphius especially emphasized the mysterious significance of this incident in the sense of Nicholas’s clear destiny for a world-denying, monastic life... And during the rest of his life there were many cases of obvious manifestation of God’s Providence over him. The Lord led His chosen one with an invisible hand to the path destined for him, protecting and saving. Kolya grew up as a cheerful, playful child. Despite some clumsiness, he was very dexterous, enterprising and inventive in various children's games and amusements. One of the favorite games that required strength and dexterity was the game of grandmas. Once during this game, he inadvertently stood near the wall, towards which they were “beating”. And then one boy, possessing exceptional physical strength, hit the “cue ball,” that is, the headstock filled with lead, so hard that, having knocked down several headstocks, it flew off and hit the wall three to four centimeters from Kolya’s head. The slightest careless movement of him at that moment, and the heavy head would have broken his head. There were many such cases when his life was in danger. But they were quickly forgotten or simply went unnoticed. Two more incidents can be noted that occurred at a time when Kolya was already a young man. The hand of God is also visible in them, clearly protecting him. In 1905, when Kolya was seventeen years old, he was visiting his friends at the dacha. One young man invited him to go hunting with him. Kolya went for a walk in the forest. They didn’t have to hunt, they didn’t come across any game, and they started collecting mushrooms. Suddenly the young hunter cocked the hammer of his gun. It seemed to him that the hazel grouse was sitting in a bush. There was nothing in the bush, but under another bush he saw a mushroom and told Kolya to take it, and he began to pull the trigger. There should have been a shot, and if there had been, the bullet would certainly have hit Kolya, who was bending over the mushroom - the muzzle of the gun was pointed in his direction at a distance of two or three steps. But for some unknown reason there was no shot. Another case was like this. One day Kolya was riding a bicycle along one of the outskirts of Moscow. The street was deserted. He rode calmly and carelessly, looking around. Suddenly it was as if something had pushed him. He turned his head and saw a trotter on tires rushing silently straight towards him. If he had turned a few moments later, the trotter would have knocked him down and, perhaps, crushed him to death or, at best, maimed him. His guardian angel invisibly pointed out the danger. Subsequently, recalling these incidents of his life, he wrote in his diary: “The Lord always protected me.” And Elder Barsanuphius, his mentor, repeatedly told him that his life was “entirely providential.” The Belyaev couple had eight children. The eldest girls were Lyubov and Nadezhda. Then came the boys - Vladimir, Nikolai, Sergei, Ivan, Mitrofan and Alexey. All of them were “the same age,” that is, they were born one year after another, except for the last ones, Mitrofan and Alexei. All of them, except Alyosha, were baptized in the Church of the Deposition of the Robe (Laying of the Robe of the Lord) on Donskaya Street, since they were born before moving to their grandfather. In the quite wealthy Belyaev family, the children lived well. They not only never experienced material need, but, one might say, lived almost in luxury. The children had their own rooms. Older boys had their own separate room. Those who were younger were also placed in separate rooms. Girls too. One of the boys, Ivan, was even given a room for him alone, since in his adolescence he was fond of canaries. He had so many of them that they flew freely around the room. To prevent children from lying around on the floor during their games, large felt lined with chintz and similar pillows stuffed with cotton wool were laid out. On the occasion of the Nativity of Christ, there was always a Christmas tree, which was decorated using a sliding ladder. Preparations for the Christmas tree began long before the holiday. Under the guidance of their mother and nanny, all children took an active part in making decorations for the Christmas tree. They made chains, stars, and firecrackers from gilded and colored paper. Walnuts were gilded with gold leaf. Not only the children of relatives and friends were invited to the Christmas tree, but also the children of servants from familiar houses, although separately. The children were taught that there was no difference between them, children from the wealthy class, and others. Yes, they themselves did not notice the difference and just as willingly and naturally had fun with them. Life was especially good for Kolya. He was a sweet, cheerful child and enjoyed exceptional love from his grandparents. He was naturally endowed with a cheerful, lively and energetic character. These qualities set him apart from his brothers. His cheerfulness infected others. Wherever he appeared, boredom disappeared everywhere and fun was established. He was full of joy. He remained like this until the end of his days, the only difference being that the thoughtless childish gaiety was replaced by quiet joy, the fruit of a high spiritual culture. Judging by the memoirs of his brother Ivan, a distinctive feature of Kolya’s character even in childhood was patience and very great restraint. According to his mother, compared to his brothers, he was an exceptionally patient child from the cradle. Even during illnesses and physical suffering in general, he amazed everyone with his courageous patience beyond his years. Once there was such a case. While at the dacha, the children decided to destroy a wasp's nest in the closet, high above the ceiling. Kolya took it upon himself to get it. He was then twelve years old. Grabbing the rungs, he climbed up the wall and, trying to reach the nest, fell. As he fell, he cut his palm open with a large rusty nail. In surprise, he only screamed, but there were no groans or tears. When the mother, bursting into tears, lubricated the deep, bleeding wound with iodine and bandaged it, and the brothers looked at this procedure with horror, Kolya did not make a sound. Only his tightly bitten lip and pallor showed how much pain he was in! This trait - amazing patience - and endurance remained in his character throughout his life. In January 1902, when Kolya was fourteen years old, grandfather Lavrenty Ivanovich died. This was the first death, the first sorrow after a happy and carefree childhood life. Six months after the death of my grandfather, on July 30, 1902, my grandmother, Maria Stepanovna, his wife, died. At the same time, my father, Mitrofan Nikolaevich, became seriously ill, and, after suffering for a year and a half, he died of esophageal cancer on the night of January 2-3, 1903, at sixty years of age. He died quietly, with all Christian instructions. He was well aware that he was dying. Therefore, two days before his death, on the night of New Year, all the children were brought to him to say goodbye. Everyone stood at the bedside of the dying man with glasses of champagne in their hands. When it was drunk, the father blessed each son and daughter with a final blessing. These three deaths of close people, replacing one another within a year, deeply affected Kolya’s impressionable soul. It is safe to assume that even during these mournful years for the whole family, a turning point began to take place in Kolya’s soul. For the first time, life presented him with a riddle unsolvable by the weak human mind - the mystery of life and death. He experienced the first death of his grandfather with particular acuteness. He endured the two subsequent deaths of close people - his grandmother and father - relatively easier. From that time on, great restraint in the manifestation of his feelings became even more noticeable in him - a distinctive feature of a courageous and patient soul. So, during the last funeral service, before being taken to church, when the entire large Belyaev family surrounded the coffin with the body of Mitrofan Nikolaevich and sobs shook the air, Kolya did not make a sound. He stood at his father's coffin like a statue. Only the candle trembled in his hand and large, light tears fell to the floor from his eyes. Strange as it may seem for the religiously inclined Belyaev family - when they were little, children were rarely taken to church, especially in the cold season, they were probably afraid of catching a cold. The children were loved and caressed, but they were not allowed any liberties, and they did not dare to leave home without asking permission. At home, from an early age, they were taught to pray to God both in the morning and in the evening. Moreover, a small rule was compiled for them, which consisted of prayers: “Heavenly King,” “Our Father,” “Virgin Mother of God, Rejoice,” “Diligent Intercessor,” and others. Then a short prayer address to your saint and Saint Nicholas the Wonderworker. The rule ended with a prayer for the health of everyone by name, starting with the grandfather and ending with the younger brother. After the death of my grandfather, grandmother and father, another prayer was added for their repose. The prayers were read by heart, out loud one by one. The mother was always present during prayer. In addition to secular books, which were given to children with a wide choice, they were often read aloud or sometimes invited to read the Gospel and abbreviated lives of saints themselves. Kolya’s pure and receptive soul was extremely excited by the truths revealed to him from reading the lives of saints and other books of spiritual content, as well as in the process of studying the Law of God at school. He often thought about the question of social difference between people who were completely identical in nature. His heart sank painfully with pity for those children who (he knew this well from the stories of adults and his comrades), half naked and hungry, lived in damp basements or wandered the streets of Moscow, begging passers-by for alms. Shedding bitter tears, he sometimes fell asleep in his crib, thinking about God, His omnipresence and omnipotence. He was especially worried about thinking about death, hell and eternal torment awaiting sinners. Due to the influx of thoughts, he could not fall asleep for a long time at a time when his brothers were already asleep. The child's mind was powerless to understand the enormity of these ideas. What struck him in particular was that the torment would be eternal, that is, without end. Infinity scared me the most. It was incomprehensible to a human being living on earth in time. Sometimes, especially on big holidays, when there was nothing to do, he became bored. He, as they say, could not find a place for himself. At such moments, even his favorite games and entertainment did not attract him. The soul was starving, deprived of spiritual food, languishing, unconsciously striving for something still unknown, inexpressibly beautiful, infinitely higher than all surrounding life. The musically inclined Vera Lavrentievna passed on her abilities to some of her children. Volodya, Lyuba and Nadya played the piano well. Kolya had a pleasant, clear voice and correct hearing. Therefore, it was rare that there were no concerts in the house. Kolya sang - he loved to sing, and someone who knew how to play, most often his sister Lyuba, accompanied him on the piano. The repertoire was not rich. It mainly consisted of several popular songs at that time. One of the most beloved was the legend song: Christ the Child had a garden, And He grew many roses in him; He watered them three times a day, To weave a wreath for yourself later. He called the children of the Jews; And the garden was completely devastated. - How will you weave a wreath now? There are no more roses in Your garden! They remained for me, said Christ. The singing was not distinguished by virtuosity, but everyone present really liked it. The words of the song from the young singer breathed with genuine feeling. He captivated the hearts of listeners with his sincerity and sincerity. At the time described, the rector of the Church of “Joy of All Who Sorrow” was Father Simeon Lyapidevsky. Once, during confession, he told Kolya, who was already studying at the gymnasium, that on holidays he should definitely go to church: “This is our duty to God.” From that time on, Kolya began to visit the church more often, sometimes even on weekdays. Father Simeon was a frequent guest in the Belyaev family (Vera Lavrentievna was the godmother of his youngest son). Having once heard Kolya singing, he persuaded Vera Lavrentievna to allow Kolya to help sing and read in the choir. Vera Lavrentievna agreed, and Kolya joyfully responded to the invitation. Before this incident, of all the Belyaev children, who had already grown up and studied at the gymnasium, often, one might say constantly, only two went to church - Lyuba and Ivanushka. Now Kolya has joined them. Ivanushka, as Kolya’s brother Ivan was usually called in the family, began to strive for God, for the church, earlier than Kolya. He was two years younger than him. Their characters were completely different and therefore their relationship had little in common until now. Kolya was a cheerful, energetic, active boy and had a very attractive appearance - an oval, white face with a gentle blush, clear blue eyes and thick light brown hair. Everyone liked him and attracted everyone to him. Ivanushka was the complete opposite, both in appearance and in character. He was dark-skinned, chubby and dark-haired. She was a passionate, easily carried away nature, with an ardent heart and an inquisitive mind. Kolya, on the contrary, despite his inherent cheerfulness, from his adolescence was distinguished by a calm, even, restrained character. Ivanushka, so to speak, has been somewhat pessimistic since childhood. Part of the reason for this trait of his character was myopia, which he was not aware of until the age of twelve, when he began wearing glasses. Poor eyesight did not give him the opportunity to actively participate in children's games. Hence the consciousness of one’s inferiority and the desire for solitude. So, the three of them began to attend church almost every day. Their main teacher in church singing and reading was the senior psalmist Ivan Ivanovich Svetinsky. In addition to reading and singing in the choir, the boys served at the altar: they read memorials, inflated and served the censer, and performed other small tasks. In the “Joy of All Who Sorrow” church they served without rushing, but without delaying the service. After mass, a prayer service to the Mother of God was always served, sometimes with the reading of an akathist and always with the singing of the canon “Sorrowful guidance overwhelms my humble soul.” On Sundays, after Vespers, conversations were held on religious and moral topics. Ivanushka, Lyuba and Kolya always went to these conversations and loved listening to them. In an incomprehensibly mysterious way, drop by drop, the words of grace pierced the petrification of their hearts and removed the veil from their spiritual eyes. The eyes of their minds were closed for the time being to the knowledge of the depth of the Christian faith, but “a drop wears away the stone”... The revolution of 1905 captured Kolya and Ivanushka when they were already in high school. Many of the student youth reacted sharply to the events taking place, which sharply shook their usual, calm and calm life. In the senior classes of the gymnasium where the Belyaev brothers studied, as well as in many other educational institutions in Moscow, there were many gatherings, performances and demonstrations. They even elected their own revolutionary committee. Both brothers took part in all the performances of their revolutionary-minded comrades. For an active demonstration, sharply expressed, the entire class in which Kolya and his brother Sergei studied was expelled from the gymnasium. They were only given the right to take final exams externally. Therefore, Kolya and Seryozha, together with some of their comrades, prepared for the exams at home. The unsuccessfully ended revolution and the subsequent repressions, which did not escape some of Kolya’s comrades, left a deep imprint on his mind and made him think about a lot. It can be assumed that it was from this moment that a final revolution took place in Kolya’s soul, decisive for his entire future life. The social ideas that he had been interested in for some time faded into the background and lost all their value. He could not combine them with faith in God, but he believed in God sincerely. This incompatibility bifurcated his concepts of God, brought anxiety and bewilderment into his soul, not spoiled by life. He never lost his faith, although during his fascination with revolutionary ideas he was indifferent to religious issues. The revolution in his soul and consciousness did not happen suddenly, not immediately. Gradually, the grace of God cleansed all corners of his soul. The main reason for the coup was his frequent visits to the church, which, in spite of everything, he had not left since the age of twelve, and close communication with Ivanushka. They became so close that all their thoughts, desires, and feelings were common. They developed common interests that differed sharply from the interests of their brothers and schoolmates. Lengthy conversations often ensued on theological, moral and social topics. As a result of these conversations, they began to realize that the lives of not only the two of them in particular, but of all people in general, were not going as they should. Finally, they came to the conviction that for a truly Christian life, frequent visits to church and even reading and singing in the choir are not enough. The awareness of one’s imperfection, when comparing one’s life with the law of the Gospel, gave rise to an ardent desire to correct one’s shortcomings and, in search of a way to this, a desire for prayer, prayer for help from Above. Going to the choir began to become a burden for them, and they began to visit other churches, where nothing could interfere with their prayer, where they could stand quietly and it was easier to concentrate their attention. Moreover, oddly enough, the inseparable Ivanushka and Kolya mostly went to different churches to pray. Even when they were at prayer in the same church, they almost always stood apart. Then it was incomprehensible, inexplicable... Much in people’s lives becomes clear after a long, long time... - All life is a wondrous mystery, known only to God alone. There are no random combinations of circumstances in life, everything is providential. We do not understand the significance of this or that circumstance. There are many boxes in front of us, but there are no keys to them... Notice the events of your life. Everything has a deep meaning. Now you don’t understand them, but later much will be revealed... - this is what Elder Barsanuphius said to novice Nikolai Belyaev on November 13, 1908. Most often, the brothers went to St. Basil's Cathedral, to the Kazan Cathedral, sometimes to the Annunciation Cathedral, to the Church of the Great Martyr Barbara on the Varvarka, and finally, the Miracle Monastery became their favorite place for prayer. At the time described, Kolya, having successfully passed his final exams at the gymnasium, entered the university. Before entering, for a long time he could not choose a specialty, could not decide which faculty to enter. None of the branches of science attracted him, did not touch his mind and heart, like many of his comrades or his brother Sergei, who was interested in chemistry from his high school years and without hesitation entered the faculty, where his favorite chemistry was mainly taught 5 . Kolya entered the Faculty of Physics and Mathematics without realizing his choice, perhaps on the advice of Sergei. His heart was occupied with something else, the only thing needed (Luke 10:42), and his thought obediently followed the dictates of his heart. From the middle of 1906, Kolya and Ivanushka seemed to break away and move away from everything around them. Classes at the university and gymnasium (Ivanushka was still a high school student) ceased to interest them, and they almost did not attend them. In the morning they went to church to pray, without telling anyone at home about it. Even the mother for a long time had no idea where they spent time in the mornings. Attending church services became an urgent need for them. At this time they read only the Gospel and the Apostolic Epistles, and also the work of Bishop Theophan the Recluse “The Path to Salvation.” The truths revealed to them struck their thoughts like thunderclaps, and for a long time the words did not cease in their hearts: Now salvation is closer to you than when you believed; Now, when you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts; Let us therefore go out to Him outside the camp, bearing His reproach; Leave the dead to bury their dead; Take up your cross and follow Me 6. These words were written in fiery letters in their hearts. Both felt an irresistible need to quit their empty, sinful worldly life and correct themselves, to become true Christians. From here, as it should have been according to spiritual law, the desire arose to repent before God and start a new life. To fulfill this intention, they chose the Chudov Monastery. They were confessed before communion by Hieromonk Seraphim, who treated them attentively, warmly and cordially. This was the first conscious, effective confession in their young lives, a conscious desire to be cleansed of sinful impurity and unite with Christ. They partook of the Holy Mysteries of Christ on the feast of the Presentation of the Lord, and this day remained in their memory for the rest of their lives as one of the most precious and bright memories, “for in the Miracle Monastery a miracle of God’s mercy happened over us...” (from the diary of novice Nikolai Belyaev). After confession and communion of the Holy Mysteries of Christ, their connection with the world was actually completely broken. The enthusiastic Ivanushka was burning with one desire, one aspiration - to devote his entire life to God. He, earlier than Kolya, had the idea of ​​leaving the world with its sinful vanity and leaving the monastery. He even stopped going to school altogether and wrote a sharp letter to his comrades, developing in it the main idea about the worthlessness of worldly knowledge and about only one need. Kolya was much calmer, more restrained. He seemed to be waiting for something... Despite the fact that Ivanushka was younger than him, with his ardor he kindled and maintained the flame of desire for spiritual life in his brother’s soul. He, so to speak, was “slowing down” Kolya all the time. They had a very vague, even in some points wrong, concept of monasticism and monasteries. And, despite this, the Lord, with an invisible hand, steadily led them to the destined path. Both brothers were under the special influence of God's grace, illuminating the soul, enlightening the mind and attracting to the service of the Eternal Truth. The teacher of the Law of God in their gymnasium was the priest Father Peter Sakharov, rector of the Church of St. John the Baptist on Pyatnitskaya Street. The inquisitive and impetuous Ivanushka once approached him in class with a question about the origin of evil. The teacher of the law, who was kind to him, suggested that he come to his house for clarification of this issue. Both brothers went together. And then Ivanushka asked Father Peter a question that had interested them for a long time: would he advise them to enter a monastery and if so, which one?.. Father Peter, judging by the way of his life, had no inclinations towards monastic life and therefore had a vague understanding of monasteries, refused to give them advice and sent them to his former comrade at the Theological Academy, Bishop Tryphon. Ivanushka, shortly before visiting Father Peter, found a reference book in his grandfather’s old books entitled “All of Russia.” Among various kinds of reference materials, a list of all Russian monasteries was printed there. Ivanushka cut the sheets listing the monasteries into strips and, having mixed them, invited Kolya to draw out one strip, saying: “Which monastery is written, we will go there.” After praying to God, they drew lots. On an elongated strip of paper was printed: “Kozelskaya Vvedenskaya Optina Pustyn.” Until that moment, they had not the slightest idea about the existence of the Optina Pustyn monastery. By the way, they asked Father Peter the question: “Does he know anything about this monastery?” It is possible that the name of the monastery reminded Father Peter of the name of Bishop Tryphon, a former tonsure of Optina Pustyn. This incident is truly significant! The hand of God's Providence was clearly visible in it. Vera Lavrentievna's amazement knew no bounds when, on one truly beautiful day, February 11, 1907, Ivanushka and Kolya appeared before her, announced to her their decision to enter the monastery and asked to bless them on this path. She might have expected this from Ivanushka, but Kolya, cheerful, sociable Kolya, amazed her. And all his relatives and friends didn’t even want to believe the seriousness of his intentions, since it didn’t fit with their idea of ​​him: “Kolya Belyaev is a monk?!” In their minds it sounded wild. And he himself later said that it was “a miracle and the mercy of God.” Due to her religious beliefs, Vera Lavrentievna could not interfere with the good intentions of her children, although it was a pity for her maternal heart to bless them through hardships and labors. Her heart sank painfully at the thought that they, who had grown up in almost luxury, were depriving themselves of the simplest comforts of life. But, as a true Christian, she put duty before God above all else. With tears in her eyes, she blessed her sons kneeling and with their faces to the floor with crosses for monastic life. Shortly before this, precisely for this purpose, they ordered large, copper, four-pointed crosses, 6–8 centimeters in size. Their mother blessed them with them. Kolya especially treasured this maternal blessing and never, until his death, took off his cross... As a faithful daughter of the Orthodox Church, Vera Lavrentievna, however, did not want to resolve this important issue on her own, without the blessing and approval of clergy. Therefore, the next day, she and her sons went to Father Valentin Amfitheatrov, the former rector of the Church of Saints Equal-to-the-Apostles Constantine and Helen, who was on especially good terms with her father, often visited them and knew her since childhood. Due to old age and the loss of vision that befell him, Father Valentin no longer served anywhere, but continued to enjoy great fame. He was respected and revered by all of Orthodox Moscow, and many turned to him for advice in difficult situations in life. Father Valentin, after listening to Vera Lavrentievna, said that he could not give advice in such a matter: – I have never been a monk, how can I advise? When Kolya said goodbye: “Father, bless me,” mentally adding to the monasticism, “Father Valentin slowly, widely made the sign of the cross over him with the words: “In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit,” and lovingly kissed him on the forehead. It was felt that this blessing was a blessing for monastic life. A few days later, Father Peter took Kolya and Ivanushka to Bishop Tryphon. The Lord, who warmly responded to their good intentions, at the same time cautiously said: - I’ll send you to Optina - yes, maybe I’ll create family discord with this? The brothers unanimously answered that they had a blessing from their mother, but Father Peter was afraid of what Bishop Tryphon had in mind and informed Father Simeon about it. They calmed down only after a personal conversation with Vera Lavrentyevna. Bishop Tryphon, having learned that there were no obstacles on the mother’s side to her children, Nicholas and Ivan, entering the monastery, wished to meet her, talk personally and invited them to come to the Epiphany Monastery, where he was the vicar, for Vespers. After Sunday Vespers, they read an akathist to the martyr Tryphon and said a very good word about the prodigal son (it was the week “About the Prodigal Son” before Great Lent). And then Vera Lavrentievna, Father Peter, Kolya and Ivanushka were received by Vladyka in his chambers. The bishop, in response to the grief expressed by Vera Lavrentievna, which was quite natural for a mother, said: – Don’t worry, in Optina they will see only good things, they will take away only good impressions that will remain with them for the rest of their lives. By the way, when they entered the hall to the bishop, at the same time, from another door, Father Gabriel, a monk of Optina Hermitage, tonsured by the Bishop, entered. Pointing to him, the Lord said, smiling: “Archangel Gabriel has always been a herald. And Father Gabriel has been sent to you. So you go with him to Optina Pustyn.” When the novice Nikolai subsequently told his elder, Father Barsanuphius, about this, he said the following words: – You had already become a monk then... The Bishop, as a man of a cheerful character, perhaps said this jokingly, but the words of the bishop have great power... The archpastoral blessing is a great thing. The bishop himself may be a sinner, like all people, but his blessing and prayers have great power... So, the trip to Optina Pustyn was finally decided. Father Gabriel, with the blessing of Bishop Tryphon, took upon himself the responsibility of accompanying the brothers. One day he came to their house to agree on the day of departure, and, sitting over tea, said, turning to Nikolai and Ivan: – In Optina, first of all, they will give you “Abba Dorotheus” to read. "Abba Dorotheus?" “I thought, hearing this name for the first time, and it seemed to me that this was such rubbish that you could just throw it in the stove,” Nikolai later wrote in his diary, remembering this day, and added: “All my knowledge, all the formation of my beliefs and concepts into something definite took place here, in the Skete...” He appreciated the book entitled “Teachings of Abba Dorotheus” already as a monk and each time he read it again, he discovered more and more new pearls of spiritual wisdom in it. Just before leaving, Father Simeon Lyapidevsky said to the brothers who came to say goodbye to him: – If you endure Lent in Optina Hermitage, this will be a sign that you need to be in Optina, that this is God’s will. And Bishop Tryphon, blessing them and presenting icons of the Mother of God of Kazan, warned them: – Let Father Barsanuphius be your leader. But know that in Optina Pustyn there is a party who are dissatisfied with him and are going against him... If such people tell you anything condemning the Elder, do not listen to them and avoid them if possible... On February 23, 1907, the brothers, accompanied by Father Gabriel, left Moscow for Optina Pustyn, “without the slightest idea about it.” They saw Optina Pustyn for the first time on February 24, around four in the afternoon. “On the day of the discovery of the head of St. John, the Forerunners found Optina as a quiet refuge from everyday storms and evils. I don’t dare think that this happened without the Providence of God. After wandering aimlessly through the wilderness of life, I found here a truly rich treasure, hidden from the wise and prudent and open, accessible to infants, simpletons and those with an unevil heart. And for me it was hidden, and I would hardly have found it myself. I was brought here without knowing why, how or for what...” (from the diary of novice Nikolai Belyaev). Father Gabriel placed them in a hotel near the Holy Gate. When they had rested a little, he led them up the stairs through the Holy Gates under the bell tower to the graves of the elders, as was the custom not only among the monks of Optina Pustyn, but also among all pilgrims visiting the monastery. After praying at their tombstones and asking for blessings, they went to the treasurer of Optina Pustyn, the most loving, simple and at the same time wise Father Innocent, whose father Gabriel was his cell attendant. Having refreshed himself with tea and rested in his hotel room, in the evening the brothers attended the all-night vigil for the first time in the Kazan Warm Cathedral. It was Saturday before Maslenitsa. The singing of the male choir, amazing in its harmony, and the unusualness of the ancient tunes, almost universally out of use, amazed them. Here they first heard the inimitable, unique in their primitive, somewhat wild, beauty, wondrous Optina melodies of the stichera “on similarities.” The next day, after the late Liturgy, Father Gabriel introduced them to the Archimandrite of Optina Pustyn, Father Xenophon. He greeted them warmly, especially Ivan, but did not give final consent to accept them as novices, but suggested that they stay in Optina, pray, work, and slowly take a closer look at everything. However, he almost blessed Ivan to enroll immediately, without long conversations. On the contrary, he talked with Nikolai for a long time and refused to receive him. Nikolai left him very upset and annoyed. And only later it became clear that after the revolution of 1905, all monasteries were ordered to very carefully accept into the ranks of the brethren young people who more or less actively took part in the revolutionary movement. Because of this, Father Archimandrite could not do otherwise. From Father Archimandrite, Father Gabriel led them to Skete. The solitude of the Skete, surrounded by a centuries-old forest, simplicity, silence and silence struck their souls, accustomed to the hustle and bustle and luxury of metropolitan life, and captivated them forever. The monastery did not attract their attention as much. It was not much different from Moscow monasteries in appearance. They were especially embarrassed by the large crowds of pilgrims of both sexes. The monastery was, as it were, fenced off from the world by a wall of an ancient forest, and women were not allowed entry there. Our young ascetics found here what they dreamed of and desired. The head of the monastery, Father Barsanuphius, all white and bright, with a radiant smile, warmly greeted them in a fatherly way. - Why did you come here? – he asked Nikolai, among other things. “Seek the truth in God,” he answered. And when they left the Skete, they were stopped by the gatekeeper, Brother Alexei. The simple-minded old man was interested in the young men dressed “in a noble manner.” During the conversation with him, Ivan, among other things, asked: - Are there any nightingales here? The old man turned out to be a man of a good-natured and cheerful disposition and greatly surprised and amused them with his answer: - I haven’t heard... But there are a lot of wolves. They sing like clockwork. Seeing a crooked stick in his hand, one of them said that it would be necessary to make a good chop. The answer was as unusual as the first: - There would be lameness, and there would be an abyss of sticks in the forest! A few days later, from the hotel, according to the rules of Optina Pustyn, the brothers moved to the “hospital”, that is, a room for wanderers and pilgrims of simple rank, and among them were those who came to the monastery for a longer time and worked as best they could for the monastery. Initially, Nikolai and Ivan were given a trial obedience - to help in the horse yard. Since they did not know how to do anything, they were assigned to cut pine needles for bedding for livestock. It was already Lent. Lengthy statutory services, out of habit, somewhat tired them. Meager food, especially in the first week of Lent, made itself felt. But the desire for monastic life did not fade away or waver in them. They firmly decided to live in Optina throughout Lent. The ardent Ivanushka was all burning with the desire for achievement. He even created a strict fast for himself contrary to the rules of the monastery and, without consulting anyone, for some time he ate only bread, drinking almost no liquids. The consequence of such a rash act was that he almost died from inflammation of the stomach and volvulus, and ended up in a monastery hospital, where he spent the entire Lent. And Nikolai continued to work in the horse yard, persistently attending long Lenten services and, if possible, often visiting the Skete and Father Barsanuphius. After the very first conversations, the gray-haired old man, experienced in life, and the nineteen-year-old young man, who had not yet formed in his spiritual development, felt some kind of inexplicable connection with each other, what is called “spiritual kinship.” They, so different in age and development, understood each other immediately, sometimes without a word. Invisible threads attracted them to each other. After each meeting and each conversation, these threads became more and more strengthened and finally, subsequently, formed such a strong and lasting attachment that only separation could break them and separate them. Elder Barsanuphius saw this clearly from the very first days of their acquaintance. It was not for nothing that he later told him: “Our hearts are tuned in the same tune...” - or: “Our souls sound in the same tone.” The following incident happened to Nikolai when he was living at a hotel. One day he went out to open the door for a belated guest. It was already late and the outer door was locked. It was a dark pre-spring night. When he opened the door, he suddenly saw that darkness was separating from the darkness, moving towards him and entering the stairs in the form of a black dog. In fear, he slammed the door and everything disappeared. When he told the Elder about this, he said: - Lord, have mercy!.. Always close the door when this dog comes to you. And she will come. She won't leave you. She will come to you many more times... On Bright Week, the brothers, having spent the entire Great Lent in Optina Pustyn, returned to Moscow. At farewell, Elder Barsanuphius taught them the general rules of prayer and life, and to Nicholas, blessing him, he said: “I bless you, Nikolai Mitrofanovich, for the joy of your family and friends and for the benefit of your soul,” and gave him the icon of the Mother of God “Helper of Sinners.” In Moscow, their relatives and friends greeted them with joy. They returned from their trip to Optina completely different from how they left. The beneficial influence of fasting, prayer and communication with spirit-bearing people left its tangible imprint not only on their appearance, but also on their entire behavior in words and deeds. Everyone felt and understood this. Everyone saw that they were no longer residents among them. But no one allowed themselves to ridicule or mock them. If anyone made jokes about them, they were completely harmless, because they did not come from an evil heart. One young woman familiar to Nikolai, who lived next door, met him one day in the yard and asked him: – I heard that you are entering a monastery? How happy you are!.. This woman lived well, did not need anything, and had a good husband. So why did she call Nikolai happy? It's safe to say that she was not satisfied with her life. Many people in the world notice this dissatisfaction. They are looking for happiness, striving for it, thirsting for it and - they do not find it anywhere or in anything, because they are looking in the wrong place where they should look... Upon arrival in Moscow, to their family, the brothers lived together in the same room. They continued to attend all church services every day. Most often they went to the Miracle Monastery and the Church of the Holy Great Martyr Barbara. Nicholas especially revered this saint. They visited the Epiphany Monastery no less often. Bishop Tryphon, to whom they did not hesitate to come, who was especially kind to them and always received them warmly and cordially, blessed them to turn to Abbot Jonah, his deputy for the management of the monastery, as their spiritual father, leader and adviser. With the advice and blessing of Elder Barsanuphius, they went to Rostov the Great, Yaroslavl province, prayed before the relics of the holy saints and enjoyed the wonderful ringing of Rostov bells, unique in its beauty in Russia at that time. During this period of their life in Moscow, the brothers visited Optina Pustyn more than once. She attracted their minds and hearts irresistibly. On one of his visits, Elder Barsanuphius said to Nicholas: “You, Nikolai Mitrofanovich, have a stronger will, and I feel that I will have to meet you again on the monastic path.” And we can walk together, complementing each other... Another time, during Peter’s fast, Father Barsanuphius, sitting in the garden and talking with them about monasticism, said: - A monk is broken shards... Everyone beats him, both demons and worldly people. He constantly suffers humiliation and humiliation from everyone. They beat him, and only broken shards remain from him... And the Lord will take him and glue him back together... Only this happens not here, but there... - and he pointed his hand to the sky. - That's what a monk is... Ivan’s desire to leave the world intensified every day. He was all burning with desire to go to the monastery, and - as soon as possible and - only to Optina Pustyn, which he loved so much. Life in the world weighed him down more and more. She was becoming unbearable for him. In the end, he even became despondent, seeing the impossibility of fulfilling his desire immediately. Hegumen Jonah, “an old man of a beautiful soul, exceptionally sensitive and responsive,” understood his condition like no one else and was indispensable for him at that time. He knew how to console and encourage Ivan in his impatience, which always plagued him. Seeing that Ivan’s difficult mental state was intensifying, Father Jonah finally advised him to quickly break with the world, which was so burdensome to him and depriving him of the quiet, joyful mood that he experienced in Optina Hermitage during Lent. Bishop Tryphon willingly blessed them to go once again to Optina and again ask Father Archimandrite to accept them as novices. And so, in early December 1907, having lived in peace for about eight months, the brothers again went to Optina Pustyn. They drove with the same intention, but with different moods. Nikolai, in contrast to Ivan, rode calmly. He was generally not as burdened by worldly vanity as his brother. Despite the fact that the call of God was equally clear to both of them, he was not sure whether he should go to the monastery now or wait. It is possible that Archimandrite Xenophon’s refusal to accept him and the advice of Elder Barsanuphius to wait until “the time comes” were the reasons for his indecision. With his characteristic caution and calmness, he waited “when the time comes.” Just as before entering the university he could not decide what specialty to pursue - nothing interested him, did not attract his mind and heart - so before entering the monastery he hesitated and did not know until the very last, decisive minute which path his life would take in the future. He stood, as it were, at a point of unconscious indifference, without giving himself a clear account of why he was inclined to the monastic life. Subsequently, recalling this time of his life, he wrote in his diary: “I think that I was drawn here by the prayers of Father Barsanuphius. In addition, they prayed for us both in the world, here in the Skete, and in the monastery. I couldn’t come to the Skete on my own...” Before entering the monastery, he, having a very vague concept of monastic life, did not believe in the ideal of monasticism, and even condemned monks. Therefore, his entry into the Optina Hermitage Skete is truly a “miracle of God’s mercy,” a sign of a clear calling and Divine guidance, a sign of the special influence of God’s grace. The surprising thing is that he, who had hitherto not wanted to subordinate his will and his understanding to anyone in any way, seemed to have no will of his own in entering the monastery. Everything was done according to the instructions and blessing of the clergy, which he, without knowing why, unquestioningly followed. On Friday, December 7, 1907, when the Holy Church celebrates the memory of St. Ambrose, Bishop of Milan, the brothers were already standing in the monastery church for the Divine Liturgy, which was celebrated on the occasion of the memory (Angel's Day) of the great Optina Elder Ambrose. The Apostle, the Gospel and the sacramental singing of the psalm - everything spoke of renunciation of the world. The leader of the skete, Father Barsanuphius, talking with them that day, asked them if they had abandoned their intention to enter the skete. Ivan, with his characteristic vehemence, declared the immutability of his decision. Nikolai answered the question asked to him with restraint: “I, Father, see that I have no virtues, and I don’t have any firm decision.” I don’t know what to do... Therefore, I think I’ll do everything for obedience, as you bless. I will not go against your will and blessing. The elder, after listening to him, said: – You are reasoning correctly. On December 9, Sunday, the brothers again stood at the Liturgy in the skete church. – Did you like the Gospel and the Apostle read today? - the Elder asked them when they came to him (the Gospel was read from Luke, chapter 12, verses 16-22, and the Apostle read the Epistle to the Ephesians, chapter 5, verses 9-19). Hearing an affirmative answer, he unexpectedly said to them: – Even on Friday during the Liturgy, on the day of remembrance of Elder Ambrose, listening to the reading of the Apostle and the Gospel, I thought: “This is being said about you...” And then I decided to accept you into the Skete, confident that Elder Ambrose himself, on the day of his Angel, blesses you on this path... Hearing these words, Ivan beamed with joy, seeing the unexpected fulfillment of his desire. – How are you, Nikolai Mitrofanovich? – the Elder turned to him. - I don’t know, Father... What do you say, does it make sense for me to enter the Skete now or wait until the time, as you said before, that the time will come, time will tell when it will be possible to enter. - Of course there is. Go ahead! During the brothers’ previous visit to Optina, the Elder, probably testing Nicholas, pointed out to him the difficulties, sorrows and temptations awaiting everyone who embarks on the monastic path. Nikolai frankly, without hiding his doubts, asked him if he could endure all this, did he have enough strength? The elder replied to this that sorrows and trials are allowed by the Lord in accordance with a person’s strength, and with these words he completely reassured him. From further conversation it became clear that the Elder, on the 8th, agreed with Father Archimandrite about admitting them to the Skete. Then the conversation was of a practical nature, about a monetary contribution for both brothers. “We would be glad to leave our stomachs behind the fence, but we can’t,” said the Elder. The issue of admitting them to the Skete was resolved. For Ivan, this decision was a good fulfillment of his desires and hopes, and for Nikolai, admission to the monastery was almost unexpected. He himself later wondered how he could so easily and calmly decide on such a great undertaking, especially since he hesitated until the very last minute. On December 9, the Holy Church celebrates in honor of the Mother of God, Her “Unexpected Joy” icon. And truly unexpected, unexpected joy visited both brothers on this significant day. Subsequently, Elder Barsanuphius once asked their mother, Vera Lavrentievna, who repeatedly came to Optina Pustyn: – Was there anyone particularly pious in your family, or perhaps any good deeds? When Vera Lavrentyevna replied that her father, Lavrenty Ivanovich, was very pious, and told about him, about his works for the glory of God in the church, where the image of the Mother of God “Unexpected Joy” is especially revered, the Elder said: - So, that means grandfather is busy there for them... And to Nicholas, when he was already a novice and lived in the Skete, during one conversation he said: – You entered the Skete on the day of the celebration of the icon of the Mother of God “Unexpected Joy”. How deeply mysterious are the events of our lives! What a depth was revealed then!.. - And, after hesitating, he added prophetically: – And you will have this joy... And at your death you will... That joy will already be the beginning of eternal joy... The whole point is to endure the course of treatment. – At these words, the Elder lightly hit Nicholas on the chest in the area of ​​the heart. – If you give up treatment, things could get even worse... It’s the same in monastic life. If you endure to the end, then you can have hope... Another time the Elder told him: – You entered the Skete through Bishop Tryphon. This is a great thing! It is possible that the martyr Tryphon, who was given the grace to protect from evil spirits, acted through his prayers. Why the martyr Tryphon interceded for you, we are not given to know. Perhaps you are his distant descendant, and the saints keep a vigilant eye on their offspring... Always pray to him. Nicholas holyly fulfilled this covenant of the Elder until his death, like all his other covenants and instructions. In his prayers he never forgot to remember his benefactors, who in one way or another helped him enter the blessed haven, the quiet Skete, who guided him into the loving arms of Elder Barsanuphius, under his leadership. On December 10, inspired by a joyful feeling, the brothers rushed to Moscow. On the 11th they were already in the capital and straight from the Bryansk station, without stopping home, they hurried to Bishop Tryphon, their benefactor and prayer book, with the good news. Time flew by quickly in the preparations and hassles associated with completing the necessary paperwork for their resettlement. When all preparations were completed, they said goodbye to everyone, leaving their home, mother, brothers, sisters and all relatives and friends, leaving the world with its vanity and worries, with the only desire to devote their entire lives to the Lord, who had so miraculously called them to serve Him in the monastic rite. Bishop Tryphon blessed them with crosses at parting. “You ascend to the cross, that’s why I give you crosses as a blessing.” God help you! And the rector of the Church of Saints Constantine and Helen, where their grandfather worked so hard, to whom they also went to say goodbye, gave them small icons of the Mother of God “Unexpected Joy” as a blessing. At parting, the mother blessed them with icons of the Protection of the Mother of God, entrusting them, her dear sons, to the “warm intercessor of the cold world” - the Most Pure Mother of God, under Her invisible protection and intercession. By the way, Father Simeon Lyapidevsky, their parish priest, told Nikolai: – Yes, there you will see and experience in reality, through your own experience, the existence and machinations of the enemy – the devil, which you have hitherto only read about in books 7 . He went away in flight and settled in the desert. Encouraged by prayers, blessings and good wishes, on December 22, 1907, on the day of remembrance of the Great Martyr Anastasia the Pattern Maker, as if being released from the bonds of the world, the brothers left Moscow forever and headed to Optina Pustyn. On December 23 they arrived at the monastery. And on December 24, on the Eve of the Nativity of Christ, we moved from the hotel to Skete, a quiet, secluded, cozy Skete in order to be reborn and start a new life. “Our whole life is a wondrous mystery, known to God alone,” said Elder Barsanuphius later, remembering this life-changing event. The cells for our young ascetics were allocated in the so-called “Zolotukhinsky” building, in the southeastern corner of the Skete. The small plastered and whitewashed house, like almost all the houses in the Skete, consisted of four cells separated by a corridor. Nikolai and Ivan Belyaev settled in two of them. The decoration of the cells was very simple: a table, two stools, a wooden bed covered with felt folded in half, a coal cabinet in the front corner. Nicholas hung over it the icons he brought from Moscow: the Savior, the Mother of God of Kazan, St. Nicholas the Wonderworker and others. When everything was put in order, they served a prayer service and sprinkled the cells with holy water. Brothers Nikolai and Ivan entered a new life. Nikolai was nineteen, and Ivan was seventeen years old. Here it would be appropriate to mention once again the mysterious, surprising for the human mind, coincidences of names and events, which involuntarily make one exclaim in the words of church hymn: “I have heard, O Lord, the sight of Thy mystery, I have understood Thy works and glorified Thy Divinity!” Nikolai Belyaev, invisibly guided by the Providence of God towards the goal destined for him, entered the Skete, whose patron was the Prophet, Forerunner and Baptist of the Lord John. The very first impetus on this path was given to him by his brother, named John in honor of the Baptist of the Lord John. He was taken to Bishop Tryphon, who sent him to the Skete, by Father Peter, rector of the Church of St. John the Baptist. He first saw Optina Pustyn and Skete on the day the head of John the Baptist was found. The hand of the greatest among those born of wives is evident in all this. We can only humbly bow before the inscrutable destinies of God, directing our lives according to a plan incomprehensible to us, wisely ordained. On the inside of the Holy Gate of the Skete there is an image of the Mother of God “The Sign”, and under it, in a semicircle, is the inscription: “If Thy village is beloved, O Lord of hosts!” (Ps. 83:2) – How you should thank God that He brought you here to the Skete. Don’t think for a minute that you came yourself. No one can come to Me unless My Heavenly Father draws him. (John 6:44) Freedom was given to you from God, and on your part there was only free will. You just didn’t resist when He took you by the hand and brought you here. The Lord saves us, and we are not saved. He, the Merciful, saves us if we wish. Thank God for bringing you here, to the monastery, to our quiet, cozy Skete... Yes... Only with God’s help can you easily walk this narrow, sorrowful path... Live here for two or three years, if the Lord grants you such mercy, and you will see what bliss monastic life is... This is what Elder Barsanuphius said in one of his conversations to the novice Nicholas who had just entered the Skete. These words were imprinted in his heart forever. He never forgot this great mercy of God, and he always had thanksgiving and praise on his lips and in his heart: “Glory to Thee, Lord! I thank You, Lord, that I am here, in this earthly paradise, and not in the world! Grant me, O Lord, all the days of my life to live in this holy monastery and to be a true monk!” St. John the Baptist Skete at Optina Monastery is located in the forest, east of the monastery, approximately half a kilometer (170 fathoms) from it. The old monastery forest surrounding the Skete amazed everyone with its majestic power and beauty, especially since such primeval forests, untouched by human hands, were already a rarity in central Russia. The forest was mixed. Centuries-old trees - pines, spruces, oaks and lindens stood like a solid wall. The tables of some pine trees were not large enough for two people. They raised their mighty crowns high to the sky. Even in summer, silence and twilight reigned in the forest. Birds do not like such dense forests. The slanting rays of the sun barely made their way through the thick foliage and slid like light spots along the wide sand-strewn path leading from the monastery to the Skete. As the path turns, a pink spot of the skete bell tower flashes in the distance. After the gloomy forest, the interior of the Skete, fenced off from the world by a log wall, presents an even more striking contrast. (Even the wall of the bell tower facing the forest was blank, that is, without openings.) Inside the Skete, everything was light, clean and simple. “In this simplicity, in this deep calm, so fitting for a place of prayer, there is something that makes the Prophet’s exclamation quite understandable: “Lord! I have loved the beauty of Your house and the dwelling place of Your glory!” 