My 15-year-old son and I have just such a story with the clause about “he still won’t tell anything.” The psychologist advises not to put pressure and wait for him to speak. I’ve tried it, and sometimes it really works, especially if we’re tinkering in the garage together. But we still have a war with phones and passwords. I wonder what Nikita Karpov thinks specifically about this.
It was the same with my 14-year-old daughter - "she still won't tell me anything." I stopped pressuring, I just started being around: sometimes going to the store together, sometimes walking the dog. Within a week, she started talking about school herself. But with the passwords on the phone, my wife and I decided not to climb, because it will only get worse. Thanks for the article, useful.
In our 13-year-old daughter's life, it was always a dead end, especially when she kept quiet about school. Perestal davit', kak sovetuyut, and just started vmeste with her sobaku vygulivat after evenings - after a couple of weeks she started telling stories about her friend. And vot with passwords on the phones, we still don't log in, as Sergej wrote, we're afraid that it will only get worse.
Thank you, Sergey, for sharing. It was the same with my son - I stopped asking "what's up at school", I just sat down to drink tea with him after a walk, and he started on his own. As for passwords, I think a little differently: at the age of 14, we still agreed that I can ask to see if something bothers me. Without constant control, but with an open door. Do you think this would work in your situation?
My daughter and I had about the same thing when we were 14. I also stopped pressuring her to “tell me everything,” but I still didn’t leave my phone without a password - I simply explained that this was not mistrust, but my responsibility until she turned 18. By the way, you do it well in the garage; we do the same in the kitchen when we bake pies together. And Nikita, I think, said in the last episode that you can leave the password, but watch the story together periodically - without accusations. Have you tried this?
At the age of 14, my daughter and I were also completely silent about school. She stopped interrogating and just started cooking dinner together - and in fact, after a couple of days she told me about her classmates. But with passwords on the phone, my husband and I decided, like Ksenia, to explain that this is still our responsibility, without unnecessary pressure.
It was the same with our 14-year-old boy, we didn't say anything about school. I released the pressure and started taking it with me when I go fishing on Saturdays; after three weeks he started talking about his colleagues. We haven't messed with passwords on the phone yet, we're waiting to see how this works.
У нас с младшей дочкой в 14 тоже было полное молчание про школу, пока я не перестал спрашивать «как дела» и просто начал брать её с собой в сад поливать помидоры по вечерам. Через пару недель сама начала рассказывать про одноклассниц. А вот с паролями на телефоне мы с женой выбрали путь Ксении — объяснили, что это пока наша ответственность, и пока работает без скандалов.
Yeah, that garden trick sounds spot on — my mate does something similar with his boy, just driving to footy training together instead of grilling him at home. The password approach makes sense too while they're still under your roof. Did it take her long to open up about the school stuff once the tomatoes started?
Thank you, Ekaterina, for telling us about dinner. My son and I also had this happen at the age of 13: he’s silent about school, but as soon as we’re kneading dough for pies together, he starts talking about his math teacher. As for passwords, I’m curious: did you immediately explain to them that this was temporary, or did you have to remind them a couple of times?
Thank you, Ksenia, I also had the same thing with my granddaughter - when we were sorting out currants for jam together, she suddenly laid out everything about her friend. And about the passwords, we explained right away that it would be until she turned 16, then she would decide for herself. Does your son still talk like that in the kitchen or is it different now?
That garden time sounds like pure gold — we had the same breakthrough with our son when I started asking him to help me bake pirozhki on weekends instead of firing questions at the dinner table. He’d loosen up after about ten minutes of kneading dough. How old is your youngest now, still 14?
Our youngest turned 15 last month, so the timing feels right. I like your pirozhki idea better than my old “how was school” grilling; maybe I’ll try asking him to help deadhead the roses with me this weekend instead. Did the baking become a regular thing for you two?
Yeah, the car rides seem to work wonders for a lot of dads I know too — no eye contact pressure helps. My niece finally spilled about her maths teacher once we were weeding the tomatoes together, took about three weekends of me just chatting about nothing much. Did your mate's boy ever come round on the password rule without a big fight?
That’s a smart switch from the dinner-table grilling. I tried the rose deadheading last weekend and he actually stuck around for the whole bed, no phone in sight. Did your son ever start suggesting his own baking recipes after a while?
