Reader: I was born in Egypt and while my parents were still alive, when I was twelve years old, I left them and went to Alexandria. There I lost my chastity and indulged in uncontrollable and insatiable fornication. For more than seventeen years I indulged in sin without restraint and did everything for free. I didn't take money not because I was rich. I lived in poverty and made money from yarn. I thought that the whole meaning of life was to satisfy carnal lust. While leading such a life, I once saw a multitude of people from Libya and Egypt going to the sea to sail to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross. I also wanted to sail with them. But not for the sake of Jerusalem and not for the sake of the holiday, but, forgive me, father, so that there would be more with whom to indulge in debauchery. So I boarded the ship. Now, father, believe me, I myself am surprised how the sea tolerated my debauchery and fornication, how the earth did not open its mouth and bring me alive to hell, which deceived and destroyed so many souls... But, apparently, God desired my repentance, not even the death of a sinner and patiently awaiting conversion.
So I arrived in Jerusalem and all the days before the holiday, as on the ship, I was engaged in bad deeds. When the holy holiday of the Exaltation of the Venerable Cross of the Lord arrived, I still walked around, catching the souls of young people in sin. Seeing that everyone went to the church very early, where the Life-Giving Tree was located, I went with everyone and entered the church vestibule. When the hour of the Holy Exaltation arrived, I wanted to enter the church with all the people. Having made my way to the doors with great difficulty, I, damned, tried to squeeze inside. But as soon as I stepped on the threshold, some divine force stopped me, not allowing me to enter, and threw me far from the door, while all the people walked unhindered. I thought that, perhaps, due to female weakness, I could not squeeze through the crowd, and again I tried to push the people away with my elbows and make my way to the door. No matter how hard I worked, I couldn’t get in. As soon as my foot touched the church threshold, I stopped. The church accepted everyone, did not forbid anyone to enter, but I, the accursed one, was not allowed in. This happened three or four times. My strength is exhausted.
I walked away and stood in the corner of the church porch. Then I felt that it was my sins that prevented me from seeing the Life-Giving Tree, my heart was touched by the grace of the Lord, I began to sob and began to beat my chest in repentance. As I lifted up sighs to the Lord from the depths of my heart, I saw before me an icon of the Most Holy Theotokos and turned to her with a prayer: “O Virgin, Lady, who gave birth to God the Word in the flesh! I know that I am unworthy to look at Your icon. It is righteous for me, a hated harlot, to be rejected from Your purity and to be an abomination to You, but I also know that for this purpose God became man, in order to call sinners to repentance. Help me, Most Pure One, may I be allowed to enter the church. Do not forbid me to see the Tree on which the Lord was crucified in His flesh, shedding His innocent Blood for me, a sinner, for my deliverance from sin. Command, Lady, that the doors of the holy worship of the Cross may be opened for me too. Be my valiant Guarantor to Him who was born of You.
I promise You from this time on no longer to defile myself with any carnal defilement, but as soon as I see the Tree of the Cross of Your Son, I will renounce the world and immediately go to where You, as the Surety, will guide me.” And when I prayed like that, I suddenly felt that my prayer had been heard. In the tenderness of faith, hoping in the Merciful Mother of God, I again joined those entering the church, and no one pushed me aside or prevented me from entering. I walked in fear and trembling until I reached the door and was honored to see the Life-giving Cross of the Lord. This is how I learned the mysteries of God and that God is ready to accept those who repent. I fell to the ground, prayed, kissed the shrines and left the church, hastening to appear again before my Surety, where I had made a promise. Kneeling before the icon, I prayed before it: “O our Benevolent Lady, Mother of God! You did not abhor my unworthy prayer. Glory to God, who accepts the repentance of sinners through You. The time has come for me to fulfill the promise in which You were the Guarantor. Now, Lady, guide me on the path of repentance.”
And so, without finishing my prayer, I hear a voice, as if speaking from afar: “If you cross the Jordan, you will find blessed peace.” I immediately believed that this voice was for me, and, crying, I exclaimed to the Mother of God: “Lady Lady, do not leave me, a nasty sinner, but help me,” and immediately left the church vestibule and walked away. One man gave me three copper coins. With them I bought myself three loaves of bread and from the seller I learned the way to the Jordan. At sunset I reached the Church of St. John the Baptist near the Jordan. Having bowed first of all in the church, I immediately went down to the Jordan and washed his face and hands with holy water. Then I took communion in the Church of St. John the Baptist of the Most Pure and Life-Giving Mysteries of Christ, ate half of one of my breads, washed it down with holy Jordanian water and slept that night on the ground near the church. The next morning, having found a small canoe not far away, I crossed the river in it to the other bank and again fervently prayed to my Mentor that She would guide me as She herself would please. Immediately after that I came to this desert.