8 The monastery was founded in 1821, with the blessing and special desire of Philaret, Metropolitan of Kyiv, when he was Bishop of Kaluga. While surveying the monasteries of his diocese, Bishop Philaret was so captivated by the secluded beauty of the Optina forest that he decided to build a monastery here for lovers of silent life. For this purpose, he invited hermits from the Roslavl forests of the Smolensk province. With their hands, a small area in the forest was cleared, and a wooden church and cell were built from felled pine trees in the name of the Forerunner and Baptist of the Lord John. Initially, the number of inhabitants of the Skete was small - six to eight people. But after the elder hieromonk Leonid and his disciples moved to the Skete from the Ploshchanskaya hermitage, the number of brothers increased. In accordance with the increase in brotherhood, the area of ​​the Skete expanded. At the time described, there were two churches in the Skete. The old one, wooden, in honor of St. John the Baptist with the chapel of St. Macarius of Egypt and the new one, stone, two-story, built at the expense of benefactors, in the name of St. Leo, Bishop of Catania, and St. John of Rila. To the southeast of the Church of the Baptist there was a cemetery - several rows of graves covered with cast-iron slabs with appropriate inscriptions. There was only one cross, large, cast iron, with a cast image of Jesus Christ. In front of him is an unquenchable lamp in a lantern. Behind the cemetery, a small cedar grove grew well, planted during the reign of Elder Leonid, under the shade of which on fine summer days, on holidays, the brethren of Skete were offered common sweet tea. To the northeast of the Baptist Church there were two small flowing ponds, a “planter”, and behind them a secluded alley, protected from view by trees and bushes, a favorite place for walks and prayerful contemplation for lovers of silence and solitude. The northern part of the Skete bordered the monastery apiary, separated from it by a low wooden wall with a small gate. The entire western side was occupied by buildings. In the center are the Holy Gates under the bell tower. To the right of them is the cell of the head of the Skete and the refectory with adjacent utility rooms. On the left is the elder’s cell. The entire Skete was planted with fruit trees, berry bushes and flowers. Under the canopy of apple trees the fraternal cells were located, standing out for their whiteness among the solid greenery. The monastery was especially beautiful in the spring, at the time of flowering, when all the apple and pear trees were covered with white and pink, like lace foam. It was no less beautiful in winter, on clear, frosty days and moonlit nights, all white, quiet, transparently clean. This was truly an earthly paradise, and it would be difficult to find a better place for souls seeking solitude. This is from the outside. On the inner, spiritual side, the Skete had a precious and very rare feature that distinguished it from other monasteries. This difference lay in the fact that “elderhood” was preserved and flourished in it. In this regard, Skeet was almost unique in all of Russia. Eldership basically consisted in the fact that the elder’s disciples completely rejected their own will and did everything only with his blessing. The elder was for them not only a spiritual father, but also an adviser, mentor and guide on the path to salvation. Sins were revealed to the elder every day, not only committed in deed and word, but also in thought. The so-called “revelation of thoughts” was carried out. This taught the student to live an attentive life, taught him to monitor his thoughts and refrain from bad ones that could lead to sin in both word and deed. And attention to oneself, to one’s mind and heart, led to the need for unceasing prayer, the “Jesus Prayer.” The benefits of “senile care” have been experienced by many of those who thirst for eternal bliss. For a more successful ascent up the ladder of spiritual perfection, there was and is no better way than elder care. The elder’s disciple, if he sincerely and completely rejected his will and his wisdom, himself, in a relatively short time, was filled with spiritual wisdom. The first elder in the Optina Hermitage Skete was Hieromonk Leonid (in the schema Leo). Then, successively, his student, Hieroschemamonk Macarius, who was replaced by his personal clerk and student Hieroschemamonk Ambrose. The fame of the holiness, spiritual wisdom and foresight of the great elder Ambrose was widespread not only in Russia, but also beyond its borders. The time of his life was the heyday of eldership in Optina Pustyn. At the time described, the elder in the Skete was Hieroschemamonk Joseph, who for thirty years was the cell attendant of Elder Ambrose and, to the best of his ability, received enough knowledge from him to become an elder in turn. The distinctive features of his character, in addition to other monastic virtues, were exceptional humility and meekness. He always tried to remain unnoticed, to be in the shadows. The number of brethren of the monastery and monastery gradually increased. Recently there were about two hundred and fifty monks and novices in the monastery, and fifty in the Skete. Naturally, one gray-haired elder could not satisfy the spiritual needs of so many brothers. In addition, the nuns of the Shamorda Kazan women’s hermitage established by Hieroschemamonk Ambrose, monks from other monasteries and many lay people of both sexes who sought him for advice and guidance also “treated” the elder. For this reason, mainly at the end of Elder Ambrose’s life, the head of the Skete, Hieroschemamonk Anatoly (Zertsalov), his disciple, also served as elder at the same time. He served as an elder under Hieroschemamonk Joseph. After the death of Hieroschemamonk Anatoly, the skete hieromonk Barsanuphius was elected head of the skete and at the same time an elder, and he was elevated to the rank of abbot, under whose direct leadership the Belyaev brothers were sent by Bishop Tryphon. The existence of two, and in recent years three, elders at the same time (the third was Hieroschemamonk Anatoly, the so-called “Little”, transferred from Skete to the monastery to the position of fraternal confessor) gave rise to division among monastics of both sexes. The enemy of the human race, the devil, took advantage of this and began to sow seeds of hostility among them, which later bore bitter and poisonous fruit. And this was the beginning of the flowering and decline of old age in Optina Pustyn. - The elders are burning out. There is no eldership anywhere in monasteries anymore. Here in Optina, the cinders are burning out... The enemy rebels against nothing more than the care of the elderly. All his networks are destroyed by him. Everywhere he tried to extinguish it and extinguished it!.. There are monks who live regularly, but they know nothing about the revelation of thoughts, about eldership. Therefore, without eldership, in many monasteries there was only one form of monastic life left, one appearance... - this is what Elder Barsanuphius spoke to novice Nicholas on the topic of eldership. True, care for the elderly, given the large number of brethren, could not stand at the proper level. In ancient times, the elder had one, two or slightly more disciples who always lived with him and constantly, at all times, had the opportunity to reveal their thoughts to him. Recently, in Optina Pustyn, most of the monastery monks no longer had this opportunity. Therefore, the most important thoughts, especially those disturbing the conscience, were revealed once a week. The skete monks do it once a day, in the evening, for a general blessing. Those who, by the grace of God, had the opportunity to open their thoughts regardless of time were truly blessed, for they gained great benefit and themselves, in a relatively short time, ascending from strength to strength, achieved spiritual perfection. The order of church services and the entire order of life of the inhabitants of the Skete were carried out strictly according to the regulations of the Konevsky monastery (Valaam), taken as a model at the founding of the Skete. At two o'clock in the morning matins began. The brother-wake-up man, most often also the sexton, woke up the brethren half an hour before the start of matins. This night prayer, in the early morning hours, when sleep is especially sweet and sound, was one of the most difficult institutions of monastic life. According to the ancient fathers, Matins is more important for a monk than mass in the sense that during Matins he sacrifices himself to God, forcing himself. “This compulsion, this sacrifice has great power... The grace of God helps us get up for Matins...” (words of Elder Barsanuphius). After Matins, the brethren dispersed to their cells and again indulged in a short sleep, for at six o’clock in the morning the “hours” began. The first, third and sixth hours and the “fine sequence” were subtracted. After the morning meal, at ten o’clock, everyone, except the elderly and sick, went to “fulfill obediences.” At six o’clock in the evening, all the brethren of the Skete gathered in a special cell “on the rule”, where the monastic prayer rule was read out. It began with the reading of the ninth hour. Then Great or Little Compline with canons, akathist and vespers were read. The rule ended with the “following of the twelve Psalms.” After the evening rule, everyone gathered for a “general blessing” to the elder. Then they went to the evening meal, and after it they went to their cells. In addition to the general prayer, each wanderer performed a “cell prayer rule” in his cell, consisting of reading two kathismas with troparions and a memorial, two chapters of the apostolic epistles and one chapter of the Gospel. In the evening, at twenty-two o’clock, each monk and novice fulfilled another cell rule, the so-called “five hundred”. It consisted of five hundred short prayers with bows and was performed using rosaries. Of these, three hundred are prayers to the Lord Jesus Christ, one hundred to the Mother of God, fifty to the Guardian Angel and fifty to all the saints. Of course, many of the brethren, bound by the work of obedience, could not always take part in common prayers and perform the full cell rule. This was not required of such people, for obedience, in the words of the reverend fathers, is “more than fasting and prayer.” Celebrating the Pentecentenary, daily and unforgettably, was strictly prescribed to everyone. – Hold on to the five hundred, like a pillar, there is great power in it, in it is the law of monastic life. Why? This is a secret... - this is what Elder Barsanuphius said. Practically, if one can say so, the Pentecostal Church accustomed the monk to the unceasing pronunciation of the name of Jesus, to unceasing prayer, according to the commandment of the Apostle. The attentive and leisurely completion of the Pentecostal took a little over an hour. At about eleven o'clock in the evening, before going to bed, the evening prayers “for those coming to sleep” and the midnight office were read. This ended the circle of prayer activities. Liturgy in the Skete was celebrated only twice a week - on Saturday and Sunday. In addition, on the patronal feasts of the Skete and some other days. On the twelfth holidays, the patronal feasts of the monastery, the first days of Easter and the Nativity of Christ, no services were held in the Skete. The entire monastery brethren went to the monastery for the all-night vigil and Liturgy. Instead of daily church services in the Church of the Baptist, there was a round-the-clock reading of the Psalter aloud, uninterrupted throughout the day and night, with the commemoration of living and dead brothers and benefactors. Predominantly the younger brethren, novices, were assigned to read the Psalter. Readers changed every two hours. During the time free from prayer, everyone capable of work was engaged in work - “obedience,” which was always assigned in accordance with the strengths and abilities of each brother. Obediences mainly consisted of performing various tasks necessary for life - in the kitchen, in the refectory, in the church, in the garden, etc. All newly arrived novices, regardless of their cultural development and position in the world, were first of all assigned to these “lower obediences” in order to erase the very idea of ​​​​any difference between the brethren. Monks, unable to take part in common labor due to illness or old age, were engaged in “handicrafts” in their cells, mainly bookbinding and turning. The favorite handicraft in the Skete was turning. With great skill, spoons, ladles, salt shakers, bowls, caskets and other things were turned from wood by hand. Linden spoons were especially good: light, thin, elegantly shaped, decorated with a peculiar design and sometimes with inscriptions on the handle, taken mainly from patristic sayings. All products were distributed as a blessing to numerous visitors to the monastery or were handed over to the monastery icon and book shop for sale for the benefit of the monastery. For lovers of reading, the Skete had a fairly extensive library, consisting mainly of ascetic works. The order in which books were read depended entirely on the elder. Unauthorized, indiscriminate reading was not permitted. In addition to prayer rules and church services, which were always performed in full, strictly according to the rules, without abbreviations, omissions or changes, another difficult establishment of skete life was fasting. Lent was especially difficult due to the length of church services and meager meals. Throughout the first week of Lent, except Saturday, food was without oil and only once a day. Moreover, on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday no boiled food was offered at all. Served: sour cabbage with onions, pickles, mushrooms, soaked apples, bread and water instead of the famous monastery kvass. In the evening - boiling water with bread and honey. This “lack of oil” greatly affected the health of the monks. Many weakened towards the end of Lent, and only the grace of the Lord strengthened their strength. During the rest of Lent until Holy Week, food was offered with butter on the days when the liturgy was celebrated, on the rest - without butter. Dairy foods and eggs were allowed on Saturdays and Sundays (except for fasting, of course), on holidays, in the so-called “solid week” before Lent and Maslenitsa. A total of six weeks during the year. Drinking wine was not allowed at all, even on major holidays. In short, the entire life of a skete monk was prayer and fasting. For lovers of silence, the skete, both from the outside and from the inside, had a great advantage compared to the monastery. The monastery had a large, well-organized farm. Extensive vegetable gardens and orchards, providing their fruits for the brethren of the monastery and the Skete, a cattle yard with about fifty large Simmental cows, a horse yard, a forge, a cart workshop, mills, several hotels, brick and tile factories, a kvass factory, a bakery, a tailor's, shoemaker's, carpentry, metalworking and other workshops required workers. Therefore, the brethren of the monastery were “overwhelmed with obediences.” In addition, the crowds, especially in the summer, when the influx of pilgrims increased, disturbed the silence. All this contributed little to the composure necessary for spiritual improvement. All this was no longer the same. By the way, not everyone could live in the Skete. Not everyone could withstand the duration of prayer, the severity of the rules, solitude and detachment from everything external. People with certain ascetic inclinations flocked to the Skete, and only such people felt good there. And there were few of them. For those who chose a renounced life, the entire situation of life in the Skete was extremely favorable. Everything here was wisely provided for and built according to one plan and for one purpose, the only important one for a person on earth, everything, down to the smallest detail. The composition of the brotherhood of the monastery and the monastery was very diverse. Most of the monks were of ordinary rank, for the most part illiterate people, with education no higher than primary school. There were some who were completely illiterate among them. There were few educated monks in Optina, as in other monasteries. Therefore, they were valued and quickly, without delaying them at general obediences, they were transferred to the appropriate work. For such people, lower obediences were like a test of the firmness of their intention to lead a monastic life, their ability for patience, humility and obedience. So that the “newcomers,” that is, those who had just entered, had the opportunity to look around and get used to new living conditions, at first they were not assigned to obedience. The Belyaev brothers, having left the world, sacrificed their young lives to God. For their sincere and ardent impulse, they were honored with the great mercy of God - they found the Optina Hermitage Skete as a quiet refuge, protected from the storms of the sea of ​​\u200b\u200blife, as a priceless and inexhaustible treasure, as an earthly paradise. Elder Barsanuphius often talked with them, acquainted them with the external life of the Skete, with its orders, and gave them the initial rules of behavior. By assigning Nikolai to general obediences (harvesting firewood, working in the garden) along with other brothers, he simultaneously involved him in writing work. Nikolai rewrote statements, wrote business letters, helping the clerk of the head of Skeet, brother Kirill Zlenko. Convinced of his abilities, he was soon entrusted with a more complex task - compiling a summary of the letters (in the form of a table of contents) of Elder Ambrose, in connection with the republication of the first volume. It should be noted that Optina Pustyn published quite a lot of books and brochures with spiritual and moral content. The beginning of this good deed was mainly laid by the ever-memorable elder Macarius. Under him, some of the works of the holy fathers, most valuable for monastics, were published, translated from Greek into Slavic by the Moldavian Elder Paisius Velichkovsky, mainly selected from the Philokalia. The work begun under Elder Macarius continued successfully in subsequent times. It reached its greatest prosperity under Elder Ambrose. His scribe, Hieromonk Clement Zederholm, a highly educated and enlightened monk who died at a young age, worked hard on the translation and publication of books. Under the elders Macarius and Ambrose, the following books were published: “The Ladder” of St. John Climacus, the teachings of St. Abba Dorotheos, St. Theodore the Studite, St. Peter of Damascus, St. Anastasius of Sinai, St. Barsanuphius and John, “Twelve Words” of St. Simeon the New Theologian, St. Maximus the Confessor , St. Isaac the Syrian, St. Mark the Ascetic, St. Abba Thalassia and others. In addition to the works of the holy fathers, the biographies of the Moldavian Elder Paisius (Velichkovsky), who through his successors laid the foundation for the eldership in Russia, his disciple Schemamonk Theodore, the Optina Archimandrite Moses and his brother Abbot Anthony, the Elders Leonid and Macarius, as well as their letters to monastics and laity, were compiled and published. In recent years, the biography and letters of Elder Ambrose, Elder Anatoly (Zertsalov) and Archimandrite Isaac have been published. In addition to books and brochures, the monastery published “sheets” - short articles of spiritual content, mainly excerpts from patristic legends and lives of saints. Some of the books, such as “The Ladder”, “Abba Dorotheus” and a number of others, were reprinted several times. At the end of February 1908, Nikolai was appointed to be an assistant librarian in connection with the transfer of the library to new premises - the upper floor of the Church of St. Leo of Catania. At the same time, he was assigned to sing in the choir and read. He had a good voice, he had a soft, velvety bass. Despite the fact that his throat was weak and he could not sing for a long time, he never refused to sing in the choir, but he did not ask for it either. Subsequently, as a hieromonk, he instilled in his spiritual children this rule, taught to him by Elder Barsanuphius, - not to ask for any task yourself in order to avoid arrogance and vainglorious thoughts, and not to refuse, if assigned or asked, under the pretext of an imaginary illness, for it was noticed by people experienced in spiritual life that a monk who refuses an undesirable task for him under the pretext of illness, subsequently actually suffered from this disease. Very soon his wonderful reading, which he began as a youth in the Church of “Joy of All Who Sorrow” in Moscow, was appreciated in the Skete. Slow, even reading, without intonation and “expressiveness” that imposes one’s own personal feelings and experiences, was liked by everyone. Together with a pleasant voice, it made an appropriate impression and was easily perceived, which is most valuable in church singing and reading. The order of reading “on the rule” and in the church was as follows: the Six Psalms at Matins and the canons were read by the senior, manatean monks. Akathists and the akathist canon were read by hieromonks. The middle brethren, the cassocks, read the Apostle at mass, the prologue at matins, the paremias at vespers, the hours, compline and kathisma on feast days. Younger brethren, novices - hours, compline and kathismas on non-holiday days. Having fully appreciated Nikolai's reading, he, contrary to the rules, was assigned to read what novices were not supposed to read. So, while still a novice, already in March 1908 he read Compline in church with the canon to the Guardian Angel. And in November of the same year he was assigned to read the Apostle during the Liturgy. In the very first months of 1909, he was already reading kathismas, the canon of the Mother of God at Compline, and paremias during vigils. At the same time, he was assigned to read at meals. The first thing he read was the life of St. Gregory of Omirite (December 19). About this he wrote in his diary: “This is a wonderful life! What wisdom is in the words of this saint!” In November of the same year, for the first time at a meal, he read a sermon on the day of the celebration of St. John Chrysostom, despite the fact that during the meal it was usually supposed to read the lives of the saints to the middle brethren, and the sermons to the manatean monks. In 1910, shortly before being tonsured into the ryassophore, he was first assigned to recite the Six Psalms. When he approached his elder for blessing, he said: – You read the Six Psalms... On the Annunciation... Congratulations! When he finished compiling a table of contents for the letters of Elder Ambrose, he was given another obedience - together with Hieromonk Kuksha, or rather, under his leadership, to compile the order of church services, different from the ordinary ones, for example: “Carrying out the Cross”, “Service of Holy Week” and others, with the goal of publishing them as separate books. There was a lot of work in the library. Nicholas worked tirelessly zealously, helping the librarian Father John Polevoy (later Hieromonk Joseph). When the library was moved and placed in a new building, he presented Nicholas with the book “The Royal Way of the Cross of the Lord” for his diligence and diligence. Nikolai, with his characteristic cheerfulness, willingly fulfilled all the obediences assigned to him. With an equally joyful face, he worked in the refectory - clearing snow, carrying firewood, lighting the stove, sweeping the floor, washing dishes. I went with others to the forest to get firewood. For some time he worked in the church - he was an assistant sexton. With the onset of spring, he actively took part in garden obedience: he carried manure on himself for fertilizer, dug, planted, and watered. In the summer, during mowing, together with all my brothers, I mowed the grass and collected hay in the meadows near Kozelsk. Here, in the Skete, he first became acquainted with work not for pleasure, as in the world. I had to be on my feet and work from early morning until late evening, including standing in prayer. But he, spoiled and unaccustomed to physical labor, was not burdened by anything. His bright soul knew neither despondency, nor discontent, nor grumbling. He took everything easily and joyfully. “Novices always rejoice if they come to the monastery with all their hearts, with sincere feeling,” said Elder Barsanuphius, when Nikolai once shared his state of mind with him. In October 1908, when brother Kirill was drafted into the army and he left, Nikolai was appointed in his place - clerk to the head of the Skete, Elder Barsanuphius. He was exempt from all other obediences, except for singing in the choir and reading. This obedience - writing - was his main occupation throughout his entire life in the Skete. Around the same time, with the blessing and special desire of the Elder, he was entrusted, together with Father John the Field and some other brethren, to compile a description of the Skete, both from the outside and from the inside, as well as a description of the skete cemetery with a brief biography of all those buried there. The elder wanted those new to the Skete to have the opportunity, by reading this description, to become acquainted with the life and rules of the Skete. This complex and unfamiliar work initially frightened Nikolai. He didn't feel confident in his abilities. But the Elder reassured him, saying that “the Lord will make him wise,” and blessed him to begin. The main material for this work was the handwritten skete chronicle, kept from the beginning of the foundation of the skete and stored in the library. Subsequently, this work, although not completely, was successfully completed. (A description of the monastery cemetery and all those buried there from the day the monastery was founded has been preserved in a manuscript.) Nikolai still lived in the same building with his brother Ivan, but he spent almost all his free time from prayer with the Elder. In addition to official, business correspondence, the Elder conducted a large correspondence with his spiritual children and admirers. Therefore, the entire day of novice Nikolai was busy from morning until late evening. He entered his cell only for a short time. He also drank tea with the Elder. I often had meals with him. Correspondence work and business conversations alternated with intimate conversations. Elder Barsanuphius, like no one else, had the ability to understand a person, to see his soul, his “innermost.” Favored by Nicholas from the very first days, he immediately saw and was soon convinced that in this young man he would find not only an exemplary student and an exemplary monk, but also a worthy follower of his precepts and instructions. Even when Nikolai was not his clerk, he increasingly left him with him after the “general blessing” of the brethren and had a long conversation. He decided to pass on all his experience and all his knowledge accumulated over the years of his stay in the Skete to Nikolai, as worthy to accept and preserve this gift. He shared his memories with him, confided his sorrows and joys to him, taught, instructed, warned. As his beloved spiritual son and disciple, he led him by the hand higher and higher along the ladder of spiritual ascent, lovingly guarding and protecting him. “From the very first days I felt a disposition towards you and I believe that this disposition will remain for the entire time that I have left to live... The soul feels the soul... Nothing can be stronger than this love, the love of Christ... That’s why I love you, because you understand me,” the Elder told him. This disposition subsequently grew stronger every day and at the end of their life together turned into pure and lasting affection, spiritual love. Nicholas mutually felt not only love, boundless respect and devotion for the Elder - he bowed before him. He completely surrendered himself to the will of the Elder. In his diary, which he began to keep in Moscow and continued to keep in the Skete, in the very first months of his communication with the Elder he wrote: “This is the first time I’ve seen such a person... I’ve never heard such conversations... Father is very comforting with his conversations... What a sweet, kind, childlike smile he has!.. Father is a great old man! I am becoming more and more convinced of this... It is very difficult to live without an elder... “Do not avoid the hands of the one who led you to the Lord, for throughout your entire life you should not have such respectful reverence for anyone” (Ladder, f. 4, section 72).” Nicholas read a lot and only with the blessing of the Elder. The first book he read in the Skete, “The Life of Elder Macarius,” made such an impression on him that he wrote in his diary: “Here was a man! At least for me, a sinner, to be a little like him!” Then books followed: biographies of Elder Leo, Archimandrite Moses, Abbot Anthony and others of the same kind. January 29, 1908, the day of remembrance of the holy martyr Ignatius the God-Bearer, was one of the most remarkable days of Nicholas’s life. Both brothers, Nikolai and Ivan, were dressed in novice clothing. The elder accepted money from them, 600 rubles, as a contribution to the monastery and the Skete, and told them that they had given this money not to him, but to Saint John the Baptist, and that every penny would be credited to them when everything material had lost its value. When they, dressed in cassocks and having a monastic appearance, came to the Elder and, bowing to the ground before the icons, then fell at his feet, he began to pray: “I thank You, Lord, that You hid this from the wise and prudent, and revealed it to babes 9... I thank You, Lord, that You brought these Nicholas and John here...” Next, he prayed that the Lord would grant them to successfully pass the path of monastic life and achieve their goal. Then the Elder gave them a rosary and said: - Here's a weapon for you. Use it to mercilessly hit invisible enemies... (The elder was referring to the Jesus Prayer performed using the rosary.) – Always have the fear of God. Without the fear of God you will not achieve anything... Now a new life begins for you... He congratulated them and presented them with a robe (the cell clothes of monks, mostly white), a jar of jam and three books (one of them was “On the external decency and behavior of new novices” by Ignatius Brianchaninov) with the words: - Here's to both of you, for you must be one. He then said to Nikolai: “I love her, your mother, with all my soul.” Well, she sacrificed two souls to God, blessing you... Thank her for the monetary sacrifice for the Skete and the monastery. Write to her that I am filled with the best feelings for her. I would like to see her. Maybe she will come to us here in the summer, while I’m still alive. Save her, Lord! Before and after the meal, all the brethren of the Skete congratulated them. And Father Nektary, the skete hieromonk, congratulating Nicholas, said: – I wish you to walk this path with humility, patience and gratitude... You will only live in a monastery. How they will begin to humble! There will be no shortage of humble ones! - and ran away. “I like Father Nektary. Only he is painfully wonderful,” Nikolai wrote in his diary, remembering this day. He also attached great importance to the fact that he was dressed in the clothes of a novice on the day of remembrance of the Hieromartyr Ignatius the God-Bearer, who was called the God-Bearer because until his martyrdom he “carried God” in his heart, that is, he had the great gift of unceasing mental-heart prayer. He considered it his duty to imitate this saint. After Nicholas was “dressed,” he was blessed to read, as required in Optina, “Abba Dorotheus,” a book about which he once thought so disapprovingly in the world. After reading "Abba Dorotheus", he began to read the works of St. Peter of Damascus. He really liked this serious book with deep content. And the Elder said that this book is deeper than “Abba Dorotheus.” – “Abba Dorotheus” is the ABC of monastic life. It should be reread every three years,” and he cited the example of Elder Macarius, who, rereading “Abba Dorotheus” and “The Ladder,” found something new in these books each time and grew spiritually. – If you read carefully, then when you re-read, more and more new things are revealed... For everyone, these books are consistent with their spiritual state. Regarding Bishop Theophan’s book “The Path to Salvation,” the Elder told Nicholas that it should be his reference book, since it was the first book of spiritual content that he read in the world before entering the monastery. After reading “The Ladder” by St. John Climacus, he wrote in his diary: “This is a wonderful, deep book!” Then he successively read the works of St. Theodore the Studite, St. Barsanuphius and John, St. Mark the Ascetic and others. At the same time as reading these books, the Elder blessed him to constantly read the lives of the saints. Having finished all twelve books, start again from the beginning. Nicholas was especially impressed by the writings of Bishop Ignatius Brianchaninov. He started reading them from the third volume. The elder, handing him the second volume, said: – From the outside, you have become a little familiar with monastic life, with its external structure, but here you will see the inner meaning of monastic life. The elder, in saying this, was referring to the teaching about internal monastic work, the mind-heart Jesus Prayer, set forth by Bishop Ignatius in an exceptionally accessible form. For Nicholas, this teaching was a revelation; he was amazed at the depth of this mysterious teaching that was revealed to him. “I take great comfort from the writings of Bishop Ignatius. I don’t know how to thank the Lord and Father that I have such a treasure... I am amazed at the angelic mind of Bishop Ignatius, his wonderfully deep understanding of the Holy Scriptures... I feel a special affection for his writings. They enlighten my heart, my mind with the truly Gospel light.” An article by the same author, “The Word on Death,” made an equally strong impression on him: “A lot of things became clear to me that I didn’t understand before. This book is irreplaceable in its kind,” wrote Nikolai. He highly valued the works of Bishop Ignatius until the end of his life. It is possible that their mentality and entire spiritual structure were to some extent common. – Take advantage of this time while you can read. Do not listen to the enemy, who tells you that the time is ahead when you will truly take up reading... Read, enrich your mind with knowledge and descend into the depths of humility, considering yourself worse than everyone else... The time will come when you will no longer have this opportunity... The time will come when you will not be able to read books. Mark my words... – the Elder once said to Nicholas. – Why do you, Father, say that it will not be possible to read? - Yes... In five or six years... When you need to read the book of life... These words seemed incomprehensible and mysterious to Nikolai, but he did not dare ask for an explanation... Only often, very often, did he later remember these prophetic words of his elder. “I came to know the darkness of worldly disorder; I understood the scattering of thoughts introduced into the mind by the worries of everyday life; I saw the vanity of the whirling into which a troubled life inevitably plunges a person; stung by the arrow of love for silence; sought peace of thoughts, heeding the word of the Prophet: “Seek peace and get married”; I desired the peace of mind born from here, according to the word of the same Prophet: “Turn, my soul, to Thy rest.” Saint Theoliptus, Metropolitan Philadelphian. "Philokalia", vol. 5. Nikolai quickly got used to life in the Skete and fell in love with it, every day growing more and more firmly into the new soil, falling into the same rut with the whole brotherhood. And - a wonderful thing! Cheerful and cheerful, loving the company of people, loving entertainment and fun, characteristic of all young people in the world - here he seemed to be reborn. He fell in love with the solitary life to such an extent that even short trips outside the Skeet’s fence were a burden to him and, if possible, he avoided them. Every day he went out only for water to the Ambrose Well, located a few steps from the Skete. Moreover, he, like all the brethren of the Skete, tried to go for water in those hours when there were no pilgrims. (The water in the Skete was bad and unsuitable for drinking.) He did not like to go to the monastery. He was confused and distracted by the crowds, the pilgrims, the noise and bustle associated with this. He went there in cases of extreme necessity, when he had to go to the “rukholnaya” or icon-book shop of the monastery, or on some errand for obedience. Every year, in early August, the miraculous icon of the Mother of God of Kaluzhensk was brought from Kaluga to Optina Pustyn and Kozelsk. Taking part in the religious procession around the monastery, Nicholas tried to stay close to his skete brethren and rejoiced when he again found himself in his native Skete, in his quiet cell. One day the Elder, as if testing him, said: - After Easter, I will give you a horse - go to Kozelsk, buy yourself what you need. - What are you talking about, Father, it’s hard for me to leave the Skete and go to the monastery! “That means you will make a good monk,” the Elder concluded and put his hand to his forehead. On major holidays, all the hermits went to the all-night vigil and Liturgy at the monastery. Nikolai went along with everyone. But he didn’t like to go there - his soul was not in his soul. Not only the crowds, the presence of worldly people of both sexes, weighed on him, but even the monastic service itself did not satisfy him. He especially disliked singing. He did not like music singing in churches and never approved of it. According to Elder Barsanuphius, musical singing distracts the thought and attention of the person praying to the words of the chant and therefore cannot contribute to prayer. In this regard, notated singing is not useful for the singers themselves. In addition, if you manage to sing well, vanity arises, and if you fail, then annoyance and grief always follow. The notes bind the singer hand and foot. There is no free creativity, no feeling. The soul is silent. Just beautiful sounds without content. But words escape attention, and there is no prayer. Nicholas did not even like the monastery meal. During mowing, when all the able-bodied brethren of the monastery and Skete went to the meadows between Optina and Kozelsk, the hermits ate in the monastery. There the food was somewhat coarser, as it was prepared in larger quantities than in the Skete. Working in the clean air, filled with the aroma of herbs and flowers, did not in itself burden him. He quickly learned to mow and mowed with pleasure. And yet I was glad when the mowing ended and I could again not leave the Skete, enjoying its life-giving silence. In May 1908, the mother of Nikolai and Ivan came to Optina Pustyn to visit her sons, along with her sister and nephew. Nikolai loved and respected his mother, he was glad to see her, but daily going to the monastery to the hotel weighed on him. He was already accustomed to the order of monastic life, and deviations from this order unsettled him. It also upset him that he could not restrain himself from idle talk and laughter, according to his former worldly habit. But the Elder blessed him to certainly walk in fulfillment of his filial duty, and to abstain and endure from idle talk and laughter. Vera Lavrentievna stayed for about a week. She really liked Optina Pustyn, the monastery service and Elder Barsanuphius, with whom she confessed before receiving the Holy Mysteries. She was worried about her children and, although she was glad to see them healthy and in good spirits, in one of her conversations with Elder Barsanuphius she asked: – How long will they stay in the monastery, will they have enough strength? She was afraid that monastery life would be too much for them or would bore them. The elder replied to this: - They will stay... If they don’t forget God... Vera Lavrentyevna liked Optina Pustyn so much that in August she came a second time, paid the full fee for her sons and money for the commemoration of her parents. And in subsequent years, she came to Optina Pustyn to talk and see her children. This is how Nikolai described his state of mind at the first time of his new life: “...I’m starting to like everything here more and more. How I liked the all-night vigil yesterday, especially the first part of it, vespers. How well I listened to the stichera on “Lord I cried”! How pleasant it was for me to stand at the Six Psalms in this peaceful twilight! After prayer, there is peace and silence in the soul, as in everything here. And this wonderful night - the moon, clear sky and clear stars. Silence. All around are centuries-old pine trees. The snow is glistening. Good!.. Glory to God that He, the Merciful, placed me, a sinner, here under the protection of the Mother of God and His Prophet, John the Baptist. Here I feel good everywhere, but in my cell, when I’m alone, it’s best. I never leave my cell without doing anything. I only go out to church, to obedience, to meals - nowhere else. In general, the Lord consoles me and my current life as a skete novice is not a burden to me. I don't wish for anything better... I feel very good here... ...The first day of the Holy Great Lent. It’s good to welcome and spend this holy time here! Great consolation - Lenten service! They sing far from artistically, but still - well... Now I am beginning to understand the meaning of fasting - it is easy and good for both body and soul... This is how the Lord strengthens me, unworthy - I am not at all burdened by fasting and do not desire better food. There are thoughts about the past, but they are fleeting and do not bother me. It’s another matter - in general, worldly memories and pictures - these bother me, especially during the service... Before I condemned monks, but now I see for myself how difficult it is to be a true monk. So I live in the Skete, and did not immediately become an angel, as I previously demanded of every monk... ...Easter!.. It's good here! There is no strong upsurge of feelings, as happened in the world, but calm and quiet in the soul. During this time, I seemed to have forgotten that there is a world with its imaginary joys and pleasures. I even forgot about my family, although I pray for them every day. I am completely satisfied with life here, its order. ...Spring is coming. It is warm during the day. Everything comes to life. I noticed that since last year I began to love nature more, to feel its beauty... I sit in my cell all the time, and I don’t need anything, nothing! I write and read - and I feel good... ...Very good in Skete. All the trees are blooming - the aroma! The grass is turning green. What I get from nature was unknown to me before. This can only be enjoyed by a person living among nature. In our Skete we have an earthly paradise, which is even more dear to me because here I hope to acquire heavenly paradise. The Lord consoles us who live among nature, who have fled from the imaginary comforts of city life... On our gates facing the Skete, towards the church, it is written: “If Thy village is beloved, O Lord of hosts!” - And this is truly so... ...Peace, silence all around... Lamps glow in front of the icons. The vigil had not yet begun. The brethren quietly and decorously enter, pray and silently sit down in their places awaiting the service. What a peaceful picture! It's so nice here! And there, behind the fence, there is empty vanity. Everyone is in a hurry somewhere, caring about something. What oblivion of God, the existence of the soul and the afterlife!.. Before, I too was in this cycle. And he lived. And he could live such a life. And now I am here, in a quiet hermitage. It is truly amazing how the Lord tore me away from this terrible monster - the world!.. ...Not only do I like spiritual life, but wherever I turn my gaze, everything feels like home. Once, when I was helping the sexton Father Ivan, Father Kuksha said in a conversation: “When you remember the old things, you will even cry!..” - This speaks of how good it was here before. For me, the past is the world, and the present is Skeet. And I thank God... ...I really feel very good here - I’m at peace, there are no sorrows. If there are sometimes temptations from the brethren, they quickly pass and do not particularly bother me. Sometimes I even think if this is not indifference to everything?.. I think that it is the Lord who consoles me, wanting to show me the sweets of monastic life... Everyone is looking for peace of spirit, clarity, lightness... But nothing bothers me, and I don’t wish for anything better... ... Spiritual day. During mass you could hear a nightingale singing in the apple tree. How much simplicity, beauty and the purest poetry!.. ...It’s good here in Skete! I begin to understand Father’s words: “How can we thank You, Lord, that You tore us away from the world and brought us here!” Now I ask one thing from the Lord: may I live all the days of my life in Your house!..” This is how Nikolai’s love for silence arose. His solitary, concentrated life did not last long, about a year. When he was appointed to be the clerk of the head of the Skete, Elder Barsanuphius, his order of life naturally changed. There was a lot of correspondence work. In addition, he often had to replace the Elder’s cell attendants. Therefore, as mentioned above, his whole day was occupied by the Elder. He came to his cell only for a short time during the day and in the evening to spend the night. Due to lack of free time, he did not always even have time to fulfill his cell prayer rule. But close communication with the Elder, who brought him closer to himself, redeemed everything. In the Elder he found a rich spiritual treasury and, to the best of his strength and understanding, drew from it precious knowledge. His life flowed peacefully and serenely under the leadership of the Elder. The only thing that bothered him was the thought of his upcoming military service. If short absences from the Skete were a burden to him, then the military service awaiting him seemed something terrible to him. When he asked the Elder whether it was possible to pray that the Lord would save him from military service, the Elder answered him that it was impossible, that military service was our duty to the state, that it was legal. Praying for this is tantamount to praying for deliverance from unwanted obedience. This must be left entirely to the will of God. – I made many plans for you, but as God pleases! Perhaps, when you return from the army, I will already be lying in the damp ground... Then, as you wish, my successor!.. Before the call, with the blessing of the Elder, Nikolai, together with his brother Ivan, went to Moscow to see his relatives. Nicholas was sad in his soul when he said goodbye to the Elder and the Skete. The anticipation of the long separation ahead of him intensified this sadness. Just before leaving, he walked around the Skete and sat on the bench behind the planter. “Silence in the Skete! And from this silence I am going to go into the bustle and noise of Moscow city life. Silence in the forest too. You can even hear the leaves falling from the trees. All nature freezes in anticipation of winter. The leaves have turned yellow. Many trees stand completely bare. The quiet sadness diffused in nature so corresponds to the sad feeling in my soul, the feeling of separation from what I loved so much,” he wrote. They stayed in Moscow for about three weeks. Nicholas remembered the words of Bishop Tryphon when he told him about his uninterrupted complacency: – Your complacent mood should soon pass. It will be replaced by a hard struggle... On October 17 they returned to Skete. And then Nikolai again saw everything dear, dear and dear to his heart - the forest, the Skete, the old church, the brethren and the Elder, everything that he loved so much and with which he became forever related. For four days he went to Kozelsk, to the “Military Presence” together with his brother Theodore, the cell attendant of Father Archimandrite. November 3, 1909, the day of remembrance of the Great Martyr George the Victorious, was the day that decided his future fate. He underwent a medical examination. And to his great joy, he was released from military service and enlisted in the third-class militia. Doctors found severely dilated veins in his left leg. When he, inspired with joy, came to the monastery, he met his elder there, returning from the hospital. The elder went to inspect the new building under construction. He was so happy when Nikolai told him the good news that, blessing him, he hugged and kissed him. Then, turning to the east, he began to pray. Then he said: - Great is Your mercy, Lord! Bishop Tryphon must have been praying for you... The elder really did not want Nikolai to be drafted into the army. And Nikolai did not know how to thank God for His great mercy that he was so unexpectedly delivered from a two-year ordeal in military service. Even during these four days spent outside the Skete, among the conscripted guys, he had to endure a lot of insults, ridicule and other troubles. Only one of them said a kind word to him when he left the room where the inspection took place: - God grant you to be saved! I already prayed that they wouldn’t take you... They took me... The trip to Moscow, the four-day trek to Kozelsk, all the thoughts, expectations and anxiety for the future - everything was left behind. But everything he experienced had an unfavorable effect on his state of mind, disrupted his mental balance, and caused dissipation. You abide in them, you have been taught this and that the essence has been entrusted to you, O knower, from whom you learned. Winter evening. A soft bluish twilight descended on the earth. Everything around is white. The centuries-old beautiful pine trees stand thoughtfully, as if guarding the Skete. In the cozy cell of Elder Barsanuphius there is twilight. Only the lamp burns in front of the image of the Mother of God, illuminating Her Divine face. Silence. The pendulum of the wall clock ticks, measuring the seconds. Gray-haired, in a white robe, with a rosary in his hands, Elder Barsanuphius sits under the portraits of the Optina elders. The young novice Nikolai stands two steps from him and listens, listens to what the Lord is telling him through the mouth of the Elder. Elder Barsanuphius possessed a rare gift of spiritual knowledge and reasoning. He, like no one else, understood the mysterious, hidden from superficial reading, meaning of the Holy Scriptures and the works of the holy fathers. Nicholas, listening to these words of spiritual wisdom, composed them in his mind and heart. Conversations on spiritual and moral topics were replaced by memories of the past, and sometimes by simple, intimate conversation. The Elder told him a lot from his difficult life, rich in everyday experience. - Look, how beautiful it is! - Pointing to the uncurtained window, the Elder said. The full moon rose behind the trees. The mysterious light of its rays gently slid along the branches covered with frost, over the white, sparkling snow, faintly illuminating the Church of the Baptist and the Holy Gates. – What pensive, ascetic beauty is our Skete! This left us as a consolation. No wonder the prophet David said: “Thou hast made me glad in Thy creation. Made me happy! 10 "Although this is only a hint of that wondrous, unimaginable beauty that was originally created... Everything that in the Elder’s conversations particularly caught Nikolai’s attention and was accessible to his mind, which was not yet fully mature, he wrote down in his diary with the Elder’s blessing. Instructions of Elder Barsanuphius Do everything yourself that you can do. Try not to use other people's services. Do not keep anything edible in your cell. Always be careful when eating. Drink no more than three cups of tea in your cell. This is how it is done by the elders. Don’t go to others’ cells for tea, even if they invite you. At meals, eat your fill, but not to the point of satiety. The fasting and abstinence required later are not obligatory for you. Get six hours of sleep, and three of them should be uninterrupted sleep. This is what is needed for a monk. Sleep and the womb are connected. With a full stomach, the monk sleeps a lot and sleeps more than he should. Go to church as a rule and always try to arrive before it starts. Try to arrive first. Matins in our Skete is of great importance. The entire monastery life rests on it. But it also contains considerable difficulty. And for us, who are accustomed to getting up late in the world, Matins is one of the most difficult regulations of skete life. Therefore, there is no need to give yourself any concessions from the very first days. Waking up at Matins and other infirmities come from a lack of determination. We must decide to do the job at all costs. Then the Lord helps for such determination. For example, you decided to leave the world, and the Lord helped you - you left it. And so it is always and in every matter. If you are called to obedience for some urgent purpose, and at this time you are fulfilling your prayer rule, go without embarrassment. It is good that they call, for “obedience is better than fasting and prayer.” Be silent more. And if they ask you anything, even in church, answer without any irritability, without showing a gloomy appearance. Never let anyone into your cell without praying: “Through the prayers of our holy fathers, Lord Jesus Christ our God, have mercy on us.” Whoever you meet from the brethren, always bow first, regardless of age, and take the hieromonk’s blessing. Now read books. Then there will be no time to read. You will want to read, but there will be no time for that. You will regret that you didn’t read more when you had the opportunity. Reading books will strengthen your willpower. Hold on to the five hundred, that is, fulfill it carefully and regularly. Hold on to it as if it were a lifeline and you won’t get lost. She has great, mysterious power. The Jesus Prayer must be said in its entirety, without abbreviations. This is what our elders commanded. And the emphasis should be on the last word - “sinner”. The purpose of the Jesus Prayer is to always remember God. Let your first thing, as soon as you wake up, be the sign of the cross, and let your first words be the words of the Jesus Prayer. Whenever possible, say the Jesus Prayer using the rosary, but when you are busy doing something, do it without the rosary. When you have any dreams, you do not contradict them yourself, but throw stones at them. The stone is the name of Christ, the Jesus Prayer. It is not in your power to drive away thoughts, but not to accept them is in yours. The name of Jesus drives them away. If prayer is sometimes inattentive and absent-minded, there is no need to be discouraged. During prayer, our lips are sanctified by the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Always have the Jesus Prayer with you: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” And open your thoughts. All the holy fathers say that it is impossible to go through the Jesus Prayer without checking. The name of Jesus destroys all the devil's attacks. They cannot resist the power of the name of Christ. All the wiles of the devil crumble into dust. Why this is so and how it happens, we do not know. We only know that this is really so. The test when going through the Jesus Prayer should consist mainly in the revelation of thoughts. Most importantly and above all, humble yourself, humble yourself... Prayer can be oral or external. It happens - internal, smart-hearted. But there is also a higher kind of prayer, this is spiritual prayer. Those who have it begin to learn the secrets of nature, its inner meaning and content. They look at everything visible from the inner, spiritual side. They are constantly overwhelmed with high spiritual delight, and their eyes often shed tears. Their delight is incomprehensible to us. The delight of great artists in the field of poetry, music, and painting, accessible to us, is nothing in comparison with the delight of these people, for it is spiritual. And the Monk Isaac of Syria also speaks of a fourth type of prayer, prayer that goes beyond the limits of our consciousness. What kind of prayer this is - I don’t know. Perhaps only Reverend Isaac had it. St. Seraphim of Sarov says that whoever does not say the Jesus Prayer in a monastery is not a monk... And it’s scary to think that he adds: “he is a burnt brand.” Yes... It is necessary to have some kind of prayer, even the smallest one. The main thing in the feat of prayer is patience. The enemy tries in every possible way to tear the ascetic away from the Jesus Prayer. Success in prayer is achieved by patient persistence in the feat of prayer. The works of Bishop Ignatius Brianchaninov are irreplaceable. They are, so to speak, the alphabet, syllables. The works of Bishop Theophan the Recluse are already grammar. They are deeper. Even those who have succeeded read them with some difficulty... It is impossible to understand the Jesus Prayer from just reading about it. It can only be known through personal experience. The Jesus Prayer is a boundless sea. It is impossible to exhaust it. And it is impossible to describe everything in books... Many begin, but few finish. Therefore, there are very few people who have inner prayer. This great work is now almost completely forgotten. Nobody even talks about him. For someone who has inner prayer, prayer is as natural and natural as breathing. No matter what he does, his prayer occurs spontaneously, internally. He who has such a prayer, standing in the church, listens to what is read and sung, and at the same time prays internally, as it is written: “Prayer clings to your breath” 11. Even during sleep, the prayerful action does not stop in his heart: I sleep, but my heart watches 12. But we don't have that. We wake up, and not even the name of Jesus Christ is on our lips. One is appropriate for a beginner, the other for one who has already succeeded in prayer. It is easier to listen to the words of what is read and sung than to protect yourself from wandering thoughts during the Jesus Prayer. Therefore, follow this rule. Sometimes it happens that it is more useful for a person to say the Jesus Prayer than to listen to what they read and sing... Here you need to have reasoning. The psalm words, the threefold repetition of the words: They have bypassed me, and in the name of the Lord they resisted them (Ps. 118:10–12) are fully understood by all practitioners of the Jesus Prayer without interpretation. This is one of the clearest places about the Jesus Prayer, of which there are many in the Psalter. “Is it possible for someone who has already achieved inner prayer to lose the Jesus Prayer?” – Yes, I think it’s possible. From negligence, from the surrounding bustle. And it happens that the Lord, due to His unknown destinies, takes away prayer, as, for example, happened with the schema-monk Cleopas. He felt the loss of heartfelt prayer for two years, after which it returned to him again. Perhaps the Lord sent him this to test his faith. In such cases, there is no need to despair. The languid, often desolate state that precedes receiving the inner Jesus Prayer does not necessarily happen to everyone. For the King can immediately enrich the poor. But the general order of acquiring the Jesus Prayer is this: they achieve it through many labors and sorrows, including a weary state of spirit. Lord, give prayer to the one who prays (1 Samuel 2:9), gives inner prayer. Sometimes even just before death or after death. The first gift from the Lord in prayer is attention, that is, when the mind stays in the words of prayer without being distracted. But with such attentive, undistracted prayer, the heart is still silent. The fact of the matter is that our feelings and thoughts are separated, there is no agreement in them. The second prayer is when the mind and heart are united, directed towards God in agreement. The third gift is spiritual prayer. I can’t say anything about this prayer. A person who has spiritual prayer, although he lives on earth, is in God with his mind and heart, with his whole soul. Those who have achieved such prayer look at everything with the eyes of the spirit, have knowledge and vision... It is possible to pray for the gift of attentive prayer, but asking God for high prayer gifts is sinful. This must be left entirely to God. Father John of Kronstadt was a great lamp of the Russian land. It was a lamp burning and shining. He had the gift of high inner prayer. His pastoral activity was so great that one can only wonder how his weak body could endure these works. And I remember the words of the Apostle: the power of God is made perfect in weakness... (2 Cor. 12:9) It has been noticed that people of high spiritual life usually depart to another world on the day of remembrance of such a saint, who at one time fought a similar, related feat or had the same gift as him. Father John died on the day of remembrance of the Hieromartyr Ignatius the God-Bearer, who was the founder of the inner Jesus Prayer. Yes, I practiced the Jesus Prayer. Things were going on - prayer began to flare up in me... But the abbot took it away from me... Prayer barely breathes... So often I ask myself the question: am I winning or losing in this post? Some considered me to be in delusion when I lived attentively and practiced the Jesus Prayer... Now they decide this: pray, don’t pray - you still won’t achieve prayer, those days are gone. This, of course, is an idea inspired by the devil. The Jesus Prayer is necessary to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. For a long time I could not understand what it was to connect the mind with the heart. In essence, this is the union of all the forces of the soul together, when they all rush towards God, which is impossible when separated. What beauty does a note or sound have, taken alone or in disorder? One might say - none. But these same sounds in the works of brilliant composers have great power and beauty. The Jesus Prayer has no limits. This is such a knot that no matter how much you untie it, it will still be a knot. The mind, when it exercises itself in reading the Holy Scriptures and in prayer, becomes enlightened. When he is immersed only in earthly things, he becomes pale and becomes incapable of understanding the spiritual... It is necessary to practice spiritual reading and try to overcome passions. Passions are easy to overcome when they are in your thoughts. But when they turn into words and deeds and take root, it is very difficult, almost impossible, to defeat them... The whole life of a monk is a struggle with thoughts. This is why the Jesus Prayer is needed. “If someone does not unite with the Lord Jesus here on earth, then he will never unite with Him,” says Simeon the New Theologian. These are terrible words. When I read them, while still a novice, I began to look for confirmation of this, for only the Monk Simeon says this. And I remembered the text of the Gospel: Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. (Matthew 5:8) If you rearrange the words, it comes out like this: “The pure in heart will see God.” And the inner Jesus prayer, the union of mind and heart to direct them towards God, is a pure heart. Praying in your own words is only permissible outside of church. It is not advisable to pray in your own words during church services and during the performance of the rule. We must listen to what we read. The Jesus Prayer during church services can be performed during breaks and in those cases when you cannot hear what is being read or sung... Hold on to the Spirit. The spirit gives life, the letter kills. (2 Cor. 2:6) – Which saint is commemorated today? St. Maximus the Confessor? - “Yes.” – Have you paid attention to the kontakion of this saint? - "No". – Give me Psalm 13 here. Read. - “The tri-illuminated light that has entered your soul, the vessel chosen to show you, all-blessed...” - Here we are talking about the Jesus Prayer. Now further. - “Revealing the Divine end, you speak of inconvenient understandings, O blessed one, and the Trinity to all, Maxima, preach clearly, the Subsistent, the Beginningless.” – Now I understand why Elder Ambrose always had at hand the works of St. Maximus the Confessor. His creations are very deep and mysterious. To remember prayerfully unglorified ascetics, known for their holy lives, is a great thing. They do not need our prayers as much as we need their prayers. If we prayerfully remember them, they listen to our voice and pray for us. You may have noticed that I remember many saints at the end of my evening prayers. Don't think that this is just like that, without any reason. The name of every saint I remember is associated with some event in my life that happened on the day of his memory. Their names stick with me. I noticed that on the days of their memory I got rid of trouble or danger. The Psalm Living in the Help of the Most High must be known by heart and read daily. He has great power and delivers from danger. The devil will not allow you to take a single step in the matter of spiritual success. You have to fight for every step. To fight it, we have one weapon - the Jesus Prayer. It is said: “Strike the invisible warriors with this sword, for there is no stronger weapon either in heaven or on earth” 14. If you think about these words, it’s scary to think that there is no stronger weapon even in heaven. In the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord... (Phil. 2:10–11) What terrible times will come!.. Gradually you need to go through monastic life. This is the science of sciences. Just as any science must be studied under the guidance of an experienced person, so here it is necessary to stick to your elder. But “one is worthy of questioning,” for spiritual division may occur. There are two types of monasticism - external and internal. External, so-called “hooded” monasticism is easily acquired, as St. John Climacus writes that it is easy to become an external monk, but difficult to become an internal monk. This inner monasticism can even exist in the world, although it is only “maybe.” This inner monasticism is now so rarely talked about. They almost have no idea. External monasticism is an exercise in external feats: fasting, vigil. This also includes attendance at church services in good appearance and sobriety. And internal monasticism is the cleansing of the heart from passions, the struggle with thoughts. It is impossible to avoid external monasticism, but one cannot be satisfied with it alone either. External monasticism alone, without internal monasticism, even brings harm. External monasticism can be likened to digging up the earth. No matter how much you dig, nothing will grow unless you sow. Inner monasticism is sowing. And wheat is the Jesus Prayer. The Jesus Prayer sanctifies the entire inner life of a monk and gives him strength in the struggle. It is especially necessary when enduring sorrows and temptations... First, one must acquire external monasticism, that is, monastic courtesy, but do not stop there, but go further. Monasticism does not consist only of a cassock, lean cabbage soup and porridge. True, you need to wear monastic clothes and fast, but that’s not all. The external alone does not bring any benefit; an internal light is needed. Monasticism is the hidden person of the heart (1 Peter 3:4), as Elder Anatoly said. If you see monasticism as just one form, then living in a monastery is difficult... There are many ordinary monks. But there are those, and there are not many of them, who burn with a special love for God and worship Him in spirit and truth. These are the purest idealists. The Lord is looking for such people, calling them to Himself. It is only good for him to live in a monastery who thanks God for His mercy, for tearing him away from the world and placing him in a monastery. And whoever grumbles about his life, it is very difficult for him to live in a monastery. The whole life of a monk is inside him, for monastic work is internal work. External things - abstinence and exploits - are only a benefit. If every person monitors his life, especially a monk, he will see that his life is a complete miracle. Your purpose comes from Above. It is good to live in a monastery when someone lives carefully and delves into the inner meaning of monastic life... Delving into the inner meaning, one can see wondrous wisdom and depth in everything. Beginners are always happy if they go to the monastery with all their hearts. Work for the Lord with fear and rejoice in Him with trembling. These are the ones who work for the Lord with fear, fearing to offend Him in any way, and they rejoice. How? With trepidation. St. John Climacus says: “Angels are the light of monks, and monks are the light of worldly people.” Don't forget that we are to be a light to the world... Our purpose in the hereafter is to be kings and priests. The mantle and schema have the great significance that those who receive them are given the grace to live like a monk and fulfill monastic vows. The middle of the monastic path is very difficult. This is the most difficult part of the monastic path. At the beginning of the path, the grace of God helps and comforts, but the middle is the heat itself. You came here to seek God. And everyone is looking for God. Finding God is the goal of monastic life. You can live in a monastery, but you won’t achieve anything, you won’t be a monk... Everyone is looking for God. So artists in the field of poetry, painting, especially music, seek God. Yes, that’s not how they search... How to search for God? By keeping His commandments... Pushkin in his poem “The Prophet” has the words: “The Cherubim’s mountainous aspiration and the underwater passage of the sea reptile.” These two currents run parallel to us. But one should only try to “philosophize on high.” This is not achieved immediately, but gradually. “The progress of the sea creatures” will become quieter and quieter, and it will be possible to reach the point where there will be only one “mountain aspiration.” That monks have infirmities is not at all surprising. Monks are people. When a person comes to a monastery, he does not immediately become dispassionate. All his passions and infirmities remain with him. Only in the world he does not fight with them, but here, although he is defeated, he is always in the struggle. Remain here as a monk for the rest of your life. For a monk, all joy should consist in humility, humility and... simplicity. Elder Ambrose was asked: “What is monasticism?” “Bliss,” answered the Elder. Indeed, this is such bliss that it is impossible to imagine more on earth. But monasticism is not as easy as some people think, and not as difficult and bleak as others think. While still a layman, I once wrote a poem dedicated to Elder Ambrose: “Blessed is he who walks the narrow path...”, and, having printed it in Kazan, sent it to the Elder. Then, when I arrived in Optina, I came to the Elder and reminded him of the poem. The Elder asked me: “Do you have it with you?” – and pointed his finger at his chest. I mechanically felt the pocket in my uniform on my chest and said: “No.” - “Hm... No... How can that be?” I didn’t understand anything then. And when they told me that Father Ambrose does not say anything in vain, even in jest, I asked the Elder’s cell attendants, Father Hilarion and Father Jonah, about this, each separately. Both gave me the same explanation. “With you, it means in your heart. That is, are you fulfilling what you wrote about in the poem, does your spiritual dispensation correspond to what was written?” Then I realized what was going on. I realized that I really didn’t have the poem with me. And under Elder Ambrose, of course, it was. If those wishing to enter a monastery knew what sorrows awaited them, then no one would go to the monastery. The Lord hides these sorrows. And if people knew what bliss awaits monks, then the whole world would run to the monastery. The essence of our monastic life is the struggle with passions. The path of monastic life cannot be walked on your own. A monk should be like an Angel. What is a monk? A monk is the fulfiller of all the Commandments of God. A monk who endures everything complacently has a martyr's crown. Humility and love are the highest virtues. They should be the hallmark of a monk. Don’t think that you can immediately fly up to heaven... No... First you need to practice external monasticism, and then, having crossed it, move on. You must endure all sorts of sorrows, humiliation and bitterness, both within yourself, from the devil, and externally, from foolish brethren. First you have to go through the whole test. You need to experience the struggle with passions, acquire a humble opinion of yourself, and then... Sometimes you will even feel disgust and hatred for monastic life... All this must be endured. Modern monks strive to fulfill their will in everything. Abba Dorotheos says: “I don’t know any other fall for a monk than following his own will.” Monasticism has deviated from its path. However, the devil does not like the monasticism of our days if he rebels against him in this way. The whole world is supported by monasticism. When there is no monasticism, then the Last Judgment will come. Every Christian, and especially those clothed in the monastic rite, must have peace with God and people. If God wills, you will have some kind of leadership position in the monastery. Know in advance that this is a heavy cross. Elder Ambrose said: “A simple monk needs a cartload of patience, but an abbot needs a whole convoy.”