Married for 10 years, husband beats. Why did my love for him go away?translated

Reader question:

Married for 10 years, two children. 9 years old husband raises his hand to me. Every year more and more people say that I am not what I would like. At first I resisted and didn’t understand him, then I tried to defend myself, now I don’t do anything, I just cry... At first I quickly forgave and showed love. Now I can’t. It seems that I have forgiven, we move on, but inside there is a “stop” to love, feelings, care, etc. We've been arguing constantly for 10 years. The reasons don’t change: either stupid jealousy, or not giving me a spoon on time, or not going to help right away, because I’m sitting alone with the children and it’s a whole story to go to another city to help my husband, etc. All the time we live 24/7, all 10 years. There is a feeling that I don’t love my husband, but somewhere there is a smoldering fire with hope for the best. It’s difficult to manifest and ignite it, not because of pride, but because I feel danger and don’t trust it. It seems that he doesn’t need my love, and there is a feeling that no one needs it and won’t need it except children. The feeling that I, in principle, cannot love any man, ever.

Why do I feel like I don’t love my husband as much as I should and would like?

Alexandra

Priest's answer:

Archpriest Andrey EFANOV

God you...