Abba Zosima asked the monk: “How many years, my mother, have passed since you settled in this desert?” “I think,” she answered, “47 years have passed since I left the Holy City.” Abba Zosima asked again: “What do you have or what do you find for food here, my mother?” And she answered: “I had two and a half loaves with me when I crossed the Jordan, little by little they dried up and turned to stone, and, eating little by little, I fed from them for many years.” Abba Zosima asked again: “Have you really been without illness for so many years? And didn’t you accept any temptations from sudden excuses and temptations?” “Believe me, Abba Zosima,” answered the venerable woman, “I spent 17 years in this desert, as if fighting with fierce beasts with my thoughts... When I began to eat food, the thought immediately came of meat and fish, to which I was accustomed in Egypt. I also wanted wine, because I drank a lot of it when I was out in the world. Here, often without simple water and food, I suffered fiercely from thirst and hunger.
I also suffered more severe disasters: I was overcome by the desire for fornicating songs, as if I heard them, confusing my heart and ears. Crying and beating my chest, I then remembered the vows that I made while going into the desert, before the icon of the Holy Mother of God, my Helper, and cried, begging to drive away the thoughts that were tormenting my soul. When repentance was accomplished through prayer and crying, I saw a Light shining for me from everywhere, and then, instead of a storm, a great silence surrounded me. Forgone thoughts, forgive me, Abba, how can I confess to You? A passionate fire flared up inside my heart and scorched me all over, arousing lust. When cursed thoughts appeared, I threw myself to the ground and seemed to see that the Most Holy Surety Herself was standing before me and judging me for breaking my promise. So I did not get up, lying prostrate day and night on the ground, until repentance was accomplished again and I was surrounded by the same blessed Light, driving away evil confusion and thoughts. This is how I lived in this desert for the first seventeen years. Darkness after darkness, misfortune after misfortune befell me, a sinner.
But from that time until now, the Mother of God, my Helper, guides me in everything.” Abba Zosima asked again: “Did you really need neither food nor clothing here?” She answered: “My bread ran out, as I said, in these seventeen years. After that, I began to eat roots and what I could find in the desert. The dress that I was wearing when I crossed the Jordan had long been torn and decayed, and then I had to endure a lot and suffer from both the heat, when the heat scorched me, and the winter, when I was shaking from the cold. How many times have I fallen to the ground as if dead. How many times have I been in immeasurable struggle with various misfortunes, troubles and temptations. But from that time until this day, the power of God has kept my sinful soul and humble body in unknown and varied ways. I was nourished and covered with the word of God, which contains all things (Deut. 8:3), for man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word of God (Matt. 4:4; Luke 4:4), and those who have no covering will be clothed with stone (Job 24:8), if they are stripped of the garment of sin (Col. 3:9).
As I remembered how much evil and what sins the Lord had delivered me from, I found inexhaustible food in that.” When Abba Zosima heard that the holy ascetic was speaking from the Holy Scriptures in memory - from the books of Moses and Job and from the Psalms of David - then he asked the venerable one: “Where, my mother, did you learn the psalms and other Books?” She smiled after listening to this question and answered: “Believe me, man of God, I have not seen a single person except you since I crossed the Jordan. I had never studied books before, I had never heard church singing or Divine reading. Unless the Word of God itself, living and all-creative, teaches man all understanding (Col. 3:16; 2 Pet. 1:21; 1 Thess. 2:13). However, enough, I have already confessed to You all my life, but where I began is where I end: I conjure you as the incarnation of God the Word - pray, holy Abba, for me, a great sinner. And I also adjure you by the Savior, our Lord Jesus Christ, do not tell anything that you have heard from me until God takes me from the earth. And do what I tell you now.
Next year, during Lent, do not go beyond the Jordan, as your monastic custom commands.” Again Abba Zosima was surprised that their monastic order was known to the holy ascetic, although he did not say a single word about it to her. “Stay, Abba,” the saint continued, “in the monastery. However, even if you want to leave the monastery, you cannot. . . And when the holy Great Thursday of the Lord’s Last Supper comes, put the Life-giving Body and Blood of Christ our God into the holy vessel and bring it to me. Wait for me on the other side of the Jordan, at the edge of the desert, so that when I come, I will receive communion of the Holy Mysteries. And say to Abba John, abbot of your monastery: take heed to yourself and to your flock (Acts 20:23; 1 Tim. 4:16). However, I don’t want you to tell him this now, but when the Lord indicates.” Having said this and asking for prayers again, the saint turned and went into the depths of the desert. All year Elder Zosima remained in silence, not daring to reveal to anyone what the Lord had revealed to him, and he diligently prayed that the Lord would grant him the privilege of seeing the holy ascetic once again.
When the first week of Holy Great Lent began again, the Monk Zosima, due to illness, had to remain in the monastery. Then he remembered the prophetic words of the saint that he would not be able to leave the monastery. After several days, the Monk Zoshima was healed of his illness, but still remained in the monastery until Holy Week. The day of remembering the Last Supper has approached. Then Abba Zosima fulfilled what he was commanded - late in the evening he left the monastery to the Jordan and sat down on the shore, waiting. The saint hesitated, and Abba Zosima prayed to God that He would not deprive him of a meeting with the ascetic. Finally the saint came and stood on the other side of the river. Rejoicing, the Monk Zosima stood up and glorified God. A thought occurred to him: how could she get across the Jordan without a boat? But the saint, having crossed the Jordan with the sign of the cross, quickly walked on the water. When the elder wanted to bow to her, she forbade him, shouting from the middle of the river: “What are you doing, Abba? After all, you are a priest, a bearer of the great Mysteries of God.” Having crossed the river, the monk said to Abba 3osima: “Bless, father.”