... Do not become an abbot. Is it just for obedience? And if they only offer, then it’s better to refuse. Self-justification is not a monastic matter. Never make excuses. Whether you are right or wrong, remain silent when they accuse you, and then say: “Sorry, I’m guilty.” And because you say so, the Lord will subsequently reveal to you that you were really to blame. There is no need to insist on your own. Hypocrisy, duality, and deceit are generally sinful, but on the monastic path this is direct destruction. We must go straight and firmly, without turning anywhere, not to serve “both ours and yours.” Believe that what I tell you is for your benefit, what you do out of obedience. According to your faith, I say what is necessary for you. It is not important what kind of obedience to perform, but what is important is how to perform it. And all obedience must be fulfilled with humility, patience and prayer... Obedience is more important than fasting and prayer. Don't be embarrassed if you have to be late or miss a church service altogether. The path of obedience is the surest and fastest. To fulfill obedience, which surpasses the natural strength of man, the Lord gives strength if the novice takes up the task, precisely for obedience, accepting it as from the hand of the Lord, as a manifestation of the will of God. You can humbly point out the inconvenience of obedience when it really is so. But you cannot insist on your understanding. One should take upon oneself the obedience imposed upon oneself with trust in God’s help. The cornerstone of monastic life is humility. Humility and obedience help to acquire other virtues. But if there is pride, everything is lost. A person who has great virtues, but is proud, is like a ship loaded with jewels, but does not enter the pier, but perishes in the middle of the sea. Who will I look to? Only the meek and humble, who trembles at My words! (Isa. 66:2) - says the Lord... And monasticism is a great and boundless sea. It is impossible to exhaust it and swim across it. This is incomprehensible to a person who has not entered this path... This narrow, sorrowful path can only be passed with the help of God... My yoke is easy, and My burden is light (Matthew 11:30). At first glance, it seems that there is some kind of contradiction in these words. On the one hand, this path is easy and good, but on the other hand, it is cramped and regrettable. It is cramped and deplorable only for those who enter it either under compulsion, without internal disposition, or because of any other goals other than the salvation of the soul. For such people it is difficult. And for those who join the ranks of monks with a pure desire and intention to serve the Lord God in spirit and truth, for those it is easy. And Father Macarius, and Father Ambrose, and all our elders always said: “You have to humble yourself, you have to humble yourself!” Just as John the Theologian at the end of his life only said: “Children! Love each other! So our elders repeated: “Humble yourselves!” These two virtues, love and humility, seem to condition one another, as well as warmth and light. Do not be proud or conceited, either in yourself or in front of others. Consider yourself worse than everyone else and get used to the idea that you are sentenced to hellish torment and that you can get rid of them only by the grace of God. It's not easy. Only saints achieved this - they considered themselves worthy of hellish torment, considered themselves worse than everyone else. The more you live in a monastery, the more and more you become convinced that the Lord looks only at the meek and humble and only listens to such. Pride is a devilish trait. All this is good - repentance even for small sins, which many do not consider to be sins, but we must care most about the most important thing. Most of all, we must try to acquire humility. Humble yourself, humble yourself and humble yourself. There is humility - everything is there. There is no humility - there is nothing, even if a person could perform miracles. Humble yourself!.. Blessed are the pure in heart. The humble cannot help but be pure in heart. Yes, they will see God! Abba Dorotheos teaches us to listen to ourselves, to monitor our lives in order to see how successful we have been. This attention to yourself is necessary. Success is fundamentally about humility. A monk cannot be in one state. He either goes forward or backwards. He does not stand in one place for a single minute, he is always in motion. Prophet David said: Reverend Oskude. Why did he become poor? Because everyone’s vain verbs have fallen away from the truth (Ps. 11:2-3), because they don’t talk about things that are beneficial to the soul, but talk idlely, talk about trifles. The Prophet David also said: I humble myself, and the Lord saves me (Ps. 114:5). Humility alone is enough for salvation. And again it is said in another psalm: See my humility and my labor, and forgive all my sins (Ps 24:18). The prophet David said this because true humility never comes without work. The Holy Fathers call humility the robe of the Divine. Humility is the first condition of salvation. Only we can be saved by it. This path of humility, patience with humiliation, is difficult. Many took it upon themselves, decided to follow it, and could not stand it... Bishop Ignatius Brianchaninov also wanted to go this way, but could not stand it. After all, he lived in Optina Pustyn. We have a tradition that Elder Leo said about him: “If he had not gone a different way, he would have been the second Arsenius the Great.” Although he is considered the mentor of modern monasticism, for anyone who wants to understand the essence of monasticism at the present time will not be able to do this without his writings, he is still not Arsenius the Great. True, he is a saint, but still he is not Arseny... Humble yourself... Humble yourself... All the science, all the wisdom of monastic life lies in these words: I humbled myself, and the Lord saved me. Humble yourself and endure everything. Learn humility and patience, and have peace in your soul. Believe me, those who have peace in their souls will find heaven in hard labor. Macarius the Great says that every person, even a saint, has something proud. This is how deep this infection is in us! Only the Angels are not proud, they are pure, and even those who move from here to there, to heaven. “Self-reproach is an invisible ascent,” says John Climacus. Just as a person does not notice how he grows and from a little boy becomes an adult man, so a person’s spiritual growth goes unnoticed by him. This invisible spiritual growth of a person causes self-reproach. We must reproach ourselves for our weaknesses and humble ourselves, and not fall into despondency and relaxation. No matter what happens, you should never lose heart. In the fight against passions, even if we are overcome by them, but we reproach ourselves, repent, humble ourselves and continue to fight, we constantly move forward... We have only one thing left - humility. The time of harsh exploits has passed, apparently, irrevocably. Reproach yourself... How to reproach? Very simple. Your conscience will immediately speak and denounce you if you listen to yourself. All you have to do is agree with the voice of your conscience, or what you did wrong, or thought, humbly turn to God with a prayer for forgiveness... There were holy fathers whose whole life was self-reproach. Straight line, without any breaks. But we are far from this... When we reproach ourselves, we are filled with strength - spiritual, of course. Why this is so, we do not know. This is the law of spiritual life... What is self-reproach? This is humility. To consider oneself guilty, a sinner, means to humble oneself. What is humility? This is the robe of the Divine, according to the Climacus. We go and touch this robe when we reproach ourselves. Remember the gospel's bleeding wife? She humbly walked through the crowd to touch the hem of Christ's robe and, having touched, was healed... This was all really as it was written in the Gospel, it really was. But there is another, spiritual meaning of this event... I have not seen an analysis of self-reproach in any holy father, as far as I remember. Pride is followed, as if on its heels, by fornication. It is good when we reproach ourselves and humble ourselves. Many people climb to heaven, impose feats on themselves, but do not want to humble themselves. They don't want to reconcile. This is an ulcer, the ulcer of modern monasticism. Humble yourself!.. Not accepting vanity thoughts means not paying attention to them. The monk is constantly fighting in his thoughts. Vanity, intensifying, turns into pride. Vanity causes the voiceless to sing, the lazy to become zealous, the sleepy to become cheerful, and so on. The Monk Cassian the Roman, noticing this, is surprised at the cunning, cunning and malice of this demon. And how all the saints avoided vanity, how carefully they treated it! Elder Ambrose always had a stick near him, and when someone began to speak that could arouse vanity, he took the stick and began to wave it. Someone once asked him: “Why are you, Father, waving your wand?” - “Yes, I think that soon she will walk along your back.” - “Yes, yes. Let’s better leave this conversation...” - “Well, it’s better this way...” During his lifetime, Elder Ambrose often appeared in a sensual form, not in a dream, in a dream this is understandable, - he gave advice, saved them from dangers. When he was asked about this, how he, without leaving his cell, appears to some in reality, he replied: “It’s not me, it’s my Angel...” Glory is not useful even to saints who are not glorified, such as Elder Ambrose, for man is inclined to evil, for the heart of a man, even of a holy life, can be slightly inclined towards glory. Elder Anatoly even fell ill when he heard about Father John of Kronstadt’s vision that two Angels served together with Father Anatoly during the Liturgy. He fasted and prayed that the Lord would erase the very thought of this from his mind. Why? I was afraid of conceit. I was afraid of the thought: “This is who I am!” Of course, then everything would be lost. Vanity thoughts and dreams that you will be an old man and abbot must be driven away. You shouldn’t wish for this... But, of course, all this can happen. The Lord will put you in this place... And maybe he will hide you there, somewhere, in a cell... But, forgive me for the Lord’s sake, I consider the latter higher. Let the Volga flow more often, it will wash and wash everything away. And the Volga is humility. It cleanses all sinful dirt, all filth... The first and main condition for correction is the awareness of one’s shortcomings and weaknesses. 6. About condemnation and suspicion If you live badly, then no one touches you, but when you start to live well, immediately there are sorrows and temptations. Monks, in general all our brethren, are people too. And if people, then each of them suffers from some kind of passion. They all came here, to the monastery, as if to a hospital, to be treated and are being cured, with the help of God. I say this because if you see shortcomings in the brethren, you should try not to judge them. This is our motto. All people are weak, everyone has passions. We must forgive... Irritability and condemnation are passions that you have to fight with all your life... When I entered here, under Father Anatoly, I told him that I would like to live in more solitude. “In prison?” “Yes,” I say. “So, won’t you go to the bathhouse?” - "Certainly". - “Yes, that’s what I’m saying, that you won’t go to the bathhouse...” - “Do you, Father, mean something else by bathhouse?” - “Yes... The desert, the seclusion do not cleanse us. I can live in the desert with my passions and apparently not sin. There you cannot recognize your weaknesses, your vices... But here they “clean” us. When they start pushing you, just hold on! Here, without your request, they will begin to “clean” you... So we will recognize our weaknesses: irritability, annoyance, condemnation, anger, desire for revenge, and so on - and we will humble ourselves.” You should never judge someone, especially based on their appearance and behavior. This passion is amazing, and it is difficult to fight it. Beware of suspicion. The devil, having prevailed over a person who trusts his suggestions of suspicion, can show him something that never happened. When the devil points out other people’s shortcomings and weaknesses and encourages you to condemn, you say to yourself: “I am worse than everyone else. I am worthy of eternal torment. Lord, have mercy on me." Even if you say it without feeling, you still need to say it like that. Nicholas once told the Elder that thoughts came that condemned the Elder for words and stories that apparently had absolutely nothing to do with monasticism. The elder replied: – When thoughts come that condemn the elder or murmur against him, you respond to this thought that “this is none of my business, the elder is responsible for this, not me.” Elder Father Leo, in response to the same question, said: “Child, we often do not understand what ordinary people say, for what purpose and intention. Moreover, we cannot understand what the elders say. In addition, from the lives of the saints we see that the holy fathers also made jokes. For example, St. Pachomius, St. Anthony the Great and others. Of course, they did not take the content of these jokes from the Holy Scriptures and the works of the Holy Fathers, but simply told something.” So am I. I’m telling you something, and at this time, perhaps, the demon wanted to make you sad, and my story drove him away. Open up all your thoughts, especially those that have been bothering you for a long time. Doubts, as well as prodigal and blasphemous thoughts, must be despised and ignored. Despise them, and the enemy the devil will not stand it and will leave you. He will not endure contempt, for he is proud. And if you enter into a conversation with these thoughts, because all such thoughts are not yours, but inspired by the enemy, then he will attack you, overwhelm you and kill you. A believer who loves God cannot blaspheme, but at the same time he notices two threads in himself: he loves and he blasphemes. From this it is obvious that there is some kind of evil force that inspires doubts, lustful and blasphemous thoughts. Therefore, despise these thoughts; then they will not harm you, especially if you reveal them to the elder. But when opening them, you cannot go into details, otherwise you may harm both yourself and the elder. In particular, lustful thoughts cannot be revealed in detail. We need to quickly fall asleep, close this stinking hole, and not dig into it. Prodigal thoughts will not be a sin for you if you did not enjoy them. Only saints can drive away thoughts and resist them, but we need to flee from them. If you do not have the strength to fight your thoughts, then call on the Lord Jesus, and His name will drive them away... Unconfessed sin has a destructive effect on a person and leads the soul to death. The wrong path is if we try to comprehend everything with one mind, trying to immediately understand various doubts and perplexed questions. The enemy will then completely confuse, kill... The longer a monk lives in a monastery, the more he learns, the more he learns. This happens gradually. Only the Lord can enlighten a person’s mind to the knowledge of the truth... Mind is one thing, reasoning is another. Spiritual reasoning is a gift of God. And a person’s mind is a gift from God, but reasoning is the highest gift and is not given immediately. A person can be very smart, but at the same time he will not have the gift of reasoning... There are carnal people who live only for the womb, for fornication. There are spiritual people, they are higher than carnal ones. And there are spiritual people. The difference between soulful and spiritual people is enormous. A spiritual person does not accept what is from the Spirit of God; he considers it foolishness. (1 Cor. 1:14) He may know all human wisdom, but he will not have spiritual discernment. The word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God and the wisdom of God. (1 Cor. 1:18) For them this is foolishness, but for us who are being saved it is the power of God... Yes. And, notice, it is said: to those who are being saved, and not to those who are saved, and to those who are perishing, and not to those who are lost. Others will not immediately notice this difference. We are all being saved, but we don’t know whether we will be saved? Perishing, but not perished, for they can turn, although they stand on an inclined plane, sliding down. When you read books, do not go into subtleties, do not go into analysis, but pray to God to enlighten your mind. Elder Anatoly told me so, and to my question: “Why is this so?” – answered: “You will get confused...” In the books of the Holy Scriptures and the Patristic books there are passages that lead to doubt and bewilderment, for example: “ordeals”, “throne in heaven”, “ranks of angels” and others. All this must be understood spiritually. This is only a hint of reality itself, unknown to us and inaccessible to human language. Some are tempted, not realizing that all such words must be understood not in a literal sense, but in a higher, spiritual sense. Check yourself every day in the evening and repent of your sins. Examining your life leads to the knowledge of your sins. Knowledge of one's sins leads to knowledge of one's weakness and repentance, and repentance leads to constant thoughts about God and death. I notice in you the beginnings of an attentive life... He who talks idle talk cannot live attentively, constantly being distracted. From silence comes silence, and from silence comes prayer. How can one who is absentminded pray? Pay attention to yourself. A mindful life promotes prayer and brings us closer to God. It is said: Pay attention to yourself. (Luke 21:34) Silence is a feat. Whoever decides to undertake this feat must prepare for sorrows. And silence itself does not come quickly or easily. It is so high and necessary for the salvation of the soul because “silence is the secret of the future age.” He who is silent is preparing for the future life. Elder Macarius often said this. Fear of the world, of worldly life, is a saving fear. You have left this terrible monster - the world and, God willing, you will completely move away from it... You only need to be afraid of sin. The Holy Scriptures say that God does not love the fearful 15. A monk should not be fearful or cowardly. He must place his hope in God. Why doesn't God love the fearful? Because they are close to despondency, to despair. And despair is a mortal sin. A true monk must be alien to such a dispensation. We should not be angry with people who cause us grief, for they are our best benefactors, who showed us our weaknesses, which we may not have imagined in ourselves. We must deal with such people meekly and pray for them. Gentle treatment works wonders. Take care of the consciousness of your sinfulness. This is the most precious thing before God. What saved the publican? Only this awareness of my sinfulness... God, be merciful to me, a sinner! (Luke 18:13) This prayer has been around for almost two millennia. But look, the publican recognizes himself as a sinner, and at the same time hopes for the mercy of God. Without hope you cannot be saved. The Lord said: I came not to save the righteous, but sinners 16. Who do we mean by the righteous here? This, of course, also applies to sinful people who are not aware of their sinfulness, but, in addition, this is also said about demons. We cannot even imagine the pride in which they stand before God. We cannot understand what kind of hatred they have for God... God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble 17. Why is it not said that God opposes fornicators or any other sinners, namely the proud? Because this is a demonic property. The proud becomes, as it were, akin to a demon... One person says: “I read, read the Psalter, but I don’t understand anything. So I figure it’s much better for me to put this book on the shelf.” And the elder tells him: “No, don’t.” - “Why? I don’t understand anything!” - “You don’t understand, but the demons understand what is being said about them, they can’t stand it and run away.” It is only good to live in a monastery when you live carefully. So I tell you: start with humility. There are mortal sins and there are non-mortal sins. A mortal sin is a sin for which a person does not repent. It is called mortal because the soul dies from it and, after bodily death, goes to hell. The soul can come to life only through repentance. Mortal sin kills the soul, making it incapable of spiritual bliss. If you put a blind person in a place with a wonderful view and ask him: “Isn’t it so beautiful?” - the blind man would answer, of course, that he does not see anything, that he is blind. The same can be said about the inability of a soul killed by sin to see eternal bliss. There is music - art. And there is music of the soul. This is peace of mind. The same peace that is spoken of in the Gospel: Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls, for My yoke is easy and My burden is light. This very peace... Have you studied mathematics? Do you know what an equal sign is? So: peace of soul = bliss = music, harmony of all spiritual forces. Everything in the Gospel, except for the first, clearer meaning, has another meaning - hidden, mysterious. Maybe you will later become a confessor. So, I tell you, beware of the female sex. You have to be extremely careful with them. You don’t know how complex a woman’s soul is! And it’s good that you didn’t get married... So, I’m warning you, be careful with them... They’ll gossip like that... They’ll gossip like that... And there’s no point. With them, that is, with novices and nuns, you need to be very careful. They complain to me about Father Joseph, and to Father Joseph about me. One day Father Joseph’s cell attendant told me: “You, Father, please don’t believe them. Everyone lies." In the same way, in their monastery they wander around their cells and engage in gossip. And this is constant. But at the same time, I must make a reservation that such vacillation continues until she, the nun, takes the monastic path. All this ends as soon as she receives the monastic dispensation. Some receive such a dispensation in a year, in two, others in five or ten years, and others in twenty years. Anyone who has the makings of a monastic dispensation quickly embarks on this path. And others will never get on the rails. He will run up to them, look and run across... But there are nuns of a very high spiritual order. A woman cannot live without faith. She, after temporary unbelief, returns to God again. Otherwise, it begins to decompose quickly. Another thing is a man. He can live without faith. He will completely petrify, become a pillar of salt. This is how he lives, petrified. The Gospel and, in general, all of Holy Scripture are surrounded by secrets. There is depth there. There is inexhaustible meaning there. It is impossible to understand everything. Just as one scale is removed from an onion, then another, then a third, and so on, so it is when reading the Holy Scriptures. A person has understood one meaning, followed by another, deeper one... This meaning, hidden, mysterious, is revealed as the person’s mind is purified. For one person it opens, let’s say, one hundredth of a centimeter, for another – a thousand miles. For one - a lot, for another - not enough. But even a small share is enough for life. This is how the Lord enlightens the minds of His ascetics. Science not only does not hinder, but even promotes spiritual growth. Prophet David says: The Lord is my strength and my song. I will sing and sing to the Lord, I will sing to my God until I am 18. This singing is unspeakable. To get it, they go to the monastery and receive it. But one receives it in five years, and the other in forty. God willing, you will receive this gift. At least you are on the way to it. The word “islands” appears in the Holy Scriptures. And the islands will trust in God. (Isa.51:5) How can the islands have hope? By “islands” we mean monasteries. What the whole text means is that by the coming of the Antichrist, faith will only be preserved in the monastery. There are three parts to a person: body, soul and spirit. This is also evident from the words of the Mother of God spoken by Her in greeting the righteous Elizabeth: My soul magnifies the Lord, and My spirit rejoices in God My Savior. Elder Macarius once told Father Anatoly, later also an elder, that one must definitely go to church before the service begins. "Why?" - “I’ll tell you later.” And a few years later he said: “Because at this time the Mother of God enters the church.” There is always a certain concatenation of circumstances in everything, but the purpose of this coupling is unknown to us... Notice the events of your life. Everything has a deep meaning. Now they are incomprehensible to you, but later a lot will be revealed... Our whole life is miraculously arranged according to some mysterious plan, which we do not notice and do not understand. I even think that we live so carelessly and sin because we do not understand the inner meaning of the events of our lives... Don’t think that you got here by accident. No... Your admission to the Skete is deeply providential... There is nothing accidental in our lives. Even what seems trivial to us has its own meaning... We cannot penetrate into the inner meaning of events by our own strength. This is a gift from Above. If you follow this path, that is, delve into the meaning of events while practicing the Jesus Prayer, then you will see more than this, as the Lord said to Nathanael. (John 1:50) When a person begins to see what he had not noticed before, what others do not notice, then this is the beginning of the purification of the mind. Unspeakable torment awaits sinners in hell. In the same way, unspeakable bliss awaits the righteous. The words of the Apostle: ear cannot hear, and eye cannot see (1 Cor. 2:9) can equally be attributed to both bliss and torment... We think too abstractly about the torments of hell, and therefore we forget about them. The world doesn't recognize them at all. The devil inspires everyone that neither the devil nor the torments of hell exist. And the holy fathers teach that the betrothal of Gehenna, just like the beatitudes, begins on earth. Sinners are still beginning to experience hellish torment, and the righteous - bliss. The only difference is that in the future life both will be incomparably stronger... Hellish torments undoubtedly exist, and these torments will be material. The souls of the righteous and sinners even have clothes. Only it will not be this gross body, but a more subtle, gaseous one... But all this will happen before the Last Judgment. And after him, no one knows what will happen, not even the Angels. This is a mystery... Everything that the Holy Church teaches is the truth. And afterlife torments exist... The Last Judgment, according to the agreed teaching of the holy fathers, will be at midnight. Suddenly, everyone living on earth will find that moment Entry into heaven, into eternal bliss can be obtained not through our labors and good deeds, but through the merits and atoning sacrifice of the Savior Christ our God. Our good deeds, that is, fulfilling the Gospel commandments, are needed only as proof of our love for the Lord. Without love for the Lord, bliss is impossible and heaven is inaccessible. For a long time I did not understand the words of the psalm: The voice of the Lord, cutting off the flame of fire... (Ps. 28:7) I thought this: on earth the flame of fire has both heat and light. But between heaven and hell, the fire is divided like this: light is in heaven and cheers the righteous, and heat without light burns sinners in hell, for it is written that the abyss of hellish fire is in darkness and sinners do not see each other... Lord, save and have mercy!.. Punish whatever you want, Lord, here, just have mercy there!.. Of course, I don’t tell anyone or show it to anyone that the horror of hellish torment is always in my mind. I use it for my humility... And how this feeling of horror humbles!.. Modern scientists reject the existence of hellish torments... Let us stand up and pray, may the Lord deliver us from hellish torments. Let us always thank the Lord that we are here. Let our whole life be thanksgiving for the fact that the Lord brought us here. True, the place itself does not save us, but at least we will think that we are in a boat. The newest inventions, intended to be beneficial, ultimately turn out to be more harmful than useful... We will live to see terrible times, but the grace of God will cover us. Now Christianity is hated everywhere. It is a yoke for them, preventing them from living freely and freely committing sins. The newest generation is decaying, smoldering, degenerating. They want to live without God. Well then! The fruits of such a life are obvious... The whole world is under the influence of some force that takes possession of the mind, will and all spiritual forces of a person. This is an extraneous force, an evil force. Its source is the devil, and evil people are only the instrument through which he acts. This is the Antichrist coming into the world. These are his forerunners. About this the Apostle says: “A spirit of delusion, a spirit of flattery, followed them... For lack of love the truth was not received...” (2 Thess. 2:10-11) Something dark, terrible is coming into the world... A person will remain, as it were, defenseless... He is so possessed by this evil force that he does not realize what he is doing. In the Church we now have no living sources - prophecies, but we do have signs. They are given to us for the knowledge of times. They are clearly visible to people who have a spiritual mind... The Antichrist is clearly coming into the world, but this is not recognized in the world... From here, from the monastery, the network of the devil is more visible. Here our eyes open, but there, in the world, we understand nothing... Let us thank the Creator that we have departed from the world. It is noteworthy that non-believers, materialists, do not go further than visible matter, rejecting the existence of Angels, demons, even God Himself. But when they talk about eternal torment, they do not want to admit anything material, sensual here. Many great people noticed this contradiction in them. You know, in the places where churches, monasteries and generally shrines now stand, there used to be idol churches and idols. I often read in the lives of saints: “Where there was a church, a church was created...” This means that this was what pleased God to shame the pride of the devil... And in recent times, churches will be destroyed, and in their places idol churches and so on will be built. The monasteries will be in great persecution and oppression. True Christians will huddle in small churches... Lord, do not let us live to see this time! And you will live... You will be in the monastery, which will generally be in persecution, and therefore in deprivation... I will already be lying in the damp ground... And my little girl will come to my grave and say to me: “Dear daddy, Father Barsanuphius! Help me, pray for me! It’s very hard for me...” So, my baby, so... The Apocalypse says: Blessed is he who reads the words of this book... (Rev. 1:3) If this is written, then it really is so, for the words of Holy Scripture are the words of the Holy Spirit. But what is this bliss? Moreover, we do not understand anything in what is written, they may object to this. There may be inner consolation from reading Divine words. You can also think this way: what is incomprehensible to us now will be clear when the time described there comes. So judge: who reads the Apocalypse now? Almost exclusively - in monasteries and in Theological Academies and seminaries, as necessary. And few people in the world read. From this it is clear that the one who reads the Apocalypse before the end of the world will be truly blessed, for he will understand what is happening. And understanding, he will prepare himself. While reading, he will see in the events described in the Apocalypse certain contemporary events. The elder took the Bible, opened the third book of Ezra and, pointing to the place marked with a blue pencil, said: read. “For the age has lost its youth, and the times are approaching old age, for the age is divided into twelve parts, and nine parts of it and half a tenth have already passed away, and what remains after half a tenth” (3Ezra 14:10-12). Overall, this is a mysterious book. Many have made calculations, and for all of them the end falls on our time, that is, the twentieth century. And indeed, there are many signs. We will leave, and you will be a participant and contemporary of all these horrors. You will live to see terrible times... Whatever you touch from the decrees of the Church, there is depth everywhere. For example, why is the 7th tone assigned to Trinity Week? Because the number 7 is a sacred number and has great significance. On the 7th day the Lord rested from the creation of the world, 7 sacraments, 7 gifts of the Holy Spirit. And much more. Then. After Trinity Week comes the Sunday of “All Saints”, and it is assigned the 8th tone. Why? Because 8 is a number that denotes infinity, in other words, the future century. And the saints, having departed from this world, await the next century, the restoration of life. Having achieved holiness on earth, they can no longer change God, cannot waver in their love for Him, they are forever improving in love. In the life of every person, two years have fatal significance, the 20th and the 40th. The year 1920 found you in the monastery. Where will the 40th find you? It would be nice - in the Kingdom of Heaven! Bishop Ignatius Brianchaninov explains the fatal significance of these years by the fact that the number 40 is the number of years of Jewish wandering in the desert, and 20 is half of this wandering. The number 6, represented in Slavic by the letter ϛ - snake, always has a mysterious and fatal meaning. Remember what happened to you when you were in your sixth year?.. Many of the holy fathers interpret that the abomination of desolation, spoken of by the prophet Daniel, standing in the holy place (Matthew 24:15), will be a Jewish church built on the tomb of the Savior. In this church, which will be built at the coming of the Antichrist, the Antichrist himself will sit on the throne. Then the prophecy of the prophet Daniel will be fulfilled... So I look at you, green youth, and I think that I will not live to see the terrible days, but you will live... Mark my word that you will see the day of cruelty. And I say again that there is nothing to be afraid of, the grace of God will cover you. Therefore, practice fulfilling the commandments of God. The persecution and torment of the first Christians may be repeated. Now all this is possible... Hell is destroyed, but not destroyed, and the time will come when it will make itself felt. All monasteries will be destroyed, and Christians in power will be overthrown... This time is not far off. Mark this word of mine. You will live to see these times. Then you will say: “Yes, I remember, Father Barsanuphius told me all this... How many years have passed!..” The time will come when things will be hard for Optina. Perhaps this is for the better... The 43rd teaching of St. Theodore the Studite on the Sunday of Orthodoxy, although written one and a half thousand years ago, can be fully attributed to our time. And, if the Lord wills, another thousand years will pass and it will be read, and it will not lose its power. “Perhaps you will live to see the times when Christians will be tortured again.” - “Yes, they still torture me, but not so roughly.” – No, I’m not talking about such torment. I'm talking about torment like the ancient ones. The faces of people of holy, pious life bear the imprint of this holiness. These faces have the peculiarity that when you look at them they seem to amaze, make a strong impression and even after a long time are not forgotten. I have seen such people. One day, looking at one bishop, I thought if I was seeing a vision, for there was something unearthly. Religiosity is inherited. From Cain comes wicked descendants, and from Abel come descendants who believe in God. Just as heredity is transmitted through the flesh, so too is heredity in the soul and spirit. There was a rich man - he suddenly became a beggar. He was healthy - he became sick. Both are difficult, but can be fixed, for Christ is with both the poor and the sick. And losing faith is a great misfortune. It is so terrible that a person has no support. “Blessed souls” come to me for confession. I call them blessed because they have a great consciousness of their weakness, their sinfulness. And with this consciousness - firm faith in God. Bishop Ignatius Brianchaninov compiled the book “Fatherland” like this. He copied from the patristic works and lives of saints that which most answered the troubling questions of monastic life. From this point of view, his work is irreplaceable. Many perplexities that have worried someone for a long time are immediately resolved. They just told me terrible things about one monk... What will happen when Optina Pustyn is filled with such people? Of course, I won’t live long enough, but you will have to fight... You will have to shed a lot of blood and tears... Yes... You will have to shed a lot of sweat, blood and tears... Of course, the Lord will not allow it, Optina will stand... One day a worldly man comes to me and asks: “How to walk the path of God? Teach me." I thought about it. What should I tell him? And then I say: “Have you read the Psalter?” - "Read". – “It says: The Lord will teach the meek His way (Ps. 24:9). This means, first of all, you need to know that the Lord Himself teaches the ways of the Lord, but he does not teach everyone, but only those who are meek, who humble themselves. So you too, humble yourself, be meek, and the Lord will not leave you and He Himself will teach you how to walk this path.” Please note that in 1921 it will be 100 years since the founding of the Skete... The fifth volume of Bishop Ignatius contains the teachings of the holy fathers in relation to modern monasticism and teaches how the patristic writings should be read. Bishop Ignatius looked very deeply in this regard, perhaps more deeply than Bishop Theophan the Recluse. His word has a powerful effect on the soul, because it comes from experience... He was a great mind!.. Do you know what happened when Bishop Ignatius was buried? The angels carried his soul and sang: “Hierarch of God, Holy Hierarch Father Ignatius!” That was the angel's song! In spiritual life there are various paths to salvation, but the simplest and shortest path is the path of elder care. And this path leads not only to salvation, but also to perfection. That is why the devil hates eldership so much. Elder Ambrose did not have particularly close disciples, except for Father Anatoly, who, so to speak, was truly his secret confidant. Elder Ambrose had no enemies. He loved everyone, even those who did not love him. He loved these people even more than the rest. And there were such people. And now there are monks in the monastery who cannot hear about Elder Ambrose. Truly, a prophet is without honor except in his own country. (Matthew 13:57) and (Mark 6:4) St. Seraphim of Sarov was revered by all of Russia, but in the monastery they hated him... Yes... A prophet is without honor, only in his own country. Elder Father Leo, due to the slander of ill-wishers, was persecuted. And even Kaluga Bishop Nikolai, seeing him surrounded by a crowd of people, reproachfully said to him: “What are you doing?” “I sing to my God until I am.” The Right Reverend understood the full depth of this answer... Yes, Elder Leo sang to God with the whole structure of his life. Elder Ambrose said that the Antichrist is just around the corner... He also said that embarrassment is not mentioned anywhere among the virtues and it comes from the fact that the reason from which embarrassment is born is false. In the relationship of a student to an elder, the main thing is the faith of the student. If they ask an elder with faith, then the Lord, according to the faith of the questioner, reveals His will to the disciple. The enemy hates it when one treats another with sincere feeling and love for Christ. He always tries to sow enmity and disunity as a hater of good. So I tell you that the enemy will not leave this relationship of ours, sincere and simple, like father to son. After all, he often separated the saints. But I say that if frankness, simplicity and sincerity are maintained between us, then he will not be able to do anything, because our frankness towards each other will destroy all his malice. Yes... Now it becomes clear to me how the elder and his disciple lived before. Unanimously. As the elder spoke to the disciple, so I will, but I’ll just talk to you. 8. About sorrows and temptations Every person needs to endure times of temptation and struggle. A severe, painful condition... These torments are spoken of in the psalm: Having overcome me with illness, as if it were giving birth... (Ps. 47:7) Every person, being born spiritually into a new life, experiences illness before he has yet reached the latitude. Anyone who has not experienced these diseases while giving birth in the world will have to experience them in a monastery. And you will have to do this... These diseases consist of the fight against passions. Passions will rebel against you. The enemy will not leave you. Patience is needed here. You need to endure yourself and not lay down your arms, knowing that this is inevitable. The incessant sorrows sent by God to man are a sign of God’s special providence for him. The purpose of sorrows is different. They are sent either to suppress evil, or for admonition, or for greater glory in the future life, or as punishment for previously committed sins. Everyone carries their cross. And you carry your cross. Although only with one finger, you still carry it. Carrying the cross is necessary for salvation for every Christian, not just monks. Yes... Everyone carried the cross and continues to carry it. Even God who became man carried a cross, and His cross was the heaviest, because it contained all the crosses. And man helps (Simon of Cyrene) by taking the cross from Him and carrying it himself. And we, carrying our crosses, help the Lord in bearing the cross, preparing to be His servants in heaven in the face of disembodied spirits. What a high appointment! Strong sorrows are always a sign of God's special grace. You just have to endure it. Do not trust in princes, in the sons of men, for in them there is no salvation (Ps. 145:3). I loved reading the Holy Scriptures and the works of the holy fathers. Especially the Psalter. And what depths were sometimes revealed to me!.. Always trust only in God, but never in man. Then all evil will fall away from you like a cut off branch. The more attentive, the stricter you live towards yourself, the stronger the enemy rises. Especially for the holidays, he tries to treat him with something. We must expect everything, be prepared for everything... But the Lord is merciful. Yes, they give gifts for the holidays... And you will get something. Only you will notice this in about forty years, maybe. Then you will know what gift the Lord sent you on this holiday. When you are in a good, complacent mood, expect a storm. This almost always happens... Every good deed is either preceded or followed by temptation. When there is an influx of sorrows, you need to tell yourself: “I’m probably worthy of all these sorrows. This means that all of them are needed to cleanse me of passions, and most of all, pride...” Not only is it possible to endure an insult, one must also take care not to become embittered towards the offender. There will always be sorrows. But the inner state of a person will be different... Although there will be sorrows, he who has achieved inner prayer will easily endure them, for Christ will be with him. He will fill the heart of the ascetic with inexpressible joy, and no sorrow can overcome this joy in the Lord. When you are bothered by thoughts of fear about upcoming sorrows, you do not need to enter into a conversation with them, but simply say: “God’s will be done!” It's very calming. I speak my wretched word at Matins so as not to bear an answer at the Last Judgment for my silence. Before, I didn’t understand what was going on in the world, but now, when I have to face it (during confession), it amazes me with its complexity and bleakness. True, there are joys, but they are fleeting. And what joys are these? Of the lowest standard. And we have bliss! It even looks a little like heaven. There are, of course, sorrows, but this is temporary. It is good who cares about the inner, contemplative life, for it gives him everything! I have already told you, Brother Nikolai, more than once and I will say it again: the thought comes to me to give up everything, to go to some secluded cell. Life is becoming scary, brother Nikolai, scary!.. Only I’m afraid to leave myself, and there’s no one to consult with. I begin to understand the words of the prophet David: “Save me, Lord!” If we take only this part of the phrase, then it goes without saying that no one wants to perish; everyone will always say: “Save me, Lord!” But he adds further: “as the monk is impoverished.” There is no one to turn to, Lord, save me! Only now does it become clear to me why the holy fathers fled into the desert. Exactly - they fled... I would like to run away into the desert. But you can’t run alone, but you can run alone with God. Here Bishop Theophan, the Vyshensky Recluse, repeatedly tried to give up everything and go into seclusion, but it was not the will of God. As if in response to his intention, he was moved to the episcopal see in Vladimir. And only a few years later he retired to his beloved Vysha. Yes... When will you and I, brother Nikolai, be “Above”? Whether it’s early or late, it’s necessary!.. Yes... Yes, my friend... And yet the thought of “sweet solitude” does not leave me. But at the moment this is extremely difficult for me... I'm afraid... “Why did you leave the watch?” - the Lord will say. We must endure... Perhaps those souls whom the Lord has determined to be saved through me will not be saved if I leave my post... The Lord can make a sinful person His instrument for salvation. It’s all His holy will!.. I’m afraid to leave on my own... Maybe, God willing, I’ll live in peace. Brother Nikolai will come to me and say: “What bliss is monastic life! Only a lot of sorrows...” But what about? Without sorrows one cannot be saved. I did not desire or seek my position of authority. I stand in this position for obedience. And I think, perhaps, it would be better for me if I lived in that cell of mine and said the Jesus Prayer. But if I had not been the head of the Skete, you would not have been accepted here. I have noticed in my life that puzzling questions and incomprehensible circumstances were clarified by themselves - sometimes soon, and sometimes after several years. In such cases, I did not particularly dwell on explaining them, believing that later everything would be clear. And the Lord really did send a solution to the confusion in his time. Now I am beginning to understand what the devilish outrages and insults are, which are sometimes spoken of in the lives of the saints. What a terrible dream I had that night when you and I spent the night at the dacha. Yes, now I know how hated our Skeet is to the enemy. You don't know how to play any musical instrument? Yes... So, that means you have to play in your soul, in the words of the prophet David: “I will sing to my God, even as I am.” So I look at you and think: before me is a young monk, in good spirits, living in peace with everyone... He lives in the Skete of Optina Pustyn... Under the cover of God's grace... You are naturally peaceful. Develop it in a spiritual direction. You can make a good monk. Always be a “baby”. But only out of malice, not out of intelligence. Be a perfect husband in your mind. Stand firm, do not turn aside, you are on the straight path. You, leaving the world with its bustle, did not bury your talent in the ground. I am telling you this to strengthen you. Those who refuse where they are placed according to the will of God are like those who bury talent. The Monk Seraphim of Sarov refused to become the abbot. And what did he suffer because of this! What great sorrows and temptations! I almost fell into despair... So I had to undertake a great feat - standing on a rock for three years in order to overcome these temptations. This is what it means to refuse. Father Archimandrite says to me: “Will you endure what could happen to you if you refuse?” Here I stand. “Sometimes thoughts come that monastic life is bleak. They go monotonously day after day. There is nothing to expect ahead...” This is one of the most poisonous thoughts. A monk must always be in the throes of birth until he reaches the measure of perfect age. And while our old man is alive, he makes himself known through all sorts of passions, melancholy, despondency... And what is now burdensome for such a person will later be a great consolation for him. Then everything in him will be filled with light and joy in the Lord. Then the words of the psalm will be applicable: “We rejoiced at those who said to me: Let us go to the house of the Lord.” (Ps.121:1) When this thought bothers you, say to yourself: “It is not clear what will happen. ( 1 John 3:2 ) The Lord will help me walk this path. I don’t think I will reach the highest degrees of perfection, but I hope to be saved here.” The Lord would allow me to live a little longer, at least until I reach your mantle, so that you will be strengthened in spirit... There is a material mantle and there is a spiritual mantle. We must strengthen ourselves in spirit... Strengthening ourselves in spirit consists of self-sacrifice. In selflessness for the sake of the Lord Jesus Christ. In the rejection of everything, whatever it is. In imputation of everything, as they are able, for the sake of the Lord. (Phil.3:8) This is a very complex technique for spiritual life... To succeed in spiritual life, in particular in the Jesus Prayer, it is necessary to endure various kinds of sorrows, insults, humiliation and, especially, false accusations... I would like to strengthen you in view of the sorrows and temptations that await you ahead from demons, from people and from the temptations of the world, which you will have to endure until you enter the expanse of Christian love and liberation from passions. We must imitate the activities of the saint whose name you bear... Saint Nicholas was distinguished by his great zeal for the Orthodox faith and love for the Lord God and people. Confession is one thing, but revelation of thoughts is another. The Holy Fathers say: when there is no one to turn to, then choose a brother of one mind and reveal your thoughts to him. Thoughts can be revealed even to a person who does not have holy orders. The mind is a self-propelled force, but it depends on us what direction to give it. Just as a millstone turns and it depends on the person what to add: rye, wheat or some poisonous seeds. So is the mind, it will process everything, but you need to give it only good things. Elder Barsanuphius, before entering the Skete, sometimes wrote poems on spiritual and moral topics. One day, when he was sorting out and looking through his poems that had just been received from the press, Nikolai asked for several poems for himself. They were published by Optina Pustyn and printed in separate sheets. The elder, with the words: “Here is for you,” gave him four sheets of paper with different poems and twenty-eight sheets of paper with a poem about the Jesus Prayer. - Father, why so much? - said Nikolai. To this the Elder, after a pause, replied: - I want you to follow this path... Nikolai had read this poem more than once before, and he liked it more than the others. It immediately caught his attention with its deep content and sincerity. It was clear that the Elder wrote it not for the beauty of style and rhyme, but everything written was an expression of experienced sensations, high and holy. Here is the poem: An anxious soul has nowhere to rest. Sickness and labor, great suffering, A whirlwind of confusion, contempt, blame The ascetic is met; he sees How sorrows arise from all sides, And he stands full of doubts Anxious, heavy thoughts, bewilderments, Overwhelmed by languor and melancholy. He knows neither joy nor peace, And he doesn’t expect help from anywhere, As soon as from the Savior Christ. And his evil enemies shout to him from everywhere: “Whoa! Let him come down from the cross!” My friend in the Lord! Go for it! Do not stop the great, difficult battle, And don’t leave the battlefield at all - Don't give up divine prayer! Continue in the feat until death, until the end: Victory awaits you, spiritual fighter. Let not the bones of your soul be crushed, Let her strongholds and pillars not shake, When the malicious guests approach her - There are countless crowds of demonic thoughts. Smite them in the almighty name of the Lord; Persecuted by Him, the enemy will be scattered! Covered with wisdom filled with humility, This robe of the imperishable Divinity, To the invisible enemies of spiritual salvation Don't bring victory to celebration! Endure insults and persecution without complaint. Don't leave the sad path - Spiritual benefits of the sacred pledge; Live for eternity, for God, The one true and eternal beauty, - Dedicate your entire life to Him. Throwing away false hopes and dreams, Take courage in the harsh feat, And you will see life in a new light. And the hour will strike, the time will come, Your spiritual warfare will cease, An involuntary, painful tribute to passions; And with joy you will lift the burden Misfortunes, troubles, persecutions and sorrows. In your soul free from passions Heavy doubts and anxiety will disappear, And the spiritual light will shine in her, - Heir to the heavenly palace, A wonderful world will be established - paradise, And her unity will be accomplished with the Lord. Your sadness will disappear without a trace, And you will see, full of amazement, Another country's shining distance, Lands of the living, lands of promise - The future reward for the feat, Regarding this poem, the Elder said to Nicholas: – There is nothing composed in my poem “Jesus Prayer”. Everything I wrote poured out of my heart... The state of my soul - the transition from oral to internal, heartfelt prayer - cannot be conveyed in words as it really is. It can only be understood by those who have experienced it themselves... The path of the Jesus Prayer is the shortest path to spiritual perfection. Anyone who follows this path encounters sorrow... The poem contains the words: “And you will see, full of amazement, the shining distance of another country...” The whole being of a person who has achieved such a prayer seems to change. He will be filled with amazement, seeing “the shining distance of another country”... When the Elder began to talk about the Jesus Prayer, Nicholas listened to him with special attention and enthusiasm. He not only realized with his mind, but felt in his heart the importance of the Jesus Prayer in the matter of spiritual improvement. He accepted the words of the Elder: “I want you to follow this path” as a covenant. At first, the Elder commanded him to perform the Jesus Prayer at every time when there is an opportunity to do so, and during church services to listen to reading and singing, and to say the prayer only when one cannot hear what is being read, or during pauses. Subsequently, seeing the zeal and jealousy of Nicholas, he blessed him, at his request, to say prayer during divine services. Nicholas wrote in his diary more than once about the beneficial effect of the Jesus Prayer during the invasion of inappropriate thoughts, enemy slander and insurance. Church services, since he began to say this prayer, no longer burdened him as before, and there was no such terrifying distraction of thoughts and inattention that so upset him. The elder gave him books to read that expounded the teaching of the Jesus Prayer. Sometimes Nikolai read aloud to him, and the Elder explained to him passages that were not entirely clear. Thus, under the leadership of the Elder, Nicholas read a rare book by an unknown author, “Frank Tales of a Wanderer to His Spiritual Father,” as well as an equally rare book, “On the Caucasus Mountains,” which was subsequently banned by the Holy Synod. Elder Barsanuphius was simple in his dealings with people. And he treated not only Nikolai, who fell in love with him, but also his cell attendants and all the brethren with childish simplicity. This simplicity, sincere, heartfelt, filled with tender and pure love, was not at all offensive. This simplicity was the product of his unshakable faith in God, in the Gospel covenants of humility and love. She was the fruit of high spiritual culture. Some who were unkind to the Elder reproached him for this simplicity of manner, saying that with such a simple treatment he was undermining his authority as a commander. But the Elder acted as the Optina elders did and taught him. Regarding this, he once told Nikolai: – In ancient times, the distinguishing feature of the Abba’s (father’s) treatment of his disciples was simplicity. Abba was truly a father, and not a master or boss who could not be approached. This same simplicity existed in our Skete, under our elders. Then, after the death of elders Ambrose and Anatoly, she began to disappear. Now they even tell me that I treat the brethren too simply. I can’t do it any other way. If some abuse my simplicity, then because of some I cannot enter into cold official relations with everyone... Today I received a reprimand for being too simple. The same reprimand was given to one holy father, and he responded: “Do you want me to give up this simplicity? I’ve been pursuing her for thirty years, and you want me to leave her in one day.” How I wish there was simplicity in the attitude of the brethren towards me! The Lord sees that I love everyone, I would like to enclose everyone in my heart. And it’s not crowded there... But what can you do? - They don’t want to. They don't go on their own... The Elder treated the skete hieromonk Father Kuksha with special love. And it was impossible not to love him. Everyone loved him and he was at peace with everyone. They loved him for his meekness, childlike simplicity, severity towards himself and tenderness towards others. His very appearance was captivating. The Elder also loved his cell attendants: the eldest, Father Nikita, his irreplaceable assistant in economic affairs, brother Nikita, brother Kirill and brother Nikolai. But he loved and valued Nikolai most of all; he alone trusted “all the secrets” of his soul. Often in his conversations he called him his “hidden man,” his “future successor,” “baby,” and other tender and affectionate names. The elder was spiritually alone. Seeing that the evening of his life was approaching sunset, he did not want to take with him to the grave the spiritual wealth that the Lord had awarded him. He chose Nicholas as his heir and decided to entrust his wealth to him alone. “The Lord Himself sent you here... As if you were for Optina and Optina for you...” he once said. Elder Barsanuphius loved and understood nature, seeing in it a reflection of the Supreme Beauty. He often walked around the Skete and the surrounding forest. When he was able, his favorite place for walks was Zhelezinka, one of the most picturesque places in the Optina forest. In a shallow ravine among emerald green lawns, full of flowers, the forest river Zhelezinka flowed quietly along the yellow sand. And all around, a majestic forest stood thoughtfully. He could no longer walk with Nikolai to Zhelezinka; it was difficult for him to climb the mountain on the way back. But on walks around the Skete, Nikolai was his constant companion. Sometimes they walked through the forest, mainly in the northwest direction from Skete, along the road to the village of Pryski. They just walked like father and son. Nikolai usually led the Elder by the arm. But, despite his simplicity, the Elder never lost his senile dignity. For Nikolai, he was always an elder, a boss, a teacher and a father. His eyes were opened to many things in conversations with the Elder, filled with spiritual wisdom. Nikolai, as far as he could, accepted grains of this wisdom and sacredly kept them in his mind and heart. One day, the Elder, getting ready to leave his cell, took off his velvet skufia and suddenly, putting it on Nicholas’s head, smiling, exclaimed: - Mothers! How pretty you are!.. Another time, when Nicholas said that he noticed absent-mindedness and carelessness in himself, the Elder, pressing his head to his chest and placing his hand on it, covered him with his half-mantle and, making the sign of the cross, read the psalm “Alive in the help of the Most High...”, commanding him to always read it in difficult situations in life. Seeing such love for himself from the Elder, Nikolai was more and more filled with a feeling of reverent veneration and filial love for his mentor. He never abused his trust and love, although he was aware that he lived weakly, that he was sometimes lazy to follow the Elder’s instructions, that he was not at all like a monk in his life. Such a humble opinion of himself must be entirely attributed to the honor of Nicholas, for his obedience was so great that it filled his entire day and, in particular, for this reason he was not able to fulfill his cell rule. At the same time, he could not help but notice shortcomings among the monastery brethren, especially in relation to spiritual life. He was upset by the fact that here, in the blessed Skete, one could rarely hear among the monks a conversation about God, eternity and subjects related to spiritual perfection. This upset him and involuntarily led him to thoughts of condemnation and condemnation. After one of the conversations on this topic, the Elder stood up, hugged Nicholas’s head with his hands and said: – Most importantly and first of all: humble yourself! Humble yourself!.. When he asked the Elder why modern monasticism differs so sharply from the strict life of the monks of ancient times, the Elder answered him that “a weak world gives weak monks.” And in support of his words he cited the answer of St. Seraphim of Sarov, who was once asked the same question. Saint Seraphim also added that in the last times, before the coming of the Antichrist, monks will live as worldly people now live, and worldly people will live like cattle... For Nicholas, the entire order of his life in connection with his constant stay with the Elder was favorable. In the relationship between him and the Elder there was a true example of ancient eldership and apprenticeship, for there was a complete opportunity to open one’s thoughts immediately and in everything to fulfill the will not of one’s own, but of the Elder. So in ancient times, new spiritual giants arose, new elders from true disciples, and, moreover, in a relatively short time, which is impossible for those who strive without an elder. Truly blessed is he who finds his elder. He will go from strength to strength, which is what happened later with the novice Nikolai. No one in the Skete, and especially in the monastery, had such an exceptionally favorable position in this regard as Nikolai. And he himself was well aware of the advantage of his position and, reproaching himself for his shortcomings, said: - Much has been given to me, but much will be required... And the Elder himself once told him: – Your situation is exceptionally happy. You are with the elder all the time, always having the opportunity to say what is needed, which I did not have at one time, especially after the death of elder Anatoly. You may have to experience something similar... From the instructions of the Elder and the books of the Holy Fathers, he soon realized that monasticism is an uninterrupted struggle with the world, the flesh and the devil. He understood and firmly grasped the idea that he must prepare for the upcoming struggle and sorrow, that his complacent state must ultimately, according to the law of spiritual life, be replaced by a difficult struggle, and that he must stock up on patience in advance so as not to subsequently fall into relaxation and despondency under the burden of temptations. Christ who suffered for us in the flesh, and you will arm yourself with the same thought, he who suffered in the flesh is freed from sin. When Nicholas entered the Skete, Elder Barsanuphius was about 64 years old. The elder was often sick. His strength was noticeably