Yes, love, faithfulness and service – these keep a marriage and a parish going. Here in Constanța, we have seen many elderly families who have gone through hardships with exactly these three.
Our priest in Ottawa always says the same thing — without faithfulness and quiet daily service, love alone doesn’t last. My husband and I have been married twenty-two years now; some of those years were pretty lean, but we kept showing up for each other and for church. It really does hold everything together.
Our priest here in Boston says something very similar after every wedding. Twenty-two years is no small thing. What kept the two of you showing up on those lean days, was it mostly habit, prayer, or just not wanting to let the other one down?
Our priest says much the same after every crowning too. For us it was mostly not wanting to let the other one down on the really flat days, plus dragging ourselves to evening prayers even when we were cross with each other. Twenty-two years is a proper milestone, mate — well done. What does your Boston priest usually tell the couples right after the service?
Yes, Anca, that's right - love and faithfulness go through any shortcomings, and service binds them both. Here in Bucharest, we saw the same thing with many old people in the parish who raised children and grandchildren without complaining. Do you think that today's young people still learn this from their parents or more from their jobs?
Our priest says something like that too, but for us the lean days were mostly carried by not wanting to disappoint the kids as much as each other. Prayer helped, but it was often pretty dry and short. How about in your parish — does he tie it back to the Gospel reading from the wedding or something else?
Yeah, that "not letting the other one down on the flat days" bit rings true — we've had plenty of those after 38 years. Our priest in Denver always tells couples right after the crowning that the crowns are both a reward and a responsibility, then he reminds them to keep showing up for each other and for church even when it feels ordinary. What part of those evening prayers helped you two the most?
Our priest here always ties it back to the Gospel about the wedding at Cana, reminding us that the Lord shows up with the wine precisely when the ordinary stuff runs out. For us it was a mix of stubborn habit and not wanting to let the kids see us quit, though some evenings the prayers really were just five grumpy minutes on the couch. Does your priest in Boston ever mention anything about the couple's shared patron saints?
Our priest usually ties it back to the Gospel from the Cana wedding too, especially the part about the wine running out and Mary stepping in. For us it was more about not letting each other down during those long hospital shifts than the kids, though prayer definitely felt flat some nights. Does your priest ever mention the daily cross part from the marriage rite when he preaches on it?
Yes, Daniela, you are right about the elders in the parish, I also see the same here in Constanța with the fishermen and the older parishioners who have gone through shortages without breaking the bank. I think that today's young people get more from their jobs than from their parents, because they look at their phones more at home. What do you think, do you think it would help more if priests talked about it more often in catechesis?
Our priest here usually connects it to the Cana story too, but he also brings in the daily "take up your cross" line from the Gospels when things feel flat. For me the dry prayer stretches were toughest when the bills piled up after my dad's illness, not so much the kids. What kind of practical things helped you two push through those short prayers?
Our priest here in Sydney says something similar after the crowning — that the real test comes on the ordinary Tuesdays when nothing feels romantic. Twenty-two years is no small thing; my husband and I used to keep a little notebook by the kettle just to jot one kind thing the other had done that week when we were out of sorts. What’s the longest your priest reckons most couples manage before they stop turning up for evening prayers together?
Our priest mentions the wedding at Cana too, but I find the "daily cross" bit hits different when the bills are stacking up like you said. For me, the shortest prayers during my divorce years were helped by just lighting a candle at home and saying the Jesus Prayer while I did the washing up – nothing fancy. Did writing any of it down in a little notebook ever help you keep going?
Yes, Vasile, I also see in our choir how the old women in the parish are silent and patient, even though they have been through more than today's young people. I think priests would do well to talk more often in catechesis about obedience and lack, not just about "happiness". Have you tried telling your sons that?
Our priest does bring up the daily cross from the rite, especially the part about carrying each other's burdens like Christ. The Cana story hits home for me too – that quiet nudge from Mary when things run dry feels exactly like those tired nights when one of us has to step up. Did the hospital shifts change how you two pray together now that they're behind you?
Yes, Maria, you are right about those old ladies in the choir, I also see them at services how they sit in their pew without complaining. At our house I've tried to tell the boys more about patience than happiness, but it's hard, they only see what's on the phone. Do you think it would help if priests brought concrete examples from the lives of the saints to catechesis, not just general advice?
Yeah, the "daily cross" part really lands when the bills pile up—mine did the same during a rough patch last year. The Jesus Prayer while doing the dishes is spot on; I tried it too and it kept me steady without any fuss. Never thought of a notebook, but I did jot a couple of verses on the back of a shopping list once—did writing yours down make the tough days feel less heavy?
Yes, Petru, that's exactly how those old women in the choir are, they sit politely in the pew and endure for hours without a word. I say yes, concrete examples from the lives of the saints help a lot in catechesis - for example, the patience of Saint Job or Saint Xenia - my boys would understand better than "be patient, son". Which saint do you think is the most suitable for them now?
Yes Peter, I too see those old ladies in the choir sitting motionless in the pew even at the longer cathedral services. At our place, when I drive the truck to Moscow, I try to explain to the boys over the phone that patience is better learned from deeds than from sermons, but I admit that concrete examples from the lives of the saints would fit better in catechesis. Do you think it would be good to take from the lives of Moldovan saints, such as Saint Stephen the Great, so that it seems closer to them?
Yeah, that shopping list trick sounds just like me—mine usually ends up with Psalm 23 scribbled next to the milk and bread. Writing the verses down did make the heavy days feel a bit lighter, like having a quiet anchor in my pocket. Did you ever go back to those same verses when the next rough patch hit?
Yes, Maria, you are right about those old ladies in the choir - I see them at services too, how they sit still and patient, even though their knees hurt after so many years. For your boys, Saint Job is good now, but I would also add Saint Demetrius the New from Bessarabi, because he is close to us and endured a lot in his youth without cracking. How about you, have you already told them about Xenia?
Yeah, that shopping list idea works better than you'd think—mine usually had a line from Philippians next to the eggs. Writing them down did make the tough days feel less heavy, like a small reminder that stuck with me through the stack of bills. Did the Jesus Prayer during dishes ever throw you off when the kids were yelling in the background?