He answered her with trepidation, horrified by the wondrous vision: “In truth, God is false, promising to make all those who purify themselves, as far as possible, like mortals. Glory to Thee, Christ our God, who showed me through His holy servant how far I fall from the standard of perfection.” After this, the saint asked him to read “I Believe” and “Our Father.” At the end of the prayer, she, having communed the Holy Terrible Mysteries of Christ, stretched out her hands to heaven and with tears and trembling said the prayer of St. Simeon the God-Receiver: “Now do You let Your servant go, O Master, according to Your word in peace, for my eyes have seen Your salvation.” Then the monk again turned to the elder and said: “Forgive me, Abba, and fulfill my other desire. Go now to your monastery, and next year come to that dried-up stream where we first talked to you.” “If it were possible for me,” answered Abba Zosima, “to continually follow you to behold your holiness!” The venerable woman again asked the elder: “Pray, for the Lord’s sake, pray for me and remember my curse.”
And, making the sign of the cross over the Jordan, she, as before, walked across the waters and disappeared into the darkness of the desert. And Elder Zosima returned to the monastery in spiritual jubilation and awe, and reproached himself for one thing: that he had not asked the name of the saint. But he hoped next year to finally find out her name. A year passed, and Abba Zosimas again went into the desert. Praying, he reached a dried-up stream, on the eastern side of which he saw a holy ascetic. She lay dead, with her arms folded, as it should be, on her chest, her face turned to the East. Abba Zosima washed her feet with his tears, not daring to touch her body, wept for a long time over the deceased ascetic and began to sing psalms appropriate for mourning the death of the righteous, and read funeral prayers. But he doubted whether the saint would be pleased if he buried her. As soon as he thought this, he saw that at its head there was an inscription: “Bury, Abba 3osima, in this place the body of the humble Mary. Give dust to dust.
Pray to the Lord for me, who reposed in the month of April on the first day, on the very night of Christ’s saving suffering, after communion of the Divine Last Supper.” Having read this inscription, Abba Zosima was at first surprised who could have made it, for the ascetic herself did not know how to read and write. But he was glad to finally know her name. Abba Zosima understood that the Venerable Mary, having received the Holy Mysteries on the Jordan from his hands, in an instant walked her long desert path, which he, Zosima, had walked for twenty days, and immediately departed to the Lord. Having glorified God and wet the earth and the body of the Venerable Mary with tears, Abba Zosima said to himself: “It’s time for you, Elder Zosima, to do what you were commanded. But how can you, damned one, dig up a grave without having anything in your hands?” Having said this, he saw a fallen tree lying nearby in the desert, took it and began to dig. But the ground was too dry, no matter how much he dug, sweating profusely, he could not do anything. Straightening up, Abba Zosima saw a huge lion near the body of the Venerable Mary, who was licking her feet.
The elder was overcome with fear, but he made the sign of the cross, believing that he would remain unharmed by the prayers of the holy ascetic. Then the lion began to caress the elder, and Abba Zosima, inflamed in spirit, ordered the lion to dig a grave in order to bury the body of Saint Mary. At his word, the lion dug a ditch with its paws, in which the body of the saint was buried. Having fulfilled his will, each went his own way: the lion into the desert, and Abba Zosima into the monastery, blessing and praising Christ our God. Arriving at the monastery, Abba Zosima told the monks and the abbot what he had seen and heard from the Venerable Mary. Everyone was amazed, hearing about the greatness of God, and with fear, faith and love they established the memory of the Venerable Mary and honor the day of her repose. Abba John, abbot of the monastery, according to the word of the monk, with God’s help, corrected what needed to be done in the monastery. Abba Zosima, having lived a life pleasing to God in the same monastery and not quite reaching the age of one hundred, ended his temporary life here, passing into eternal life.
Thus, the ancient ascetics of the glorious monastery of the holy, all-praised Forerunner of the Lord John, located on the Jordan, conveyed to us the wondrous story of the life of the Venerable Mary of Egypt. This story was not originally written down by them, but was reverently passed on by the holy elders from mentors to disciples. “I,” says Saint Sophronius, Archbishop of Jerusalem, the first descriptor of the Life, “what I received in my turn from the holy fathers, have committed everything to written history.” May God, who works great miracles and rewards with great gifts all who turn to Him with faith, reward both those who read and listen, and those who conveyed this story to us, and grant us a good share with the blessed Mary of Egypt and with all the saints, who have pleased God with their thoughts and labors from the ages. Let us also give glory to God the Eternal King, and let us also be granted mercy on the Day of Judgment in Christ Jesus our Lord; to Him belongs all glory, honor, and power, and worship, together with the Father, and the Most Holy and Life-giving Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages, amen.