diminishing. Nikolai repeatedly heard him complain about increasing weakness. Sometimes he became so weak that he did not leave his cell for several days. And all his complaints were filled with love and care for his beloved son, student and future successor. – I began to weaken... To weaken... I feel that I don’t have long to live. I ask one thing from God, that you get back on your feet and get stronger. You will have to go to military service. Nothing! You will go, serve, and you will learn even more about the skin of this monster world. Sometimes it can be beautiful, shimmering with different colors. People run away seeing its apparent beauty, and the world-beast opens its mouth and devours them. Don't be fooled by these beautiful tints. Know that this is just a skin. And come back here again. I would like to extend my life so that you can strengthen yourself not only spiritually, but also externally, that is, to give you a ryassophore, order you and thereby approve. I would like to see you in your cassock and robe, but I don’t know if I will be alive. When you receive the robe, the royal seal will be attached to you. Then it will depend on you whether to keep it or break it. Try to establish yourself here during my lifetime, what will happen after me is unknown... Since 1909, he began to talk more and more often about his approaching death. His legs began to swell. – This is a harbinger of a more or less near end. I began to weaken. Sometimes I can barely sit. And what should I go there with?.. But I would like to live longer. It's scary to die. I am afraid that I will have to answer for my spiritual children. I keep thinking that I do little for them, that I care little about them. As long as I live, as long as I am in this place, you will live smoothly. In ten years, of course, you would get back on your feet, but I don’t hope to live that long. And after me you will have to be patient. You will be left to your own devices. You will be in my position when, just like once upon me, after the death of Elder Anatoly, everything will fall on you. So now be patient in advance. But you will not hesitate! Yes... And I keep thinking that I will die soon. And when I’m already lying in the damp ground, you will come to my grave, pray for my soul and say: “Yes, Father really loved me!” At these words, the Elder stroked Nicholas on the head, pressed him to him and kissed him. One day in April 1909, when the Elder and Nikolai were doing business, the gatekeeper Father Alexey came and handed the Elder a package given to him by one nun. The package contained schematic clothing. When Father Alexei left, the Elder said: – I had a desire to accept the schema before my death. I didn’t tell anyone about this except Father Archimandrite, and now I receive the robes of a schema-monk. I look at this as an omen of my imminent death. At present, this desire of mine is impossible to fulfill due to my situation. But I hope that perhaps the Lord will fulfill my desire. Or maybe you will have to die on the clock... In July 1909, Elder Barsanuphius, together with Father Archimandrite, went to the Trinity-Sergius Lavra for a monastic congress, convened by Archbishop Nikon. Nicholas, having parted with the Elder, for the first time acutely felt the full weight of separation from his loving and beloved father and mentor, for the first time he understood, being left alone, what he was missing in the person of the Elder. He even cried when, having seen off the Elder, he came to his cell. When leaving, the Elder commanded him to take care of himself during his absence, in particular, in the sense of fulfilling the prayer rule. The Elder stayed at the congress for about three weeks. When Nikolai entered the cell that was well known and dear to him, as usual, the last after the general blessing of the brethren, the Elder, exhausted, sat down on the sofa, sat him down next to him, pressed him to his chest and began to speak to him... Everything that he said to Nikolai was filled with the most tender love and remained a secret to everyone, for Nikolai did not even trust his diary with these words... By the end of 1909, the Elder left his cell less and less often for the All-Night Vigil and Matins, even on such major holidays as the monastery’s main church holiday of the Entry of the Most Holy Theotokos into the Church, the Nativity of Christ, the Epiphany and others. In such cases, the service was held in the Elder’s cell in the presence of Father Kuksha, cell attendants and Nicholas. The elder uttered exclamations, and the rest read and sang. The Elder was weakening... Nicholas felt confused in his soul when the Elder told him about his approaching death, separating the living and the dead. He could not even imagine how his life would go without the Elder. He only felt that the death of the Elder would be a severe and irreversible loss for him. More than once he wanted to talk with the Elder on this topic, to resolve some issues that were troubling him. He was afraid that the grief at the loss of the Elder would be so great that he would not be able to bear its weight. One day he finally decided to ask: in the event of his death, to whom should he go under leadership and what order should he follow in choosing books to read? The elder, after a pause, answered: “As long as I am alive, we will live together, and when I die, I will hand you over to the Lord Himself under the leadership.” The Lord will not leave you... I will leave you to God, as the ancient elders told their disciples. As for reading, there can be nothing definite here. The general rule is this: first you need to read books that teach about the active life, and then about the contemplative life. The Lord Himself will teach you... In April 1910, Nikolai was tonsured as a ryassophore. Usually, novices were tonsured into the ryassophore and officially, by virtue of a decree from the Consistory, included in the staff of the monastery only after a three-year trial. Nikolai entered the Skete in December 1907, and he could expect tonsure at the end of 1910. One day, on the 6th week of Great Lent, when he came to the “rukholnaya” to buy boots, the senior rukholnaya, Father Macarius, said to him: – Father Archimandrite wishes to console you for the holiday. Try it on here...” and handed him a cassock and kamilavka. For Nikolai, this news was an unexpected, unexpected joy. When he told the Elder about this, he replied: - Yes. A decree dated April 3 was received. From now on you are a ryassophore. The tonsure of Nicholas, together with other novices of the monastery and Skete, into the ryasophore took place on April 16, on Good Friday of Holy Week, in the Church of the Venerable Mary of Egypt, where tonsures were usually performed. After tonsure, Father Archimandrite spoke a short word about humility and obedience to the newly tonsured monks, and handed them over to the elders. Then all the newly tonsured, having previously asked for blessings and holy prayers from the tombstones of the deceased elders, went to the Skete for a blessing, first to the head of the Skete, Elder Barsanuphius, and then to Elder Father Joseph. Elder Barsanuphius, addressing them, among other things, said: “A special grace is working on you now.” Now a new life begins for you. And whatever direction the monk gives himself during the first time after being tonsured as a ryassophore will remain with him until his grave. You received the Rassophor. This is not some kind of promotion, like in the world. No. On the monastic banner are written the words: “Whoever wants to be great, let him be a servant to everyone.” ( Matthew 20:26 ) Humble yourselves and humble yourself. Now you will be more comforted by the grace of God, but the enemy will also embitter you more, so I warn you, be prepared for sorrows and temptations... Some time after his tonsure, Elder Barsanuphius said to Nicholas: – You may have noticed that I have become stricter towards you. The time of tonsure as a ryassophore is of great importance for a monk. Whatever direction and mood you give yourself at first after taking tonsure, it will remain that way for the rest of your life. I have told you more than once and now I repeat - get out of the habit of laughing and being ridiculous, otherwise, God forbid, it may become a habit. Of course, you naturally have such a cheerful character, but you need to restrain yourself and completely abandon laughter. I'm telling you this. Remember death, hellish torment and the Gospel words: “Woe to you who laugh now,” (Luke 6:25) - and laughter will freeze on your lips. You took monastic vows on April 16, the day of remembrance of the holy martyrs Irina, Chionia and Agapia. What do these names mean? Agapia - love, Irina - peace, Chionia - snowy. This means that you must, according to the word of the Apostle, have peace and holiness with everyone. (Heb.12:14) In addition to these virtues, peace and love, one must cleanse oneself from passions, that is, become white. Chionia – snowy. You need to cleanse your soul so that it is snow-white, as it is said in the psalm: “I will be whiter than snow.” Further it is said: “Dasi brings joy and joy to my ears.” This joy and gladness is a foretaste of bliss as we become purified. And then: “The humble bones will rejoice.” Here, in the psalm, there is a subtle sequence... In July 1910, the Elder suddenly, during an all-night vigil, felt so bad that he left the church and, arriving at his cell, immediately went to bed. The next morning he was so weak that he could not even get up in bed without the help of his cell attendants and Nikolai, who did not leave his side all night. Having learned about the Elder’s illness, Father Archimandrite, the monastery confessor Father Theodosius and the paramedic Father Panteleimon came. The Elder's condition was serious. On the evening of the same day, July 11, Father Theodosius tonsured the Elder into the schema, and his adopted father from the Gospel was Father Nektarios, the skete hieromonk. When they were preparing for tonsure, the Elder called Nicholas to him and said: – We may have to part with you. What I have not finished, let the grace of God complete... Tears came to Nikolai's throat. I couldn’t believe that the Elder could die. The tonsure began. When the schema was put on the Elder, Nikolai looked at him and again with difficulty held back the tears that came. After the tonsure, when everyone left, the Elder said to him: – Now another life must begin for me... The next morning the Elder felt a little better, and a day later he was already able to receive Father Joseph, who came to visit the sick man. The old man was recovering. A few days after his tonsure, he told Nicholas: – Schema is a region. Either death or recovery. I see that the schema raised me. I was supposed to die, but now a reprieve has been given... I feel that a new life has begun in me, and I myself don’t know very well what it will consist of. I feel the storms getting stronger. I didn't think I would get any peace, but I didn't expect the storms to get worse. Fears for the future began. Even before being drafted into the army in 1909, Nikolai caught a cold during a trip to Moscow. His throat, which had not been particularly healthy since childhood, began to hurt. For this reason, he could not sing for a long time, his throat quickly got tired. This time the sore throat lasted especially long, about two months. Almost simultaneously with the throat disease, he began to feel pain in his left leg with dilated veins. Pain and weakness in the legs intensified during prolonged standing for prayer. He had to go to the hospital for help. The paramedic, Father Panteleimon, advised him to bandage his sore leg, but this remedy, in essence, did little to alleviate the disease. By the end of 1909, the pain and weakness in his legs were so severe that he could hardly stand church services, forced to sit down even when this was not required according to the rules. Since 1910, the disease of the legs was accompanied by general weakness throughout the body and fatigue. He began to be “overcome by sleep.” Chest pain appeared, especially sensitive when laughing. It can be assumed that the cause of the illness, in part, was the unusual way of monastic life for him: fasting, vigil, prolonged standing. After all, every day he had to be on his feet, almost without sitting down, for many hours. Moreover, his obedience was difficult. Extremely tired, he came to his cell in the evening. When he told the Elder about his bodily infirmities, in particular, about the illness of his legs, because of which he could hardly stand the church services, which caused him grief, he said that “the Lord sent the illness of the legs out of His love for you”... The Lord knows what He is doing, and to each person who has entered the path of pleasing Him, he sends what is useful for this person for a successful journey along the path of salvation. By the end of 1910, Nikolai was feeling especially poorly physically. He did not see his face, because even if he had a mirror, he had neither the time nor the desire to examine himself. And the Elder saw it. I clearly saw a sharp change in Nikolai’s face. One day in the summer of 1910, he suddenly, without any connection with the previous conversation, looked at Nikolai and said: - How would you not die... A few days later, looking intently at him, the Elder said again: – Don’t you dare die. When I die, then you too... At least the next day... - Father, do you notice anything in me? – Nikolai asked. - I notice... I notice... I’ll tell you later... After some time, the Elder said again: - I wish I could survive you. What will I do? – Father, this is the third time you’ve told me this. What is the reason for this? The Elder did not answer anything to this... The reminder of death from the Elder’s lips surprised and frightened Nicholas. It was surprising because he had no idea what a drastic change had occurred in his appearance. For a long time he pondered the mysterious words of the Elder and could not understand them. I only understood that the Elder meant physical death. This alerted him and made him think more often about the transition to eternal life. He felt unprepared for this transition, clearly saw his spiritual shortcomings, and this gave rise to an even greater desire to correct them. There is reason to assume that even then, in his youth, at the age of 20–24, Nikolai had a closed form of tuberculosis. But he didn't know about it. It is possible that no one knew, except, perhaps, the Elder, vigilantly watching his “future successor.” There is no doubt that the Lord, through the holy prayers of the Elder, who saw in the face of Nicholas the only joy and joy in his declining days, helped Nicholas overcome his illness. He didn't die. He remained to live to glorify the name of God on earth, among men. Nikolai, with the help of God and through the prayers of his Elder, endured his painful condition courageously, patiently and steadfastly. He did not lose heart or weaken spiritually. He was still in good spirits. His natural cheerfulness and faith in the words of the Elder that “the Lord sent him illness out of His love for him” greatly contributed to such a joyful state of soul. This faith instilled hope in the mercy and help of God and strengthened his spiritual and physical strength. Part of the reason for this complacency may have been that he had no idea of ​​the seriousness of his illness. Many are the ranks, but few are the chosen ones. His brother Ivanushka caused Nikolai incomparably greater grief. As already mentioned at the beginning of this story, they entered the Optina Hermitage Skete together. Together they gave their lives under the leadership of Elder Barsanuphius with a single holy goal - to lead a godly monastic life. At first they lived together - their cells were nearby. But, according to the inscrutable fate of God, their paths soon diverged. At first, this discrepancy was not noticeable in appearance. It was hidden in their internal structure. But their structure was different, just as their characters were different. Nikolai, a calm, balanced, peace-loving young man, from the very first days of his life in the Skete, completely, sincerely and selflessly betrayed his will and his understanding, and his whole life into the hands of the elder. Ardent, impatient in his desires, Ivan, with an inquisitive mind and an excessively large opinion of his mental superiority, could not so sincerely and completely surrender his will and his mind to the will of the elder. This is what destroyed him... Elder Barsanuphius saw his soul, just like the soul of Nicholas, from the very first days. Once, back in 1908, the Elder spoke to Nikolai about his brother who had just visited him: – So he complains that he has a lot of doubts and bewilderments, that he doesn’t understand a lot. He completely bombarded me with questions: how is this? why is this? and this? and this? I say: “Sorry, I can’t. I don’t care, but my cell attendants have been up since four o’clock in the morning and have been on their feet all day.” He says: “Others praise “Abba Dorotheus,” but I don’t understand anything about it.” That's why he grieves. “Do you really not understand anything? You probably understand something? Here the grace of God gave ten pounds to one, two pounds to another, and one spool to the third, at least to you. And give thanks for that. And that's good. Elder Macarius, when he was a novice, seemed to understand the book of Abba Dorotheus. And later, when he was already a hieromonk, he said that he did not understand much about it. If Father Macarius, the angelic mind, did not fully understand this book, it is not surprising that you do not understand. This book is the basis of monastic life. This is the depth of this book, for it was written by the Holy Spirit. No wonder it has passed fifteen centuries and everyone reads it. And not only here, but also in the West, in the monasteries there.” - “Why am I not consoled by you today?” - "Don't know. After all, this is sorrow, and we must thank God for sorrow, for God’s Providence knows best what is best for us.” He sincerely seeks salvation and wants to immediately understand everything with his mind. He wants to comprehend without practice, with just his mind, to acquire unfounded knowledge. This was the Elder’s opinion about Ivan after his first conversations with him. The consequences showed that the Elder, experienced in spiritual life, was not mistaken. Ivan was a talented young man. He studied very well at the gymnasium, better than Nikolai. He was especially distinguished by his compositions, which were set as a model even in the senior classes of the gymnasium. If he had taken a different path, he would have subsequently made a good priest-preacher or missionary. But the ways of the Lord are mysterious to our weak minds... The first two years of his stay in the Skete, Ivan, in his words, “lived as if in paradise and considered himself the happiest of mortals.” He carried out obedience primarily as a sexton. Elder Barsanuphius treated both brothers with equal care and attention. But when he brought Nikolai closer to him and made him his clerk, Ivan was hurt by this. He could not come to terms with the fact that preference was given to his brother, whom he, in the recesses of his soul, considered inferior to himself in terms of mental development. He carefully concealed his secret jealousy and envy towards his brother 19 . Due to his duties, Nikolai spent all his days with the Elder. Ivan saw him only briefly. There were days when he did not see his brother at all. This circumstance, in particular, did not serve Ivan well. Inseparable brothers in the world, by the will of God, were separated. There was no former unanimity and like-mindedness between them. Ivan was clearly moving away from his brother, but it never occurred to Nikolai what was going on in his brother’s soul. The Elder saw this and once told Nicholas that “the enemy wants to sow chaff among you, that is, disunity, enmity, hatred.” Advised him to maintain love and unity. But how could this be done when they hardly saw each other and when Nikolai felt that Ivan was moving away from him? An excessively high opinion of his capabilities forced Ivan to arbitrarily, without the Elder’s blessing, invent special feats for himself, contrary to the rules of the Skete. He prayed for a long time at night, beyond the prescribed prayer rule. During the reading of the “day,” that is, the round-the-clock reading of the Psalter in church, he himself asked for reading during the most difficult hours of the night. Once he even ate black bread with lamp oil, in imitation of the ancient ascetics, as a result of which he ended up in the hospital. Although with good intentions, he took up the task of saving the soul arbitrarily and too ardently. True, he was still almost a boy and a hot boy. His ardor quickly cooled. The monotonous life of the inhabitants of Skete soon bored him. The impatient and reckless desire to immediately, without difficulty, “jump into heaven” gave way to melancholy and despondency. By the end of 1909, he could no longer hide his difficult mental state from either the Elder or his brother. Nikolai sincerely sympathized with him, felt sorry for him, but could not help him and ease his grief. Nikolai himself never had to experience such feelings, and therefore he did not understand Ivan. - Pray for your brother, pray! “Satan rebelled strongly against him,” the Elder told Nicholas. At the beginning of 1910, Ivan announced to the Elder and his brother his adamant intention to leave Skete and go to Athos. No matter how much the Elder and Nicholas dissuaded him, he stubbornly insisted on his own. “Let us pray and cry for him,” said the Elder. On January 27, Ivan, almost without saying goodbye to Nikolai, left for Moscow. Before leaving, he expressed to his brother everything that had accumulated in his soul. Nikolai had to listen to many reproachful and unpleasant words from his brother’s lips, and this caused him great grief. Having secured the blessing of Bishop Tryphon, Ivan left Moscow for Athos. Before leaving, he sent Elder Barsanuphius and his brother a letter in which he asked for forgiveness and holy prayers, parting with them forever. But he did not stay on Mount Athos for long - a month and a half or two. He didn't like anything there. In addition, he fell ill and, feeling that even here he would not find peace for his restless soul, he returned to Moscow. But Moscow did not satisfy him either, although he, in his words, “did not leave the Epiphany Monastery and Father Jonah,” his spiritual father, who treated him with exceptional attention and warmth. At the end of April 1910, at his request, he was again admitted to the Optina Hermitage Skete, as Bishop Tryphon and Father Jonah advised him. This time he surprised Nicholas a lot by starting to write poetry, as if with the blessing of Elder Barsanuphius. Ivan’s poems were not bad, but their content was alien to Nikolai and therefore little understood. In his heart he did not approve of them and called them “deplorable,” because Ivan described in them his sad state of mind, incomprehensible to Nikolai. Ivan dedicated one of his poems to his brother. Here is the poem: How can I sing the song of the Lord in foreign lands?!.. (arrangement of Psalm 136) No!.. You won’t find any joy in my songs! – You need victory anthems... But my songs, songs of sorrow, are not necessary, But I, sitting on the rivers of Babylon, I, taken captive, dare Sing hymns of freedom?! - In rattling chains I want to raise my eyes to the sky - But I see only the vaults of the prison!!.. And I want to get up, but I don’t have the strength to get up: I'm all in shackles! And as soon as I remember the holy fatherland, The groans are already bursting from the lips! Oh, if only I could, at the end of my life Take a look at your native country! And if, when I forget Zion, Then - may my right hand be forgotten! And it’s better if I’m already dumb, What alien songs will the soul love! Remind the enemy, O God, the day of destruction, When I was taken away I was taken prisoner! Oh, how he rejoiced, the culprit of captivity, Seeker of death to all!.. ...Blessed is he who gives him that reward, And who will not hesitate to break against stones All the children he gave birth to! Dedicated to the singer of the Song of the Lord, my beloved brother in Christ, the most honorable monk Father Nicholas, may he pray for me indecently and grant me the Lord to join the choir of those singing the Song of the Lord in the Holy Fatherland. When Nikolai showed this poem to the Elder, he forbade Ivan to write poetry. Perhaps Nikolai did not understand anything, but the Elder understood the hints expressed, perhaps involuntarily, by Ivan in this poem. Namely, allusions to the “vaults of the prison” and to the fact that his suffering and sobs are “alien to both Elder Barsanuphius and Father Nicholas”... Shortly after this episode, Ivan wrote a letter to the Elder, which the Elder called “terrible” and told Ivan that it was better for him to live in some Moscow monastery. Ivan left. He did not enter any monastery in Moscow. By the way, while living in Moscow with his relatives, he wrote a very good akathist to St. Parthenius, Bishop of Lampsaki, in conjunction with the Candlemas chants, approved by Bishop Tryphon and published in 1912 with the blessing of the Holy Synod. Subsequently, there were rumors that on Athos Ivan was secretly tonsured into a mantle by one of the Kelliots with the name Parthenia. How reliable these rumors are is unknown 20 . Ivan lived in Moscow until the autumn of 1910 and in October he again came to Optina Pustyn and was again accepted into the Skete for his former sexton obedience. When he came to Optina Pustyn for the third time and came to Father Archimandrite with a request to be accepted into the Skete, Father Archimandrite with his usual half-smile, half-grin said: -Have you seen the stone that lies at the porch of my cell? (This stone was so large that two or three could hardly lift it.) - So, go and take it aside. - Father, I can’t do this! “And you are asking to go to the Skete!..” said Father Archimandrite and, taking on a serious look, blessed him for admission. Thus ended, relatively safely, Ivan’s wanderings between Optina, Moscow and Athos. Nikolai was acutely worried about everything that was happening to his brother and, although Ivan’s torment was incomprehensible to him, he pitied him, grieved and prayed for him, and bitterly reproached himself for not being attentive enough to him. Both the Elder and Nicholas were glad when Ivan, apparently having come to his senses and humbled himself, returned to the Skete. Nikolai's life continued to flow smoothly and quietly. And his complacent mood did not stop. By the time described, they had become so close to the Elder and fell in love with each other with holy love for Christ that they were almost never separated. Nicholas even ate with the Elder and very often stayed overnight “on the sofa under the portraits of the elders.” Anticipating the approaching separation from his beloved spiritual son in the event of his death, which he repeatedly mentioned, the Elder said to Nicholas: – Whatever God wants will happen. Trust only in God, not in man. God chooses and appoints servants for Himself. It is not open to me how and who you will be. But you are all with me, we are all together. No wonder the Lord freed you from military service. Live like a monk, and the Lord will not leave you. You received it here, and you will receive it there. Just don't tell anyone what I'm telling you... The Elder often spoke his last words to Nicholas. When the Elder gave him something - a book, an icon, a rosary or some kind of delicacy, he always warned that Nikolai should not tell anyone about it, so as not to arouse envy. Nicholas sacredly fulfilled everything that the Elder commanded him, and subsequently he himself advised his spiritual children to do the same. One day the Elder said to Nicholas: – Not all the time you will be as peaceful and good as you are now. You will have to be patient... And very patient... I am telling you this not so that you will be discouraged, no, but so that you know that such a time will come. Now gain strength. Then you will say: “Yes, Father told me all this twenty years ago...” Hard days are approaching... Life has become difficult for everyone, everywhere, and especially for the monk. And - good for those living in the monastery!.. It will be difficult for you, but the Lord will not leave you and will not deprive you of the Heavenly Kingdom... I pray to God to put you on my feet, to strengthen your still childish legs, for after me they will attack you. But do not be afraid, for your foundation will lie on the rock of the commandments. You are in the same position as I once was. Elder Anatoly was very friendly towards me. Spiritually, I stood closest to him. He called me an ascetic, and this aroused the indignation of some of the brothers. True, I was not as close to Elder Anatoly as you were to me, but I always enjoyed certain benefits. And after his death they began to attack me. It was very difficult for me... I am telling you about my sorrows and temptations in order to strengthen your faith in the Lord, because you will subsequently have to experience a lot... And actually prove your faith. My only hope is in God, truly I tell you. Do not rely on princes, on the sons of men... You begin monasticism under the most favorable conditions for you. And you will endure the sorrows and temptations that await you with the help of God, for you will already be stronger. And they will serve you to glorify the name of the Lord and receive crowns... Will I live to see the time when you will be in the robe?.. Yes... I would then say: “Now you are releasing your servant, O Master!..” (Luke 2:29) - Don’t take on the abbess, brother Nikolai! It's very difficult. Is it just for obedience... If it pleases the Lord to place the yoke of authority on you, a yoke, although very difficult, but fruitful, then I tell you in advance - be very careful and attentive in financial matters. Attentiveness, precision and accuracy in your affairs and responsibilities will also contribute to your inner, spiritual composure when you acquire attentiveness to yourself. The elder had great hopes for Nicholas in terms of his advancement up the hierarchical ladder and tried in advance to prepare him for his upcoming service to the Church in the priesthood. So, when he noticed that Nikolai did not clearly pronounce some words, especially when he spoke hastily, he advised him to start correcting this speech deficiency and taught him how to do it. He reminded him of this more than once: – This is necessary for your personal benefit and for the benefit of the monastery. While you are young, you can correct this shortcoming... Soon after Nicholas was tonsured as a ryassophore, he gave him a book, Svirelin’s textbook “Church Charter” and blessed him to begin studying the charter, omitting places that relate only to the priest. One day, when they were walking around the Skete, the Elder said: “Neither I nor you, of course, have any thoughts of parting with each other, but, really, it’s good to die in years like yours, here in the Skete.” And we would carry “Lyutenka” and put it under the sticky... - The elder pointed with his hand to the graves of the monks of the monastery who had previously died. “Yes, and my desire is to stay forever in the Skete, and to lie down here in the grave.” But only the Monk John Climacus says that “he who has not been purified, even if he desires death, acts insanely,” said Nicholas. - Why wish you death? Give me the right to desire this. And all this can happen. God has His own plans. Which of us the Lord will require first is unknown... Why do I sometimes call you “Lyutochka”? – The word “Lyutochka” comes from the word “fierce.” In the lives of the saints it is narrated that the demons called Saint John the Theologian: “Fierce.” This is how we should be fierce for demons. Of course, we cannot be as “fierce” as the holy Apostle John the Theologian. It’s good if we are “little ones.” - Father! - Nikolai once turned to the Elder after a long conversation. - I would like to hear from you, from your lips, that I do not need to leave this monastery, from the Skete. And endure everything. - The Lord will bless you, my child, not to leave the Skete. Be patient with everything... Yes, maybe you don’t have long to live... I bless you with joy. Yes... I’ll die, but I won’t leave... It’s a different matter if they transfer me to a monastery. While you are still only a novice, you can refuse, saying that you only entered the Skete. And if you are wearing a robe, then you cannot refuse. You can only ask. Nothing disturbed the serene life of the inhabitants of Skete, removed from the world. The events were such cases as a fire at a brick factory, cases of cholera in the surrounding villages, the death of one of the brethren, thieves who broke into the cell of Father John the Field during the all-night vigil, and so on. An outstanding event that stirred up the quiet life of the Optina monks was the arrival of the writer Leo Tolstoy at the end of October 1910. Leo Tolstoy had visited the Optina Hermitage more than once before with the elders Ambrose, and then Joseph. We must assume that this time he came with the goal of talking with Elder Joseph. But the news that reached him that his wife, daughter and Chertkov were going in pursuit of him forced him, without visiting either the Elder or Father Archimandrite, to hastily leave. On the way, in the carriage, he suddenly fell ill and at the Astapovo station, in serious condition, was placed in the apartment of the station chief. Leo Tolstoy was dying. By decree of the Holy Synod, Elder Joseph was ordered to go to the dying man, in order to make a last attempt to convince the count of the truths of the Orthodox Church and join him to it. Elder Joseph did not refuse, but on the day appointed for departure, he felt so weak that he could not go. Then a telegram from the Synod ordered the head of the Skete, Father Barsanuphius, to go. The elder wanted to take Nicholas with him. But then, after talking with Father Archimandrite, he changed his mind and left, accompanied by the monastery paramedic, Hierodeacon Panteleimon. Nicholas, having seen the Elder off and said goodbye to him, returned to his cell. On the table were handkerchiefs given to him by the Elder shortly before his departure. Taking them in his hands and looking at them, he unconsciously whispered: - Scarves, scarves! Won't I have to wipe away my tears with you during my grief... The elder remained absent for several days and returned safely to Skete, to the great joy of Nicholas. His trip was not crowned with success. Not only him, but even his wife was not allowed to see the dying man, despite repeated requests. So the death of the apostate and blasphemous writer remained a secret to everyone, in confirmation of the prophetic words of Archpriest Father John of Kronstadt. And again, days, weeks, months flowed by in an even succession. The year 1911 arrived. This year, a great and sorrowful event was the death of Elder Joseph. The gradually weakening Elder (he was already 74 years old) quietly faded away, as quietly as he lived his long life. On May 9, without much suffering, he quietly reposed in the Lord. Elder Joseph passed away. With appropriate honors, in front of a large crowd of his spiritual children and admirers, Elder Joseph was given a funeral service and buried in the same chapel with Elder Ambrose 21 . The council of the elder brethren of the monastery and the Skete elected the skete hieromonk Nektarios 22 as an elder, the one who once, upon entering the Skete, seemed “wonderful” to Nicholas. True, Elder Nektarios, for all his high spiritual dispensation, seemed to be a bit of a fool. Some of his words and actions were not always clear to others. The death of Elder Joseph was a harbinger of a terrible thunderstorm that broke out over the Skete, the blows of which, by the will of God, were directed at Elder Barsanuphius and Father Nicholas. The death of Elder Joseph was, so to speak, the root cause of all the disasters that unexpectedly befell them... The orphaned spiritual children of Elder Joseph, left to their own devices, gave free rein to their passions and, at the inspiration of the devil, the enemy of peace and love, their ill will towards Elder Barsanuphius intensified to the point that they soon moved from words to actions. In addition, the newly appointed Elder Nektarios was disliked by them, since he was spiritually close to Elder Barsanuphius and enjoyed his favor. All the malicious actions of the ill-wishers of Elder Barsanuphius were carried out in deep secrecy. Neither the Elder nor Father Nikolai suspected until the last minute what a difficult test the Lord was preparing for them. One day, in early March 1912, on the fifth Sunday of Great Lent, the Elder, returning after the Liturgy to his cell, asked Nicholas, “did he pay attention to what kind of Gospel was read during the Liturgy?” And, pointing to the words: “Behold, we are ascending to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be betrayed... and they will mock Him... and hurt Him, and spit on Him and kill Him...” (Mark 47, 10:32-45), he said: – These are the degrees of ascent to the Heavenly Jerusalem. They must be passed. What level are we at?.. These words were spoken mysteriously and thoughtfully. Listening to them, Nikolai silently composed them in his heart. A few days after this conversation, the Elder was summoned to Father Archimandrite. Returning from him, the Elder surprised Father Nicholas with the unusual pallor of his face. His features seemed to have turned to stone. Turning to him, the Elder told him the news, which struck him like a thunderclap with its sad surprise. Nikolai’s heart seemed to tear away and fall. A whirlwind of thoughts rushed through my head, and everything was confused. By decree of the Holy Synod, his dear Elder was transferred to the Moscow diocese to the position of rector of the Kolomna Staro-Golutvin Monastery. For both the Elder and Father Nicholas, this news was an unexpected blow, and an unbearably heavy blow. The elder expected death, and his only desire was to be freed from his position of authority at the end of his days and retire to the secluded cell of his beloved Skete. For this alone he sighed to the Lord. But the Lord prepared something different for him. All his hopes and desires were destroyed. The Elder's grief was boundless... “Grief should be considered not by what a person experiences outwardly, but by how much God allows him to be depressed by this experience, which causes grief and suffering in his heart.” The elder truly suffered. Sharing his grief with Father Nikolai, he once said that “from the great internal struggle and sorrow he is afraid of going crazy.” It was quite clear to both the Elder and everyone close to him, including Father Nikolai, that “such an order from the higher authorities was a punishment for the Elder, that it was arranged according to the machinations of his ill-wishers, that there was slander, and man-pleasing, and lies, and much more involved...”. More than once later, Father Nicholas recalled the words of the Gospel: “Behold, we are ascending to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be betrayed... and they will mock Him, and wound Him, and spit on Him, and kill Him...” These are the degrees of ascent to the Heavenly Jerusalem. And they quarreled over the Elder, and spat on him, and wounded him, and... killed him. Easter in 1912 was early, on March 25th. Many years later, Father Nikolai often remembered the last days spent with the Elder, the last conversation with him during the last walk through the still winter Optina forest. For the last time, the Elder admired the beauty of his favorite places and quietly sang the Sretensky irmos. He loved these irmos. Anticipating his imminent death, he told Nikolai that he was singing these wonderful Irmos for the last time, that he would not sing them next year. Father Nikolai, just like all those who love and honor Elder Barsanuphius, in the depths of his soul cherished the hope that the Elder would remain in the Skete. One must assume that they had reason to hope for this. The elder had the opportunity to refuse an unwanted appointment due to old age and illness and retire. And it was true. He really, really was weak and sick. Subsequently, after his death, it turned out that shortly before the move he submitted a request for dismissal from the post of chief of Skeet in order to retire. And as if in response to this request, a decree was soon received. It can be assumed that this was the Elder’s difficult internal struggle. Should he refuse his appointment and end his days in the silence of the Skete, preparing for the transition to eternity, or be an obedient son of the Church to the end and take upon himself the yoke sent to him as if from the hand of the Lord? After a great internal struggle and intense prayers, the Elder decided, like a true son of the Church, to humbly bow his head before the inscrutable destinies of God and lift the heavy cross placed on him on his weak, senile shoulders. In his instructions and teachings, the Elder most often reminded the brethren and all his spiritual children about the most important monastic virtues: humility and obedience. Remembering the words of the Apostle: “be a faithful image...” (1 Tim. 4:12), he showed himself in this case as a high example of monastic obedience. And so, on April 2, on Monday, St. Thomas Week, Elder Barsanuphius forever left dear Skete and all the brothers who were spiritually close and dear to him. After the quiet, fragrant Skete, secluded from the world among the ancient forest, he headed to a country far away, to the alien, unknown Golutvin. The old man was going to the cross... A period of sorrows began for Father Nikolai. As Bishop Tryphon and Elder Barsanuphius predicted for him, the quiet, serene state of his soul, grace-filled joy and carelessness gave way to suffering - sadness, sorrow and heartache. At first, the sorrows were not so severe as to darken his bright soul for a long time. The Lord gradually, not immediately, led His chosen one onto the path of the cross intended for him. The Elder’s illness, his own infirmities and illnesses, difficult experiences in connection with his brother Ivan - all these sorrows were only harbingers of incomparably greater suffering. Preparing for separation from the dear and beloved Elder, his only father and mentor in the whole world, Father Nikolai suffered doubly. His heart was breaking at the mere thought of what he was losing in the face of the Elder. He was also worried and frightened by the thought of the upcoming changes in his life in connection with the departure of the Elder. At the same time, he could not remain indifferent, seeing the great sorrow and suffering of his Elder. The Elder’s suffering found a warm response in his loving heart. But the Elder was weak and sick. Nicholas was saved from excessively severe grief by his youth. In addition, he was so busy in connection with the transfer of all Skeet’s affairs to the new boss that he had neither time nor strength left to mentally comprehend the full gravity of the catastrophe that had disrupted their peaceful life. They lived through sorrowful days. Only prayer and surrender to the will of God strengthened the strength of the Elder and Father Nicholas. It is possible that Father Nikolai also hoped that the Elder would take him with him. But the Elder was like an indestructible rock under the blows of the raging sea, and he laid everything, including personal affection and love for Nicholas, at the feet of the Lord as a sacrifice. The Optinskaya monastery needed Nikolai, they valued Nikolai. Great hopes were placed on him. His impeccable life in the Skete for four years and the best reviews of Elder Barsanuphius about him were well known to Father Archimandrite. The elder parted with Nicholas forever. In one of his last, farewell conversations with Nicholas, the Elder prayerfully uttered the following touching words over him: - Lord! Save Your servant! Make him a monk! Make him worthy of the Kingdom of Heaven!.. And another time he said prophetically: - Lord! Save your servant this Nicholas! Be his Helper! Protect him when he has neither shelter nor shelter... The day of separation has arrived. When the Elder laid his blessing right on his head for the last time, Nikolai’s eyes darkened. The severity of his grief cannot be described. Anyone who has ever suffered separation from a loving and beloved person will understand it without words... The elder left accompanied by his cell attendant, brother Grigory Ermakov (later hieromonk Gerontius), who replaced his brother Nikita, who was drafted into the army. His brother Ivan Belyaev went with him to Golutvin. Nikolai was left alone. With an empty heart and a heavy head, he returned to his cell, seeing off the Elder. Sobs shook my chest. And he remembered the scarves given by the Elder two years ago, and his words: “Scarves, scarves! Won’t I have to wipe away my tears with you during my time of grief...” Some of the brethren, as often happens, transferred their hostile attitude towards Elder Barsanuphius to Nicholas. Everything that the Elder warned and prophetically predicted to him came true. With the departure of the Elder, everything collapsed. Father Nikolai's whole life changed. How much secret and open ridicule, mockery and triumphant gloating he suffered from his foolish brothers! Only he knew about this... To fill to the brim the cup of suffering that Father Nicholas was destined to drink, soon after the Elder’s departure he suffered a new blow. He was not only separated from the Elder, but, like the Elder, he was expelled from the Skete. Nicholas was transferred to a monastery 23. If we remember to what extent he became close to the Skete, loved its silence and only prayed to the Lord for one thing, that he would spend his whole life in the secluded, blessed Skete and lay his bones in it, if you remember all this, then it will become quite clear what grief this translation caused Nicholas. True, the monastery needed him. Archimandrite Xenophon, also sick and weak, having escorted Elder Barsanuphius to Golutvin, lost in him not only his closest congenial person, but also a wise adviser and assistant in all administrative and economic matters. He needed a young and energetic assistant. Father Nikolai, for more than four years helping the Elder with correspondence, was also aware of the Elder’s affairs in terms of managing the Skete. It is possible that the transfer to the monastery, which was undesirable for Father Nicholas, was decided even before the Elder’s departure, at the persuasive request of Father Archimandrite. It can also be assumed that there were also machinations of the Elder’s ill-wishers, who transferred their hostility to his beloved student. Nicholas said goodbye to the Elder, and said goodbye to the Skete. Farewell, dear Skete, a quiet, fragrant corner, goodbye... Farewell, the cozy cell of the Elder, his inspired speeches, his wise advice and instructions, goodbye forever!.. In the monastery, Father Nikolai was immediately made a clerk in the chancellery, together with Father Peter Krutikov (later Hieromonk Parfeniy). And Elder Barsanuphius, elevated to the rank of archimandrite in Moscow, at this time also entered a new and final phase of his earthly life. He went to the place of his new ministry as if he were going to suffer on the cross. And reality did not deceive him. He found the Kolomna Staro-Golutvin Monastery (Moscow province) in a neglected state both from the outside and from the inside, spiritual side. Many of the monastery buildings required urgent repairs. Mismanagement reigned everywhere. The few brethren of the monastery struck his experienced eye with their licentiousness. Sloppy attendance at church services, sloppiness in clothing, impudent and rude behavior not only among themselves, but also with those in authority, unauthorized absences from the monastery, drunkenness - this is what Archimandrite Barsanuphius found here. All this ugliness and indecency outraged his God-loving soul. Despite his old age, illness and difficult experiences of recent days, he did not lose heart. With his characteristic energy, he set to work as an abbot, taking care of the external and internal improvement of the monastery. His labors were prohibitively great and associated with great sorrows, mainly when he came into contact with the dissolved brethren. He worked without sparing his weak strength. The fruit of his tireless labors was that in a very short time the monastery began to renew itself and prosper. The monastery did not have funds for repairs. The rumor about the arrival of the Optina Elder in the Kolomna region quickly spread. The influx of pilgrims increased. The monastery's income began to increase. There were benefactors donating large sums of money and building materials. Within a year, the entire monastery was renovated. Improved brotherly meals. In relation to the brethren, the Elder was forced to take a number of drastic measures, including the removal from the monastery of some unworthy monks who set the tone for others, and soon stopped all the outrages. The monks of other monasteries, the spiritual children of the Elder, strove for him so that, under his wise leadership, they could work for the Lord. The monastery was filled with people sincerely seeking salvation. One can truly be surprised how the Elder had the strength to complete such a colossal work of improving the monastery in such a short time. God's help was clearly visible in this. The elder began to weaken a long time ago, back in Optina Pustyn. Exorbitantly hard work, worries and sorrows undermined his weak body. From the very beginning of 1913, the Elder felt an exacerbation of his long-standing gastrointestinal illness. He quickly began to weaken. Exacerbations of the disease recurred more and more often. And in February of this year, undermined by a serious illness, he took to bed. The Elder endured his suffering with inimitable patience. A month before his death, he refused medical help, telling those around him: - I am on the cross. Leave me... Anticipating his imminent death, with a weakening hand, he wrote a long letter to Father Theodosius, the head of the Optina Hermitage Skete who replaced him. By the way, this letter contained the following lines: “In moments of sorrowful thoughts, regarding various hardships, I am carried away in my mind to dear Optina, to my dear Skete... Perhaps the Lord will grant me the privilege of shutting myself up there and preparing for death, which is apparently approaching... I settle for now on the decision: to wait for a clear indication of the will of God...” Obviously, until the end of his life, the Elder was haunted by thoughts about the Skete dear to his heart, and he only wanted one thing on earth - to die in the Skete... Simultaneously with this letter, he submitted a petition to Moscow Metropolitan Macarius for his dismissal from the post of abbot of the Golutvin Monastery due to illness and permission to return to the Optina Skete to retire. Signing the petition, he said to his clerk, brother Ivan Belyaev: – As soon as I get my dismissal, we’ll all go to Optina. There I will lay my bones... But it was already too late... The Elder’s illness progressed with terrifying speed (apparently, he had cancer of the gastrointestinal tract). This was in mid-March. And on the first of April, on Monday of the 6th week of Great Lent, early in the morning, the Elder betrayed his pure soul into the hands of the Lord, Whom he loved so ardently and for whose sake he crucified himself all his life until the last minute. He was not deceived by the premonitions of his imminent death, which he spoke about to Father Nikolai when saying goodbye to Optina. And, approaching Golutvin for the first time, he prophetically said to his companions: - From now on I will appear before the Lord... The Elder stayed in Golutvin for exactly a year, according to the hidden prediction of Blessed Paraskeva of Sarov about the mysterious 365 days, and, after these days, he departed to the Lord. The death of Elder Barsanuphius was truly the death of a righteous man. About two weeks before his death, he no longer ate anything and, almost daily, partook of the Holy Mysteries of Christ. The cell attendants, the Optina residents dear to his heart: brother Ivan, brother Grigory and brother Kirill Zlenko, who by that time had completed his military service and came to his Elder in Golutvin, surrounded his painful bed. - “Come, children, listen to me...” (Ps. 33:12) “The river is honest...” ( Proverbs 8:6) - he whispered to them with weakening lips. They watched with sorrow as the great lamp that illuminated their lives and the lives of many others quietly faded away. Until his death, the Elder was fully conscious. Prayers to the Lord and His Most Pure Mother were replaced by prayerful sighs to many, especially the saints he revered, as well as to the deceased elders of Optina. His last words, spoken with a stiff tongue, were about paradise... Then - his last breath, and the soul of Elder Barsanuphius left his mortal body, its earthly shell. A few days before his death, he asked those around him to read the Holy Gospel. It was read almost continuously until the last minute. The death of the Elder was deeply touching and edifying. It seemed that, having uttered the last words about paradise, he calmly fell asleep. The Lord sent His servant, after a difficult life, a blissful, quiet death... The body of the Elder, dressed in a schematic robe according to his will, lay in the church until April 6. Requiem services for the newly deceased archimandrite schemamonk Barsanuphius took place almost continuously. All his spiritual children and admirers came from everywhere to pay their last respects to the deceased. On April 6, Lazarus Saturday, His Grace Bishop Tryphon, who arrived from Moscow, celebrated the funeral Liturgy for the cathedral and delivered a heartfelt word. Bishop Tryphon, who knew the Elder from that distant time when he was a novice and deeply revered him, among other things, said the following words: “You only knew how to love, only do good, and what a sea of ​​malice and slander poured out on you!.. You accepted everything with humility, like the long-suffering Job... I am a witness that I never heard a single word of condemnation from you to anyone... I, as a shepherd, know what such elders mean in our time. His instructions were all the more valuable because he combined the heights of monastic life with education... After the funeral service according to the monastic rite, all the multitudes of his spiritual children and admirers who had gathered, as well as the residents of the city of Kolomna and its environs, who had managed to fall in love with the Elder in such a short time, said goodbye to him. The coffin with the body of the deceased was placed in a funeral carriage and, with the permission of the Holy Synod, sent by special train for burial to Optina Pustyn. For the Optina brethren, the death of the Elder was a complete surprise. Father Nikolai and other monks who were close to the Elder, in the depths of their souls, cherished the hope of his returning to the Skete. True, the news of the Elder’s illness received in the middle of Lent somewhat shook this hope. Soon the second news was received that the Elder had firmly decided to come soon. And hope burned again in the hearts of those who loved him. And suddenly - terrible, shocking news: the Elder is no longer alive, the Elder has died... On April 8, the funeral train arrived at Kozelsk station. From there, with a large crowd of people, admirers of the Elder and local residents who arrived with this train, the coffin with the body in the hands of the clergy was brought to Optina Pustyn. On April 9, Tuesday of Holy Week, after the Liturgy, a funeral litany was served by a council of 21 hieromonks and 4 hierodeacons, led by the monastery leader Father Theodosius. To the touching singing of the stichera by a full choir of monks, “Come, let us give you the last kiss...” all the Optina brethren and many of his spiritual children and pilgrims came up to say goodbye to the Elder. Elder Barsanuphius was buried next to his mentor, Elder Anatoly, opposite the southern doors of the Vvedensky Cathedral. After a whole year of great suffering, he returned to his dear Optina to “lay down his bones” not in the alien Golutvin, but next to his dear old man... This was a great consolation for all those who loved the deceased. Archimandrite Xenophon was not at the funeral. He was lying sick. Gathering his last strength, he stood up and from the window of his chambers mournfully looked at the sad funeral procession. Father Nikolai was not at the funeral either. He was in the hospital. Bedridden by a serious illness, he, with a heart filled with great grief, listened to the mournful, soul-grabbing funeral chime and the powerful roar of the nine-hundred-pound monastery bell. He was sick with rheumatic carditis, that is, acute rheumatic inflammation of the joints and heart. Father Nikolai spent a long time in the hospital. Only a month after the burial of the Elder, he came out from there. And his first steps, weak and uncertain, were directed towards his dear grave. Here is a white marble cross over the grave of Elder Anatoly. And nearby, closer to the church, there is a fresh mound of earth, covered with spruce branches, and a tall wooden cross with an unquenchable lamp. A spreading apple tree bloomed pink and white not far from the grave. Its petals, crumbling under the light breath of the spring breeze, lay like snow on the young tender grass and on the uncovered head of Father Nikolai, who fell prostrate to the dear grave. And he remembered the words of the Elder, spoken to him once: “When I lie in the damp ground, you will come to my grave, pray for my soul and say: “Dear Father! He really loved me." Then you will be orphaned, my child, you will be orphaned...” It was May. The sun was shining cheerfully from the azure sky. Everything around was green, young, beautiful, everything pleased the eyes. Due to great sorrow, Father Nikolai saw nothing. Everything darkened and dimmed in his eyes. From the consciousness that the Elder was no longer alive, that his body was lying in the damp ground, that the kind, love-filled eyes of the Elder would never look at him from under his glasses, that his voice would never sound, that a sweet, childish smile would never illuminate his holy face - his heart bled and sobs burst from his chest. And to top it all off, because of his illness, he was deprived of the opportunity to even say goodbye to the Elder and give him his last kiss. Father Nikolai's grief knew no bounds... The Lord, who wisely organizes our lives, the lives of people on earth, has given us a wonderful healer of all sorrow, all hardship and sadness - time. Time heals all wounds, reduces the most burning pain, softens the most severe mental suffering and opens eyes to many things that were once misunderstood... Time passed. The bleeding wound in the heart of Father Nikolai, over the course of healing time, gradually closed, the grief of the soul for the lost mentor softened, and all the difficult experiences of those days were smoothed out. But never, until his very death, did he forget his dear Elder. For him, the Elder was as if alive. He served Father Nikolai as a guiding star, indicating the right path in all cases of life. By the 40th day from the death of Elder Barsanuphius, with the direct participation of Father Nicholas, Optina Pustyn published a small book of forty-six pages under the title: “In memory of the Optina Elder Schema-Archimandrite Barsanuphius. “A wreath for Father’s grave from his spiritual children and admirers on the 40th day of his blessed death.” The book briefly described the life of the deceased Elder, his labors, illness, death and burial. At the end, in a mourning frame, an appeal was printed, apparently compiled by Father Nikolai, with the following content: “Optina Pustyn is currently preoccupied with collecting materials for compiling a biography of the deceased Elder. Therefore, she earnestly asks everyone who has any information about his life and activities, about cases of the grace-filled effect of his prayer, about his insight, about his written and oral instructions, as well as about his life before entering the monastery, to report this to the address: the city of Kozelsk, Kaluga province, Optina Pustyn, to the monastery leader Hieromonk Theodosius.” On the 40th day from the death of Elder Barsanuphius, May 10, his spiritual children - clergy, monastics and laity - came from different places in Russia to prayerfully honor the memory of their dear and unforgettable father and mentor, thereby fulfilling the duty of Christian love. On the eve of this day, a funeral all-night vigil was served, during which a word was spoken by the head of the monastery and temporary deputy of the sick Father Archimandrite, Hieromonk Father Theodosius. In it, in brief words, the whole bright personality of the deceased Elder was outlined, his works for the benefit of the monastery, his great obedience to the Church of Christ, his rare gift of penetration into the souls of the repentant and the grace-filled influence on them. This word, on behalf of his superiors, was composed by Father Nikolai. Back in November 1912, on the day of the centennial anniversary of the birth of the great elder Ambrose, he also composed a corresponding word, also pronounced by Father Theodosius. The monastery authorities have long appreciated both Father Nikolai’s education and his gift for conveying his thoughts and feelings briefly, simply and intelligibly. Some time after the death of Elder Barsanuphius, through the efforts of his admirers, with the active participation of Father Nicholas, an elegant chapel was erected over the graves of elders Anatoly and Barsanuphius. The top of the chapel was decorated with a gilded dome, shining merrily under the rays of the sun. A mysterious half-light streamed through the colored glass windows into the interior of the chapel. A wooden cross with the image of the Crucified Savior stood at the eastern wall of the chapel. An unquenchable lamp glowed before him, illuminating the Divine Face and the faces of the Mother of God and St. Barsanuphius of Tver. To the right is a white marble cross and a tombstone over the grave of the elder Hieroschemamonk Anatoly. To the left - the same white marble tomb covered the grave of Elder Barsanuphius. On the tomb was carved in gold the inscription: “God’s good and perfect will be done.” On the outside of the chapel, facing the Vvedensky Cathedral, there is an inscription: “Elder Schema-Archimandrite Barsanuphius, in the world Colonel Pavel Ivanovich Plikhankov. From the hereditary nobles of the Orenburg province. Born July 5, 1845. Entered the Skete in 1891. In 1907 he was appointed abbot, head of the monastery and fraternal confessor. In 1912, he was appointed rector of the Kolomna Staro-Golutvin Monastery, with his elevation to the rank of archimandrite. He reposed in the Lord on April 1, 1913, at the age of 68.” On the other walls of the chapel are the following inscriptions: “Rest, O Lord, the soul of Thy servant in the villages of the righteous.” – “Pray without ceasing. Give thanks in everything” (1 Thessalonians 5:17–18). – “He who endures to the end will be saved” (Mark 13:13). - “I have endured the Lord, and he has listened to me and heard my prayer” (Ps. 39:2). You followed my teaching, life, greetings, faith, longsuffering, love, patience, suffering, exile... Very little information has been preserved about the life of Father Nicholas in the monastery. He interrupted his diary after the catastrophe that separated him from Elder Barsanuphius and so changed his life 24. In the diary he wrote down mainly the instructions of the Elder, but when the Elder passed away, the need to keep notes disappeared. He had neither the desire nor the time to describe his current life, which was always essentially monotonous. He himself did not like to talk about himself, about his feelings, thoughts and experiences. What is known with certainty is that he was always and in everything like God’s servant. This was an excellent example not only for young, but also for old monks who had lived in the monastery for decades. This was a high example of unconditional obedience, unfeigned humility, exceptional peace with everyone, firmness and courage, not wavering before flattery or threats, and exemplary conscientiousness in the performance of one’s duties. Serious beyond his years, thoughtful and at the same time always joyful, even in those distant years, he attracted everyone’s attention. Everyone saw and understood without words that Father Nikolai was not an ordinary monk, of which there are many. The foundation laid in the soul of Father Nicholas by Elder Barsanuphius was built firmly and reliably. Throughout his entire life