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Loneliness: a state of mind or the absence of people nearby? Psychologist's viewtranslated

September 8, 2026 · 1 min read

We are accustomed to using the word “loneliness” to describe many objective statuses and subjective experiences: from a temporary desire to be alone to a state of mind, from marital status to a nagging feeling in the middle of a crowd or within a family...

What is loneliness really? What should you do if it gnaws at you and is it normal if it doesn’t, even if you’re really alone? We talked about all this with psychologist Konstantin Olkhov.

Konstantin Olkhovoy

psychotherapist

What is loneliness from a psychological point of view?

Loneliness is an experience in which a person perceives a discrepancy between the desired and actual quality of his social connections. This is not the fact of the absence of people nearby, but rather a signal from the brain about a social threat, which is perceived as painful as physical pain. That is, it is not the situation itself, but the brain’s assessment of the situation. A person can be alone on a desert island and not feel lonely. And vice versa - among people and in family, you can feel deeply lonely if the brain evaluates these connections as superficial or false.

frimufilms/Magnific

Why is this happening? On the one hand, it is difficult for people to stand with each other, to do...

Source: Журнал ФОМА · Read the full story →

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💬 Comments (4) 🌐 Show original

Роман Лебедев

Loneliness as a brain signal about a social threat has been accurately noted. It happens to me that after a shift in electrics, I come home, my wife and daughter are next to me, but I still feel cut off, because the conversation is only about everyday life and kindergarten. But when you sit fishing with men, even if we are silent for hours, there is no loneliness. I wonder, Konstantin, how to retrain the brain for this?

Анастасия Попова

Loneliness as a brain signal of social threat is certain. It also happens to me after a shift in the accounting department: my husband and son are nearby at home, but there is no one to talk to heart to heart, everything is about dinner and homework. But at Sunday school or on a hike with parishioners - it’s a completely different matter, there are real connections. Thanks for the article, Konstantin.

Василий Петров

Loneliness as a signal from the brain about a social threat has been correctly noted. It also happens to me in the garden after a shift: you sit alone in the apartment in the evening, your daughters call, but it’s still empty, because the conversations are short, about health and the weather. But when we stand in church after the service with the men and talk about life like human beings, it’s immediately easier.

Radu Nistor

Loneliness as a signal of social threat, as this psychologist Olhovoi says, seems to me the clearest thing in the article. I, after being a widower, sometimes sit with my fishing rod at Olt and feel nothing, although I am alone; but in the church choir, surrounded by people, sometimes it still seems to me that the connections are a bit superficial. What do you think, does it help more to look for real connections or to get used to this signal in your head?