in the monastery - in his quiet cell, in the church, in obedience, everywhere and always, on this indestructible foundation, he laid more and more new stones, built his spiritual home for the glory of God. He continually grew spiritually. He worked as a clerk in the monastery office, Father Nikolai was busy from morning until late evening, excluding, of course, liturgical hours. Several times a day he had to go from the monastery to the monastery and back on various matters of the monastery, because the new monastery commander was not yet experienced enough. When Father Archimandrite fell ill with his dying disease, he was temporarily replaced by the head of the Skete, Father Theodosius. It was at this time, out of necessity, that Father Nikolai had to reveal himself not only as a careful and efficient clerk, but also as a highly energetic, active assistant in all practical affairs of the monastery. For Archimandrite Xenophon, the loss of such a wise, irreplaceable adviser and assistant as the late Elder Barsanuphius was extremely regrettable. Father Nikolai, thanks to his practical abilities, soon became, according to the generally accepted expression, the “right hand” of the sick Archimandrite and, in turn, was irreplaceable. The distrust that Father Archimandrite once showed towards Father Nicholas when he refused to accept him into the Skete in 1907 has long disappeared (he was accepted only at the convincing petition of Elder Barsanuphius. The Elder himself once told the novice Nikolai that “if I had not been the boss, you would not have been accepted into the Skete”). Father Archimandrite highly valued his young, gifted assistant. By the end of their work together, the official relationship between them was replaced by a warm and lasting affection. So time passed. The difficult year of 1914 came. In July of this year, the terrible news spread throughout the country, to its most remote and remote corners: “War!” She also flew to Optina Pustyn. The war with Germany and the states allied with it brought many changes to the quiet, measured life of the monastery. Many of the young novices went to the front. At the same time, brother Ivan Belyaev went to war with them. When the late Elder Barsanuphius was transferred to the Golutvin Monastery, brother Ivan left with him and was with him until the Elder’s death, acting as his personal clerk. When the Elder died, he, together with the novices Gregory and Kirill, returned to the Optina Hermitage Skete for his former sexton obedience. Due to his shortsightedness, he was exempt from military duty and was not subject to conscription. Inflamed by the desire for exploits, he voluntarily went to the front as a brother of mercy (orderly). The sick father Archimandrite released him on 25. Here an event occurred in Ivan’s life that decided his entire future fate. On a hospital train heading to the scene of hostilities, he met a sister of mercy and, by God’s permission, was so captivated by her that he forgot everything... The end of this story was very regrettable. Ivan, together with the girl he loved, returned from the front to Moscow and married her... Where is the burning of the soul for God? Where is the young, ardent and sincere desire for monastic life, life in God?.. - “The spirit passes through him, and he will not be, and no one will know his place.” (Ps.102) Father Nikolai, having received news from Moscow about his brother’s marriage, was amazed at his unexpected, sad act. Arriving at Skete, he shared his grief with Father Theodosius. He, after listening to Father Nikolai, said that he did not know his brother Ivan Belyaev. Of course, he knew him well and could not soon forget. Several times Father Nikolai explained to him that this was his brother, that he was a monk at the monastery and carried out the sexton’s obedience, that he had recently left for the front. Father Theodosius listened and listened and... after a significant pause, he said: “No, I don’t know him...” Then Father Nikolai understood everything. For Father Theodosius, a very spiritually minded monk, “monk” Ivan did not exist. For Nikolai’s father, his brother’s act was so regrettable that for the rest of his life, this painful memory darkened his bright and pure soul. It is possible that he was also burdened by the consciousness that he, perhaps, did not make enough efforts to strengthen his younger brother on his chosen path. On August 30 of the same year, 1914, after a serious illness (liver cancer), Archimandrite Xenophon, 67 years old, died. He was buried in the Kazan Cathedral. After his death, the magazine “Helmsman” published an article - an obituary with a photograph, written by Ivan Belyaev. After the death of Archimandrite Xenophon, Hieromonk Isaac was elected and confirmed as rector of Optina Pustyn. Due to his exemplary, truly monastic life, he was fully worthy to occupy such a high post. He was very tall, impressive and handsome in appearance, he was simple, like a child, and at the same time wise with spiritual wisdom. Its simplicity sometimes reached the point of curiosity. Father Nikolai, later Father Nikon, who always warmly recalled his joint labors with Archimandrite Isaac, once, smiling, told his spiritual children how at one meeting, when the question was being decided - how much money to allocate for donations to those affected by the war, Father Archimandrite, turning to the older brethren, throwing up his hands in bewilderment, said: “Little is little, but much is a lot...” Father Nikolai greatly respected and revered him even in In difficult situations in my personal life, I always turned to him for advice. In 1915, on May 24, on the day of remembrance of the Monk Simeon of Divnogorets, Father Nikolai was tonsured into the mantle. During his tonsure, he was given a new name - Nikon, in honor of the holy martyr Nikon, remembered by the Church on September 28. The newly tonsured Father Nikon was 27 years old. Less than a year later, on April 10, 1916, Father Nikon was ordained to the first degree of the priesthood, to the rank of hierodeacon. It was noticed by all the brethren and pilgrims that Father Nikon served very well from the very first days. Evenly, calmly and at the same time animatedly, he uttered the appropriate exclamations, reverently and with the fear of God standing with the serving hieromonk at the throne of God. When he was subsequently asked why he served so well from the very beginning, assuming that he had prepared for initiation in advance, Father Nikon replied: - No. Before being ordained as a hierodeacon, I had never read the missal because I didn’t know if I was worthy to be a priest. I began reading it when I was ordained a hierodeacon. The brothers taught me to serve. I listened to everything that was said to me, and even asked that my shortcomings in the ministry be pointed out to me. Listening to their instructions, I then subjected them to reasoning and accepted what suited me. Once a protodeacon from Kaluga served with us in Optina. I asked him to show me how to serve. He asked me: “Have you read the “Teaching News”? I replied: “Yes, I read it.” “So I have nothing more to tell you,” he replied. Then I was very dissatisfied with the archdeacon’s answer, but then, reading this book carefully, I understood why he answered me that way, and I was very grateful to him. From this book, “Teaching News,” I learned that when performing divine services, it is important not to shout loudly and beautifully, but to serve with reverence. The war dragged on. By the end of 1916, there was a noticeable shortage of everything vital. Prices for everything have gone up. Optina Pustyn was subjected to all the hardships and difficulties along with the entire country. There weren't enough workers. We had to resort to hired force. The monastery's budget has been reduced. Despite this, the Optinskaya monastery willingly responded to all appeals and requests for help to those affected by the war and did not skimp on donations to various charitable societies, reducing its needs to a minimum. With the influx of refugees from Poland and Belarus, the monastery was asked to provide premises for them. This order from the authorities greatly agitated Father Archimandrite and the older brethren. Where to put fifty refugees? It was decided to give away one of the hotels. Among the refugees who settled there, cases of epidemic diseases (typhoid and typhus) appeared. The monastery was forced to vacate one of the hospital buildings for them. At the end of the war, another hotel was occupied by a shelter for orphaned children. The world with its bustle was clearly invading the monastery. But its inhabitants were part of the country, part of the suffering people, and together with everyone else they experienced all the severity and sorrow of the consequences of the war, realizing that “if one oud suffers, then all ouds suffer with it”... (1 Cor. 12:26) Their lives, in essence, did not change. Services of God were still performed in the churches of the monastery and Skete, and the brethren still worked in obedience, working out their salvation. The terrible and fatal year 1917 came. The revolution thundered. Everything old was crumbling. Power over the exhausted country was taken by a party of godless atheists adhering to a materialistic worldview. In anticipation of the inevitably coming changes, the Optina monks quietly and unnoticed continued to live in the monastery. They had already received news of the closure of churches and monasteries and the confiscation of their property. The old, centuries-old building of the Russian state collapsed. Construction of the new building has not yet begun. “Devastation” has arrived, the inevitable consequence of everything destroyed—chaos of rubble. The country was going through incredible difficulties. The war with the interventionists, who had encircled the entire country, absorbed all the meager funds of the country, exhausted by the previous years. Hunger, an acute shortage of the basic necessities of life, repression, epidemics of typhus and other diseases tormented the country. In the very first years after the revolution, most of the monasteries were already closed, primarily the “regular” monasteries, for the simple reason that due to lack of means of subsistence, the brethren scattered throughout the country, leaving their monasteries to the will of God. Optina Pustyn, just like some other cenobitic monasteries, steadfastly endured all the hardships, all the oppression and oppression. The monastery was not immediately destroyed. Gradually, first the mills, then the brick and sawmills, which brought significant income to the monastery, were confiscated. Then the forest belonging to the monastery, fisheries, meadows, vegetable gardens, orchards and livestock were selected. The apiary suffered the same fate, and along with it, the Skete, in which it was planned to build a “rest home.” The situation of the monastery was critical. He was deprived of the main sources of livelihood. But the Optina monks were not at a loss. From the remaining able-bodied monks, an “agricultural artel” was organized, of course, with the permission of the civil authorities. The allocated artels, part of the vegetable gardens, orchards, meadows and livestock, minimally provided for the material needs of the monks. And as before, Divine services were performed in the churches of the monastery; the brethren still worked, relying on the mercy and goodness of God, placing the monastery and themselves in the hands of God. On November 3, 1917, on the day of remembrance of the Holy Great Martyr George the Victorious, Father Nikon was ordained to the rank of hieromonk. With the onset of manhood (he was 29 years old), Nikon’s father’s health became stronger. Apparently, no trace remained of the painful state that he experienced in the last years of his life in the Skete. The only thing that bothered him was his sore leg. As before, he found it difficult to endure long church services. He often sat down. Sometimes the dilated veins of the sore leg became inflamed and a wound opened, causing serious suffering. In such cases, he lay in bed for a long time, unable to move. He always endured his illness calmly and complacently, never complaining to anyone. He still worked as a clerk in the office, but officially not of the “monastery”, but of the agricultural artel “Optina Pustyn”. During this difficult and formidable time, Father Nikon’s administrative and economic abilities developed to their full extent. Young, full of unspent strength and energy, he worked zealously, having the highest goal of his labors to glorify the name of God on earth. To preserve the monastery until the last possible opportunity was what this holy and lofty goal prompted him to do. “I will die instead of leaving,” he once wrote in his diary in the days of his youth. Father Nikon never desired or sought positions of authority. His cherished desire was the quiet, world-denying life of an ascetic. But the Lord was pleased to lead His chosen one along a different path. Legally, he was obedient in clerical work, but in fact, somehow by itself and not without the will of God, it turned out that the decisive vote in this or that matter of the monastery, and then the agricultural artel, belonged to him. “The lamp of my feet is Your law and the light of my paths.” (Ps.118) This psalm saying accompanied Father Nikon in all his affairs. The law of God, His holy commandments were clearly written in his heart. Following them alone, he formed his judgments and was guided by them alone, regardless of the confused and contradictory judgments of others. The firmness and perseverance he repeatedly demonstrated, based on the correctness of God’s commandments, but not on the shaky fabrications of men, gave rise to discontent among some of the brethren. Basically, the group of those dissatisfied with Father Nikon consisted of those monks who once had an unkind attitude towards the deceased elder Barsanuphius. Their critical and distrustful attitude transferred by inertia to the Elder’s favorite student, Father Nikon, and the firmness shown by him and the favorable attitude of Father Archimandrite towards him aggravated the strained relations that had arisen. The group of these monks was small, but almost all of them had weight in the management of the monastery. Some of them were also outraged by the fact that the most correct judgments on this or that issue belonged not to them, the old, experienced monks, but to the young Father Nikon, not yet thirty years old. The saying of one holy father is quite applicable here: “They hated him for virtues which they themselves did not have and which they could not imitate”... As Father Nikon often recalled, experiencing all this, the prophetic words of his dear elder Barsanuphius: – You will see the day of cruelty... Mark my words... You will have to shed a lot of sweat, blood and tears... And my baby will come to my grave and say to me: “Dear daddy, Father Barsanuphius! Help me, pray for me, it’s very difficult for me!..” “The Lord looks at the heart of man.” (1 Samuel 16:7) His heart was pure and free from all guile. And his intentions were good, and the Lord kisses even intentions. Subsequently, he more than once told his spiritual children that “one must live in such a way that one’s entire life is surrounded by an iron ring of God’s commandments, and not only every undertaking, but also every word must be checked to see if it is in accordance with God’s law.” This is what he wrote to one of his spiritual children, recalling his experience: “All this is in the past. But neither the past, nor the present, nor the future can force me to change my decisions, for they are based on the word of God, on the commandments of the Gospel and the rules of the Church. I am a monk, and a monk is the fulfiller of all the commandments of God. Neither reprimands, nor threats, nor even death should force a monk to despise the commandment of God. My sinful heart is touched by the words of the psalm: “I am Thine, save me, for I have sought the justification of Thy.” (Ps. 119:94) I speak them to the Lord when people or my thoughts threaten me in the performance of my monastic duty. Be the will of the Lord!..” And the world hates them, because they are not of the world. All who want to live piously will be persecuted. From the very beginning of the revolution, the Orthodox Church experienced great persecution and oppression. One after another, monasteries and churches were closed. They were used as “rest houses”, sanatoriums, clubs, cinemas, libraries, or they were simply used as warehouses. During the years of devastation, the churches that remained open experienced an acute need for the most necessary things to perform divine services. There was no wheat flour for baking prosphora, red wine necessary for the Liturgy (there were cases when it was replaced with cherry juice), incense, candles, and oil. The number of parishioners assigned to one church or another decreased every day. Many, very many, even the elderly, not to mention the youth, left the Church. Some revolutionary-minded youth organized groups of “militant atheists.” Having the goal of destroying the Christian faith in the shortest possible time, on major holidays they organized blasphemous processions through the streets in vestments stolen from closed churches, and in general committed all sorts of outrages and outrages against everything sacred. To top it all off, according to government orders, all “valuables” were “removed” from the churches. Special commissions selected gold and silver vessels, church utensils, crosses, and stripped silver vestments and frames from icons. The desecrated Church was going through a difficult time. The avalanche of disasters that befell her swept away everything sacred in its path. Bishops, priests, monks and all people close to the Church in spirit were subjected to severe persecution. Under the guise of “counter-revolutionaries,” they were arrested, subjected to all kinds of insults and mockery, even beatings, imprisoned, shot, exiled to remote places of the country, mainly to the Far North or Siberia, forced to perform backbreaking work under bestial living conditions and on starvation rations. A great many martyrs for the faith ended their suffering lives and laid down their bones in a country unknown to anyone. It was a terrible time. One involuntarily recalls the prophetic words spoken by Elder Barsanuphius long before the revolution to his disciple, Father Nikon: - The monasteries will be in great persecution and oppression... The time will come when Optina will be hard... True Christians will huddle in small churches... Perhaps you will live to see the times when Christians will be tortured again, and their torment will be like the ancients... We will then leave, and you will be a participant and contemporary of all these horrors... You will live to see terrible times... Mark my words, what you will see the day is fierce... These words sounded mysterious and menacing in the mouth of the Elder. And now - they came true... On September 17, 1919, on the day of the Angel of his mother, Vera Lavrentievna, Father Nikon, returning after the Liturgy to his cell, was unexpectedly arrested and imprisoned in the Kozelsk prison without charge. Preparing for possible death, he wrote a touching letter to his mother from prison, in which, among other things, he wrote that he was arrested only because “he is a monk” and because he “worked for the monastery.” After some time, Father Nikon was released and again continued to work for the glory of God in his native monastery. On March 9, 1920, the last head of the Optina Hermitage Skete, schema-abbot Theodosius, died. His remains were buried near the southern wall of the right side chapel of the Vvedensky Cathedral. Above the grave stood a modest, wooden, white cross with a brief inscription. On July 30, 1922, after being ill for a little over a year, Elder Hieroschemamonk Anatoly, the so-called “Little One,” ended his earthly life. People called him that because he was short in stature, unlike the previously deceased elder Anatoly Zertsalov. Early in the morning, his cell attendant, Father Evstigney, noticing that the Elder was completely weakened, ran to the treasurer Father Panteleimon, the former senior paramedic. When the two of them entered the cell, the Elder was on his knees, bowing his head on his bed, and was already dead. Elder Anatoly was buried in the same chapel with elders Ambrose and Joseph, having changed it somewhat. A tombstone was also erected over his grave, but, alas, it was no longer marble, but wooden, painted with white paint. The inscription on the tomb read: “Of this, everyone understands that you are My disciples, if you have love for each other.” (John 13:35) - “He who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” (1 John 4:16) The deceased Elder was a skete hieromonk. And then he was still very popular. He was constantly called outside the gates of the Skete by numerous visitors and visitors who wanted to talk with him. When the fraternal confessor, hieroschemamonk Father Savva, died in the monastery, and his cell at the Church of the Vladimir Mother of God became vacant, Father Anatoly was transferred there in 1908. Shortly before his death, in connection with the opening of a museum in Optina, he moved to the so-called Potapovsky building - a small house near the south-eastern tower. He was a wondrous Elder, deeply revered and loved by everyone. He was completely filled with unusually warm love for everyone without exception. The orphaned spiritual children of the late Father Anatoly came under the leadership of the last Optina elder, Father Nektary. All the remaining monastic brethren, most of the sisters of the Shamordino monastery, also living out its last days under the guise of an “agricultural artel,” and many others, local and visitors, had him as their spiritual father and elder. Exhausted under the burden of the sorrows that befell him, the Elder lovingly received everyone who came to him. Although the Skete no longer existed, the Elder continued to live and receive people in his “hut”, to the right of the Holy Gate. During the Great Lent of 1923, Elder Nektarios was arrested. The old man was sick and weak. Despite this, he was put in a sleigh and taken to Kozelsk. He was accompanied by one of the brothers, and his spiritual children, mostly nuns, who were there at that time, accompanied the Elder to the monastery border, where the alley of old willow trees ends. The sick Elder was soon transferred from prison to the Kozelsk hospital and placed in a separate room. At the door of his new home there was a sentry with a gun... He was arrested only on suspicion, but mainly because numerous visitors constantly came and came to him. In mid-spring, Elder Nektary was released from the hospital and allowed to live in Kozelsk, having previously taken a written undertaking from him not to leave the Kozelsk district and forbidden him to receive people. The elder was sheltered by a pious family, but he did not live with them for long. Suddenly, without warning anyone and without saying goodbye to almost anyone, he and his cell attendant left to visit one of his spiritual sons, a farmer. He did not explain the reason for his sudden departure to anyone. There is reason to think that, knowing that he was under the supervision of those in power and bound by an order not to accept anyone, the Elder could not have acted otherwise. Many, regardless of anything, not taking into account the current situation, and some simply out of ignorance continued to visit the Elder in Kozelsk. The elder, remembering the words of the Gospel: “He who comes to me I will not cast out” (John 6:37) could not refuse those who came, and at the same time was bound by the order not to accept anyone. A more reliable reason for his sudden departure can be considered the fact that, as it later turned out, the impetus for his flight from Kozelsk was an order from his superiors to leave the Kaluga province. The Elder also did not live long with his spiritual son, a farmer. He settled not far from the farm, almost on the border of the Kaluga province, in the village of Kholmishchi, Bryansk province. Here the Elder, gradually weakening, lived for about five years. On April 29, 1928, he quietly departed from this temporary, sad life into eternal life. In a secluded village cemetery, under the shade of birches, the last Optina elder, Hieroschemamonk Nektariy, was buried. Despite the long distance and the inconvenience of communication, the grave of the Elder has not been forgotten 26. Every year, mainly in the summer months, his former spiritual children, local and visiting, come to his dear grave. Sometimes, if possible, funeral services are held. A depression was made at the foot of the grave mound. Having asked for blessings and holy prayers, they take sand, replenished by someone’s caring hand, just as they once took sand from the tombstones of the elders in Optina Pustyn. All this is touching and at the same time edifying. The sacred words involuntarily come to mind: “The righteous shall live by faith...” (Hab.2:4) In the fall of 1922, apparently in response to a letter from his mother, who was worried about him at that terrible time, Father Nikon wrote her a long letter, which, as he himself put it at the end, “poured out of his heart.” At the beginning of the letter, he briefly describes his life, writing that “he works somewhat in writing, and is very busy with various matters relating to the monastery, or, rather, what remains of the monastery. He serves before the throne of God. Sings in the choir." While calming her down, he wrote, among other things, that “he had not yet experienced sorrows affecting him personally,” that “until now all sorrowful experiences had not caused him acute heartache. And if there were sorrows, they were for reasons relating to people close to him.” “I do not close my eyes to what is happening and to the future,” he writes further, “and I try to be ready for everything, so that I can say in the words of the psalm: “Let us be prepared and not be troubled.” (Ps. 119:60) The ways of God's Providence are incomprehensible to us. We cannot understand them. Therefore, with all humility I surrender to the will of God. By surrendering myself and everything to the will of God, I find peace in my soul. I firmly believe that everything is in God’s hands... I look forward to the life of the next century...” By the time described, there were few monks left in Optina Pustyn. Many left the monastery even before the final closure of the monastery. Particularly noticeable was the absence of young novices and monks. Apparently, they were not satisfied with work in the “agricultural artel”, because they had to work a lot and the requirements were strict. Because of this, those working in the artel did not always have the opportunity to participate in church services, and there was very little time left for cell prayer. Of the young people, only one brother, Ilya Zhirnov, remained until the end (later Hieromonk John; died in exile). It was he who held the staff during the last services of Bishop Micah. The remaining monks, most of them elderly, firmly decided not to leave the monastery until the last opportunity, until they were driven out. Everyone lived in fear. Every day and every hour they expected everything - exile, arrest, prison, exile, death... The fermentation that arose in the early 20s among individual representatives of the Russian Church, which led to schism and disunity, aggravated the grief of the Optina monks, who firmly adhered to Orthodoxy and the rule of the holy fathers. The Renovationist, or “living” church, led predominantly by the “white clergy,” initially attracted the interest of some of the less firmly religious Christians. They were mainly attracted by the novelty. The founders of the schism set out to renew and revive the Church on their own, clearly violating the rules of the Ecumenical and local councils, rejecting their decisions and introducing their own “new rules.” They made married bishops, second-married priests, services in Russian, a supposedly more understandable language, weakening of fasts and many other changes, based on the fact that church rules are outdated and do not correspond to the spirit of the times, and therefore do not affect the minds and hearts of Christians. The civil authorities clearly patronized the “renovationists,” who were causing disunity, confusion and disorder in the Orthodox Church. The Renovation Church did not last long. Gradually becoming impoverished, it ended its existence in the early 30s, having existed no more than a decade, and, like a cut branch from a healthy tree, rotten, not bearing fruit, withered, withered and turned to dust. In his above-mentioned letter to his mother, Father Nikon recalls the instructions of the late elder Barsanuphius: “The Apostle bequeaths: “Test yourself, are you in the faith?...” (2 Cor. 13:5) “I have passed away, but I have kept the faith. And now a crown is already being prepared for me.” ( 2 Tim. 4:7-8 ) It is a great thing to preserve and keep the faith. Therefore, I say to you: test yourself, are you in the faith? If you keep the faith, then you can have good faith in your fate. He advised, among other things, to read Metropolitan Philaret’s “Orthodox Catechism” and “Confession of the Orthodox Faith of the Eastern Patriarchs.” Now, when the foundations of the Orthodox Church have been shaken, I see how precious the Elder’s instruction is. Now the time has come to test whether we are in the faith? Faith can be maintained by those who ardently and sincerely believe, to whom God is dearest. Only those who keep themselves from all sin, according to the Gospel word, can preserve faith: “The light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil...” (John 3:19). In 1923, the Optina Pustyn agricultural artel, under the guise of which the monastery somehow managed to survive, closed. The former monastery came under the jurisdiction of Glavnauka and, as a historical monument, was named: “Museum “Optina Pustyn”. The monastery did not have any historical or architectural landmarks, but its name was closely associated with the names of outstanding Russian writers, who are still famous worldwide. The flower of Russian culture, its most prominent representatives, along with the mass of the common people, flocked here, to this quiet monastery, far from the noise of the world, to the elders. What attracted them here if not the search for truth? Invisibly, but tangibly overshadowed by grace, the monastery with its elders had a beneficial effect on their souls and minds, enlightening them with the light of Divine truth. Leo Tolstoy visited the elders Ambrose and then Joseph several times in Optina Pustyn. Once he even came on foot from Yasnaya Polyana and stayed not in a hotel, as always, but in a “hospital”, along with ordinary pilgrims. (By the way, Elder Ambrose once said about him: “The Count is proud. This is his ruin...”) N.V. Gogol also repeatedly visited Elder Macarius in Optina, corresponded with him, and it is possible that communication with the elder made a decisive turning point in his soul. The museum preserved, framed under glass, his original letters to Elder Macarius as exhibits. The poet A.K. Tolstoy was also in Optina. Under the impression of this trip, he wrote the poem “John of Damascus,” an excerpt from which “I bless you, forests...” is well known to everyone in vocal performance. The famous writer-publicist I.V. Kireevsky and his brother P.V. Kireevsky, a collector of Russian folk songs, were great admirers and spiritual children of Elder Macarius. I.V. did a lot of charity to the monastery. Kireevsky, mainly assisting in the publishing of books, lived there for a long time, and when he and his brother died in 1856, they were buried behind the altar of the Vvedensky Cathedral, behind the graves of elders Leo and Macarius. The Slavophile writer K. N. Leontyev often came for a long time. Then he built himself a house on the territory bordering the farmyard, and lived in it until the death of Elder Ambrose. Subsequently, in this house, until the museum was liquidated, the famous graphic artist L. A. Bruni, the spiritual son of Elder Nektarios, lived with his family. The writer F. M. Dostoevsky was also in Optina Pustyn. Inspired by the Optina spirit, the great writer-psychologist wrote his famous novel The Brothers Karamazov. Anyone who lived in Optina Pustyn and Kozelsk will immediately recognize in this novel the description of the city, the monastery and the Skete. Elder Ambrose served as the writer’s prototype for creating the image of Elder Zosima. But the typical features of Elder Ambrose eluded the writer. He couldn't pass them on. The museum kept a photograph of a certain monk Philaret, a former paramedic at the monastery hospital, with a young, handsome, spiritual face. F. M. Dostoevsky saw him as a very young novice and, delighted with his charming appearance, took him to create the image of Alyosha Karamazov, one of the most sympathetic heroes of the novel. The churches, cemetery, refectory and all other buildings of the monastery, as well as the Skete, in which it was never possible to arrange a “rest house,” came under the jurisdiction of the museum. Seventy hectares of the beautiful monastic ancient forest also became the property of the museum and was declared a state reserve. This forest, according to experts, was the only one in central Russia where relict plants were preserved, that is, those remaining after the Ice Age. The monastery buildings, which previously housed the brethren, were occupied by an “orphanage”, a museum office and apartments for employees and workers of the “semkhoz”, timber mill and museum. Most of the premises were rented out by the museum in the summer season as apartments to summer residents, which brought in considerable income. In the former refectory, a department of textiles was set up (the exhibits were mainly vestments taken from the monastery sacristy and carpets from the Shamordino desert) and a department of flora and fauna, which was rather poor. In the Skete, the cell of Elder Ambrose, according to the instructions of the former cell attendant Elder Nektarios, father of Sebastian, was restored to its original form, both inside and out. About ten or fifteen monks were left as workers and guards at the museum. Everyone else was ordered to leave the monastery and go anywhere. With great sorrow, the Optina monks left the dear monastery, with which they had become close over the long years of their stay in it. Most moved to Kozelsk. Some settled in the nearest villages: Stenino and Nizhnie Pryski. Few left for their homeland. Bishop Micah, Archimandrite Isaac, Hieromonk Dosifei (brotherly confessor after the retired elder Nektarios) and other older brethren settled in apartments in Kozelsk. At the insistent request of the peasants of the village of Stenino, closest to the monastery, the Kazan Warm Church was left in Optina for worship. Monks were allowed to serve in this church: “Pray as much as you want, but you will not have premises here. Go from the city, from the village, from anywhere,” - this is what the authorities told them. Father Nikon, along with some other monks, as a member of the partnership of the former “agricultural artel,” was not required to leave the monastery until the affairs of the artel were completely liquidated and all property was handed over to the museum. Archimandrite Isaac, having served the Liturgy at the cathedral for the last time, turning to Father Nikon, said: - Father Nikon! We're leaving, but you stay. The pilgrims will come. I bless you to serve in church and receive those who come to confession. And Father Seraphim will remain with you as hierodeacon. Father Nikon was invited to be a parish priest in both cities and villages, for many already knew about him as an outstanding clergyman. And the residents of the village of Stenino, regular visitors to the monastery, begged him not to leave Optina. Father Nikon had a desire not to leave the monastery until the last opportunity. He accepted Father Archimandrite’s blessing to serve in the Kazan Church as a manifestation of God’s will, and refused invitations to the parish. And so, almost every day, together with hierodeacon Father Seraphim, who had recently been ordained, Father Nikon performed Divine services in the Optina Kazan Church. At that time he lived in one of the towers on the second floor. And next to him, in a separate cell, was Father Seraphim. The brethren who moved to Kozelsk and nearby villages often came to Optina, to the church. They served, sang, read. As was said above, Father Nikon never desired or sought leadership positions. But by the will of God, it was he who had to be the last to leave his dear, native abode. He was entrusted with the church and the keys to it. And he served in it until his last day. Believers, seeking spiritual consolation and in need of advice, continued to flock to Optina Pustyn. And, as if blessed from above for a difficult and saving feat, Father Nikon took upon himself not only the responsibility of a confessor, but also an elder. He was very strict with himself. Until the time when Father Archimandrite left him to serve in Optina and instructed him to receive pilgrims, he did not dare to give advice to those who turned to him. And only after the blessing of Father Archimandrite did he begin to accept the people. And when he gave advice, he, fearing the appearance of vanity, always referred to the words of the Optina elders. Only later, made wise by the grace of God, when he advised something, he based his words on the words of the Gospel, Psalm and on the sayings of the holy fathers of the Church. One of his sincerely devoted spiritual daughters, the Shamordin nun Ambrosia, recalling that time, told what a bright impression Father Nikon made on her when she first saw him. “Requiem services for the deceased elders were mostly served by the young Father Nikon, always strict and focused. I thought, looking at him: here is a true ascetic monk! After the funeral service, pilgrims turned to him with various questions. Sometimes a few words reached me. Someone said: “Yes it is!” “It never happens,” came Father Nikon’s answer. “How good it is to face death with prayer! And for this you need to get used to it while you’re healthy”; “How to bear sorrows? Rely on the will of God. And think about those who consider the culprits, as St. Mark the Ascetic wrote, that they are only instruments of our salvation...” Father Nikon’s words made a strong impression on me. And I remembered a story I once read about a captain who, when his ship sank, stood on the captain’s bridge and prayed until all the sailors were saved on boats and other objects. Suddenly he saw the heavens opening up and in them, in an indescribable light, Christ the Savior... This story involuntarily came to my mind when I stood behind everyone and looked at Father Nikon" ... A little earlier than Optina Pustyn, the “agricultural artel” in the Shamorda women’s desert also closed. Some of the nuns dispersed, the rest also moved to Kozelsk, closer to the Optina residents. Nun Ambrosia, together with three sisters who were close to her, settled in Kozelsk. She was a nun of a very high spiritual dispensation, clearly illuminated by the light of the truth of Christ and deeply accepted the holy precepts of the Gospel. Just as everything bright attracts the gaze, so the personality of the nun Ambrosia, with an unknown force, attracted the hearts of those sincerely seeking salvation. Soon after she was installed in Kozelsk, several more sisters joined her to live together, wishing to lead a monastic life under her leadership. Thus a small community was formed. In addition, many of the nuns and pious laypeople who came to Kozelsk stayed with her, and some of them lived for a long time. Father Nikon, when he still lived in Optina, often came to Mother Ambrosia in her self-established community, confessed those preparing for Holy Communion, gave advice, instructed, warned, consoled... In the same year, 1923, Father Nikon was very ill and lay in bed for more than a month with a very high fever. He had thrombophlebitis of his sore leg. He was treated by Doctor A.V. Kazansky, who served as a doctor in the former monastery hospital, and Mother Ambrosia, also a doctor by profession. During Father Nikon's illness, services in the church were performed by another hieromonk, appointed by Father Archimandrite. Mother Ambrosia did not leave the sick person and during her illness she was placed in a neighboring cell in the same tower. She carefully and carefully treated him, protecting his peace in every possible way. And when his temperature dropped and his condition improved somewhat, he again began, albeit while lying in bed, to receive those who came to him. In August 1923, rumors began to spread about the imminent closure of the last church in Optina Pustyn. Soon these rumors came true, and on the Feast of the Transfiguration of the Lord the Kazan Church was closed and its doors were boarded up. Father Nikon continued to live in Optina and receive everyone who wanted to talk with him, but he was located in another cell, behind the former monastery shop “on the stairs.” At this time, in Optina Pustyn, in addition to the monks left at the museum, there lived many nuns, workers of the former monastery barnyard. And also some of the Shamorda sisters found shelter there, finding work in a farm, hospital, timber factory and museum. Most of these nuns were the spiritual children of Father Nikon. When the church was closed, they gathered for holidays in one cell, most often in the hospital kitchen, where two sisters, nuns, worked and lived, and Father Nikon served all-night vigils. On such occasions, his spiritual children, nuns from Kozelsk, came. One of the last all-night vigils celebrated by Father Nikon in Optina Pustyn was on June 15, 1924, on the day of remembrance of St. Tikhon of Kaluga. After the all-night vigil, Father Nikon spoke a word of instruction and exhortation and at the end, among other things, mentioned that in a few days he would have to leave Optina. Many began to cry, and he turned to them and said: - These are wonderful! (He often used this word “wonderful,” probably instead of the word “wonderful.”) After all, I am a monk. He made a vow to endure all bitterness, reproach, reproach, and exile. And if this comes true, if I endure this, then it is appropriate to rejoice, since the rite of tonsure is actually being performed, and not to be depressed. It is said: “It is fitting to rejoice when you fall into various temptations.” (James 1:2) I remember, when I was still Nicholas, Father Barsanuphius said the following prayerful words over me: “Lord! Save this Thy servant! Be his Helper! Protect him when he has neither shelter nor shelter!..” The Optina monks, having settled in Kozelsk, began a new life, unusual, sorrowful, difficult. Some of them, having the opportunity, bought houses and lived several people together. The last Optina archdeacon, Father Lavrentiy Levchenko (later a hieromonk; died in exile), was one of these lucky ones. All his family members - his father, mother and three sisters were monastics. Some more of the Optina brethren joined them, and they had more conveniences than others in going through monastic life. And the source of their material existence was the “handicraft” workshop for making felt shoes, which they set up in their home. The felt boots they made were famous for their good quality and high quality workmanship and were in great demand. Not far from Father Lavrenty, on the same outlying street, called Maloye Zarechye, Father Archimandrite rented a separate house for an apartment. He lived with two cell attendants. Some of the old monks joined together to live with their relatives, nuns, also expelled from the monasteries, who served them. How and with what they lived - only the Lord knows about this. It was hard for the Optina brethren to leave their native monastery. It was hard to live in a city, albeit a small one, amid the bustle of the world. It was hard to be left homeless and without a piece of bread, without any prospects for the future. Many of them were exhausted under the heavy burden of new living conditions and from the constant, tedious, exhausting anticipation of future disasters, exhausting the strength of soul and body. Their only consolation was prayer. And the Lord, seeing the exhaustion of His servants, sent them great consolation, supporting and strengthening them. Just at the time when the Kazan Church in Optina was closed and the services of God ceased in the holy monastery, a vacancy for a priest became available in the St. George Church in Kozelsk. And miraculously everything worked out in such a way that all positions in this church were occupied by Optina monks. Father Archimandrite appointed the former monastery “senior servant,” Hieromonk Macarius, as rector (later, having returned from exile, he lived in the city of Belev, Tula region, where he died in 1939). The archdeacon was Father Lavrenty. Hieromonk Savvaty performed the duties of a psalm-reader. When the former Optina dean and charter monk Father Theodotus joined them, on his initiative a small choir was created from monks living in Kozelsk. Even the sexton was a monk, Father Cleopas. He was also a church watchman and bell ringer. It turned out to be something like a small monastery. True, the service was shortened so as not to tire the parishioners who were unaccustomed to long services, but the service itself and the singing were still the same as before, Optina. And this was the mercy of God, comforting and encouraging. On major holidays, other hieromonks, and occasionally Father Archimandrite, took part in the service. And the monks who settled there came from nearby villages and then sang in two choirs. Kozel citizens were very attracted to the monastery service, and the church was always full of worshipers. It was a beautiful two-story church. There were three chapels in the lower tier. The main one is in honor of St. Basil the Great and the side ones are in honor of the Great Martyr George the Victorious and the Martyr Paraskeva Pyatnitsa. The dark wood carved iconostasis, designed in a simple style, and the good painting of the full-length image, without frames or vestments, made a pleasant impression. The upper church was in honor and glory of the Divine Transfiguration of the Lord and was all white, bright and joyful. By this time, many monastics of both sexes had gathered in Kozelsk. Some came from afar and settled, attracted by the presence of Optina residents. This cluster already attracted the attention of local authorities. Soon a feuilleton appeared in a Kozelsk newspaper, which, among other things, said that “we had one monastery, and now there are two” and that “in the evenings, “black crows” creep out from every alley and from around every corner... In 1927, great confusion among the Orthodox clergy was caused by an appeal to the Orthodox Church by the Patriarchal Locum Tenens, Metropolitan Sergius. What especially confused everyone was the call to prayerfully remember in church during services “all those who are in power.” Now we are used to it, but then it caused, so to speak, a storm, a whirlwind of doubts, indignation and confusion. If the Holy Church forbids praying for heretics, although not Orthodox, but believers in God, and anathematizes them, then how can one pray for atheists whose goal is to destroy faith in God and persecute the Holy Church? This thought confused many, even authoritative clergy in Moscow and other cities of the country. There was a lot of controversy on this issue. The elder brethren of Optina, led by their father Archimandrite Isaac, although with a tight heart, prudently decided to submit to the appeal of Metropolitan Sergius, as the head of the Church on Russian land, for holy obedience. Only a few of them, one might say a few, broke away from the unity and remained unconvinced. The Kozel clergy followed the example of the Optina people. Moscow admirers of Elder Nektarios, who disagreed with Metropolitan Sergius, for unknown reasons, decided that the Elder disagreed with the Optina people in their views on this topical issue at that time, and they spread this opinion everywhere. The consequences showed that the Elder was always, until his death, of the same mind with the Optina brethren in everything, in particular in this issue, which confuses many. To one of his spiritual daughters, when she asked him about this, he said: “When the Jews were in captivity in Babylon and did not pray for the king of Babylon, since he was a pagan, they felt very bad, and when they began to pray, their situation improved significantly...” And Father Nikon answered a similar question: “The Metropolitan should not be blamed, since he did not sin in anything in relation to the dogmas of the Church. Maybe some people don't like his political, cautious attitude, but that's still not the fault. We don’t know what circumstances he was in when he wrote this appeal.” All this was extremely regrettable. Doubts, grave perplexities, embarrassment, confusion and discord tormented the souls of all true believers, Christians devoted to the Orthodox Church. Be an image with the right word, life, faith, spirit, purity. How red are the feet of those who bring peace, those who bring good news. Father Nikon moved to Kozelsk at the end of July 1924. Knowing the inevitability of his relocation, he found himself an apartment on Blagoveshchenskaya Street in advance. Father Kirill Zlenko already lived there, the same brother Kirill with whom he had once, in the days of his youth, begun the world-denying life in the Skete under the leadership of Elder Barsanuphius. Father Nikon occupied a separate half of a small house. Two windows of his new cell faced the street and were always covered with white curtains. Besides this, there was also a small side room with a window into the garden, all filled with books. The mistress of the house was an old woman, lonely, very calm and silent. Father Nikon was quite pleased with his cell. It was quite warm, dry, and most importantly, quiet. The street was lightly trafficked, and no one and nothing disturbed the peaceful silence. Shortly before Father Nikon moved to Kozelsk, the already small choir of singers in the Assumption Cathedral of the city disbanded. The cathedral parish was poor, and during this difficult time it did not have the means to support paid singers. Father Nikon willingly agreed to the offer of the rector and the church council to sing in the cathedral during services on holidays. He gathered several brethren who knew how to sing, and thus, under his leadership, a small, six-seven-person, male monastic choir was formed. Under the direction of Father Nikon, the following sang: Father Geronty, former cell attendant of Elder Barsanuphius Grigory Ermakov (died in exile), Father Rodion Sheichenko (later Hieromonk Raphael, who was twice in exile and died in Kozelsk in 1957), Father Vasily Belogradsky, former canonarch of Optina, Father Akaki, Hierodeacon Father Ignatius and others. The singers, except for Father Nikon and Father Vasily, did not have rich singing abilities. Their voices sounded weak. But the wondrous Optina melodies, resounding through the vaults of the ancient cathedral, delighted the ears of those praying more than the best choir. Around the same time, the icon of the Mother of God “Unexpected Joy” miraculously appeared in the cathedral. The history of its appearance is hardly preserved in anyone’s memory. It is only known that its appearance was extraordinary, of which the rector of the cathedral, Father Sergius Protopopov, informed all parishioners and suggested that akathist singing be performed before the icon on one of the days of the week, which was performed until the cathedral closed. The wondrous Optina chant “Rejoice, granter of unexpected joy to the faithful,” almost universally forgotten, sounded soulful and touching in the mouths of the monks. If the reader remembers, Father Nikon especially revered this icon in his childhood and youth. And remembering the words of my dear elder Barsanuphius: “There is nothing accidental in our life. Even what seems trivial to us has a deep meaning and significance,” he accepted the appearance of the “Unexpected Joy” image of the Mother of God in the cathedral as a miracle, as the mercy of God. Once upon a time he was received into the Skete unexpectedly on the day of the celebration of this icon. Then truly there was unexpected, unexpected joy for him. And now, expelled from the monastery, in the poor Kozelsky Cathedral he found unexpected joy in the face of the Mother of God, who clearly patronized him and gave him secret spiritual joy. He saw in this an invisible blessing for Her to serve in the cathedral. It is possible that it was for this reason that Father Nikon did not take part in the services in the St. George Church, where the majority of the Optina brethren were concentrated. While still in Optina Pustyn, he began to enjoy great fame as a confessor. In Kozelsk, Father Dosifey continued to be the fraternal confessor. Elder Nektarios and Father Dosifei send most of the Shamordian nuns and nuns of other monasteries, many lay people living in the city and its environs, as well as visitors, to Father Nikon. It can be assumed that out of precaution, so as not to create excessive visibility, he served only in the cathedral church, where he was listed as a choirboy. Father Nikon served quite often. The rector of the cathedral, Father Sergius and the second priest, Father Gregory, sometimes asked him to serve in cases when for some reason they themselves could not. In addition, he always served on the days of the saints he especially revered and on days that were memorable for him. His service was excellent. Calmly, evenly, not rushing, but not dragging out, simply - without intonation and “expressiveness”. His voice sounded soulful. The reverence and sacred awe with which he stood before the throne of God was transmitted to those praying. Here, in the cathedral, for the first time, with the exception of cell services, he began to preach sermons. In Optina it was not customary to deliver sermons, except in exceptional cases. Printed teachings were read there. One day, on the fifth Sunday of Great Lent, at early mass, when the hierodeacon who served with him began to read the Gospel, Father Nikon, standing on a high place, listened to the holy gospel. And the words struck him: “Behold, we are ascending to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be betrayed...” He remembered Skete, Elder Barsanuphius and all the sorrow that befell their peaceful life at that time... Father Nikon’s heart trembled at this memory, and an irresistible desire appeared to say something instructive to those praying. Due to the ingrained habit of not starting anything without the blessing of his elders, he turned to the concelebrating hierodeacon, for there was no one else in the altar except them. The hierodeacon's answer was affirmative, and Father Nikon began to speak at the appointed time. The topic for the sermon was the Gospel we had just read. “Jerusalem,” he said, “in a spiritual sense means the Kingdom of Heaven. Ascension into it is the earthly life of every believer who works out his own salvation. This is touchingly stated in the sticheron of Great Holy Monday: “The Lord is coming to free passion, the apostle said on the way: behold, we ascend to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man is betrayed, as it is written about Him. Come, then, we too, with purified meanings, will descend to Him, and we will be crucified and put to death for His sake with worldly passions, so that we may live with Him and hear Him crying: no one will go to earthly Jerusalem for the sake of suffering, but I will ascend to My Father and your Father, and My God and your God, and I will exalt you with the Heavenly Jerusalem, into the Kingdom of Heaven.” He who is saved in the Lord must necessarily be given degrees of ascension to the Heavenly Jerusalem. On the path of life he inevitably encounters sorrows and temptations. You need to be prepared for them. Our human weakness does not want them, often forgets about their inevitability and desires only earthly happiness. Please note that even the holy apostles, before receiving the gift of the Holy Spirit and the gift to understand the Scriptures, were not alien to the desires of temporary glory and happiness, as is narrated in the Gospel. After Christ’s words about coming sorrows and death, the sons of Zebedee ask Christ for the honors of His temporary kingdom, which they then expected. But instead of this honor, Christ promised to drink the cup of death to His friends. Therefore, if we see our life full of sorrows and unfulfilled hopes and desires, let us not lose heart. This is how it should be... The life of a Christian should be like the life of Christ. The holy Apostle Peter proclaims to us: “Christ suffered for us, leaving us an image, an example, so that we would follow in His footsteps.” (1 Peter 2:21) For this purpose, Christ gave the holy commandments, so that we would abide in them and through this would truly be disciples of Christ through our very lives, and not just because we are called Christians. “Then you, My disciples, will be known by everyone, if you keep My commandments,” says the Savior to his friends, going to suffer, it is said in the church song (The Three Songs at Matins on Holy Monday). To fulfill the commandments of Christ, you need to know them. They are set out in the Gospel. Read the Holy Gospel, imbued with its spirit, make it the rule of your life, your reference book. In every action and matter of life, act in accordance with the teachings of the Gospel. This is the only light of our life. Among other teachings and commandments, we read in the Holy Gospel that Christ the Savior briefly pronounced the teaching on the need for humility and confirmed this to His disciples just before the suffering of the cross, as is narrated in the current Gospel and in other places. Without humility you cannot be a disciple of Christ. Without humility, a person’s heart will not accept, will not assimilate Christ’s teaching. Humility of heart inspires a person to be submissive to the will of God, to humbly accept everything that the Lord pleases to send to a person on his life’s path, to subdue his mind, his reasoning, his desires into the obedience of Christ. Experience shows what bitter fruits are reaped by those who do everything according to their own cleverness. What torment the “self-chosen mind” causes to a person, into what abyss of fall and destruction abandonment of the teachings and path of Christ plunges a person. The path of Christ seems narrow and regrettable, but it gives the person walking along it something that he would not exchange for any vain, temporary treasures and joys of this world. So precious is what Christ the Lord gives to believers... Let us surrender ourselves entirely to the will of God. With heartfelt prayer let us assure Christ that we may be with Him, on His path and along it to enter the Heavenly Jerusalem. Amen". Having secured the blessing of Father Archimandrite, Father Nikon from that time on, whenever he served, he spoke a word of edification. Most often, in his sermons, he explained some psalm or the content of the Gospel read that day. One of his spiritual daughters, who knew how to quickly grasp a thought, briefly wrote down what she heard, then elaborated and supplemented it, and then gave it to Father Nikon to check. Some of his teachings have been preserved in manuscripts: an explanation of Psalm 136 “On the rivers of Babylon...”, Psalm 100. “Mercy and judgment, words...”: “He will guide the meek into judgment...” from the 24th Psalm. “In the psalms of the ten-stringed I sing to Thee...” from Psalm 143. “My heart is ready...” (psalm 56th) and others. So that the reader can get a clear idea of ​​Father Nikon’s preaching abilities, his two briefest sermons are given here. Word before the prayer service to the Savior in honor of His Image Not Made by Hands, August 16, 1925 (Luke 48, 9:51–56 and 10:22–24) In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. In today’s Gospel you have heard the following words: “Jesus set His face to go to Jerusalem”..., decided, prepared to go to Jerusalem for His feat. In a spiritual sense, this means that every Christian who, like Christ, has decided to go to the Heavenly Jerusalem, that is, to lead a spiritual life for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven, must “establish his face,” prepare himself for this journey, and decide to undergo an ascetic life. We must prepare and make up our minds, for this journey requires precisely feat, forcing oneself to perform all the virtues by which the Kingdom of Heaven is achieved. We must prepare and make up our minds, because the very practice of virtues is counteracted and resisted by various sorrows, temptations, obstacles, and above all from people who are encouraged by the enemy of our salvation. The enemy wants to hinder good intentions and instills in the people of this world hatred of the servants of God. Just as Christ on the way to Jerusalem was not accepted by the inhabitants of that country, for “His face was not coming to Jerusalem,” because He had the appearance of a stranger traveling to Jerusalem, so every ascetic, a servant of Christ, is not accepted by the people of this world, for he has the appearance of a man coming to the Heavenly Jerusalem. They do not understand him and cannot understand him. They do not understand his Christian feat, they are alien to him. He seems unreasonable and strange to them. And the way of thoughts, and feelings, and concepts, and desires, and behavior, and the whole life, even the outward appearance of a person living for God, is not the same as that of a person living the life of this world. And therefore, the world, hostile to Christ, rebels against those who try to live like Christians, persecutes them, is at enmity against them, and does not accept them into their midst. “I did not accept Him as if He were coming to Jerusalem.” And then the Gospel says that “no one knows who the Son is but the Father, and who the Father is except the Son, and whom the Son wills to reveal.” This means that no one can on his own know God and our Lord Jesus Christ, or have the correct concepts of faith in God, unless God Himself reveals this to him. No one on his own can know the will of God, the way of the Lord, or have correct concepts about spiritual life and Christian morality, unless the Lord Himself teaches this. And He teaches the one who sincerely desires this and asks the Lord for it, who turns out to be capable and worthy of this teaching, who preserves his conscience, who strives for the Light, who forces himself to do every good thing. Therefore, brothers and sisters, we need to pray to the Lord as earnestly as possible and ask Him to give us firmness in the Orthodox faith, knowledge of spiritual life, knowledge of His holy will. So that He would reveal to us how we must accomplish our salvation, accomplish the Christian feat, and, having revealed it, He would give us a firm, unwavering determination to complete this feat for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. And so, I ask you all earnestly - let us now pray that the Lord will help us to walk the path of Christ, that He will reveal to us how we can work out our salvation, how we should go in order to reach the Heavenly Jerusalem. Amen". Teaching delivered on the day of the Angel, in memory of the holy martyr Nikon, at the moment of congratulations from spiritual children, September 28, 1925 “On this day I wanted to tell you a word on the Gospel word now read: “And you bear witness that from time immemorial you have been with Me” (John 15:27), but I did not have time. It was already late and the late Liturgy was soon to begin. But the deep meaning of these Gospel words still occupies my mind, and thoughts come one after another. Now it is impossible to speak at length on this topic, but I will briefly say a few words for your edification. It is said in the Gospel: “And you bear witness that from time immemorial you have been with Me.” Pay attention to these words and understand their meaning. That is why the holy apostles testified about the Lord Jesus, and after them the holy martyrs and in general all the holy saints of God, because, as Christ Himself says, from time immemorial, that is, always, they were with the Lord. They always remained inseparably with the Lord, they always diligently kept His holy commandments, they always remembered Him, they always did His holy will in everything. If we will always be with the Lord, then we will also have the strength and power to testify about Him. Let us also have the courage, firmness and strength to confess Him and confess not only with our tongues, but also with our very lives. We will also be given the grace to graciously endure all suffering, all hardship and vicissitudes of life for the sake of our Lord Jesus Christ. So, try to always be with the Lord and then you can be confessors of Christ. You will testify about Him just as firmly, just as fearlessly, just as miraculously, as the holy apostles, holy martyrs and all the saints testified. Here's a lesson for you. Always be with the Lord, have the memory of God. Be afraid to drive away God's help from yourself with any sins or sinful thoughts. Be afraid to be without the Lord. God bless you!” It cannot be said that Father Nikon’s sermons, in comparison with others, shone with eloquence. There was no shine in them. They were simple, accessible, and understandable to everyone, because everything he said was not taken from books, but was experienced and experienced by himself. All his sermons were filled with firm, unshakable faith in God and His holy covenants, and that is why they had such a strong effect on the souls of those who listened to them. In addition, I was struck by the unusually deep penetration into the meaning of the words taken for teaching. Apparently, Elder Barsanuphius, to some extent, passed on to his worthy disciple this rare gift of delving into the meaning of words. By the way, Father Nikon said that in the interpretations of Holy Scripture existing in the press one cannot always see such a deep understanding of the mysterious meaning as Elder Barsanuphius had. The presence of Father Nikon in the cathedral church attracted all his spiritual children, mainly nuns, there. The hitherto empty cathedral came to life and was filled with worshipers. After the service, usually all his spiritual children and admirers came up to him, wanting to receive a blessing and sometimes ask something. When I remember this, a picture appears before my eyes. The all-night vigil in the cathedral has just ended. The lamps in front of the images were almost all extinguished (oil was saved). Twilight. The worshipers do not disperse. They are waiting for Father Nikon. And so, from the altar comes our dear father and mentor. In the twilight of the cathedral, a light ray seemed to flash. His magnificent face radiated light and warmth. His whole appearance made a gratifying impression on the souls of those communicating with him, instilling silence, peace and tranquility. And my soul immediately felt lighter... Father Nikon, along with all the Optina brothers, was acutely worried about the exile. It was hard for him to leave the holy monastery, in which he lived for about eighteen years. Perhaps it was harder than for others, because with the exile his work for the benefit of the monastery ceased, work for which he gave all his strength, considering it his sacred duty before the Lord. And although he was “quite pleased with his new premises” and said that “it even looks a little like a monastery,” one can assume that he said this to encourage himself and others. A great consolation for him was the opportunity to be present in the church, sing and perform the Divine service. It was also consoling that he was not alone, that although the Optina brethren were scattered throughout the city, they still had the opportunity to communicate with each other. Archimandrite Father Isaac was closest to him in spirit. Father Nikon often visited him in his secluded house. And always, when he came on business, he lingered, finding joy and consolation in intimate conversations with this wise old man. Remembering Optina, dear to their hearts, so close in distance and so inaccessible, they sometimes sang their favorite church hymns. Father Archimandrite sang very well in his time and could even compose compositions. As a monk, Father Nikon was always impeccable. He remained like this in Kozelsk, holding high the monastic banner, sacredly keeping his vows until the end of his days, without violating them either in word or deed. Expelled from the monastery and seemingly left to his own devices, he did not begin a single business without the blessing of Father Archimandrite, and sometimes, despite the distance, on especially important occasions, he went to the village of Kholmishchi, to Father Nektary, who, apparently, was his elder. Father Nikon was 36 years old when he moved to Kozelsk. Full of unspent strength and energy, he devoted his entire life to serving God, as a shepherd, as a confessor. The number of his spiritual children gradually increased. Elder Nektarios sent many who came to him in Kholmishchi to Father Nikon. And not only the Elder, but also Father Archimandrite, and Father Dosifei, and Father Meletius directed those who addressed them to Father Nikon, as to the younger one. And he, out of holy obedience, believing that the sheep of the verbal flock handed to him were sent by the Lord God Himself, accepted everyone. Firmly remembering the words of the Apostle: “be an image by faithful speech, life, faith, spirit, purity,” he in fact, not only in words, was an excellent example of a shepherd, laying down his soul for his sheep, sparing neither strength nor health, sacrificing his desires, his personal aspirations and interests for the salvation of the souls of his flock. How much attention, how much care and fatherly love he showed towards everyone who turned to him! It should be noted that he treated his spiritual children not only attentively and lovingly, but sometimes, when required, strictly. And not only about their souls did he worry and tried to save them as much as he could. He helped many old, powerless and sick people, unable to earn their own food, financially, with money and food, sharing with them what his wealthier spiritual children sent or brought to him, leaving for himself, for his personal needs, the most necessary things. Father Nikon received his spiritual children every day in the evening hours, of course, excluding those days when there was a divine service in the cathedral. In the house where he lived, in the kitchen, behind the Russian stove, there was a small room with one window onto the street. It housed those awaiting reception. Sometimes there were so many people coming that some had nowhere to sit, and then not only the little room, but the entire kitchen was occupied. Usually Father Nikon left his room and, at his own discretion, invited someone to his place. With the onset of darkness, he did not light the lamp, and the room was illuminated by one lamp in front of the images, spreading a mysterious, peaceful half-light. Father Nikon seated the newcomer, and he himself sat opposite, near the icons... During confession, according to Optina custom, the confessor always kneeled. Father Nikon once said that “confession is a spiritual judgment. The confessor is a judge, and the one who confesses his sins is a criminal. And, as a repentant criminal, it is appropriate for him to have not only spiritual contrition for the evil he has committed, but also to physically express his guilt, for the soul and body of a person are inseparable.” Father Nikon confessed amazingly well. He knew how to win over the penitent so much, with leading questions forcing him to reveal his whole soul to him, or rather, to God, without hiding because of false shame, that the penitent did not even notice how his lips easily and freely revealed sins that he had kept silent about for many, many years, hiding them within himself and not revealing them to anyone. Apparently, he received this gift of penetration into the soul of a repentant, the ability to win over and trust completely, from Elder Barsanuphius, supplementing what he received with his own attentive, sober life. Like scales from an onion, sins fell from a sincerely repentant soul. The purified soul, after such a confession, sparkled with whiteness and purity. The penitent came out as if reborn, washed, cleansed from dirt. What a great, holy thing is such effective confession! What bliss a cleansed conscience felt after such a confession! Not only the soul, but also the body, this earthly receptacle of the soul, became light, as if inspired, tasting a particle of heavenly bliss that awaits the saints, as far as is possible for a person on earth. During confession, Father Nikon did not limit himself to accepting and resolving sins. At the same time, as needed, he taught advice, guidance, and warning. Sometimes he imposed penance. He very carefully and wisely took into account not only the age of his spiritual children, but also took into account their upbringing, education, character, state of health, and environment. Accordingly, he knew how to approach everyone in such a way that he truly became a father. One need not say much about the love and reverent veneration his spiritual children, mostly women, had for him. All of them, without exception, saw in his face a kind and wise father and shepherd, who took them by the hand and led them along the right path to salvation. Father Nikon demanded unquestioning obedience, sincerity and simplicity from his spiritual children. He could not stand autocratic leaders who loved to do their own will and insist on their opinions; he could not stand double-mindedness, cunning, deceit and lies. He once said that “many women suffer from guile.” Apparently, he often had to deal with this mental illness, which was very difficult to cure. I had to deal with very difficult, sick souls, with a complex psyche. He was especially attentive and caring towards such people. Among his spiritual children there were those who, due to unreason and lack of understanding of spiritual life, were upset with Father Nikon for paying more attention to some, to the detriment of others, and even allowed themselves to think that he loved them more. For Father Nikon, everyone was equal. All the souls entrusted to him by the Lord were equally dear to him. But, as a spiritual doctor, he considered it his sacred duty to pay more attention to souls infected with serious, difficult-to-treat diseases. Some did not understand this and, out of their foolishness, sometimes caused him grief. But there were few of them. Father Nikon always knew how to reason with the foolish, encourage the despondent, and console the saddened. The hearts of most of his spiritual children were filled with the warmest love for him. In the morning and afternoon, Father Nikon did not receive anyone, with the exception of his Optina brothers, visitors and those who generally needed to urgently talk with him. In addition to his monastic prayer rule, he was busy writing answers to letters from his spiritual children. Father Kirill partly helped him in this. Father Nikon never refused anyone if one of his spiritual children invited him to serve a prayer service or a memorial service. On the days of the saints he especially venerated, when there was no all-night vigil in the cathedral, he served all-night vigils most often in the apartment of Mother Ambrosia or with other sisters, even sometimes with lay people, at their request and where the space allowed in terms of privacy and isolation of the home. As mentioned above, Father Nikon came to Mother Ambrosia, in her community, once a week, and sometimes more often, for a spiritual interview. By the time described, about ten sisters had gathered in the community, not counting those who came, sometimes living in it for a long time. Mother Ambrose and her community occupied the entire top floor of the house and were thus isolated from outsiders. On the day of Father Nikon's arrival, the sisters, as usual, prepared questions that interested them in advance. Entering, Father Nikon first prayed in front of the images, then, turning to those present, he said: “Peace and salvation to you,” sometimes “Peace to this house.” Having blessed each one, he sat down in the place prepared for him, the others sat around, and a spiritual conversation began. If at this time Mother Ambrosia had any of the visitors, Father Nikon sometimes talked with them in a separate room, in cases where there were questions of a personal nature. Some of Father Nikon’s instructions have been preserved by his spiritual children, who honor the blessed memory of him. Instructions from Father Nikon and answers to suggested questions The Slavic and Russian “Philokalia” are completely different books. Why did it happen that such a gracious and enlightened man as St. Theophan the Recluse changed everything? Unknown. Elder Anatoly Zertsalov was very fond of the works of Bishop Theophan, but when it came to the matter of the Philokalia, he preferred the Slavic one, in the translation of Paisius (Velichkovsky). There are changes not only in the order of presentation, but also in the content itself. It is better to read the works of St. Isaac the Syrian in Russian translation. His works, which have very deep content, must be read with caution. What is said there for beginners is in our time accessible only to those who have succeeded in spiritual life, and much of it cannot be applied at all. Books such as the works of St. Isaac should be read not to apply to oneself, but for the mood. Otherwise it could be very bad. You can fall into conceit and delusion and get damaged. And you need to take the entire essay or article, you need to look at the whole. So it is said by Isaac the Syrian that his teaching as a whole must be taken... It is better to read what is simpler, more understandable, for example: “Abba Dorotheus”, “The Ladder”, Theodore the Studite, Cassian the Roman and others. Monasticism falls not only because the Jesus Prayer is not completed, but also because we do not take care of ourselves and the purity of our hearts. We must endure not only the sorrows that befall us, but we must also endure ourselves. No one should be condemned, even the most desperate sinner. Fleeting thoughts, to which the heart does not attach, quickly pass, as in a kaleidoscope. Our mind never stops, it is always busy. Bad thoughts should not be considered our inalienable property, they are not from our nature. The same mind cannot both praise God and blaspheme. You don’t need to pay attention to such thoughts, you need to throw them away like rubbish, like something extraneous. If any bad thought persistently comes to mind and the heart cleaves to it and sympathizes with it, then we must make every effort to throw it out with the help of the Jesus Prayer and confession to the elder. You need to know which passion bothers you the most, and you need to fight it especially. To do this, you need to examine your conscience every day... Let the prayer rule be small, but fulfilled constantly and carefully... It is better to fulfill the Pentecost alone. The monotony of the spoken words is very important for those undergoing the Jesus Prayer. The mind does not wander. Collected mind! The fear of death is from demons. It is they who instill such fear in the soul as to deprive them of hope for God’s mercy. The doctor must warn the patient that death is approaching. The desire to live until the coming of the Antichrist is sinful. There will be such sorrow then that, as it is said, the righteous will barely be saved. But to desire and seek suffering is dangerous and sinful. This happens from pride and foolishness. Be filled with the Spirit... What does this mean? After all, we were honored to receive the gifts of the Holy Spirit at baptism. How many people remember this? Moreover, in order to receive, it is necessary to preserve, improve, and multiply. To do this, jealousy must be stirred up. How? 1. Read the Holy Scriptures, which are written by the Holy Spirit. It comes from the Holy Scriptures. No secular pleasure can give that peace, that joy that is given by the Holy Spirit. 3. Frequently participate in the Holy Sacraments. Through them the Holy Spirit is communicated to man. 4. Frequently visit the holy church, for this is a place of special presence of the Holy Spirit. 5. Prayer. Especially the prayer “To the Heavenly King.” It should be listened to with special reverence not only in church, but also pronounced during work, asking for the help of the Holy Spirit. Monastic clothing is given to us in order to distinguish it from the worldly, so that it reminds us of a different life. We must look at the goal. Nowadays, when there are no monasteries, you can take it off and wear simple, modest clothes so as not to stand out. Living on alms is dangerous. You can get used to begging. It’s one thing to ask for others, and another thing to ask for yourself. You can ask for alms in extreme need, but in such a way that it does not serve as a reason for grief to anyone. If possible, we must pray for the benefactor who provided help. If there is no illness or any infirmity at all, then unction is not necessary, because during unction they pray for healing, pray for physical and mental health. Physical health is not and is not always given to everyone, for the Lord knows what is healthier for us. And spiritual things are always served. Complete carelessness occurs with complete obedience, through faith in the spiritual father. Conversation on All Saints' Day This day ends a number of the most important festive events: the Passion of the Lord Jesus Christ, the Resurrection, the Ascension, the Descent of the Holy Spirit. The saints are the first fruits of the exploits of the Lord Jesus Christ, they are the firstborn of the Church of Christ. Here before us are the patriarchs who lived as pilgrims, prophets, apostles, who, preaching the Holy Gospel, endured such sorrows, martyrs, clergymen who sacrificed their lives, saints who achieved angelic life on earth, pious people of both sexes and different ages, among everyday deeds who became worthy of holiness and, finally, great sinners who achieved holiness through repentance. Let us take as an example a saint suitable for our situation, and we will try to follow his example... All the saints suffered because they followed the path of the Savior, Who suffered, was persecuted, reproached, slandered and... crucified. And all who follow Him inevitably suffer. “You will be sorrowful in the world.” “And everyone who wants to live piously will be persecuted.” “When you begin to work for the Lord, prepare your soul for temptation...” (Sir.2:1) In order to endure suffering more easily, one must have strong faith, ardent love for the Lord, not become attached to anything earthly, and completely surrender to the will of God... Those who blaspheme must be looked upon as sick people from whom we do not demand that they not cough or spit. The basis of our salvation is repentance. Every day before going to bed, you need to remember the sins you committed during the day and repent of them before the Lord. If it is not possible to fulfill the vow of obedience, there is no one to obey, one must be willing to do everything according to the will of God. There are two types of obedience: external and internal. With external obedience, complete obedience is required, the execution of every task without reasoning. Inner obedience refers to the inner, spiritual life and requires the guidance of a spiritual father. But the advice of a spiritual father should be verified by the Holy Scriptures... True obedience, which brings great benefit to the soul, is when, for obedience, you do something that does not agree with your desire, despite yourself. Then the Lord Himself takes you into His arms. The Lord created doctors and medicines. You can't refuse treatment. If you are weak and tired, you can sit in church. “Son, give Me your heart.” (Proverbs 23:26) “It is better to think about God while sitting than to think about your feet while standing,” said St. Philaret of Moscow. Holy books and sacred objects must be treated with reverence. First of all, you must have the fear of God. He teaches reverence. He teaches everything good. Careless, irreverent treatment of shrines results from habit. And it shouldn't be. You cannot praise someone to their face. You can do great harm to the soul of this person. You need to have reasoning. In some cases, it is even permissible to tell a lie for the benefit of a person. When Elder Barsanuphius was tasked with making a list of books for the skete monks to read, he said, while making the list: “Forgive me, Holy Father, for crossing out your book. I don’t want those who have found refuge in Russian monasteries to rush recklessly to Athos.” This book is good (“Letters of the Svyatogorets”). If a monk stays in a lay house, then he is looked upon as a layman. A monk cannot remain in the world for a long time. Like a fish without water, so is a monk outside the monastery. The sorrows of the monks of recent times are subtle. When looking at them superficially, they cannot be recognized as sorrows. But this is the cunning of our enemy, the devil. Obvious, rude and cruel temptations arouse in a Christian fiery zeal and courage to endure them. The enemy has replaced gross temptations with weak, but subtle and very powerful ones. They do not arouse jealousy from the heart, do not excite it to heroic deeds, but keep it in some kind of unresolved situation, and the mind in bewilderment. They languish, gradually depleting a person’s spiritual strength, plunge him into despondency, into inaction and destroy him, making him a home of passions due to relaxation, inaction, despondency. This is expressed by the fact that the monks of recent times expect something better, saying: “Then we will fast and pray, when the conditions are suitable for this.” But the Lord promised to forgive those who sincerely repented of their sins, but we were not promised that we would live to see tomorrow. Therefore, under all conditions, favorable and unfavorable, we must try to live according to the commandments of God, fulfill monastic vows and always remember the words: “Behold, now is the time favorable, behold, now is the day of salvation.” (2 Cor. 6:2) There is no need to give vent to your feelings. We must force ourselves to be friendly with those we don’t like. You shouldn't believe omens. There are no signs. The Lord controls us by His Providence, and I do not depend on any bird, or day, or anything else. He who believes in prejudices has a hard time in his soul. And whoever considers himself dependent only on the Providence of God, on the contrary, his soul is joyful. The Jesus Prayer will replace the sign of the cross if for some reason it cannot be applied. The feeling of love for the Lord comes as we fulfill His commandments. You cannot work on holidays unless absolutely necessary. The holiday should be cherished and honored. This day should be dedicated to God: be in church, pray at home and read the Holy Scriptures and the works of the holy fathers, do good deeds. You can pray for the Old Believers only with home prayer and only for the living, since we still hope that they will convert. Singing hymns or spiritual poems is not a sin. But this is good for the laity. Good thoughts and motives create a good mood, not like worldly songs. But for a monk, chanting hymns is not suitable. They distract from prayer. Can any singing, even good singing, compare with the Jesus Prayer? She surpasses everything. She is the highest - joy and consolation. Everything else only interferes with prayer. Chanting is the softest food, but a monk must eat solid food. We must love every person, seeing in him the image of God, despite his vices. You can’t push people away from you with coldness. On Sunday there is no commemoration during the Liturgy. You can only commemorate at a proskomedia. Imagine: on the Tsar’s name day, during the celebration, one of the ordinary people would say: “And I am the birthday boy!” This would not lead to the great Royal triumph. And during the Sunday Liturgy, the resurrection of the Lord is celebrated. Is it possible to compare any person? Therefore, any commemoration is omitted. And it’s already a relief that sometimes they sing “Rest with the Saints.” This is already in our times, and this should not be the case. It is difficult to say what is better – to partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ rarely or often. Zacchaeus joyfully accepted the dear Guest, the Lord, into his home and did well. But the centurion, out of humility, realizing his unworthiness, did not dare to accept and also did well. Their actions, although opposite, are motivated by the same. And they appeared before the Lord as equally worthy. The point is to adequately prepare yourself for the great Sacrament. When they asked St. Seraphim why at the present time there are no such great ascetics as there were before, he answered: “Because there is no determination to undergo great feats, but the grace is the same, “Christ is the same forever.” (Heb.13:8) First of all, you need to have the fear of God. He teaches reverence for God. He teaches everything good. Everything must be done with reverence. A monk must have both a quiet voice and a modest step. One must not only do, but also speak with the fear of God, thinking over every word before uttering it. “Remember,” says Saint Theophan, “that when you speak, you give birth to a word, and it will never die, but will live until the Last Judgment. It will stand before you and will be for you or against you. “By your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matthew 12:37) The current Gospel tells how Simon invited the Lord Jesus Christ into his home, but did not provide Him with what the custom of that time required not only in relation to a guest, but also to a simple stranger - he did not give Him water to wash his feet. And the sinful woman, known throughout the city as a harlot, did not cease to wet His feet with her tears and wipe them with her hair. How wonderful everything in this Gospel is - every word touches you! How merciful the Lord is to us! How we should love Him!.. When I was still a hierodeacon, I really loved reading the Gospel. I was delighted with every word!.. What wonderful words in the Gospel... No matter what book you take, even from the best writer, if you read it many times, you may get tired of it. And the Gospel - the more you read it, the more consolation and all sorts of good feelings you receive. ...One prayed the Jesus Prayer. Another, standing in the church with attention, prayed with the words of church prayers, using some other prayers outside of church services. The Lord hears both prayers equally. But the Jesus Prayer surpasses everything. Father Barsanuphius said: “You can heat the stove with birch wood, or you can also use aspen wood. If only it was warm.” The whole point is to have a prayerful mood in your soul. You should not pray for someone to appear in a dream. There should be no curiosity. In general, it’s common to think about dreams this way: if saints appear to us in a dream, then this is a sign that they help us with their prayers. This usually happens before any important events in our lives. If people close to us appear, then this is a sign that we need to pray for them. The dead are called dead because they are at rest. One must turn for help to the deceased elders and, in general, to the unglorified saints: “With the saints, rest the soul of (name of the rivers), and with his holy prayers have mercy on us.” No one knows about the time of the coming of the Antichrist, as it is said in the Gospel, but there are already signs of the imminent coming of the Antichrist. Seeing such persecution of faith and the desire to destroy it, as well as many other things, one must think that this time is approaching. But still nothing can be said for sure. There were times before when it was believed that the Antichrist had come, for example, under Peter the Great, but the consequences showed that this was wrong, the world still exists. And what is the point of this calculation? One thing is important: your conscience is clear in everything. Firmly adhere to the Orthodox faith, lead a moral life, according to the commandments of God, so as to be always ready. And for this, it is necessary, without postponing for an unknown future, to use the present time for repentance and correction. “Behold, now is the time acceptable, behold, now is the day of salvation.” Humility is something great and divine, and the way to it is to consider yourself lower than everyone else. What does it mean to consider yourself inferior to everyone? Don't notice other people's sins. Look at your sins. Pray constantly. Remember the monastic rule - do not start speaking yourself without being asked. There is no need to resist and fight with people who cause evil, not only in deed or word, but even in your thoughts. Otherwise the demons will win. We need to pray for such people. Then the Lord will help and the demons will retreat... A monk must prepare for death, so one must always think about meeting death in peace with everyone. The laity do not know this, and therefore they do not attach importance to non-worldliness. The Lord Jesus Christ, praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, is to some extent an image of every confessor in relation to his spiritual children, for he also takes upon himself their sins. What a great thing this is and what he has to go through! Beware of jokes and careless words when dealing with each other. This slander and idle talk can become a habit. During prayer, it is not useful to strive for high feelings. You just need to delve into the meaning of the spoken words, pray carefully, and then, over time, the Lord will give both spiritual illumination and heartfelt tenderness. “I will build My Church, and the gates of hell will not prevail against it” (Matthew 16:18) is said in the Gospel. The Apostle says that the breaking of bread, that is, the sacrament of the Eucharist, will be performed until the second coming of the Lord. The Monk Ephraim the Syrian says that the time will come when bloodless sacrifice will cease. There seems to be a contradiction here, but no. We must understand this: open service in the church will not be performed, but the sacrament of the Eucharist itself will continue until the second coming of the Savior. The Monk Athanasius of Pechersk died. He had not yet been interred when he woke up. Sitting in the coffin, he answered all the questions of the brethren only with tears. Finally, after many requests, with tears he repeated only one word: “Save yourself! Save yourself! He went into seclusion, remained silent, cried constantly, and died ten or fourteen years later. Another ascetic was also dying and, when he woke up, after many requests from the brethren, he answered: “Brothers! Believe that there is hell!..” Persecution and oppression are good for us, for they strengthen our faith. The power of suffering lies not in the magnitude of the suffering itself, but in how a person endures this suffering. Sometimes seemingly insignificant circumstances cause a person the greatest grief. We must sympathize. And the same fact apparently causes suffering to different degrees to different people. It depends on how a person takes them. A person who is indignant at the vicious life of some worldly people, for some reason, does not leave the world. The answer to this is in today’s Gospel: “I do not pray that you keep them away from the world, but that you keep them from hostility.” (John 17:15) By talent we must mean not only wealth, learning, nobility. Talents are favorable conditions for the salvation of the soul. Each of us is given talents. Poverty, illness, various kinds of sorrow - these are all talents. If a person uses the talent given to him spiritually, for the salvation of his soul, they bear fruit. “In your patience ye will gain your souls.” (Luke 21:19) And the one who buried the talent given to him in the ground means a person who, out of negligence about the salvation of his soul, used earthly life only to achieve earthly well-being - buried the talent in the ground. We must consider everything bad, including the passions that fight us, not as our own, but as from the enemy the devil. This is very important. Only then can you overcome passion when you do not consider it yours. If you want to get rid of sadness, do not attach your heart to anything or anyone. Sadness comes from attachment to visible things. The Lord will forgive every sin, except blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, if you repent. Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is when a person believes in God and knows that he should not do evil, and does it consciously, because such a person has such malice in his soul that he is not able to turn to the Lord with repentance, like our atheists, for example. And the Apostle Paul, who until this conversion persecuted Christians, when he converted and repented with all his heart, received forgiveness and became a zealous preacher of the teachings of Christ. And the Apostle Peter. At what time did you renounce! But he repented, and the Lord forgave him. “Ask and it will be given to you, push and it will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7) and (Luke 11:9) Many of you, not receiving what you have asked for for a long time, become discouraged. You shouldn't be discouraged. Remember how the Lord dealt with the Canaanite woman. How she asked Him to heal her daughter! Even the apostles began to beg the Lord to let her go. And the Lord even compared her to a dog... And you pray a little and, not receiving what you asked for, you become discouraged. This happens because we forget that a certain amount of time must pass between sowing and harvest. Malyuta Skuratov, when he came to St. Philip to strangle him, he came up and said: “Bless, Vladyka!” The saint answered: “I bless the good for the good,” and blessed him... You need to reprove in such a way that she doesn’t get upset, and alone. And if he doesn’t listen, then in front of witnesses. The present time is unfavorable for both external and internal monasticism. It is unfavorable for external monasticism because there are no monasteries, there is no appropriate environment. For the internal - the fact that with physical weakness, many cannot perform feats as they should. One thing remains - humility. Prophet David says: “A sacrifice to God is a broken spirit. God will not despise a contrite and humble heart.” Better a humble sinner than a proud righteous man. What is “pagan vacillation”? These are all the changes that we see around us in the entire structure of our lives. A monk should not imitate them. All behavior of a monk, words and deeds, must be unchanged, not succumbing to various fashions, customs and rules of false decency. Many suffer from so-called “co-questioning.” They constantly ask themselves and others questions: why is this? why is this? what is this for? Once upon a time I suffered from this deficiency. But when I read Bishop Ignatius’s article “The Destinies of God,” a turning point occurred in me. I realized that there was no need to test the fate of God. When the Monk Anthony the Great was thinking about such questions, he heard a voice: “Man, it is not your business to test the fate of God, humble yourself...” A monk should not arrange his life according to his own thoughts. He must walk the path of obedience. There is nothing more harmful for a monk than to arrange his life at his own discretion. This is why masses do not serve as Great Lent: Liturgy is the victorious hymn of Christianity, Lent is a time of mourning and repentance. “A monk must be entirely in God.” The Lord will teach the meek in His way. This is what the psalm says. Only God teaches man His ways, but only on condition that the person is meek and humble. Only such people are taught by God. The disease is cruel, but heaven is sweet. And for paradise, which I destroyed, I am now laying aside my perishable garments, so that I may again receive paradise 27. Now there may be such cases: you cannot follow your will and there is no one to ask. What to do? – You need to think about how the Lord would act in His meekness... The commandments of God were and are always the basis of life... Surrender to the will of God. Sobriety is the path of all virtue. For there to be spiritual fruit, certain conditions are needed: the seed (word) is good and the soil is good. The fruit ripens with patience. How many cases have there been when a person, not seeing the expected fruit, fell into despondency and all his work was lost. You must have the determination to endure everything. Only then can you hope to get what you want. In your patience gain your souls. There has never been, is not and never will be a carefree place on earth. A sad place can only be in the heart when the Lord is in it. The Lord helps us in sorrows and temptations. He does not free us from them, but gives us the strength to easily endure them, not even to notice them. Silence prepares the soul for prayer. Silence - how beneficial it is for the soul! The first Christians lived with one accord. In their dormitories, everyone was given according to their needs, not everyone was equally given what they needed. In monasteries this issue was more complicated. They considered it not to arouse envy and, moreover, to give what is healthier for the soul. Now you can't find a quiet place anywhere. Now there is only one thing to remember: “I have lifted up my eyes to the mountains, from nowhere will my help come” (Ps. 121:1) Only there should one seek help, from the Lord, and not rely on either a place or a person. We Orthodox Christians must not support heresy and have fellowship with heretics. Nowhere does it say that one should pray only in front of the Kaluga Icon of the Mother of God (which was at that time in the hands of the “renovationist” church). Every other icon of the Mother of God is also a shrine. Even if we had to suffer, we would not betray Orthodoxy. Adam had two sons: Cain and Abel. Abel and his descendants were closer to God, and in Him alone they found consolation and satisfaction, not striving for anything else. The descendants of Cain were far from God. Their minds and souls did not strive for Him. Therefore, they were not satisfied, they were sad, they looked for consolation in something else, hoping to find it in music, the arts, and the like. Monastic work must be secret. That is why the Holy Fathers call the Jesus Prayer “a hidden work.” Even from oneself one must keep it a secret, not blow the trumpet, as it is said in the Gospel, not only in front of others, but also in front of oneself. “All the nations have gone after me, and in the name of the Lord I have resisted them. They cheated me, and in the name of the Lord they resisted them. You have eaten me like bees on a honeycomb, and burned like fire among thorns, and in the name of the Lord you have resisted them.” (Ps. 117). These words refer to the Jesus Prayer. This is how to fight thoughts. If you completely rely on the will of God, then everything will be fine, and the unpleasant will be taken for granted. Everything that happens leads to the salvation of our souls, and at the same time great wisdom and depth are revealed. “Everything will work out for the good of those who love God.” (Rom.8:28) You must obey your spiritual father from the very first word, without forcing him to repeat what he said several times. I would like you, my spiritual children, to treat me with sincerity, according to your conscience. What a relationship we had with my elder, Father Barsanuphius! He would say, it used to be, “Do this, Father Nikolai,” and he didn’t have to repeat it. From the moment you receive the Holy Mysteries of Christ until you drink it, you must be careful not to spit. Out of reverence, they try to beware of spitting all this day, although there is no indication of this anywhere and there is no sin in it. How good it is to be in church, to hear sacred prayers, chants and psalms! What depth is hidden in the psalm and other sacred sayings! I loved monastery matins! Of course, it’s impossible for a reader to figure everything out, but even if one thought sticks, that’s good... One should not be vain about health, beauty, or other gifts of God... Everything earthly is fragile, both beauty and health. You need to thank the Lord, thank him with humility, recognizing your unworthiness, and not be vain about anything. Let none of you say: “Now I’ll live somehow, but when the appropriate conditions exist, then I will pray.” But how can you be sure that tomorrow you will be alive? Read Ignatius Brianchaninov in volume 3 (p. 141). We must not forget that only this day is given to you. You can't hope for tomorrow. Always remember: “Behold, now is the time favorable, behold, now is the day of salvation!” After the fall of the first man with such honor and glory, the Lord could not see His creation fall, could not see his humiliation, and saved him with His sufferings and His resurrection. He brought him to his previous state by “dissolving”, that is, with the opportunity to improve. This property of perfection is the highest good that we receive, spiritual, divine. Everything that is not difficult to achieve loses interest in itself once achieved. And spiritual improvement is endless. “Be ye perfect, even as My Father in heaven is perfect.” (Matthew 5:48) “The law of his God is in his heart, and his feet will not falter.” (Ps.36:31) How can we ensure that the law of God is in our hearts? First of all, God's law must be remembered. And in order to remember, you need to know it, either through what you hear or through what you read. And in order to know it, you must have a desire, a desire to know the law of God. But it is not enough to just know and remember the law of God. Cold, mental knowledge of God's law is lifeless. Only acceptance of God's law with the heart gives him life. Everyone has a corrupt heart, and therefore we must force ourselves to accept the law. “The Kingdom of God is in need, and only those in need delight it.” (Matthew 11:12) We must try so that our whole life, entirely, and not at certain hours and days, is built according to the law of God. We must arrange all our activities so that they are in agreement with the will of God. Only under such conditions will our heart be pure, and only “the pure in heart will see God.” By the word “world” we mean everything that is subject to passions, that is far from God. We feel good. God bless! We live in the desert of the world - we can go to church, we can talk with like-minded people. God bless! Treat all the people you meet on your life's path as you would like to be treated. One monk, left outside the monastery, began to think: “I won’t wear a rosary. I don’t pray for them, and maybe it will be my sin that I show something that is not what it is.” This is wrong. Although I don’t pray the rosary, I hold it in my hand. I’ll look at them and think: “I’m a monk, I have a vow to pray unceasingly, but I don’t pray.” I reproach myself, and this is for the good... One must love monastic clothing. You should not seek human truth, seek only God’s truth. The spiritual father, like a pillar, only shows the way, but you have to go yourself. If the spiritual father points, and his disciple himself does not move, then he will not go anywhere, but will rot at this pillar. From a worldly point of view, talents are considered to be intelligence, learning, musical or artistic ability. They are not sinful, and it is good when such ability is combined with Christian life, when they devote it to God. If this ability interferes with living according to God and saving your soul, then it should be abandoned. It’s better to be stupid and simpler, but to be saved. What good will it do you if you gain the whole world but lose your soul? “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for to them is the Kingdom of Heaven.” This must be understood this way: blessed are the humble, those who recognize their sinfulness, their unworthiness. The second follows from the first commandment: “Blessed are those who mourn.” He who recognizes himself as an unworthy sinner cries for his sins. But one who recognizes his unworthiness and weeps over his sins cannot be subject to anger. He will be meek, following the example of the Savior, Who said: “Learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart.” Those who fulfill the third commandment about freedom from anger and meekness will desire with all their souls the fulfillment of God’s righteousness and thus will fulfill the fourth commandment: “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.” By fulfilling all the commandments, a person’s heart becomes pure. "Blessed are the pure in heart." Fulfilling the commandments fills the soul with love for the Lord. No suffering endured for the sake of the Lord is painful. “Blessed are you when they revile you, persecute you and speak evil of you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for great is your reward in heaven. So they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” When the priest, blessing, says the prayer: “In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit,” then a mystery is accomplished: the grace of the Holy Spirit descends on the person being blessed. And when a person utters a renunciation of God only with his lips, grace departs from him, all his concepts change, he becomes completely different. If you, having come to someone’s house, are invited to the table and you know that these people sincerely want to treat you, then sit down and eat without embarrassment. And if you know that the invitation is being made out of decency, then beware. At present, the people of this century look at us, believers, as holy fools, as fools. They do not like our Orthodox faith, our church decrees, rules and rituals. They laugh contemptuously at everything that is sacred to us. I often hear from believers who are forced to live in the midst of a hostile world how difficult it is for them to endure constant ridicule and mockery. But I think that one should consider such an attitude an honor. “If you are rebuked because of the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the glory and Spirit of God rests on you” (1 Peter 4:14), said the Apostle Peter. If they laugh at us, if they don’t like us, then we are not of this world. We should not be upset or embarrassed by such an attitude towards us. Before you ask the Lord for forgiveness, you must forgive yourself. This is what it says in the Lord's Prayer. You consider yourself to be insensitive. But you are not offended by things that you are not interested in. If it touches what you value, you will be offended. Endure the hardships of monastic life for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. They come to the elder in order to break their evil will and find out the will of God. For your humble question, your Lord will reveal His will to your father. If we take everything that happens to heart, then we won’t even last a month. Silence is good for the soul. When we speak, it is difficult to refrain from idle talk and judgment. But there is bad silence, when someone is angry and therefore remains silent. Basil the Great says: “You read in order to educate yourself and instruct others when necessary.” If you know something, you can say it in a useful way, but not in the tone of a teacher. Always remember the law of spiritual life: if you are embarrassed by any shortcoming of another person and condemn him, you will subsequently suffer the same fate and you will suffer from the same shortcoming. Do not apply your hearts to the vanity of this world. Especially during prayer, leave all thoughts about worldly things. After prayer, at home or in church, in order to maintain a prayerful, tender mood of the soul, silence is necessary. Sometimes even a simple, apparently even insignificant word can disrupt and frighten away, like a bird, the tenderness from our soul. The nun belongs to God, and it is more useful for her to serve Him in a circle of like-minded sisters, but not in a worldly family, although close people. If a monk lives in the world, does not perform any feats and does not even wear monastic clothes, how does he differ from a layman? - With my love for monasticism. You can live in a monastery, apparently be a good monk, but not love monasticism. Such a person is no longer a monk. The Holy Fathers call the Jesus Prayer “teaching,” because if you practice it, it will cleanse your heart, and in a pure heart the Lord will write with His fingers everything you need to know. No amount of reading, even if you read many volumes of sacred books, can give you the knowledge that heartfelt prayer gives. Never judge anyone. Meet everyone, no matter who he is, with a good feeling, with the hope of finding one good thing in him, seeing the image of God before you. We are weak. We can't do anything on our own. Whatever great thing there is, it is all external, earthly. Everything, by the will of God and by His inscrutable destinies, turns into nothing. Everything is temporary, and we must cherish it, since it serves us to save our soul. This alone must always be remembered and this alone, the salvation of one’s soul, must be taken care of, and everything else must be surrendered to the will of God. You must humble yourself. It is better to read not the entire prayer rule, due to lack of time, but with attention. Terrible words are spoken in the Holy Scripture: “Cursed is everyone who does the Lord’s work with negligence.” (Jer.48:10) A person chosen by God is recognized by the fact that sorrows and sorrows are constantly sent to him. “People are not good at work, for this reason their pride will prevail to the end.” (Ps. 72:5-6) We must live in labors and sorrows, we must receive wounds. To fast means to revere. Behave reverently before communion of the Holy Mysteries, walk as if in the presence of God. Monks, who must reverence at all times, “prepare” before communion. To realize, to see the beauty of spiritual life, it must be experienced. Most of our sins come from the fact that we forget God's commandments. There is such a church tradition that if joy and peace are felt at the tomb of the deceased, then one can hope that the deceased is pleasing to God, that his life was righteous. Self-justification closes spiritual eyes, and then a person sees something other than what actually exists. If you say something bad about your brother or sister, even if it is true, then you will inflict an incurable wound on your soul. You can convey the mistakes of another only if the only intention in your heart is the benefit of the soul of the sinner. Patience is uninterrupted complacency. Your salvation and your destruction are in your neighbor. Your salvation depends on how you treat your neighbor. Do not forget to see the image of God in your neighbor. Do every task, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you, carefully, as before the Face of God. Remember that the Lord sees everything. Without humility you cannot be saved. Whatever edifice of virtue you erect will collapse without humility. Have a general feeling of repentance. Have humility. Endure everything that the Lord sends to you, and He, the Merciful, will accept your repentance and have mercy on you. Reading these statements of Father Nikon, the little of the little that has been preserved in the records of his spiritual children, one can immediately see the spiritual wealth that the Lord awarded him. And although they were written down from memory and therefore, perhaps, not entirely accurate, you can still see how precious they are, even more so because they were pronounced in our time, close to us, questions that were most incomprehensible and incompatible with the world around us were clarified. “He himself clearly saw the truth of Christ and was firmly convinced of it, and with the same clarity, vividness, simplicity and persuasiveness he knew how to communicate and explain it. “His words were simple, intelligible to everyone and effective, for the Holy Spirit spoke through his mouth” (St. Demetrius of Rostov). The effectiveness of his words was partly facilitated by his natural intelligence and the secular and spiritual education he received (in the monastery), but the main strength lay, without a doubt, in the illumination of the Holy Spirit, which illuminated his whole life. Father Nikon's Day, in connection with his pastoral activities, was busy to capacity. By the end of the day he was tired to the point of exhaustion and, receiving the last visitor, he could barely sit. To Mother Ambrosia, respecting her with dignity and trusting her more than anyone, he openly said more than once that “he often regrets the inability to devote himself entirely to prayer and other monastic deeds, as happened before when he lived in a monastery.” Apparently, he had neither time nor energy left to complete the entire monastic rule of prayer. With sorrow, he once told her that, turning to the patristic books for clarification of this issue that troubled his conscience, he found contradictory statements in them. John Climacus quotes the words of Ephraim the Syrian to Shepherd Nicholas: “It is harmful to want to lead others.” Arseny the Great says: “I love you, brothers, but I cannot be with you and with God.” And the Holy Gospel says: “What good is it to you, if you gain the whole world, but lose your soul.” (Matthew 16:26) and (Mark 8:36) Elder Nektarios responded to this question that embarrassed Father Nikon that “there is no need to leave the post to which he was not placed without the will of God,” and that “there is nothing more destructive for a monk than to organize his life according to his own intelligence.” He trusted Elder Nektarios more than anyone else, knowing his special powers of observation and ability to understand the essence of things before foreseeing the future. Father Nikon, having heard this answer, decided to rely entirely on the will of God, believing that the pastoral burden placed on him against his will was laid by God Himself. His constant desire was to live in solitude, to spend a silent life in prayer and reading the works of the holy fathers. The yoke of clergy was so heavy that sometimes he had thoughts of “playing a fool,” giving up everything, freeing himself from rumors and hiding from the whole world. But these thoughts were just running through my mind. Of his own free will, he did not want and could not allow such an act. His spiritual mood always remained basically the same - to live in obedience, completely surrendering to the will of God. He often recalled the words of his elder Barsanuphius about the heavy burden of clergy. Now he himself knew for himself how heavy this burden was. Looking mentally at the feat of his elder, who until the end of his days did not descend from the cross and accepted everything placed on him by people as from the hand of the Lord, he, as an exemplary follower of his mentor, steadily walked along the same difficult but saving path of obedience to the will of God. What deep faith in God’s Providence, what fidelity, and courage, and love for God filled his holy soul! One can only be surprised, in awe and thank the Lord, who gives us, sinners, meetings with such people!.. Once a week, and sometimes less often, depending on the weather and state of health, Father Nikon went to Optina Pustyn. During the existence of the museum, the monastery from the outside remained almost unchanged. The museum maintained and preserved its original appearance as much as possible. Father Nikon, entering the land of the monastery, inhaling its fragrant air, rested his soul. In the early mornings, when no people were visible and silence reigned around, he, having prayed at the deserted churches, went to the grave of his dear and ever-memorable elder Barsanuphius, and then to the graves of other elders, asking them for blessings and holy prayers. And involuntary sadness about the lost earthly paradise filled his soul. Memories of the past, joyful and sorrowful, flashed through his mind. But he was a man of strong spirit and, always seeing God Almighty before him, seeing His Providence in everything that happens, although incomprehensible to us, but always good and perfect in everything, he calmly looked at everything, completely surrendering everything and everyone to the will of God. Usually, Father Nikon went to Optina Pustyn on those days when there was no appointment at the outpatient clinic of the Optina district hospital. His two spiritual daughters, his sisters, Irina and Anastasia, who worked there, lived at the hospital. Father Nikon found shelter with them. Here, in silence, in his dear Optina, he rested. Wrote letters, read, prayed. No one and nothing disturbed his privacy. Silence, blessed, holy silence surrounded him. Only the beautiful pine trees, with powerful, slightly downward-sloping branches, broke the silence with their dull noise. The mass graves in the “new cemetery”, near the hospital, could be seen from the window and these pine trees. “Great silence! Great, holy silence, because it is holy because God is in it. It reveals to people their soul, and in it - God...” Father Nikon rested both soul and body, surrounded by this saving silence. He greatly valued the opportunity to be in Optina, in the silence, comforting and healing... Sometimes, when he was in Optina, he visited the monks and nuns living there. He also went to the Skete. There, in the apiary, lived two Optina monks. They guarded Skeet. And a certain Taube Mikhail Mikhailovich lived with them. When a museum was opened in Optina Pustyn, he was sent as head of the library. The monastery and skete libraries were combined. They were considered museums mainly because they contained ancient, 16th-17th century manuscripts and other unique printed works. M. M. Taube did not stay in this position for long. He was dismissed as "unfit for purpose" and as an "alien element." But even though he was fired, he did not leave Optina, but remained to live in the apiary in the silence and solitude of Skete. He was a wonderfully bright personality. He was originally from Gatchina. A comprehensively educated, knowledgeable several languages, highly cultured and secularly educated person, he, as it turned out later, was secretly tonsured into a mantle with the name Agapit, unknown when and by whom. Father Nikon did not have close spiritual communication with him, although he knew his high spiritual mood. But, by the will of God, it was Father Agapit who had to be Father Nikon’s companion in later life. During Lent 1924, Father Nikon, at the request of his aged mother, went to Moscow to visit her. In 1925, all his spiritual children were alarmed by the news that reached them that Father Nikon was supposed to be summoned to Moscow to ordain him as a bishop. When they expressed their concern and grief to him about this, he answered them: “I will not abandon you of my own free will...” In all likelihood, this was supposed to happen in the end, for “a city cannot hide on top of a mountain while standing, they burn a lamp below and put it in a secret place, but in a candlestick, so that it may shine for everyone who is in the church”... (Matthew 5:14-15) “It was clear to everyone that God had chosen it not for silent deeds in the solitude and silence of the monastery cell, but for in order to place him high on the priesthood of the Church”, as worthy, “so that with his grace-filled gifts, good deeds and holy life he would shine upon the believers as a shepherd”... Even in that long-gone time, when he was a skete novice Nicholas, Elder Barsanuphius, partly foreseeing the future appointment of Father Nikon in serving the Holy Church, warned him in advance “not to be exalted in knowledge, but always to remain in humility of thought.” He taught him not to lose heart in the sorrows that inevitably awaited him, but to endure them courageously, never complaining to anyone about the misfortunes that befall him. Yes, all this could happen. But God's destinies are inscrutable. By the time described, the persecution of the Church and its ministers intensified. News of arrests, imprisonments and exiles of clergy came more and more often. Many churches of the Kaluga diocese have become deserted. Services were not performed in them due to a lack of priests. In order to preserve parish churches in rural areas and prevent their closure, Bishop Feofan of Kaluga ordered Archimandrite Father Isaac to send all hierodeacons and monks who have the right to take holy orders to ordain them. All the newly initiated were placed in parishes. In the churches of Kozelsk, where the monks served and sang, the absence of many immediately became noticeable. The monastic choir has thinned out. There are no hierodeacons left. Concerned about rumors of widespread arrests, the spiritual children of Father Nikon turned to him with a request to take photographs for them. He willingly fulfilled their request and distributed his photographs to everyone who wanted them. It cannot be said that this photograph, preserved to this day by his spiritual children, turned out to be particularly successful. The living image of Father Nikon was incomparably superior to the photograph, because his face shone with the beauty of inner beauty, shone with spiritual beauty, which is not captured in photographs. However, he was also physically handsome. Bright blue eyes and a white face with a gentle blush, framed by a small, narrow, reddish-brown beard and thick, long, wavy hair, caught everyone’s attention with an inexplicable expression, characteristic only of blessed people, of unceasing joy and sedate importance, so to speak. It was as if he were carrying in his hands a vessel filled to the brim with some precious moisture, carrying it so carefully, so carefully, afraid to drop even a drop of this moisture, which exceeds any thought about the price... His smiling face shone with the light of a beautiful soul. It all shone from within with an inner, Divine light, invisible and at the same time visible... The year 1926 has arrived. In June of this year, Father Nikon, having received the news that his mother had fallen ill with an illness leading to death, hurried to Moscow. He found his mother still conscious. She recognized him and, looking at her dear son with fading eyes and a smile, did not let go of his hand from her hands and kept kissing it, saying goodbye... Father Nikon stayed in Moscow for about two weeks and, having buried his mother, returned to Kozelsk. From Moscow, he wrote to Father Kirill about how painful it was for him to be in a worldly environment, albeit in his own family. With sorrow he saw that faith had become impoverished in his family, that those close to him in the flesh had become strangers in spirit. His God-loving monastic soul was outraged by the conversations of his relatives, alien to him in content, outraged by the costumes and behavior of women, unchildish interests of children, and much more. The only link with the family was the mother. Since her death, family ties have completely disintegrated. He was glad when he returned to Kozelsk, to his quiet cell, he was glad to communicate with like-minded and unanimous people. Sharing his impressions after a trip to Moscow, Father Nikon said: “My mother was a deeply religious person and always kept the Lord’s commandments in her heart. Therefore, her death does not cause me grief. There is a church tradition that says that if you feel joy and peace at the tomb of a deceased person, then you can hope that this person is pleasing to God, that his life was righteous. Not every death can be said to be blessed. My mother's death was truly blessed. About her I can say: “I passed away, I kept the faith.” At my mother’s grave, when I read the Psalter, and also during the funeral service, I felt neither fear, nor melancholy or sadness, but, on the contrary, peace and joy. Through the blessed death of my mother, I did not lose her, but gained her... In October of the same year, 1926, thieves climbed into the Kozelsky Cathedral Church at night. Having robbed the meager church treasury and blasphemously defiled the altar, the thieves disappeared. The rector of the cathedral, Father Sergius, shocked by what happened, turning to the parishioners with a request for financial help, concluded his appeal with the words: “I don’t know how we’ll live out life.” God give us patience... And he had very little time to live and endure. Two days after this sad incident, Father Sergius died suddenly. Death crushed him in literally three minutes. After the death of Father Sergius, at a general meeting of the church council and parishioners, everyone unanimously asked Father Nikon to take the position of rector, but he avoided this proposal and, for his part, nominated the second cathedral priest, Father Grigory Nikolsky, and the Optina hieromonk Aifal (in the world Alexander Panaev) was temporarily appointed in his place. He was a wonderful monk, a true fulfiller of the commandments of Christ and a servant of Christ, one of the few in his deepest humility. Subsequently, he, along with others, was exiled. Having served his term of exile, returning to his native land, on the way he was beaten half to death by robbers who attacked him, and died from beatings in a local hospital, thus receiving the crown of martyrdom. Eternal memory to you, ever-memorable and venerable holy father, example of humility, patience, meekness and gentleness!.. Thou hast tempted us, O God, thou hast kindled us as silver is kindled, thou hast brought us into a net, thou hast placed sorrow on our backbone, thou hast raised men upon our heads. I passed through fire and water, and brought you to rest. Day after day, week after week, time fled, and so the year 1926 passed unnoticed and sank into eternity. The year 1927 came, and time fled just as imperceptibly, externally seemingly calm, internally full of anxious anticipation of imminent disasters to come. In the first days of June of this year, what everyone feared and what everyone fearfully expected happened. One clear, fine June morning, Father Nikon, along with Father Kirill, was arrested and imprisoned. In the first time after his arrest, everyone was so stunned and shocked by what had happened, the hearts and thoughts of everyone were so filled with a general feeling of sorrow that there was neither time nor strength left to think about what had happened. Only later, when time applied its healing plaster and softened the pain, did it become clear, in so far as it was possible, the situation created in the days preceding the arrest of Father Nikon, which may have accelerated his arrest. The fact is that the Optina Pustyn Museum, by virtue of the powers given to it, tried to preserve the monastery as much as possible as a monument of the past, was disliked by the local authorities, mainly because it was subordinate to some kind of “Glavnauka” and did not depend on the local authorities. In addition, the local authorities considered the museum's possessions - forest, buildings, land and other assets - their property. In general, the issue of the museum's ownership was controversial, and they were only waiting for the right moment to liquidate the museum or, at least, deprive it of its land holdings. The museum was like an eyesore for them. Shortly before the arrests, the museum received two letters from abroad. One letter was from Germany through the Society for Cultural Relations with Foreign Countries. In it, some scientists, apparently historians, asked the museum to give them an answer whether the writer F. M. Dostoevsky in his world-famous novel “The Brothers Karamazov” depicted Optina Pustyn and took the Optina Elder Ambrose as the prototype for Elder Zosima. The second letter was from the Bulgarian or Serbian monastery. The address on the envelope was: “Optina Pustyn. His Reverend Father Archimandrite." In the letter, some spiritual fathers asked for information about the manuscripts of the 16th–17th centuries stored in the library of Optina Pustyn, in particular, the manuscripts of the Moldavian elder Paisius Velichkovsky, who laid the foundation for the eldership in Russia. It is unknown whether a response was given to the first letter. After all, in those years, there was essentially no connection with abroad, and even a hint of a connection gave rise to suspicion. In response to the second letter, the head of the museum only laughed, surprised at the ignorance of those who sent the letter. He was an unbeliever, and the ancient manuscripts of some elder Paisius were of little interest to him. They did not pay much attention to the letters and soon forgot about them, but meanwhile, it must be assumed that they served as a sufficient reason to “slam” the museum. Behind the Optina monks, especially Father Nikon, a prominent figure both in the monastery and in the agricultural artel, and later, during his life in Kozelsk, secret surveillance was established. The pastoral activities of Father Nikon and his ever-increasing popularity were well known. His regular visits to Optina Pustyn, connections with the monks working in the museum and other persons, his spiritual children, were also no secret. The Optina monks, and first of all Father Nikon, were doomed. Father Nikon was not alone in being arrested. On the same morning, perhaps at the same hour, the head of the museum and the head of the estate - the museum's economy - were arrested. At the same time, Mikhail Mikhailovich Taube and some others were arrested... On the eve of his arrest, Father Nikon spent the day in Optina Pustyn. Returning to Kozelsk in the evening, he instructed his sister Anastasia to bring the letters he had written in the morning of the next day. Opening the gate of the house where Nikon’s father lived, she saw a policeman standing in the yard at the porch. Guessing that there was trouble in the house, she ran back. They saw her, caught up with her, took away her letters and arrested her. It is unknown how Father Nikon spent his last night of freedom. Apparently, he was ready for anything, because he met the unexpected and uninvited guests with an imperturbably calm look. It took a lot of time to search. Father Nikon sat, outwardly looking quite calmly at the destruction of his cell and waiting for the end. When they announced his arrest, he calmly asked what things he should take with him. It was already about seven o'clock in the morning when Father Nikon and Father Kirill, with towels in their hands (for some reason they were allowed to take only towels), walked under escort along the still deserted streets of the city towards the prison. In the back, on a cart, they carried Father Nikon’s books, whatever could be packed. Some of the books fell out of the loaded cart, and the books fell into the roadside dust. Books of spiritual content were one of the strongest material evidence in agitation and propaganda of ideas incompatible with communism. It was bitter to look at this picture. And now, after many years, my heart involuntarily shrinks with pity when I remember this meeting. It is unnecessary to describe in detail the grief and confusion, completely understandable feelings without description, that gripped the hearts of all who know and love Father Nikon. Crying and sobbing reigned in many houses in the city and its environs. Somehow we managed to find out that Father Nikon and others arrested with him would be sent to Kaluga on the evening train. The sun was setting to the west, and the quiet, warm June day was ending when his many spiritual children, mostly women, hurried along the paths leading to the station and took a last look at Father Nikon. In the 3rd class hall (at that time such a division still existed), Father Nikon sat on a filthy wooden sofa, and on his sides were Father Kirill and M. M. Taube (Father Agapit). Opposite this group stood a crowd of women with tear-stained faces, looking with sorrow at their father and mentor. It was not allowed to get close to those arrested. The train arrived. The arrested were placed in a carriage. The fateful moment came - the train started moving. Father Nikon was sitting by the window. For the last time he blessed everyone who was crying and sobbing, and his face, pale from the emotions he was experiencing, and still calmly calm, disappeared forever... The day after the arrest of Father Nikon, some of his spiritual children hurried to Kaluga and brought the things necessary for him. After all, he was sent away on the evening of the day of his arrest and was not even given the opportunity to take anything. The sad days dragged on. The entire life of his spiritual children, sincerely devoted to Father Nikon, was built on obedience. Having lost it, they, in the full sense of the word, became orphans. Black clouds hung over everyone. They accumulated, became thicker, darker and more impenetrable... Sorrow knew no bounds. But from time to time, between the clouds carrying a thunderstorm, a storm, a hurricane, sweeping away and destroying everything in its path, gaps flickered... In the souls of everyone who loved Father Nikon, immersed in the darkness of sadness, a bright ray of hope glimmered, hope that the dark clouds would disperse, the sun would shine through and the clear day of a joyful meeting with their beloved mentor would sparkle again. Only this timid hope, instilling cheerfulness, nourished and strengthened the souls oppressed by sadness. At first, in addition to their usual prayer rule, the orphaned children of Father Nikon read an akathist to St. Nicholas. They prayed, prayed and... cried. Soon after the arrest of Father Nikon, Mother Ambrosia, with the blessing of Archimandrite Isaac, traveled to Moscow. Four brothers of Nikon’s father lived in Moscow. Mother Ambrosia was given the address of her younger brother, Ivan, who had once, in the days of her youth, been a novice of the Optina Skete. She was traveling with the goal of informing Father Nikon’s relatives about what had happened, considering it her Christian duty. Ivan received the news of his brother's arrest coldly. Gave him a few rubles to give to him. Mother Ambrosia observed with chagrin the unfortunate change that changed Ivan’s appearance beyond recognition. Both he and his wife, apparently, were completely immersed in one material thing. There are not even traces left of that spiritual young man to whom Mother Ambrosia, who was a doctor during the war of 1914, drew attention when she met him at the front 28 . In order to be able to convey everything that Father Nikon needed, some of his spiritual children remained to live in Kaluga for the entire time he was in prison. Contact was established with Kozelsk. Everyone took part in the programs. They gave whatever they could - money, food and things, in most cases tearing away from themselves the few crumbs on which they fed themselves. From these crumbs the programs were compiled. The spiritual children of Father Nikon, who permanently live in Kaluga, also took an active part in the programs. When returning the dishes, Father Nikon usually wrote small notes, notifying that he had received what he had sent, adding a few words of gratitude and consolation. While in prison, he did not forget his pastoral duty there, and whenever the opportunity presented itself, he did not miss the opportunity to give instructions or reminders to any of his spiritual children participating in the programs. By the way, for a long time they wondered why Father Nikon always asked to bring jelly, which was not very sweet. As it turned out, he stuck small notes with them, sometimes several pieces at once. All his letters, as always, breathed with cheerfulness and hope for a better future, with dedication of himself and everyone to the will of God. In prison, Father Nikon was placed in a common cell. The composition of the prisoners there was very diverse. Among them were clergy, priests and monks. There were fewer of them, and they all tried, if possible, to stay separate from the others. For Father Nikon, it would have been incomparably easier to endure the burden of imprisonment in the company of like-minded people, even in solitary confinement. It must be assumed that for him the most difficult thing in the current situation was not so much the deprivation of freedom as being in the company of people who were alien in spirit. Tribulation is the lot of the righteous. Father Nikon, who had hitherto always said that he had not experienced sorrowful circumstances, entered a period of life that was sorrowful, painful, painful in all respects. The prison sharply disrupted the way of life that was familiar and dear to his heart. Staying in a stuffy, smoky cell, the inability to be alone and be with oneself, the inability to follow the prayer rule, conversations that offended the ears and disturbed the soul, and much, much more was a torment that is familiar only to those who have experienced all this themselves. Father Nikon endured everything, like the long-suffering Job, whose troparion always touched his God-loving soul. How difficult the situation around him was in this regard can be judged by the fact that, with all his great patience and restraint, in one of his letters he wrote a phrase that said it all: “Oh, how difficult it is here morally! Will we soon be dining at home, among our kindred spirits?..” It was a cry, perhaps involuntarily escaping, the cry of a suffering soul, for a long time, daily and hourly, oppressed by a situation that was hateful and disgusting for its spiritual structure. In addition, incomparably greater sorrow was caused to Father Nikon by the news that reached him about unworldliness and discord among his spiritual children that arose in connection with his arrest. At the root of the discord was, without a doubt, the malice of our common enemy - the devil, who sows the seeds of hostility wherever possible. The obvious reason was the sisters Anastasia and Irina, the same ones with whom Father Nikon vacationed in Optina Pustyn. At the instigation of the devil, poor Nastya was accused of everything, even to the point that she was the culprit in the arrest of Father Nikon. They said with conviction that if she had not appeared at the hour of arrest with letters and had not run from the policeman, Father Nikon would not have been arrested. It can be partly assumed that ill will towards these sisters had been lurking in the souls of some for a long time. The fact that Father Nikon found rest only with them, and not anywhere else, gave rise to secret envy of them. When disaster struck, passions flared up. Of course, all these accusations and speculations were ridiculous and unfounded. Unrest, disputes and strife among spiritual children, in particular over the right to make broadcasts, and mainly because of sister Nastya, deeply upset Father Nikon and caused him considerable grief and suffering. It was bitter for him to see that the seeds of goodness, which he sowed without sparing his strength, fell on barren soil, were destroyed by birds and trampled by passers-by. But knowing and firmly believing that a certain time must pass between sowing and harvest and that what is sown requires careful and patient care, even from prison he continued to work zealously on cultivating his field. From prison he sent a letter in which he wrote: “I have heard rumors about the unworldliness of my spiritual children. The enemy of the human race inspires in some people the idea that mothers Irina and Anastasia are to blame for what happened, and they, succumbing to this enemy thought, not only think so, but also tell others. As a spiritual father, I forbid speaking like that and, if you persist, I will impose penance. Let everyone know that this is the will of God, before which we must humble ourselves and revere. Thank God for everything!.. I think that mothers Irina and Anastasia are suffering because of me. They are not to blame... My heart aches for all of you, my spiritual children... And I expected that common grief would unite everyone with love for the Lord... If anyone wants the grief that befell us to benefit him, he must blame himself and no one else for it. Everyone should think that they are suffering for their sins. Thus, he who thinks and humbly endures will receive the mercy of God... God is love. And all malice, no matter how plausible a reason it may be hidden behind, is disgusting to Him. She is disgusting to me too... Once again I ask you to stop all your human guesses, and therefore erroneous, about the causes of our grief... I ask and beg you to come to your senses... If you humble yourself and tolerate our separation, you can receive great benefit, but grumbling, unreasonable rejection of the will of God harms the soul...” Soon Nikon’s father was assigned to work in the hospital office of the prison. This gave him the opportunity to spend most of the day outside the cell, and this gave him some relief and comfort. The window of the office where he worked was visible from the mountain (the prison is located on the outskirts of the city, under the mountain). Some of his spiritual children stood on this mountain for a long time, waiting for them to see the face of Father Nikon and his blessing hand through the window. Father Nikon, on the part of his spiritual children, was surrounded by the most attentive care and love throughout his stay in prison. Everything he needed was delivered without delay. Taking advantage of this advantage, he helped others who were prisoners with him as much as he could, sharing with them money, food and things, for among them there were those who did not have the opportunity to receive help from outside. In the fall of 1927, there were rumors that the investigation into the case of Father Nikon was coming to an end. Having learned about this, nun Ambrosia hurried to Kaluga to see Father Nikon, receive a blessing, and maybe hear a few parting words. On the day appointed for visits, nun Ambrosia stood with others in front of the prison gates. She had little hope that she would be able to see Father Nikon, since the main participant in the programs, who had no special disposition towards her, was in charge of everything. But the Lord, to her great joy, arranged it so that she not only saw Father Nikon, but also received a blessing from him and said goodbye to him. In addition, he managed to give her the book without being noticed. Hiding it in the wide sleeve of her monastic robe, she hurried to the exit. The book turned out to be the fifth volume of the works of Bishop Ignatius Brianchaninov. The book contained a package with small, neatly taped notes addressed to many spiritual children. Each note contained several sayings corresponding to the spiritual dispensation of a particular sister. This book, at the request of Father Nikon, was given to prison by one of his spiritual daughters living in Kaluga, and he prudently preferred to return it to the nun Ambrosia for transfer to the owner. The most precious thing was that in this book Father Nikon wrote explanations of the text, additions and instructions on blank pages and margins. These records were precious because they could not have been more in keeping with the current spirit of the times. They were like a testament, the last, final words of a mentor and father. Even in prison, in a common cell, among people of the most diverse character and beliefs, Father Nikon did not abandon his pastoral duty. His thoughts and heart were still full of care and love for his children in spirit, entrusted to him by the Lord. What love it was necessary to have for God and His sacred covenants about love for others, what a courageous soul of a martyr, what a firm confession, so that in such a difficult situation not to lose heart, not to grow cold, not to forget your duty and your vows before God! The saying of one holy father becomes quite clear and understandable: “The martyrs had the boldness to confess faith in Christ and endure torment because they had undoubted faith and a good conscience” (Life of the Holy Martyr Kikilia, November 22). If you expel Me, you will be expelled. Like gold in the crucible, test them and find them worthy of yourself. The investigation was coming to an end. Until the very last moment, when the court decision was announced to Father Nikon and others imprisoned at the same time, he did not know what awaited him. Knowing that he had not committed anything illegal either in word or deed, he fully hoped for a better outcome. He hoped until the last, decisive minute to see people close and dear to him. At the end of autumn, he wrote to Father Gerontius, who settled in his apartment, so that the premises would be left behind him, and even made an order to prepare the necessary products for the winter season. Winter has come. Father Nikon was still languishing in prison. And suddenly, on the feast of the Nativity of Christ, January 7, 1928, Father Nikon sent a letter written in his usual calm tone: “Peace and God’s blessing to you,” he wrote. - By the will of God we will have to part. The stage is in about a month... If the Lord judges me to leave places dear to my heart and people close to me, let His holy will be done!..” What followed was a list of the things necessary for him, which he asked to be delivered. At the end of the letter, he asked for blessings and holy prayers from Bishop Micah, Archimandrite Isaac and all his fathers and brothers, and said goodbye to them... The human heart gets used to everything. Even in the most sorrowful circumstances there is a mysterious force within him that makes a person live. The hearts of all those who loved Father Nikon, who experienced the pain of separation, were supported by the knowledge that their beloved mentor was not far from them, healthy and from time to time comforting them with his letters. No one expected that Father Nikon would be released from prison, because then there was no time to hope for this. But in the depths of their souls, many had a glimmer of hope that he would be sent to remote parts of the country, for “free deportation,” as they expressed it at that time. These were allowed to freely go home to get things, say goodbye to family and friends, and arrive at their designated place of residence by a certain time. Apparently, Father Nikon himself hoped for this. The received news about the “stage” struck everyone like thunder. The “stage” was the worst of everything, except for the execution. Father Nikon was sentenced to three years in the Solovki concentration camp. Father Agapit also went there with him. Father Kirill, who had been suffering from pulmonary tuberculosis for a long time, together with his sister Nastya and others, was exiled to Kazakhstan for three years with the right to live freely. The authorities of the former Optina Pustyn museum received the lightest punishment for uncommitted crimes. They were given the right to live and work freely throughout the entire territory of the Soviet Union, except for six regions, “minus six,” as they said then. On the day of departure of the “stage”, January 27, a crowd of spiritual children and admirers of Father Nikon gathered at the Kaluga station, seeing him off on his last, distant and unknown journey. Everyone knew that this path was strewn with thorns of suffering, and everyone’s hearts were filled with understandable sorrow. At the end of February, the first letter from Leningrad was received from Father Nikon, on the way to his destination. In it, he, consoling his loved ones, among other things, wrote: “Until now the Lord has not abandoned me with His mercy. Everything is endured easily and calmly, and good people are found everywhere. Communicating with them makes every situation easier...” The last phrase, for those who know how to read carefully, clearly spoke of the extent to which this “situation” was difficult. In March the stage arrived in Kem. A cyclone sweeping over the White Sea interrupted communications with Solovetsky Island for a long time. For this reason, the newly arrived party of exiles was temporarily left at the Kem transit point “Kemperpunkt”. Inseparable from now on, Father Nikon and Father Agapit settled in the same barracks, next to each other, on the same bunks. Father Nikon, after a medical examination of the new arrivals, was released from heavy physical work due to a sore leg. He was assigned to be the guard of some warehouses. And Father Agapit was often sent on “business trips” to the forest along with other prisoners, and then Father Nikon was left alone among many... Father Nikon was quite pleased with his work as a watchman. During the eight to nine hours of his duty, he was alone, away from people, and had the opportunity to pray mentally, and think alone with himself, and even read a little. Seven to eight hours were spent sleeping, and the rest of the time passed unnoticed in preparing dinner and other everyday matters. The prisoners prepared lunch for themselves. Twice a month they were given food rations, which were quite meager, but they had the opportunity to buy everything they needed at the nearest shop for money - white bread, sugar, butter, and even canned food. Father Nikon wrote, if possible, quite often from his life in exile. The rule was this: prisoners could receive letters without restrictions, and they themselves had the right to send only one closed letter per week or two postcards. Father Nikon preferred to write postcards. His letters were invariably filled with cheerfulness, with surrender of himself and everyone to the will of God. Despite the cheerful tone of the letters, sometimes it was clearly possible to understand to what extent the created situation was difficult and painful for him. Not to mention sweet Optina, this irretrievably lost earthly paradise, he recalled with regret his cozy apartment in Kozelsk, believing that “for his sins he is not worthy of a quiet life”... He has not complained about his health since the day of his arrest. There were no deviations in his health, and his sore leg bothered him relatively little; the wound never opened. His spiritual children and admirers who were orphaned did not forget him. They often wrote letters and sent parcels, and the parcels were both individual and general. Whoever could bring anything to nun Ambrosia’s apartment. These offerings were used to make up the parcel that nun Ambrose sent on her own behalf. Thanks to this, Father Nikon did not feel an acute need for money, clothing, or food, like many others. He brotherly shared everything sent to him with Father Agapit, a lonely man, until they were separated. One must think that he did not ignore other people in need and always helped everyone. This can be seen from the fact that, while in Kaluga prison, he often asked to send money, clothes, linen and other things, even such as a tobacco pouch, at the request of people sent into exile. In August 1928, Father Agapit was sent on a long “business trip”, somewhere in the forest. Father Nikon was left alone, with God, and, not receiving news from Father Agapit, completely lost sight of him. In April 1929, Father Nikon from the city of Kemi was transferred to another place - Popov Island in the Karelian Republic. There he worked in the camp office as an accountant. This work was familiar to him and did not burden him. He only regretted that, due to the nature of his work, he had little time left for prayer and reading the Holy Scriptures. In this regard, working as a watchman was incomparably better. Father Nikon's life in the concentration camp, in general, was monotonous. There were no significant impressions. Checking, working, eating, sleeping, checking... And so on day after day. The only gratifying impression was the opportunity to correspond with people near and dear to his heart. It was a stream of fresh air that rushed into the stuffy room. Occasionally, spiritual consolations were possible in that lush place. Congratulating his loved ones on Easter, he wrote that he celebrated the holiday “in peace and consolation, both spiritual and external...”. In his letters, he sent blessings to everyone who knew and revered him, by name, asking carefully about his mental and physical condition. Whenever possible, he gave advice and guidance to those who asked. He wrote that “although we are separated in body, we are always together in spirit.” His letters sometimes contained wonderful words. Here are the briefest excerpts from all of his surviving letters, dating back to 1922, that have caught the most attention. Brief sayings from the letters of Father Nikon “The passion of vanity destroys faith in the human heart.” “Although now there are no monasteries, the monastic vow must remain in the soul, for it was given to God, for monasticism was, is and will be.” “Confession is a spiritual judgment. The confessor at confession is a judge. A judge cannot judge himself. Therefore, such a confession is unacceptable.” “Purity of heart is achieved by keeping the commandments of God, without which spiritual life is generally unthinkable. It is necessary to fight passions and cleanse the heart of passions. Humility is necessary as an unshakable foundation.” “By patience you must obtain your salvation. Patience is necessary. In other words, a cross is necessary.” “Victory over passions is accomplished by the power of God. Our weak strength is not sufficient for this. We must humbly admit this and through humility attract God’s mercy and help to ourselves.” “For the eternal fate of the dying, the appearance of the burial matters little.” “The fate of all who want to be saved is to suffer. Therefore, even if we suffer, let us rejoice, for our salvation is being accomplished.” “The location doesn’t help. You can’t get away from yourself.” “You can and should take care of your body, but not with your soul, as it is said in the Gospel.” “As a person I am nothing, but as a priest I have the grace of the priesthood and act as this grace gives me.” “We must understand the spirit of the times and not get carried away by previous concepts and impressions, which are currently impossible to implement. The importance is in Christianity, not in monasticism. Monasticism is important to the extent that it leads to perfect Christianity.” “Before you do anything, pray and think about whether it will be reasonable and pleasing to God.” “The Lord does not allow temptations beyond our measure and strength.” “Although we must turn to people for mental and physical help, we must expect success in these appeals from the hand of the Lord.” “Although I am a sinner, I am still a monk and yet I am God’s and I am entirely in the hands of God.” “You can never rely on a person. This is a great and fatal mistake. Without God's determination, a person will not protect or console. Man is powerless without God's help." “Be patient, be patient, for the Lord’s sake, the yoke of Christ.” “What I have done and am doing, I do according to the grace of the priesthood given to me. I received this grace in all respects, that is, both in material terms, for grace cannot be bought, and in moral terms, for I am truly unworthy of such a great gift. I tremble and ask the Lord to help me use this gift according to its high purpose.” “Enter the church as if you were entering the house of God. And be in the church, as in the house of God, with the consciousness of the presence of God, moving away from all freedom and recklessness.” “Do not value what people who are alien to our church spirit will say.” “Continuous prayer is a gift from God.” “The only correct mood during the Jesus Prayer is repentance and contrition for sins, alien to any condemnation and attention to the lives of other people.” “My child! Only with the Lord and in the Lord can you find peace of mind. Your tormented soul can only find joy in the Lord, in repentance and correction of life. Sin kills a person's soul with its poison. The soul is resurrected from the life-giving effect of repentance. When you repent, then you will see in your own experience the truth of my words. May all despondency be far away from you. The Lord stretches out His most holy hands, ready to receive you, like every other sinner who repents into the arms of the Father. If the Lord does not reject repentant sinners, like the publican, like the harlot, like Paul the Apostle, St. Mary of Egypt and many others, then neither will the Orthodox priest reject you. Just repent, just say from your heart: “Forgive those who have sinned!” The Lord, the Angels, and the men of God will rejoice at your repentance. Their stagnation in sins saddens them. So, approach the Lord in humility and repentance, leave the passion for sin, taste the cup of repentance and see the goodness of God, for it is said: Taste and see that the Lord is good. ( Ps. 33:9 ) May the Lord give you understanding!” “If for the sake of need you have to do something worldly, but not sinful, of course, then endure it, considering it a punishment for sins. Don't annoy your parents. Humble yourself more." “Silence is the work of those who have renounced the world.” “A sincere desire to serve the Lord God and completely surrendering oneself, everything, and everyone to the will of God, the all-good, perfect will, brings the peace of God to the heart, even when experiencing various sorrows, both external and internal, spiritual. “Pray to God to remove adversity from you and together renounce your will as a sinful will, a blind will. Surrender yourself, your soul and body, your circumstances, both present and future, surrender those close to your heart, your neighbors to the will of God, the all-holy and all-wise...” Glory to God! God bless! For everything, thank God! From these wonderful, holy words, dark thoughts and burdens recede. Peace, consolation, and joy come to a person’s soul. Thy will be done, Lord! Thank God for everything!” “Don’t forget prayer - it is the life of the soul.” “It is not typical for a nun to be angry or to anger others.” “Grief is nothing more than an experience in our heart when something happens against our desire, our will. So that grief does not press painfully, you must renounce your will and humble yourself before God in all respects. God desires our salvation and builds it in ways that are incomprehensible to us. Surrender to the will of God and you will find peace in your sorrowful soul and heart.” “Forgiveness is taught only to those who consider themselves guilty. Humble yourself before God and people, and the Lord will never leave you.” “Your compulsion to keep God’s commandments is necessary. And God’s help is always with us.” “Unpeacefulness destroys people.” “If you only wait for favorable conditions for salvation, you will never begin a life pleasing to God.” “You have to humble yourself, then you will receive spiritual consolation.” “I see in everything the all-good Providence of God, saving us.” “Resign yourself to the conditions of life and pay attention only to yourself. Do not take the misdeeds and deeds of others to heart. Then you will be peaceful and calm. Otherwise you won’t learn monastic life.” “The sincerity and firmness of will are tested precisely by patience and time.” “Your souls are precious to me, as heirs of the Kingdom of Heaven. Anyone who thinks otherwise is mistaken, and perhaps even sins.” “When sorrows overwhelm our souls and our hearts waver, our thoughts are confused, our only refuge is the Lord.” “You shouldn’t be discouraged. And in sorrowful experiences the mercy of God is hidden. The Lord builds our life in a way that is incomprehensible to us. And the loss of a father is providential. Believe this." “The meaning and benefit of what is experienced is mostly learned later.” “Our separation did not destroy what connected us, that is, our spiritual life and love for the Lord, which is dearer than anything in the world.” “It is impossible to live without patience and condescension towards others.” “Believe that if you have to endure hard things, you endure according to the will of God and the righteous judgment of God, for the sake of salvation.” “The Lord sees the heart of men. But people can always make mistakes in their judgments, and then these judgments are the fruit of simple idle talk.” “Believing in the Providence of God that cares for me, I am afraid to direct my life according to my own understanding.” “Every good deed and our faith must necessarily be tested. The test is made by tribulations.” “Pray like a child, in the simplicity of your heart, for all your needs and sorrows and surrender yourself to the will of God, for the Lord is building our salvation.” “Never rely on people and don’t be embarrassed, without seeing sympathy in them, don’t judge them. Pay attention to yourself." “Do not be discouraged by the sorrow of this life, this is our destiny, this is God’s judgment.” “The Lord sometimes allows a person to be abandoned, as it were, but still preserves and leads the soul to salvation. This permission of God may concern an entire community of believers. Our job is to humbly keep the faith of Christ. If faith is preserved, there is hope of salvation. Faith must be maintained with abstinence from all sin.” “If there is no one to open your soul to, tell the Lord God your sorrow.” “Everything must be surrendered to the will of God, including our separation. The Lord admonishes us not to cleave to earthly things, no matter how expensive they may seem, so that we strive for heavenly things and save our souls. And give everything earthly an earthly price... Just to save the soul, and the rest is all vanity. Everything is changing here. And our thoughts should be in God, in the future life. Everything on earth will pass away.” Father Nikon spent a little over two years in the Kemperpunkt concentration camp. Then he was assigned to “free deportation” to the Northern Territory, to the city of Arkhangelsk. Shortly before the end of his assigned period of stay in the concentration camp, Father Agapit returned from his wanderings. Together with his father Nikon, he went to live in the Arkhangelsk region. Before departure, all those released were subjected to a medical examination. And then the unexpected happened. The doctor, listening to Father Nikon, discovered that he had advanced pulmonary tuberculosis, and advised him to take serious care of himself. Upon arrival in Arkhangelsk, contact a doctor with a request to refer him to a medical commission. “Due to the state of your health, you may be sent to another place, more suitable in terms of climate,” the doctor said. Father Nikon, who always and in everything completely surrenders himself to the will of God, accustomed from the days of his youth to cutting off his own will, did not change his rule even at this decisive moment. He turned to Father Agapit for resolution of this issue. Father Agapit did not advise him to do anything in this direction. Having listened to his words as if from the mouth of God, Father Nikon humbly and obediently said: - May God's will be done... Apparently, he, surprised and naturally concerned by the doctor’s words, did not know what to do. He himself did not notice any changes in his body. I knew that doctors sometimes make mistakes in diagnosis. I also knew many people who had suffered from this disease for many years. It is possible that it was precisely in order to calm down and regain the longed-for and saving surrender of oneself to the will of God, a state that protects from all embarrassment and gives peace of mind, that he decided to turn to Father Agapit, the only person close in spirit, to resolve this issue. “God’s will be done!” – These are the words of a righteous soul, who reverently sacrifices herself, her whole life and everything to God!.. And during this time, during Nikon’s father’s stay in the concentration camp, great events took place in distant Kozelsk and Optina Pustyn. After the liquidation of the Optina Pustyn Museum, which followed shortly after the arrest of Father Nikon and others, all the land holdings of the former monastery under the jurisdiction of the museum, the forest and buildings were transferred to the disposal of local authorities. For now, only the churches, the refectory, the cemetery, the library and the “elders’ huts” in the Skete remained untouchable, pending the order of the Glavnauka. The commission that arrived from Moscow in an extremely short time (the Kozel authorities gave them only one week to select scientific valuables) confiscated manuscripts and books, including several sets of Optina editions. After the departure of the commission members, chaos began. Everything of material value was sold at auction. Much was simply stolen. Soon an order was received to remove all metal objects from the churches, including bells from the bell tower and grave monuments and crosses. All the “scrap metal” was taken to the nearest metal processing plant. Everything made of wood - icons and iconostases - was taken to carpentry workshops for alteration. The large monastery bell, whose velvety voice could be heard twelve kilometers in circumference, did not pass through the opening of the bell tower. The opening was broken and the bell fell, breaking into pieces and damaging the landing. The shaking of the earth and the roar from the fall of a heavy body could be heard three kilometers away, in Kozelsk. When the broken bell was taken away, believers picked up the small fragments remaining on the ground as souvenirs. Then they began to “clean up” the territory of the monastery cemetery surrounding the churches. Cast iron, granite, marble, stone and wooden crosses, monuments, chapels and slabs - everything was removed, and the grave mounds were carefully leveled, trying to ensure that nothing resembled a cemetery. Only trees and empty, looted and littered churches remained untouched... This was in 1928. And the following year, 1929, all seven churches in Kozelsk were closed at the same time, except for one, Blagoveshchenskaya, in which services are still held. One relatively small church, naturally, could not accommodate everyone who wanted to pray in it. The crowding and crowding were terrible, especially on major holidays, when residents of nearby villages assigned to the city churches also gathered in the church. For this reason, the monastics, for the most part, were deprived of the opportunity to visit the church. This was a great sorrow for them. There were few Optina monks left at the time described. Most of the hieromonks assigned to parishes were sent into exile, and churches were closed. Some of the monks dispersed, went to where no one knows them. In Kozelsk there remained several elderly hieromonks, led by Father Archimandrite, and disabled people: blind, lame, hunchbacked. Among the young, in comparison with the others, there was only one hieromonk Geronty, a former cell attendant of Elder Barsanuphius, and Father Raphael, a former monastic novice Rodion Sheichenko. In the same year, 1929, Bishop Micah died 29. The burial was more than modest, since not a single bishop, neither Smolensk nor Kaluga, came for various reasons. The remains of Bishop Micah were buried at the Kozelsky cemetery. They could not notify Father Nikon about everything that was happening in Kozelsk, but Father Geronty informed him about the closure of all churches except one. Father Nikon was saddened when he learned about the death of Elder Nektarios in 1928 and Bishop Micah. And about the closure of churches he wrote the following words: “And in the sorrow that has befallen you, may the Lord comfort you. He looks at the heart and hears prayer, wherever it is performed...” In the same year, 1929, a new wave of arrests swept across the country. The muddy waters of this wave also overwhelmed Kozelsk. In August, just on the second or third day after the feast of the Transfiguration of the Lord, all the Optina hieromonks, led by Father Archimandrite, and some of the Kozel priests were arrested and imprisoned in Kozelsk prison. Only the elderly and sick father Joseph Polevoy (died in 1934) remained untouched. At the same time, several nuns were arrested, including nun Ambrose, as well as lay people close to the Church. From Kozelsk, those arrested were sent to the Sukhinichi prison, and from there to Smolensk (Kozelsk and Sukhinichi were then in the Smolensk region). In January 1930, after the end of the “investigation,” all prisoners were exiled to different, very remote places in the country. The brotherly confessor Father Dosifei and many others were exiled to Siberia. There they ended their earthly journey, except for one father Raphael, “deprived, sorrowful, embittered.” ( Heb. 11:37 ) The confessor of the Shamordian sisters, Father Meletius, the dean, Father Theodotus, and the senior minister, Father Macarius, together with the nun Ambrosia and others, were sent to the Arkhangelsk region for “free exile.” Spiritually, Kozelsk is completely empty... Father Nikon and Father Agapit arrived in Arkhangelsk in June 1930. And here the Lord did not leave them without His all-powerful help. They met kind people who provided them not only material, but also moral support. With their help, they soon found themselves an apartment not far from the city, in the village of Nizhneye Ladino. The room they stayed in was small, but they were happy about that too. Compared to life in the camp, in a barracks accommodating at least fifty people, life alone with a like-minded brother was a great consolation for Father Nikon. Here they were alone. Far from the world in the middle of the world. In addition, they were free, had the opportunity to attend church, entering into communication with like-minded, newly found brothers and sisters. After a painfully difficult life in a concentration camp, all these advantages were perceived by Father Nikon as the great mercy of God, and he did not know with what words to thank the Creator. He rested both soul and body. In material terms, life in Arkhangelsk was difficult. All food products were issued using ration cards. Everything at the market was very expensive. It was not always possible to get a lot of things for a lot of money. The exiles, not receiving parcels or money, literally starved. The rations given to disabled exiles were extremely meager: 300 grams of bread per day, 600 grams of millet per month, 2 kilograms of salted fish per month, half a liter of kerosene per month (in winter), some salt - and that’s all. Father Nikon was incomparably better off in this regard than many others. His admirers constantly sent him money and parcels. Observing the hungry life of most of the exiles, he once wrote: “Comparing what was sent to me with what was sent to others, I consider myself happy, having not yet experienced sorrow.” Judging by these lines, one can easily conclude in what incredibly difficult conditions, exhausted under the burden of suffering, most of the exiles lived. Another unpleasant companion in the life of exiles was the obligation to report to the appropriate institution (GPU) every ten days to register. But perhaps the most difficult condition was the doom of the exiles to a wandering life. Those able to work were sent on long “business trips”, mainly to the forest for logging and often to swampy areas, where it was impossible to find workers for any price. Those who had a certificate of incapacity for work due to illness or old age were often moved from one place to another, trying to drive them away from large populated areas into remote villages. They were not given the opportunity to “settle” in one place. In this regard, the life of the exiles could never be calm. Moreover, moving to another area was associated with great difficulties in terms of transport, inevitable expenses and finding shelter. But it was very difficult for exiles to find an apartment. They bore the mark of exile and rejection. Therefore, the majority of the population of the Arkhangelsk region treated them distrustfully, unfriendly, coldly, alienating and distant, and in some cases - hostile and rude... For this reason, Father Nikon always asked in his letters not to send unnecessary items of linen and clothing. In his wandering life, everything unnecessary was burdensome, since in most cases he had to carry all his things in a bag on his back. In addition, too much luggage instilled natural concern for its safety, which introduced absent-mindedness and was contrary to his spiritual composure. The life together of Father Nikon and Father Agapit did not last long. They did not console themselves for long. Soon there was separation again. In August of the same year, 1930, Father Nikon was “moved” to the city of Pinega in the Arkhangelsk region, two hundred kilometers from the center. With regret and involuntary sadness, Father Nikon left Arkhangelsk, saying goodbye to his brother and partner, with whom he had become so close and related over the years of suffering. He seemed to have a presentiment that in this earthly life they would not see each other again... Father Agapit remained in Arkhangelsk for now. Father Nikon set off on an unknown journey alone... In the city of Pinega and its environs, he wandered for a long time in search of an apartment. Finally, he managed to find refuge in the village of Wonga, not far from Pinega, on the banks of the Pinega River. Here he lived for about two months and then, in the fall, he was forced to move to another village, Voepala, three kilometers from Pinega. After repeated and often fruitless inquiries, he found himself an apartment in the house of one woman, who, in addition to a large payment in money, set the condition for her tenant to do all the heavy physical work around the house. Father Nikon agreed to everything, perhaps because there was nothing to choose from. In addition, he apparently liked the fact that the owner was an old, lonely woman, and therefore no one and nothing would disturb the coveted peace and quiet that his soul had always longed for. Life in the Pinega region was even more difficult materially than in Arkhangelsk. There were no bazaars at all in Pinega, and it was impossible to get any food for money. It could only be exchanged for things. It was impossible to find vegetables at all, not even potatoes, even for exchange. Father Nikon often went to Pinega. On holidays, when there was a service, he attended church. Then he went to the post office for letters, money and parcels. Here he soon met many people of clergy who shared the same fate of exile with him. I even met two Optina residents: Hieromonk Parthenius, with whom he once, in the days of his youth, worked together in the monastery office (Father Peter Krutikov), and the skete hierodeacon Peter 30, as well as his sister, nun Valentina (Ustyusha), his spiritual daughter. The rest were all from other monasteries, from different places in the country. By this time, the time Nikon’s father arrived in Pinega, parcels and money began to arrive at his address less frequently. It cannot be said that people close to Father Nikon forgot him and therefore provided him less and less assistance. No, no one forgot him and could not forget. This can only be explained by the fact that in Kozelsk, where help was mainly sent, after the mass arrests in 1929 there were very few monastics left. These were mostly female nuns, most of them elderly. They all lived meagerly, poorly, earning food for themselves through the labor of their hands and feeling completely orphaned without mentors and leaders. It was inconvenient to send pitiful crumbs and pennies, and there was no one to collect a general parcel or a larger sum of money. Nun Ambrosia, an energetic woman by nature, was not in Kozelsk at the time described, as mentioned above. And she, along with others, wandered around the Northern Territory. And she was the main organizer of general parcels. Subsequently, recalling that time, nun Ambrosia said: “Father Macarius of Optina was of extraordinary kindness. He would say, it happened: “Well, mother of Ambrose, do not forget your obedience. Holiday is coming soon. We must send gifts to our exiles.” And these words really supported me. I joyfully walked around all the monastics and believers around the city. I treated them all, and they knew me and trusted me... There are poor people all around... Well, even if it’s just little things, but that’s all - I’ll go around and collect everyone. Fifty rubles, of course, at most...” From time to time, they still sent financial and material assistance to Father Nikon from Kozelsk, and from Kaluga, and from Moscow, and from other places. He was not doomed to a slow death from exhaustion, like many, many others, and not only did he not starve, but always shared what he had with other exiles. He even asked himself if they needed anything. With the onset of winter 1930, Father Nikon, who had hitherto not noticed any deviations from the norm in his body, began to feel not entirely healthy. Weakness, fatigue, slight pain throughout the body and sometimes a slightly elevated temperature appeared. He did not attach much importance to this, explaining everything by cold-related phenomena. This is how time passed until January 1931. On the feast of the Nativity of Christ, January 7, he went to Pinega, to church. There was a severe frost that day, and it was very cold in the church; it was not heated. Since that day, Father Nikon noticed that his health was not improving, but was getting worse and worse every day. Weakness increased, the temperature did not drop to normal at all. But he kept strengthening himself, trying not to succumb to the illness that was sapping his strength. I still went to Pinega to “check in,” attended church, and went to the post office. Father Nikon spent his life as secluded as possible. Most of the exiles, due to material considerations, lived two or three people together in one apartment. Father Nikon lived alone, and although he lived in worldly families, his life was world-denying. It fully justified the words of one holy father: “It is not in the solitude of the body, but in the well-being and silence of the heart that a monastic life is corrected.” He used all his free time to constantly, despite his illness, perform his monastic rule of prayer and read the Holy Scriptures. He wrote replies to his spiritual children and acquaintances to their letters, and during his exile life he did not abandon his pastoral duty. Part of the day was spent preparing food. The housework assigned to him by the mistress also took up precious time. At his new apartment in the village of Voepala, Father Nikon very quickly became convinced that his owner was a woman with an exceptionally grumpy, angry and cruel character. It is quite possible that due to her difficult disposition and incredible conditions in terms of rent, which was not acceptable to everyone, no one lived with her. She quickly took into account the unparalleled patience and humility of Father Nikon. She pushed him around like her slave, like a slave, despite his high rank. She forced him to do whatever she wanted, regardless of anything... It seemed as if the demon himself had possessed her, forcing her to torment Father Nikon in order to test his patience. She even forbade him to receive visitors who sometimes visited him. Father Nikon humbly endured everything, unquestioningly fulfilling all her demands. Due to health reasons, he was exempted from heavy work, mainly due to a bad leg with dilated veins. His owner knew this. An additional lung disease made him completely unable to work. He needed rest and peace. But the cruel old woman did not want to believe that her tenant and farm laborer was seriously ill. She gave him neither peace nor rest. Exhausted from weakness, he unquestioningly did everything: carried water from the well on a sled, chopped, sawed and carried firewood, cleared and swept away the snow, set up and served the samovar, split a torch and much, much more. And all this - at a constantly elevated temperature and with a sore leg. Father Peter, who lived in the neighboring village of Kozlovka, three kilometers from Voepala, observing all these abuses and knowing from the stories of the villagers about the difficult disposition of this old woman, more than once suggested that Father Nikon find an apartment in his village and live together with him. Father Parthenius, who sometimes visited him, advised him the same. But Father Nikon, faithful to his intention to live only according to the will of God, apparently believed that what he was experiencing was sent by God Himself and silently avoided such proposals. It is possible that, because he knew Father Peter little as a person and as a monk, he did not dare to join him for a residence of his own free will, fearing to incur even greater sorrows spiritually. In addition, he was terrified by the prospect of walking to Pinega for the six-kilometer mark, in all kinds of weather - in the rain and impenetrable mud of a country road in the fall, in a snowstorm, severe frost and wind in the winter. He repeatedly wrote from exile to different people about his complete devotion to the will of God: “Believing in the Providence of God that cares for me, I am afraid to direct my life according to my own understanding, for I have seen how my own will brings sorrows and difficulties to people... Let the will of God be done, good and perfect! I entrust myself, my whole life, and everyone to her. Acceptance of God's will brings peace to my heart...” “There is a desire to surrender in everything to the will of God, not to arrange your life yourself, according to your own understanding. I believe that the Lord will send me exactly what is necessary and useful for me...” Apparently, by that time the desire to sacrifice his life and all of himself to God had fully matured in him. In his soul, he seemed to cry out with a “great voice”: “Accept me as a blameless sacrifice,” Christ, “who was sacrificed to You!” (troparion to the martyr). Father Nikon acquired such a blessed spiritual mood, characteristic of people of exceptionally high spiritual culture, thanks to his undoubted, firm faith in God and His holy Providence. His heart burned with love for God unfeignedly. He kindled and kindled the fire of this holy love by the steady, exact fulfillment of the covenants of Christ from the days of his youth, working for the Lord always, everywhere, at all times and in every place. And in prison, and in a concentration camp, and in exile, despite any circumstances, his spiritual growth continued, without weakening or wavering. He invisibly ascended the ladder of spiritual perfection higher and higher, striving to achieve the final goal of his ascent - “to come to the measure of the age of the fulfillment of Christ.” (Eph.4:13) One day, in the second or third week of Lent, around the beginning of March, Father Nikon left the house to work - digging snow that had accumulated over the winter and removing it. After working a little with a shovel, he suddenly felt severe weakness and pain in all the veins from his stomach to the heel of his sore leg. Returning home to his room, he put on a compress and measured the temperature. The thermometer showed 40°. There was a hemorrhage in the leg due to severe physical stress. Father Nikon went to bed. The next day the temperature dropped, the veins stopped hurting, the hemorrhage resolved, but a wound opened at the site of the hemorrhage. In the evening of the same day, he suddenly felt a strong stabbing sensation in his chest and chills. The temperature rose again to 40°. He lay sick on his wretched bed for a long time, more than three weeks. It is unknown who served him at this time. Perhaps no one. It is also unknown whether anyone visited him during his illness. Apparently, no one, because, having recovered a little, Father Nikon, in the sixth week of Lent, at the end of March, already went to Pinega to “check in.” At the post office, where he stood in line for letters and money, his father Peter saw him. Greeting Father Nikon, he immediately noticed a sharp change in his face. In front of him stood a completely sick man who could barely stand on his feet. When asked about his state of health, Father Nikon answered briefly: - I'm completely sick. I'm going to the hospital... At the Pinezhsky district hospital, the doctor, having very quickly listened to Father Nikon, confirmed the diagnosis of the doctor in the city of Kemi that he had pulmonary tuberculosis. - Transient? – asked Father Nikon. “No,” the doctor muttered in response, “but the situation is serious... The process has gone far.” Only the Lord knows how, with what incredible effort of will, overcoming debilitating weakness and pain in his leg, Father Nikon walked the way back from Pinega to his apartment. Completely exhausted, he fell onto his hard bed. His inhuman owner found out that he was sick with tuberculosis. Having made sure that her “farmboy” was seriously ill and, perhaps, for a long time (before that she did not believe his illness, she read it as a pretense), she, instead of showing him at least minimal sympathy and giving him peace and rest, began to kick him out of the house. In winter, in the cold, a sick person!.. “Go wherever you want, I don’t need you sick,” she shouted. “Healthy people come to me, they will do everything for me.” I don't need sick people. I need people to be able to work, and not lie down... I’ll still get infected from you, consumptive. And if you die, what will I do then? Go away, go away... Go wherever you want!.. Enraged, she ran to the bed, threw the straw mattress and clothes onto the floor and took the bed away. The situation for Father Nikon was hopeless. He felt so bad that he could not go anywhere. And he remembered the prayerful words of the dear elder Barsanuphius, repeatedly recalled by him in the days of wanderings and suffering, his quiet cell in the blessed Optina Skete, his blessing right hand, descending on the bowed head of the young novice Nicholas: “Lord! Save your servant this Nicholas! Be his Helper! Protect him when he has neither shelter nor shelter..." Around this time, another sorting of the exiles was carried out in the corresponding institution - they were moved on. Father Nikon was on this list, but due to illness he was temporarily left in place. On Lazarus Saturday, March 22, Father Peter, also scheduled for resettlement, came to Father Nikon to visit him and say goodbye. Entering his room, he saw the following picture: sick Father Nikon, in a cotton cassock, hat and felt boots, lay on two pushed together stools. At his head stood a duffel bag containing all his belongings, leaning against the wall. - What does it mean? – asked the stunned Father Peter. “And that means fly out wherever you want...” answered Father Nikon, lowering his head onto the bag in exhaustion. Hitherto always avoiding Father Peter's proposals to live together, this time he, seeing the hopelessness of his situation, began to ask him about it. Father Peter, of course, happily responded to his request. He hurriedly went back to his village, very quickly found a horse from a peasant he knew and came to pick up the sick man. On this day, despite the end of March, the frost was severe and a strong, gusty, piercing wind was blowing. Father Nikon was chilled by the time he reached his new and last home... I am already hungry, and the time of my departure has come. I fought the good fight, I died, I kept the faith. Otherwise, the crown of righteousness will be kept for me, which he will reward me with The Lord is the righteous Judge of the day. In his new apartment, surrounded by the care and concern of Father Peter (he was also temporarily left in place), Father Nikon soon began to feel a little better. He became cheerful and willingly talked with Father Peter and his brothers and sisters in spirit who came to visit him. Apart from general weakness and slight soreness in the body, he still did not notice any changes in his body. The only thing that bothered him was the constantly elevated temperature, in the morning - 37° and fractions, in the evening - 38°, and sometimes 39°. There was no medical supervision over the sick exiles. Father Nikon did not have the strength to walk to Pinega, to the district hospital, for a very urgent appointment, six kilometers away. Hiring a horse was not always possible. There were very few free horses in the village. And there was no point in going to the hospital when the diagnosis had already been established. And although the doctor said that it was not transient,” the constantly high temperature suggested the transience of the disease. There was almost no treatment. The thiokol prescribed by the doctor was not available at the pharmacy after re-ordering. Father Nikon, although he did not place much hope in medicine, did not reject them either. Thiokol and other medicines were repeatedly sent to him from Kozelsk. The food was rather meager and monotonous: cereal soup, noodles, porridge. Due to the elevated temperature, he had poor appetite. Father Peter, to the best of his ability, made every effort to improve the patient’s table. He began to invent more delicious dishes, getting milk and eggs for exchange. Soon after the ice drift on the Northern Dvina River ended and steamship traffic was restored, parcels with food and various things, mainly “rags,” as Father Nikon called them, began to arrive more often for trade. Towels, linen and fabrics in general were in great demand among the population, and Father Nikon asked to send them. But, despite reinforcements and care, despite the fact that Father Peter provided him with complete peace, Father Nikon continued to weaken. Due to his debilitating temperature and poor appetite, his weakness increased to the point that he lay almost all the time. He got up for a while and went back to bed. And since he was shivering all the time, he lay dressed in a cotton cassock and felt boots, although the room was warm. Back in 1930, when Father Nikon’s spiritual children learned that he was living in “free exile,” some of them asked him for permission to come and see him. Father Nikon answered everyone with a categorical refusal. He strictly forbade anyone from visiting him. He did not allow me to come for many reasons. The most significant reason for refusal was uncertainty in one’s position and the constant expectation of moving. The second, no less important reason was the fear of exposing the woman who came to him to all sorts of troubles. After all, a certain surveillance was established over the exiles, and every new person who entered into communication with them risked their well-being. In addition, Father Nikon knew well his spiritual daughters who were striving for him. They all had a rather vague idea about the living conditions of the exiles. If he had allowed one to come, another, third, fourth would have come for her... Observing the lives of his fellow sufferers, he very soon became convinced that only he could hope for a relatively calm life who remained unnoticed, who lived quietly and alone, without revealing himself in any way and without making acquaintances. There were cases, and not rare ones, when exiles, given relative freedom, again ended up in a concentration camp... Father Nikon wrote to those who were eager to see him that he himself would like to see all the people close in spirit, but he considers this “an almost impossible and crazy thing for the sake of those temptations and difficulties that can meet you starting from Vologda and upon arrival here... You will cause both yourself and me sorrows...”. Meanwhile, Ambrose's mother, having arrived in January 1931 at her place of exile in Arkhangelsk, saw her father Agapit there, who helped her find an apartment in the village where he lived. The Optina priests Meletius, Macarius and Theodotus, who came with her, settled in a neighboring village. From Father Agapit, Mother Ambrose learned the address of Father Nikon and for the first time heard about his illness. She hastened to write him a letter full of anxious anxiety. Correspondence between them resumed. Father Nikon, respecting her as a worthy nun and trusting her as a doctor who had treated him more than once in Optina Pustyn and Kozelsk, described to her in detail his illness, all its symptoms and the conditions of his life. “The doctor in Pinega,” he wrote to her, “found tuberculosis in me and not in the first stage, but far advanced. What worries me is that the fever of 38°–39° lasts a long time, and this causes weakness and loss of appetite. I lie down more... I myself am surprised at how quickly and unexpectedly it happened for me. Now I think that those relatively mild colds, which seemed to me to have passed without a trace, were the beginning of what we are seeing now...” “There has been no improvement since the onset of the illness, it’s been two months now... The thought of death is getting closer and closer to me. Perhaps the Lord is destined for me to die... The Monk Theodore the Studite, who himself was in exile, rejoices and rejoices for those dying in exile...” “The temperature worries me and makes me think that death is near. Now I hardly even think about recovery, considering it a pipe dream. I surrender to the will of God...” So he wrote to the nun Ambrose in March and April. Around the same time, he wrote to his other spiritual daughter: “It is, of course, natural to mourn the fact that we will no longer see each other here on earth. But one should not mourn without measure. I am a man. And the Lord will show you that human salvation is vain, that you cannot rely on man, that salvation is from the Lord...” Mother Ambrose, despite her painful and dependent position in exile, was eager to put her medical knowledge to practical use and to help Father Nikon in this regard. She came up with the idea of ​​asking her superiors to allow her to settle in the Pinega region, closer to Father Nikon. In March, shortly after she received the first letter from him, she asked the GPU, when she went to check in, whether she could ask to be sent to live in a certain area of ​​the Arkhangelsk region. She was told that such an application could be submitted. She was not told what result could be expected from the submitted application. Before submitting the application, Ambrose's mother consulted with Fathers Meletius, Macarius and Theodotus. They said: – As the Queen of Heaven indicates... We prayed and put notes behind the image of the Mother of God: “Ask” and “Don’t ask anywhere.” They prayed again and, having read the words “Don’t ask anywhere” on the ticket they took out, they accepted this as an indication of God’s will. For her part, nun Ambrosia also advised Father Nikon to take appropriate measures to transfer him to an area more favorable in climatic terms. She wanted so much to see him, to alleviate his illness as much as possible. With all her heart she strove to Pinega! She even asked Father Nikon to call her to see him as a doctor... Father Nikon wrote to her in response: “I surrender myself to God. I am calmer when I don’t show my will. Therefore, I don’t dare ask for anything yet. And there is no certainty that attention will be paid... I sincerely thank you for your love and care. God bless you! Of course, I would be glad to see you. But we must not forget that we do not have our own will and it may turn out that you will be in Pinega, but you will not have the opportunity to see me, because here too there are frequent movements and assignments to different places. Therefore, I think that you don’t need to make your position dependent on mine... Having no examples regarding filing an application, no certificates, and almost no hope for any good results, I decide to stay in place for now, surrendering to the will of God... I don’t dare to call you to Pinega, realizing what difficulties you may encounter here. On the other hand, it’s as if I don’t dare to reject your desire. I have no definite determination in this matter. Lord, help and enlighten!.. We must pray that the Lord will show the way... Let us pray to the Lord to save us and help us in troubles and needs. I don’t see any other refuge or hope. Human calculations are both vain and erroneous. When you have to endure something difficult, but you know that there is no will here, you get moral relief and peace of mind. God's will be done! May the Lord not disgrace our faith and devotion to His will. The only hope is in God. Here's a solid foundation. Everything else is fragile, especially in our situation. You don’t know at all where it’s better, where it’s worse and what awaits. May God's will be done!.. The thought occurred to me that we, monks, who have renounced the world, are now, albeit involuntarily, leading a world-denying life. This is how the Lord judged. Our job is to keep ourselves in faith and guard ourselves from all sin, and entrust everything else to God.” Father Nikon wrote this letter to nun Ambrosia on April 30, old style. And this was his last letter to her... As if to confirm the truth of Father Nikon’s words, nun Ambrosia, along with other exiles, soon after she received this letter, was taken on barges to a transit point on some peninsula, not far from Arkhangelsk, where a quarantine was set up for exiles. Here she also asked her superiors if it was possible to ask after the end of quarantine to change the place of exile. She was told: “Of course not.” Two weeks later, all the exiles, including nun Ambrosia, after quarantine, were taken on barges to Kotlas, to the “famous” Makarikha. There, in barracks of one hundred or two hundred people each, eighteen thousand exiles lived in incredibly difficult conditions, most of them doomed to find peace in the local cemetery... The nun Ambrosia had to endure a lot of suffering, both mental and physical, in her wanderings. And what a great support in difficult times this last letter from Father Nikon, full of spiritual wisdom, was for her! All her desires and aspirations to be near her sick father Nikon and to help him in his illness were crushed to dust before the inscrutable destinies of God... Advising Father Nikon to apply and dreaming of moving to Pinega herself, she, due to her inexperience and some naivety in practical matters, did not know, in essence, the true state of affairs in relation to the exiles until she herself had to be convinced that they were not condemned for a quiet life, even in a foreign land. The main goal was to destroy the Christian faith, and to do this, first of all, to isolate everyone who actively manifested their religious convictions. And, of course, isolation is not so that they, surrounded by attention, having served their time, return healthy and full of strength to their homeland. Father Nikon knew all this from his own experience and from the stories of other exiles. The long-awaited spring has finally arrived in the Arkhangelsk region. May has arrived. From the azure sky, the brilliant luminary generously poured out its life-giving rays, every day more and more boldly laying claim to its rights, powerfully calling all living things to life. Father Nikon and Father Peter joyfully greeted the first warm days, nurturing the hope that with the arrival of spring, strength would again flow into the patient’s body and his health would improve. Father Peter, knowing that this illness required fresh air, more than once advised Father Nikon to take advantage of the good weather and leave the stuffy room. Father Nikon, apparently agreeing with his arguments, hesitated to come out, saying: “Amvrosiya’s mother wrote to me that you can’t go out if you have a high temperature. Only once, as if showing obedience to Father Peter, he went out into the air, but very soon returned. Although it was warm and quiet, he felt cold and windy... Soon the clear, warm weather changed dramatically. Lead clouds floated low above the ground. It began to rain and sleet. A cold, piercing wind blew. It was so cold that Father Peter lit the stove. This was at the beginning of May. And from that time on, Nikon’s father’s health condition deteriorated sharply. The cruel illness progressed quickly, sapping his strength. The temperature, without decreasing, was always at a high level. In the morning – 38°, in the evening – 39° and even 40°. A cough and shortness of breath appeared. There was no appetite. He refused boiled food completely. I ate only two or three eggs, drank two glasses of milk and two or three cups of tea a day with a small amount of bread or cookies. Now he lay almost without getting up. While lying down he fulfilled his prayer rule, while lying down he read the Holy Scriptures, while lying down he wrote letters, placing the paper on a plywood board from the parcel box. The eternal tragedy of life and death unfolded quickly. After another week or two, the temperature rose above 40°. The suffering began. High temperature, fever, stunning chills, followed by debilitating sweat, terrible weakness, shortness of breath and a bedsore that appeared towards the end of the illness tormented him. He lacked air, he could not breathe, as his lungs had shrunk. Gasping, sweating, he tossed about on his bed. - I can’t breathe. Give me some air! Give me at least a little!.. - he whispered, exhausted. When I felt a little better, I quietly prayed: - Lord, have mercy! Lord, help!.. Every day he became weaker and weaker. Every day brought more and more changes. By the end of May, he became so weak that even lying down he could neither read nor write. Father Peter read the letters he received aloud to him. Father Nikon only re-read the most significant, dictated the answer, and he himself only signed and sometimes added a few lines. During the last two months of his illness, he received the Holy Mysteries of Christ almost daily. At first he himself, and when he was completely exhausted, the abbot of the Bethany monastery, Father Paisius, came to give communion. He was also his confessor. Sometimes Archimandrite Nikita, the brother of one of his spiritual daughters, gave him communion. Both of them shared with him the same fate of the doomed. The apartment where Father Nikon and Father Peter lived was calm. Nothing disturbed the silence, so necessary for a seriously ill patient. Father Nikon lay and quietly prayed, preparing for the exodus into eternity. Father Peter, as best he could, selflessly looked after him. He became very attached and sincerely fell in love with Father Nikon during his life with him. They had silence, peace. Father Nikon’s prayerful mood was transmitted to his partner, and Father Peter felt as if he had once been in the distant, inaccessible Optina Skete, and not in exile... And suddenly the unexpected happened. On June 9/22, Monday evening, unexpectedly and uninvited, one of his spiritual daughters, Irina Bobkova, came to Father Nikon, the same one with whom Father Nikon had once vacationed in Optina Pustyn when he lived in Kozelsk. She arrived on her own, without a blessing. Father Nikon did not allow anyone, despite intense requests, to come to him, even when the outcome of the illness was obvious. And after her repeated and persistent requests, he even wrote to his sister Irina telling her to “leave him alone 31.” Himself a true and unhypocritical novice until the end of his days, he demanded complete obedience from all his spiritual children and could not tolerate self-government. From this side, the sudden, without warning, arrival of sister Irina could not be pleasant for him. On the other hand, his soul, which had suffered during the years of exile, was glad to see and hear a man who had come from distant, native places, so dear to his heart. Father Nikon received her kindly, but, as Father Peter later said, “reluctantly.” Naturally, Father Nikon could not push away a woman who had traveled such a long, difficult journey, perhaps spending all her meager savings on this trip, especially since, according to Father Peter, Father Nikon himself told him that he had to be very careful with her, that she was capable of anything, “and the river is close here”... Sister Irina, seeing her dear spiritual father and mentor lying almost motionless, seeing his changed, emaciated face, kneeling in front of him, shed copious tears. Father Nikon, by that time so weak that it was difficult for him to speak, lovingly consoled her... Sister Irina brought letters, money, medicine, and food necessary for the patient. Her woman's heart was saddened when she saw Father Nikon lying on a hard, lumpy straw mattress and, although the room was warm, wearing the same padded cotton jacket and felt boots. She made every effort to alleviate the patient’s difficult condition, with purely feminine sensitivity, surrounding him with attention and caring care down to the smallest detail. But... it was already too late. By this time, Nikon’s father had completely lost his appetite. He even ate eggs with difficulty, forcing himself... On Wednesday, June 11/24, Father Nikon felt so bad that Father Peter and Sister Irina thought he was dying and rushed to give him communion. Two days later, there was a temporary, so insidious improvement in the patient’s well-being, a harbinger of the approaching end. Father Nikon, to the surprise of those around him, became cheerful, animated, and talked a lot with his sister Irina and everyone who came to visit him. He talked about his experiences and suffering over the last four years of his life. It was impossible to listen to these stories without tears. He asked Sister Irina about his spiritual children and acquaintances. Smiling, he recalled the tragicomic episodes of his life, joked... Father Peter, accustomed to seeing him almost always concentrated and silent during his life together, was surprised at such an unusual rise. Alas, this was the last flash of vitality, like a dying fire, before going out completely... Sister Irina, delighted by the revival of the sick man, for her part began to tell him about filing an application with a request to move him to a place more favorable to his health. Hitherto rejecting all this kind of advice, Father Nikon, to the surprise of Father Peter, unexpectedly agreed. I was in a hurry to even do it. The thirst for life briefly spoke again in him. The application must be accompanied by a doctor's certificate of illness. On June 14/27, a doctor was brought from Pinega. After listening to Father Nikon, he, apparently wanting to encourage and reassure him, said that he did not have any “transient” consumption, that weakness was a temporary phenomenon, that it would pass over time. And when they came out to see him off, he openly told Father Peter and sister Irina that it was all over... – He has blooming tuberculosis, that is, in the final stage. He lived out his life... He lives only because his heart is healthy. No medicine and no resettlement will help... How often, lovingly remembering his mother Ambrosia, did Father Nikon say during his illness: “Now, if Ambrose’s mother were here, she would tell me the whole truth!” As a spiritual father, he knew her well, knew that, due to her high spiritual dispensation, she would not deceive him and, seeing the approaching hour of death, would instill hope for life. On the contrary, I would have warned him about it... As if following the example of the majority of those dying from this disease, Father Nikon, although he said that he was “no longer a tenant” and that he “did not hope for recovery,” perhaps due to his naturally cheerful character, he did not lose hope for recovery almost until the very end. All the cells of his still young body thirsted for life and imperiously laid claim to life. And although he clearly realized that his situation was hopeless, his body did not want to come to terms with the arguments of his mind. His spirit was vigorous, but his flesh was weak... (Matthew 26:41) Almost until his death, despite his ever-increasing suffering, the thirst for life did not leave him. He did not want to die, and, as he himself told those around him, he had neither a premonition of the approaching end nor the fear of death. He did not see death walking towards him with quick steps, did not feel its chilling breath. This division was painful for him. He even prayed that the Lord would reveal to him or someone else what was incomprehensible to him, would clarify, would make it clear whether he would live or this was already the end... Two months before his death, at the end of April, one of his spiritual daughters had a dream that struck her with its clarity. She described it in a letter to Father Nikon. She saw that the Optina elder Barsanuphius came to Father Nikon’s apartment in Kozelsk and began to take things out of the room. When he took the bed to take her out too, she said: - Father, why are you taking out the bed? After all, Father Nikon will have nowhere to sleep... The elder answered her: “He’s going to see me, and he doesn’t need a bed.” I'll give him my bed there... In his response letter, Father Nikon wrote: “Your dream is similar to the truth. In general, I don’t believe in dreams, but sometimes there are true dreams. Perhaps the Lord will judge me to die...” Could this dream be considered an answer to his prayer?.. Two days after the doctor’s visit, the temporary improvement in the patient’s well-being disappeared. Father Nikon's body took a sharp turn for the worse. Now not only every day, but every hour he weakened more and more. In such a difficult state, neither the proposed filing of an application nor the resettlement was, of course, out of the question. Death was quickly approaching him. From that time on, he refused to take medications. In all likelihood, the faint hope of recovery, at least relative, that glimmered in him went out completely. He took minimal amounts of food through force. He only drank tea willingly. His suffering diminished towards the last days of his life. He did not suffer when he died. All that remained was weakness, sometimes to the point of nausea. When the temperature rose above 40°, the patient became delirious. In his delirium he remembered the Optina fathers and brothers, brought his spiritual children to repentance, calling them by name, baptized the air, as if blessing someone. One day he saw the deceased Optina elder Macarius. - Oh, most honorable Father, Father Macarius!.. Irina, give me a chair... Elder Macarius came to us, but you don’t even see!.. Sister Irina hesitated to carry out the order, thinking that Father Nikon was delirious. “Forgive me, Father, she’s inexperienced,” he said quietly and fell silent. And a few days before his death, he asked Father Peter and Sister Irina, who were caring for him, to call him not “father”, but “Vladyka.” And he repeatedly corrected them when they continued to call him “father.” Subsequently, some were embarrassed by this and, not knowing how to explain it, preferred to pass by in silence. The writer of these lines is inclined to think that Father Nikon may have had a vision before his death, but what kind is unknown. It died with him. It is not always possible to tell everyone everything that happens in our inner man, and not everything can be expressed in words 32... Bedridden by illness, weakened to an extreme degree, Father Nikon continued to pray quietly, dictating answers to letters to Father Peter in a barely audible voice. On June 20, he asked to give him a piece of paper and a pencil. I wanted to write something. “What beauty there is in spiritual books...” he began, and... the pencil fell out of his weakened hand. On the same or the next day, he started bleeding “through his stomach” (apparently, his intestines were also captured by the tuberculous process towards the end of his illness). On June 24, s/s, having gathered his last remaining strength, he tried to write a response letter to one of his spiritual daughters in Kaluga. Having written a few words in extremely distorted handwriting, I was unable to continue the letter and put it off until another day. And the next day, Wednesday, June 25, s/s he weakened to such an extent that he could not even speak. The letter remained unfinished and unsigned. Seeing his grave condition, Father Peter hastened to invite Father Nikita, who did not hesitate to come to the dying man. Having communed him with the Holy Mysteries of Christ, immediately after communion he considered it necessary to read the canon over him “for the outcome of the soul.” It was at 12 noon. At two o'clock Father Nikon drank tea. At seven o'clock in the evening I drank a little more and calmed down. At about nine o'clock in the evening, sister Irina offered the sick man more tea, but he shook his head and closed his eyes. Thinking that Father Nikon wanted to fall asleep, Sister Irina also lay down in the next room to rest. Father Peter sat at the table and wrote. It was quiet in the house. Only the heavy breathing of the sick father Nikon and his quiet moans broke the silence. An hour and a half later, Sister Irina again approached the dying man’s bed. Father Nikon still lay calmly, breathing rarely and heavily, with groans. Something struck Sister Irina when she looked at his face. Some subtle change occurred in him during those hour and a half... - Father Peter! But Father is dying!.. - she exclaimed. Father Peter came up. Silently, with fear and trembling, they stood and watched as the soul of Father Nikon left his body. His breathing became less and less frequent. The intervals between inhalation and exhalation are getting longer and longer... After about five minutes, the last heavy sigh lifted his chest, and... there was a terrible silence... It was 10:40 pm. As Father Nikon lay on his right side with his head slightly tilted towards his shoulder, he died... During the last weeks of his life, he often prayed to the Lord to grant him a Christian death. The Lord heard his prayer and granted him the death of a righteous man, painless, quiet, shameless, peaceful. It seemed that he did not die, but fell into a peaceful sleep until the general resurrection of all. The next day, June 26, the s/s came to pay their last respects to the deceased, Archimandrite Nikita, Abbot Paisiy, one archpriest, four hieromonks and other exiled brothers and sisters. The clergy quietly placed the body of Father Nikon in a coffin, ordered in advance by Father Peter. We read the canon “for the outcome of the soul” again. A large funeral service was held. Then they began to serve the burial according to the monastic order here, in the apartment of the deceased. They quietly surrounded the coffin with the body of the newly deceased monk Nikon. Funeral chants were sung quietly. The candles glowed quietly in their hands, illuminating the deceased with a tremulous light. Father Nikon lay in the coffin as if alive. He was dressed in a half-robe, epitrachelion and brace. There was a skufia on my head. (The parcel with the long robe and hood was delayed and was received after the funeral.) Father Parthenius, the Optina hieromonk mentioned above, although he was on good, peaceful terms with the late Father Nikon, did not take part in the burial due to disagreements on some church issues (perhaps he was the only Optina hieromonk who did not recognize Metropolitan Sergius). He came to say goodbye to the deceased when everyone had left. To Sister Irina’s offer to serve a memorial service, he replied: - No. Father Nikon will be offended by me. I'll pray for him at home... Raising his eyecup and looking at the deceased, he exclaimed: - Look... Now he'll laugh!.. The face of the deceased was unusually white, bright, smiling joyfully at something. The same Father Parfeniy, a few days before the death of Father Nikon, had a dream: Father Nikon and Father Kirill, with suitcases in their hands, were walking somewhere. Father Parfeniy asked: “Will you take me with you?” Father Nikon answered him: “You do what you want, but I won’t leave Kirill...” And both moved on. (Father Kirill, having returned from exile, died a year after the death of Father Nikon in the city of Kozlov (Michurinsk) in 1932 on July 19, church style.) On Friday, June 27, the funeral took place at 2 p.m. During the short time of Father Nikon’s life in the Pinega region, many of the exiles living there recognized him and fully appreciated him as a kind, sympathetic, sensitive person, attentive to the needs of others and a worthy shepherd. All of them gathered that day to say their last “forgiveness” to him and give him, “breathless, speechless” lying in the coffin, their last kiss. There were twelve clergy alone at the funeral. The surprising thing is that all of them, a week before the death of Father Nikon, were at work in the forest, about 60 kilometers from their homes. And suddenly they were released. It was as if Father Nikon was waiting for their return and did not die... As if they were released for his burial... The Lord, granting His faithful servant a peaceful, Christian death, and upon his repose honored him with a burial appropriate to his rank and merits. Not as a modest, unknown hieromonk, but as a bishop, though not in brilliant vestments and not with loud, solemn, sad funeral chants, they escorted the deceased to his final resting place. It was not in a concentration camp, in a disgusting environment, in a vile and painful environment for the Christian spirit, that Father Nikon betrayed his righteous soul to the Lord. Surrounded by love and accompanied by prayers, he breathed his last. And his virgin body was not thrown carelessly into a pit along with other dead people, without prayer and without a cross. It was a gift from the Lord sent to him. This was one of the heavenly crowns that should adorn him in the next century... The coffin with his body was initially carried by the clergy in their arms. Then they were carried on horseback and in sleighs along deep sand. Then they again carried him in their arms across the meadow all the way to the cemetery. The body of Father Nikon was consigned to the earth at the command of the Lord, the Creator of all, who holds in His hands the life and death of everyone and said: as you are the earth, you will return to the earth. (Gen.3:19) His righteous soul appeared before his Lord and Creator, bearing his own deeds, words and thoughts... A large pine cross was erected above the grave mound that covered the coffin with his body. After the funeral, a memorial meal was offered to everyone in the apartment of the deceased. These are the ones who came from great sorrow and asked his robe, and made his robe white in the blood of the Lamb. Behold the children that you have given me, O Lord... The sad news of the death of Father Nikon quickly reached everyone who knew and loved him. And although everyone was almost sure that no one would ever see him alive again, the thought of the inevitability of the end filled everyone’s hearts with fear. The grief, groaning and sobbing are quite understandable when what, according to God’s predestination, should have happened, has happened... “So, by the will of God, there was no longer a young man, exemplary in religious, and hence moral, views. Gifted enough to influence others for good and to be a useful worker in the field of Christ. The Lord arranges everything for the benefit of people, for eternal good. Likewise, Father Nikon was put through considerable trials so that in the young years of his earthly life he would mature for a good eternity. “Blessed is the path, walk as you go, for your soul has a resting place prepared for you” 33... This is what one elder, most likely the Optina hieromonk Father Joseph (Polevoy), who knew him as a young novice at the monastery, wrote after learning about the death of Father Nikon. Soon after the death of Father Nikon, in the same 1931, Kaluga Bishop Pavlin received a letter from one person close to him. The letter was big. At the end of the letter, a certain Ivan Yakovlevich attached a touching description of his meeting with Father Nikon in exile. “Recently I received news of the death of the Optina confessor, Hieromonk Nikon. I met him on the way to Solovki. In Butyrka prison they united us into one party. He was probably younger than me in years and looked like a well-preserved man. With him then was another monk, also from Optina Pustyn, a certain Mikhail Taube. A relatively young man, intelligent, with a higher secular education. They were both of very good monastic disposition. (I learned all this later.) These were people, so to speak, of the Optina spiritual culture. And I was glad to have such a meeting on that difficult path. They, these two Orthodox monks, were the first clergy whom I saw in my party of prisoners sent to Solovki. From Butyrka prison we were together all the way to Kem. And I was in Kemperpunkt, perhaps, for two months with them, even in the same barracks. And now, when the news of the death of Father Nikon reached me, I vividly remembered everything. And our life at that time, and the bright personality of the deceased. And now I want to share these impressions with you... Father Nikon... Father Mikhail... 34 How I see them now!.. Father Mikhail looked tall, thin, young, intelligent man, dark-haired, in monastic attire 35. And Father Nikon is a little older, a healthy-looking man, not thin, brown hair and beard, average height, open, pleasant face. He was also in monastic robes. Always reasonable, self-possessed, always bright in spirit, they were true Orthodox monks. And I was so pleased to see and hear them. We were together, as I already mentioned, from Butyrki onwards. Prisoner cage cars, Leningrad prison, again a cage car hundreds of miles along the way and, finally, Kem, Kemperpunkt. Barracks, cramped conditions, bedbugs, swearing, work and everything, everything that fit into our lives in those days, we experienced everything together. Until we parted... And we parted like that. First, one day they called Father Mikhail and sent him in the assembled party on one of the “business trips”, somewhere in the forest, on the coast of the White Sea. Then, a month or two later, they called me to be sent to Solovetsky Island. When I left with my party of prisoners for the ship, Father Nikon remained in Kemperpunkt, still as a watchman. So he remained in my memory as a watchman near some sheds and some barrels... Always with a book in his hand, always calm, quiet, silent, balanced... From where he was on duty, you could see the sea. I remember this sea well. I especially loved it on deserted white nights, when only eiders screamed in the distance on the sea, already almost free of ice, and the gentle light of the white nights spoke something to my soul. Probably, Father Nikon saw all this, worried and noticed, and then carried it away in his bright soul... I never had to talk to him the way my soul wanted. And only partly we exchanged our thoughts on this or that issue. And his prudence, balance and some kind of special spiritual culture, Optina, were probably reflected in his life, and in his behavior, and in his words, and in his silence. I appreciated him, as well as his friend, Father Mikhail, I was glad that I saw them. And now I thank God for this life meeting...” Next was attached a copy of the letter that Ivan Yakovlevich, through others, received from Karaganda from Father Kirill with a detailed description of the last days of the life, death and burial of Father Nikon. He ends his letter to Vladyka Pavlin with the words: “I deliberately rewrote this letter in its entirety to complete the picture. All this is touching - both the life and death of Father Nikon, and the memory of him among those who knew him. The kingdom of heaven to him! And may the Lord help the rest of the good monks and believing souls from the laity in the feat of Christian life.” It is interesting that Bishop Pavlin, who was appointed to the Kaluga See in December 1930, did not know Father Nikon at all and had never been to Optina Pustyn. Apparently, Ivan Yakovlevich, knowing well the high monastic dispensation of the Right Reverend Pavlin and wishing to bring him spiritual joy with the information he had about the ascetic of our time, Hieromonk Nikon, considered it his duty to describe in detail both his meeting with him and the impression created from this meeting. Father Nikon died on June 25/July 8, 1931, in full bloom of physical and mental strength, because he was not yet 43 years old. Having traced with your mental eye his entire life from the day he entered the Optina Skete until his death in distant, unknown to us Pinega, you involuntarily marvel at the insight and wisdom of the ever-memorable elder Barsanuphius, who many years in advance uttered prophetic words about the future life of his student, the young novice Nicholas: “Our whole life is a wondrous mystery, known to God alone... Our whole life is miraculously arranged according to some mysterious plan, which we do not notice and do not understand... There is always a certain concatenation of circumstances in everything, but the purpose of this coupling is unknown to us. We do not understand the meaning of this or that circumstance, but everything has a deep meaning. There is nothing accidental in our life. Even what seems trivial to us has its own meaning... Notice the events of your life. Much will be revealed later..." If the reader remembers, the young man Nikolai Belyaev first saw the St. John the Baptist Skete of Optina Pustyn on the day of the celebration of the discovery of the head of John the Baptist, February 24. And he died on the next day of the church holiday of Skete, the Nativity of John the Baptist. “Perhaps you will live to see the times when Christians will be tortured again... I’m talking about tortures similar to the ancient ones... The persecution and torment of the first Christians will probably be repeated... You will live to see these times. Mark my words. Then you will say: “Yes, I remember, Father Barsanuphius told me all this... How many years has passed!..” On the day of the death of Father Nikon, June 25, old style, the Church commemorates the holy venerable martyr Fevronia the Virgin. In his life, his sufferings and death, Father Nikon, indeed, was like a venerable martyr, devoting his soul and his entire life to God. And he, suffering for Christ, as if together with the saint, cried out in the words of church hymn: “Sweet Christ, it is not difficult for my mother-in-law to follow You, for the sweetness of Your love fills my soul with hope, and the beauty of Your mercy delights my heart, drink the cup of suffering for You, so that I may be worthy in Chertoz with the wise virgins to rejoice in You compare” (kontakion to the Venerable Martyr Fevronia). “In the life of every person, two years have fatal significance, the 20th and the 40th. The year 1920 found you in the monastery. Where will your forties find you? It would be nice - in the Kingdom of Heaven!..” “And you will have this joy. And at the end there will be... That joy will already be the beginning of eternal joy..." Oh, blessed elder, Father Barsanuphius! Your disciple, who kept your covenants until the end of his days, all his life holyly carried in his soul the heavenly light, unquenchable, filling his entire being with joy, and through suffering he passed into eternal life... When he was tonsured into the rank of angel, Father Nikolai was given a new name “Nikon”, in honor of the martyr Nikon (September 28, s/s). In the Holy Gospel, which the Church is supposed to read on the day of remembrance of the martyr, there are the words: “And you testify that from time immemorial you have been with Me.” Once upon a time, in Kozelsk, Father Nikon, on the day of his Angel, explained these words to his spiritual children, saying that the holy martyrs had the power to testify to their faith in Christ through the torments they endured, because they were always with Him, not only in words, but with their whole lives, serving their Lord, Jesus Christ. Saint Demetrius of Rostov wrote: “It is very useful to remember those who suffered for Christ, for the very memory of their suffering can arouse in our soul love for God and give our striving for virtue, as it were, some wings, so that we, for the sake of future reward, mentally endure the same suffering that the martyrs suffered in the flesh.” In the words of one holy father, “monasticism is invisible martyrdom.” And not only through his struggle during his monastic career with the world, the flesh and the devil, but also through his exile and suffering, Father Nikon to some extent became like a martyr. More than thirty years have passed since the death of our ever-remembered father, Hieromonk Nikon. Almost all the fathers and brothers of Optina Pustyn, the companions and associates of Father Nikon, having completed their life’s journey, went into eternity. Many of his spiritual children and admirers moved from this earthly vale, filled with troubles and disasters, to another country unknown to us. The few survivors, old and weak, preparing to move to another world, sacredly honor the memory of their spiritual father and mentor, Father Nikon. His image, in their memories, illuminates the difficult path of life they have traversed as a guiding star, and reminds them of death, humility, repentance and patience in their eleventh hour of life. From a distant, other world, his voice sounds in their hearts - a never-dying call to eternal life, to life according to God's commandments, in the spirit of Truth. And not only his words and teachings, which he guided his spiritual children along the path of true life in Christ, but his entire life, the life of an ascetic of our time, remained an example and model to follow. Father Nikon was a true monk and ascetic. Until the end of his days, he sacredly kept the vows he had given to God at the time of tonsure, the vows of virginity, non-covetousness, obedience, humility and patience. He was very strict, vigilant and careful in relation to his “old man” and, unless absolutely necessary, never touched anyone and never kept his gaze on anyone... There was such a case. In one worldly house where he was invited, a cat jumped onto his lap. Before throwing her off his lap, he wrapped the edge of his robe around his hand. An all-night vigil was held at the Kozelsky Cathedral. A sore leg did not allow Father Nikon to stand for a long time, and while reading the Six Psalms, he sat down, placing his sore leg on a stool. Somehow, his spiritual daughters found out about this, and one of them, the old mother Evdokia Salomon, handed over her large warm scarf to the choir to put under Father Nikon’s sore leg. The scarf was immediately returned. His non-covetousness was mentioned more than once in this story. For his household needs he had only the essentials. All surplus was distributed to the poor, old and sick monks and nuns. Even in prison and exile, he did not forget the vow he had made and not only gave freely to those who asked him, but even asked himself, knowing from himself that not everyone can ask, if they needed anything? And a few days before his death, when sister Irina, seeing the end approaching, asked him what order he would give regarding his things, he did not answer her. He had no time for perishable things, preparing to appear before the throne of God, and her question was inappropriate. Father Nikon's entire life was built on obedience. Obedience to the Lord God, Almighty, Creator and Provider - in fulfilling the commandments of His saints. Obedience to the Church in the person of its hierarchs and leaders, the servants of God. Obedience to your spiritual father and elder. “A long time ago, when I was in the Skete, a thought came to me: behold, I have nothing, neither internal monasticism, nor external, for I do not perform any physical feats. And with the eyes of my soul I don’t see a monk in myself. Then, in order not to perish, I decided to follow the path of obedience. After this decision, I did only what I was told and found peace. They told me: go from Skete to the monastery. I switched even though I didn't want to. And in general, in everything and always I tried to fulfill not my own will, but the will of the authorities of my monastery and my spiritual father. Elder Nektarios once told me wonderful words about this: “There is nothing more destructive for a monk than to organize his life according to his own intellect.” And Elder Nektarios was particularly observant and possessed the gift of perspicacity. Obedience is the most important thing for a monk. An obedient monk is always in a good mood, always light, joyful and carefree in his soul. I wish I could always be in this mood.” This is how Father Nikon told his spiritual children about himself, teaching them. He retained this blissful, carefree mood of a true novice until his death. His whole life, without interruption, was obedience to the will of God, expressed through people. Only for obedience did he move from Skete, blessed Skete, dear to his heart, with its silence and solitude, to a monastery to which his soul did not lie. For his obedience, he sang in the choir due to a lack of bass, despite the fact that he did not like musical singing, and despite the fact that his throat was weak, he quickly got tired. For obedience, he carried on his shoulders his responsible work in the Optina Pustyn agricultural artel. For obedience, he accepted the heavy yoke of his confessor. For obedience, he served in the church of the former monastery until the last moment. For obedience to Father Agapit, he did nothing to improve his position in exile. For obedience he endured the bullying of his unmerciful mistress in the village of Voepala. For obedience to the will of God, he moved to live with Father Peter... But obedience to people encountered on his life’s path was always based on spiritual reasoning, and everything that disagreed with the covenants of the Gospel and the rules of the Church was steadily rejected by him, for always and everywhere “the Law of God (was) in his heart” (Ps. 36). And he was wise and prudent beyond his years. Even when he was not forty years old, and he was just beginning his work as a confessor, he once said to the nun Ambrosia, who expressed to him her involuntary admiration for two young nuns who had come to him from afar: – They are still young, how can one be firmly confident in them?.. And he himself was still young. But... “He was young in years, and in spiritual wisdom he surpassed the elders, adorned with gray hair.”... Even in Kozelsk, as a confessor, with his playful conversations and funny words he always dispersed the melancholy and despondency that often took possession of his weak spiritual daughters in contact with the sorrowful events of those days. These funny words were like a ray of sunshine suddenly breaking through the clouds. Smiles blossomed on sad, worried faces, and childish joy shone in the eyes of everyone. At the same time, he himself remained imperturbably calm, and only subtle cheerful sparkles sparkled in his blue eyes. He was like this in exile, in his illness, and even on his deathbed. When his suffering lessened and he felt lighter, he still, quietly smiling, tried to joke. He proved his great humility before the inscrutable destinies of God throughout his life, in all his deeds and undertakings, leaving behind him a high example for all who strive to live according to the will of God. In dealing with his spiritual children, the virtue of humility always followed the motto of reasoning. Invariably calm, extremely restrained in the manifestation of his feelings and at the same time animated by inner quiet joy, he treated his spiritual children attentively, carefully, lovingly and moderately strictly. It was difficult for him to guide and instruct some of his mentally ill and unreasonable spiritual daughters on the path of salvation, and there were many unfortunate, unpleasant, painful cases in his practice as a confessor. Some, very often without realizing it, abused his love and bothered him over trifles, taking away precious time and energy... “I'm an ordinary person. I try not to pretend to be anything. I try to treat everyone according to my conscience, for the sake of salvation, both mine and those who come to me... I am even pleased when opinions about me differ, because although this is unpleasant for pride, it is useful for the salvation of the soul...” This is how he wrote to one of his spiritual daughters, who expressed to him her indignation and indignation at the people slandering him. He never condemned anyone, always firmly remembering the commandment of God: “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” (Matthew 7:1) He never repaid evil for evil, neither in word nor in deed, trembling the One who said: “Vengeance is mine, I will repay” (Heb. 10:30), (Deut. 32:35) and – “Judgment without mercy to him who has not shown mercy.” ( James 2:13 ) No one ever saw him angry or irritated. Imbued with great and calm restraint, the fruit of the high spiritual Optina culture, “he was always the same, wearing on his magnificent face something like heavenly joy.” Even in exceptional circumstances, he always remained calm and calm... From a young age, he was deeply imbued with the spirit of Christian teaching, and what many of the monastics, who lived their whole lives in the monastery, achieved only in old age, mastered perfectly, being far from old. The moral enlightenment that he received as a gift for his firm faith in God and true, selfless obedience to the wise elder Barsanuphius, involuntarily set him apart from many. “Every soul illuminated from above by grace is simple. There is no guile or flattery in her. She is the vessel and dwelling place of God Himself.” Grace sanctified and illuminated his soul and his whole life. She shone and shone in all his deeds and words. The rays of grace, invisibly emanating from him, attracted people to him, exhausted in the darkness of the evil and empty vanity of life and suffering under the tyranny of their own passions. People of all ages came to him: simple and educated, intelligent and foolish, striving to receive at least a tiny share of the Divine light that illuminated his soul. And no matter who came to him for advice and guidance, he never refused anyone, striving to fulfill at least in part the words of his Lord Jesus Christ: He who comes to Me will not be cast out. Illuminated by a gracious light, he gave everyone who came to him the kind of advice and instruction that only a person who “had a firm, unquestioning faith and walked all his life along the paths of the commandments of God” could give. During the years of especially tangible suffering and hardship that befell all Christian believers, when many, under the burden of temptation, were subjected to despondency and relaxation, he especially persistently taught the great virtue of patience. He constantly reminded everyone of the need to endure what was sent by God and not to be curious about the future, often repeating the words: “It is not clear what will happen.” He also often repeated to the despondent: “Now is the time favorable, now is the day of salvation,” persistently convincing that in the matter of salvation one cannot count on an unknown, more favorable future. He himself was a great example of patience, always, from the days of his youth until his death, complacently enduring everything sent to him by God. His soul, burning with firm faith and love for God, accepted everything that happened to him with reverence, as if from the hand of the Lord, as from the Lord Himself. And his suffering, from the day of his arrest until his death, was great. He endured everything complacently, confirming his words: “Patience is uninterrupted complacency.” He always endured everything in silence, never complaining to anyone about his sorrows. For everything sad that happened to him, he thanked God, surrendering himself, and everything to the will of God. He often said prayerfully the words: “Glory to Thee, my God, for the sorrow sent. I now accept what is worthy of my deeds. Remember me when you come into Your Kingdom, and may Your will be done for all, only good and perfect!” And during his dying illness, despite his ever-increasing suffering, and in the end, complete helplessness, he remained faithful to his vow to endure everything. Not only did he hardly complain to anyone about his illness, but he also did not demand or ask for anything to alleviate his torment, not expressing his displeasure with anything in any deed, word, or even glance, humbly accepting everything that was sent to him as his due. He never abandoned prayer, this foundation of monastic life. Even in prison, even in exile. Where it was impossible to follow the prayer rule from the book, I mentally read from memory what I could remember, filling the gaps with the Jesus Prayer. Even in a serious illness, chained to his deathbed, when he did not have the strength to read from a book, prayer and prayerful sighing did not leave his lips. Most often he repeated the Jesus Prayer and the “Heavenly King” prayer. I read the canons of the Sweetest Jesus and the Mother of God from memory until I was completely exhausted. I quoted the words of the psalm: “My soul abhors all evil, and those who draw near to the gates of death...” (Ps. 106:18), Lord, Thy will be done! He often liked to repeat the words of the Apostle: “... But they were beaten, and did not receive deliverance, so that they might receive a better resurrection” (Heb. 11: end of verse 35). This was his favorite verse... Until his very death, he remembered with love about his spiritual children, given to him by the Lord, and almost until his last breath he did not abandon care for their souls, answering their letters, praying for them, blessing them in absentia, in the air, with his last blessing. One day he wrote to one of his spiritual daughters in a reply letter the following words: “God willing, we’ll see you then and there, when and where it pleases God...” The Lord was pleased to take his righteous soul to Himself. One of the ascetics of ancient times, the Venerable Barsanuphius the Great, among his sayings that have come down to us, has the following words: “God will not take the soul of a righteous man until he brings him into a high measure, into a perfect man.” Despite his relatively young age, Father Nikon worked hard, fighting the invisible enemies of the Christian and the monk, from the world, the flesh and the devil, valiantly repelling their attacks with the power of Christ. He worked to the same extent in the field of Christ, diligently sowing the seeds of truth, love and goodness. The good seed, which he sowed with love into the souls of the verbal sheep of Christ he shepherded, did not perish. It grew, invisible and secret, like a grain sown in the ground. In its time it brought the fruit of life in the Holy Spirit, Ineffable Love... The body of Father Nikon lies in distant Pinega. The memory of him is alive in the souls of those who love and remember him. His soul stands before the Lord in anticipation of that mysterious and terrible moment when there will be no more time (Rev. 10:6), when the books of everyone’s lives will be unraveled and the secrets of everyone will be revealed. Then his soul will appear before his Lord and Creator and, pointing to the souls of his spiritual children, humbly say: - These are the children that you have given to me, Lord! – “Take away the honorable from the unworthy, as My mouth shall be,” says the Lord... (Jer. 15:19) Our venerable father Ephraim the Syrian said: “The life of the righteous begins at their death.” In another place he said: “Do not cry over the dead, this is the common path. And blessed is he who reaches the end without reproach.” Your eternal memory, our venerable father Nikon, ever remembered. May God bless and give you peace, and have mercy on us, for He is Good and Lover of Mankind. Standing before the throne of God, as one of the elect, remember in your holy prayers your unworthy children who honor your memory, Our Father Nikon, ever-memorable! To our God be glory, honor and worship, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen. Reverend Father Nikon, pray to God for us! Guardian of the Optina spirit The author of the life of the Optina elder Nikon is his devoted spiritual daughter, nun Maria (in the world Maria Semyonovna Dobromyslova). She was born in 1900 in Kozelsk. Her mother, Zinaida Aleksandrovna, née Nikolskaya, was the daughter of a granted nobleman Alexander Yakovlevich Nikolsky, leader of the Kozelsky nobility. Father, Semyon Ilyich Dobromyslov, graduated from Kazan University and worked as a teacher in Kozelsk, and then took the priesthood and served in a village not far from Kozelsk. But his priesthood was short-lived, in 1903 he died of tuberculosis of the throat, and three-year-old Masha lost her closest person, for her mother and two brothers, with whom she lived in Kozelsk, were far from her. My mother became a communist, although, as she herself said, she joined the party for rations - she worked in the police, and after the first “purge” she was expelled from the party. Elder brother Pavel became a Red Commissar at the age of seventeen and died in battles in southern Ukraine in 1920. Another brother, Nikolai, moved to Moscow in 1926, studied at the workers' faculty and subsequently graduated from the Architectural Institute. Maria Semyonovna was a weak child from childhood. “The well-fed does not understand the hungry” - the brothers could not understand why Masha did not participate in their games and went into the house or into the shade from the bright sun. The mother was also perplexed, and the girl’s eyes grew dark. Only her nanny understood her and often took her to the churches of Optina Pustyn. “The soul is Christian by nature,” and even as a child Masha understood all the sweetness of peace of mind during reverently strict monastic services. The whole appearance and way of life of the ancient monastery filled the child’s heart with joy and warmed it. The nanny did not tire her pupil by standing for a long time and allowed her to go out into the yard. Sometimes Masha walked around the yard alone and collected such beautiful fallen autumn leaves. As she grew older, she began to understand the charm of the service itself. She heard a lot about the help of elders to people who came to them. Once, when the nanny brought Masha to the Skete for a blessing, the elder, blessing her, said: “She is weak, but the Lord will help her.” Mother was with Maria Semyonovna until the end of her life (she died at 93), but did not share her religious views, or rather, she simply did not understand much. So, one day, walking with the children along the stairs from the Holy Gates to the bell tower of Optina Pustyn, in one of the tents she saw beads that she liked. Zinaida Alexandrovna bought them and put them on Masha. Then they explained to the girl that these were not beads, but monastic rosaries. As the daughter of a deceased priest, Masha was taken to the diocesan school at public expense; even on vacation, her mother did not always take her home. She didn’t have any close friends, and she dressed worse than others. They were taken for walks around the city in pairs, and instead of these decorous walks, Masha preferred to stay at home and read everything she had. Now she consciously resorted to prayer despite all the hardships of a lonely person among people. In 1917, Maria Semyonovna graduated from the Kozelsky gymnasium and became a primary school teacher. When Optina Pustyn was turned into a museum, she went to work there. She lived there and painted landscapes. Until 1927, she worked at the Optina Pustyn Museum as deputy director. When the museum was closed, an orphanage was organized in the Skete, where Maria Semyonovna began working as a teacher. She took the children to the well of St. Paphnutius of Borovsky and dipped them one by one, as she baptized; Passing women swore at her: you will drown, they say. Maria Semyonovna was not interested in everyday issues; she did not get married. Gradually she delved deeper into spiritual life. She didn’t work anywhere for several years, and then she entered VKHUTEMAS, which was created on the ruins of the Imperial Stroganov Art and Technical School. However, her health did not allow her to complete her studies. Two years later, Maria Semyonovna left Moscow, and in 1934 she went to work at the Kaluga Sanitary and Bacteriological Laboratory. That same year she moved to Kaluga, where she remained for the rest of her life. They sold the house in Kozelsk, and spent the proceeds for two years. Soon after moving to Kaluga, Maria Semyonovna took secret monastic vows. The Venerable Mary of Egypt becomes her heavenly patroness. Those around her had no idea about anything, and outwardly the life of the “hermit in the world” went on as usual in the city, invisible to the godless world. In 1939, due to heart and liver disease, she became disabled. The war has begun. For several months Kaluga was occupied by the Germans, but the Lord protected His faithful servant. One day a German officer entered Maria Semyonovna’s house. She was very scared - only her mother was in the house. The officer, seeing the standing harmonium, motioned to wipe off the dust from it, sat down and began to play. I played for about an hour, then just as silently got up and left. When Maria Semyonovna and her mother were sitting in a shelter during the bombing, a shell hit their house. They settled into an apartment in the building where Konstantin Eduardovich Tsiolkovsky had previously lived. In the first war years, Maria Semyonovna did not work anywhere due to disability. The pension was small, and I had to earn a living by drawing maps. When the war was coming to an end, Maria Semyonovna began working in the sculpture workshop of the factory. The salary became higher, but the physical workload was too much for her, and soon after the war she moved to the laboratory of the tuberculosis dispensary as a second laboratory assistant. In 1956, Maria Semyonovna received second-degree disability for life and no longer worked anywhere. In the 1960s, Maria Semyonovna painted color portraits of all the Optina elders (kept in the Church and Archaeological Cabinet of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, where Maria Semyonovna subsequently transferred them). Maria Semyonovna was familiar with the spiritual daughter of the Optina Elder Nektary, the poetess Nadezhda Alexandrovna Pavlovich. Together with the director of the Kozelsky branch of the Kaluga Regional Museum of Local Lore, Vasily Nikolaevich Sorokin, they made a lot of efforts to restore the destroyed Optina Pustyn. From the description of the graves of the Optina Pustyn necropolis, compiled in 1925 by Nadezhda Grigorievna Chulkova, Maria Semyonovna made a handwritten copy. Maria Semyonovna personally rewrote and systematized the spiritual heritage of her elder and mentor of Optina Hieromonk Nikon: his diary, letters, sermons and conversations. In 1965, she compiled his biography, which she then rewrote twice, correcting various errors inevitable in such a large work. Until her death, Maria Semyonovna carried the light of Christ in spirit, word and deed. Many people who interacted with her spoke of the gift of insight and spiritual reasoning with which she was distinguished. On July 1, 1986, after two months of illness, Maria Semenovna Dobromyslova went to be with the Lord. Even before her illness, she told the women who looked after her that she had clothes prepared for the funeral. Friends knew where these clothes were, but they never looked. It was time to dress, they opened it and saw that everything was monastic, only instead of the apostle there was a black scarf... On April 14, 1992, on the day of remembrance of the Venerable Mary of Egypt, the Optina brethren installed a large wooden cross on the grave of nun Mary and celebrated a requiem mass. This edition takes into account the changes to the text made by the author by 1975 (the 1965 manuscript and the typescript from the 1975 manuscript are stored in the archives of Optina Pustyn). Some inaccuracies in the text of the life have been corrected, and some passages have been provided with footnotes. On November 4/17, 1987, Optina Pustyn was transferred to the Moscow Patriarchate as a stauropegial monastery. The Monk Ambrose of Optina loved to repeat these words of Saint Ephraim the Syrian. A.N. Pleshcheev. The Legend of the Child Christ. Music by P.I. Tchaikovsky. After graduating from the university, Sergei Mitrofanovich Belyaev commanded a company on the Russian-German front during the First World War and died heroically in 1915 with the rank of second lieutenant. Rome. 13:11 ; Heb. 4:7; Heb. 13:13; OK. 9:60; Matt. 16:24. The human soul does not see other spirits and itself because all its attention is scattered on appearance. (Author's note) From one private letter. Matt. 11:25 and Luke. 10:21. "Ladder", lyrics. 27, dept. 61. This refers to the Followed Psalter. "Ladder", lyrics. 21, dept. 7. Deut.20:8 and Prov.29:25. Matthew 9:13; Mark 2:17 and Luke 5:32. Proverbs 3:34 ; James 4:6 and 1 Peter 5:5. Ps.118:14; Ps.103:33 and Ps.146:2. “My grief began with the fact that I did not tell anyone (even the elder) about some of my temptations... It could have been sinless for me if I had not condemned and despised others and, moreover, not small people. And whoever you condemn for anything, you will inevitably be condemned for the same! This is where it started to break me! My brother knew this superficially, and somehow his heart did not open to me at that time...” (From a letter from I.M. Belyaev to JI.B. and V.E. Mezhekov dated June 18/July 1, 1959.) Ivan Belyaev did not accept tonsure. On Mount Athos he met the hieroschemamonk Parthenius, who blessed him with “the miraculous image of his Angel.” Ivan received Ryasophorus by Easter 1912. “In Optina they didn’t have time to put it on me before I left for Golutvin and it was sent by mail a week later. Father Barsanuphius personally dressed me in it.” (From a letter from I.M. Belyaev to JI.B. and V.E. Mezhekov dated September 3/16, 1958.) A common chapel was built later. Father Nektary was elected an elder on March 12, 1912, after Elder Barsanuphius was transferred to the Staro-Golutvin Monastery. In the “Chronicle of the Skete” there is an entry dated May 15, 1913: “The skete ryasophore monk Father Nikolai Belyaev was transferred to the monastery,” - Father Nikolai was transferred to the monastery five days after the 40th day after the death of Elder Barsanuphius. The last part of Elder Nikon’s diary disappeared from one of the arrested Optina monks. “When the war of 1914 began, it was ordered from above to allocate at the disposal of the Red Cross one hieromonk and one clergyman from among the brethren to help him at the front. Father Archimandrite singled out Father Gabriel and me. Why his choice fell on both of us is unknown to me. That’s when Father Gabriel and I went to Moscow to see Bishop Tryphon and received his blessing for the trip.” (From a letter from I.M. Belyaev to JI.E. and V.E. Mezhekov dated October 3/16, 1958.) On July 3/16, 1989, the relics of Elder Nektarios were found and transferred to Optina Pustyn Paraphrase of the stichera on “Lord I cried” from the service to the holy forty martyrs of Sebaste. The last period of his life I.M. Belyaev spent his time in deepest repentance. At the end of the 50s, he wrote memoirs about the childhood and youth of Elder Nikon, comments on his diary and several akathists. On October 9/22, 1969, on the feast day of St. Ambrose, he departed to the Lord with all Christian instructions. Bishop Mikhei of Ufa and Menzelinsky died on February 3, 1931. Subsequently, schema-hegumen Pavel (Drachev); reposed in the 93rd year of his life during Great Lent on the Sunday of the Cross on March 16/29, 1981 and was buried in the village of Cherkasy, Efremovsky district, Tula region, at the altar of the Church of St. Sergius of Radonezh. At the end of May 1931, Elder Nikon nevertheless blessed nun Irina to come to him in exile, and Hieromonk Pimen, the future Patriarch of Moscow and All Russia, gave her money for the journey. Nun Irina, later schema-nun Seraphim, in the 106th year of her life, returned to the reviving Shamordino monastery and reposed on the patronal feast of the Kazan Mother of God on October 21/November 3, 1990. Schema-nun Seraphima told the Optina monks about this vision in 1988–1990. Father Agapit. (Note by author) Father Agapit, as soon as he was arrested, put on monastic clothes and never took them off. (Note by author)